Frist: Let's Work With The Taliban

This makes my brain hurt. WTF?!?!

Bill Frist has officially lost his mind.

You know, maybe he's got a bigger plan.

1. Work with the Taliban in Afghanistan to gain political power.
2. Recruit young Al-Qaeda fighters into a more formalized Afghanistani military.
3. Send 'em to Iraq to fight the Great Satan.
4. Profit!

Bill, you wiley rascal, you gots it all figgered out.

Crime that doesn't happen in Paris

The latest from my local paper's Police Log:
"A woman removed 24 bars of soap from Walgreen's, 916 Madison St, wihout paying at 5:45 pm Sept. 3."

[Wait for it!] She got away clean. [ba-doom!]

Camus in grave: "Mon dieu! C'est absurd!"

G.O.P. douchebag resigns from PBS

Sensing the foul smell that continues to waft from Republican indicments, and many impending jail sentences, dickhead Ken Tomlinson has resigned his much-misused position at PBS.

Oh Happy Day!
I can't believe how fast the wind can change, once the president's dead career started stinking.

And now for an impeachment.

Wow, he REALLY doesn't make any decisions for himself...

Ummm, isn't this sort of thing an absolute? And I'm not exactly sure why that sentence ends in a question mark...

The Reuters caption:
U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005.

Via Gawker.

Props to the Frogs!

They finally did something cool!

Sacre bleu! Zis zomezing I ate?

Some poor nutty Frog ate $650 in coins and needles, then went to a doctor to ask why he was feelin' low. Note the fact that he ate both French currency and euros.

Triumph Insults Canadians

Conan O'brien took his show and Triumph the insult comic dog to Canada...only to insult them.

In the skit, a beret-wearing Triumph was seen visiting the Quebec carnival where several locals appeared distinctly unamused by his grouchy remarks.

"So you're French and Canadian, yes? So you're obnoxious and dull," the puppet told one passerby. "You're in North America, learn the language," he hollered at another.

And to one rotund man, Triumph suggested he might want to separate himself from doughnuts for awhile.

View the video

Her mother always thought he was a little stiff.

NICE, France (AP) -- Dressed in a demure black suit, a 35-year-old Frenchwoman has married her dead boyfriend, an exchange of vows that required authorization from President Jacques Chirac.

Continue reading "Her mother always thought he was a little stiff." »

112 Gripes About the French

82. "The French soldiers were supposed to hate the Germans, but they didn't waste any time shacking up with German girls."

That is as deplorable as the same conduct on the part of Americans.

Book of GI Gripes is a Best Seller 59 Years On

In this black year for Franco-US relations, an American book originally called 112 Gripes About the French has become a surprise best-seller in France.

First published in 1944 for issue to American troops in France after D-Day, it tries to explain the cultural differences between the two countries to GIs appalled by hosts they considered dirty, dishonest and deviant.

The book consists of a list of complaints, each accompanied by a patient explanation of why the French are as they are and whether or not the complaint is valid.

The book is online and can be read here.

Citroen Hit By Fake Order For 5,700 cars

Something along the lines of the Nigerian email scam. To my mind, the best part is that it's Citroens, the French equivalent of the Edsel.

Plus, we just don't get enough use out of the cheese eating category

Garry Trudeau takes on "Freedom Fries"

The original.

The translation.

Anyone up for a new category of jingoistic self-regarding conquer-monkeys?

Concorde goes into mothballs

The french are at it again. They will retire the super-sonic Concorde program this fall. Perhaps because they haven't found a way to surrender to anyone with it.

Attention Moron Disney Visitors

You're not REALLY in FRANCE!
(3rd story down.)

via boing boing

Enough with the name changing...

A Briton called Eric Bush has changed his name in a radical move to protest against the US-led war in Iraq.

He says he has had it officially changed to Eric Buisson - the French word for bush.

LA Radio Prankster Trips Up Chirac

"Kevin and Bean Show" entertainment reporter Ralph Garman got through to Chirac by claiming to be France's most loved American funnyman -- a prank that has the real Lewis considering legal action.

"Jerry is outraged that this impersonation occurred, especially at this critical time in the conduct of foreign policy," Alan Isaacman, Lewis' attorney, tells EW.com.

How to Boycott The French: A to Z

I received this via email, an exhaustive yet I'm sure incomplete list of major French companies / financial concerns for good honest 'Umericuns to avoid.

Whatever your feelings for the French, I find it fascinating the lengths people will go to when they get a burr up their ass. No more tooling around in them Frog-owned Zodiac boats for me. That'll show 'em to mess with the US of A!

I much prefer Chris' solution: Boycott mimes! A good policy no matter what the geo-political ramifications.

The Freedom Loving French

The French, being the staunch defenders of the rights of mankind that they are, passed this into law this week:

It is now a criminal offence to insult the French flag or national anthem. Booing the Marseillaise now carries the risk of a fine of 7,500 euros and six months in prison.

Can't get enough of those 'Cheese-eating surrender monkeys'

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - French flags no longer are flying high and proud outside the Sofitel Hotel in midtown Manhattan. The French-owned hotel chain replaced them with the Stars and Stripes as a peace offering to its American guests.

wussies...

Google "I'm Feeling Lucky" search: "French Military Victories"

What was that about "soft targets?"

via Q

House cafeterias change names for 'french fries' and 'french toast'

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The cafeteria menus in the three House office buildings changed the name of "french fries" to "freedom fries," in a culinary rebuke of France stemming from anger over the country's refusal to support the U.S. position on Iraq.

Nice to see our government is on top of things...

Big Ass Chee-to

It's believed to be the largest Chee-to in the world. The cheesy glob of fried cornmeal that Navy Petty Officer Mike Evans found last week in a bag of the snacks is about the size of a small lemon and weighs in at about half an ounce.

Who's it more fun to laugh at: Texas or France?

The French Boy Scouts probably have a merit badge for broth.

via K-Ho, Texan

One ton of comte stolen: a nation mourns.

Connoisseur thieves broke into a cheese cellar in eastern France and made off with over a ton of top-grade cheeses worth 10,000 euros (dollars), police said Wednesday.

The aficionados snubbed other, lower-quality batches maturing in the cellar and made off with 36 rounds of comte, a hard yellow cheese with a strong and slightly sweet flavor.

Really, why should France assist in "the war against terror" when they can't even protect cheese within their own borders?

(Yes, this is a feeble excuse to use the cheese-eating surrender monkeys category.)

Insults and semantics

Arm yourselves for a war of words!

Cheese-eating surrender monkeys: New and improved

Thanks to Q's selfless service to House 8, I am proud to announce the addition of auditory enhancement to category 1029, aka "Cheese-eating surrender monkeys". Q, if we had a House 8 medal of some sort, you'd get one.

Chris offers:

Quentin has vindicated himself for crashing the server. Take him off of double secret probation.

UPDATE: Q has been officially promoted to the office of Deputy Commander Helper Monkey. Congratulations! The kids will be so proud.

The full story:
The term originates from an episode in 1995, and was spoken neither by Homer nor Bart, but by Groundskeeper Willy:

A little later, Bart puts his hand up.
Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I'm done failing the test. Can I _please_ go to the nurse?
Edna: Gosh, Bart, maybe you really are in pain.
Well...it would be cruel not to let you go.
[files her nails, hums the national anthem]
[hums part of "Stars and Stripes Forever"]
Heh heh heh, _now_ you may go.
Bart: [walking into nurse's room] Lunch Lady Doris? Why are you here?
Doris: Budget cuts. They've even got Groundskeeper Willy teaching French.
Willy: "Bonjourrr", you cheese-eating surrender monkeys!

I sing with my face, not with my ass...Oh, I mean the other way around.

This little item had top listing on Netscape's home page this morning. Even Hans Blix wears them!

Rest stop caretaker to be evicted

Stories like this always make me wonder what the Charles De Gaulle Airport guy is up to these days...

(But in truth, it's a shallow excuse to get in on the cheese eating surrender monkeys action.)

via obscure store

Fucha Fucha

It's this season's "All Your Base!" Seizure-prone, go slow on this one.

via k-ho, of course

French to Send Surrender Advisors to Iraq

Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion (French Surrender Battalion) of the Legion Etrangere (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American Armed Forces.