Svengoolie - A Rubber Chicken in Every Pot!!!

Cast your vote for our local "horror host" here:

http://rondoaward. com/

"I Wish I'd Never Seen your Skyscraper!*"

Nothing says great architcture like a guy fondling his tower. Calatrava got the go-ahead for this drillbit from Chicago planners today.

"Do you like-a my big tall building?"

*actual bad line from The Fountainhead.

Go Bears!

It's still early in the AFC Championship game between the Patriots and the Colts, but if the Patriots win, I think I'm gonna have to go live in a cave for two weeks to escape the avalanche of comparisons between Super Bowl XX and Super Bowl XLI.

UPDATE: It's the Colts, overcoming the largest deficit in NFL Conference Championship history, coming from 18 down to beat the Patriots. This also means it's Lovie vs. Dungy, who are very close friends from their days in Tampa. Peyton and all his goddamned audibling vs. Urlacher, Briggs, Anderson, Brown, Ogunleye, et al. This is gonna be good.

In the meantime, everybody sing! The Bears are going to the Super Bowl!

Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down.

Chicago School of Rock builds, tears down, "The Wall"

Spent yesterday afternoon at Schuba's listening to the Chicago School of Rock perform Pink Floyd's "The Wall."

The kids are very talented, and are being molded into bonafied rock stars under the guidance of Ethan and staff. Here's bit of "Comfortably Numb" from yesterday.

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Da Bears Will Punch Yous In Da Mouth, My Friennt.

And for those of you who just can't let go of Da Coatch and 1985...

As always, Carl, you've outdone yourself. My friennt. Carl 726, Tornado -17.

Since we're talking about graffiti

Uh...okay.

Windy City Gone Wimpy

Nick Gillespie's take on the recent slew of nanny state ordinances to pass through the Chicago city council.

But it turns out that Chicago is a sissy town because that "stormy, husky, brawling … City of the Big Shoulders," in Carl Sandburg's evocative 1916 poem, seems hellbent on putting a chokehold on just about everything that makes a city a city. Namely, fun. Local pols evidently are more dedicated to rooting out gluttony among residents than reining in a police department neck deep in an ugly torture scandal.

Pazen is a Whiteboy

But, of course, we already knew that.

Continue reading "Pazen is a Whiteboy" »

so...hot...

This is our thermostat INSIDE our office. We have both A/Cs going full-blast, fans pointed at all of us, and are wearing full-body icepacks.

*weep*

The photo is a little blurry because my phone was melting in my hand as I took it.

Chicago tops list on Sierra Club Green City list

It's kinda hard to believe that Sierra Club didn't take the aweful blue bag recycling and ding us a few points?

Sierra Club

Gawd Bless Uhmurica

This afternoon, stuck in post-Cubs game traffic on Irving Park Rd. Behind me, two middle-aged guys in a red BMW convertible. Next to us in the crawl, a ginormous Hummer H2 burning approx. 40 gallons/block. At some point the BMW and the H2 were side by side, and the driver of the H2 reaches down and hands an issue of Playboy to the guy in the passenger seat of the BMW.

Middle-aged jocularity ensues.

Who's the orange guy?

With Prior and Wood starting the year on the DL, Cubs LF Matt Murton may be one of the few bright spots of this early season. He proved late last year he belonged in the bigs, and with an opening day 3-run homer in Cincy, he got 2006 off to a great start.

The story goes that when Murton first walked into the clubhouse, Greg Maddux asked, "Who's the orange guy?" and the nickname stuck.

Matt Murton roster page (Cubs.com)

Chicago to RNC "Not interested"

Chicago tells the RNC we're not interested in hosting their 2008 Republican National Convention


http://cbs2chicago.com/topstories/local_story_047082857.html


We live in a pretty cool city, lets hope the mayor sticks to that answer.

Ghetto-fab

He's rockin' the fake fur with style, but what you don't see is the best knock-it-all-out-in-one-go neck tattoo evar.

Yep, I'd say that pretty much covers it.

You think traffic is bad now.

Save Chicago Transit.

Happy Birthday Chicago!

Chicago's 168th Birthday Celebration

March 4, 2005

Chicago Historical Society
Clark Street at North Avenue

11 a.m. - 1:00 p.m.

Free cake and ice cream!

Just don't start singing Happy Birthday or we'll be owing royalties.

No barrio will be involved in MY daughter's playtime!

Who are the ad geniuses that thought this would be socially acceptable?

LaSalle Bank Building fire

Graf's old building is on fire! A fire started on the 29th floor at around 6:30pm. It's now 9:45pm, and they're saying it has spread to the 30th. Approximately a third of the entire CFD was sent to the scene.

Some dude Graf hired is on TV right now!

Firefighters are really cool.

Wrigley Bleachers

I know that the stereotype of the bleachers is shirtless drunken yobs blindly praising Sosa and piling grief on opposing outfielders. Well, okay, that's mostly true. But tonight, Lisa, Karen, Steve and I spent possibly one of the most pleasant and fun nights I've ever had at Wrigley. The weather was absolutely perfect, and tonight's win over Houston was the best game I've been to in quite some time. It's a good game when the Cubs win and you can still admire an opponent's home run. Carlos Beltran just crushed that thing. (And whoever threw it back from outside had a gun. It almost landed at second.)

Perhaps the best part of the night was watching four friends playing the betting game where you put a dollar in and pass the cup each batter and watching the newlyweds of the group (wearing goofy "Bride" and "Groom" visors her mom had made them) win three times in a row. Then, two little boys in front of them wanted in on the game, so they all started putting dollars in for them, too.

At the end of the game, whoever ends up holding the cup wins whatever's left. The guy that won sat down, counted it out, and split the pot with the two kids. That probably just made their summer, winning $5 each out of a silly dollar game in the bleachers at Wrigley.

...the DJ cuts the iPod from side to side...

Gil and Jeff "No-Talent Ass Clown"^* Pazen will be DJing at the Apple Store on Michigan Ave. Tues. March 9th at 6pm. So come on down and drool over 23 inch cinema displays and G5 towers while listening to Gil and Paz, "Chicago favorites and Mac aficionados," er do their thang.

^* Yet another in a series of attempts to regain Pazen's spot on Google's image search.

"Sewage Blending"

That's the term waste treatment plants use when referring to the practice of releasing partially treated waste into waterways during rainy weather and large snow melts. The restrictions on the practice have been loosened by a Bush administration EPA policy change, who claim that not doing it actually results in bigger problems.

That's like saying if you don't drink yourself blind, you'll just shoot heroin. So while we're blowing five kagillion dollars in Iraq every day and sending remote control trucks to Mars, the EPA is finding ways to make it even more convenient for all of us to get E. coli, Giardia and salmonella. Environmental Protection, indeed.

According to the article in today's Chicago Tribune, sewage spills into Lake Michigan were responsible for 130 beach closings in Chicago and 178 in Lake County last summer. Proponents of the practice say it helps limit waste backups into property and worse spills during bad weather, and the only way to fix the problem is to spend billions of dollars on upgrades. Hmmmm...

Now, I know this is a very complex issue (I encourage you to read the article, because there is a lot to consider), and there's a lot of science that I'll never understand going on here. But aren't we smart enough to build systems that can handle these situations without having to release even partially treated sewage back into our own water supply? Bleh. I mean, we got guys that can make a plane disappear fer fuck's sake!

I wanna be hip and homeless

The Powers That Be have proposed building a giant metal box at the corner of Division and Clybourn to house displaced Cabrini residents and the city's homeless.

In one of the more ridiculous statements to come out of any mouth in recent memory, Lakefront Supportive Housing (the developer) CEO Jean Butzen waxes poetic:

"We thought it would be a really important statement to make that even people who are homeless, who are the poorest people in our society, deserve to live in a building designed by an internationally famous architect."

Oh my yes! Only the most trendy and hip for our city's homeless will do! Thankfully it will be conveniently close to a Starbucks, too.

Silly me, I'm no President and CEO of a housing development company, but I would've thought it might also be kind of important to HELP THEM TO NO LONGER BE HOMELESS?!?

Bartman foul ball goes for $106,000, will be destroyed

A group of buyers that included Harry Caray's widow Dutchie bought the ball, and will destroy it on Feb. 26th during the annual toast to Harry.

Steve Bartman will be invited to the ceremony.

I pity da fool dat eats off mah jewelry!

For some reason, this is news. Personally, I think it's a shameless ploy for the Tribune to publish this photo. I mean, WTF is going on there? Is that a serving platter?

DYI Trunk Show

Come out and buy some gifts for Christmas! The DYI Trunk show is this Saturday November 15th at Pulaski Park Auditorium. (1419 W Blackhawk ) Admission is free, and doors open at 11:30am but close at 4:30, so you better get your shopping money and head out early before all my fabulous, one-of-a-kind, hand made scarves are gone!

Continue reading "DYI Trunk Show" »

Reverse the Curse

(Live on WGN radio) Two guys just tried to get into the Astros - Giants game at Minute Maid Park with a goat. They had a ticket for the goat, but were refused entry, reversing the Billy Goat Curse on the Cubs, as well as hexing the Astros playoff hopes with a rather clever poem.

Invasion of the lakefront

Tribune architecture critic Blair Kamin exhaustively and figuratively deconstructs the new Soldier Field. Blair, please, tell us how much you hate it again?

According to the Illinois Department of Transportation, 106,700 vehicles a day travel the stretch of Lake Shore Drive that passes Soldier Field. If you apply the rule of thumb used by traffic experts -- that every vehicle has 1.5 occupants -- then 160,050 people a day drive by the stadium's most prominent (and ugly) public face.

Even when Soldier Field is used for concerts, movies, pro soccer and other public events, the balance is unlikely to tip in favor of those who elect to experience the fetching inside of the stadium versus those who have no choice but to drive by the botched piece of civic architecture.

...

[Former Governor James] Thompson now has his indelible mark on three of Chicago's most prominent eyesores, the other two of which -- the James R. Thompson Center (the former State of Illinois Center) and U.S. Cellular Field...

Well, two of them look like they're gonna lift off at any moment. Big Jim -- an extraterrestrial? Hmmmm...

Shameless self promotion

Saturday. Renegade Craft Fair. 11am-5pm. Booth 38. YOU WILL BE THERE! You will buy scarves, aprons, and toilet seats covers!

I was in Rockford

watching Becky and John get hitched. What's your excuse?

via obscure store

Color me McDumbfounded

I don't even know where to start with this one. The prospect of wireless communication in such close proximity to raving lunatics, soaked in urine, eating griddled cow rectum? This should go over as well as the McCafe.

Two Local Items of Interest

I was so fucking mad that Santa Claus died, but I knew I'd feel better once I called the Swearline.

McDonald's at Field Museum busted by inspectors

In addition, a floor drain in the food preparation area was backed up with raw sewage...

Eeeewww.

via obscure store

Hastert Truck Hit By Water Balloon

DIXON Ñ A 33-year-old man faces felony aggravated battery charges for tossing a water balloon at U.S. House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Yorkville.

--- snip ---

Allen said in court he didn't know Hastert was driving the truck. Lee County Judge Tomas Magdich reprimanded Allen for not recognizing Hastert.

"He is third in line to the presidency of the United States. You won't forget it next time, will you?" Magdich told Allen.

Crafty Beavers! or She's Crafty, She get's around!

You can join a funky little craft fair on September 20th in Wicker Park for $50. FUN!

No Boys Allowed!

Brian Cho is working on a reality show here in town entitled, "Starting Over". Starting Over is shot in a Victorian house in Chicago and the art department is looking for work to be displayed in the house. Looking specifically for local female artists who are interested in having their artwork displayed in the show for 9 months or so.

Brian wants to look at some sample slides, and the artwork should be some what traditional. The show is like Oprah! meets "Real World." They are looking for "Non-controversial" pieces; sort of like the NEA these days. Remember, artwork by females only.

Mail slides to:
3540 N. Southport Avenue #258
Chicago, IL 60657

Any questions, e-mail Brian Cho at echo7@concentric.net

via Catherine Lams

South-side St. Patty's parade out of control?

Nah. (Note: this is the only green you're getting out of me today.)

via obscure store

Ahhhh, Mayor Daley sticks it to us again...

Meter parking jumps to $3 an hour. The city has reopened hundreds of parking spaces downtown that had been closed since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, but the rate at many of the meters has tripled. The new rate, including at parking meters on sections of Lower Wacker Drive, is 25 cents for five minutes, up steeply from a quarter for 15 minutes.

In five minutes can you even leave your car and accomplish anything?
Ouch!

Message from Pazen

"Hey, it's Jeff. You're not going to believe this, but there's actually a person in the acrylic shop on Orleans. Someone's actually buying that stuff. What the fuck!"

Museum finds antique firearms were still loaded

Staff at Chicago's Field Museum made the discovery when they were cleaning its collection of more than 300 weapons.

Black powder with the power of six or seven sticks of dynamite was found in 15 powder horns, a rifle, one pistol and two cannons.

And how does one disarm 200 year old black powder which becomes more unstable as it gets older?

... warm soapy water.

Chicago Cinema/Orchestra Multimedia Interaction of Film and Music

chicago sound/vision is a group of local filmmakers and musicians devoted to the multi-media interaction of film and music, working together to create new and original works of art. Musicians perform both improvised and scored accompaniment to tradtitional and modern approaches of filmmaking and projection. Our first show is July 27 @ the Hideout.

~Fred Lomberg-Holm (Peter Brotzmann Tentet, Lofty Pillars, Terminal 4) Performs his score to "Mysterious Island of Dancing women" by John McGeehan.

Festivities start at 9:30. I think I'm also going to catch the My Reality:Contemporary Art and the Culture of Japanese Animation exhibit at the Chicago Cultural Center on Sunday. I hear they have a art-o-mat machine there now. Don't go 'round artless!

Chicago Rejection Hotline

Memorize this number and you'll never have to make one up again (esp. handy for hotties). Call it -- it's semi-funny!

312-458-9650


via Liz

Dear Ann Landers

Please God, I'm only 83!

Life and (near) death out my window

so I sat down to eat my salad for lunch, the one I got at Briazz instead of going to Mac Kelly's at 123 W. Madison, and heard squealing tires, and then a huge collapse, by the sounds of it...and then I looked out the window...the car took out ALL of the ground to ceiling glass panels that made up the storefront, and we could see at least one person trapped in front of the car...what a weird lunch. Thank GOD I wanted to use a charge card to buy salad...

via Chicago Tribune, but I saw it with me own eyes

When is a park not a park?

After insisting that the controversial Soldier Field project dedicated 19 acres of land to parks, Mayor Daley admitted that the only 10 acres is actual park, and the rest is medians, and earth on the side of parking garages ! !

The Tribunes "Park Photo Gallery" mocks Daley accordingly

It's about people coming to terms with things

Oprah has retired her book club. Didn't it seem like every book was "about a young womens spiritual awawkening?"
Perhaps they used them all up.

Sweet Homely Chicago

Following the city's feigned interest in "Suite Home Chicago" (this years citywide-sidewalk-art-thing) an auction is being held to unload all of it. Now's your chance to get your hands on some memorable pieces like... errrr... I don't remember any.

Bid on a sofa and commemorate your complete indifference to the second-least interesting concept* since Chicago handed the keys of the city to the Board of Tourism 3 years ago.

Who can imagine the hilarity to come next year when another familiar object undergoes the same familiar surface treatments? The regularly-scheduled spontaneity rolls on.

*Last years dud - Ping-pong tables - takes first prize.

Soldier Field (microscope slide)

Another teensy weensy image of the coming affront to Soldier Field. Just try to click it. Just try to get a decent view of this behemoth.

Clip-On Tie: The Diary of a New York Art Museum Security Guard

For those of you who do not know, David Berman is the frontman for the Silver Jews. He's also a poet and frequent contributor to various online and offline magazines. Berman has close ties to Pavement and has featured Stevel Malkmus on several Silver Jews albums. Check out the Silver Jews web site if you are in the mood. The video for Random Rules was filmed in Chicago. The opening scene takes place at the Rainbo on Damen. As a writer and musician, Berman has definitely influenced me and, if you enjoy such artists like Smog, Mountain Goats and Elliot Smith, you might just enjoy the Silver Jews.

Chicago Vocabulary

Not all of us talk like Mike Ditka (a.k.a. Da Coach) or Dennis Farina (Crime Story, Midnight Run) or Dennis Franz (NYPD Blue), nor insist on wearing Bulls or Bears paraphenalia at every waking moment. Still, the local vernacular IS unique. Read on and learn the language of the natives.

David Hansen: World Champion Hair Piece Designer

If only I'd had the eyemodule on me. I was behind this cat on Chicago this afternoon. He's cruisin' on a fat, canary yellow Harley, sportin' a natty leather vest with a huge dragon on the back and