Managements Big New Idea: Fun-sultants!

Gasp in horror with me at corporate America's newest desperation: The "Fun Consultant".

Who's Speciaaaaal?

NPR Morning Edition, May 30, 2007 · "Companies are hiring consultants to help manage the "over praised" Me Generation who've been told ad nauseum that they're special, but turn out not to be in the workplace. The result?
- Kudos for showing up to work on time!
- Awards for getting a report in!
- Forget Employee of the Month — how about Employee of the Day!
Some managers are resistant, saying the only praise they ever got was a paycheck."

Worth a listen, if only for the absurdity.

...for Liz, and the 23 year-olds under her that are beside themselves when they're told something has been done wrong.

Time gets in the spirit!

It would be totally awesome if they put the same mirror-like plastic on the pink slips they sent out that they put on this week's Person of the Year issue.

"Who's out of a job? Here's a clue!"

Bottom of the Banner Ad Barrell

I work in an industry whose websites have banner ads for sexy, highly-desireable product like this.

As in, "Come on out back I wanna show ya some sweet 'roof detail membranes'... if you know what I mean."
You won't find cool ads like this on Amazon.

Hey Jerky

Are you successful but a real jerk? Many entrepreneurs are so driven that they alienate others.

Take Fortune.com's test, you peon!

Winster in WorldCom/Bernie Ebbers Mile High Club Shocker!

From page six:

July 14, 2005 -- WINNIE Dunbar, a CNN business news producer based in New York, missed the hurricane that never arrived in Memphis — but she ended up in the right seat on her Northeast flight back. Dunbar, who was returning to cover the sentencing of WorldCom fraudster Bernie Ebbers, found herself sitting next to him and his wife in coach. "I'm going to New York for the same reason you are," Dunbar told the former billionaire, who was tight-lipped except to say he found his trial "completely bizarre." Ebbers kept an unlit cigar clenched in his teeth the whole flight, even while asleep, except when he was eating candy and potato chips. After his petite spouse collected their luggage, they waited on the taxi line, chauffeur-driven limousines a distant memory. Ebbers got 25 years yesterday.

See also: Ebbers speaks out ahead of sentencing

Thinking About That Career at McDonald's?

Yes, you've always wanted it, now you can have it... your way...

Unhappy Birthday

Buzzkills Time Warner want you to know that every time you wish your friends a loved ones a happy birthday by singing the song "Happy Birthday" and DON'T pay royalties to ASCAP, god kills a puppy. Or something.

So, Winster, if your co-workers want to wish you a happy birthday after work, have 'em buy you a shot instead of singing some lameass song. Otherwise, your bosses might have to bring the hammer down and start garnishing wages.

(via boing boing)

Merry Christmas™

Don't worry, I have a YuleCo EULA.

via more like this

Actual Client Quotes

"Would you like your splash page built with Flash?"
"You got it...lots of flash and dash."

Etc.

America: Late-Capitalist Paradise

Let's see... America doesn't have a decent education system. We can no longer afford the insurance which gains us access to our failed medical delivery system. We don't have affordable competent daycare or senior care...
but...
We move piles of money to develop radio-emitting tags so that Wal-mart can track where you take your purchases. Althought they are the most profitable company on the planet, the tags will help Wal-Mart make more money.

Is there no boundary in this country that greed, and amorailty won't trample?

Martha Stewart is gonna fry!

well not really... but her team failed to exonerate her. Maybe it was the ten-page closing statement. Do lawyers memorize this shit or do they walk around dropping pages?

Stealth Disco

Ah, the one major drawback of working from home; no more office hijinx...

Whoever started this deserves a medal.

UPDATE: More office hijnx.

via boing boing

For those keeping track

Hold up a bank for a couple thousand dollars and you'll get ten to twelve.

Quietly bilk hundreds of thousands of people out of billions in savings, while wearing a tie, hiding behind a corporation and shouting "Long live the free-market!" and you might serve less than 5 years.

Predatory capitalism: The nations deepest value.

Enron's imaginative CFO was just sentenced and my hunch is he's not headed for a federal pound-you-in-the-ass prison.

Credit where credit is due

Nice to see that while former NVU staffer John Fuller did not receive any credit for his hard work with Steve on the new Bobcats logo, THANKFULLY Chad Rupp did...phew! Isn't he creative director now?

War Profiteers Deck of Playing Cards

On the way into Texas, Karen and I listened to a pledge drive for radio station WPFT, interspersed with scandalous readings from a deck of cards mocking the corrupt regime in Washington. If you pledged they sent you a deck.

This station is vocally, angrily anti-Bush. The subterfuge exposed on this site might further convince you that Bush has only self-interests guiding him.

Are they hiring?

From what I can decipher, this company in the Netherlands is dealing in celebrity urine. Either that or they give urine away for free in an effort to break into new urine markets. So how do they stay in business? VOLUME!

Sweet new NVU office cam!

Cain't cha hear the wind howl? It's mah heart!

Home Depot sculpture

Cool stuff.

What's up with these corporate dinosaurs and their "don't take any pictures in our stores" policies? Jebus! Friggin' relax.

In any case, reminds me of that dork that took the bet to stay in Home Depot for 16 hours.

via harrumph!

Halliburton will $ave us...

George "I'll bring dignity back to the White House" Bush gave the billion dollar contract to cap oil fires after the war to Halliburton, the company vice-president Cheney ran, before "winning" (ahem...) the election.
That'll buy a lot of dignity.

So let's see where that ethical boundary lies: Clintons blowjobs, "travelgate" and failed real estate ventures are bad, but egregious conflicts-of-interest that line your own pocket are just fine and dandy.

"Liberal Media" my ass! No one has said Boo! about this. The media continue to act as shills for the chimp-in-chief.

"Fuck Snuggles!"

How free is your speech? Well, for the time being, you can download a CDs worth of illegal music for nothing right here. Includes the hilarious Negativland "U2" single with Casey Kasem's tirade.

via Mojo Magazine

Keep the Change

Responsible Wealth.org is an organization of millionaires and wealthy execs with a conscience who reject Bush's tax break; pushing for tax fairness, corporate responsibility and living wages.

A black day for Chicago Baseball

Oh happy day.
Comiskey Park has been renamed U.S. Cellular field. Isn't that nice? Doesn't it just roll off your tongue? It really gives you pride in the place, and makes you glad to be a tool of capitalism.

Ha! Ha!

via one.point.zero

Yet another reason to hate AOL

So now they want to CHARGE for FREE CONTENT? Could they BE bigger assholes? Sorry -- this makes me mad.

via zena, whose job is probably in danger

Is that a valve bag applicator or are you just happy to see me?

I edited this entire website after being laid-off from Organic. Is it just me, or is this stuff really sexy?

Job Opportunity

I was sure this was the perfect job for a House8 man until I got to the last line of the listing:

Must display maturity level appropriate for closed door fit sessions.

I don't imagine the link will last too long...

Scary CEO Masks

Look no further for the perfect Halloween costume.

via Andrew

How a Global Media Empire Was Built on a Lie

The virtuous image of the Bertelsmann media empire has been destroyed by a devastating historical study into the company's Nazi links that exposes its post-war success as built on a lie.

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Hey, if they'll give me Napster we'll call it even...