Two disgraced governors in a row 4 Illinois

One in jail, one just posting bail. Illinois' Blagojevich known for his snap-on hairdo, crushed forehead, gaunt inbred chipmunk looks and a serious case of liplessness*... endeavored to enrich himself by selling Obama's senate seat using language peppered with F bombs.
Does he kiss his corrupt grandmother with that mouth?

At least Democrats go after their own.

*I'm trying to say the man is homely...

T is for Texas, D is for Death

Crime that doesn't happen in Paris

The latest from my local paper's Police Log:
"A woman removed 24 bars of soap from Walgreen's, 916 Madison St, wihout paying at 5:45 pm Sept. 3."

[Wait for it!] She got away clean. [ba-doom!]

Camus in grave: "Mon dieu! C'est absurd!"

Dubya Pardons Uncle Jesse

Bush continued to handle the truly important matters of the country last week, with the Presidential pardon of a moonshinin' extra from the movie Deliverance.

I could not make this up if I tried.

[Randall Leece] Deal's "Deliverance" performance consisted of a single line: "It ain't nothing but the biggest [expletive] river in the state!" For the record, Deal did not play one of the surly locals involved in an infamous rape scene with actor Ned Beatty.

Do you think if he had been involved in the rape scene, he'd get some sort of medal from this administration?

Go wave your blood soaked flag.

First picture of Pvt. Steven Green,
"Charlottes Finest!" who's
raping,
killing,
witness & family murdering,
body-defiling
and arsoning
in your name
for God and flag.

His parents must be very proud.

I wish I could feel something more than deep pity for the Iraqis. If I could hate them needlessly like a good citizen, I'd be fine with this.

HuffPo: Costco cheaper than Medicare Part D

From the comments:
A lot of the stuff done by the Republican party in the last five years is arguably bad. But there are few areas where the evidence that the Republican party has become a criminal organization is as straightforward as with the medicare drug plan.

For those of us who have been Republican voters all our lives the time has come to face up to the facts. And the facts are that many of the people we voted for have turned out to be criminals.

Eats. Shits. Leaves.

From the latest police blotter in Oak Leaves, the local paper out in Oak Park:

The basement door of a home on the 600 block of South Elmwood Avenue was forced open between 1:30 pm and 4:30 pm April 1. Ice cream, soup, Gatorade and soda were consumed. The person who entered the home used the bathroom in the home and drove a 1998 Toyota Camry, parked in the garage, into the overhead garage door causing $1,400 in damage.

Saddam's Evil: Now acceptable from U.S.

Remember how Saddam was bad because he used chemical weapons on his own people? Well now it's a case of the pot calling the kettle black. The good ole U.S. of A., under the leadership of pro-torture Cheney and no ethical-boundary-left-standing Rumsfeld, killed people in Fallujah with white phosphorous which is an extremely cruel, banned chemical weapon.
Confirmation via article

W.P. like napalm sticks to your skin and burns you from the skin to the bone, and when you breathe it in, it burns you from the inside out. There is no way to stop the process. You just burn alive.
which means these photos of the disfigured victims will disturb you.
Confirmation via photos

This chemical is also used in in a military technique called a shake and bake; You frighten people out of their hiding place with a bomb then cook them alive with a round of white phosphorous.

Another news item that our "liberal media" isn't bringing you.
Add this to the Bush scandal log.

Indictment Pool

This morning, Bush stammered and mispronounced his way through a bizarre P.R. piece with the American troops, with a generous helping of his usual coke-head jaw-grinding. At one point he says "If I'm still around..." you'll always have my support. Georgie knows what's coming. I haven't seen a politician so skittish since the final days of the Nixon whitehouse.

Three lesser & two major figures are expected to be indicted. Mix and match your way to a full indictment roster with the list below. But keep in mind charges may not only be treason, but conspiracy and/or perjury.

After Katrina fiasco, time for Bush to go

The disastrous federal response to Katrina exposes a record of incompetence, misjudgment and ideological blinders that should lead to serious doubts that the Bush administration should be allowed to continue in office.

They rode into office in a highly contested election, spouting a message of bipartisanship but determined to undermine the federal government in every way but defense (and, after 9/11, one presumed, homeland security). One with Grover Norquist, they were determined to shrink Washington until it was "small enough to drown in a bathtub." Katrina has stripped the veil from this mean-spirited strategy, exposing the greed, mindlessness and sheer profiteering behind it.

It is time to hold them accountable - this ugly, troglodyte crowd of Capital Beltway insiders, rich lawyers, ideologues, incompetents and their strap-hangers should be tarred, feathered and ridden gracefully and mindfully out of Washington and returned to their caves, clubs in hand.

can't get in? try this

via scott b.

Winster in WorldCom/Bernie Ebbers Mile High Club Shocker!

From page six:

July 14, 2005 -- WINNIE Dunbar, a CNN business news producer based in New York, missed the hurricane that never arrived in Memphis — but she ended up in the right seat on her Northeast flight back. Dunbar, who was returning to cover the sentencing of WorldCom fraudster Bernie Ebbers, found herself sitting next to him and his wife in coach. "I'm going to New York for the same reason you are," Dunbar told the former billionaire, who was tight-lipped except to say he found his trial "completely bizarre." Ebbers kept an unlit cigar clenched in his teeth the whole flight, even while asleep, except when he was eating candy and potato chips. After his petite spouse collected their luggage, they waited on the taxi line, chauffeur-driven limousines a distant memory. Ebbers got 25 years yesterday.

See also: Ebbers speaks out ahead of sentencing

Karl Rove: Traitor

It is being reported that Karl Rove was the source that revealed the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame. This story is just beginning to break, we'll see how much momentum it actually has. Given the shit this administration has gotten away with, however, I wouldn't be surprised if Rove managed to spin this into some sort of Congressional medal for himself.

The Huffington Post has more on Rovegate. (Do I get points for being the first to call it that?)

I say we send him to Gitmo.

When Chimps Attack II

Fred Durst shows you his 'O' face (WARNING: Spyware-laden link. Proceed at your own risk. Thanks, Nora).

WARNING: NSFW. Actually, not safe for anyone with the gift of sight.

More
everywhere
else.

Please pardon our service interuptions

Sorry about the service inturuption.

Here's an online article about the issue:

http://www.nbc5.com/news/4041464/detail.html

Here are some pictures I snapped standing in front of my house during and after the fire:

View image (during the fire)

View image (during the fire)

View image (during the fire)

View image (during the fire)

View image (after the fire, the collapsed house is already gone)

View image (after the fire, house across the alley)

Cutest Criminal EVER!

Man sentenced for breaking into homes to cuddle with women.

The serial snuggler will have to keep his hands to himself. The man who sneaked into women's apartments just to cuddle with them has been sentenced to five years' probation.

Before pleading guilty earlier this year to 12 counts of unauthorized entry, Steve Danos, 26, led a commendable life, a judge said Wednesday before sentencing him.

None of the victims was hurt. Instead, the intruder roused the residents to ask about a party, helped himself to beer and pizza, folded clothes, made nachos and crawled into one woman's bed to rub her stomach.

more

Bush: Pick Your Favorite Lie

The littany of Bush admin lies & subterfuge continues today with the disclosure that the shitheads military payroll records have been accidently destroyed by the Pentagon.

oh my...
how did that happen?

The constitution was also shredded into pulp and is now in use as toilet paper throughout the white house.

What a Country

"It may soon be possible to carry around an AK-47 assault rifle and an iPod with you down the street - and be arrested for carrying the iPod."

...

In his floor speech introducing the measure, [Utah Senator Orrin] Hatch said that once people are given PCs, they are bound to infringe. (Many would agree with him there). So he frames his bill as a protection. Hatch said people weren't aware that they were breaking the law by running P2P software, (citing work by Harvard's Berkman Center, which says the Senator quoted them out of context) and therefore running "piracy machines" that had been designed to mislead their users. Therefore, his argument goes, the users are in need of protection from 'inducement'.

Guh. So, according to that logic, why don't we just start charging gun owners with murder right now? 'Cause you know eventually someone's gonna be induced to pop a cap in someone.

"But officer, I didn't mean to run that red light, my car induced me with all that horsepower!"

Would someone introduce a bill to protect me from uptight, ancient, out-of-touch Senators who will flip flop on an issue over a steak dinner and a lobbyist blowjob? Loosen the collar, Orrin, I think your brain is in need of oxygen.

article

Disgusting

I missed the 60 Minutes II piece on prisoner mistreatment in Iraq, but the accompanying article is pretty disturbing.

One of the soldiers facing court martial, Army Reserve Staff Sgt. Chip Frederick, is a reservist who is a prison guard from Virginia. Frederick is pleading not guilty, despite photos like these (Warning: Possibly NSFW, and definitely disturbing) yet claims no personal responsiblity in these events due to a lack of "rules and regulations" on how exactly to run a prison from his commanding officers. WHA?!?!

"Well, they never said we couldn't make 'em strip and sit on top of 'em!"

America's finest...

Portland Fuzz Take Down Public Scourge, 71 Year Old Eunice Crowder

You really can't make this shit up. Take that, Granny! The cop that pepper sprayed her empty eye socket must feel like a real douchebag.

Moments later, she felt someone strike her in the head, which dislodged her prosthetic right eye from its socket, and was knocked to the ground, she claimed in her lawsuit.

"While she's still on the ground, on her stomach, they tased her in the back and in the breast," her lawyer said.

THE "BRIEF SAFE"

The "Brief Safe" is an innovative new diversion safe that can secure your cash, documents, and other small valuables from inquisitive eyes and thieving hands, both at home and when you're traveling. Items can be hidden right under their noses with these specially-designed briefs which contain a fly-accessed 4" x 10" secret compartment with Velcro® closure and "special markings" on the lower rear portion. Leave the "Brief Safe" in plain view in your laundry basket or washing machine at home, or in your suitcase in a hotel room - even the most hardened burgler or most curious snoop will "skid" to a screeching halt as soon as they see them. (Wouldn't you?) Made in USA. One size. Color: white (and brown).

iPod Used In Domestic Homicide

MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE (HLN) - A Memphis woman was arrested and charged with first-degree murder after she bludgeoned her boyfriend to death with an iPod.

- snip -

Police said no motive has been confirmed, although evidence suggested the murder was the result of a domestic dispute after Pulaski erased the contents of Mathers’ iPod.

According to law officers, Mathers was hysterical when police arrived and told them that she killed her boyfriend only after he accused her of illegally downloading music and erased about 2,000 of her MP3s. Mathers complained that it took 3 months to build her music collection.

An autopsy performed Friday afternoon at Methodist Hospital showed that Brad Pulaski had been beat multiple times in the face and chest by a blunt metal object, and died of internal bleeding, said Dr. Felix Klamut, deputy coroner.

According to Apple’s website, the iPod is partially made of a hard metal plate that’s been praised for it’s resistance to regular wear and tear, like drops and coffee spills.

“It took him a while to die,” Dr. Klamut said. “She must have stabbed him 40 to 80 times with that iPod. His death was not instantaneous, that’s for sure”

-------------

Q sez the best part of the whole story is the AD FOR AN iPOD MINI ON THE PAGE!

Parade of Freaks in Houston

I don't have time to log all the bizarre crimes that occur down here but my current favorite is this gal (right) who killed her abusive husband by tying him to the bed and stabbing him 200 times.

When asked why she didn't divorce him, she said, "it wasn't a Christian sort of thing to do, divorce."

Insert your own joke about erratic value systems here.

White knuckle scorin'!

I came across this fascinating site that has helpful advice in determining sentencing for convited felons.

You can play at home with the cool score cards and grids. Then download the PDF of an alphabetized list of crimes. It's like Vice City without the joystick.

Note: works best in Explorer.

Online Police Auctions

Get yer eBay on, COPS style. QTip notices there's lots of Hydroponic Growing items. Wonder if they come to your house, say 3 months after you buy one of them...

Nah, they wouldn't do that

Woman Gets 10 Years for Running Over McDonald's Manager: 'I Want Mayo on That!'

"I put the mayonnaise on her burger," Jenkins told jurors. "I took the onions and the mustard off. What did I do?"

Nolan was contrite during her testimony today and apologized for running over Jenkins on April 23. She said she had been going through "a bad time" in her life when she lost it in the drive-through line. 

Google Yourself

So I got one of those hysterical emails that was forwarded 100 times with a dire warning on it, and in the spirit of the internet I played along. Only this one is for real.

If you go to Google and type in your area code and phone number, chances are you'll show up. A quick mapquest search would give some nefarious character (who overheard your number) a map with a star on it indicating your house. Not good.

So, if this bothers you, go to this here page and see about getting yourself easily removed.

For those keeping track

Hold up a bank for a couple thousand dollars and you'll get ten to twelve.

Quietly bilk hundreds of thousands of people out of billions in savings, while wearing a tie, hiding behind a corporation and shouting "Long live the free-market!" and you might serve less than 5 years.

Predatory capitalism: The nations deepest value.

Enron's imaginative CFO was just sentenced and my hunch is he's not headed for a federal pound-you-in-the-ass prison.

Pizza Delivery Man forced to rob bank then killed via bomb

If you haven't already heard this story which occured a few days ago it will shock the hell out of you.

After a pizza delivery man went out to deliver a pizza, the customer attached a bomb to him, forcing him to hold up a bank. Afterwards he detonated the bomb and killed the poor guy.
Seriously disturbing.

(This story/link has already been revised to delete any reference to the delivery and blame the dead guy)

Update: Note found with body instructed victim how to defuse the bomb.

The full weight of the law

Newscaster Tamron Hall has a psychotic stalker who was just arrested when he showed up at her studio. They only had a description to go on, but the guy weighs 420-pounds, so it couldn't have caused too much tension.

I didn't realize you could still move at that weight. Couldn't she have just walked rapidly away from him? It's not like someone that big can surprise someone.

Citroen Hit By Fake Order For 5,700 cars

Something along the lines of the Nigerian email scam. To my mind, the best part is that it's Citroens, the French equivalent of the Edsel.

Plus, we just don't get enough use out of the cheese eating category

Scariest Mug Shot. Ever.

JUNE 25--Meet Dion Milam. The 30-year-old California inmate may be the scariest looking criminal TSG has ever seen. Milam, who wears "Aryan" and "Honor" tattoos above his eyebrows and a swastika tat on his neck, was charged yesterday in a methamphetamine case (his brother-in-law allegedly tried to mail the drug into the Stanislaus County Jail, where Milam is being held on a murder charge). The below mug shot was taken earlier this year following Milam's arrest in the murder case. Milam, who pulled a gun on sheriff's deputies, got roughed up a bit as he resisted arrest.

via The Smoking Gun

Crime. Punishment. And Mullets.

This Just In... I meant to post Dog's bio as an adjunct to this story but somehow messed up the post. Dog got his man, but he and Andrew Luster are cooling their heels in a Mexican jail..

Dog The Bounty Hunter is on the case.

Martha's Incarceration

Images from the "What will Martha Stewart's jail cell look like?" contest.

via boing boing

Our Father who art in (bump, crunch, crash...)

The 67 year old Roman Catholic bishop of Phoenix was arrested today when police investigating a deadly hit-and-run accident traced a license plate number to his car and found the windshield caved in.

Earlier this month, he escaped indictment for protecting child-molesting priests for a decade or two. Would it have made any difference if this schmoe had spent his life worshipping Satan?

Fired Workers Attack Boss With Spears

Fired workers from a local Volvo dealership in Indonesia attacked their Swedish boss with spears after negotiations over severance pay went awry, police said Friday.

In other Spears news... Britney gets blow-up boobs...

Donkers Boobs Busted By Butts

You can't make this shit up.

Out of work? Like to kill people?

In case you missed it, the CIA is trolling for fresh blood.
Yes, the US Central Intelligence Agency -- that fun-loving, drug-dealing, government-subverting dinosaur of a bureaucracy -- is running ads for new recruits.
The ad, in the employment section of the Wall Street Journal (September 7, 1999), features a photo of a smug-looking thirty-something woman with her chin in hand, and the preposterous headline -- "Do you have what it takes? Integrity.Intellect. Common Sense. Patriotism. Courage."
Sadly there was no mention of the applicant's ability to actively participate in, or at least look the other way, when confronted with state-sanctioned terrorism,like illegal drug smuggling or money laundering.
Sponsored by the CIA Directorate of Operations, Clandestine Service, the ad says you can't be older than 35 to enter the trainee program. In other words, the ad copy is aimed directly at people who may be unaware of the Agency's bloody and treacherous history.

Sweet new NVU office cam!

Cain't cha hear the wind howl? It's mah heart!

Remember kids!

Crime Stinks!

via fark

Not Smart

When Elizabeth Smart went missing in Utah, the National Enquirer published details of alleged salacious sexual antics involving her family, based on help from two local reporters, who split a $20,000 fee for the info.

On Sunday the reporters' paper, the Salt Lake City Tribune published a letter from the Editor which the Enquirer found libelous and now threatens a lawsuit over.

The reporters, whose resignations were rejected, have now been fired.

Anyone wonder why the media in this country is despised by so many?

Lion Tamer on Run with Lions and Son of Circus Boss

The woman, in her late 40s, is believed to have developed a close relationship with the 20-year-old man she was training to become a lion tamer, a police spokesman in the northern German town of Melle said.

The couple eloped with a truck containing the animals and is still on the run since disappearing on Monday night.

"If she can handle lions and tigers she shouldn't have trouble with a 20-year-old man," said Georg Dongowski, spokesman for the Melle police.

_{I'm almost sure there's a clown involved in this somewhere...}

Brown. Get it? OK, How about Coke II?

Paul Rand is probably on spin dry about now...

New business model: Deliveries, Orders, Wares and Nicieites

Things Not to Do

A man who pleaded guilty to aggravated assault had an additional six months tacked onto his eight-year sentence after he mooned the judge.

Judge Jim Parsons held 40-year-old Ray Mason in contempt of court Monday after he dropped his pants and showed Parsons and the rest of the court his backside.

Like Clockwork...

...responses from colleges began showing up yesterday right on time. Two of ten results are now in. The judges have sealed the ballots until April's treehouse party
(misc. taunts...)

Torture me all you like,
you're not getting anything out of me.

The Freedom Loving French

The French, being the staunch defenders of the rights of mankind that they are, passed this into law this week:

It is now a criminal offence to insult the French flag or national anthem. Booing the Marseillaise now carries the risk of a fine of 7,500 euros and six months in prison.

What's $8 Billion, Between Friends?

Does Don Johnson have the smuggler's blues, caught with $8 billion (yes, billion) by German police?

Then again, that's chump change. Try getting caught with Two Trillion Dollars...

American Russian Idol

Russian prison officials have promised the ultimate prize - freedom - to the winner of a contest to find the country's best singing prisoner.

"Security" Gone Mad: State Sells Confiscated Passenger Loot on eBay

That pocketknife you surrendered to airport security screeners might now be tucked away in someone else's pocket -- someone who bought it on EBay.

Under the handle CaliforniaGold2000, the state is using the Internet auction house to convert scores of confiscated items to cash.

Here's the list... and it's not all tweezers and sewing scissors, either.

One ton of comte stolen: a nation mourns.

Connoisseur thieves broke into a cheese cellar in eastern France and made off with over a ton of top-grade cheeses worth 10,000 euros (dollars), police said Wednesday.

The aficionados snubbed other, lower-quality batches maturing in the cellar and made off with 36 rounds of comte, a hard yellow cheese with a strong and slightly sweet flavor.

Really, why should France assist in "the war against terror" when they can't even protect cheese within their own borders?

(Yes, this is a feeble excuse to use the cheese-eating surrender monkeys category.)

Nokia Picture Phone IDs Lurking Villains

Police in Italy have recorded what is thought to be the world's first conviction thanks to a tip-off using an image sent by a mobile picture phone.

Preppy killer leaves prison today

After fifteen years of non-exemplary jail time, Robert Chambers, was released from prison this morning. Perhaps someone can kill him during "rough sex" now.

Sentencing Today

Opsahl's husband was a doctor who was called to the emergency room that day only to find his wife dead on the operating table.

>I couldn't find a current news story to go with this, but the five former members of the SLA are being sentenced today for this crime. They disappeared in 1975 and lived generally unremarkable lives since until they were captured, put on trial and convicted last year. Newspaper heiress Patty Hearst drove their getaway car and was granted immunity in exchange for testimony. Here's hoping they rot in the slammer...

Apologies to diamond purchasers

but Mr. Dash is dead fucking on.

"Carve the turkey any way you damn well please." Think about the number of assumptions there. A shrill harpie of a wife, so overbearing that she's prone to criticizing her husband's turkey carving, yet so inept that she can't carve the turkey herself because it's a man's job. A henpecked, spineless cad of a husband, so hapless that he accepts her orders to portion the poultry but then holds onto the resentment of her criticisms of his effort. A relationship so broken and twisted that his purchase of a blood-tainted rock from a monopolist cartel would appease her superficiality enough to get her to relent from her sniping at his performance of a trivial act. And this seems like a bargain because this man is so emotionally worthless that he couldn't just say, "Hey, if you want me to carve the turkey, you should probably be less critical of how I do it."

via svn

Pete Townshend arrested on child porn charges

The Peanut Gallery speaks:

John: "He couldn't hear the cops coming."

Pazen: "I guess the kids aren't alright."

via k-luv

We Now Join the Ninnies at The RIAA

- snip -

But the RIAA seems to be having a few problems with the facts itself.

Yesterday it issued a press release announcing a piracy bust in New York which unearthed 421 CD-R burners.

Only there weren't 421 burners, but "the equivalent of 421 burners."

In fact, there were just 156. How did the RIAA account for this discrepancy?

"There were only 156 actual burners, but some run at very high speeds: some as high as 40x. This is well above the average speed," was the official line yesterday.

- snip -

Krispy Kreme Puts Out A.P.B. on Blimp

"On this Thanksgiving, I would be thankful for the safe return of our blimp," stated Centioli. "We will express our thanks to whomever safely returns the blimp by giving them one dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts a month for life."

The Wrong Arm of the Law

Man Who Mailed Raccoon Head Charged With Felony

Photo is for reference purposes only.

The husband of a Maple Heights teacher faces a charge of felony retaliation for sending the head of a dead raccoon to a member of the administration's union contract negotiating team.

Zookeepers Suspended for Eating Animals

A police spokesman in Recklinghausen north of Cologne said the keepers in a section of the zoo popular with small children had slaughtered and barbecued five Tibetan mountain chickens and two Cameroonian sheep.

How a Global Media Empire Was Built on a Lie

The virtuous image of the Bertelsmann media empire has been destroyed by a devastating historical study into the company's Nazi links that exposes its post-war success as built on a lie.

-------------

Hey, if they'll give me Napster we'll call it even...

Music Industry Seeks Permission to Sabatoge Sharing Sites

They want to fuck with you, file swappers!

Snack-tacular Deaths in China

A man jealous of his business rival has confessed to poisoning the competitor's breakfast snacks.

Chen Zhengping told police he was driven by hatred of the owner of a thriving fast food store. Residents were shocked to see customers at the tiny store collapse, some bleeding from the mouth and ears, after eating fried dough sticks, sesame cakes and sticky rice balls there.

Chen put poison in the eatery's water supply and noodles hoping to give breakfast-eaters stomach trouble. When he saw people dying, he fled the city by train.
The number of dead is between 38 and 49.

The world's most ghetto clothing line...

"You know how you put your gun in your waistline and you gotta worry about it slipping? With these clothes, you don't got to worry about that. It's already in there!" Thank you, Beanie Sigel!

via zena

Ask not what the Criminal Justice system can do for you...

A judge sentenced Kennedy cousin Michael Skakel to 20 years to life in prison Thursday for the 1975 killing of his teen-age neighbor, Martha Moxley.

Skakel tearfully insisted he is innocent: "I have been accused of a crime. I would love to be able to say that I did it, but I cannot do that."

Why would someone LOVE to say they did it? Certainly an odd choice of words.

Teen Net Romance Ends in Brutal Murder, Arson

"You know, I've just had this weird feeling about them since (the kid accused of murder) moved in," she said. "I can't really explain it. ... There was just something that didn't seem right, something that made me uncomfortable."

----------

Aside from being the creepiest and most detailed crime blotter story I've ever read, I note that it has 5 bylines (they must get paid by the word at this paper)

I'm sorry Karen, but there'll be no more IM's from me ...

Blueberry Pie Apparently Sparks Murder-suicide

I like mine with vanilla ice cream but it ain't worth dying over...

"Perfume" Throws Off Drug Dogs

"We was real angry when they put the dogs on each end of town so you couldn't get in or out," he said, referring to incidents last year when Australian police brought drug dogs to Nimbin and nearby Byron Bay. "We figured that if the drugs were trained to smell, we'd give them something to smell all right!"

A team of awesome Aussies fanned out across the region, spraying street signs, curbsides, buildings, police cars and stations, and other locations with liquids that smelled of cannabis. (Ed. note: bong water)

Wanna make your own perfume? Try Bubblebags.

Sign of the Apocalypse - A New House 8 Category

Please read the inspiring story.

People, people, people! A hobby, a pet, anything.

via The Morning News

Land of the Green

The average person convicted in the savings-and-loan scandal of the early 1990s received 36.4 months in prison for stealing $100,000 or more. During the same period, someone committing burglary valued at $300 or less received 55.6 months.

Livid Wife Leaves Car Parked On Husband

Definitely not the Brady Bunch....

Clowns rob wine bar

via NextDraft

When Ice Cream Turns Violent

What's up with all the ice cream aggro lately?

Battling vendors, pissed off homeowners... People! People! Let's all have a drumstick and chill the fuck out!

(The ice cream truck in our neighborhood plays that "Do your ears hang low" song.)

via The Morning News and Obscure Store

Dennis Saunders Had a Really Bad Day

You think you've got it bad?

Drive-time Desperado Crashes and Yearns

An unemployed Italian man from Turin has been charged with fraud, harassment and damage to property after allegedly orchestrating at least 500 car crashes in a doomed effort to meet young women.

------------

You have to admit, he is persistent.

Big Tobacco and The Patriot Act

During the debate to pass the Financial Anti-Terrorist Act (later re-named the Patriot Act) after Sept. 11th, tobacco lobbyists managed to remove a section that basically said, "If you do stuff like money laundering in another country that we would consider illegal in the US, we will bust you."

Well, this presents a problem for Big Tobacco, who regularly smuggles squares into other countries to get around taxes and other nasty things that might cost them money.

...Philip Morris and Brown & Williamson developed a system for smuggling their Marlboros, Kools and other brands into [Colombia] without paying customs tariffs or any import taxes whatsoever. For more than a decade, this enabled them to compete head to head with ColombiaÕs domestic manufacturers: While legal imports of foreign cigarettes should cost from four to five dollars a pack, with all duties paid, they were sold throughout Colombia at just over a buck a pack.

And it worked.

Shortly after the Patriot Act passed the House without Section 107(B), CanadaÕs lawsuit was dismissed by the appeals court, which based its decision substantially on the revenue rule; and on Feb. 19, the Colombian and European cases were likewise dismissed by a federal district judge who also cited the revenue rule.

Who needs strong anti-terrorism legislation? Cheap smokes on holiday! Woo-hoo!

via blogdex

Adam Ant Denies Charges

As a follow up to a story posted a few months ago, Adam Ant has denied charges that he caused any harm to Plato Contostavlos, broke windows, or was generally insane.

Is this old man really Adam Ant???

Hi, My Name's R. What's Yours?

Something is Weird in Memphis

The Memphis Medical Examiner was bound in barbed wire at his office Saturday, with a bomb tied to his chest, and found by a security guard 2 hours later.

Last March, bombs were found at the morgue.

After a driver's license examiner was found dead in her burning car following a minor traffic accident last year, she was tied to 'middle-eastern men' in the scandal.

The medical examiner with the bomb on his chest did the autopsies on the driver's license examiner and also on Harvard biology researcher who inexplicably jumped off a Memphis bridge on his way home from a conference on bioterrorism. The biologist's death is notable because he was the first of three 'unexplained' deaths in the last year of such experts.

Body Found in San Jose Hot Tub

You steal a car, find yourself in hot water and exit the gene pool.

Works for me.

Celine Dion Kills iMacs!

If the caterwauling screams of her 'music' don't drive you to madness, it seems that Celine's new CD has copy-protection that muddles the firmware in an iMac.

Apple offers this fix, but the German Geek Patrol says that Sharpie Markers and Post-It Notes will do the trick, a link worth visiting if only for the Google translation.

In any case, the Digital Millenium Copyright Act of 1998 says that tampering with copy-protection is a crime.

I now present the first criminal act ever (as far as I know) on House8:

Hey Dionne, What Time Is It?

"It's 4:20"

She coulda used a psychic friend....

Court Shoots Down Man's Joke

A macabre practical joke has landed a Chester County man 15 years in federal prison without parole.

In May 2000, Jeffrey Price Barber, 44, tried to play a joke on his wife by firing a round from a .22-caliber rifle, smearing ketchup on his face and body, then lying on the floor in a bedroom of his house, according to a statement released Friday by the U.S. Attorney's Office in Columbia.

Public Urination May Be Punished With a $500 Fine (Outside Wrigley)

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Interestingly, 20-30% of offenders are women...

The Bong and The Rifle

On toward a "Stoner Homeland" ... And don't miss the 'gift section'... which I'd link to if they'd get off the pipe and dump the frames, c 1996...

Man Gets D-W-I Charge at Drive-thru

Binghamton, New York -- He probably just wanted a late-night snack -- but instead, a Binghamton, New York, man got himself a trip to jail.

Police say they found him dozing behind the wheel of his car as it idled at the drive-through speaker of a closed Burger King.

He's been charged with driving while intoxicated.

Hit-and-run Victim Trapped For Two Days

Mallard told police she had been drinking and using ecstasy the night she struck the man. The impact hurled him headfirst through the windshield, leaving his broken legs protruding onto the hood.

With the man still lodged in the windshield, the woman panicked and drove a few miles to her Fort Worth home, parked her car in the garage and lowered the door as Biggs, 37, began to plead for help, according to a police statement.

Investigators told the newspaper that Biggs received no aid for the next two or three days and remained lodged in the windshield, bleeding and slowly going into shock. Mallard told police she periodically went into the garage, apologizing to him but doing nothing about his cries for help.

Citizen ICAM

This little service allows one to track criminal activity in their Chicago neighborhood over the past 2 weeks. The URL, http://12.17.79.6/, is about as easy to remember as the Mattress Giant jingle.

Couple jailed for Christmas lights

Peoria officials say that Flores and her husband, Tony, last year violated a code requiring Christmas decorations to be removed 19 days after the holiday. They were still on the home in April.

Kee-rist, this should be a federal law!

There's a house over by where we used to live that has enough crap on their house, in their lawn, and hanging from specially constructed scaffolding to put the owners away for multiple life sentences. It defies explanation. Every year I swear I'm going to get a picture of it but I never get around to it. And yes, the "decorations" (I'll use the term loosely.) are still up; we drove past it last night, and it appears as though they are slowly creeping over to the neighbor's house as well.

via Obscure Store

Toilet Stall Robber

Only in America! Only in Tennessee! The funniest part of this--the thief will receive 6 to 10 years in prison, the same sentence a Hockey Dad got for killing a man in a fist fight!

via The Obscure Store and Reading Room

Slate Explainer: What's Osama Talking About?

What's With Bin Laden's two-front war? After the collapse of the Soviet Union, Bin Laden dropped the Russians as "Public Enemy No. 1" and focused on the United States. Explainer doesn't want to make too much of this World War I theory, but it's possible that Bin Laden thinks he defeated the Soviet Union. If the end of World War I is the central historical moment to Bin Laden...

-snip-

On September 11, 1922, the British mandate came into force over Palestine. ("Mandate" in this sense means a commission given to a nation to govern a territory.) The British mandate lasted until 1948, when the state of Israel was established.

via My brother....

Airline bailout?

The Senate approved a $15 billion bailout of the airline industry today, 96-1. The one dissenting vote was that of the typically combative and controversial Peter Fitzgerald (R) of Illinois.

I caught the tail end of his comments as I was driving home tonight, and I have to say I probably agree with him.

An excerpt:

"Either the shareholders or the taxpayers will take a hit," stated Fitzgerald, "and I donÕt think itÕs at all intuitive that the right thing to do is shift the cost of the industry decline from the shareholders to the taxpayers."

The senator explained that the shareholders are, in many cases, sophisticated investors who may be familiar with the industry and who understand the inherent risks in airline stock. The currently structured bailout would protect them, while making ordinary American taxpayers foot the bill.
(emphasis mine)

From the linked MSNBC article:
Even as lawmakers debated the provisions of the bill, some questioned whether an industry with such highly paid executives, and that was financially wobbly even before Sept. 11, should be given a special government-financed aid package.

Addressing at least part of those concerns, Congress stated that executives of airlines seeking assistance could not receive salary increases over the next two years if their current salaries exceed $300,000 a year.

$300,000! You've got to be fucking kidding me! What about the tens of thousands of people that are about to lose their jobs over this? Not a fucking word about them. But heaven forbid some jackass CEO make less than 6 figures a year. Now that would be a real tragedy.

Sheep Molester Andrew Falconer Arrested.

CHICAGO , IL (WASARRESTED) --Andrew Falconer is currently being held in custody on his third animal abuse offense.

- click the title to read the sickening truth -

It must be really GOOD pot

A naked man seen wandering around leads authorities to his marijuana growing facility and asks for their help in harvesting it.

via Ben G

Circus Clown Found Guilty

RIVERHEAD, N.Y. ÐÐ A professional circus clown has been convicted of sodomizing his teen-age assistant.

Christopher Bayer, 29, known as "Smiley the Clown," was found guilty Wednesday on nine counts including sodomy, sexual abuse and endangering the welfare of a child. He was acquitted on four other charges.

The boy's father grew suspicious in 1999 and placed a surveillance camera in the living room of the family's Long Island home, where Bayer would sometimes stay when in the area.

Recovering the audio on the Nixon tape

The government is giving audio experts a chance to uncover a key subterfuge of Watergate. When Nixon turned in his personal recordings of meetings in his office, 18 and a half minutes of tape (recorded three days after the break-in) were blank.

But technology has moved forward and recovering lost audio is possible now. The team has to show they can really retrieve voices from test recordings that have been erased Ñ without mangling the original tapes.

Chicago Crime Report

Type in your address and see where caps are gettin' busted, wives are getting beat and where narcotics are getting sold.

Only 9 crimes in my hood in the last 14 days. Time to start a fight club to boost the stats.

I am down on whores and I shant quit ripping them...

I saved some [blood from] the last job to write with but it went thick like glue...

Read the creepy letters Jack the Ripper wrote to taunt the police. The whole site is pretty interesting.

Also a horrible pic of his last victim: Not for the squeamish

Poor widdle puppy...

SAN JOSE, California (AP) -- A man who tossed a fluffy little dog to its death in a bout of road rage last year was sentenced to the maximum Friday: three years behind bars.

If there was ever an injustice in the world... someone buy this guy a beer!


via Al-Dank