House 8 is no longer active, at least here. We're over here now.
dumb people
02 Feb 2009
Practice this expression
Whether you're a crusading moralist sneaking away to diddle hookers, or you're an up-and-coming cabinet member who forgot to pay $100,000.00 in taxes, a simple mea culpa will no longer suffice. To show real contrition these days, you've got to flash this face at the cameras; the look that says "I'm deliberately pantomiming something like regret."
Don't be the last person on your block to look crontrite. Go ahead, do something questionable... Your'e covered with the Spitzchle (tm) face.
Apparently, $9.11. That's right. Some Giuliani-supporting assface decided it'd be a good idea to suggest a $9.11 donation to attend his Giuliani House Party fundraiser event.
[Abraham] Sofaer was a State Department adviser under President Reagan and is a fellow at Stanford University's Hoover Institution. Federal election data indicates Sofaer has given nearly $50,000 to Republican causes and candidates, including Giuliani, since 1995.
According to the invitation, "$9.11 for Rudy" is an "independent, non-denominational grass-roots campaign to raise $10,000 in small increments to show how many individual, everyday Americans support 'America's Mayor.'"
I swear to Yahweh, I wish this type of crap never happened in politics. Wouldn't it be cool if our reps could spend their time doing something positive for the country, rather than cover their ass (or in the case of Hastert, add to their ass). But when things like this come along, it proves the Dems are just patsies. Networks like Fox KNOW they can pull this bogus "error" bs and get away with it.
In the wake of "wildlife warrior bloke" Steve Irwin's death, his duuuuuuuuumbest supporters have apparently concluded that the animal kingdom must be punished. Up to 10 mutilated stingrays have washed up in coastal waters since his death.
The stingrays probably have a larger capacity for abstract thought, but God love em, these fans sure can connect the dots.
He loves to cuss, gets a jolly when a mountain biker wipes out trying to keep up with him, and now we're learning that the first frat boy loves flatulence jokes. A top insider let that slip when explaining why President Bush is paranoid around women, always worried about his behavior. But he's still a funny, earthy guy who, for example, can't get enough of fart jokes. He's also known to cut a few for laughs, especially when greeting new young aides, but forget about getting people to gas about that.
Criminal charges may be advanced in the coming months for federal employees of NORAD who deliberately lied to local authorities and the media on 9/11. Aside from that, the transcripts that have come to light do not restore your faith in U.S. competence.
POWELL: Is this real-world or exercise?
BOSTON CENTER: No, this is not an exercise, not a test.
ROUNTREE: Is that real-world?
DOOLEY: Real-world hijack.
WATSON: Cool!
The motive?: "The false testimony served a purpose: to obscure mistakes on the part of the F.A.A. and the military, and to overstate the readiness of the military..."
"How good would it have looked for the government in general if we still couldn't have stopped the fourth plane an hour and 35 minutes [into the attack]? How good would it have looked if there was a total breakdown in communication and nothing worked right?"
American superficiality... still our deepest value.
Ken Lay has reportedly died of a "massive coronary," which may be another way of saying he was killed by the collective thoughts and hopes of millions of people.
Gitmo hangings "good PR" according to US Deputy Assistant Secretary of State
Wow, she must really be important with a title like that. DEPUTY Assistant? Is that like a Junior Ranger Rick badge or something? Where does the Bush administration FIND these morons? Oh, right, they're all friends. Dur.
after he shot him, the scent of blood drove him into a frenzy
Imagine that - Cheney nearly offs someone, and just goes about his business, since he has his personal ambulance (filled with vials of blood from vestal virgins, of course) that follows him round the clock.
But I don't think I will ever get the hunter/killer mentality. Here's a quote from the woman who owns the ranch where the Vice Imperialist was at:
"This is something that happens from time to time. You know, I've been peppered pretty well myself," said Armstrong.
"Wreck the Nation" is Monopoly played the topsy-turvy, neo-con way.
Just imagine the expression on the faces of all the right-wing dopes in your family when they find this under the tree Christmas morning.
I wouldn't hire this guy to oversee the making of a cheese sandwich. I suppose his first client will be himself, so he can plan how to fix his disaster of a career.
No time for accountability, because it's all booked up with spin.
After a heated exchange with the White House press over accountability in the Bush administration where McClellan argued that "now is not the time to point fingers," he somehow found the time to clarify Barbara Bush's inexcusable and insensitive comments from the other day.
White House press secretary Scott McClellan said: "I think she was making a personal observation on some of the comments that people were making that she was running into. ... But what we're focused on is helping these people who are in need."
Asked if Bush agreed with his mother, McClellan said: "I think that the observation is based on someone or some people that were talking to her that were in need of a lot of assistance, people that have gone through a lot of trauma and been through a very difficult and trying time. And all of a sudden, they are now getting great help in the state of Texas from some of the shelters."
BULL. SHIT. What she quite clearly said was, "Hey, this is a step up for the everyday no-hope poverty and squallor these people live in. Hurricane Katrina did them a FAVOR."
Scotty, OF COURSE she was making a "personal observation." She just happened to make it in front of the press while touring a shelter for thousands of displaced people who just got collectively kicked in the nads by Mother Nature and their government. Keep your personal observations to the fucking country club dining room, if you must voice them at all, Babs.
We've got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we're going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we're going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch. (Laughter.)
I am utterly disgusted and embarrassed that this waste of flesh is the President of our country. I feel sorry for Trent Lott getting dragged into such an insane statement.
A team of cheerleaders attending a camp in Ann Arbor did what came naturally after witnessing a crash on Wednesday afternoon.
The Lincoln High School varsity cheerleading squad turned a license plate number into a cheer when a man driving a pickup truck involved in the collision fled the scene, according to the Ann Arbor News.
It is being reported that Karl Rove was the source that revealed the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame. This story is just beginning to break, we'll see how much momentum it actually has. Given the shit this administration has gotten away with, however, I wouldn't be surprised if Rove managed to spin this into some sort of Congressional medal for himself.
The Huffington Post has more on Rovegate. (Do I get points for being the first to call it that?)
So, it turns out it was Brian H. Darling, a lawyer for first year Senator Mel Martinez (R-Fla.), who suggested in a memo that Republicans could use the Terri Schiavo case for political gain.
Hmmm, that's funny. I thought all those self-righteous windbags were standing up to protect their good friend Terri?
The comedy of errors continues. Not only didn't Martinez know Darling wrote the memo (he claims), he went ahead and passed it along to another senator without reading it.
Florida, between Jeb and this guy, you're in capable hands. Godspeed.
An e-mail warning of the coming tsunami arrived an hour before the wave hit southern Thailand, but the government-run Earthquake Bureau failed to read it because they were too busy sending faxes about earthquakes in the region and didn't check their mail.
Burin Vejbanterng, the duty officer at the time said, “To be honest I did not think of the waves because my speciality is earthquakes.”
JH: - I think the Earthquake Bureau needs a new spokesperson... - People still use fax machines?
States that favored Kerry had higher IQ and higher personal incomes.
Maybe there was something to the caption on the cover of the Daily Mirror from yesterday?
This web page correlates the average IQ's of the states residents with the candidate that they voted for.
On another web page they correlate the average income of the states residents with the candidate that they voted for.
Apparently we need to either get more money into the red states for education, or introduce some genes from the blues states into the gene pool of the red states to help get their IQ's up above that 100 point threshhold?
Okay, I have to be honest here. I've been going back and forth and back and forth on whether or not Dubya is really as dumb as he appears, or if it's all just a good ol' boy act.
Exhibit #29845 for the former: The President of the United States' explanation of tribal sovereignty.
Wow. It's almost as though the words hurt coming out.
Bob Costas and Katie Couric: Our Ambassadors of Ignorance
I have a feeling this is probably one of many future rants on these idiots.
First, they decided to talk straight through Björk's performance (not that I'm a big Björk fan or anything, but shut yer traps!)
During IOC President Jacques Rogge's speech, Couric was seemingly translating as Rogge addressed the crowd in French. The only problem was, he hadn't actually gotten to that part yet, and ended up giving that portion of the speech in English. So NBC obviously had an advance copy of the address, how 'bout some subtitles for your largely ignorant monolinguist audience?
When Rogge did switch to English, Costas played the Jackass American Card with, "He has now switched to English, much to our relief."
Dipshit.
UPDATE It appears as though the Bob and Katie Phenomenon is an international problem.
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Bush told a roomful of top Pentagon brass on Thursday that his administration would never stop looking for ways to harm the United States.
The latest installment of misspeak from a president long known for his malapropisms came during a signing ceremony for a new $417 billion defense appropriations bill that includes $25 billion in emergency funding for operations in Iraq and Afghanistan.
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we," Bush said.
The website for the Bush-Cheney campaign featured a create your own banner tool, where you could enter your own slogan and print out your own poster, with the Bush-Cheney logo, and a note at the bottom "paid for by Bush-Cheney '04, Inc." Democrats, of course, couldn't get enough of this. The original sloganator accepted everything, then it started censoring profanity and words like "dictator," and "evil." Nevertheless, many clever folks exploited the sloganator to their own ends before its sad demise only a couple of weeks after its birth, and its mourners assembled some of the best for the slide show.
*Make sure you have your sound on & props out to snoonen.
Dis piece uh legislation is like uh play I ran once against da Packers
I'm sure Chicagoans already heard about this, but tapping oaf/douchebag/sociopath Mike Ditka to run as the Republican candidate for Governor made me laugh out loud. Ditka has all the qualities the GOP loves; a primitive reactionary lizard brain, a natural resistance to considering any topic longer then 4 seconds and all the interactive skills of a bully.
Chalk one up for the cult of personality.
Already matching Bush's aptitude for destroying the language, Ditka said Tuesday, "I'll make the final decision-making."
The Ozarks, MO - In May Judge Randy Anglen came home from work, had dinner and swigged a Miller Lite. When he drained the last bit into the sink, he heard a "plop." When he peered into the bottle, the first thing he saw was a long tail coiling around the inside of the bottle. Then he saw the rest of the mouse.
"The first thing I did was...
Step1: ...scream in horror."
Step 2: "Then I screamed in revulsion."
Step 3: "Then I dropped to the ground, holding my head in my hands"
Step 4: "while I was still screaming."
Step 5: "My wife ran in, holding our 1-year-old, and she started screaming and..."
Step 6: "...the baby was screaming because she didn't know what was wrong.
It was 5 minutes before I could regain enough composure to say: 'Don't worry. I'm OK.'" Anglen says retelling the story engenders nausea. "I was so revulsed [sic]. I wanted to reach inside my body and pull my guts out and hose them off."
In an effort to reach that highly-sought 16th minute of fame, the previously respected judge generously pantomimed the event for the cameras.
A juror named Justin Falconer has been let go from the Scott Peterson jury for talking to Laci's brother-in-law, which is a no-no. Since he is now free to speak this ADD wonder rambles on about how he couldn't follow the prosecutions case.
"You are dismissed juror #5. You are free to go back to playing video games..."
He's exhibit A in the case for the quote: "Would you want your fate in the hands of 12 people dumb enough to show up for jury duty?"
Still not getting the hang of faking the role of innocent widower, murderous pariah OJ Simpsons disclosed Wedneday he is not happy with his dead ex-wife. "There are times I'm angry at her," the former football star said in comments, "There are things that she could be doing with the kids better than I, you know? When it's emotional stuff, especially with my daughter, I am angry with her."
huh? for not surviving your attack?
Someone needs to tell the jerk that it's very hard for a woman to raise her children once she's been decapitatied.
The problem with being an autocratic asshole is that when cracks finally appear, everyone piles on. After getting away with too much for too long, the Bush admin now can't do anything right. His old-school hard-lining takes the admin deeper and deeper into the slime he has successfully hidden till now.
- At todays military interrogation senators sneered at military stonewalling and aren't falling for the token court martials. i.e. "...no oone authorized anything amiss, no one did anything amiss, so we have a general apology with no one to blame..."
- The military bombed an Iraqi wedding today killing somewhere between 20 and 40 people.
- An army-issue rocket launcher was found near an Atlanta airport yesterday.
- A poll indicates that 73% of Americans believe that the low-level court-martials are just a cover up.
- General Pappas has affirmed he DID give orders to strip and handcuff detainees.
- A new disk of abuse pictures was found todaywith pix of soldiers giving the thumbs up over Iraqi corpses on ice (!!!)
- Even conservative pundits have shifted from knee-jerk defense of the scandal to concern/neutrality when probed. I haven't seen a far-right defense of this crap in at least a week.
- Colin Powell is distancing himself from the admin, departing from the offical story with an interview the other day stating he was deliberately misled about WMD.
- Gas prices continue to go through the roof.
Here's where the stink from the Bush camp has reached.
- Texas Justice - The nations most depraved and draconian penal system set up Abu Ghraib.
- "Surpised" Rumsfeld set up the rules at Abu Ghraib himself!
Article on the cigarette chompin', thumbs-up givin', genital-pointin' good ol' gal of Abu Ghraib.
"To the country boys here, if you're a different nationality, a different race, you're sub-human. That's the way girls like Lynndie are raised."
Is it ironic or sad that most Americans probably consider West Virginia to be inhabited by sub-humans?
Where is the personal responsibility? Certainly, there is none coming from the superior officers of those involved. But statements like
"They are trying to pin all of this on the lower ranks. My daughter was just following orders. I think there's a conspiracy. "
and that other idiot Fredrick's father claiming his son is a "scapegoat" are so predictable. Nothing is anyone's fault anymore. Things just "happen," and individuals are "sorry" for things that "happen."
Huh? Did someone use some fucking alien mind-meld mojo on you and FORCE you to stack naked Iraqis like cordwood, as you stood behind them with a shit-eating grin on your face, givin' the boys back home a big ol' thumbs up?
A cartoonist generated some controvesy noting that letting yourself be used by the military and the excuse-swappping GOP is actually dumb, not heroic, or if anything it's just a waste. No one would have cared if Tillman didn't look like like he was assembled from some uber-male checklist. The continued assertion that he died protecting our freedom is bizarre.
How has Iraq ever threatened my freedom?
"Tillman -- who gave up a $3.6-million National Football League contract to join the military and then died last month -- "falsely believed Bush's war against Iraq had something to do with 9/11. Actually, he was a cog in a low-rent occupation Army that shot more innocent civilians than terrorists to prop up puppet rulers and exploit gas and oil resources. So when Tillman got killed by the Afghan resistance, one word naturally came to mind: 'Uh -- idiot?' [says one person in the cartoon's final panel]. 'Sap?' [says another]. 'Hero!' [says an editor]."
One of the soldiers facing court martial, Army Reserve Staff Sgt. Chip Frederick, is a reservist who is a prison guard from Virginia. Frederick is pleading not guilty, despite photos like these (Warning: Possibly NSFW, and definitely disturbing) yet claims no personal responsiblity in these events due to a lack of "rules and regulations" on how exactly to run a prison from his commanding officers. WHA?!?!
"Well, they never said we couldn't make 'em strip and sit on top of 'em!"
While most "Let's all stone Satan" events, are just good wholesome fun, Sunday's annual ritual ended in a stampede that left 244 Muslim worshipers dead.
Minister Iyad Madani said, "All precautions were taken to prevent such an incident, but this is God's will." I guess he means all precautions but actually holding a "Let's stone Satan!" event. Apparetly if everyone had stayed home God would have struck down the same 244 devotees cutting their toenails and washing their clothes.
...as long as you pretend you believe in their values. Machiavellian George Bush wants to spend $1.5 billion to talk the poor into getting married so he can funnel millions into religious organizations that provide premarital and marriage counseling. Religiously sanctified boning among the poor will help the douchebag sleep at night...
The usual crap: Programs that counsel gay and lesbian couples would be excluded.
Soon he'll legislate everything off TV except the Donna Reed Show and Leave it to Beaver, to move the country back to the 50's.
A former valley TV news anchor says it "goes down in one of those categories-- what was I thinking?"
Catherine Bosley resigned from her job last month after learning pictures of her taking part in a wet t-shirt contest started circulating on the Internet and on videotape.
Houston has built a light rail line which will soon run between downtown, the museums and the Reliant stadium. It doesn't really begin running till next month, but they've been doing test runs. The third collision occured yesterday.
I'm betting it was near the Sears store on Main where they decided two cross streets could use a third variable, and ran it directly through the intersection.
"hmmmmmm.... that seems like a really stupid place to put a train" I thought when I first saw it.
In almost any other city a light rail line would be a responsible eco-friendly choice but in Houston they have received mucho criticism. A route connecting said attractions is most likely to be used by tourists, but Houston has no tourists. Have you ever met anyone in your life who's said "We're going to Houston for the weekend"?
I've griped previously about how nerdy the Lord of the Rings movies are, but the english language lacks a word that captures the magnitude of dorkiness contained in the image below; 3 fanboys attending the premiere in Jackson Michigan.
The only women this trio will ever get near are their mothers.
I've griped previously about how nerdy the Lord of the Rings movies are, but the english language lacks a word that captures the magnitude of dorkiness contained in the image below; 3 fanboys attending the premiere in Jackson Michigan.
The only women this trio will ever get near are their mothers.
The Catholic Church is telling people in countries stricken by Aids not to use condoms because they have tiny holes in them through which the HIV virus can pass - potentially exposing thousands of people to risk.
At first this really pissed me off until I realized that one well planned out lawsuit could bring free AIDS drugs to every country across four continents courtesy of the Vatican. Anyone in South Africa feelin' litigious?
Federal officials are investigating how a man managed to hide inside a crate that was flown by a major cargo carrier from New York to Dallas, Texas.
Charles McKinley wanted to go to his father's house in Dallas and decided to "ship himself rather than pay for a ticket," said Transportation Security Administration spokeswoman Suzanne Luber.
McKinley secured himself in the crate, apparently with some help, along with his computer and some clothes.
He was arrested on outstanding warrants when the terrified delivery guy called the cops. I don't know about you, but I'm glad we're spending all this money to make the skies safer. Sheesh.
I would seriously be one of the guys attacked. Whenever I used to golf, it seemed like people behind us were always bitching about how slow we were. Or maybe this is how they golf in Detroit... Karen?
Within a few paces of the first (classy) Rice building from 1912, today's introductory events were held in this heinous, eye-popping piece of tripe.
The only thing more feeble than it's interiors are the creator's self-congratulatory remarks: "The public found that it was everything a building ought to be - and even more... It had big columns and capitals... all of the big columns are service ducts, called 'robot-beams' and 'robot-columns.'" uhhh... yeah... so much for Brits being articulate.
The latin term horror vacuii, meaning "fear of blank spaces," could have been invented for surface noodling this desperate. The colors in the image below are about half as saturated as the actual building.
Duncan Hall / John Outram
Click to view a larger image (if your retinas can stand it).
In a recent interview with New York Magazine, Shockey allegedly called Bill Parcells a "homo."
Last year on Howard Stern, Shockey shared these stunningly-crafted thoughts on the possibility of having a gay teammate in college.
"No. I mean, if I knew there was a gay guy on my college football team, I probably wouldn't, you know, stand for it. You know, I think, you know, they're going to be in the shower with us and stuff, so I don't think that's gonna work."
The parents of Ghyslain Raza, the Quebec teenager who became a celebrity this spring after classmates posted on the Internet a video of him mimicking a Star Wars character, allege that their son was so humiliated by the experience that he had to get psychiatric care.
If you haven't read about it yet..... The new Foo Fighter's video featuring my oddest personal crushes to date: Jack Black and Dave Grohl, was banned. Watch the video and tell me if you can figure out why. (I just can't seem to find anything offensive).
July 4, 2003 -- LIQUID Gold: According to local beer industry sources, the Mets' and Yanks' concessionaires purchase half-kegs in bulk for approximately $29 per half-keg, roughly half the cost charged to bars and restaurants. Each half-keg holds 1,984 ounces, or 124 16-ounce servings.
So, if the teams sell 16-ounce servings for about $6.50, which they do, the profit over the initial purchase price of each half-keg begins when the fifth beer is sold and that profit, per half-keg, is nearly $800.
And that's why, regardless of the escalation of brew-fueled episodes of incivility at ballparks and arenas, those who call for the ban of beer sales are wasting their breath, ink and time.
POP history repeated itself as farce yesterday when Eminem, the enfant terrible of rap, dangled a plastic baby over the edge of his hotel balcony in Glasgow, to the delight of the small crowd of fans who had waited all day to see him.
His gesture parodied the actions of Michael Jackson, who last year provoked international outrage by holding a real baby - purportedly his own - over a hotel balcony in Germany in front of horrified crowds below.
The rapper's latest stunt adds to a catalogue of incidents that have secured his status as one of the most controversial figures in pop music today, leading George W Bush to label him "the most dangerous threat to American children since polio".
--- snip ---
Advertisements that affront "human dignity" by demeaning women would be prohibited under proposals being drafted by the European Commission.
Television programmes would also be censored to ensure there was no promotion of gender stereotypes.
The plans, still in their infancy, are already provoking bitter dispute in Brussels and were described by one commission official yesterday as "lunatic".
--- snip ---
Mrs Diamantopoulou has so far succeeded in pushing through legislation such as a "Vibrations Directive" limiting the time farmers can spend on tractors and a "Noise Directive" restricting decibel levels in the workplace.
--- snip ---
Imagine what will happen when something really important comes up, like GDP variations or insurance liability...
Certain to be banned under the rules discussed would be the Page 3 Girls...
After jumping from the fifth floor of a downtown San Francisco mall and injuring an unsuspecting bystander on the ground floor, San Francisco police spokesman Dewayne Tully reports a man in his 20s inexplicably got up and jumped a second time.
I admit that one of the reasons I posted this is that the fireman in back on this picture must not be real popular back at the firehouse, because he's got to hold the perp OVER HIS HEAD for the entire escalator ride. What, there's no elevator in this building?
"It's an important personal piece of music for him, a piece of art," spokesman Dennis Dennehy said Friday. "He doesn't mind him doing the song, (but) he didn't want to change kids' visual perception on what that image was. He wanted to make sure the image would remain intact."
Eminem, you're fourteen minutes and forty five seconds in. Anything else you wanna do before fifteen?
Wayne Newton's wallaby escaped from the performer's home Thursday morning, leading police, animal control officers and an urban cowboy on a two-mile chase through south Las Vegas.
Disclaimer:
The term "Rice-Boy" is meant to be a derogatory term. But not racially derogatory. Some people might say that regardless of what this disclaimer says, it makes Asians look bad. Well, I hate to break it to these people but asians are not the only people on this planet who eat rice. Everyone eats rice. White people eat rice. Black people eat rice. Native Americans? They eat rice. Europeans eat rice!! And, if you open your eyes, you might notice that a whole lot of the rice-boys out there aren't even asian! The "rice" really refers to their cars. It's not about their race, it's about their attitude!
The lion tamer had left the latch to the cage door open, and only realised the lions had escaped when he went to his trailer to get another bottle of vodka.
Dimitri Pavlov, 41, then raised the alarm and tried to round the animals up, but he was killed when they turned on him.
The mother of a Los Angeles woman allegedly killed and partially eaten by aspiring Texas rapper Antron Singleton (aka Big Lurch) has filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against Tha Row Records and others, Billboard Bulletin reports.
Singleton, 27, allegedly killed and mutilated his 21-year-old roommate, Tynisha Ysais, on April 10, 2002, following a night of drug use. A medical examination of Singleton's stomach after his arrest found human flesh, according to reports. Singleton is awaiting trial on charges of murder and torture.
The woman, in her late 40s, is believed to have developed a close relationship with the 20-year-old man she was training to become a lion tamer, a police spokesman in the northern German town of Melle said.
The couple eloped with a truck containing the animals and is still on the run since disappearing on Monday night.
"If she can handle lions and tigers she shouldn't have trouble with a 20-year-old man," said Georg Dongowski, spokesman for the Melle police.
I'm almost sure there's a clown involved in this somewhere...
No matter where you stand on this war, no matter what you think of Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, et al., can we all agree on this?
Not only is Saddam's regime a wild pack of twisted bastards, they're also in possession of some of the best drugs on the planet. Pass the bong, dude! I wanna see the color blue yer seein'!
"They're not even [within] 100 miles. They are not in any place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion. ... They are trying to sell to the others an illusion."
- Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Why is the US-led coalition spouting what amounts to stamping their feet and whining "Not Fair! Harrumph!" I truly do not understand this. It's a FUCKING WAR. Of COURSE the Iraqi regime are a bunch of evil bastards, and are going to use every tactic possible to harm, disrupt and delay coalition forces. The nerve! How dare Iraqis use "modified commerical vehicles" to move troops around? (Um, what's that yer riding in Mr. Coalition Guy, A HUMVEE!)
This is akin to the British complaining that US Revolutionaries weren't adhering to the conventions of warfare by resorting to guerrilla warfare before there was such a term, instead of lining up in rows and firing muskets at one another until enough were dead to determine a winner.
And as for all you out there thinking we were gonna just roll up to the front door and ask Saddam to come out and play, get a grip. War sucks. People die. They knew that when they signed up, and I am in awe of those that would put themselves knowingly in such a position.
What's the alternative? I'm not smart enough to know, and would never claim to be. I do know this: the UN certainly doesn't know the answer, either.
While black bears are native to Illinois, they no longer live in the wild. The bear won't be hard to miss, it's 7-feet-tall when standing on its hind legs.
Authorities are warning area residents to cover their garbage cans and leash their dogs.
From the "so disturbing it's just gotta be true" dept.:
Indian-born Canadian citizen sent packing back to India after O'Hare INS agent thinks her passport "looks funky." (Well, Canucks are kinda funky, after all...)
"We have very high-tech technology out there to detect these kinds of tampered documents," said Gail Montenegro. (emphasis mine)
WTF?!? Maybe this should be a new reality show: Where's The INS Going To Erroneously Deport You?
All I can say is, I thank my lucky stars every day people like Ms. Montenegro are guarding our borders. Say, that sounds like one of dem foreener names. Where you from, lady?
The ranks of the obese in Oregon have swelled (hee hee) from 11 percent in 1990 to 21 percent in 2000. "We felt it was within our purview (?) to make an accommodation for these people," said some guy in charge.
Just skip the ambulance and build that town a gym
The retrofitted ambulance uses ramps and a winch to get big tubs of goo with uncontrollable food urges on board. The unit carries a flat cot that can hold up to 1,000 pounds and a wider gurney because the patients flab hangs over both sides on the regular version. shudder... only in America!
Hospitals expect to use the unit at least twice a week. The new ambulance will be more comfortable for heavy patients "and will help preserve their dignity." Top three punchlines follow:
1) so they can eat it later
2) Isn't it a little late for that?
3) (Dignity last seen twelve thousand doughnuts ago)
These are just a couple of highlights from a seriously goofy article. I wonder if it's stocked with Twinkies and coated with a foul-tasting substance to prevent patients from eating the vehicle.
Oh happy day.
Comiskey Park has been renamed U.S. Cellular field. Isn't that nice? Doesn't it just roll off your tongue? It really gives you pride in the place, and makes you glad to be a tool of capitalism.
Bush resolves to resolve that the nation is resolved.
In case your keeping track, the State of the Union address was the eighth speech in which the chimpanzee-in-chief has used the term "resolve" to sum up the nations unvanquishable spirit. Someone needs to send the silly bitch a vocabulary builder.
Declared Bush: "Our faith is sure, our resolve is firm, and our union is strong."
The "Coolest Seats in Town" contest by Birmingham-based BRMB, which required participants to sit on blocks of dry ice at -78C, left some with permanent scarring.
In a bizarre case of road rage, a 20-year-old Poolville man was struck and killed north of Weatherford on Monday night after he exited his car and kicked and pounded another vehicle...
Peaster volunteer fire Capt. Mike Norris, who responded to the accident scene, said: "To me, it was a big case of the brain not functioning. Road rage is that way."
This article is about Uncle Saddam, a documentary film (being shown later this month on Cinemax/HBO) that focuses on the insanity of "His Excellency, President Saddam Hussein, Servant of God, Believer, Leader of All Muslims". The narration is written by Scott Thompson of the Kids in the Hall. Much of the humor stems from Saddam's obsesive-compulsive germ-o-phobia.
It has been said that civilization has three principle adversaries: barbarism, crime and madness. Mr. Hussien seems to excel in all three.
Montana's Libertarian Senate candidate Stan Jones has turned blue from drinking a silver solution that he believed would protect him from disease. Jones said he started taking the stuff in 1999 after becoming concerned that Y2K disruptions might lead to a shortage of antibiotics.
This is precisely the kind of leadership this country needs.
Misinformed, paranoid... unembarrased.
Hi, my name is Nick Howard. I had read your article about Save Karyn. I am a college student who is starting a similar site to help pay for tuition. I was wondering if you would think about writing an article when the site becomes live in the next week or two. I have no credit cards or debt. Just school costs. I know the story has made national news, and I was trying to get a line of supporters to help out my cause. If you have any questions feel free to contact me.
Sincerely,
Nick Howard
(URL purposely omitted. He's from Dallas, so that probably explains a lot. His phone number is 214-641-XXXX. Feel free to scrawl it on your local dive bar bathroom, or pass it on to the telemarketer that calls you tonight. Get creative!)
Update: Guess ol' Nick doesn't want help that badly. Stop sending your personal info. to strangers, Nicky, you dumb shit.
Hi, my name is Nick Howard. I had read your article about Save Karyn. I am a college student who is starting a similar site to help pay for tuition. I was wondering if you would think about writing an article when the site becomes live in the next week or two. I have no credit cards or debt. Just school costs. I know the story has made national news, and I was trying to get a line of supporters to help out my cause. If you have any questions feel free to contact me.
Sincerely,
Nick Howard
(URL purposely omitted. He's from Dallas, so that probably explains a lot. His phone number is 214-641-XXXX. Feel free to scrawl it on your local dive bar bathroom, or pass it on to the telemarketer that calls you tonight. Get creative!)
Update: Guess ol' Nick doesn't want help that badly. Stop sending your personal info. to strangers, Nicky, you dumb shit.
Hi, my name is Nick Howard. I had read your article about Save Karyn. I am a college student who is starting a similar site to help pay for tuition. I was wondering if you would think about writing an article when the site becomes live in the next week or two. I have no credit cards or debt. Just school costs. I know the story has made national news, and I was trying to get a line of supporters to help out my cause. If you have any questions feel free to contact me.
Sincerely,
Nick Howard
(URL purposely omitted. He's from Dallas, so that probably explains a lot. His phone number is 214-641-XXXX. Feel free to scrawl it on your local dive bar bathroom, or pass it on to the telemarketer that calls you tonight. Get creative!)
Update: Guess ol' Nick doesn't want help that badly. Stop sending your personal info. to strangers, Nicky, you dumb shit.
Dumbass Hans von Schweinitz gets his family kicked off plane for asking if the pilots are sober, then compares America West flight attendants to Hitler's Boot Boys.
"It sent cold chills down my back," he said. "My family opposed Hitler, but if you asked the wrong questions, you took your life in your hands, because the SS and Gestapo had complete power."
...
[T]he flight crew announced that the plane's departure would be delayed because a passenger had asked if the pilot had taken a blood alcohol test.
The delay lasted 2 1/2 hours while the crew waited for a blood alcohol test to be brought to the airport.
...
A security guard escorted the von Schweinitz family off the plane. The airline put the family on the next flight to Seattle.
"People cheered, and that was embarrassing and humiliating," Christopher von Schweinitz said.
When did males under twenty two become so unredeemably stupid? I've never seen idiocy at the scale I do in some of the guys down here. Their obnoxious & destructive tendencies know no limit AND serve no purpose. What are these people doing at Instituitons of higher learning?
Color me dumbfounded...
Exporter Siddharth Jain and his father S.C. Jain visited the outlet at 10.30 p.m. on Friday night and ordered vegetable spaghetti. "But the moment I began eating, I realised to my horror that the dish had pieces of chicken in it", said Jain.
"I immediately raised a stink and demanded the staff apologise. But they refused and ridiculed me instead".
An unemployed Italian man from Turin has been charged with fraud, harassment and damage to property after allegedly orchestrating at least 500 car crashes in a doomed effort to meet young women.
They opened the trunk and discovered a toolbox shut with a padlock and sealed with duct tape. The trunk also contained foil-wrapped cubes of mysterious gray powder, small disks and cylindrical metal objects, and mercury switches. The police were especially alarmed by the toolbox, which David said was radioactive and which they feared was an atomic bomb.
This email got intercepted and sent to every single employee at the American Heart Association. It's like the poor man's Brigette Jones... (for Chicago peeps: who works on LaSalle and has never been to Randolph?)
PALO ALTO, Calif. (Reuters) - The Internet consulting company Scient Inc Wednesday said it had partnered with AOL Time Warner Inc to help AOL sell more services to business customers.
Under the deal the two companies will co-market and sell Scient's business solutions and work to develop new business and financial services based on AOL's secure mail and instant messaging technologies.
AOL has been stepping up efforts to sell software to corporate customers in the wake of slowing subscriber growth and a soft online advertising market.
In a statement, Scient said the companies were finding that many of the same technologies originally developed for consumer markets, had applications in business.
"AOL built these leading capabilities to serve its consumer members, but that expertise is tremendously valuable to today's business clients as well," Jay Norman, Global Managing Partner of Scient's Financial Services practice, said in a statement.
He said that AOL's instant messaging and e-mail technologies would add a new dimension to Scient's current product offerings, such as a Wealth Management service for financial advisors.
Larri Brown of Williamstown, Ky., got into her home tanning bed last week and set the timer.
Then she fell asleep.
The timer was supposed to shut off the ultraviolet lights after 20 minutes, but the timer stuck.
--------
This got me to thinking that if she'd slept a little longer, she might have been good enough to eat.
And THAT got me thinking that maybe our notion of what's edible is a bit too narrow.
This service allows teen (and "tween" -- doncha love that word?) girls to rate and email regular boys. Not celebrities. Just boys. They have trading cards and everything. Friggin' geniuses.
If you don't believe that ninjas have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.
Ninjas are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Ninjas are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start yoga next year. I love ninjas with all of my body (including my pee pee).
It doesn't say whether they cooked it up, but that doesn't seem an unreasonable suggestion...
-----------------
Relevant passage:
"On three separate occasions during the past deer rut, which normally coincides with the Maryland and Virginia hunting seasons that I participate in, I spotted bucks with their noses to the ground, ignoring everything and everybody as they followed the scent of a female."
------------------
QTip sez it sounds like any given weekend in Wrigleyville to me...
Here's a vignette we're dying to see on the ABC broadcast of Sunday's Ford's Theatre Presidential Gala: When Stevie Wonder sat down at the keyboard center stage, President Bush in the front row got very excited. He smiled and started waving at Wonder, who understandably did not respond. After a moment Bush realized his mistake and slowly dropped the errant hand back to his lap.
Here's a lovely little photo of some Palestinian youths dressed in traditional garb, fake explosives and all. Navigate around the site for more photos of weapon brandishing children.
One of the top drunken-driving enforcement officers with the Lake County Sheriff's Office had nearly three times the legal level of alcohol in his blood when he died in a one-car accident last year, officials said Thursday.
Sheriff's Deputy Philip John Santucci, who was a member of the sheriff's accident-investigations unit, was driving about 30 m.p.h. over the speed limit and was not wearing a seat belt when he died Dec. 19.
< -snip- >
"I'm not good with poetic words, but I will say that we all learned a lot from Phil Santucci in life," Eckenstahler said. "Unfortunately, we learned even more in his death."
Peoria officials say that Flores and her husband, Tony, last year violated a code requiring Christmas decorations to be removed 19 days after the holiday. They were still on the home in April.
Kee-rist, this should be a federal law!
There's a house over by where we used to live that has enough crap on their house, in their lawn, and hanging from specially constructed scaffolding to put the owners away for multiple life sentences. It defies explanation. Every year I swear I'm going to get a picture of it but I never get around to it. And yes, the "decorations" (I'll use the term loosely.) are still up; we drove past it last night, and it appears as though they are slowly creeping over to the neighbor's house as well.
"It struck me that this was a man," explained Dr. Altiplano, "the kind of man the world needs more of. His incredible wit and sagacity made me see that there should be more men like Richard Simmons - many more.
"And I intend to make many more clones of Richard - an army of them - to help the world."
I can't wait until David Letterman gets wind of this.
Only in America! Only in Tennessee! The funniest part of this--the thief will receive 6 to 10 years in prison, the same sentence a Hockey Dad got for killing a man in a fist fight!
Britney Spears appeared at Cannes to promote her feature film debut "Crossroads" and addressed reports of critics laughing at the teen road drama at a London screening. "Everything the critics like, I hate," countered the 20-year-old pop princess who was scantily clad despite the nippy weather.
Just as a reminder here are the top three Things Critics Hate:
- Slutty virgins
- Possum fritters
- Trailer homes
Britney's followup film entitled "Forbidden Boob Job" begins filming this spring
A review of this years music scene in Austin TX, included a shot of a speaker with the World Trade Center smoke composited over it.
"a somber air seemed to permeate the Austin music scene. My job as art director was to convey not just the facts of the story, but the spirit behind it. An allusion to the towers, using images of the smoke and damage from the attack rendered on a sterile piece of sound equipment, I imagined, might get that point across without trivializing the humanity of the disaster."
No such luck! (dur...) Check out the tasteless cover and the the negative reaction.
Crazy Japanese lady comes to Fargo looking for the money left behind in the film of the same name. (?) Later found dead by deer hunters in Michigan. A note left behind indicated she was going to kill herself but drugs and exposure to the weather are believed to have led to her death.
The next 3 entries are all from Obscure Store. I thought they were all interesting stories about crazy people we share our world with...
Two gigantic dorks have already positioned themselves at the entrance to the Cinerama thater in Seattle to make sure they are the first people to get tickets to the 5th Star Wars movie which will be released in May. It can't be confirmed at this early date that the theater will even be showing the movie.
this was pretty interesting...bin laden really looks like shit now. i guess all the hiding in caves will do that for you. i still won't be satisfied until only his beard is left.
"It's bizarre. His mom was doing an act of kindness taking this lady around to see Christmas lights," said Lt. Chuck Williams, a spokesman for the Florida Highway Patrol. "You think the probabilities for a phenomenon like this are, wow."
"It's bizarre. His mom was doing an act of kindness taking this lady around to see Christmas lights," said Lt. Chuck Williams, a spokesman for the Florida Highway Patrol. "You think the probabilities for a phenomenon like this are, wow."
The New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung reports Mr Moore told her: "If you hadn't been so tall, it would have cleared you. The front of the deer got over you. It was the back that hit you. I think it was a right hoof. It was a nice one, good sized."
The rebellion started on the set of the series' 10th anniversary reunion special last May, according to "Real World: Miami" housemate Joe Patane. He says that when he arrived he found the assembled cast members united and refusing to cooperate with the director until they received more money.
MTV staff settled the matter by giving them a future meeting with MTV executives and three tickets each to the MTV Movie Awards -- a deal that "Real World: Honolulu's" Justin Deabler calls "horrible and embarrassing."
"We can bug her phone. We can use a clever pretext to interview roommates and classmates from her past and colleagues and girlfriends from her present. We can send an agent to check out her relatives. We can go through her mail and filter her email. We can search her apartment and squeeze information from previous boyfriends. Then,
We'll design a 'COINCIDENCE'.
We can arrange for the two of you to first meet at a convention, and then -- a few weeks later -- end up, coincidentally, seated next to each other on a trans-Atlantic flight. Or find yourselves, coincidentally, trapped in an elevator together."
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Criminal charges may be advanced in the coming months for federal employees of NORAD who 
I'm sure Chicagoans already heard about this, but tapping oaf/douchebag/sociopath 
The Ozarks, MO - In May Judge Randy Anglen came home from work, had dinner and swigged a Miller Lite. When he drained the last bit into the sink, he heard a "plop." When he peered into the bottle, the first thing he saw was a long tail coiling around the inside of the bottle. Then he saw the rest of the mouse.
Montana's Libertarian Senate candidate Stan Jones has turned blue from drinking a silver solution that he believed would protect him from disease. Jones said he started taking the stuff in 1999 after becoming concerned that Y2K disruptions might lead to a shortage of antibiotics.
