The Daily Mash (U.K.)
England recently unleashed their foul-mouthed version of The Onion.
Sample Spoof-Letter to the Editors
"Dear Chancellor of the Cocking Exchequer,
As if I did not already have enough on my plate clearing up all your other shit, you now expect me to bend over so you can stick it right up me in public, like some tit-knobbing arse jockey, just because a loaf of bread now costs a clitting fiver. Well try publishing this, fuck-button."
I have no idea what this concerns, but I do admire his inventive swearing. "Fuck-button" ...that's darn good stuff.
Other Mash headlines:
Foot Collectors flock to Canada Shoreline
People who Know How to F*cking Park on Brink of Extinction
Hulu
The site Hulu, just out of Beta, offers the concept you've been waiting for. A free, centralized, high quality dumping ground (& viewing area) for current TV shows (old bits and some movies). They have some kinks to work out, but I'm digging it.
As you may have noted, YouTube has become too unspecialised to even confront it. And on Hulu, sound and image quality are great.
The name is not very clever - Sort of, let's put "TiVo" and "YouTube" in a blender and see what we get!
Fluffernutter? I hardly know her!
There's an awesome media page on the Fluff site dedicated to the glory of a Fluffernutter sandwich. Try playing all the files at once for a surreal experience.
The Birds Redux
Another Hitchcock title is getting a remake. From the writers of "Boogeyman" comes what I'm sure will be a riveting bit of celluloid that will be enjoyed decades.
Oh, and Jpeg, a "Strangers on a Train" retread is already in the works over at Universal.
More Sequins Please
Hard on the heels of the David Hasselhoff news, Nicholas Cage will be playing Liberace in a movie he's making. I guess when he didn't get to play Superman... Liberace was the next logical choice.
Oh yeah, 2007 is going to be a great year for entertainment.
Penn Jillette's (of Penn & Teller) radio show is on Free FM (here in Chicago, that's 105.9, 1-2pm), but I typically catch it via the podcast, which is now the full show but without the commercials.
Yesterday's show title had me crackin' up: It's Very Hard To Remember That Clowns And Mimes Are Human Beings
Damn, that white boy can dance!
Must see dancing: Bachelor # 3 in the orange shirt. Wait for it... Paze, It will restore your faith in young people wearing bright colors.
Free Live Music this Saturday...
Nonagon and Snaklab All-Tsars at Hotti Biscotti in Logan Square. No cover, cheap beer, free earplugs, and a screening of Peter Greenway's The Draughtman's Contract beforehand (8:30pm). Saturday, October 22nd. Music starts at 10:30pm. Read more to see the official flyer...
Continue reading "Free Live Music this Saturday..." »
"Would you believe . . . I'm dead?"
or "Something smells like it died in your shoe-phone."
First Gilligan and now Maxwell Smart.
That leaves us with one classic, comic bungler . . . running the country.
This computer is a dog
Best screensaver ever.
For your bemusement.
Help squash the Broadcast Flag
The EFF needs your help to kill the Broadcast Flag in Congress. Write your representative and tell them what you think of crippled, big brother-infected technology.
When Chimps Attack II
Fred Durst shows you his 'O' face (WARNING: Spyware-laden link. Proceed at your own risk. Thanks, Nora).
WARNING: NSFW. Actually, not safe for anyone with the gift of sight.
More
everywhere
else.
andrew
to:
celebrity,
censorship,
clowns,
crime,
disasters,
disturbing,
don't view at work,
douchebag,
dumb people,
entertainment,
fraud,
gross,
hack,
internet,
kittens,
monkeys,
schadenfreude,
sex, drugs, rock & roll,
terrorism
Comments (1)
Say it ain't so!
IMO: She wants a baby and all his pot smoking has left him shootin blanks.
Not that I really give a shit.
link
For those keeping track...
Billy Joel's mid-life crisis reached full speed today as he married his 23-year old fiancee. Joel is 92... just kidding he's 55. He first fell in love with bride Kate Lee as the novelty of drinking legally first wore off, and she caught his eye being carried from the neo-natal ward.
"I'm going to marry that baby some day" he said.
With Schedule Wide Open...
I'm sorry to have to tell you but the band Creed has broken up. Apparently the 3 band members not shown here thought Scott Stapp was a sanctimonious asshole and started their own band. I haven't been so upset since Hootie and the Blowfish hung it up. Where will I turn for their brand of overdramatic 4-minute sermon delivered with that distinct oh-so-serious quaver?
Mr Show... finally
Keenan and I listened to David Cross routines on the drive down to Texas last year. To celebrate the end of the semester Wednesday I rented a Mr. Show DVD. I'm a belated viewer of the show so I got to see the poignant white-trash ballad "Y'all are brutalizing me" for the first time last night.
I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
(sung to two cops...)
"I thought that my home was my castle
with no one scrutinizing me
no pigs, no lyin' bitch, no hassle
y'all are brutalizing me.
Can't a man not drink his beer in silence?
Can't a man not crudely lie and scream?
Can't a man control his bitch with violence?
Y'all are brutalizing me.
Y'all are brutaling me."
Malpractice
Remember this diagnosis:
"I called the doctor on the telephone
Said Doctor, Doctor, please
I got this feeling
rocking and a'reeling
tell me, what can it be, is it some new disease?
They call it Boogie fever
You got to boogie down
Boogie fever, I think it's going around"
Well, apparently, it was really lung cancer.
My fave is actually last on the list as a "Word To Watch":
Aramaic (The Passion of The Christ): Now beginning to be translated as ‘bling-bling’.
I'll offer practical usage: "Check out that sweet Lexus, it's Aramaic!"
But I would also suggest it could be used as a general superlative: "Aw, hells, that oral sex was Aramaic!"
...the DJ cuts the iPod from side to side...
Gil and Jeff "No-Talent Ass Clown"* Pazen will be DJing at the Apple Store on Michigan Ave. Tues. March 9th at 6pm. So come on down and drool over 23 inch cinema displays and G5 towers while listening to Gil and Paz, "Chicago favorites and Mac aficionados," er do their thang.
* Yet another in a series of attempts to regain Pazen's spot on Google's image search.
I thought that the Rockettes weren't coming to Chicago anymore, but what do I know? What's the big deal with them anyway?
In other news, if you haven't seen the Joffrey Ballet's "The Nutcracker" at the Auditorium Theatre, you really should.
via tmn
Everyone else is doing it, why can't I?
Cripees! It ain't even Halloween yet, and holiday shit has been out for weeks. So let's hop to it, lil' consumers! Feed the beast that is the good ol' U.S. of A. economy!
My Christmas List.
What do you want?
Abracadabra... dissappearing magicians
Today while wondering how long that tigers breath will smell like Roy, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what happened with David Blaine's P.R. stunt. What could he be thinking in that glass box, while respectable magicians are being snacked upon? I bet he's pissed off! Did he end his "trick" prematurely? Is he laying low in some Euro-pub?
I mock his shabby magician values.
Also, this entry is the 1st to use the new "mischief" category, which pretty much covers anything you don't agree with.
Unfortunately, this is dead-serious real, and not an Onion article.
Obsessed self promoter Blaine brings out the worst in the British.
With airfares at historic lows, more than one House8 member is sure to be thinking,"Hmmm, THAT'S not alot of money for a shot at David Blaine."
Smashing.
via boing boing
Type in anything and this site will use powerful magic to tell you your gender, if you weren't already clear about it. I typed in "I have a vagina," and it still knew I'm a guy.
It's the same guy who jumped off the Statue in Rio...
via Drudge
NBC is hurrying development of a movie about the rescue of POW Jessica Lynch.
I know it's just a show
I've been kind of busy pondering grad school options. While I wasn't looking, Emily seems to have been voted off MTV's Real Word / Road Rules Battle of the Sexes. Can it be true?
I feel completely irrational levels of hatred for this cold, despicable b*tch. I hate her the way Andrew hates the French.
I just got big-mama'd by a main-lawning metrotard.
In honor of the 2nd somewhat House 8-ish trek to Vegas (now with 100% more Chris!),
Squara writes:
Bellagio review from Cheapo Casino Boy:
Rooms are fantastically lush and spacious at about
550 s.f., and the suites are even bigger and nicer. Of
course, you've got to be a freakin' Rockefeller to get
a suite. Tasteful furnishings, marble floors in the
john, and all kinds of stuff the rich are used to but
we still gawk at. The bathrooms have showers separate
from the tubs, so you can sit in the tub and watch
someone shower like rich people always do.
Vegas baby, Vegas.
but this poo fighter game is pretty damn cool... hey, joe, you speak japanese? hook me up and translate instructions, k?
The Smoking Gun presents Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band's tour rider, including "...sax player Clarence Clemons's need for a whole roasted chicken to be delivered, mid-concert, to his dressing room..."
Get comfy for this one: it's eight pages long.
via fark
via svn
What I'd really like to know is who was responsible for determining how many "little people" they would need to compete against one elephant?
So who's comin' over on Wednesday to watch?
And no, I'm not making this up.
Here's a fun little activity!
We are all so, so proud.
In your Photoshop dreams, Pazen
Favorite ballot initiatives this election?
Just two I heard about this morning:
1) North Dakota voted down a proposal to give young North Dakotans financial incentive to stay in North Dakota.
"It was a well-intentioned initiative to try to keep young people in North Dakota," former Gov. Ed Schafer said. "However, as time went on, people realized it wouldn't get the job done."
How about hookers and drugs? I guess you gotta go to Nevada for that. Well, the hookers, anyway.
2) Oklahoma banned cockfighting. Congratulations! So if you're lookin' for a good ol' fashioned legal cockfight, ya gotta go to Louisiana or New Mexico.
Yer gonna poke an eye out! Or lose a toe, or something...
via Mr. Barrett
...and nobody cared.
In the mid-90s, this might have been big sporting news. Like when Jordan, Magic, Barkley and their ilk were playing on the national team.
And Reggie Miller is a whiny beeyotch.
Looks like Team USA got knocked out of the medal round by Yugoslavia today, 81-78. Did you care?
Didn't think so.
via kottke
Okay, everyone knows I'm the biggest defender of Brit. But I'm sorry. This is freakin' funny.
via zena
I wonder how many are Orthodox (Yoda) as opposed to reform (Qui Gon Jinn)?
"If only these players knew how much the fans needed to see them having fun," Giannoulas says later. "If only they had a clue."
Indeed.
A great read about the historically very private man inside (formerly San Diego) Chicken, Ted Giannoulas.
via Pazen
The sad thing is, Entertainment Weekly and NETSCAPE beat all of us to the punch...
In case you missed it, you can "watch" (create) the Chicago Fireworks Show.
This is pretty cool...
Zena writes for Teenpeople.com, and sometimes it's really funny.
Motero, do you own this yet? If so, why haven't you invited us over for a viewing? Don't be holdin' out on a brutha...
via Obscure Store
Bill Cosby disapproves of "The Osbournes." Don't worry, Bill. with our attention spans these days, I doubt Ozzy will outlast Dr. Heathcliff Huxtible.
Am I the only one that loves them BOTH?
i really cannot say anything about this. just click on the damn thing and prepare to laugh. well... as long as you don't find midgets offensive, scary or sexually arousing. did i say that out loud?
via jane madsen>todd brockmeyer
One more reason to skip it...
Although Joan Rivers spent boatloads of cash in 1998 to transform the ball room of New Yorks Plaza Hotel into a winter forest for her daughter Melissas wedding, Mr. Melissa filed for divorce this week.
I know we all hoped it would work out, but apparently you can't buy compatibility.
Melissa is known mostly for being the talentless princess daughter of the horrible bitchy comedian.
Curiously, a forum that rips off the Austin Powers logotype has characters from the film as members...
welcome aboard, Miss Fagina!
via Pazen
It ain't the Shroud of Turin, but it is pretty cool...
I remember one day when Mary-Kate was doing a really important scene when she's feeling really overwhelmed, and she's crying and drinking a beer in the shower because she's so stressed out. There's no dialog. It was so powerful. I cried. I just wanted to get in the shower with her and hug her, like we do at home sometimes."
Yowza!
via CriticalMAS
Don't you love website spin-offs? Could have been executed better, but the concept is genius...
via ryan
If you could only kill one person on your favorite (or most hated) television show, who would it be? You can't kill Steve Sanders though, I already did it.
via my friend jason
McMahon, 79, is suing his home insurance company for $20
million, claiming it botched a simple repair on a broken pipe
and, as a result, allowed a toxic mold to spread through his
house, making his family sick and killing his dog.
Has he checked his underwear drawer?
Sian Thurkettle, 25, who first saw the film at the cinema in 1982, has also collected more than 80 E.T. figures and 300 items carrying the extra-terrestrial's image, the Sun newspaper reported on Tuesday.
This service allows teen (and "tween" -- doncha love that word?) girls to rate and email regular boys. Not celebrities. Just boys. They have trading cards and everything. Friggin' geniuses.
please watch and listen as this beautiful little man sings a beautiful little song. i truly think this song will bring all people together in perfect, peaceful harmony. please sing along if you know the words.
via janiac
As our civil liberties become fewer and fewer, Adam Ant has become a political prisoner in the New World Orders war on dandy pop stars. Show your support for this jailed goody two shoes, currently being held in a UK mental hospital against his will on the trumped up charge of waving a gun around in some wankers face. No justice, no peace, no foppish dance pop.
Don't forget to pick up your "Free Winona" shirt, too!
Britney Spears appeared at Cannes to promote her feature film debut "Crossroads" and addressed reports of critics laughing at the teen road drama at a London screening. "Everything the critics like, I hate," countered the 20-year-old pop princess who was scantily clad despite the nippy weather.
Just as a reminder here are the top three Things Critics Hate:
- Slutty virgins
- Possum fritters
- Trailer homes
Britney's followup film entitled "Forbidden Boob Job" begins filming this spring
I don't make them up, I just report them.
The rebellion started on the set of the series' 10th anniversary reunion special last May, according to "Real World: Miami" housemate Joe Patane. He says that when he arrived he found the assembled cast members united and refusing to cooperate with the director until they received more money.
MTV staff settled the matter by giving them a future meeting with MTV executives and three tickets each to the MTV Movie Awards -- a deal that "Real World: Honolulu's" Justin Deabler calls "horrible and embarrassing."
Headin' to New York anytime soon? Be sure to take advantage of this night on the town.
via zena
After a mere 68 days, Tourist Guy has been located. Bin Laden can't be far behind...
"Sesame Street has always stood for mutual respect and understanding," a spokeswoman said. "WeÕre outraged that our characters would be used in this unfortunate and distasteful manner. This is not at all humorous.The people responsible for this should be ashamed of themselves. We are exploring all legal options to stop this abuse and any similar abuses in the future."
When asked about Bert's current whereabouts, however, the spokeswoman replied: "No comment."
Regardless of the explanation, Ignacio said he doesn't find his "Evil Bert" idea very funny right now.
"It's weirding me out," he said. "It's like reality imitating the Web, but it's taking something that I did so much further. I don't want to get into this one because it's too real."
It's your 9mm and a Slurpee against Bin Laden and a hostage.
Start with a plastic skull. Wash it well, and make sure that it's clean enough to eat off of. Because that's what you're going to do!
via Kate
"And now, occupying the best parking space in syndicated radio, the wheelchair dude with attitude, the hip crip who gives ya tips: 'On A Roll' radio's host and founder, Greg Smith!"
Check out his bio
Francis Ford Coppola has recut this classic piece of cinema and added almost an hour of new footage. Given that it almost killed him (and some of the cast) the first time around, I'm not sure why he's chosen to mess with it, but you can bet I'm going to rush out and see it.
via Tony L
Mr. Smith goes to the bathroom... only in this case it's Mrs. Smith...
"What I did behind that tablecloth is my business."
I was a fairly big fan of Tim Burton's early pieces such as Edward Scissors Hands, but Nightmare Before Christmas and that Peach flick didn't do much for me. However, I am very impressed with Burton's new creation, Stainboy. Some pretty fresh stuff! I particularly enjoyed the episode called "Bowling Ball Head."
via Yahoo Email
"It is the first time it has happened that everyone in our two teams was called Patel. The last time we played Amarmilan there were 20 Patels.
"This time there were 22, but that was by accident not design. One regular member of our team, Yash Dave, who is a good batsman and wicketkeeper couldn't play so we played all Patels.
A former member of the Latin pop group Menudo claims a massage-chair mishap at a Sharper Image store had him seeing double.
"Contrary to its name, defendant Sharper Image has caused blurred and double vision" for Ruben Gomez, his $12 million lawsuit charges.
MTV is scrambling to distance themselves from a double homicide that occured close to the Chicago location of the Real World show. They're also threatening to cut off the Sun Times if they reveal the location of the house.
Too late! Here's a photo of the alleged Real World building at North and Winchester. Pretty non-descript choice.
This is probably not of general interest, but what the hell is up with this outfit that Gwen Stefani is wearing? Gwen, I'm all for "theme-dressing" but your little Fred Astaire / Ginger Rogers thing is way lame. Everyone knows that your collaboration with Eve is just a cross-genre marketing ploy anyway, even if the song is damn catchy.
Incredibly scary picture of the cast of the new Scooby Doo movie.
Really cool experimental flash site. If you've seen this movie, it'll help you enjoy it more. It almost made me as nauseas as the movie did.
This one goes out to you, John.
Because we all know how much you will miss Jack and his continued work "playing every ineffective clueless Willy Loman role he could find."
Jack Lemmon's film credits
Jack Lemmon, Super Start of the 60's
Jack Lemmon's Hollywood
Jack Lemmon: America's Everyman
Jack Lemmon: Reel Classics
