House 8 Archive
3216 entries, 5787 comments, 8 years.
Move Along
Comments
Send a banker to jail... NOW!
Martha Stewart - A scam that netted her $30,000.00 resulted in 5 month prison term.
- Allan Schwartz, James Cayne / CEOs Bear Stearns
- Stanley O' Neal / Merrill lynch
- Joseph Cassano - AIG Took 90.3 billion from Fed
- Charles Prince/ Citigroup
- Richard Fuld/Lehman
- Alan Stanford, Ponzi schemer
- Bernard Madoff, Ponzi schemer
Hundreds of billions in losses, Untold billions in bailouts to follow. Billions in compensation for destroying their companies and the economy.
All still free, and free of indictments.
Comments
Bye bye Viewmaster
Your childhood is receding into the past.* Viewmaster has ceased production.
* Unless you never had a viewmaster... then you're safe.
Comments
Coming soon for Wii! Virtual Viewmaster! You'll swear you're looking through an actual Viewmaster!
fry 05 Mar 2009
Y'know there's 3-D ...and there's 2-D ...and then theres Viewmaster 3-D which is some other thing entirely. As much as the images have depth, they always looked like an image composed of layered two dimensional cut-outs. What's up with that? That's not my eyeballs experience of the Grand Canyon.
jpeg 05 Mar 2009
Things can always get more interesting...
As spineless Harry Reid dawdles with seating Al Franken* something interesting happened today. Sen Jim Bunning (R), peeved with his own party, is making threats to resign as a big F.U! to the GOP. Kentucky's governor is a Dem and he would assuredly seat the 60th Dem, making a filibuster proof majority in the Senate. Please, please resign Sen Bunning!
Imagine the coping skills the right would have to come up with for that!
They're not doing so well with the new Dem reality as it is.
(* Imagine how fast a d-bag like Tom Delay would force the 59th Republick senator to be seated)
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"____" Language
Matt Sibert is an artist with a series of sign photos that become quite odd after just a tiny bit of p-shopping.
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Things Mel GIbson regrets, Part 2
When not disparaging Jews, Mel Gibson likes to do other regrettable things.
Nothing boosts your stock price like gray chin sprouts.
El Diablo..no?
Comments
He better be ramping up for a Doc Holiday-type movie role.
Carl 25 Feb 2009
...or opening a chicken restaurant!
jpeg 27 Feb 2009
Practice this expression
Whether you're a crusading moralist sneaking away to diddle hookers, or you're an up-and-coming cabinet member who forgot to pay $100,000.00 in taxes, a simple mea culpa will no longer suffice. To show real contrition these days, you've got to flash this face at the cameras; the look that says "I'm deliberately pantomiming something like regret."
Don't be the last person on your block to look crontrite. Go ahead, do something questionable... Your'e covered with the Spitzchle (tm) face.
(Gigantic ears sold separately.)
Comments
Eco-capitalism
27 year old Tim DeChristopher took offense at Bush's last minute act of douchebaggery in auctioning acres of Utah wilderness to oil drillers. He went to the auction himself and bid 1.7 mill (he didn't have) forcing bidders to pay way too much for their deeds. And even better, he won 22,000 acres of land!!! The land is now saved from drilling because the Bushies can't re-auction it in time.
The land is now tied up, and will rpobably not be reauctioned under Obama.
Brilliant!
Comments
It's all over but the pardons...
Our long national nightmare is coming to an end... Took only 8 years to move the country to the brink. Cast your vote now for who you think Bush will pardon:
- Dick Cheney
- Condi
- Rummy
- Wolfy
- Rove
- Scooter
- Tom Delay
- Ashcroft
- Gonzalez
- Jack Abramoff
It's probably too late for a "treason" category at House 8.
Comments
Nope, but the douchebag one still works just fine. Actually, in celebration of the end of our long national nightmare, considering sweeping up and turning out the lights here.
andrew 17 Jan 2009
Huff post has a "ten pardons to watch for" article today. If he does any I'm betting he'll do them tomorrow while everyone is distracted by the inauguration, being such an amoral coward.
jbag 19 Jan 2009
I've been waiting for these shoes to drop but no word yet.
Are "secret" pardons something to be concerned about?
My understanding is that Cheney and his then VP status is somehow insulated as a result of some masterplanning.
Carl 21 Jan 2009
Oh, someone just pointed out to me that there was a late addition to some Terrorist/Tribunal Act (passed in 2006) that essentially retroactively pardons EVERYONE in the Bush Administration (as well as the CIA, etc.) from all war crimes and other various misdeeds.
Carl 21 Jan 2009
Japanese Togs for the Suicidal
Good luck at the airport!
Comments
Forget the economic collapse
No matter how you read it, this chart chillingly proves that a robot takeover is imminent... or that America is woefeully short of robots. Either way it's horrible news.
Run for the hills, but unplug your robot first.
Comments
The prospect of a Belgians getting serviced by sex-bots before us Americans really galls me.
Carl 12 Jan 2009
Do you prefer...
"Cross-dressing wife-killer found hanged"
or...
"Man dies after having penis set on fire"
Comments
Only president in history to have shoes thrown at his head by a journalist!
An Iraqi journalist interrupted (and highjacked) the coverage of Bush's PR/bullshit event, by throwing both his shoes (one after the other!) at our idiot-leader shouting (in arabic), ""This is a gift from the Iraqis. This is the farewell kiss, you dog, This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq."
He missed, but the point is made; our president is a disgrace. One less piece of heraldic footage for the Bush archives. When the assailant bends down and comes up the second time, who knows what he may have in his hand, but Bush just stands there like a fucking idiot as if someone was reading 'My Pet Goat.' And look at those lightning-fast reactions of the secret service.
Bonus: In the confusion, soulless spokesbitch Dana Perino got hit with a microphone and has a black eye.
Ingenious... everyone can get shoes through security. People could have been hitting the fucker for years. Well done! Give this guy the Nobel prize. The shoes should be bronzed and put in a museum.
As expected, because a hopeless dickhead lost a little face, journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi > has been beaten in custody, suffering a broken hand, broken ribs and internal bleeding, as well as an eye injury... which will do so much to repair Bush's miniscule self-respect.
Comments
For what it's worth, the abuse of this journalist while in custody will go a long way towards making him a bigger hero than he already is.
Carl 16 Dec 2008
It was reported today that many Arab countries are trying to get ahold of the shoes.
jpeg 16 Dec 2008
Oh really...?
A new test for dementia involves speaking sarcastically to patients. And isn't that just terrific?
Sort yourselves into two groups of "people who got that joke" and "people who didn't."
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Zap!
Check out this nice set of thirty two-color illustrations somebody flickered that depict dozens of ways the working class might unwittingly electrocute themselves, from Germany, back in the day. Looks like touching just about anything could kill you. It'll make you glad we tamed the electric beast. And do not pee on the electric rail line from a bridge!
Notable for:
- Pissed off, old world expressions on faces
- Babies, rats, washer women, farmhands, everyboodies getting electrified!
- Routine inclusions that are odd (babushkas, labor, a giant transformer mounted to the wall of your living room...)
Comments
Holy cerebellum
The Virgin Mary took time out of her busy schedule to appear in the center of someones' brain MRI back in 2002.
In other religious news: a couple in Oregon has let their baby die without medicine for religious reasons. So to clarify, abortion is the killing of a human being, but infanticide by neglect is a beautiful godly thing,
Comments
I hope, if only for the deceased child's sake, that there is a magical creator god in the sky and that he/she/it saw fit to take the child rather than subject it to a lifetime of neglect at the hands of these two idiots.
The "parents" can choose believe in whatever fairy tale they want but, once they endanger the life of a child unable to defend itself, it's a different matter entirely. If this couple really has faith they will be vindicated, if not in this life then the next.
Personally, I'd like to see them stoned to death . . . Old Testament Style!
Carl 11 Dec 2008
Two disgraced governors in a row 4 Illinois
One in jail, one just posting bail. Illinois' Blagojevich known for his snap-on hairdo, crushed forehead, gaunt inbred chipmunk looks and a serious case of liplessness*... endeavored to enrich himself by selling Obama's senate seat using language peppered with F bombs.
Does he kiss his corrupt grandmother with that mouth?
At least Democrats go after their own.
*I'm trying to say the man is homely...
Comments
Let's just say this is getting plenty of air time here in Chicago.
I'll bet Obama is watching this pretty close.
Carl 09 Dec 2008
Bad little kids get the business end of KRAMPUS!
Coal in your stocking, my ass! You gotta love the Germans.
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"Then I said, The Big 3 can go f*ck themselves!"
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RIP - Archway Cookies
Another great American company who produced a superior product goes Chapter 11.
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...and God bless
Reverend BIlly and the Church of Stop Shopping.
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Capitalism isn't the problem and I'm certainly in no moral position of authority in regards to telling people how to spend their money . . . it's EASY CREDIT that's at the heart of the issue. There's also this overwhelming sense of materialistic entitlement that just won't go away . . . who really needs a new cell phone every six months or 5 LCD TVs in their SUV? Seriously.
Carl 13 Nov 2008
But... how will I define myself without material processions? How will people know I'm worthy of their love and attention without flashing the latest gear?
liz 14 Nov 2008
Worse ways to end the week
Stuck at work on a deadline at 4:30 am Sunday morning. Listening to Nina Simone sing "Young, Gifted and Black"... smiling about the weeks events.
Comments
Lord loves a workin' man.
Carl 09 Nov 2008
"The end of an error"
So you're saying you didn't like him?
Jack Cafferty asks what readers will miss about Bush and receives twenty pages of W hate .
Comments
Killer Wave
Decades of rule by warped conservative reactionaries who sought to reshape the nation as a rapture-seeking, civil-rights denying, corporate whore are OVER with last nights Dem mandate; who may now have 30 years to remold the country as a moderate nation;
- install several Supreme Court judges
- begin fixing the economy and the environment
- begin removing & watering down Bush's crony judges
- Rove's plan for a "permanent conservative majority" has been derailed
- It will be a very, very long time before evangelicals will be allowed to select either GOP nominee
In just 40 years, black people have gone from political disenfranchisement to the White House. Awesome. Dems receive a country vrtually ruined by a C-student, trust-fund frat-boy and his vice president Monty Burns.
What an exciting, amazing night!
Bush's legacy is now firmly set as "the worst president" in US history, and the final obstruction that had to be passed to kill neoconservatism, and return conscience and moderation to the country. Goodbye treasonous GOP! McCain, his despicable VP and wife are free to disappear.
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Turkey waddle
My favorite picture of an old-guard politician. Is that a sack of flesh? ...a potato?
Mitch McConell (GOP-KY) reacts to the news that GOP Senator Ted Stevens has been found guilty of all seven criminal charges against him. Both of thm are running for re-election.
Comments
I'll have one of your finest GOP douchebags, par boiled and stuffed with your second finest GOP douchebags.
Served with a side of broken glass, of course.
Grand-Guignol Gourmet 28 Oct 2008
Well then...
TERRIFIC NEWS!
My favorite line: "Now that we know hydrogen sulfide's role in regulating blood pressure, it may be possible to design drug therapies that enhance its formation..."
Hooray - A healthier smelling world awaits us.
Comments
Does this mean beans really are good for your heart?
Assman 26 Oct 2008
Does this mean beans really are good for your heart?
Assman 26 Oct 2008
Making Bush look sophisticated
Morality snob Sarah Palin can't bring herself to say that abortion clinic bombers are terrorists. Also after labelling everyone, she says she rejects labels.
Comments
Just ignore Palin entirely.
She's a Fundy Separatist . . . everything that comes out her mouth is corrupt.
Carl 24 Oct 2008
Cake or Death?
David Sedaris had this to say about undecided voters:
I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?
To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?"
To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.
Comments
This bit was even more hilarious in person.
A big "shout out" to The Falconers for including us in this outing.
Carl 22 Oct 2008
You're welcome, Carl! That was a fun night out. I think it's funny that they edited out the "human shit" part and just made it generic shit. I guess that makes it a less tasteless thing to say?
Graf 27 Oct 2008
Finally some advertising I can relate to
Atheist Bus Campaign! Yaaay. Now, where do I buy some of this atheism?*
(* offer available only in England)
Comments
So, the Pilgrims landed here about 400 years ago trying to escape religious persecution in England . . . now most of the Brits are pretty cool about not believing in god at all.
Shit.
What's the Native American Indian phrase for "No takezies backzies"?
Carl 22 Oct 2008
Bachman Turner Underfunded
In the 96 hours after Minnesota GOP incumbent Michelle Bachman made some McCarthyist rantings about testing liberals to see if the were pro or anti-american, incensed voters donated over a million dollars to her Democratic opponent, suggesting that people are finally through with these Republican assholes and their desperate attempts to jerk people around.
We like the nation just fine; the one described in the constitution, not the one in demented conservative minds.
God, this stupid **** has made me sooooo happy.
Comments
I plan on expressing my righteous indignation by voting.
Carl 21 Oct 2008
Countdown; The last of Bush
With predatory capitalism currently polluting the worlds markets, George Bush will (by any account) end his presidency in disgrace just 100 days from this Sunday.
In the end, it took something more toxic & obnoxious than terrorism to destroy our economy, namely republican leadership. Turns out, there's no better way to insure that the free market is transformed into big government socialism than to hand it to the witless crowd who's spent every waking moment bitching about socialism. FDR's policies, pilloried for 30 years by addled neocon dickheads, will be vindicated next week when the heir of "deregulation" and "trickle down," begins to guide 700 billion dollars of private assets (& then more) into federal ownership and protection, in an effort to save the country.
"The Bush administration is currently hammering out the final details of a plan that would allow the government to inject cash into banks in exchange for ownership...."
Meanwhile, forty percent of the nations asshats (having learned nothing about taking a moron at face value from the Bush years) are ready to vote for the next desperate and pathetic GOP candidate.
Here's wishing Bush a quick encounter with a rattlesnake as he resumes his brush-clearing duties.
Comments
See you at the polls.
Carl 11 Oct 2008
One step closer to The Rapture . . . the ultimate "Mission Accomplished".
Jebus 12 Oct 2008
Privatize the profits, socialize the debt!
W. Bush 13 Oct 2008
Wait... now the GOP says you CAN solve a problem by throwing money at it? That's delicious.
Moose huntress 14 Oct 2008
Quick... Name the Democrat tax increase in the last century that will cost you as much* as the bailout! (Hint: You'll have to invent one.)
* $10,000.00 per household
Hoover 15 Oct 2008
The unfortunate truth is that cutting defense spending (for example) and programs that "don't work" will not put cash in the coffers in the same way that a tax increase(s) will.
Carl 16 Oct 2008
Least popular halloween costumes
While guys have many options for halloween costumes, it was noted last year (in many, many places) that gals have been relegated to slutty angel, slutty maid, slutty vampire...
I now declare "Slutty Zombie" 2008's costume to beat*. Good luck getting some looking like this.
I'll send anyone who dons slutty zombie garb this year, each one shiny dollar.
(*displacing 2007's baby vampire.)
Comments
I'm going as a slice of peanut butter this year.
Carl 06 Oct 2008
I'm thinking still. I should have the perfect idea by about Nov 2nd.
jpeg 06 Oct 2008
I don't think anything would be better than a group photo of slutty zombies...
jpeg 06 Oct 2008
Peanut drudgery
Are you tired of spending up to 30 seconds making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Of course you are, you're a busy maverick! Now with yankee know-how you can shave as much as three seconds off that chore. New PB-slices come individually wrapped like American cheese, for your convenience. God knows what chemical goodness is required to make peanut butter behave like a slice of cheese, but I don't care. I can spend all that extra time developing my own invention: the loaf of pre-toasted bread.
Thanks PB Slice Company, for believing that the 27 second PB&J was possible!
Comments
Now if they could just make shrimp cocktail into some type of pill or pellet form.
Carl 06 Oct 2008
Humor me...
Anyone notice that shrill, loathsome, needlessly arrogant GOP VP pick Sarah Palin could be church lady's daughter? ...that, or the church lady is a good prediction of what this dense lady neandrathal will become.
Comments
Ignore this buffoon completely.
Carl 30 Sep 2008
Well isn't that special?
motero 03 Oct 2008
a sign that you have arrived....john stewart is lifting your material.
congrats
rick 08 Oct 2008
I know. I saw that yesterday! no royalties just yet.
jpeg 09 Oct 2008
How many hard boiled eggs can he eat NOW?
Who'd have thought that George Kennedy would have outlived Paul Newman?
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What we have here is a failure to resuscitate!
ghost of Strother Martin 27 Sep 2008
Man, this bums me out. Newman so ruled.
And before IndyCar went and pissed all over open-wheeled racing in this country, the Newman Haas CART teams were the shit.
andrew 27 Sep 2008
What this country needs is...
more CEOS murdered by their own workers.
Comments
Again, this is a good start.
Carl 24 Sep 2008
Chicago's Awesomeness: DMV Edition
The short version, now there's a kiosk.
I got my license plate sticker renewed in under 2 minutes . . . I thought I was in Canada.
Comments
Chicago is awesome. I bet they eventually lead the nation, with the first prostitute service-dispensing kiosk.
jpeg 26 Sep 2008
If it offered a "reach-around" option, you know you'd be the first in line . . . probably with exact change even.
Carl 26 Sep 2008
That seems nasty and unnecessary. Speaking as someone who had to take a whole day off work to wait forever in two Texas offices to get my license, the DMV in Chicago is awesome (no sarcasm). Jesse White really cleaned them up.
jpeg 29 Sep 2008
Needless to say, I take no joy in plight . . . but consider where you are (here) and lighten up.
Serious venting still required? Starting a blog seems to be all the rage with the young folks.
Carl 30 Sep 2008
Houston's suckiness
Although the media moved on after just 4 days of obsessing about the windows in the Morgan Chase Tower, they never got around to covering Houston which is very damaged, and continues to be screwed up.
Seven days and counting and this place is still more than 50 percent out of power. More than half the street lights are still not working. The soonest my lights will be on is Tuesday. The longest estimate is 4 weeks. This is how the "Energy capitol of the nation" responds to an outage? Seriously, what is the longest that ComEd has left you without power?
It will be a happy day when I leave this crappy backwater town.
Comments
Sounds like your (conditional) love affair with all things Houston has screeched to a halt . . . and all it took was a little ol' hurricane.
Good to know.
Carl 20 Sep 2008
Ahem. Let me adjust your deliriously incorrect statement; I have never had a love affair with Houston, despite what Houston claims. Now back to my question: What IS the longest ComEd has left you high and dry?
jpeg 20 Sep 2008
ComEd service has never been out for more than an hour in the 8+ years I've lived here.
I must have gotten some bad (third-hand) info regarding your attitude towards Houston . . . my gaffe.
Carl 20 Sep 2008
pussy.
you get your first hurricane and your crying like a baby. Suck it up. I was annoyed when I had to dig my car out of my first blizzard. It just is what it is. Welcome to the Gulf Coast.
kidding... really, do you need anything.... pussy.
kristin 20 Sep 2008
I've cut Houston some slack of late, to make my remaining time here bearable, but I've never loved it. It just doesn't hold its own in terms of the 3 larger U.S. cities. It has precious little culture, no identity and few diversions. The non-Rice people here are quite nice and down to earth.
The longest I recall being out of power with ComEd is 3 days, maybe 4 if our house was ass-deep in water, and that's for a tornado (or massive storm), which can't even be anticipated like a hurricane that takes a week to arrive. If these dicks did anything to prepare for the aftermath, it is imperceptible.
Also my dad was a lineman for ComEd. We KNEW how long it took the city to get back online because he would be gone for all those days, until the job was done. These douchebags took this weekend off!
jpeg 21 Sep 2008
Kristin, you're becoming quite the little Houston booster. I might have to start calling you Mr. Holloway.
jpeg 21 Sep 2008
thems is fightin' words, jpeg.
kristin 21 Sep 2008
Ike is a punk-ass
I am in Austin. I fled the storm about twenty hours ahead of time. Kristin and I have been pretty shocked by the damage from a category two Huricane. After three days of indoor-iness, we've got cabin fever bad. Mocking Anderson Cooper in his clingy black tee and hip waders has lost its appeal. The bldg that lost all its windows being shown on the news is my office (and my side of the building). We've been told not to expect to go back to work before Wednesday. A friend did a drive-by and was able to tell me that my apartment is intact, but no electricity, lots of trees down and the neighborhood is flooded. Not sure when to head back. Could be weeks without electricity.
Kristin's parents had water in their house, their garage door blew in, and their backyard pear tree was lost.
On the bright side, Uncle Jpeg is a hit with Osby.
Comments
I am glad that you left ahead of time. Chris and I have been thinking about you. Finally in Milwaukee but no access to phone, regular internet, or tv for another week. Will contact you as soon as we get back online.
adream 15 Sep 2008
You're as primitive as can be, ...as primitive as can be! (and as primitive as me)
jpeg 16 Sep 2008
For your evaluation...
I'm going to go out on a limb here and conclude that this is the world's ugliest lamp, for all time; the category is now retired.
Take three incompatible ideas and force them into awkward, half-assed relationships. Disregard all sensory evidence that you're making the visual equivalent of nails on a blackboard. Soon you'll have something that looks unfavorably like the insides of a scrotum dangling from your ceiling, as in this creation by designer Sarah Cihat.
A paperclip jabbed into two testicles? ...fugly.
Comments
Why, that's no paperclip, that's the vas deference! And yes Jpeg that lamp is hideous.
liz 09 Sep 2008
Look at you slinging anatomical terms around. I think you've been spending too much time with your Cock Coloring Book.
Jpeg 09 Sep 2008
If Captain Kirk retrofit the 1960's Enterprise with a pair of "Truck Nutz" this is what they'd look like.
Carl 10 Sep 2008
"Viva Vas Deferens!"
Charles DeBaulle 10 Sep 2008
10-4, Dead Buddy!
Singer, actor and Smokey irritant Jerry Reed has passed away.
His film legacy and guest shot on Scooby Doo will live on.
Comments
Better you than me!
Mel Tillis 02 Sep 2008
You got no Guts!
Perhaps you recall plush microbe toys from 2003? Now there's stuffed guts. This is your liver! and if you don't mnd me saying so, when it turns yellow, you should be turning down more nightcaps.
Comments
Punch some holes in that "toy liver" and play it like a harmonica . . . then you got something I can relate to.
Carl 03 Sep 2008
Dude, we're getting the (fake) band back together!
The terrorists have not won. God bless America . . . and Fleegle.
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La la LA la luh la la - La la LA la luh la la!
baked on say morning 22 Aug 2008
I suppose a guy gets thirsty, eh?
Looks like Lance Armstrong is the biggest user of water in Austin, Texas - according to the city, he wound up using 330,000 gallons of water on his property in the month of July.
I guess riding that bike all day long makes someone want to drink a lot of H20 or even take a dip in a private pool, but this sounds more like H2Oh my God
Comments
it Lance's defense, another Austinite, Mr Troy, left the water hose on TWICE last month and we had to get a second mortgage to pay for the water bill. not pretty
kristin 18 Aug 2008
Many thanks!
sexleksaker 01 Sep 2008
...still believe there's a God? (an atheist provocation)
After the freak death of Christian gospel singer Stephen Chapman's daughter back in May, comes more evidence suggesting that God does not actually give a s*** about his flock*. A 79 year old Oklahoma churchgoer, watching from his parked car with his wife as his church attempted to lift it's new steeple into place... was instead brutally killed when the crane (and the steeple) collapsed on him.
God really has it all under control. He's the king of heaven and he has a taste for sick irony. Hasn't this widow's lifetime of religion been rewarded? Isn't this just the thing to strengthen her faith? It's a big F.U! to the church (and the faithful) from the big guy upstairs, who must be exhausted after killing 90,000 people in the Chinese earthquake and leaving 5 million survivors homeless. God's love is so heart-warming.
So let's open our hymnals to page 170, and sing "O Send me to my Rest with Jesus by Crushing my Sorry Ass under a Giant, Mutli-ton Crane!"
(*I kid, he can't care if he doesn't exist)
Comments
Here's the deal on Christianity: Up until about 30+ years ago, the focus was mainly on Old Testament crap . . . you know, were God really shines as a true bastard and enjoys making his creations suffer. Now you've got all this touchy-queerie, Jesus hugging drivel that lulls it's followers into an false sense of security and entitlement. Seems to be working out well, huh?
I've recently taking to worshiping the Norse gods . . . at least those fuckers know how to keep it real.
Carl 25 Jul 2008
God also killed gospel singer Joyce "Dottie" Rambo in a bus accident while she was on tour a few months ago. Hey... thanks God!
Bad Witch of the Norse 26 Jul 2008
Today God killed 14 of his followers on a bus-pilgrimage. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080808/ap_on_re_us/texas_bus_crash;_ylt=ApyFYOaYeV15zaSr5MG7O6is0NUE
disciple 08 Aug 2008
Where's your Messiah now?
Myah, see, myah!
Edward G. Robinson 09 Aug 2008
Ever consider that maybe God wasn't the one that did that? What was it Newton's 3rd Law said? "For every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction."
For anyone that's taken the time to read the Bible, you may recall the mention of a six-letter name that starts with S. Satan, I do believe.
Now, I'm not trying to shove my religion down anyone's throat-- people that do that are just as low as those that like to bash other peoples' beliefs-- but I think it oughta be kept in mind that Satan strives to deter God's followers.
But that's just my opinion, and the First says that we've all got freedom of speech in the US, even if I don't agree with what I think.
Jacob 15 Aug 2008
Is God all-powerful (in control of everything) or isn't he?
Jesus brother 21 Aug 2008
Estelle Getty, we hardly knew ye.
Now where did I put my black brunch coat?
Comments
Oh my, Dick!
An intoxicated Andy Dick was arrested today for yanking a womans tank top down and freeing her breasts, and was found to have marijunana and Xanax on him... which is strange because he seem to really have it together in his mug shot.
Comments
move over nick nolte! i smell 2008's celebrity mugshot halloween costume!
Karen 18 Jul 2008
Pick the State
A 66 year old man was severely injured this week when he used a shotgun to loosen a nut on his tire, in:
a) Texas
b) Tennessee
c) Mississippi
d) Washington
e) Georgia
Comments
Ans: Ten miles south of Seattle Washington.
(http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1569250/Man-hurt-after-blasting-wheel-with-shotgun.html)
Answer man 13 Jul 2008
Starbucks to close 600 stores . . . of their own!
I thought I'd be happier about this but it's an empty victory.
They even switched to weaker house brew, pissing off a bunch of their die-hard fans.
My guess is people are too busy selling their personal belongings on eBay just to make rent.
Comments
So what that's like ten square blocks of Manhattan?
JPEG 13 Jul 2008
puzzlefarter
Put a little guy through his paces, via gas expulsion, with this video game.
(T-minus ten seconds until someone chimes in to say they saw this three months ago, or such).
Comments
The Daily Mash (U.K.)
England recently unleashed their foul-mouthed version of The Onion.
Sample Spoof-Letter to the Editors
"Dear Chancellor of the Cocking Exchequer,
As if I did not already have enough on my plate clearing up all your other shit, you now expect me to bend over so you can stick it right up me in public, like some tit-knobbing arse jockey, just because a loaf of bread now costs a clitting fiver. Well try publishing this, fuck-button."
I have no idea what this concerns, but I do admire his inventive swearing. "Fuck-button" ...that's darn good stuff.
Other Mash headlines:
Foot Collectors flock to Canada Shoreline
People who Know How to F*cking Park on Brink of Extinction
Comments
Now don't get me wrong, I'm a guy who likes him some swears BUT this bit much in relation to whatever biting satire they're trying to convey.
Carl 22 Jun 2008
On the other hand... I've collected some feet.
jpeg 22 Jun 2008
Harry Dead Stanton : Still Alive
Don't let this photo fool you, the dude is still tramping his way through Hollywood . . . fuckin' amazing!
Comments
Good lord, he looks worse the Keith Richards....
nora 28 May 2008
He looks like something chewed on his face, then spit him out.
Jpeg 29 May 2008
Richard Kiel - also still alive. Just saw him signing in autographs in vegas last week.
motero 30 May 2008
motero 30 May 2008
He looks like a beleagured, post-war British housewife.
Monty Python 31 May 2008
It looks like he was beat half to death WITH Kieth Richards.
Is that lump on his forehead full of spider eggs?
Pug Ugly 03 Jun 2008
It's so awesome that this dude's ugly mug has been in the same spot for almost a whole month.
Carl 21 Jun 2008
To Infinity.... etc.
Awfully cool footage of a jet-powered flightsuit!
The future is here (again) and for once it didn't come from California, which can only bring us men marrying men these days, harumph! ...just kidding! As soon as I get my airplane suit I'm jetting out west and coming back with a husband. For maximum gayness, we'll be holding hands as we swoop back over the Rockies.
Comments
What, no dramatic "blast-off"?
LAME!
Carl 15 May 2008
Huh. No wonder they're so pissed off.
Saudi Arabia: Awfully difficult to "tap that."
“I’d say that maybe 3 out of 10 nights of numbering,we have some success,” Fahad explained.“You mean that 3 out of 10 nights you get a girl to talk to you?” I asked.
“No, no,” Fahad laughed. “Maybe 3 out of 10 nights we get one phone number. Getting a girl to actually talk to you on the phone is much rarer. But it happens, so we’re always hoping.”
Notice he didn't say "praying."
Comments
The sinkhole that ate Texas
The 260-foot-deep sinkhole appeared and grew to the length of three football fields over just two days. The 900-foot-long sinkhole, with crumbling dirt around its edges resembling sharp teeth, has swallowed up oil tanks and barrels, tires, telephone poles and several vehicles in Daisetta, TX.
Comments
Don't you mean "Freedom Hole"?
Frankly, I'm surprised anyone noticed . . . did it cut off access to a Wal-Mart or something?
Carl 09 May 2008
Q: What do you call a 900-foot-long sinkhole in Texas?
A: A good start.
Damn Yankee 09 May 2008
mmmmm....rasberries shaped like ants.
Texas's new problem of the week!
http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/green/sns-ap-texas-ants,0,2797887.story
Nora 15 May 2008
Grim Reaper Trumps Way-Back Machine
Ted Key, creator of "Mr. Peabody & Sherman" kicks the bucket.
Comments
Gee, I sure hope Mr. Peabody knows the way back.
Sherman 07 May 2008
Hulu
The site Hulu, just out of Beta, offers the concept you've been waiting for. A free, centralized, high quality dumping ground (& viewing area) for current TV shows (old bits and some movies). They have some kinks to work out, but I'm digging it.
As you may have noted, YouTube has become too unspecialised to even confront it. And on Hulu, sound and image quality are great.
The name is not very clever - Sort of, let's put "TiVo" and "YouTube" in a blender and see what we get!
Comments
Perfect if you need a quick fix of "Rockford Files" or "Ironside".
Hulu could be pretty awesome in 6 months or so . . . needs more of a selection!
Carl 06 May 2008
Ra-orrrrr...
Wilford Brimley and his cat twins page.
Comments
Congrats to Liz and Brad!!!
Thanks again for letting us in on your surprise wedding.
Comments
Ha Ha! Suckers!!!!!! We love you all so much!!!! Sorry we couldn't afford to invite everyone. :(
liz STEVISON 28 Apr 2008
Whut the...? I'm missing all the best nuptials. Well Congrats. I'll get you a gift, but you have to come to Texas to claim it.
Jpeg 28 Apr 2008
We couldn't be more happy for you both. You look so stinkin' happy in the photos. Love you and Congrats!!!!!!!
Hopefully the above is your honeymoon at the Sybaris.
kristin 02 May 2008
Hoo doggie...
I guess what elevates this sex toy to the heights of weirdness for me is the product name "I Rub My Wormie."
...from the weirdest sextoys list, which also features.
- Alien blow-up doll.
- Wearable oral sex light
Really... you're going to have many questions after sequencing through the list.
Comments
The way this is packaged is pretty sick . . . looks like it came right off a Toy R Us shelf.
Did anyone here have that Hasbro Glow Worm toy as a child?
Carl 13 Apr 2008
I know! It's so disturbing because it joins sex, childrens toy packaging and really icky juvenile language.
Mr. Kinsey 13 Apr 2008
Incase people want to get me a birthday gift next year, I DON'T WANT the rubber worm sex toy. Not for Christmas, not for my birthday and not for IT Support Appreciation Day.
Nora 14 Apr 2008
So, can I pry the gun out of his hand now?
Comments
Job opening for one semi-senile ham to spout ridiculous, combative slogans at people.
neoconventionalist 06 Apr 2008
Maybe James Arness or Clint Walker could take over this gig?
Carl 07 Apr 2008
Alternate caption: "The only good Indian... is a DEAD Indian!"
captionist 07 Apr 2008
I'd say the Indians got the last laugh considering he wore a fake scalp.
Maybe they could make Soylent Green out of him? "Now with more Ground Chuck".
Carl 08 Apr 2008
Chilly Reception
The "Cruzin' Cooler" is being advertised via radio, and I'm unable, as a consumer, to understand why I want to ride a cooler anywhere, let alone through piles of snow. I am however willing to pay for the inventor to get steriilzed.
Maybe it's like that old saying about locking a bunch of monkeys in a roomful of broken gadgets for eternity.
Comments
There's an organ transplant joke here somewhere but my hearts just not in it.
Carl 26 Mar 2008
By saying you're heart's not in it, you inadvertently made the joke... oh wait that was your point. Viva Sky Mall!
Karen 28 Mar 2008
And I've realized my line about "paying for sterilization" is redundant. If you're sitting on a cooler all night, the job is half-done.
jpeg 28 Mar 2008
Cute-topia
While caught up in the daily grind in Japan, it's easy to forget that animation is the solution to most of your problems. So they've created a government post to promote animation and already named a mascot to the position.
In related news, Japan is now considered a front-runner for the coveted "Weirdest Culture of 2008" title.
Comments
Japan embraces animation. It serves a purpose for both young and old. Most Americans (Puritans) dismiss this as bizarre and almost fetishistic.
Generally, I can take it or leave it BUT I appreciate the fact that it feeds and clothes people like me who choose to draw for a living.
Make cartoons, not crystal meth!
Carl 21 Mar 2008
So you went and did it.
(the official Karen and Ethan marital blog entry)
Most regretful I can't be there. I made this image for you.
All my love from Texas.
Comments
Dude, that's so three weeks ago.
Carl 15 Mar 2008
Nouh-uh, this one is in honor of their wedding party.
jpeg 15 Mar 2008
Mental note: check in on house 8 more often... THANKS JOHN! :) :) :)
Karen 28 Mar 2008
Riddle me this.
How on earth does a person make their name as a nemesis-crushing, whistle-blowing reformer (for almost a decade) while secretly indulging an apetite for pricey hookers? How do you imagine you're protected from those you've toppled, who would be looking for this exact piece of information about you?
How is NY's Elliot Spitzer capable of such unimaginable levels of stupidity?
Selct one: because he's:
a) a douche bag
b) a horn dog
c) a gas bag
d) secretly a Republican
e) more than one of the above
Comments
Take my word for it John, p*ssy will make you do some crazy shit.
Seriously, this guy pulled so much illegal crap as attorney general that he never should have been elected Gov.
Carl 11 Mar 2008
You crack me up Carl.
jpeg 11 Mar 2008
Sigh, I wish our gov in Illinois would be busted for "visiting" the ladies of the night. Even though he is a dem. I just hate him so much now.
Spitzer should have done what every other high powered politician does in New York-just fuck your mistresses, leave your wives and marry your mistress. Then repeat the cycle over and over again.
Also, maybe I am to liberal, but I have no problems with two consenting grown adults having sex for money. Besides a red scratchy itch, both knew what they were doing and why.
Nora 12 Mar 2008
Jpeg, did your email address change? I sent you something the other day and delivery failed. Lemme know...
andrew 12 Mar 2008
Spitzer wasn't just getting his wick wet, he was/is complicit in running an actual prostitution enterprise . . . big difference. At least he wasn't denying some pathetic, toe-tapping trist in a public washroom.
Legal sex trade might be just what this country needs to "pull out" of this recession. Morally, I have no problem with that as long as I get some work out of it.
Carl 12 Mar 2008
Some how as much as I love Carl, I don't think I want to see him in a leather mini skirt, with tube top and thigh high 6" heal boots on south state street asking people if they want some company.
Nora 12 Mar 2008
You don't have credibility as a reformer, righteously shutting done prostitution rings, if you're secretly paying for their services.
(AF My e-mail remains the same.)
jpeg 12 Mar 2008
You gotta sin to get saved.
Spitzer hasn't had a clean rep in years, this latest is him just getting sloppy and lazy. He's a politician for fuck's sake, he's a professional crook.
Oh, and I saw myself in more of a pimping role. What with my audacious fashion sense.
Carl 12 Mar 2008
Carl=pimp....that I can see.
However the above description is now kind of lodged in my head.
vanity fair did a article about him a couple of months ago basically saying he isn't making friends in the state and he does nothing but yell at both dems and reps.
Nora 12 Mar 2008
Hmmmm... birthday idea forming... pimp cane for Carl.
jpeg 12 Mar 2008
I am with a bottle of fake Cristal and a violet colored suit for Carl for his bday. So jpeg, your can will work.
Carl, get started on your pimp names.
Nora 12 Mar 2008
A pimp cane is a perfect gift for all occasions.
I'd prefer something understated . . . a figural cane handle depicting a panther savaging a child would be perfect.
And "fake Cristal"? N*gger, please! Only the finest booze do I swill from my jewel-encrusted chalice.
Carl 12 Mar 2008
American Community Survey - WFT?
Should I be worried about throwing away this wildly intrusive, quasi-census form?
Frankly, they should be paying me for the time it would take to fill out not to mention all the valuable consumer info it attempts to cull.
Comments
We're watching you Mr. Carl.
the census taker 03 May 2008
Bush offically supports "waterboarding" torture:
The military has banned it but the CIA stills gets to employ this method of persuasion usually associated with Nazis and villains from a Late, Late, Late Movie.
Maybe GW should have been forced to subject his mother, wife and daughters to this technique before signing off on it?
Comments
McCain also was anti-torture until he was for it. It's called "waffling." You may recall this term used by GOP assholes for three decades to pillory democrats.
jpeg 09 Mar 2008
MCCAIN WAS A FUCKING PRISONER OF WAR!!!
That pathetic, limp-dicked, washrag needs to just step out of the way. Almost makes me feel sorry for Huckabee, almost.
Carl 09 Mar 2008
And awaaaay he goes!
Ben Chapman, the guy who played the actual "Creature from the Black Lagoon", died last week in Hawaii. He was 79.
Comments
Boy he looks really old.
Smart ass from the briny deep 01 Mar 2008
Carl,
Weren't you in Hawaii last week when he died?
Did you have a secret agenda when you went to Hawaii.
Who's next, The Fog?
Nora 03 Mar 2008
Yes.
Let's just say, he tasted like chicken.
Carl 03 Mar 2008
You told me that was opakapaka!
Lisa 06 Mar 2008
The "special" really was special.
Carl 06 Mar 2008
William F. Buckley R.I.P.
Conservative writer William F. Buckley (on the left... smirk), who was as full of affectation as a bad drag queen, is dead. Even Bond villains look cuddly next to him. It's not good to debate Gore Vidal on TV and have audiences conclude that you were the gay one. Here's their notorious, nasty exchange.
Still, he was often funny and very smart. At one point, as the joke goes, Laugh-in offered to fly him out to Hollywood to appear on the show, but they "couldn't find a plane with two right-wings." Buckley even laughed at that one. What a slap in the face that someone so learned (a quality not on display in the clip) had to watch impotently as the torch was passed to a complete nincompoop like Bush.
Comments
Did the world just end, or did I hear a faint praise for a conservative from Johnny Jpeg....
nora 27 Feb 2008
I'm always impressed by an actual working mind. There just aren't any in the GOP. (and nearly as few in the Dem party for that matter.)
Ex film-critic and radio mouthpiece/Neo-Con apologist Michael Medved is also very well-informed. He's like an encyclopedia, but he clearly works backwards from party-approved boilerplate to construct his completely unethical, partisan arguments... and, it goes without saying, he's an asshole.
So don't fret, I still depsise conservative public figures. Some just have more refined minds than others. Dennis Paeger and Michael Regan are two of the dumbest.. waaaaaay at the bottom of the gene pool.
Jpeg 28 Feb 2008
I'm with you on this one John.
They stopped making this model of asshole far too soon.
Carl 29 Feb 2008
ahem...
I can't put my finger on it, but something seems wrong with Jebuz coaxing youngsters towards his light switch...
This could be the official lightswitch-plate of the Catholic church.
Actually, it probably explains the Catholic church.
Let this serve as a lesson on how far kitsch can go wrong.
[from Gizmodo]
Comments
OK, that image has to be just about the most disturbing I've ever seen.
Do I want the light on? No, I want it off..wait, no I want it .... Oh Jesus! Turn it off! Turn it off! Ahhhhhh!
Markus Arelius 08 Mar 2008
When I was a kid, the family across the street had this light switch. I had completely forgotten about it. It's pretty weird, but I thought nothing of it as a kid.
jpeg 11 Mar 2008
Listen in
Interesting way to handle telemarketers:
a great phone prank.
Comments
Wave that flag, support those troops, praise that God...
...but please don't notice that our banks under a conservative, tax-cuts-AND-spending government just quietly borrowed 50 billion dollars to cover costs.
Comments
OK, so let me get this straight, the Iraq War costs about $200 million dollars a day and currently totals about $430 billion . . . the federal deficit for this year alone is projected to be $410 billion with the total pushing $10 trillion . . . not to mention the fact that the government is getting ready to cut every just about every taxpayer in the country a "economic stimulus" check for $600 to the tune of $170 billion total.
What's another $50 million more or less when you're already royally fucked for at least the next 30 years?
Carl 02 Mar 2008
Can I drive the bulldozer?
The house that perky, creepy brother/sister team 'The Carpenters' lived in together is now owned by a hispanic couple who ain't too happy that it's a pilgrimage site, and they plan to demolish it and rebuild.
I remained outside the Carpenters revival of the nineties, cause I still think their music is insipid.
Comments
“Land of the six word motto”
Even after being mocked, England continues its search for a 6-word motto that sums up the whole British experience. Various sites here have asked what a 6-word motto for the U.S. would be. Here's a very long, pretty funny page of suggestions:
"I Can’t Believe It’s Not Democracy"
"Still Using Fahrenheit, Feet, and Gallons"
“Land of the six word motto”
"What can we screw up next?"
"Hubris: it’s not just for Greeks!"
"All your oil belong to us"
“That looks nice. It’s mine now”
“stop me before I kill again”
"I'm sorry, do I know you"
"Press one to proceed in English"
“Smart equals faggy, dumb it down”
Comments
"Pick up your dog's shit, Asshole!"
"Fucking Breeders and their baby strollers!"
"10 items or less, you Douchebag!"
"Who writes a check for gum?"
Cranky Carl 16 Feb 2008
Soccer moms in SUVS: Bad idea.
Jpeg 16 Feb 2008
FYI: my entries were all inspired during a walk to the grocery store.
Carl 17 Feb 2008
Slanket party at my place!
Oh how we laughed at the sky pupa...
Well here comes Slanket!, a wearable blanket with sleeves. And from the looks of this cool crew, every slanket come with a wig or a prop. Presumably they're all taking a break from the wall to wall fucking that goes down at a slanket party. I can't decide which of them I'd prefer to strangle first, unless I could get my hands on the art director.
Comments
karen..... wedding reception idea!?!
kristin 15 Feb 2008
If you look at the testimonials page, some jackass says her boyfriend gave her one with an engagement ring in an inside pocket. Nothing says "I'm a loser you should NOT marry, like presenting an engagement ring in a Slanket."
Oh, slank this! 15 Feb 2008
Streetwear for the morbidly obese?
If UGGS/Crocs are any indication, yes.
Carl 16 Feb 2008
I saw a little blurb about this in todays redeye.
They look so comfortable.
Nora 19 Feb 2008
home SUITE home
I want my brio54*. Click the link to see 8 pix, if you can bear the infuriating interface on the site.
* lifepod thingy
Comments
NOT from the makers of 'Dick in a Box'
Tired of inquisitive border guards, and big jerks redefining the after-life without even asking for your input?
Well take your mind off all that crap with Casulo the award-winning concept that puts an entire rooms worth of furniture into a single box. Watch the vid!
From Liz H bay-bee, via Gizmodo.
Comments
I'll volunteer the first piece of snark with "Yeah, maybe one dorm-room of matching furniture. I can't make love to my wife on that bed!"
jpeg 12 Feb 2008
I'll be the second snarky comment for the night....
I see this at iKea with a red sign next to it saying temporarily oversold.
It is pretty cool though.
big jerk defining afterlife 12 Feb 2008
You can fit an entire house of furniture in one of our boxes. And our box has wheels. -U-Haul
U-Haul 14 Feb 2008
Most alarming thing I've read this year
(From a CNN.com piece on the search and seizure of electronic devices by US Customs)
Russ Knocke, a spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security, equates searches of electronic devices to those of papers in briefcases.
'You forgo your right to privacy when you are seeking admission into the country,' he says. 'This is the kind of scrutiny the American public expects.'"
Just so I have it straight: to preserve our freedom, we need to give up our freedoms. Is that right?
Read more.
Comments
Yup, welcome to our "free" fascist country . . . home of State-sanctioned waterboarding.
Carl 11 Feb 2008
Everything you know about Heaven is Goofy
Have you noticed a lack of biblical verse describing heaven (and hell) as it's ususally depicted? Well, they're ain't any! Heaven as place... hell as place... winged angels... sitting around on puffy clouds being passive and shooting the crap... halos... it's all so much hoo-hah says some guy who knows better.
Instead heaven seems to be about waiting around for essentially infinity, for the end of the world. Ho hum. I'm picturing some ambitious priest/shyster in 1500 A.D. saying, "I can't talk crowds into a lifetime of surrendering their control and their cash with that." So we sample a little of Dante's fantasies of Heaven, Purgatory and Hell, we take Michelangelo's Last Judgment, Judaisms heaven ideology and Greek-speaking Christians fatalist ideas and toss them all together in some hopelessly off-target religious casserole.
"Then what are we doing here? Wanna go get coffee?"
Comments
Johnny Jpeg,
Don't knock heaven,okay. Some of us still believe in it.
nora 10 Feb 2008
Yeah, and quit dissing Santa and the Tooth fairly and the efficacy of trickle down economics, too!
Unicorn_lover 11 Feb 2008
Many of you Jesus-huggers wait idly by for your "Rapture" but you will all be grist for the mill during the ensuing chaos of Ragnarök that will destroy this world.
My place in Odin's hall of Valhalla is secure. All of you oathbreakers, seducers and worshipers of false gods will have your defiled corpses torn to shreds by wolves.
I await your final glorious call to battle, oh son of Bestla and Borr . . . EULALIA!!!
Carl 11 Feb 2008
Not to be to schmaltzeee but...
All I am saying, that even though I am a not very good Catholic, I still believe in heaven. If I didn't then I would go through life believing that I would never see my mother, grandparents and all the other relatives that I miss and that have died.
Thats all I am saying.
Plus, I only understand half of Carls post.
Nora 11 Feb 2008
I am cheered by the number of bestselling tomes by staunch Athiests now out on the tables at Borders. In one, The End of Faith, the author posits that clinging to fanciful ideas like Heaven and Hell are what will likely be the destruction of civilization because of the ideas at the rot of religious fundamentalism. So while the idea of Heaven may be comforting, it defies all rational thought hard won over the last few centuries, and effectively justifies the thought behind jihad. That's simplifying the argument quite a bit, but it's the gist.
I'm just saying.
il_postino 11 Feb 2008
Oh, and more importantly, how do you get the umlaut special character to show up in HTML, Carl? I need to update my World of Warcraft profile.
il_postino 11 Feb 2008
Copy and paste my friend.
Carl 11 Feb 2008
Nora: "I still believe in heaven. If I didn't then I would go through life believing that I would never see (loved ones again)"
I don't understand what's wrong with a belieif in never seeing them again. If everyone was indoctrinated from childhood in that belief, everyone would accept it.
This is what I expect most Christians would say and it's (forgive me) bass-ackwards. People bring a supernatural fantastical construct (heaven) into existence, to accommodate personal desires? And don't even corroborate their views, with the owners manual of their faith?
"Thank God I don't like peas, because if I liked them I might eat them... and I hate peas."
jpeg 12 Feb 2008
The whole concept of "getting to heaven" and it being a certain way, either just like you were taught it would be or disappointingly different, pretty much fucks with my head. Is heaven even bound by earthly/human rational? If so, why? If it's so unlike anything one has ever experienced, why does religion build it up by making specific promises it can't possibly keep?
Other questions I have:
Will I see Ghandi in heaven? He was pretty fucking awesome, right? But he believed in a different god, so, different heaven?
What if I'm not "good enough" to make the cut for heaven? What if I do get there and find my Mom or other people I love went to the "other place".
To paraphrase Groucho Marx, "I'd never be a member of any club that would have me.".
Carl 12 Feb 2008
Johnny Jpeg,
I am not talking about people you don't care about in life (your lunch lady, teacher,etc), I am talking about people that you actually want to see again. That you loved in this world and that were taken from you to quickly or before you could appreciate them as a adult.
Maybe its because you have never really had anyone close to you die (ie: Mother, Aunt,etc), or maybe its that you associate any religion with right wing nutjob conservatives-but I can't be that cynical. Believing in heaven doesn't make you a Christian conservative, it just makes you someone who believes that hey, the mother that I want to see again, who died of cancer when I was 21, I could see again. I guess my question is if you don't believe in God, heaven, afterlife, religion, any type of faith what do you believe in.
To answer Carls question-I think we see who we want to see in heaven-no matter their religion. Unless your Hitler, George Bush, Stalin,etc-I think the bar for getting into heaven is pretty low. Be a good person (which the Carlsons excel in) and your there. I pretty much expect everyone on this board is there. So I will be seeing everyone at Skanksgiving in Heaven 2150!
Nora 12 Feb 2008
I'm with Nora. I don't think my religion is a black and white "I'm right, and if you don't believe the same things I believe, you're wrong" and I take a lot of my church's teachings with a grain of salt (okay, sometimes lots of salt). Overall, I just believe there might be something greater at work than what we understand.
What's wrong with taking comfort in the idea of heaven? It's pretty fantastical that we exist here on earth to begin with...so who's to say an afterlife is that much more far fetched? It's not a bad thing for us to have different beliefs and I'll respect yours even if you mock mine and call it backasswards. ;-)
Lisa 12 Feb 2008
Taunt The Graf at your peril. You might end up in someone else's construct of H-E-Double-Hockeysticks.
The Editors 12 Feb 2008
Jpeg would like to take this opportunity to direct you to my newsletter entitled "Heaven is what I say it is," and to distinguish this ethnographic/cultural inquiry into where the modern 'heaven' concept comes from (in all it's weird vagaries - Why would I want to do anything for eternity, let alone see my relatives? ...snort), from recent Christian antagnosim, which he will resume after a short break. My 'bass-ackwards' remark was about the logic with which one constructs ones deepest beliefs, not the usual attempt to mock/topple religion. There's plenty of time for that later.
jpeg 13 Feb 2008
No, you may not...
...go to the electric chair in Nebraska anymore. They just abolished it. But don't fret, Dick Cheney should be back next door in Wyoming full-time in about 346 days, and we all know he's got a secret book of enjoyable ways to kill people.
Comments
That's Hollywood!
There’s a time-honored tradition in the porn biz of using a smutty, suggestive spin on a legit feature film name for a skin flick. For instance: “Hannah Does Her Sisters”. It’s something they do in the San Fernando Valley and they do it well.
So what do they do with this one
Comments
That title is already pretty meat-tastic.
Ron Jeremey 07 Feb 2008
Caption Contest:
Comments
"Would you guys stop shouting "Jesus Christ" when you lose? It's breaking my concentration. OK, son of God needs a new pair of sandals!"
il_postino 05 Feb 2008
"We can handle our own free drinks, thanks."
Jpeg 07 Feb 2008
"I'll see your loaf and two fishes and raise you."
"Oh and if you loaned JC any money, I'd settle up tonight."
Carl 08 Feb 2008
Who wants to bet me that I can turn this water into wine.
Nora 08 Feb 2008
Hungry after Sex?
I couldn't decide if you needed to know more urgently about:
- Cheeseburger-in-a-can or...
- online Smurf porn (in Spanish)
They both seemed pretty important. Do I actually have to say
The smurf porn link is NOT appropriate for work environments?
[both from Buzzfeed]
Comments
Re Canned Burger:
Let's say a plane I'm on crashes and strands me in an isolated area. I order to survive, I need to either eat this product or a fellow passenger.
You better hope you weren't sitting next to me.
Carl 31 Jan 2008
Really,
No one has comnented on the Smurf Porn yet in Espanol?
Gee, Johnny, thanks for the warning about the Smurf porn and viewing it at work.
Nora 31 Jan 2008
Re Smurf Porn:
Blue body paint keeps you from getting a full erection.
Good to know.
Carl 31 Jan 2008
I think it fitting that you posted these together, Jpeg, because I want to paint that burger blue and fuck it in the forest.
I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking.
il_postino 31 Jan 2008
Heath Ledger has risen.
Heath Ledger will come again.
Comments
That wasn't three days!
ledger-demain 30 Jan 2008
Thank you, come again!
Apoo 30 Jan 2008
Great, what will that nutjob church from Kansas protest now....
Maybe Jake Gllyenhall needs some protesting against...
Nora 30 Jan 2008
Heath Ledger is Dead
Holy crap.
Story
He was 28.
What a shame.
Comments
This made me sad all evening last night.
Whats even worse is the below link of a store trying to profit from his death...
Nora 23 Jan 2008
Oh wait, here is something even worse.
I hope God strike down those protestors
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/19627377.html
Nora 23 Jan 2008
Looking forward to seeing the Dark Knight film he made.
This is a tragic loss.
Where is Nancy Reagan when we really need her?
Markus Arelius 28 Jan 2008
Svengoolie - A Rubber Chicken in Every Pot!!!
Cast your vote for our local "horror host" here:
http://rondoaward. com/
Comments
Woah!
Cast your ballot for him (Category #16) and maybe I'll do something about the giant cartoon.
Carl 22 Jan 2008
The teX Files
The papers down here are reporting that a crowd of regular Texans insist they saw a huge UFO last week . Says one witness in the video, "It seemed to be hoovering over Stephenville." Hmmm, I'm pretty sure he means hovering, unless they just came to do a little light housework.
Naturally I assumed the aliens were just waiting for something momentous (my graduation?) to divulge themselves.
Comments
Ah, yes . . . "regular Texans". They're the same people who think that executing retarded people is doin' God's work.
Once you believe in angels and devils, UFOs aren't much of a stretch.
Carl 18 Jan 2008
This one (they say) was a mile wide. You never really hear of thirty people saying they all saw a UFO. Just random flakes and duos. Then again, none of them had a damned cellphone camera?
It was hoovering...
jpeg 18 Jan 2008
Well, everything is bigger in Texas . . . hoaxes included.
Carl 18 Jan 2008
Did you ever notice you can change Taxes to Texas by swapping two letters? Makes you think...
co-conspirator 19 Jan 2008
30 or 40 people have been told "That was just some military jets" This despite being told previously there were no military jets in the area. That and the fact that military jets looks amazingly unlike UFOs.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22810569/
jpeg 25 Jan 2008
Olan Mills Blog
Nothing like a collection of regrettable family photos, with loads of snark, natch.
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Hey Jeff
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She'll be back.
Carl 13 Jan 2008
Jeff,
You always have Elvira, the 2nd rate Vampira!!
Nora 15 Jan 2008
Booberella . . . err . . . Elvira. Ugh.
Can you believe Vampira sued her and lost?
Carl 15 Jan 2008
And... Done!
Today I successfully defended my thesis to a crowd of thirty & a jury of seven. It's all over but the cryin' (the paperwork). I have spent my last day in architecture school. One Master's degree coming up.
Very happy, and twice as exhausted.
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Congrats, JPeg! Now all you have to worry about is those pesky student loans! ;)
motero 11 Jan 2008
Welcome (again) to the working world . . . now pick up a broom and start sweeping.
Carl 12 Jan 2008
They're building a new Dunkin Donuts at Pulaski and Irving Park. Perhaps you can supervise the construction... and then sling krullers!
I keed! I keed! Congrats, John. It seems like only several long years ago we were at Sidetracks, watching you open response letters from grad schools.
andrew 12 Jan 2008
A hearty congrads from me as well. Maybe you can make that ugly spire building not as ugly.
Nora 14 Jan 2008
Seriously, there's a Denny's in Seattle that just got historic status . . . think you could do something about that?
Carl 15 Jan 2008
Buffet hostess: "Y'all Too Fat!"
Not since Jimmy Dean shrunk their portions has there been a food scandal with such weighty implications. Two heavy guys have been forbidden to return to a buffet.
"I got 3 shrimp-balls and 2 frog-legs, cause two legs come to a frog unless they're cripple." Somebody rush to the aid of these two jokers.
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Tiddy Bear
Yes, it's real.
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Who knew that a plush toy could be such a clear signal that our society is circling the drain.
What's next, a special product for cooling down coffee that's too hot?
Carl 04 Jan 2008
My favorite part of these pitches is always the dramatization of the problem; a bad actor (portraying a helpless douche) confounded by the trivial hardship the product solves. Apparently the strap is ruining those 2 chicks lives when they drive. The narrator should be saying "Are this helpless and stupid? "
My tiddy's feel better.
jpeg 04 Jan 2008
iBee-yotch
My policy is to return items to the people who've lost them, no matter how appealing the find. For this service, I think one person in 15 years has given me five dollars. (!) When people return my things I always give them some reward, based on how costly and annoying it would have been to replace the item.
Last night I found an iPhone and was looking for any clue as to who owned it when I got this delightful msg.
Umm. you're welcome biz-natch.
True to form when the combative, foul-mouthed owner claimed her phone today she gave me a five dollar gift-card to Starbucks (I don't drink coffee), and a paperback on surviving an Alien Abduction. Hey thanks!
I saved her $500 and she offers a one percent reward! Thanks a lot Denise Johnson of Houston, you cheap *****. I'm done returning items. People don't deserve their stuff back.
Comments
Are you sure that wasn't my iPhone you picked up? The passive/aggressive thing to do would be to use it to email death threats to public officials; then download gigabytes of documents on nuclear bomb manufacturing, child pron and Metallica mp3s, before kindly handing it back to her (a taking her 5 dollar reward).
Gomez 03 Jan 2008
I recently found and returned an iPod Touch, the owner was very appreciative and gave me a iTunes gift card.
The older I get, the more real Karma seems to me.
BUT . . .
This douche-nozzle who lost her phone deserves to have it mailed back to her in pieces along with a note/diagram explaining why.
Andrew, what was that iPhone in a food processor site?
Carl 03 Jan 2008
I recently found and returned an iPod Touch, the owner was very appreciative and gave me a iTunes gift card.
The older I get, the more real Karma seems to me.
BUT . . .
This douche-nozzle who lost her phone deserves to have it mailed back to her in pieces along with a note/diagram explaining why.
Andrew, what was that iPhone in a food processor site?
I'd at least dunk it in the toilet before giving it back.
Carl 03 Jan 2008
Gomez and Jeff, those are beautiful suggestions!
I suspected from experience that she'd lowball the swap, and she did. But the worst I could dream up was scratching a deep line diagonally across the whole surface. How sexy would your phone be then, princess?
jpeg 03 Jan 2008
I feel like I should type this in small font,but, here it goes...
Why can't the reward be the actual doing of a good dead instead of getting a monetary gift.
Nora the good doer 07 Jan 2008
Get your torches and pitchforks ready . . .
Huey Lewis and The News are back from the dead and terrorizing a town near you in '08!
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yeah he's kinda gruesome, but the ladies like him cause he's got a big one (as seen in the movie shortcuts)
Mrs. Huey 03 Jan 2008
I read somewhere (my son gets RS) that he gets $200k per show and is booked solid doing corporate gigs. He said the reason he doesn't tour is that there's no money in it if you're not pushing a new album and he can't get a deal with a major label. He mentioned something about a Radiohead-type thing, maybe that's what this is about. We have the Back To The Future trilogy on DVD, so I know all the words to 'Back in Time"
qtip 09 Jan 2008
Oof.
Ring in the new year with the Bad Tattoo Gallery.
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I can only hope that he works with the elderly or coma patients.
I'll bet he's a big hit at funerals.
But seriously . . . if this is a real tat, the "artist" that agreed to do it should be shot.
Carl 31 Dec 2007
yeah but... did you see the hairy armpit tattoo? the indian humping a corn-dog? There's a whole gallery of regrets.
jpeg 31 Dec 2007
Call me crazy, but, any tattoo hidden under a shirt or pants is strictly the owners business regardless of quality or subject matter.
Ink on the head, neck or hands sends out a clear message: Live fast, die young and leave an idiotic looking corpse for me to point and snicker at.
Maybe I should start investing heavily in tattoo removal technologies?
Carl 31 Dec 2007
Maybe he can wear some pants over his head. yuck yuck. (see 1st reply from Carl)
skelewhat 03 Jan 2008
What do you call arsonists burning Bush's childhood home?
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"Say 'Hello' to my little friend... "
The Tooncinator is not simply a cat with an AK-47 up it's ass. It's a fearsome kitty decoy that lets our military shoot around corners. Could this be a noble reuse for "Bomber" the unwanted kitty?
We're clearly headed for a future filled with puppet/weapon hybrids.
Kitty Booyah! Whew... that's dumb.
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This is no more ridiculous than the bomb sniffing/seeking, GPS-chipped rats I read about a while back. These rats were trained to locate explosives and would be tracked and targeted by satellite.
Carl 26 Dec 2007
Yeah. ...that's what the rats want you to believe.
Willard 26 Dec 2007
If I had just one wish this holiday season...
...it would be to receive the "doggy style" pencil sharpener, which extends kitsch into previously uncharted territory. I wonder if Homer knows what Marges headless body is up to.
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Strangely, I find the screws holding it together to be the most disturbing aspect.
Carl 20 Dec 2007
Spears' Infant Son Fathers Child While in Rehab
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...dem Spearzes is real fer-tyle.
Cletus 20 Dec 2007
John,
Now that your a southerner, can you please confirm if 16 in the south is like 28 up here in the north?
Nora 20 Dec 2007
Merry "Tater Mitts" Christmas!!!
I dare any man not to wince during the carrot peeling portion of this TV commercial . . . it's like they've harnessed the worst aspect of sex on a beach.
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Caution: Remove Tater Mitts before caressing your girlfriend, or petting the cat.
Pet mitts 17 Dec 2007
Or.... keep your mitts on to create Titty Kitty Mitts!
Beavis 18 Dec 2007
Reggio the Hoofer
Good seats are still available for this season's must-see, tap-dancing masterpiece, The Nut-tapper.
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AM Gold loses a little glitter
Peoria native and soft rocker Dan Fogelberg died this weekend.
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I was actually glad to hear he was dead. Then I realized I was thinking of Kenny Loggins.
Watch your back, Loggins!
il_postino 17 Dec 2007
Danny boy, certainly needed a beating; his brand of puss-rock was not kind to ears or machismo. Now I can move on to tracking down all the members of uber-puss-rock band "Bread," and asking them "How could you do this to music?" while beating them with a pipe.
For those keeping score...
Dan Fogelberg :( :( :(
Jack Lemmon :( :( :( :(
Bread :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Jpeg 17 Dec 2007
I'm amazed at the general level of venom being spit over this topic . . . hard to believe this guy's music could make anyone feel anything other than boredom.
My hometown Peoria radio stations played the shit out of this back in the day and it was a real snooze.
Give me some pole-smokin' Billy Squire any day!
Carl 17 Dec 2007
Dan Fogelburg's dad (aka the leader of the band) was my trumpet teacher when I was in 5th grade. Nice fellow. :(
Gomez 17 Dec 2007
Did I forget to mention that Dan Fogelberg killed my dog once?
jpeg 17 Dec 2007
Oh, for christ's sake. MACHISMO?! When the bloody hell was enjoyment of music about proving what a man you are? This is the same kind of mentality that turns people to ear-poison like Korn. Now there's a band I would rejoice over the collective gruesome death of. At least Fogelberg used melody. Don't get me wrong, Korn brought the respected and ancient art of growling and screaming to a new level. Call me crazy, but if music makes me feel good, I listen to it and bollocks to what anybody else thinks. If this makes me a big fag, at least I'm an intelligent and happy big fag. Now go beat someone with a pipe for not writing music that makes you feel like a troglodyte.
Reginald Zimmerman 07 Jul 2008
Fluffernutter? I hardly know her!
There's an awesome media page on the Fluff site dedicated to the glory of a Fluffernutter sandwich. Try playing all the files at once for a surreal experience.
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While my Mother WOULD send me to the corner store for smokes, she'd NEVER in a million years have let me eaten this crap.
Could this sandwich be worse for you than bologna and American cheese sandwich with mayo?
It reminds me of the goop discovered in the movie "Food of the Gods".
Carl 17 Dec 2007
Comrade Carl... have you never tasted the astonishing, beautiful thing that is a fluffernutter? It's the "prime-rib" of sugary sandwiches! I don't eat them frequently but about once a year (instead of a candy bar) I must have a fluffernutter, in spite of my fading sweet-tooth! Peanut butter and Fluff combine into one incredible flavor... toss in a glass of cold milk (!!!!) and your mouth will be overjoyed. As for the effects fluff has on children; well yes, it does probably melt their brains.
Jpeg 17 Dec 2007
Confection Injection
How many times have you wished you had a big syringe that could suck out the center of a banana, so you could pump some sugary filling into it...? Well now your most delirious banana-fueled dreams have come true with DestapaBanana(tm).
Yes, we live in a world that thought this problem needed solving.
the horror...
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Finally! Can't wait to make lard filled bananas.
motero 13 Dec 2007
If we can put a man on the moon, why shouldn't we be able to make a Twinkie out of virtually anything?
I think they offer this as a course at Bovine University.
Carl 14 Dec 2007
I invented this during Spanish Inquisition.
Of course, it was molten lead we were injecting into a heretics penis . . . but the pudding-filled banana is nice too.
Torq Ferdy 14 Dec 2007
Although Torquemada has interesting ideas, I'm with motero! I'm bringing creamy lard-nanas to Skanksgiving 2008.
jpeg 14 Dec 2007
I'm making the most of my holiday purchases. Once I rip out my deer's anus, I'm filling it with Fluff!
il_postino 17 Dec 2007
Nothing says 'Holidays' like deer-anus fluffernutters. Perhaps you'd all like to join me for D.A.F.s while listening to the mellow sounds of "Baby, I'm a want you... baby, I'm a need you."
Best... post... ever, Postino.
jpeg 17 Dec 2007
Waat?
WOOT! has been crowned word of the year by Mirriam-Webster.
Woot is so 2003!
Definitely retired by 2004.
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This is based on how often the word is looked up?
Doesn't that indicate that people don't know what the fuck "w00t" means?
My vote goes for "meh".
Carl 13 Dec 2007
In an effort to put the CHRIST!!! back in Christmas:
Not for the squeamish:
http://hunterspec.com/indexVideoFlashPro.cfm?vidFile=BUTT_OUTNEW.flv&vidWidth=320&vidHeight=240
For the Mother-In Law who has everything.
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"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember these from the now-destroyed CIA video "Tell us the truth, Apu" or "Pleased to meat me?"
Troy McClure 08 Dec 2007
Three easy steps is too many! America demands a device that removes an anus in one step. And it should also freshen your breath and enlarge your penis.
il_postino 09 Dec 2007
My dad would have liked if me and my bro had been interested in hunting. What a dissapointment we turned out to be. We never had to rip the anus out of a deer, but watching and assisting in 'cleaning' pheasants was plenty gross; resulting in an unwholesome buttery/fart smell that would linger in our basement for weeks.
This is easily the nastiest thing I've ever seen. Anything the porn industry can dream up is LESS repulsive than this device (and that helpful video). I couldn't even watch step 3. I guess the process must be even more revolting without the "Butt Out!"
jpeg 12 Dec 2007
It'll be a real Xmas miracle if you DON'T find one of these in your stocking.
Carl 12 Dec 2007
John, that smell in the basement? I think it was Mike...
pazen 13 Dec 2007
OMG. That's horrifying.
mollusk 17 Dec 2007
Just in time for Xmas
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Keister this, Richard Gere! You're so keen on having an enlightening religious experience.
Carl 28 Nov 2007
Don't get mad at me Carlsons....but this kind of reminds me of Chubs a little.
big nose, little ears, really cute.
Nora 29 Nov 2007
Have you missed the crucifix-carrying god-robot? The poo and pee plush toys? The stuffed virus? The clown syringe?
jpeg 29 Nov 2007
Man...? or old lesbian?
For a long time, I noted that lesbians start to resemble Roger Ebert as they age. Well, now there's a blog called men who look like old lesbians.com. Keep clicking "Older Posts" as you reach the bottom of the page... wait till you get to Ric Ocasek and Christopher Walken.
Or, you may prefer hot chicks with douchebags.com.
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Kyle McLaughlin and Robert Vaughn need to play daughter and mother in something ASAP.
Carl 20 Nov 2007
Not to be crass, but anyone suprised that Drew Peterson is not on that Hot Chicks with Douchbags site. Then again this point, he's probably killed all the hot chicks in his life. What a douchebag.
Nora 21 Nov 2007
Speaking of hot missing chicks . . . Lisa Stebic?
Carl 21 Nov 2007
Writers strike too Late to stop National Treasure sequel
Yes, a scant month stands between us and the cinematic equivalent of explosive diarrhea that is Nation Treasure: Book of Secrets.
How many movies does Nic Cage have to do before he can afford a decent toupee?
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Nick. Just shave your head. There's no way it can look worse than this.
Kal-El 18 Nov 2007
Regarding toupees, stars like Cage and Travolta have set the bar so low that I'm seriously considering sporting one on my own bald dome strictly as a fashion statement.
Carl 19 Nov 2007
Why doesn't someone hit that man with a Hair Club?
Q-Tip 20 Nov 2007
Bury my Heart at Wounded Knee... or Haunted Mansion
Rating very high on the Ewwww! scale... Disney Parks have noticed people tossing cremated remains into the attraction, as they go through the Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean rides.
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Makes the prospect of a blowjob in the Haunted Mansion even more spooky-exciting!
I'm surprised anyone noticed the cremains what with all other the human garbage walking around.
Carl 16 Nov 2007
mwooOOOooo. ...haunted handjob!
ghost 16 Nov 2007
virtual blitzer still gets it wrong...
well, if you wanted to escape reality, you might want to reconsider heading to second life, now hosting the
CNN I-Report hub. If you are bored silly, virtual Larry King is interviewing virtual Oprah about the rumored abuses at her virtual school. eckkk.
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duh
MIT is suing Frank Gehry over a leaky building. The school asserts that the Stata center has drainage problems and mold growing on its brick exterior. Snow and ice fall from the windows and roofs, blocking emergency exits and damaging shit.
Reality check: And when MIT was thrilled at the unveiling, that the architect hadn't provided another dull box... and when MIT purchased this willfully strange building hoping to ride a free publicity wave... and when MIT's trustees used a snazzy model as bait to snare donors; all of them were able to look at this design and think "Yeah, this is going to be water tight and climate sensitive?"
Aggressively avant-garde buildings don't follow a body of knowledge, they buck it. So while the pricetag to build it is multiplied, the cost to maintain it is likewise astronomical. If they're peeved about the bldg, they can calculate the dollar vlaue for all the free exposure they got having a bldg that focused the worlds eyeballs on their campus.
They bought a publicity machine and they got one; a leaky one.
Comments
Maybe MIT could put in a few slot machines and blackjack tables to offset the cost of upkeep.
Carl 06 Nov 2007
john, your argument is misguided - when you pay a hefty price for something, you expect it to be built properly. To suggest that "you get what you get and you can't get upset" when you trend avant-garde is nutty. who cares about the side benefit of its buzzworthiness? MIT has a fine rep, they didn't just roll the dice for a chance at greatness with Mr. Frank Gehry. doesn't give Gehry a pass, especially if he oversaw the build. admit it, you love him, you love him, you love him
pazen 10 Nov 2007
I am belatedly with Pazen on this one.
Just because you build a building that is aggressively avant garde, doesn't mean that it should be unsafe, moldy and functionally inoperable. The blocked fire exist alone should have prevented this building from being built to begin with.
It oddly reminds me of the Pontiac Fiero (wow that kind of ages me)....Pontiac built this small, sassy car with the engine I believe in the trunk in the 80s..It was the their low end sports car model and came with Miami Vice figurines (okay that was a little bit of a stretch)...The only problem was when you rear ended the car, it exploded and people died. So Pontiac basically had to admit their great looking car was a inoperabe flamey mess. All the good press they got for sassiness, was completely irrelevant because of the basic hazards of the car.
This building has alot of hazards and should not be rewarded for its looks alone.
Anyone get what I am saying, or am I just chattering on and on because I am bored at work.
Nora 27 Nov 2007
Buildings, including simple, dumb, conventional ones - leak all the time. I don't think the public knows enough yet to make a judgement as to why the building is leaking. I think everyone is merely presuming that Gehry's unconventional forms are prone to technical failure.
A building envelope is a complex skin made up of insulators, membranes which control air/water vapor, waterproofing, air cavities, etc...and the design of the skin is a science in itself. Without knowing the specifics of the project, I would place my bet on Gehry coming out clean on this one.
My two cents: I'm thinking the owner/contractor "value engineered" the quality of the waterproofing and decided to alter the envelope design to save cash. As an architect, I see this happen all the time. Architect's provide a design service, which owner's, contractor's, construction managers, owner consultants, facilities personnel (large entities at universities), often ignore.
Interesting interview:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=16094600
Troy 01 Dec 2007
"value engineered" Ha! I am using that in the RFP I am working on right now! I think you nailed it, though. I don't mean to come down on FG, having gone to IIT, you can guess why I am just not a huge fan of his work... other than his appearance as a cartoon on PBS' "Arthur".
pazen 01 Dec 2007
Congressman Hotty
Legislatively anti-gay conservative State Rep. Richard Curtis transformed last week into a volptuous babe and went to the hooker-y side of town; where he found a rent boy, had videotaped sex with him at an adult video store, then went home with him and didn't pay him enough cash. I wonder if he shaved the 1970's porn 'stache, cause that's kind of a giveaway.
Tragically this upstanding defender of all things non-gay has met his Waterloo and resigned today, with assurances that he ain't no damned pillow-biter.
* Interview with the male prostitute who's facing 6 months for extortion. (!?)
Comments
What do you expect? He's a retired firefighter and yearns for pole.
Carl 02 Nov 2007
"Eek. ook. eek. eeeeiiiiie."
Sign language chimp dies Her last words were "Actually I hate bananas. But it was banana this! banana that!with you people!."
Comments
Chilly Willy?
For if you're cold..."down there"...
Comments
Mine's bigger...
QTip 01 Nov 2007
Many thanks!
sexleksaker 26 May 2008
Boooo-ark.
Terrifying dog costumes.
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I'm sorry, dogs in costumes aren't terrifying, their adorable...
Now Chows, are kind of terrifying...
nora 01 Nov 2007
Goodnight Sweet Prince
Join me in bidding a fond, baritoned farewell to one of the last great crooners.
This is the guy that drove Elvis to shoot his own TV.
"NATURE ALL AROUND ME!"
Comments
...died waiting for a lung transplant! Like we don't toss away ten thousand lungs a day. It would be nice if this raised a point about the need for organ donors.
jpeg 31 Oct 2007
Well, he did smoke like a burning tire.
What's the world coming to when a rich, white celeb can't get a lousy two or three lungs?
Carl 31 Oct 2007
"Gee, your crotch looks terrific"
Hasn't everyone wondered, at least once, what it would be like to have a burning appliance clean up your bikini line?
Thanks to the No No "Shaver" which burns your pubes off, now you can enjoy the luxury of a smooth groin while simultaneously basking in the scent of burning hair.
(I must admit the product pitch does not mention the bikini area even once, but boing-boing insists that's what it's for)
Comments
Let me put my perspective on this: I just spent a huge chunk of cash to have my Yeti-like back hair laser removed . . . if this No! No! product works, it's a hell of a bargain and much more convenient.
Personally, I can't wait for the 70's era, full bush to come back in style.
Carl 30 Oct 2007
I work right next store to a Sephora, so if anyone wants me to pick one up for them, let me know.
Nora
Nora 30 Oct 2007
Halloween 2007: Nearly rape-free
Comments
With a little modification, we could turn this into the Dream Police video...
Rick Nielsen 29 Oct 2007
beautiful!
It's hard to believe this admin ever drops their vigilance against American civil rights but here it is; in DC today Rice was about to take the witness table for a House Foreign Affairs committee when she got owned by this chick from Code Pink! This isn't photoshopped. This woman should be given a Nobel, a Pulitzer, an Oscar... and she should be lead jurist in the Bush crimes tribunal. God knows she has more balls than spineless golden-agers Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.
Presumably now that Condi has failed her Fuhrer, she too will fall on her knife and resign.
Comments
Sadly, the MSM has done a pretty good job of keeping this story quite.
I'd give up another civil right or two just to see this Desiree Farooz in a Pay Per View cage match with Ann Coulter.
Oh wait, I've no more civil rights left . . . who's that busting down door?
Carl 25 Oct 2007
Telling that it seems everyone around the Code Pink people are more concerned with documenting the event than actually helping them retain and protect their civil rights.
andrew 25 Oct 2007
Andrew... Huh? I don't understand. There's like... one person with a camera, and three other pinks being kicked out by a bunch of police stooges.
jpeg 25 Oct 2007
I count at least 6 people with cameras. And lots of other people standing around watching the cops assault three people for no reason.
Whatever. Who cares. Let's bomb Iran. Fuck it.
andrew 26 Oct 2007
saw LOADS of photos at different angles for this. sorry, I don't condone touching Rice. Not saying I like her, but the blood on the hands would have been a good demonstration, but she crossed the line in her protest. they took a page out of Kerry's "Bro" protester's playbook.
pazen 26 Oct 2007
I'm with you on the issue of physical contact, Paz, but don't you figure it's a pretty small infraction in relation to whole issue? War should bring out the worst in people, I can't think of a more appropriate time to lose one's shit. That Code Pink chick could have been strapped with TNT and had her pockets full of nails . . . restraint is relative.
Most of these politicians are so insulated and have been rich f*cks for so long that they need a little in-your-face reality check.
If a decision I made during the course of my day resulted in countless deaths, I think someone would be more than a little miffed.
Carl 29 Oct 2007
Um, how do we terminate this?
Oops. Please pardon my robotic killing machine!
Comments
Anyone remember the Chevy Chase movie "Deal of the Century"?
Carl 20 Oct 2007
or Robocop... "You have ten seconds to drop your weapon!"
jbot 20 Oct 2007
Torn from the headlines...
Comments
Priceless!
Carl 19 Oct 2007
What would make this picture complete is if she had a martini (or in her case Wild Turkey) in her hand.
Nora 19 Oct 2007
almost like it's torn from 'The Onion' headlines
jpeg 19 Oct 2007
ahh, she only smokes on even numbered days, ain't that bad.
pazen 19 Oct 2007
She lives on Bull(et/itt) Avenue. Sounds like a place where there might be bigger worries than jackhammers.
mollusk 26 Oct 2007
The Birds Redux
Another Hitchcock title is getting a remake. From the writers of "Boogeyman" comes what I'm sure will be a riveting bit of celluloid that will be enjoyed decades.
Oh, and Jpeg, a "Strangers on a Train" retread is already in the works over at Universal.
Comments
"...covered in birds, ...aaahh!"
eddie izzard 17 Oct 2007
I've mellowed on the topic of remakes. You have Hitchcock in the past, and then you have all remaining time left in western culture. Toss in mentally lazy execs, and clearly remakes are going to win that battle. I'm indifferent to both titles; the Birds is odd (mostly camp value) and SoaT is technically interesting (for the camera work).
If they remade Rear Window however, um, nevermind. (They have... 2X)
jpeg 17 Oct 2007
Remakes still make me vomit with rage even though Hollywood has been rehashing titles since the beginning.
I'm not a Hitchcock fanatic but we'll never get a contemporary equivalent (or better) by going back to the same well.
I've come to terms with the fact that mainstream movies are just that, mainstream. Average = Dumb . . . your typical cineplex patron generally doesn't want to be challenged with anything really fresh.
Familiar themes/characters are comfortable and allow the viewer to turn their brain down a couple notches . . . but I thought that was TV's job.
Carl 17 Oct 2007
Come for the dental work!
Stay for the free breast fondling.
Comments
In the interest of public safety, I'll soon be forming a mobile TMJ task force to combat this terrible malady.
Until then, my pectoral massage services can also be found on Craigslist under "casual encounters". Group discounts available.
Carl 16 Oct 2007
Shrug This!
If you're not aware of Ayn Rand's novels or her predatory 'philosophy' Objectivism, it will soon be unavoidable. Pitt and Jolie are filming her dopey opus "Atlas Shrugged."
Rand was a little too insane to go into here, but finally her cult has a place where they can meet each other and date, the Atlasphere. Mind you, a date between two superior beings, who extol the virtue of selfishness and whose professed goal is to separate themselves from the mediocrity-laden establishment might be different...
"There's a popular game among Objectivists – Concepts in a Hat. Participants write philosophical terms on scraps of paper and drop them into a bowl, draw two or more at random, and explain the connections. The mood can be typical of Objectivist clubs and meetings, says Mr. Zader – impersonal and esoteric in a way "that isn't exactly a chick magnet. ....men outnumber women 4 to 1 on the site."
Although children are mysteriously absent from her novels, some lucky child can now someday be told, "Your mother and I fell deeply in love after learning we shared a complete contempt for humanity..."
From this article
Comments
I like the fact that Objectivism leaves no room for a Creator God or religion in general.
Carl 16 Oct 2007
This post seems kind of wordy and deep. It also appears to try and edumacate me.
As a rule I ignore wordy and deep things and if I wanted to be educated, I would go back to school.
I sure do like puppies though. Puppppiiiieeesss!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzBLyIr3iTs
nora 16 Oct 2007
Genes Schmenes
The first human-designed gene was announced today. Let's hope it leads to a boneless, hamburger-flavored creature that cooks itself. My efforts at solving this problem are all buried out back.
The last gene-futzing effort (genetically identical corn) may have caused the massive bee deaths that occured this summer. So that went well.
Comments
Bees are pretty fucking amazing (as a kid, I had a neighbor who tended his own hives) and the environmental stress they're suffering troubles me.
First I heard it was the signals from cell phones and cell towers that were jacking with them . . . then I heard they had parasitic mites they couldn't shake (been there) . . . then I heard a fungus was artificially introduced to help fight off the mites and THAT caused even more problems.
While not all plants need bees for pollination, most humans have been away from farming just long enough to take these creatures for granted. No bees, no apples . . . it's just that simple.
My texting of this post from a Blackberry is probably not helping matters.
Carl 08 Oct 2007
parasitic mites... That's what they want you to think.
bees please 08 Oct 2007
I had heard that frogs were a great example on how environmental factors affect animals. A couple of years ago up in Minnesota, all these deformend frogs started showing up (ie: 3 legs, two heads, 5 eyes, etc)...Lake pollutants really affected the frogs up there.
All seriousness aside, anyone see the new Phillipino jail dance video. Its only hypnotic with a good song.
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/10/08/my-pitchfork-review-of-the-new-philippines-prisoners-video-52/
Nora 08 Oct 2007
"I'm covered in bees ...aaaah"
eddie izzard 10 Oct 2007
recalibrate your morality here
If you're keeping up with DC, MoveOn.org called General Petraeus, "General Betray Us" last month after he rolled over for W. and passed him the lube. This hurt the feelings of neocon flunkies so much that Sen John Corwyn foisted anti-MoveOn.org debate on the floor of Congress. Demcorats, as they are naturally prone to do, caved in and cowered.
Just 3 weeks later... American Conservative mag is running this cover article, and the neocons are silent and unoffended.
The article basically calls him a kiss-ass. "...the essence of his message was this: after four years of futile blundering, the United States has identified the makings of a successful strategy in Iraq. This defines Petraeus’s failure. Instead of obliging the president and the Congress to confront a fundamental contradiction—are we or are we not at war?—he chose instead to let everyone off the hook. "
Comments
Bear with me here . . .
Could it be that HALO 3 is simply a recruiting/training tool for children?
My 17 year old niece has a boyfriend who's in the Army Reserves and he's getting ready to go to war.
Carl 07 Oct 2007
MoveOn probably should have been smart enough to side-step this entire media IED altogether and kept working with logic and reason. Yes, Petraeus served as a mouthpiece for the administration. Everyone knows that. It's no secret. That's also not the problem.
The much bigger problem with Petraeus-as-Messenger of the administration's policy is that it completely undermines our confidence in, and our ability to trust, our military leadership. Dubya's foreign policy has not only spent whatever perceived political capital he thought he had after he stole another election, but he has also now fairly drained the US "Hey, we're the good guys, remember?" Account and is now working to ensure he alienates the very military families who still have enough faith in this country to put their asses on the line for some Deadender and his visions of the coming Rapture.
The Bushies (and Congress) have outsourced the war to private contractors with no oversight, and left the once great US military in an impossible and unwinnable situation without a proper plan, training, equipment or support. Not only are they engaged in an unpopular war, for a lot of Americans, it's unpopular in an entirely different and perverse way: They don't really give a shit. Wal-Mart's still open, ain't it? Then what's your problem?
But we're not talking about that, are we? We're talking about newspaper ads and magazine covers. Nearly as important and who gets Britney and K-Fed's kids, or what disease has taken up residence in Paris Hilton's stink-hole this week.
andrew 08 Oct 2007
If the Archie Gang gets a facelift in the woods . . .
and no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Comments
I'd be happy to give them a facelift in the woods, if you know what I mean!? (And if you don't, I mean I'm not gay.)
Sen. Craig 03 Oct 2007
Rent this movie . . . and destroy it.
It's a widely acknowledged fact that I loves me some shitty movies BUT this ain't one of them.
Easily the worst flick I've seen in a decade and, yes, I saw "Ghost Rider".
Comments
I often wonder just what the economics are that drive the "Luke Wilson movie" machinery. I don't know anyone who clamors for more Luke Wilson movies. It's not that he's espeically bad, but he barely even registers in his roles. The most any film-maker ever got out of him is that light does succesfully bounce off of him and into the camera; and he's mastered only one facial expression (Sincere!). Yet he has a movie contract and I'm in grad school. This seems unfair.
jpeg 02 Oct 2007
I was going to compare Luke Wilson to old-timey utility actor like Rex Reason . . . but that's not fair to Rex Reason.
Carl 02 Oct 2007
btw, I'd select "Home Fries" as the 2nd stupidest movie ever made, which strangely... is another Luke Wilson movie; coincidence? The worst movie ever made (my 2 cents) is "Nothing but Trouble" with Dan Aykroyd, but I haven't seen Vacancy.
jpeg 03 Oct 2007
I've seen "Nothing but Trouble" several times and it at least tries to be entertaining at points. I'm not saying it succeeds but it makes an effort.
"Vacancy" makes "Battlefield Earth" look like an epic masterpiece worthy of a deluxe Criterion treatment.
This movie limps along and shows nothing but contempt for it's audience at every turn as if to say "Hah! You actually paid to see this, you fucking idiot."
Carl 03 Oct 2007
Here, on the other hand, is the greatest movie never made:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQifXaOboMU
Carl 03 Oct 2007
I am going to have to officially object to all the Luke Wilson bashing going on...
I love Royal Tennebaums and his performance in that.
I mildly like Legally Blonde and find him watchable in that movie.
I like him in That 70s show.
I agree he seems to have fallen into the John Cusack movie theory (making one or two good movies every 5 years and crap the rest of the time), but I think he is better then you bashers (or bastards) are saying.
Also, I give him credit for writing and producing alot of the Wes Anderson movies, which I love.
Nora 03 Oct 2007
I'm not picking on Luke Wilson specifically, this entire movie sucked on every level.
I'd like to see the "screenwriter" flogged with a knotted rope first . . . then the suit that greenlit this project needs a thumb in the eye.
Carl 03 Oct 2007
...yeah!
jpeg 03 Oct 2007
This time of year used to have a certain smell
I hesitate to think how many soda bottle returns I spent on crap like this when I was a kid.
One stop shopping . . . vampire blood . . . oozing eye . . .
http://www.theimaginaryworld.com/iman.html
Comments
Farce
noun, a light, humorous play in which the plot depends upon a skillfully exploited situation rather than upon the development of character.
Closet-case Larry Craig was back in congress today in time to vote against, & defeat the Matthew Shepardhate crimes bill
Comments
Did that bill not actually get passed?
My biggest concern is that the Feds keep inserting themselves in what I see to be State issues, much like death penalty, etc. Are all violent crimes not motivated by some type of hate? We have plenty of laws in place to cover this already.
Craig, gay or not, is a self-loathing douche. When he leaves, another douche just like him or worse will take his place . . . his situation is symptomatic of a much bigger issue.
Carl 28 Sep 2007
Did that bill not actually get passed?
My biggest concern is that the Feds keep inserting themselves in what I see to be State issues, much like the death penalty issues, etc. Are all violent crimes not motivated by some type of hate? We have plenty of laws in place to cover this already. The specific language of this bill could come back to bite us on the ass.
IMO: Craig is not news. Gay or not, He's a self-loathing douche. When he leaves, another douche just like him or worse will take his place . . . his situation is symptomatic of a much bigger issue which ought to be pretty clear to the GOP considering how many "morally superior" members they've lost to the Dark (pink) Side recently.
Isn't it about time for Uncle Dick to shoot someone else in the face? Last time I checked there was still a war raging in the Middle East.
Carl 28 Sep 2007
The bill came about because anti-gay & anti-black crimes often reach a grotesque level of cruelty that someone who hates straight people (!?) rarely gets to. A straight person doesn't leave a straight bar and get brutally pounded to death with a bat and a piece of lumber because the victim was straight and a group of teens drove into town specifically to fuck up a straight person. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Broussard
jpeg 28 Sep 2007
Firstly, I'm not trying to say that gays and blacks aren't subjected to criminal savagery . . . but show me a group who isn't. Get in line behind the American Indians.
Gays don't want to be defined by their sexuality and want to be treated to the same rights as straights, right? Seems like asking the Fed to pass a special amendment runs contrary to just that.
Appropriate criminal prosecution seems to be the real issue here. Local and State officials need to do their fucking jobs.
Carl 28 Sep 2007
And anti-black crime? Call me when they solve the black-on-black crime issues.
Thanks for the Paul Broussard link but I do get cable and the newspaper under my (hetero) rock.
Carl 28 Sep 2007
Carl, you've drunk some GOP kool-aid.
jpeg 29 Sep 2007
Oops! I let my objectivity show.
Carl 30 Sep 2007
that is some sexy objectivity, big daddy, meet me in the men's room?
larry craig 30 Sep 2007
Larry, your toe-tapping proclivities are your own business (I know the value of a nice reacharound) but the sooner you officially come out, queen it up and legislate like you got a pair . . . the better.
Carl 01 Oct 2007
"queen it up and legislate like you got a pair" would make a great H8 tagline...
larry craig 01 Oct 2007
What's it cost to confirm you're a douchebag?
Apparently, $9.11. That's right. Some Giuliani-supporting assface decided it'd be a good idea to suggest a $9.11 donation to attend his Giuliani House Party fundraiser event.
[Abraham] Sofaer was a State Department adviser under President Reagan and is a fellow at Stanford University's Hoover Institution. Federal election data indicates Sofaer has given nearly $50,000 to Republican causes and candidates, including Giuliani, since 1995.
According to the invitation, "$9.11 for Rudy" is an "independent, non-denominational grass-roots campaign to raise $10,000 in small increments to show how many individual, everyday Americans support 'America's Mayor.'"
Hey, Abraham. Fuck you.
Comments
I quote THE ONION "quoting" Giuliani:
"Ever since 9/11 was founded that fateful day on 9/11, 9/11 has stood for one thing: 9/11."
Thanks for not milking what most people consider a national tragedy for personal/political gain. Lucky for Rudy, the Presidential race has nothing to do with integrity or character.
Carl 27 Sep 2007
Jay Leno Joke:
Amedinejad asked for permission to visit ground zero and was rejected, saying "We won't have you exploiting 9/11 for political gain ...everyone knows that's Rudy Guiliani's job!
Jpeg 27 Sep 2007
Silence is golden
Marcel Marceau, master of mime, died quietly (...snicker...) this week. I'm sure he's doing a really terrific trapped-in-a-box routine right now.
Comments
Wonder who'll deliver his eulogy . . . Mumenshanz?
Carl 24 Sep 2007
Real life "Colon Blow"
While researching cereal box typography, I came across this gem.
Nothing says "Good Morning!" like a one-two sucker punch to your bowels.
Comments
This is REALLY why the terrorists hate us
I'm pissed too, this is the only time of year I can get my BooBerry on.
If you see this stuff at a local Chicago store, report on it here.
Comments
Boo's looking effed up.
chocula 19 Sep 2007
I am sure your all over this site Carl...
http://www.i-mockery.com/booberry/main.htm
annoying popups aside, best website about a blue marshmellow cereal ever...
nora 19 Sep 2007
Step on it!
I'm researching some odd logging technology for my thesis, and ran across this creepy machine today. You've got to see it in action.
It will have a recurring role in my nightmares starting tonight!
Comments
Me no like big, noisy, grasshopper thingy.
Sasquatch 19 Sep 2007
Iraqi Gov't Has a Pair?
Who'da thunk it? Iraq instigates a troop withdrawal before the US Congress does?
Also, because the US media would never actually show you an IED in action:
Comments
Wow, like a pavement volcano! ...less flames than I imagined.
jpeg 17 Sep 2007
Badges? We don't need no steenkin' badges!
Blackwater 17 Sep 2007
There's a lot of shrapnel and shit that you can't see in that video . . . serious shit.
Carl 17 Sep 2007
My fellow Americans...
At Gerald Ford's liveliest, a coroner would be pressed for a method of determining his demise, but now that he's dead (people assure me) he's been memorialized in a corn maze.
Say, that's terrific, respectful fun! Celebrate long-dead GOP values like 'smaller government' while shouting, "I got lost in Gerald Ford's hair!"
Comments
The American Indians call that "a-maize-ingly dull".
Carlmosabee 15 Sep 2007
If this is what farmers are spending my farmaid donation on, I want my money back.
Nora 17 Sep 2007
Helvetica
A new movie devoted to Helvetica! Is it a force for good or evil? Is Helvetica trying to take over the world? What makes Helvetica tick?
Comments
Helvetica has been out for awhile now - I haven't seen it yet, but one of the guys I work with is a good friend of the Director, Gary Hustwit.
It is highly recommended by virtually all who have seen it. BTW, I got some really cool "I love helvetica" (in white) and "I hate helvetica" (black) buttons when it opened here in Chicago.
You can pre-order the DVD already, Mr. O'Hara.
paz 12 Sep 2007
I'm waiting for the Ed Benguiat biopic . . . too bad director Russ Meyer is dead.
Carl 13 Sep 2007
I Posted "This" Myself
Last week while dining at the El Rey taco house we were laughing about a sign that said Restrooms "are" 4 customers only!!!
What do people think quotation marks do?
* Samples of needless quotation marks
* The Blog of Unneccessary Quotation Marks
* Article Quotations Marks: The New Bold
Comments
Regardless of the unnessacary quotation marks, as long as I can still get my full of man on man action in this bathroom I will be happy!
Disgraced /Hypocrite Senator Craig 12 Sep 2007
"I'VE GOT NO OPINION ON THIS TOPIC", he typed quietly.
Carl 12 Sep 2007
Managements Big New Idea: Fun-sultants!
Gasp in horror with me at corporate America's newest desperation: The "Fun Consultant".
Comments
I'm fun-derwhelmed by this trend.
Carl 10 Sep 2007
we had one of these at iXL back in the day, jpeg - they came up with the togo party, remember?
paz 12 Sep 2007
no, wait, we had a fun-sultant who came up with that one all on his own... or did Michelson call himself the "Fun Sultan"? Andrew?
paz 12 Sep 2007
ahhh, Bob Michelson, how we all loved him in his "angry clown" costume.
jpeg 13 Sep 2007
Ahh....Bob Michelson, I wonder what he is up to. Let's google him....
Here is what I cam up with:
http://www.freshwaterventure.com/2006/11/1027_bob_michel.html
Apparently "did time" at ixl is not comparable to doing time in prison.
Memory Lane user 13 Sep 2007
blllleccch, what a creep.
xpeg 13 Sep 2007
Most admired Combover of 2007
Ran across this sweet combover today. Look at those groovy wigggling croplines. ...and the stylish part just an inch above his ear.
Very creative.
This fashion trendsetter is President Abdelaziz Bouteflika of Turkey.
Comments
As far as I'm concerned, "Abdelaziz Bouteflika" is Turkish for "fire your barber".
Maybe he could compare notes with Phil Spector.
Carl 07 Sep 2007
What's the French term for "douchebag"?
Alleged comedian Jerry Lewis (shown placing something other than his foot in his mouth) dropped a gay slur on-air during his Labor Day telethon, pissing off a whole new group of people. Bravo.
Comments
See, Deano. I told you that monkey had no talent.
Bing Crosby 05 Sep 2007
Who knew so many fags and dykes watched that show?
Lenny Bruce 05 Sep 2007
He looks amazingly like Moe Sizlak
jpeg 11 Sep 2007
Toxic Toys
Mattel is in trouble for the 3rd time in recent months due to faulty Chinese imports. Apparently a few square inches of Barbie's all-Lead dreamhouse didn't get a 2nd coat.
Comments
Maybe a little lead poisoning is the kind of lesson our tubby American kids need? Watch what you put in your mouth, Billy . . . it could make you fat and/or kill you.
And why is Santa using Chinese elves to make these toys anyway?
Carl 05 Sep 2007
Owen Wilson attempts suicide after watching "You, Me and Dupree".
Comments
Maybe he couldn't cope with how bizzare his multifaceted nose is. Poor guy. Not a big fan of too many O.W. movies but he did help write Rushmore.
Now Will Ferrell (or Ben Stiller...) on the other hand,
jpeg 30 Aug 2007
Maybe he couldn't cope with how bizzare his multifaceted nose is. Poor guy. Not a big fan of too many O.W. movies but he did help write Rushmore.
Now Will Ferrell (or Ben Stiller...) on the other hand,
jpeg 30 Aug 2007
Maybe he couldn't cope with how bizzare his multifaceted nose is. Poor guy. Not a big fan of too many O.W. movies but he did help write Rushmore.
Now Will Ferrell (or Ben Stiller...) on the other hand,
jpeg 30 Aug 2007
oouch.
I like OW. but admittingly has has made some crap lately.
I love his work in Royal Tenebaums and Life Aquatic and he seems like a nice guy, but then again I tend to be a little niave.
nora 30 Aug 2007
Hey, Spreadshirt . . . go fuck a dead mouse!
Comments
I can't believe you beat me to it. Jermaine will never love me now.
liz 27 Aug 2007
Carl
I have a coworker who wants one, are you seriously selling them on Ebay...
Nora
Nora 29 Aug 2007
"Also available in children's sizes" LOL
motero 30 Aug 2007
Gonzales Resignation Looms . . .
Now I realize that turnover in the White House is no real measure of anything (Regan had like 18 cabinet resignations during his two terms) but come on.
Comments
I woke to find I live in Bizzaro World
Bush compares Sept. 11th to Pearl Harbor and Marbury "defends" Vick by saying dogfighting is like hunting deer.
Carl-crest OUT!
Comments
Carl,
If your sad and confused about the world,you can always call me on your new iphone shuffle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwnsQpcNvpE
or there is a post somewhere on house 8 with a creepy looking girl asking if your feeling down.
Nora 23 Aug 2007
First Rove, Now This?
Fox News mercifully cancels The Half-Hour News Hour. I'm surprised they recognized their plan wasn't working and have decided to pull out.
Comments
This is Bill Clinton's fault too!
Anne Coulter 19 Aug 2007
un-keyboard
Laser-projected...
fraught with difficulty.
Comments
Perfect for filling out the "thought crime" section of a Minority Report.
Tom Cruise 15 Aug 2007
Man, 56, Ruins Country... Walks Away.
Comments
Seriously, John, are you giving Rove all the credit for the entire fucked up state of the nation for the last six and a half years?
Carl 13 Aug 2007
he got the monkey elected, so I think that there is some merit to that - he was the enabler for the decider and the shooter
cracker 15 Aug 2007
Middle Child Syndrome
Arkansas couple wants to have an 18th child. Come on Andy and Graf. Don't you know it's a race? You actually need to have a total of 36 to make up for all the kiddies I'm not having.
Comments
Where the fuck should I start with this? More idiotic, home schooled, bible-thumping, Southern crackers taxing the planets' resources.
So, from what I understand, the Earths population has more than doubled in the last 40 years. Anyone else see a problem with this trend?
Carl 09 Aug 2007
I just want to know who will clean up the mess when her uterus, ovaries and other female hooha's fall out.
Wasn't there some woman in South America that had like 25 kids?
Nora 10 Aug 2007
I love it when these people who have huge broods break out the old "be fruitful and multiply" chestnut. They are usually the same assholes that believe in "The Rapture" and use every opportunity to bring about a speedy death to the already exhausted rock we live on.
The thought of those 18 kids all eventually driving SUVs to Wal•Mart to feed and cloth their own numerous offspring is horrifying.
Makes me almost wish for a 20+ year war in the Middle East . . . Hello, compulsory military service/herd thinning! Either that or a Pandemic contained in the Bible Belt.
Carl 10 Aug 2007
What's really creepy about this (and there's a lot) is that eldest Jennifer could start poppin' out kids who are peers to their aunts and uncles.
"So, is this your daughter?"
"No, she's my sister."
Wha!?!
Yick.
andrew 10 Aug 2007
There are so many issues that I take with this it boggles my mind. There was a time when a big family was a practical answer to, say, working on a farm . . . but those days are gone
Having a family of that size is this day and age is really out of whack. Where's the logic? It strikes me as gluttonous and, in a weird way, vain.
They probably see themselves as righteous "Christian Soldiers" doing the Lords work by procreating to such a degree. Even scarier, at some point they'll all be of voting age.
Carl 10 Aug 2007
Sheesh, I found it heart-warming. They gave a perfectly sound rationale for having all the babies ("We love the ruffles and lace.") I think you all owe Jennifer, Joshua, John David, Janna, Jill, Jessa, Jinger (!), Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, and Johannah an apology.
jpreg 10 Aug 2007
hey dad, whaddya mean by "make up for all the kiddies I'm not having"? I had such a nice weekend with you, tossing the ball around, having those root beer floats, going to that gay shame parade...
son of jpeg 12 Aug 2007
Insert Joke Here:
Comments
Carl,
Anything I would say about this wouldn't be nearly as funny as your comments.
So comment away.....
Nora 07 Aug 2007
I top-posted so I wouldn't have to say anything clever.
Carl 07 Aug 2007
Well I am not smart enuff to say anything clever. For godsakes look how I spell enough...
Nora 09 Aug 2007
Blecccch....
To paraphrase Winnies game: Would you rather carry your cellphone in your nasty droopy ear holes or be this guy?
(both from gizmodo)
Comments
Maybe that's actually a cell phoned-shaped tumor growing out of that dudes head? Regardless, his Grandma must be so proud of him.
Carl 04 Aug 2007
Can I have my Tango with extra wango?
Two Canucks high schoolers borrowed the technology from Segways to build a one-weeled motorbike they're calling Tango.
Comments
Here's a very similar but much cooler one designed awhile back:
http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/2153/embrio9ka.jpg
And a more "practical" one that's been around since the 1920's:
Future organ donors unite!
Carl 03 Aug 2007
Sorry my html tag didn't work.
liz 04 Aug 2007
Anyone still post here?
Comments
nope
nobody 31 Jul 2007
After that picture, probably not anymore.
Anonymous 31 Jul 2007
How bout it? It's like a Perry Como concert in here. But, who's your cute friend?
jpeg 31 Jul 2007
Let's just say that if Durante were running for President and I had to choose between either him or Rudy Giulianni - in drag - Durante kicks Rudy's ass 7 days a week and twice on Sundays.
Markus Arelius 31 Jul 2007
Is that be the Mrs. Calabash Durante was always saying goodnight to? Scary.
paz 01 Aug 2007
Collision
Two news helicopters from competing stations collided while chasing a fugitive resulting in 4 deaths. The police want criminal charges for the thief in the deaths. Yeah, the schmoe is personally responsible for the media's interest in cheap thrills, and the lack of air control for helicopters.
Meanwhile, secretly... some news exec is wishing he had another sky cam there to film the copter crash. Just think of those ratings.
Comments
And both of those choppers landed on Andy Dick.
Yeah, that's the ticket!
Jon Lovitz 28 Jul 2007
Defies Description
How many times have I thought "I wish I could see 1,500 inmates in a Phillipine prison perform the dance from Thriller (also a Phillipine lady-boy would be nice)"
Well wish no further!
Comments
Hellvis
A robot Elvis head is now available, presumably to address your unmet social needs.
The king, sharing his tasteful pink undercoating with you
Comments
The only real problem I have with this is that it barely looks like Elvis.
Can it sneer as it swallows a handful of pills? If not, what's the point?
Carl 21 Jul 2007
Finally a robot I think I can take in a fight.
As long as he is taking pills, eating alot and can barely move, I think I can beat him...
Nora 25 Jul 2007
Can someone please post something soon. Robotic Elvis really scares me.
Nora 26 Jul 2007
Generation Chickenhawk
Come for The Hammer, stay for the interpretative dance.
Comments
Someone explain John Travolta to me
Is he gay?
Is he a cult member?
Is he talented?
Has he made toupees and beer-guts fashionable?
Really, I'd like to know.
Comments
I believe you'll find the answers you seek in my new book, "Diuretics: The Power of Ur the Elder and other Party Jokes." I'd be happy to send you a copy, if you just send me 10% of your personal wealth.
il_postino 20 Jul 2007
This is an easy one. John Travolta is one big elaborate life support system to sustain a stomach and a chin.
John Travoltas Doctor 20 Jul 2007
Yeah,looking at that picture, its hard to find a reason to like him.
I do think he is talented, and although its about 30 years old, I really have grown to like the movie Grease. Not sure if he is gay and I have gotten beyond critizing Scientology, so I really don't have anything against him.
Go Grease lightening...
Grease fan 25 Jul 2007
British Badgers
Isn't that a rugby club in the Home Counties?
If this isn't the sign that Iraq has fully devolved into some post-apocalyptic Mad Max-esque shitstorm, I don't know what is.
"It’s like some sort of mix between Winnie the Pooh, Rikki Tikki Tavi, and a ball of pure, seething, white hot rage."
Comments
oy vey. These bellicose nuts who believe in supernatural badgers and rule-through-machismo were supposed to know what to do with an abstract concept like democracy? Well done Bushies!
jpeg 14 Jul 2007
What's next, Incendiary War Pigs?
Google it and thank me later. It works on so many levels.
Carl 16 Jul 2007
Now that's what I call Reform
China has executed it's Food & Drug Chief for bringing shame to the country.
Dang.
Defender of heterosexual marriage and (ahem -----> GOP Senator Vitter diddles prostitutes Hope is... rumors that Dick Cheney is on the DC hooker list will prove true.
The pope has called "Bullshit!" on all non-catholic brands of christianity. Well done popey, christian divisiviness is a secular liberal's best friend.
Comments
Dick Cheney having a couple dead hookers in his closet/trunk would be about par for the course.
Carl 10 Jul 2007
What a waste. China executes some dude who took a little payola and lied about some unsafe products that resulted in a few deaths . . . meeting most of the requirements for a position in the Bush cabinet.
Too bad Jebus hates the Red Chinese.
Carl 11 Jul 2007
. . . and don't get me started on that wacky Pope again.
Although, he is finally lumping the Baptists and the Muslims together. A move I totally understand having spent so much time in Alabama.
Carl 11 Jul 2007
Way to go Benedict!
1.) Reinstate the 1965 Latin Mass
2.) Ostendo sum protestor monastica es bovis feces
(Declare protestant religions as "bullshit")
Now, the next 2 steps is easy.
3.) Manufacturer 500,000,000 unique pieces of Jesus' ribs and sell for US$10.00 each to Catholic tourists.
4.) Reinstate selling indulgences to the poor.
Man, you guys are going to be raking it in like never before!
Markus Arelius 11 Jul 2007
Well, for one thing, the days of the high-priced D.C. escorts may go out the window: http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news? Poor Dick.
pid=20601070&sid=a5UWutC09_Xg&refer=home
Markus Arelius 11 Jul 2007
So much for that Democratic gambit Markus, half of them, plus the deciding vote chickened out. It went nowhere after snagging some press; starting to be a pattern. f**king loser-pu**y Dems.
jpeg 12 Jul 2007
Personally, I feel that if an elected official needs to bust a nut in order get on with business . . . fine by me. Prostitution ought to be legal in this country.
Look at Bill Clinton, what's the point in being Prez if you can't get your knob polished in the Oval Office by a plumper. JFK and RFK were banging the same whore as the country cheered them on.
Carl 13 Jul 2007
My gripe is never about adult sexual behavior, just about assholes who advise one thing (the sanctity of marriage, the evils of extramarital sex, condoms, etc.) who are secretly boning prostitutes, 14 year-old girls, altar-boys, puppies, etc.
jpeg 13 Jul 2007
Hypocrisy is the homage which vice pays to virtue. — Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
Carl 14 Jul 2007
Official House 8th Wonder of the World
A Swiss group recently promoted their own "New 7 Wonders of the World" contest and it pretty much fell flat.
Let's hear what modern marvel YOU think deserves to be included.
My vote is for Donald Trump's hair.
Comments
Paula Abdul's career.
liz 10 Jul 2007
Shakira's english dictionary. Chuck Norris's hair-dye.
jpeg 10 Jul 2007
My humps
My humps
My humps my humps my humps
My lovely lady lumps
Fergie 11 Jul 2007
That Fox goes with "FoxNews-Fair and Balanced" or Bill O'Reilly-Your entering the no spin zone.
Thats pretty fucking 8th Wonderish...
Nora 12 Jul 2007
Almost Grown
Don't be the last person on your half of the block to wear a half-beard!
(Uh, this is just for the guys. Ladies are on their own for the next hot fad)
Comments
70 DIFFERENT TYPES OF PORN?
Mitt Romney, who rails against the "cesspool" of pornography, is being criticized by social conservatives who are unhappy that he allows Marriott Hotels to show porn (He's on their board.). "Marriott is a major pornographer. And even though he may have fought it, everyone on that board is a hypocrite for presenting themselves as family values when their hotels offer 70 different types of hardcore pornography" said Phil Burress, president of Citizens for a Tightassed America.
70 types? I think on a good day I could name six. These guys have some sensitively calibrated libidos. Thank Jebuz they're against porn.
But I'd give just about anything to see the big list of conservative porn categories. Since I can't have that list, I'll settle for your guesses.
(For the record I believe it should be legal to shoot anyone who says MINT Romney. There is no f**king N in his 1st name. Ditto for anyone who says punDINTs.)
Comments
If you're really against porn (apart from being dead to me) why make the distinction between the different catagories? Leave it to some crazy religious nut to secularize my smut.
Porn has been around since the dawn of man. If nobody really wanted it, it would have gone away. According to Forbes, the porn industry currently generates about 14 billion dollars annually . . . and it's not going away anytime soon.
Carl 05 Jul 2007
I wonder how much of that 14 billion is generated anally?
*wockawockawocka*
peanut gallery 06 Jul 2007
Happy 4th
Olbermann throws DOWN. Might want to fire-proof your screen. Yowza.
Comments
Nice and preachy. But Bush and Cheney will never step down willingly. So any impeachment nerds might as well forget that possiblity. Bush is a lame duck and will sit back and soak up salary and secret service for the rest of his life. No skin off his nuts.
I don't know what is more sad. The fact that 99% of Mr.Olbermann's tirade is true, or the fact that there are some 28% of the American populace supporting the President and his administration.
Markus Arelius 05 Jul 2007
It doesn't take 28 percent to keep you in power. It takes the complacency and inertia of 72 percent.
jpeg 05 Jul 2007
John, are you including yourself in that flaccid 72 percentile?
Carl 06 Jul 2007
But "King Decider" sounds so much cooler
GW commutes Scooter Libby's prison sentence . . . giving us one more reason to hate his plutocratic ass! I'd say "Off with his head!" but what would be the fucking difference.
Comments
Paul Begala on the Huffington Post today: What does it say about America in the age of Bush when Judith Miller spends more time in jail over the Valerie Plame smear than Scooter Libby?
andrew 03 Jul 2007
If you don't think that Bush the First being Director of the CIA under Ford has anything to do with GW's current attitude and actions, you're kidding yourself.
"We The People" are subjected to an entirely different set of laws and standards when compaired to BUSH CORP. and their ilk.
Carl 03 Jul 2007
I don't understand the criticism of our president in a time of war. He's a righteous man and he knows what's best for our country.
jpeg 03 Jul 2007
And yet we continue to see BushCheney 2000 and W'06 stickers on vehicles all over the place.
I believe it's all a consequence of being a politically apathetic lot. We Americans deserve what we got with Dubbya.
Markus Arelius 04 Jul 2007
I'm in Texas. I see about two pro-Bush stickers a year. Way down.
jpeg 04 Jul 2007
Look at that outrageous markup!
I have to move to Cali, dammit. Looks like they are converting 7-11's to Kwik-E-Marts for the upcoming Simpsons movie - here are some pictures on flickr
Comments
They are converting one 711 to a quckiemark on the southwest side somewhere. Like 63rd and Archer...
nora 02 Jul 2007
6754 W. 63rd Street
Chicago , IL 60638
to be exact.
lizzie 02 Jul 2007
My sister and I my go there tonight, since we are southsiders....
Nora
Nora 03 Jul 2007
Or you could all come visit me in Texas. They have one in Dallas. (Yes, I'll make the 3 hour drive for it.)
Seriously how much are Nora and her sis going to be smiling while they shop for sugar-laced snacks.
jpeg 03 Jul 2007
I went on Tuesday night to the store. There was a line of about 50 people waiting outside. I bought 3 boxes of Krusty o's and 4 cans of Buzz Cola (sorry no Duff)...I ended up spending almost 30 dollars on Simpsons cereal and cola.
And yes Carl, there is a box for you...
If I was smart, I would try and put the pictures I took on here, but I don't exactly know how.
Nora
Nora 05 Jul 2007
W. Post turns on Bush
Long overdue hatchet piece on Bush from the fawning sycophants at Wash. Post
... one senior House Republican who met with Bush recently. ""Our [G.O.P.] members just wish this thing would be over. People are tired of him." Bush's circle remains sealed tight, the lawmaker said. "There's nobody there who can stand up to him and tell him, 'Mr. President, you've got to do this. You're wrong on this.' There's no adult supervision. It's like he's oblivious. Maybe that's a defense mechanism."
"The things that make him unpopular also help him deal with all the pressure," said some other guy. "He's stubborn. He's loyal to his philosophy... This is either extraordinary self-confidence or he's out of touch with reality. I can't tell you which."
No comment -- Jpeg
Comments
I fairly sure that GW is genuinely mentally handicapped and/or heavily medicated.
I'd be very interested in hearing what a licensed head-shrinker sees behind Bush's vacant eyes.
Carl 02 Jul 2007
Ode to Sharon Stone
O Sharon... When I saw your new look the other day, I thought "You are as fresh and unspoilt as the dew on lily. I can hardly spot the collagen in your lips, your septum thinning nosejob, or the red dye in your hair. You are as agless as a prematurely-aging twenty-year-old. You arouse my basic instinct (to hurl)..."
link
Comments
Ok, I'm no fan of Sharon Stone or her "craft" but this shot HAS to be of her in costume/makeup.
Remember in TOTAL RECALL when Arnold shot her in the forehead? Fucking awesome! That and the alien chick with three boobies.
Carl 01 Jul 2007
Nyaaah!
She's playing Sidney Bristow's (much) older coke-addict sister in the upcoming "Alias" movie.
(Shamless, lame "Alias" joke for the only two "Alias" fans left on the planet.)
andrew 01 Jul 2007
Dick Luger Gives Bush The Finger
Sorry, no link to go with this . . . just tired of the old Bjork entry.
Comments
you think YOU were tired of it? whoo boy, imagine what it felt like to POST it and then watch it sit there for a week and a a half
pazen 27 Jun 2007
So, anyway . . . I see Ann Coulter is still insane.
Carl 28 Jun 2007
While I love the picture, no one has made any comments about the big news today....
Look at the big tits on Posh...
nora 28 Jun 2007
We must surely be living in the End Times what with these new/old "Spice Racks" and Paris Hilton getting all philo-ma-sophical in jail.
I'm as ready for The Rapture as I'll ever be.
Carl 28 Jun 2007
The Spice Girls reunion tour that I have prayed so hard for, for so long seems is a done deal. had I hoped they would open for Bjork.
jpeg 28 Jun 2007
Bjork to the future...
Tech Video of the Week
As Bjork continues her world tour, many people have noted the very unusual instrument on stage that looks like a glass table with a number of glowing toys being pushed around.
It is, in fact, an amazing new instrument called the Reactable, that was developed by music engineers in Spain. Like Microsoft's Surface computer, it uses a table-top screen that reacts to touch. But it goes beyond that, turning the complex sound mixing board into an intuitive visual interface.
From Towleroad (Towleroad.com)
Comments
interesting... but it produces no noise I want to listen to for more than 2 seconds.
snarky 17 Jun 2007
This looks like something you'd see in the Korova Milkbar from Clockwork Orange.
Viddy well, my Droogie.
Carl 18 Jun 2007
Oh my virgin ears have been violated. This Dr. Seuss-like mystery contraption must be destroyed.
Markus Arelius 19 Jun 2007
"Has anyone seen my module that makes the MWAAAAH noise? I think I lost it at lunch." [Concert Cancelled!]
jpeg 19 Jun 2007
If this were marketed as a coffee table and the drink coasters were the interactive noisy bits maybe it would seem more practical . . . as it stands, I could never write this off as a business expense.
Carl 20 Jun 2007
I like this - but what did Bjork make of it?
Shit! There's WYSIWYG editing on this blog?
okaycuckoo 23 Jun 2007
More Creationism/Flintstone "clarity"
Fossil of 3,000 pound bird found in Mongolia . . . possible source of Stone Age breakfast?
Comments
Thanks for this post. Cartoons sometimes serve as good comic relief from today's otherwise horrifying truths:
http://www.kxmb.com/News/Nation/132549.asp
Markus Arelius 14 Jun 2007
The people who believe in Creationism are the same people who ingnored the experts on the Middle East who said it was the wrong target.
How can any thinking, reasoning adult actually believe that the earth is only a few thousand years old and that dinosaurs were housepets?
Carl 14 Jun 2007
Not to get off subject...
But you would think giant dinosaur bird egss would feed more then just Fred, I know he is a portly gentleman, but can he really eat that much? And look how skiny Wilma is, I am sure that she doesn't eat that much.
Nora 14 Jun 2007
It's that damn dog, Dino. He gets all of the table scraps that Fred manages to leave behind. Wilma doesn't get sh*%! For that, she reserves the right to nag the poor bastard day and night. You know: "Now, Fred!"
Markus Arelius 14 Jun 2007
Listen, if Fred wants to eat a steak the size of a kiddie pool . . . fine by me. He slaves over a hot brontosaurus down at the gravel pit all day long and deserves to be treated like a king.
I'll bet that back in those days, you could still give your wife a smack in the mouth to set her straight.
Carl 14 Jun 2007
Yeah, but in Wilma's defense, she is at home with a screaming toddler, while Fred gets to play with his rocks all day. Where is the justice in that.
Nora 14 Jun 2007
I am proud to live in the town named after her.
pazen 14 Jun 2007
Everybody knows dinosaur bones and eggs were placed in the fossil record by Satan to trick us into non-believing. As for me, I'm cowering in my pew and praising Jebuz, with mystical incantations.
jbuz 15 Jun 2007
Just when you thought "the internets" were safe. Thank God we have people like Andrew Schlafly setting all you heathens right.
The earth is 10,000 years old. It's says so in Genesis. Any questions?
Gee, the bus to Hades leaves in just 10 minutes. Be sure not to miss it.
Markus Arelius 19 Jun 2007
'Bye, Mom.
Comments
What a sweet picture, Jeff. I'm sure she was as proud of you throughout your life as she was in that moment. She must have been a pretty wonderful person as she raised a great guy.
Lisa 12 Jun 2007
Jeff,
I was going to try and come up with something as sweet and true as what Lisa said, but she pretty much has said everything for me. Even though I only met your mom once, I could tell that she was really happy to have you as a son. The above picture just proves it even more.
Nora 13 Jun 2007
Emerging Weapons Ripped from Porn Plotlines!
A Pentagon secret-weapon program has been disclosed: "The Ohio Air Force lab proposed 7.5 million for research into a bomb that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another." Perhaps as a bonus they'd all go to hell for being gay, leaving heaven for just god-loving heterosexuals.
Ohio is a real center of sexual expertise. This bomb makes perfect sense, since, as in heterosexuality where every woman is attracted to every man (and vice-versa), every gay man must want to do every other gay man. Every gay man craves Colin Farrell, Charles Nelson Reilly AND Bruce Villanch. Chemistry... looks... none of that figures into it.
Ever get the feeling that the ability to think has been bred out of our capitalist paradise?
Comments
I read a pamphlet on this while standing in line at the Creation Museum the other weekend . . . interesting stuff.
The Rapture can't come soon enough for me.
Carl 11 Jun 2007
Man, I would pay money to see Carl in line at a Creation Mueseum exhibit...
Nora 12 Jun 2007
I'd love to go dressed as Barney Rubble . . . can you imagine the great photo opps?
Carl 12 Jun 2007
You could dress as a Flintstones character and call yourself Carl Carlrock or Carl Carlstone...Maybe drive a car using your feet.
nora 12 Jun 2007
Focus people... I need your ideas for my gay bomb!
jpeg 13 Jun 2007
Well the theme song for the Flintstones contains the line "Will Have a Gay old Time"...Does that help?
If your going to make a architecturally sound gay bomb, make sure it has buttresses and things like that.
Boy I sure do get off track easily.
Nora 13 Jun 2007
Could this "gay bomb" be detected by gay-dar?
It sure as hell set my bullshit-o-meter off the dial.
Carl 14 Jun 2007
A girl died from using too much Ben Gay last week. Coincidence?
Jpeg 15 Jun 2007
The littlest house8-er
In case I haven't passed on the news to any of the house8 family, Becky and I have just had our first child, a little baby boy named Jack. He was born in the early morning on memorial day. There's pictures and more over at our baby blog, meetthefullers.com
Comments
I've been waiting for this post . . . you guys must be so proud.
He'll have a bad mustache and a drivers license before you know it.
Carl 11 Jun 2007
Wudda widdle sweetie sweedums... Oy, I can't stand myself around babies. Congrats to you both. Great name. I like the "chillin in the knit cap" pic. (Monday, May 28)
jackpeg 11 Jun 2007
Open Letter
Dear David Chase,
I hold you responsible for my new found penis envy. Because of you I long to grow a c*ck so that I may tell you to "suck it" with all seriousness. Please return the past 7 years of Sunday nights you took from me.
F-you very much,
Elizabeth Herzog.
Comments
Being completely without a media hook-up, I have only heard that people hated the fianle, not what happened. Please explain.
jpeg 11 Jun 2007
Spoilers below.....
I haven't seen the finale either, but they have the last scene on the msnbc website. Basically it ends with the family (Tony,Carmela, AJ and Meadow) meeting at a local family restaurant and eating dinner. You are left wondering if among the fellow restuaranters, there is a hitman who is going to take the family "out". In the background they play the now Chicago White Sox anthem, Journeys "Don't Stop Believing". So basically, its very open ended with no definite closure.
I don't see why fans (ie: Liz) are so upset with the ending. The whole series has never followed one path or made a character completely bad or completely good. I like the idea of Tony and us not knowing whats going to happen.
Nora 11 Jun 2007
I'm a big fan, and I loved it. I thought the whole concept of "it's still happening, you just can't see it" is a brilliant idea. Not to mention, that (meaning nothing) was the ONLY thing I wasn't expecting to happen. I also thought the last 3 minutes was the most tense I've ever felt watching anything. I loved the show, loved the characters, and after thinking about a little, think I've decided I loved the "ending." VIVA LA COSA NOSTRA....
karen 11 Jun 2007
Eh, I liked it. You get to draw your own conclusions. I've noticed over the past couple of episodes that it seems like Chase & Co. have deliberately put characters in situations where any number of outcomes are plausible, and based on the previous arcs of the show, the viewer is just waiting for the inevitable. And then it doesn't happen, but something else does. I was half-expecting Paulie to get whacked at the Bing, but it makes no sense to whack Paulie. He's far more miserable alive.
Hopefully Chase's next show will be all about Agent Harris.
andrew 11 Jun 2007
Unfortuantely I haven't been able to watch the Sopranos for the last 3 years or so (no HBO-so sad)...
The last time I saw it on a regular basis, Adriana started snitching, but hadn't been killed yet and Ralphie may have still been alive (and with a head). I have started to catch up again by watching the reruns on A&E, but it seems very sanitized- no real swearing, no nudity, etc...(if anyone wants to mail me dvd copies of the last 3 seasons, that would be grrrrreat)
I think it was a great show and I think the ending lived up to its history. Now if HBO would finally give fucking Deadwood the right ending. (I netflixed that series)..
nora 11 Jun 2007
Personally, I loved the way this series ended.
I was so not looking forward to a murder montage while the end of "Layla" by Derek and The Dominos played in the background.
***SPOILER***
The formulaic conventions of movie and TV dramas are SO FUCKING LITERAL AND BORING! The fact that everything was left open-ended was a much needed breath of fresh (New Jersey) air.
Carl 11 Jun 2007
Uh - yeah, I liked choose your own adventure books and Mad Libs in 3rd grade. If I was talented enough to write a hit-series like The Sopranos, that's what I would do. Write it. I'm not saying I don't appreciate open-ended ideas in art, but come on! It's a mobster show. I want sex, drugs and violence - not bullshit set-ups for fututre movie deals.
liz 11 Jun 2007
"To whack or not to whack? That is the question."
I'm no writer but it seems like the ending for a crime drama like this would come pretty easy. Bloodbath, twist ending, Tony turns States evidence, cat eats lasagna.
Last nights treatment gave me credit for having seen Goodfellas, The Godfather and Casino like a million times already.
I hope his next project is ROCKFORD FILES:THE MOVIE!
Carl 11 Jun 2007
Well you've all helped me decide. If my Monday job interview doesn't work out, I'm gonna try to get a summer internship with the mob.
jpeg 11 Jun 2007
To Whack! Wacking is always the answer.
liz 12 Jun 2007
To whack; whacking is always the answer.
liz 12 Jun 2007
Thanks Liz for resumbitting your post with the correct spelling. Lingo would be proud.
nora 12 Jun 2007
You're doin' a heckuva job, Rudy
Yowza. Rolling Stone's Matt Taibbi on Bill Maher's favorite cross-dresser.
Comments
Moving to Austin tomorrow
See ya there.
Comments
heads up to jonny-cakes and kristin. briznlad will be heading your way within the next 3-4 months!
liz 01 Jun 2007
heads up to jonny-cakes and kristin. briznlad will be heading your way soon!
liz 01 Jun 2007
I'm only here for two and a half, biz-natch. Get down here.
jpeg 01 Jun 2007
briznlad can come down and hang with OR without jonny-cakes. we would love to see you guys. I'll start stretching out my liver.
can't wait!
kristin 04 Jun 2007
Dr: "I'm sorry to tell you Miss, you have an extremely obscure disease with a very silly name."
An Italian doctor has reconstructed vaginas for two women born with a rare congenital deformation, using their own cells to build vaginal tissue in the lab for the first time. The two gals had Mayer-Von Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser Syndrome which results in a serious lack of (censored), and often an inability to remember the name of your disease.
I can't wait to see the script for that movie of the week.
Can you imagine if this new technology falls into the wrong hands?
Please consider donating your unused hoo-hah to someone who hasn't got one.
Comments
Your new vagina looks like a wizards sleeve.
Bored At 30 May 2007
If you think you're at risk, visit mayervonrokitanskykusterhausersyndrome.com for more information.
jpeg 30 May 2007
Does my new vagina make me look fat?
Nora 31 May 2007
Who's Speciaaaaal?
NPR Morning Edition, May 30, 2007 · "Companies are hiring consultants to help manage the "over praised" Me Generation who've been told ad nauseum that they're special, but turn out not to be in the workplace. The result?
- Kudos for showing up to work on time!
- Awards for getting a report in!
- Forget Employee of the Month — how about Employee of the Day!
Some managers are resistant, saying the only praise they ever got was a paycheck."
Worth a listen, if only for the absurdity.
...for Liz, and the 23 year-olds under her that are beside themselves when they're told something has been done wrong.
Comments
Praise them daily, pay them weekly . . . very weekly.
Dean Hardknocks 30 May 2007
I just helped my 22 yr old intern land her first full time job after college with a company I freelance for. She actually complained to me about their ridiculous first offer of $37K. (!) She told them that was barely enough to live on and they bought it. WTF have I been doing wrong?!? Someone give me a gold star for this post and tell me I'm pretty, okay?
liz 30 May 2007
How about giving employees free tickets to the new Creation Museum which opened on May 28th!?
Don't mind those foreign journalists laughing at you for entering.
ou can get all of the historical praise you want, but don't forget to praise the Lord. He should get employee of the week every week - after all he created the world 6000 years ago in just 7 days!!! Yeehaw!
http://news.cincypost.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070529/NEWS01/705290355
Markus Arelius 30 May 2007
Granted this is ancient history, Liz, but it took me about 12 years to get from minimum wage to the measly 37K your intern scoffed at.
I'm still under the impression that you have to pay your dues and prove your value before you go around demanding big bucks for a position you may or may not be suited for. Let me quantify this my saying that I've never been fired, laid off or even demoted.
Just trying to keep it real.
Carl 30 May 2007
Carl: "...I've never been fired, laid off or even demoted."
You're just not applying yourself. People put in years of hard work for a good demotion.
Jpeg 30 May 2007
Don't we have a war going on to thin this generation out???
Nora 30 May 2007
There was a news item last week titled "30 Year Old Men not as Wealthy as their Fathers Were." Apparently salary deflation only happens to men. Pretty sexist story for this late in the game. And yesterday the new conservative, business-friendly Supreme Court dictated that if you received less pay than your male co-workers for the same work you get only 180 days to file a suit.
jpeg 30 May 2007
When I was listening to this piece, I noted that esteem that comes from external (& meaningless) praise is decidedly not SELF-esteem.
jpeg 30 May 2007
Re: "30 Year Old Men not as Wealthy as their Fathers Were"
When you consider the poor quality of, say, new home construction . . . what you CAN buy with an enemic wage/US dollar is scarcely worth having.
Carl 30 May 2007
I actually don't think this story JPEG mentioned about 30 year old men is sexist.
The baby boomers are the first real generation to have women working, so we as the generation after that, probably make more money then they did....Now the next generation after ours most likely will not make more, but with the on going war and global warming, hopefully that generation will be thinned out a little and then there will be less poor complainers.
Yeah and I saw that article about the Supreme Court decision....Wish someone would thin that court out after 2008.
Nora 30 May 2007
3 words: appointed... for... life. You thought I was just being my usual complainy self when liberals paid no attention while Alito was being confirmed. Nope. That was the last chance to prevent a neocon dynasty at the top of the food-chain. It was a major moment that no one noted. Everything from wages to impeachment has to go through the Supes. Oh well, see you in 2029.
jpeg 30 May 2007
Did I miss something, what does "appointed for life" have to do with this topic?
Maybe you have France on the brain and envision yourself on the receiving end of a CDI?
Carl 31 May 2007
ouch.
Nora wrote: "Yeah and I saw that article about the Supreme Court decision....Wish someone would thin that court out after 2008."
How do we so frequently end up back at french-bashing, and me being the proxy for France? Quelle est le problem? I smack you with a wedge of bris and challenege you to a duel.
monsieur_jpeg 01 Jun 2007
Magically Delicious (Part 2)
Remember that goofy loooking bastard Condi Rice picked as her 2nd in command back in 2005? Bush is making him Wolfowitz' replacement at the World Bank.
Comments
Well, if Gw's other appointments serve as any unit of measure . . . this dude will be lucky to find himself working as a washroom attendant within six months.
Carl 29 May 2007
Frankly, my dear, they're magically delicious.
Red Butt-Burglar 29 May 2007
Eiwwww....
Whats the deal with his eyebrows and is he trying to grow a mustache or not.
Bush is really scrapping the bottom of the barrell when it comes to nominees.
Nora 30 May 2007
Sadly, although the neo-cons are dropping like flies, their salaries are generally going up after their long-delayed resignations. Humiliation is temporary. The private sector pays better.
jpeg 30 May 2007
Charles Nelson Reilly
has shuffled off this mortal coil. I might not have posted this but I know Carl found him pretty compelling.
Here's some old Match Game footage:
Bossy
Snotty
As a bonus Edna Crabopple (Simpsons) is in both vids.
Comments
no one knows this, but Chuck was Simon Cowell's daddy... 'cept Simon is rich as astronauts, and his Pop worked for scale
paula abdul 28 May 2007
The thought of Charles fathering a child, any child, is beyond laughable.
Goodbye, Mr. Reilly. You'll be missed by some.
Carl 28 May 2007
Good riddance you sterotypical old queen!
Jim J. Bullock 29 May 2007
Reilly said that appearing on gameshows ruined his acting career. I'm sure that's what stopped the usual steady flow of scripts with terrific parts for over-the-top spastics with giant glasses. He was no Jack Lemmon. ha ha.
If it weren't for stereotypical queens, gay people would still just be a group to be kicked around. It wasn't toe-the-line, straight acting closet cases that changed the equation, just ask Richard Chamberlain.
jpeg 29 May 2007
I never gave it much thought but I guess you could call CNR, Paul Lynde and Wayland Flowers "pioneers".
Carl 29 May 2007
I love all those old game shows where they smoke on set.
Who is Paul Lynde and Wayland Flowers and for that matter Richard Chamberlain (oh wait he's the guy from that mini series in the early 80s about the priest who falls in love)
Mourning in my own way... 29 May 2007
Paul Lynde is probably best known as "Uncle Arthur" from the original Bewitched series . . . he was frequently center square on the old Hollywood Squares show among other things.
Wayland Flowers had an act with this bizarre "Madame" puppet in the 70's . . . it defies a simple explanation. Google it.
Carl 29 May 2007
Googling leads to many many troubling facts...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayland_Flowers
I vaguely remeber this from the 1970s. It seems like something I might see on the Love Boat or something like that. It also looks if some reason I didn't get enough of "Madame", there was a rivival show last year.
nora 29 May 2007
For 30 years starting in the 20s the only obviously gay character to be allowed onscreen was the sissy. Flamers turned out to be better than nothing. Other gay characters are coded (Peter Lorre in Maltese Flacon rubs the handle of his cane near his mouth, Mrs. Danvers in Rebecca is a little too interested in Rebecca's underwear drawer.) Actual real world gays were either neutered or straightened by the time their bio movies came out.
From 1960 to about 1980 gays started to appear but only if they killed themselves in the last reel (you know because even they know they're loathsome), or if they were beaten and killed because they were of course, a psychotic killer.
A fine tradition w/o any lasting effect on the culture I'm sure...
jpeg 29 May 2007
I'm not sure that the "liberal medias" version of gays in sitcoms (for example) over the last 30+ years is really all that positive either.
Is there such a thing as a good stereotype?
Carl 29 May 2007
No, of course sterotypes are never good but becasue the commericial endorsements are more important than educating the masses writers are forced to create these sugar coated pills that help us "dumb Americans" swallow new ideas. Take the mammy-type characters, Amos & Andy and that loathesome Jack from Will & Grace. (Well, I hope we put him in the same catagory soon.)
liz 30 May 2007
Conversation
(Names have been changed to protect the paycheck.)
K: I hate working on Disney shit cause they name stuff "Soft and fuzzy pooh!"
J: Oh that's nasty
Comments
Well I am stumped on who these mysterious people are.
Is it Ken Brockman and Jesus?
Nora
Nora 25 May 2007
reminds me of a true story about Cap'n Crunch cereal when anne worked on it - someone in her group came up with a new tag line: "Crunchy, but Fun!" get it? say that fast a few times and you will...
pazen 25 May 2007
Mmmmm... Crunchy butt fun!
Homer Seckshull 26 May 2007
I'd like a socially conservative Dirty Sanchez...
The conservative military blog Rollcall.com has leaked this titillating little morsel:
"Vice President Cheney isn’t not on the phone records of the alleged D.C. Madam," the accused madam’s lawyer said on Tuesday.
Let's see what happens with this one. It would certainly explain why the 20/20 story fizzled. I'm controlling my glee, because this blind item is just too coy to enjoy any real schadenfreude.
Comments
Christian al Quaida
Look at how the supposedly liberal media soft-peddles what this religious cretin did.
Story
"A Virginia State Police bomb squad was summoned to ensure the items were safe," some guy said.
Oh these were safe bombs? Note, they're not bombs, they're "items."
"Anytime you have somebody with what appears to be explosive devices, you have to take that threat seriously," said that guy.
...preparing not to take it seriously, because only Muslim explosives are bad.
Shouldn't we be at level orange? Reminder: John Walker Lyndh? 20 years in prison! It will be interesting to compare and see how the sword doesn't cut both ways.
AP caption: I'm jess glad mah parents brawt me up raht, cuz mah magicul buh-leef system is better than all y'allz... and mah bahmbs ur raht-chuss!
Comments
Ah, yes. He's ready to commit murder in the name of God . . . bomb those non-believers into submission.
This Western version of religious fanaticism is nothing like that in the Middle East.
Carl 23 May 2007
HAHAHAHAHA. He talks just like Gomer Pyle from the "Andy Griffith Show" reruns!
MarkusArelius 23 May 2007
I think all our Texas friends on the board should just be glad that this crazy ass scheme didn't happen in Texas....
Fat fuckers/Texas politicians fucking their children, Dads microwaving babies (and mom blaming it on Satan) and nurses using arson to get out of their work is enough!!!
nora 23 May 2007
Funeral for Christian whacko disrupted by Christian whackos...
Christ's followers have disrupted Jerry Falwells funeral with a car full of anti-protestor bombs. (...titter!) Don't ask. When contacted later, Christ went on record saying "I can't stand these @ssh*les, but they won't stop following me. I'm sorry I ever started this cult."
Interestingly, the entire deeply moral & pious G.O.P. have failed to show up at the blessed reverend's funeral.
The overlooked lesson of Falwell's exit? He was surrounded by thousands of people, but God waited till he was alone to knock him off, so noone could help him. Interesting.
& Here in Texas this week a 19 year old father put his baby in a microwave and plead "Not Guilty", of course, because "Satan told him to do it."
Above image available as a t-shirt from TshirtHell.com
Comments
If it wasn't for this mans crusade against porn, it would never have gotten to be the 10+ billion dollar industry it is today.
Thanks, Jerry.
Carl 23 May 2007
Sheesh, that picture of Fallwell! Ahh God, where's my hammer and wooden stake!!
MarkusArelius 23 May 2007
Kristin would like credit for sending me the link to this t-shirt. Here's yur f****ing credit, bee-yotch.
jpeg 24 May 2007
Bad Monkey!
Comments
That is the cutest picture of monkey/bringer of chaos that I have seen in awhile.
I love monkeys.... 22 May 2007
The ape in the picture is thinking "I can't wait for some asshole to eat my brain, I have Spongiform Encephalopathy!".
Carl 22 May 2007
Thanks. I had to work with him for hours to get that expression. Today I have a cough and dark black spots all over me.
jpeg 22 May 2007
Politician Molested his Foster-children
The news
While Senator Ted Klaudt was preaching the moral superiority of the far right, he was sexually assaulting children; his own foster daughters and 2 pages! He was just arrested.
Do you really have to ask which party he's from?*
The bigger news
We had a senator with this fashion-sense and I failed to mock him? ...I'm slipping.
We had a senator this ridiculous and people thought he WASN"T a perv?
(*Repuglican)
Comments
In other Texas news:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/05/20/baby.in.microwave.ap/index.html
Texas, it just gets crazier and crazier.....
nora 21 May 2007
Prison has much to offer the convicted child molester . . . here's hoping that Teddy gets a couple hundred lessons on being the object of unwanted sexual advances.
Carl 21 May 2007
Another fine neocon...
...struck down in the prime of his corruption...
tsk tsk.
Wolfy will resign this afternoon.*
(*abcnews)
Comments
The Europeans have a right to be pissed off at Wolfowitz, but I think they should get off their moral high-horse when it comes to corruption at the WorldBank. It's not like Wolfowitz was the first to pay his girlfriend a salary over there.
Why don't they just send an internal memo? It could read something like this:
"Dear Fellow Employees of the Corrupt WorldBank,
In case any of you are wondering the answer is:
No, it's not OK to pay your girlfriend a six-figure salary and pretend she's a legitimate employee of the WorldBank.
Thank you for your attention to this request.
Now back to work!"
See! Easy!
MarkusArelius 16 May 2007
say, what's the deal with multiple entries and replies on house 8 today, house 8 today, house8 today?
klaus 16 May 2007
Guess Wolfy resigned late yesterday....
He's not gonna get any lovin' tonight from the girlfriend who he basically said was too hot tempered to deal with.
Nora 18 May 2007
WTF
Original Caption: "Nathan Morris, a Liberty University senior, reacts during a prayer for the Rev. Jerry Falwell."
Revised Caption: "Nathan Morris, wearing a shirt from a company that uses overt homo-eroticism to market clothes to closet-case "straight" boys, weeps in abject confusion over why he's an anti-gay christian."
Comments
Best. Caption. Evar.
Comic Book Guy 17 May 2007
Au revoir!
Jerry Falwell has, at long last, been called home to Satan.
The intolerant and ignorant man died "from a severe bowel obstruction"*. Please supply your own joke.
Thank you, "god!" Pardon my jubilance, and please take Pat Robertson too!
Please, please, please...
*wikipedia
Comments
Regarding 9/11. “I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen.’”
"Labor unions should study and read the Bible instead of asking for more money. When people get right with God, they are better workers."
Regarding public schools, "I hope to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we don't have public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them."
“AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.”
"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."
the good reverend jpeg 15 May 2007
Who'd have thought that Larry Flint would (sorta) out live this guy?
I sure hope he believed in the correct God.
Carl 15 May 2007
Tinky-winky is gay! Ernie & Bert are lovers!
Jerry from the grave 15 May 2007
It's tempting to want to dance on the guys grave already. But sadly, there are many more religious right knuckleheads in the United States of America to take Falwell's place, and all possess a warped view of the world.
Did you know that Falwell's Liberty University (Lynchburg, VA) claims to hold a 6,000 year old dinosaur bone? This means that they believe that dinosaurs and humans occupied the earth simultaneously. There are thousands of students earning degrees in God knows what at Liberty who firmly believe this to be true.
What's more delusional individuals like this were, and still are being appointed to influential positions in Washington D.C. within in the Bush Administration. Harriet Myers anyone? John Ashcroft?
Dammit, will this American-idol-watching ever wake up!
And Bush supporters wonder where all of the vitriol comes from. It's not from gays and feminists. It's secularist America - the 20th century Jeffersonians.
It's not that Christians don't believe in Evolution, it's that they are brainwashed as to the consequences of not believing in it, i.e. certain eternal fire and damnation.
Hatred for secularists and the scientific illiterification of America - those will be Falwell's legacy.
And get ready because it is only going to get worse once Bush is out of office:
http://www.creationmuseum.org/
MarkusArelius 15 May 2007
"Creation Museum" sounds like a hoot! I've always wanted to visit the Flinstones.
Oh, and Pat Robertson STILL has over 150 graduates from his "law school" peppered throughout the Bush Administration.
Carl 15 May 2007
Hi I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such films as "School Massacre" and "School Massacre 2: the Dumbening!"
Tennessee teachers fake a gunman incident, you know, for education purposes.
Comments
Ya gotta love the South.
Carl 14 May 2007
I realize...
...that posting this link requires an explanation of how I stumbled across it, but really anything you can dream up is better than the actual story:
CLOWN
POSSE
The following porn-clown names are retired & will live in infamy: Knockers the clown, Achtung the clown, Destructo the clown & Flambeau the cow. Choose something else.
Comments
Achtung! That's Achtung! der Klown!
Achtung! 11 May 2007
I'm no prude but this crosses the line . . . not the only line, but a line nonetheless.
Carl 11 May 2007
I had a recurring, horribly vivid dream when I was a child in which clowns on rollerskates killed my mother. Needless to say I hate clowns. If I had seen this at that time I would be far more damaged than I am now. And that says a lot. F'd up.
I also hate mascots, so the whole "furry" fetish thing really creeps me out.
il_postino 12 May 2007
I had a recurring, horribly vivid dream when I was a child in which clowns on rollerskates killed my mother. Needless to say I hate clowns. If I had seen this at that time I would be far more damaged than I am now. And that says a lot. F'd up.
I also hate mascots, so the whole "furry" fetish thing really creeps me out.
il_postino 12 May 2007
This Clown Porn site makes my erotic mime site look like crap....
nora 15 May 2007
You've got to be kidding.
Ex-nurse Misty Ann Weaver, winner of April's Worst Employee of the Month Award, who hatched a zany plan to cover up a missed deadline at work by setting a fire that killed three people, has been released prior to her trial with an ankle bracelet that allows her to go to church (bless her heart!) or, as the article notes, "go to interviews." !?
If you have anything that needs burning at work, co-workers you need dispatched, or if you just want to drop her a line explaining how your work ethic differs slightly from hers, Misty can apparently be reached at:
Misty Weaver
5403 Beverlyhill Street
Houston, TX 77056
Comments
Give this waste of human flesh a flat-top and ship her ass over to Iraq.
Carl 07 May 2007
Back in the day, we'd just stone her to death.
Old Testament God 08 May 2007
D-d-d-did you say, "ex-nurse"!? Ahhhhhhhhhh!
MarkusArelius 08 May 2007
VistaPrint = Scammers
VistaPrint are a bunch of douchebag scammers.
Have I mentioned that VistaPrint are scammers?
If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck. It's a fucking duck.
Hey look! VistaPrint are scam artists!
Comments
So what does this new appliance (The douchebag scanner) do? I'd like to pre-order two of them. Thanks for this great offer.
dbag 07 May 2007
Birdbrain of Alcatraz
Luckily for Paris, they don't execute retards in California.
Comments
Motero loves Paris H and thinks she's hot. Just kidding. If I recall correctly he was the frist guy I ever knew who thought she was stupid looking.
jpeg 07 May 2007
That's Hot.
motero 08 May 2007
Was that a photo of her reaction of the verdict?
Jesus, it's only 45 days, not a life sentence.
For placing the entire Los Angeles county road system in peril by her drunk driving, she got off light. Should have thrown the book at her bird-like face and given her 6 months!
MarkusArelius 08 May 2007
That shot is of Paris "acting" in that piece of shit HOUSE OF WAX remake.
Carl 08 May 2007
If I believed in Hell . . .
this man would be there having miles of white-hot barbed wire pulled through his urethra right now.
Comments
Jack Valenti, right????
Nora 03 May 2007
Correct.
Carl 03 May 2007
Ow!
Jackie V. 04 May 2007
Ladies and Gentlemen...
I give you
catsthatlooklikehitler.com
Comments
Grad school has given you alot of freetime, hasn't it Johnny?
Nora 01 May 2007
Google "Art Spiegelman, MAUS" and thank me when you see me next.
Carl 01 May 2007
Oh, good call Carl. I can see that.
jpeg 01 May 2007
Articles of Impeachment
IMPEACH this miserable, human-hating, blood-clot filled piece of garbage.
Read the bill here.
The best thing for politics in this country would be a vice-president (and then W) in prison.
Impee-yotch the Bee-yotch.
thank you
Comments
Um, wouldn't this leave G-Dummy totally in charge?
But seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if Cheney actually masterminded the recent Virginia Tech shooting/distraction. I've already heard that shooter Cho has a sister who's a CIA opperative and that he was shot in the back. Phone records have already tied the Cho family to the Bush Administration and the White House is getting ready to push forward on some new "laws" aimed at detaining dangerous people/mentally ill.
Carl 25 Apr 2007
dumb signs
Comments
it should b a circle
fff 25 Feb 2008
lol i wonder if it has somthing on the other side? probly not lol i wonder y thay made it? idk but it is so stupit
j0m0111 30 May 2008
lol i wonder if it has somthing on the other side? probly not lol i wonder y thay made it? idk but it is so stupit
j0m0111 30 May 2008
lol i wonder if it has somthing on the other side? probly not lol i wonder y thay made it? idk but it is so stupit
j0m0111 30 May 2008
lol i wonder if it has somthing on the other side? probly not lol i wonder y thay made it? idk but it is so stupit
j0m0111 30 May 2008
lol i wonder if it has somthing on the other side? probly not lol i wonder y thay made it? idk but it is so stupit
j0m0111 30 May 2008
lol i wonder if it has somthing on the other side? probly not lol i wonder y thay made it? idk but it is so stupit
j0m0111 30 May 2008
lol i wonder if it has somthing on the other side? probly not lol i wonder y thay made it? idk but it is so stupit
j0m0111 30 May 2008
omg i luv it that is sumthin i wud do...i mean im not that stupid but it would be so cul to see peoples reactions
kayla 23 Jul 2008
omg i luv it that is sumthin i wud do...i mean im not that stupid but it would be so cul to see peoples reactions
kayla 23 Jul 2008
"I Wish I'd Never Seen your Skyscraper!*"
Nothing says great architcture like a guy fondling his tower. Calatrava got the go-ahead for this drillbit from Chicago planners today.
"Do you like-a my big tall building?"
*actual bad line from The Fountainhead.
Comments
loooooooove it! Ostentatious is good... designing a building for its surroundings pointless, and it would require an architect to think.
blair kamin 20 Apr 2007
Is that a giant, silver, bull penis or are you just happy to see me?
Carl 21 Apr 2007
I guess to continue with Carl's penis talk, aren't skyscrappers nothing but big, shiny metal penises...
Nora 23 Apr 2007
Fake buddhist throws gasoline on anti-Americanism bonfire
Richard, do us all a favor and stick to interspecies romances.
Comments
If a Don Imus falls in the woods . . .
How is it that this mummified faux-cowboy corpse still has a job to go to?
Comments
This is a super-fun-time read. Of course it's nothing new or surprising; nonetheless very depressing and sad.
Media Matters - It's Not Just Imus
andrew 15 Apr 2007
Next stop, Rush Limbaugh.
Carl 15 Apr 2007
Things you should do at home.
So I make it to the gym for the first time in I don't know how long and I walk into the locker room. In the mirrored sink area just off from the lockers some guy is standing shaving his junk with an electric razor. No lie. WTF? Did he want to save on the electricity by not shaving at home? Did he just want people to watch? When I told Wendy about it she begged me to point him out if I ever saw him again around Oak Park, but to be honest I really didn't get that good a look at his face. He would have to be nude and shaving his balls for me to recognize him. Can you imagine that in a police line-up? Why does it not surprise me that you can?
Comments
I think he was shaving "at home" if you get my drift. wink wink.
Part of the fun of this new byline-less format, is that now we get to guess who wrote this, and got an eyeful at the gym. I'm going with... that guy from Nonagon (which I pronounce "No noggin").
P.S. Never ask to borrow his shaver.
not mollusk 11 Apr 2007
Tim, maybe that guy had a gay porn shoot to get to after his workout?
I don't know about you, but I just can't get a close enough shave on my sack with an electric razor.
Dirk Diggler 11 Apr 2007
That goes far beyond what I find gross that people do in public (clipping their finger nails)....
I tried to post the picture of Stewie Griffin from the Family Guy shaving his "coin purse", but didn't know how!!
ewwww....
Nora 11 Apr 2007
dude, you have GOT to stop drinking at the fish during bidness hours! You SURE you were at the gym? I hope you didn't fall into "Big Leggy's Man Palace" again...
jimrat 11 Apr 2007
Tim, chill out, man... Ranieri used to do that all the time at the health club near nvu. everyone knew that, and no one ever blogged about it! go easy on him, I think forni told him something about the "carpet matching the drapes" and baldy acted on it...
the rupp 11 Apr 2007
Oh, how I wish I hadn't read your post.
I cannot get the horrid vision out of my mind.
And now I'm afraid to go to the YMCA changing rooms for fear this dude, or someone like him might show up with the same motivation...
MarkusArelius 16 Apr 2007
um.
This clip needs no introduction. Ok then.
Comments
I'd rather sit through 90 minutes of that . . . the upcoming Simpsons movie looks like crap.
Carl 10 Apr 2007
"el yoyo es mui grande"
beeman 10 Apr 2007
who cares about the simpsons movie with the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film upon us?
pazen 13 Apr 2007
Daily Tee-Hee
Comments
Oh My G....
Although I've been pretty shocked by a number of stories* since my return from France, Keith Richards snorting his father's ashes takes the gold medal.
It's one thing to snort your father ashes. It's another thing to feel so few of society's constraints that you care-freely release this as a press item.
* specifics to follow...
Comments
Well, he CLEARLY has some type of "living dead" superpowers. I guess bathing in the blood of virgins is passé.
Carl 04 Apr 2007
I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD, KIETH . . . THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
The Highlander 04 Apr 2007
Hey, man . . . imagine how wasted you'd get if you snorted Keith Richards ashes!
Tommy Chong 04 Apr 2007
Oooo, aren't we a touchy little superpower?
File under: "nonsensical foreign policy / schizophrenia" or "chickens coming home to roost"
Comments
you miss the point, frenchie, might means right, and right means never having to say you're sorry...
cracker 01 Apr 2007
I get what your driving at but if these were US contractors/mercinaries and not Brit Squids we'd be watching the beheading videos in abject horror.
Carl 02 Apr 2007
And also, using any type of detained troops as propaganda tools is a violation of the UN.
I am not sure if these soliders were in Irans water or not, but there shouldn't be any videos of them on line or in the news.
nora 02 Apr 2007
read this: Call that humiliation?
pazen 03 Apr 2007
Listen, you're all being way too harsh on the United States with your criticism.
Actually, we Americans should be praised for putting behind us that favorite past time of shooting down domestic airliners that are by some strange chance flying over international waters:
http://www.history.com/exhibits/military_blunders/mb_iasd.html
MarkusArelius 03 Apr 2007
Rectum? Damn near killed 'um!
Comments
Brits, prepare to spit-take your Earl Grey:
Comments
That doesn't really look like wanking... unless I'm doing it wrong.
Mr America 29 Mar 2007
More Comic Boners
Comments
Ahhhh.....Racist/Stereotypical comic strips, what a perfect way to spend a monday morning.
Nora 26 Mar 2007
Today's Tee Hee:
Comments
"..and he forgot all about the dip of Copenhagen chew between his cheek and gum. Would she notice the flavor? What if she swalled a flake....?"
Pardon me for asking, but where in the hell do you find these delicious comic book tracks!!
Sheer genius!
MarkusArelius 25 Mar 2007
I make it my business to accumulate these comic morsels . . . and business is good.
Carl 26 Mar 2007
Daily Knee-Slapper
Comments
Nancy's skirt looks a little "north of the knees" if you know what I mean.
I don't know why I find this funny, I just do.
Nora 22 Mar 2007
LOL "north of the knees".
My question is, what's with Spike's "hair plugs"?
MarkusArelius 22 Mar 2007
Isn't Nancy supposed to be like a 2nd rate Little Orphan Annie or Shirley Temple from the 1930's....
Maybe Spike is just to poor to have hair! He does have a patch on his elbow.
Where is are Friday knee slapper???
Nora 23 Mar 2007
Nancy an Sluggo ROCK!
These two were punks and I do mean PUNKS! Sluggo was kind of a skinhead and Nancy is totally an Alt chick who'd probably be down with whole Suicide Girls scene.
Sluggo with a KNOB on his face? That's just comedy gold!
Carl 23 Mar 2007
Guess I now know whats under Nancy's mini mini....
http://www.joebrainard.org/If_Nancy_Was_a_Boy.htm
nora 23 Mar 2007
AhhhhhhhhhhH!
MarkusArelius 25 Mar 2007
Amen.
Comments
"imagine where we'll be in six months."
Um, you want an answer? How about going blind on paperwork and bogged down in so many investigations in an election year your Washington head will be spinning like a top!
Problem is, Democrats are hardly lily white going into 2008. The complicity with business interest groups will also be exposed.
Personally, I can't help but yawn at all of the so called investigations of the Republicans.
Is this the part where I'm supposed to be shocked?
No, I say.
A bigger problem for the Congress and new president will be the economic implosion happening all around us by end of 2007.
The declining value of the U.S. dollar, inflation uncurbed, national debt out of control without a balanced budget, record foreclosures and bankruptcies and by June the highest summer unemployment rate since Bush sr. was in office.
Oh, but yeah - Boy, thank God you have those subpoenas. They're going to do a world of good for the country when China takes our place in the rankings!
It's too late. Barn doors have been open way too long already.
Markus Arelius 19 Mar 2007
Take my husband witha grain of salt. If he needs a reason, saving the constitution from further traitorous despots should be sufficient, or even revenge. Better 6 years followed by subpoenas/resignations than 8 years followed by nothing.
Mrs. Markus Aurelius 19 Mar 2007
Chimp Kills Giant Squid With Spear!
Just checking to see it anyone reads these anymore.
But seriously, news about the animal kingdom has been weird the past few days.
Comments
Who love ya', baby?
Insert vaudeville-styled Uncle Fester or Sinéad O'Connor joke here.
Comments
K-luv cut B.S. some slack early in her career. I didn't. But I'm more apt to lighten my ridicule of her now... I stopped mocking her back around the dissolution of her marriage. Yeah she's dumb generally; she's dumb specifically (How does any intelligent person imagine that a marriage to a loser like Federline has any potential?) and K-Fed is dumb, but she's disintegrating in front of us.
Now she's wealthy, but she has no education and she has no skillset for handling her problems. Now take all those deficits and then have your problems play out on T.V. in front of a a nation that's fallen in love with ridiculing you. No thanks.
maybeJpeg 18 Feb 2007
The average person could live to be 300 years old and still not have (and piss away) the good fortune this chicks had in her short life.
I'm sure she'll find Jesus next or some such nonsense.
Carl 18 Feb 2007
Natalie Portman in "V for Vendetta", right?
Markus Arelius 18 Feb 2007
She is wealthy. ...and she is lost. There's more pitiable evidence of her breakdown today with her enraged pix at Federlines house last night.
http://x17online.com/celebrities/britney_spears/x17_xclusive_britney_rages.php
jaypeg 22 Feb 2007
there it is (the incident that her recent problems suggested was coming): http://entertainment.iafrica.com/news/653890.htm
jpeg 06 Mar 2007
Douchenozzle in Miami tries to trademark "Obama bin Laden"
Feel free to email him.
alexandre.batlle@gmail.com
Comments
Maybe they put her down?
Ya know, like Barbaro?
Comments
I just want to get my claim in that I'm the actual father of little Danielynn "billionaire" Smith. Pay no attention to Zsa Zsa Gabors husband.
jpeg 10 Feb 2007
I've reconsidered. Clearly Pastor Ted is the father of Smith's baby. He's so heterosexual.
jpeg 12 Feb 2007
Not just dead on the inside.
Comments
Newly wealthy starlet (piglet) and her heir dead of overdoses within 5 months of each other? Call the D.A., and check the triple-check the alibis of the ex-in-laws.
Pastor Ted 09 Feb 2007
Wowwee Pator Ted,
What's it like to live a life without compassion or sympathy? The Grey Poupon commercial actor died to, you wanna make fun of him to?
Nora 12 Feb 2007
Viagra to sponsor Van Halen '08 tour!
Diamond Dave is back for this summers' tour!
See you in the wristband line.
Comments
Van Halen, Live!
SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!
Special Guest Stars:
Peter, Paul & Mary
Markus Arelius 18 Feb 2007
What the fuck is this country coming to?
Comments
Pic of one of the 'suspect' devices. Looks like a pared-down Lite Brite.
andrew 01 Feb 2007
These two deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for the absurd haircut press conference they held today. There is nothing like absurdity in the face of stupid, powergrabbing rulers and media.
jpeg 01 Feb 2007
I will be wearing my vivid green Mooninite t-shirt (a gift from Carl Carlson) all day tomorrow in tribute to Boston meatheadiness.
jpeg 01 Feb 2007
Turner Broadcasting prematurely agreed to pay the $500,000 pricetag for Boston's boondoggle a few days ago. Within 24 hours the media changed the price to $750,000. Today's news is that TBS will pay the $2,000,000 cost of Boston's anxiety attact.
Boston's stupidity is paying out. Maybe everyone should flake.
flakey mcflakeflake 05 Feb 2007
Go Bears!
It's still early in the AFC Championship game between the Patriots and the Colts, but if the Patriots win, I think I'm gonna have to go live in a cave for two weeks to escape the avalanche of comparisons between Super Bowl XX and Super Bowl XLI.
UPDATE: It's the Colts, overcoming the largest deficit in NFL Conference Championship history, coming from 18 down to beat the Patriots. This also means it's Lovie vs. Dungy, who are very close friends from their days in Tampa. Peyton and all his goddamned audibling vs. Urlacher, Briggs, Anderson, Brown, Ogunleye, et al. This is gonna be good.
In the meantime, everybody sing! The Bears are going to the Super Bowl!
Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down.
Comments
Awesome! I can already smell the puke and urine in front of my building.
Carl 21 Jan 2007
I can smell the puke and urine down there, and from 16 miles away. ahhhh, bears fans, so stupid...
pazen 21 Jan 2007
maybe we can raise some cash for chico to get a decent haircut before the big game... jeebus, is he hitting the military base barber up at Great Lakes?
pazen 21 Jan 2007
Woo hoo...I will be excited for Carl and Pazen.
Pazen who is Chico?
Also Andrew, can you "Bear up" House 8 like you did Firedog Falconer?
Nora 24 Jan 2007
Sen. Brownback throws his bible into the Presidential ring
Not like this douche-nozzle has a remote chance of getting anywhere near the White House but COME ON!
You don't have to be Howard Stern to take issue with this wacko.
Comments
I have no issue with this wacko.
Not Howard Stern 20 Jan 2007
Ok, "Not Howard Stern". If you're actually serious, I'd love to start a dialog with you about this.
Carl 20 Jan 2007
What's not to love about 'Ol Sammy B?
He supports teaching Intelligent Design, loves the Flat Tax, opposes those icky same-sex unions and thinks stem cell reseach makes baby Jesus cry.
He's also taking care of my troublesome overabundance of civil liberties giving me more time to kick back and wait for The Rapture.
Whitey McRicecracker 21 Jan 2007
Ex-Ohio Rep. Ney sentenced to 30 months
The first, hopefully of many, Abramoff sock puppets to do actual jail time.
In true fashion, Ney says he continues to accept full responsibility for his actions while at the same time blaming a "drinking problem" he claims to have.
Comments
It is not the first, nor will it be the last, of the many Republiscams (even Demoshats) facing indictment, prosecution and possible jail time in the coming 2 years.
Markus Arelius 19 Jan 2007
Green Cone is a "Cool Tool"
Yesterday the Green Cone was featured on Kevin Kelly's Cool Tools site. Cool!
Comments
Obama: Homeless?
Dude, try Craigslist...
Comments
Chicago School of Rock builds, tears down, "The Wall"
Spent yesterday afternoon at Schuba's listening to the Chicago School of Rock perform Pink Floyd's "The Wall."
The kids are very talented, and are being molded into bonafied rock stars under the guidance of Ethan and staff. Here's bit of "Comfortably Numb" from yesterday.
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Comments
I caught the Sunday show and it was great. I can't wait for the next show in three months... AC/DC and Lep Zeppelin. Great job Ethan!
mollusk 15 Jan 2007
Great job Ethan. These kids are really talented!
Nora 16 Jan 2007
Lilly Munster - RIP
Comments
When I was 12, I wanted Lily Munster to suck every drop of blood out of me!
Oh Lily, you wore black and white so you could hide!!!
Markus Arelius 11 Jan 2007
I seriously thought she died in the 1980s.
I wonder who else isn't dead that I thought died.
Nora 11 Jan 2007
Do what Dubya does: Check the innernets
http://www.deadoraliveinfo.com/
il_postino 12 Jan 2007
Especially check this page: People Alive Over 85
kentdoa 12 Jan 2007
Thank you for the above sites. Its good to know that Jane Wymann is still alive, yet Jane Wyatt has sadly died. Also Olivia De Haviland and Karl Malden...
Nora 12 Jan 2007
1979-2006: A HipHop Odyssey
800 classic HipHop tracks from 1979-2006 in a 48 minute mix. Courtesy of the BBC. Download it here. Pretty cool. You can take a look at the listing before you download it. It's probably not for everyone.
Comments
Sweet! I think I'll put this on while Ben's trying to fall asleep tonight.
andrew 07 Jan 2007
Awesome! Thanks for posting.
liz 08 Jan 2007
Earth Wind and Fire ROCKS!
MarkusArelius 08 Jan 2007
maybe God is behind all this... or, Polly(glot) wanna cracker?
Maybe the fundamentalists are RIGHT, but God has realized this planet is for the birds.
The finding of a parrot with an almost unparalleled power to communicate with people has brought scientists up short.
Soon, we'll have to bow down to a higher order
big ups to mcmc for sending this to me
Comments
Fundamentally retarded
Every time I try to give this administration the benefit of the doubt, something like this comes along. Appears the government is once again pandering to the religious right, and won't provide scientific data about the age of grand canyon. Can't upset the apple cart here, and have someone see that this amazing part of our land had nothing to do with the great flood. Gomez, enlighten me as to why these ninnies belong in power, please... a simple "how many idiots does it take to change a light bulb at the white house" might explain this too...
read on:
Daily Kos, where I found this, and the PEER link.
Comments
This is nonsense. Obviously, the Grand Canyon in Arizona was formed by the Noah flood from the Bible. Jeeze, left-wingers in this country just can't wait until 2008 and the return to a liberal, moral relativist occupant in the White House!
MarkusArelius 08 Jan 2007
Granted, the cherry-picking of biblical "info" is nothing new but our country was NOT founded on Christianity.
Paz, this post got me to pick up "Letter to a Christian Nation" by Sam Harris. It's a quick read and actually made be embarrased about some of the shit I was raised to believe.
Carl 09 Jan 2007
and it was only forty cents for a double feature on Sundays...
This is a cool little site for info on old movie theaters. I have been glued to it all morning, getting nostalgic about the dirtiest, cheapest places for a kid to spend an afternoon in the winter. Jpeg, consider this a Kwanzaa gift for you.
Comments
Lost Someone
God must be throwing one hell of a birthday party for baby Jeebus today, with a new main attraction.
God bless, Brother James.
At all of the nightclubs that I played records at, with all of the different styles of music played at each, there was one common favorite. James Brown clearly transcended all musical genres.
Comments
Time gets in the spirit!
It would be totally awesome if they put the same mirror-like plastic on the pink slips they sent out that they put on this week's Person of the Year issue.
"Who's out of a job? Here's a clue!"
Comments
Pearl Necklace, Jr. by Hasbro
Yes, it is real.
Comments
I love the bit at the end, like some sort of disclaimer, "Major pumping required." Wow.
Eh... gets 'em ready for frat life.
andrew 19 Dec 2006
Just a few questions:
Does it sting when it gets in your eyes?
Does it take a few minutes to "reload"?
After prolonged playtime, does it make you sleepy?
Carl 19 Dec 2006
Good news! Hasbro just announced the new 2-person "Reacharound" edition! Start forming Ooozinator circles today, kids!
il_postino 20 Dec 2006
SNL had this on Weekend Update. "Junior's first money shot!"
pazen 20 Dec 2006
Is this the man who attacked you, Carl?
Comments
Yes, this is the person that inappropriately touched me in my bikini area.
Carl 19 Dec 2006
Inquiring Minds want to know: Did something happen that we missed? Did Carl get jumped by the Dutch Boy?
Inquiring Minds 20 Dec 2006
Carl,
Should we call John Walsh or Nancy Grace(less) about this? No one should be touchin' Carl's you know what except Val.
nora 21 Dec 2006
1906
If for no other reason than to stop creepy Hugo from staring at me every time I check in on H8... Some random factoids from an email I'm sure everyone received from their aunt.
In 1906:
The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at HOME.
Ninety percent of all U.S. doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE USA!
Comments
In 1906, you'd have to wait 69 years for the invention of "HUGO"!
But seriously, why even create a Fathers Day without canned beer?
Over the counter narcotics must have been the only thing that made smelly-haired chicks remotely bangable.
Carl 12 Dec 2006
And a three minute phone call from Denver to New York is still eleven dollars. Thanks media consolidation!
John Denver 13 Dec 2006
Ah for the days when diarreah was the number 3 killer. A simpler time. Oh, and don't kid yourself, Andrew. Hugo is still watching. Watching and waiting.
il_postino 14 Dec 2006
Ghost of Xmas Wishlist Past
What was that one toy you really wanted as a kid but never got?
Christmas 1975 was a real bummer for Lil' Carl.
Comments
A thousand faces, all of them creepy or disfigured! Hugo will blend right in... to a burn unit.
Hugo's mother 08 Dec 2006
I so wanted one of these and never got one either, but my friend Brian had one. Now I'm filled with questions. Why even have a body and arms? He's puppet with lips that don't move? What's up with the crazy eyes?
I asked for a Rudy the Robot every year for about 6 years. I think I received it like three times, but always managed to break them. He would walk into a wall and then this little wire shuttle would push through his body and engage the reverse gear. Then he'd back into something, and the hijinks would start over again. Oh Rudy.
(http://www.robotnut.com/gallery/2-77.htm)
j-bot 08 Dec 2006
This by far is the creepiest toy I have ever seen. (if someone has a creepier toy let me know).....
The best Christmas I had is when I got my Barbie camper. It was so fun, until that skanky bitch Donna Denardo down the block got the remote control Barbie corvette. It made by Barbie camper look like crap.
The worst year is when I got the below game, but it was broken and my parents never bothered to get it fixed.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Readers-Digest-Electronic-Q-A-Trivia-game-1980-S-R-comp_W0QQitemZ280056749109QQihZ018QQcategoryZ2530QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
nora 08 Dec 2006
If there's one thing kids love, it's broken games based on cool magazines like Readers Digest.
grampa fitz 09 Dec 2006
I was desperately trying to think of a similar joke like the above post.
Carl 09 Dec 2006
now you can can have Hugo too...
http://www.secretfunspot.com/virtual.htm
adream 10 Dec 2006
grandpa! Is that you?
What's heaven like? I don't remeber you being so sarcastic, but maybe heaven has that effect.
Confused 11 Dec 2006
Why Does God Hate Amputees?
“If God were answering the prayers of amputees to regenerate their lost limbs, we would be seeing amputated legs growing back every day,” the Web site declares, adding: “It would appear, to an unbiased observer, that God is singling out amputees and purposefully ignoring them.”
Comments
According to the fairy tales: the Lord moves in mysterious ways, He giveth and taketh away, etc.
Carl 07 Dec 2006
A bizarre site, but I have related questions: Why does God kill 225,000 Pacific Islanders in a tsunami? Why does God make retarded people? A life punished from start to finish with massive difficulty, in which the subject will never be able to care for themselves or look out for their own interests? nice.
If there is a God (fat chance), he's one twisted fucker.
god hates you 08 Dec 2006
Why did I kill 225,000 Pacific Islanders in a tsunami? Hey, I need extra waitstaff up here and the laundry ain't doing itself.
And retarded people? They totally get me and laugh at all my jokes.
Old Testament God 08 Dec 2006
If they can put a man on the moon . . .
I'm sorry but this whole "moon base" bullshit make my fucking head explode! How do I keep my tax dollars from being dumped into this black fiscal hole? Is this a frantic grasp by GW at some type of half-assed legacy beyond his being the worst president in history?
Comments
From The Guardian Unlimited UK:
"To spread the risk Nasa has left room for other countries to get involved. It canvassed the thoughts of more than 1,000 people from space technology companies, non-governmental organisations, and more than a dozen international space agencies. Nasa will look for partners from the European Space Agency, India, China, Russia and South Korea to share the cost of developing components such as power systems and lunar living quarters".
Maybe I'm a Sci-Fi hopeful or a dirt-surfing hippie but since my first issue of National Geographic 20 years ago I have had my fingers crossed hoping that I might live to see a mission to Mars or beyond. This is a step in that direction and the thought of the US joining with other countries to explore unchartered corners of the Universe makes me feel hopeful. Yep, I said it: A government sponsored program made me feel a little optimistic, so keep your pointy snark-stick away from my squishy pink parts. I'm going to keep on keepin' on with my Star Trek fantasies!
liz 05 Dec 2006
I wonder what the residents of New Orleans (and by N.O. I mean Houston) think about the US government spending billions to put a trailer park on the moon?
It's hard for me to be hopefully optimistic about a space program considering all the other shit on THIS planet that's totally fucked and overlooked.
Carl 06 Dec 2006
I am going to continue Carl's trend of swearing when it comes to space, but....Space is so Fucking Boring! I don't care how fucking spiders and ants react to zero gravity and the moon. I don't care about some crappy ass space station shared with countries that we haven't gotten along with here on earth. And finally, it is a deep dark money pit that politicians seem to think will embolden Americans imagination. Since most of our youths today don't even know where China is, how are we to expect them to care about Uranus (ok, I used the funniest sounding planet). Unless something is crashing to earth, don't spend my tax dollars on space.
Nora 06 Dec 2006
Er...yes. So, we've determined that our Army Corp of Engineers can't build a levee or a wall to hold back flood waters. But we're gonna build a Magical SpacePort to the Universe on the moon?
How about we figure out how to stop chasin' the petroleum dragon? Healthcare? How we're gonna pay for all these aging Boomers?
(Liz, I'm not pointing my snarky stick at your soft pink bits—is that dirty?—I've hated NASA's bloated money-burning ass for years.)
andrew 06 Dec 2006
Well that's just it; I've given up on earth and I'm looking for my ticket out. (Too many pointy sticks) WTF is a few more billion dollars anyway? It's not like we get to choose where are tax dollars are spent. At least this albatross produces some pretty pictures.
liz 06 Dec 2006
"Even associating your planet with the moon would belittle the name of our moon, which is.... "the moon.""
Ignignokt & Ur 06 Dec 2006
The only way your average "Joe Twelve-Pack" is ever going to find themselves on the moon, etc. is by working some type of mining operation or similar menial task. Ever see the movie "Outland"? It really pisses me off that NASA gets big taxpayer bucks and gives nothing back . . . our lives are no better as a result of 40+ years of space exploration.
Carl 06 Dec 2006
OK, wait . . . what if we sent all the aging baby boomers to the moon to mine for space oil or whatever? They could adopt some type of Soilent Green system and be totally self-sustaining.
Carl 06 Dec 2006
Man, that movie Outland was flippin' awesome! I saw it like 15 times.... I want to go to space with Liz.
mollusk 06 Dec 2006
Never saw Outland, but Ghost of Mars makes never want to goto Mars....Okay and all the Alien movies are putting a damper on my inner-galatical space plans during the holidays.
Liz and Mollusk, be careful in space. If Astronaut Jones asks to see your space titties, you better say no.
nora 06 Dec 2006
Do y'all really think that sinking money into NASA is taking food out the mouth of another government agency? If we shut down the space program tomorrow I'm pretty damn sure we'd still have a dependency on foreign oil, proper healthcare would still be reserved for a small percent of the population and your hardened hearts would still be as dark as the deepest darkest black hole. So you can suck my big 'ol space titties!
Oh and just to be more annoying:
Last night NASA observed a giant black hole consuming a star in a galaxy 4 billion light-years away. Boring huh? What would you rather watch, Two and Half Men?
Kidding! My hippy-ass still loves you poopie faces.
liz 06 Dec 2006
I'm not known to be overly negative, but since every third shuttle that is launched from Cape Canaveral either disintigrates in the statusphere, or has serious damaged to its hull due to all the space dust and garbage floating around (including Russian's teeing off golf balls for American company promotions!), I think it's safe to say that this hairbrain scheme of a moonbase will never ever get off the f*ing ground.
All your base are belong to us.
MarkusArelius 06 Dec 2006
NASA has some redeeming programs. The Mars rovers are great examples of smart, efficient, low impact space exploration. The returns on these investments (please, do not forgive the pun) blow the Shuttle program out of the sky. The Hubble telescope is another program that deserves all the support we can give it. It has far outlived it's expected usefulness, with amazing results.
Liz, check out Riding Rockets, about the early days of the Shuttle program. You'll want to strangle the next NASA employee you meet. If you think other government initiatives AREN'T suffering because of pork barrel headline fodder projects at NASA, well, you've got your head in the stars.
andrew 06 Dec 2006
So, I take it you people actually believe that the "moon landing" really happened?
Suckers.
Dale Gribble 07 Dec 2006
detroit is just cool, face it
not trying to patronize Kluv and Zena any more than I would on a typical day, but this NYT article proves that detroit rawks:
The architect had no interest in smoothing over the scars, which are worn as badges of pride. The gallery floor in what was once the car showroom retains its red octagonal tile; the other floors are raw concrete. Interior walls — collages of peeling paint, exposed brick and concrete block — have been left untouched so that you can see the traces of where they have been cut open and patched over during years of crude alterations.
props to matt c on this one
Comments
...And another nice thing about Mocad is that, unlike most other city's modern art museums, when you leave you're a stone's throw from the original Beepers 'n Braids! Thx Paz!
Kluv 01 Dec 2006
ummm, I hate to break it to you old man, but decay has been on the rise as a style for abot 20 years. It's actually out.
col architecture guy 01 Dec 2006
ummmmmm, *actually* detroit is catching the trend early on its next cycle around. it's so out it's in. get with it.
even cooler architecture guy 07 Dec 2006
European Fields
The Landscape of Lower League Football
Beautiful photos by Hans van der Meer. The fourth one (Marsielle, France) made me think, "Wow, that's a gigantic penalty area."
[via Kottke]
Comments
Wow! Great photos and a brilliant idea to capture these weekend moments.
Gotta love photo number 5 in Berlin with the snow on the ground but swept away near the goal.
MarkusArelius 30 Nov 2006
funny that you posted this on the day that Britney Spears revealed her gigantic penalty area... ziiiing.
cracker 30 Nov 2006
Was in Marseilles 4 weeks ago... good city to get stabbed in.
f-peg 02 Dec 2006
Blackwater Update
Remember them? Well, it looks like someone may actually try to hold them accountable for their actions.
So even if a right-wing dominated Supreme Court should somehow forestall Mr. Prince's turn in the dock, we can expect that a vivified US Congress will hold hearings and ultimately demonstrate clearly what Iraq for Sale shows: US firms have not only committed murder in Iraq, they have committed treason, by making money at all costs, even that of American lives and national security.
I'll be over here, holding my breath.
Comments
I'm not a fan of Bush, and I'm divulging in the schadenfreude as much as the next guy, but I'm not sure I agree with the logic here.
Look, if you're an employee for Blackwater Security and you're heading in to Baghdad, Iraq - probably the most volatile and violent region on the earth (or at least close second to Darfur or Mogadishu)- to perform a security job, and you're being paid over $200,000 to do it, plus benefits and a sick-ass life insurance policy,.... hmmmm, what am I trying to say...caveat emptor, anyone?
I know it's the United States of America and we have to feed the attorneys despite all of the signs not to do so - but when, just when does personal responsibility and adult decision-making kick in here? Somebody explain it to me like I'm Phil Donahue.
MarkusArelius 30 Nov 2006
As someone who recently sat on a jury over a sprained ankle, I definitely agree that 1,000 trial lawyers buried up to their necks in sand means you didn't have enough sand.
These ex-military psychos who want to operate in a war zone without any oversight or rule of law? Well, that's how your charred corpse ends up hanging from a bridge, dude. However, organizations like Blackwater shouldn't be allowed to profit from their deaths.
andrew 30 Nov 2006
As far as I can tell, these Blackwater employees weren't suicidal wackjobs . . . but even if they were, their bosses should not be able to profit from their mental defects.
Carl 30 Nov 2006
Consider also that there are many other dangerous jobs that people work in where they could potentially die. The mining industry for example. Their industries are regulated, proper equipment, safety measures and governmental oversight are required by law and if they are not adhered to, companies get taken to task for their lapses.
mollusk 04 Dec 2006
online personality crisis?
DYI-image enhancement. Jpeg, this one's for you (I kid, I kid)...
"Someone's "virtual" identity can come back to haunt them."
The Internet has matured to a point where so much of one's life is online that some people need methods of self-promotion and self-protection, concepts usually associated with the imagemakers of politicians and Hollywood stars. As more employers, workers, and singles use the Internet to check someone out, the idea of managing one's online presence doesn't sound so strange.
Comments
I'd be happy if my virtual identity sounded taller.
Carl 29 Nov 2006
taking your concern seriously... will immediately cease posting...
jpeg 30 Nov 2006
don't stop, just run everything past a consultant first. After those mid-terms, I hear Karl Rove is looking for a new hobby... maybe he could hook you up. Look at what the man has done for all those scumbags, think what he could do for a sweetheart like you.
pazen 30 Nov 2006
Sickening
Via Boing Boing comes links to three videos from Iraq:
The first, soldiers video tape young boys as they desperately run after their vehicle in the hope the soldier will throw them a bottle of water.
The second, an amped up gang of knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing tankers harrass some "looters," shoot their car up, and then crush it with their ~$3 million, 70 ton M1 Abrams Battle Tank. The guy was a taxi driver. Ok, a wood-looting taxi driver. Seems like an appropriate response.
The third, a soldier plays soccer with a group of Iraqi children.
While I understand why this third video was posted, in an attempt to somehow balance the ugliness and just downright disgusting and disturbing behavior in the previous two, I ain't buying it. Congratulations, you mingled with the locals. You tried to make nice, to build bridges.
To paraphrase Chris Rock, "You're SUPPOSED to take care of the people!"
The other day, a friend of mine emailed around a photo of a soldier who became a comfort blanket to an Iraqi girl who had lost her family. She couldn't be comforted by anyone else. It's a feelgood Sunday night movie on Lifetime waiting to happen. The gist of the email was that because this soldier had become a source of comfort to this girl, he needed to get a bunch of media coverage, because he certainly would if he had done something "bad." Uh, alright.
Anyone that wants to take comfort in these little nuggets of humanity amongst the ever-downward spiral into soul-crushing violence and civil war swirling in Iraq, have at it. I don't have the stomach for it. You know what? They shouldn't be there in the first place. And to try to point to these moments as some sort of justification for why we're there, and the "good" we're doing, well, it's fucking horseshit. And don't go telling me I'm not supporting the troops because I don't appreciate them playing soccer with the kiddies. They shouldn't be there, and they shouldn't be dying there.
Comments
Can anyone even remember what they're suppose to be doing over there? Protecting people, property or something else? Don't get me started on wartime propaganda . . . it makes me want to barf.
Bin Laden? Anyone . . . anyone?
Carl 29 Nov 2006
The more I think about the tank video, in particular, the angrier I get. Here's these guys who are supposed to be out protecting the public, with this supposed larger mission of "spreading democracy," providing stability, sending a message that the US is here to bring order to the chaos.
Instead, they decide to become judge and jury on the street with a tank, and play out some childish monster truck fantasy with this guy's car. Because that's how "civilized" society works, right? Don't like what's going on? No need for the rule of law when you've got an M1 tank. Just fuck shit up and move on to the next group of people to terrorize.
Yep. You're terrorists. GOVERNMENT-SPONSORED TERRORISTS.
Hoo Rah.
andrew 29 Nov 2006
The tank video is from Feb 2003. not that time heals all wounds, but it is misleading to post the same video over and over again, and claim there is a massive amount of bad stuff going on. Is it bad? Yes. Should we keep pointing out things from 5 years ago? Probably not.
I posted about this on my blog. http://geekswithblogs.net/gaijin42/archive/2006/11/29/video_tank_crush_iraq_taxi_frontline_2003.aspx
Jason
Jason Coyne 29 Nov 2006
Even though that tank video is old, it's still valid in a general response to "what the heck are we supposed to be doing over there?" this is an amnesiac society, and if nothing else that video is a reminder that this war has been a fools playground ever since it began.
throw in the blanket? 29 Nov 2006
Jason: The posting of this video on Boing Boing was the first I'd personally seen it.
If a tank crushes an Iraqi's car and no one video tapes it, does it make a sound?
The fact that the tank video occurred in 2003 makes it even worse, in my opinion. Maybe it's a bunch of dickheads on their third tour who've been stuck in an Abrams for days on end, pissing and farting on each other in 120° heat. But no, they probably just got there and wanted to see what that baby could do.
(Side note: 2006-2003 = 5? Howzat?) Yeah, you're right. Bush, Cheney, Rummy, Tenet... all that bullshit justifying the invasion of Iraq is ancient history. Why keep talking about it? Let's all go watch CSI:Miami.
andrew 29 Nov 2006
This is just sick. It's the first I've ever seen this video and I too don't give a rat's ass whether it happened 3 years ago or not. That fact actually makes it that much worse, in my view.
You look at this and then listen to the conservative circle jerks on Fox News pumping up the importance of Bush's ultra-vague "war on terror", and I have to swallow my own vomit.
Let's remember why the fuck we are sending American men and women into harm's way: To kill that bastard Bin Laden and his co-horts, not terrorize Iraqi's.
Jesus H. Christ!
This idea of democratization of the Middle East, while bold, is just assanine and is now completely lost.
Where does such a vague strategy end? Egypt? Iran? Pakistan? North Korea? Saudi Arabia?
Seems to me the "War on Terror" should be dropped and replaced with a "New Declaration of Independence".
MarkusArelius 30 Nov 2006
Buckaroo Banzai - Frank Lloyd Wright Mashup
http://www.goodmantheatre.org/season/Production.aspx?prod=51
Synopsis: Frank and his band of men, the Taliesin Cavaliers, battle evil alien architects from the 8th dimension.
Anything less and what would be the point?
Comments
Finally something that makes architecture interesting.
Its educational and true!
jpegs enemy 28 Nov 2006
That's...*URP*...Hot
Paris Hilton attempts to sing, vomits instead.
Comments
Kramer Kisses his Kareer goodbye
What a pathetic excuse for a meltdown . . . Lenny Bruce, he ain't.
The up-side: Mel Gibson now 37% more employable.
Comments
I think it's actually fascinating how antithetical to Lenny Bruce's routine, "Are there any niggers here tonight?" this is. You have to hand it to him though, it got the hecklers to leave...with the rest of the world. Bright side: Richards just won a standing gig at the new David Duke Laff Shack in Branson.
il_postino 21 Nov 2006
Wasn't Richards the actor who got in a fight with Andy Kaufman on the show Fridays! Apparently he doesn't like anyone...
Nora 21 Nov 2006
Sick. Well, I don't know, when you see these drunk "V.I.P.'s" walking in chatting away, it must really mess up your comedic timing or something.
Markus Arelius 21 Nov 2006
Everyone has had to deal with people talking like that in a public eviron and, yes, it's rude and sucks for everyone BUT his words and posture were VERY poorly chosen. I can't think of any context where that would be acceptable outside of a lynching or cross-burning.
Carl 21 Nov 2006
yes, because if you can't get along with Andy Kaufman... (ha ha). When people interrupt me, I call 'em n****rs even if their old white ladies.
someone 22 Nov 2006
UK RFID Passports: Cracked
Gee, what a surprise. Apparently it took all of 48 hours.
"The reader - I bought one for £250 - has to say hello to the chip and tell it that it is authorised to make contact. The key to that is in the date of birth, etc. Once they communicate, the conversation is encrypted, but I wrote some software in about 48 hours that made sense of it.
"The Home Office has adopted a very high encryption technology called 3DES - that is, to a military-level data-encryption standard times three. So they are using strong cryptography to prevent conversations between the passport and the reader being eavesdropped, but they are then breaking one of the fundamental principles of encryption by using non-secret information actually published in the passport to create a 'secret key'. That is the equivalent of installing a solid steel front door to your house and then putting the key under the mat."
Comments
Ooops. Forgot to encrypt the data itself?
What a bunch o' morons!
Should keep the secret key in a bunker on an Island just off the Azores or something.
3DES is very high encryption standard (triple Digital Encryption Standard).
MarkusArelius 17 Nov 2006
Da Bears Will Punch Yous In Da Mouth, My Friennt.
And for those of you who just can't let go of Da Coatch and 1985...
As always, Carl, you've outdone yourself. My friennt. Carl 726, Tornado -17.
Comments
can I get one on a XXXXL sweatshirt that matches my dress zubas?
bob swerski 17 Nov 2006
Dobbs: I'm a populist and proud of it
Both Slate and The Financial Times resist saying what I've been saying loudly and clearly: We're in a class war, and our middle class is losing, and losing badly. But I do blame and have blamed the rich, corporate America and our political elites in both parties who have permitted the unabated assault on middle-class working men and women and their families.
...
I have never blamed the poor of Mexico, China or India for corporate America's avarice and our political elites' cowardice. I blame us for forgetting that the United States is first a nation, and secondly a marketplace or an economy, and I blame us for being taken as fools by both political parties for far too long. It is not nationalism by any stretch of the imagination for me to remind those in power that our political system, our great democracy, makes possible our free-enterprise economy, and not vice versa as the elites continually propagandize.
Comments
Gee he sure has a strong viewpoint... a week after the facists were defeated.
dobbity 15 Nov 2006
It just sucks because the Dems have virtually no choice but to raise taxes in order to take care of some seriously ignored shit . . . making the whole "why is my take-home pay so paultry?" situation even worse.
Carl 15 Nov 2006
As long as the raised taxes are utilized properly, I don't mind paying higher taxes.
I'd much prefer a balanced budget and lower interest rates as a result than receiving a federally stamped check in the mail for $38.19 as part of Bush's tax rebate program.
By the way, the double-whammy for Dems will be that the Fed will have no choice but to raise interest rates in '07 to stop sky-rocketing inflation. It's not their fault, but they'll be viewed negatively for this too.
Markus Arelius 16 Nov 2006
Milk shot out of my nose when I read "As long as the raised taxes are utilized properly" and I wasn't even drinking milk at the time.
I sick of waiting for both parties to step up to the fiscal plate. I think the private sector (Nonprofits, I'm looking at you.) needs to be giving more back at a local level. The Federal government needs to focus their attention some select issues and erradicate them with laser beam precision.
Oh, and the tax-exempt status that churches have enjoyed for so long needs to end NOW!
Carl 16 Nov 2006
How about the NCAA?
It's a $500 million dollar "tax exempt" organization?
WTF!!!
I'm all for taxing these gravy trains if it contributes to financial solvency for the nation.
BUT - not sense bailing water out of the boat, if you haven't stopped the gaping hole in the hull.
Congress needs to curb spending as well.
MarkusArelius 16 Nov 2006
How about the NCAA?
It's a $500 million dollar "tax exempt" organization?
WTF!!!
I'm all for taxing these gravy trains if it contributes to financial solvency for the nation.
BUT - no sense bailing water out of the boat, if you haven't stopped the gaping hole in the hull.
Congress needs to curb spending as well.
MarkusArelius 16 Nov 2006
Your NCAA comment about made my head explode . . . why does a college sports org. deserve tax breaks? It's fucking sports!
Carl 17 Nov 2006
Since we're talking about graffiti
Uh...okay.
Comments
Andrew, you have such a pretty house, why on earth would you want to burn it down like that.
Nora 16 Nov 2006
Best Graffiti Stencil Ever*
I think we need a "pandas with guns" category.
(* a block from my apartment)
Comments
Is that a Banksy or a knock-off?
Carl 13 Nov 2006
Damn, that is creative - and not a little bit scary!
MarkusArelius 13 Nov 2006
the odd thing is that this was spray painted outside a Panda Express Chinese 'restaurant', implying "Back away from the Mongolian Beef and no one gets hurt..."
paz 13 Nov 2006
This is great...
natalie 13 Nov 2006
Not sure if it's banksy. Does he work this small? (8 inches at eye level)
jpeg 14 Nov 2006
Sean Hannity's Gay-friendly Conservative Dating Website
Hannidate "The place where people of like conservative minds can come together to meet. Whether you are looking for a life partner, or just someone to hang out with:
"Self-loathing closet case seeks same for hot sex followed by complete moral disintegration. Interested in doing this again and again while fighting the countries real enemies; self-accepting homosexuals..."
Comments
If there were Pulitzers for headlines....
"Brittany Spears Files for Divorce
K-Fed is now Fed-Ex"
Comments
How about "Ms. Spears officially K-Fed-up"?
Carl 10 Nov 2006
I don't care if K-Fed is a nimrod loser or not, no man will view Brittany Spears the same way again.
There is a right way to do things, and then there is the cold, snake-like way..
She gleefully chose the latter.
MarkusArelius 10 Nov 2006
Uh, fellas? First way to get into my pants? Spell my name right.
Britney Spears 10 Nov 2006
MarkusA.....I'm sure texting were over is cold, but didn't Phil Collins send his wife a fax saying that they were over? Isn't it a double standard to view Brittnay cold but not say anything about the other celebs who have ended marriages basically the same way.
Nora 10 Nov 2006
Well Nora, I didn't know about Phil Collins and you're right. It wouldn't be fair to take sides.
Far be it from me to suggest by my post that BRITNEY Spears owned the patent on the best method to rip an ex-to-be's heart out, put it in a blender, and pour out the puree into a clear glass for all the public to see.
No. There's just too much creativity in Hollywood to make that assumption.
MarkusArelius 10 Nov 2006
All I'm saying is... bitch never returns my calls.
MarkusA 11 Nov 2006
There is a God.*
The Senate has been called for the Dems. The GOP may not contest it.
It's over.
I can hardly believe this horrible regime is out, and that we've come to the end of our long, national nightmare. Here's a great post-game analysis on America coming to it's senses.
Let the subpoenas begin.
(* I kid)
Comments
Gee Johnny jpeg, it looks like all those negative posts and your non voting status have finally paid off. Rummy, the republicans and the neocons are finally losing power. I kid!!!!
Personally, the sun seems sunnier, the brown falling leaves seem leavier and everything is good.
Snarky commentor 09 Nov 2006
Gee Johnny jpeg, it looks like all those negative posts and your non voting status have finally paid off. (sorry couldn't resist) It looks like Rummy, the republicans and the neocons are finally losing power.
Personally, the sun seems sunnier, the brown falling leaves seem leavier and everything is good.
Snarky commentor 09 Nov 2006
Yeah. Good riddance.
All well and good.
But I have a question: Just who the fuck is going to clean up the mess they left behind?
Iraq?
Housing market (crash / corruption) ?
Inflation?
MarkusArelius 10 Nov 2006
Neo-Con Movement goes down in Flames
Secretary of Defense* Donald Rumsfeld has RESIGNED!
[From the first day I ever met Jpeg, he never knew how to close a goddamned HTML tag. Carry on. - Editor]
He exits his job, and ends his career in disgrace & failure. It's a nice bone to be thrown, albeit too late to help them! (ha ha, beautiful!) but it's just a rapid course-change to make them look responsive in 2008.
It's not enough... you are all going to jail!!
Pedophile Foley replaced with a Dem # Corrupt Delay replaced with a Dem # Corrupt Ney replaced with a Dem # Insane Kathleen Harris defeated # Sanctimonious asshole Santorum defeated # AP has just called Montana for the Dem! # Virginia is in the hands of the Dems despite a recount at the end of Nov. # Corrupt Italin Neo-Con & Bush cronie Burlesconi's trial is about to start in Italy # Tony Blair is shitting in his pants!
A great great day - It's fucking Christmas in November!
I love everyone.
I'm going out and getting drunk.
Comments
Congratulations to the Dems for getting the message right, although with all of things going wrong in the Republican camp, you had better not lose!
The only bad news out of all of this is that the second great economic depression is about to commence in the United State starting in 2007, so all of these newly elected Democrats are going out of the frying pan and into the fire. What will voters believe by the time 2008 rolls around?
Now - if you, as an elected official, can reverse a shit load of things to somehow soften the blow (raging inflation, bursting housing bubble, declining personal income, lowest savings rate in US history, record budget defecit, record trade defecit, a (once again) unbalanced governmental budget, U.S. military intevention in an all-out tribal civil war, and an inconclusive strategy in an oversimplified and overgeneralized "war on terror", well, then maybe the Dems do have a shot at winning the White House?
I, for one, am not optimistic because the above is one fucked up laundry list of problems that were not being addressed by Bush's administration very effectively (if at all).
MarkusArelius 08 Nov 2006
Wow. Way to hedge your bets, Markus.
Jimmy the Greek 08 Nov 2006
I'm happy with the changes in Congress. I'm hopeful for a change at the White House in 2008 too.
What irks me is all the backslapping by the Democrats for having re-discovered how to win an election.
Congratu-freakin-lations! There. I said it.
Now these political corndogs should get the fuck back to work along with the rest of the country, though the rest of the country can't just vote themselves a 20% raise on an annual basis!
MarkusArelius 08 Nov 2006
LOL! All I can say is RIGHT ON!!!
Leigh 08 Nov 2006
Donald Rumsfeld announced his resignation Wednesday afternoon, saying that he had "proudly accomplished everything [he'd] set out to bungle." "Years ago, I decided to bog this great nation down in an extended, grueling foreign occupation, and I'm happy to say that's exactly what I've done."
smartass 09 Nov 2006
My fellow Muhricuns...
Free Republic is where those who move their lips when they read, get their information from those who don't think; a GOP cluster-fuck. You have to read their delusional blog comments today to get inside the warped conservative mind. It took these hawkish, reactionary nuts less than a day to start whining like little bitches about unfairness, governing moderately, etc.
Instead how about a foot up your ass and some supoenas from Nancy Pelosi?
Comments
Such a smug asshole. During his press conference today Dubya noted that when he spoke to Pelosi this morning, he said he'd get her some interior decorator recommendations so she could change the drapes in the Speaker's office.
Fuck. You. George.
How's that political capital account balance looking now, you douchebag?
andrew 08 Nov 2006
"I've earned political capital during our campaign, and I intend to spend it"...
George, you are a FUCKNUT!
You actually believed you won significant "political capital" by winning the popular vote with just 50.73% of the total?
MarkusArelius 08 Nov 2006
Let the impeachment proceedings begin!
My ignorance of how our government works aside . . . . with Dems taking control of the House, can we FINALLY give G Dummy and his pals the mother of all bitch-slaps that they deserve?
Comments
I had the same thought. How do we make this happen? Obviously we need some time to inventory all the crimes he committed. Can we get both Dubya and Cheney on the chopping block atthe same time? Might save some tax dollars!
Even if they don't go to jail, can we stipulate that they still get raped by a burly convict? Please?
il_postino 08 Nov 2006
Don't get too cozy with any hopes for impeachment, folks. The apparent new speaker, Nancy Pelosi has already said she's not interested in pursuing it. As much as many of us would love to see Bush and Cheney experience Guantanamo themselves, it's really not going to be in the best interest of the demorats for shoring up any kind of lasting hold on power. Yesterday's vote is a rejection of the failures of Bush to be sure, but to say that most of America wants to see Bush impeached would be over reaching. A lot of America is still holding on to the idea that despite Bush's incompetence, he had the right idea. They want to give someone else a chance to do a better job. To go for the blood will certainly cause a blowback for the dems. The Democrats best chance at this point is to move ahead with the many important and real issues facing America rather than revenge: the war, the aging boomers, health care, the envireonment, energy, etc. If they move ahead in a productive fashion and can find common ground with center of the political spectrum they will do much better at re-establishing credibility with the people. If they get mired in vitriol and revenge, the people will see them as just more of the same in politics. Sorry, jpeg. Maybe you can hope for a censure or two.
mollusk 08 Nov 2006
(Jpeg didn't make this entry. But to chime in...)
Nancy Pelosi's assurances that the Dems wouldn't impeach were (before the election) calculated to appease those whose votes might be lost in fear of two years of stalemate, and (today) perhaps to wait until the political winds are right. There's no telling that later she may come across "new evidence that demands investigation."
I hope the Dems did fuck with the vote (to offset the GOP's slimey tricks) to get into power. I hope she's learned to lie. It would suggest the Dems learned how to play the game.
I don't care if another bill is passed for the next two years. it could be no worse than 6 years of Bush. The flow of legislated graft & facism must stop.
jpeg 08 Nov 2006
Diebold be damned indeed!
I know it's a little late for today's voting, but THIS. HBO documentary is a must see! I hope sweet baby Jesus in his tiny baby manger guides the American public to stand up for itself before the next presidential election.
Comments
For those without HBO, the documentary is also available on Google Video.
andrew 08 Nov 2006
I'm in Research...
Firefighting foam may be used to kill diseased chickens quickly.
Say, that's just the kind of news me and my livestock need. Hand-strangling my chickens isn't as much fun as it once was.
Comments
"Firefighting foam may be used to kill diseased chickens quickly" . . . now theres a bunch of words you don't normal see together.
Carl 07 Nov 2006
jpeg chokes the chicken!
Some Guy jpeg Knows 07 Nov 2006
Diebold be damned!
As we prepare for election day, these dyaln quotes come to mind:
"Politician's got on his jogging shoes;
Must be runnin' for office, got no time to lose.
He sucking the blood out of the genius of generosity.
You been rollin' your eyes, you been teasin' me."
-Bob Dylan
and
"technology to wipe out truth is now available. not everybody can afford it but it's available. when the cost comes down look out!"
Comments
Anyone see that HBO special on Diebold? The software hack and memory card thing was pretty scary not to mention the way Florida handles and stores its polling info.
Carl 07 Nov 2006
What? NEGATIVE votes for Kerry in is totally legit!
lizzie 07 Nov 2006
Pastor McFeely Tells All
Has there ever been a more satisfying story than the breaking news of Pastor Ted Haggard admitting to a lifelong sexual problem. It's hard to select the bigger douchebag, the dick who is anti-gay politically (but secretly a sex fiend) or the supposedly "Christian flock" that disassociates themselves ASAP despite Christ's basic doctrine of redemption and forgiveness.
To praraphrase Claude Levi Strauss, this is a shock not because it happened once, but because it happens all the time... and conservative bumpkins keep falling for these charlatans. If you're naive enough to entrust your moral well-being to some ass who wants the job, the whole parasitic equation is trainwreck.
Comments
from P.T.s confession... "The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality. And I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life"
Kuh-rist, keep it in perspective, Pastor Ted, you're just gay! (and a self-loathing hypocrite). You can fix all that without a magical, moralizing religion.
That's the letter you write if you kill fifty people and snack on their bones.
jpeg 05 Nov 2006
Responding to your own post? Bad form, Old Bean.
That being said, this pathetic waste of organ tissue is reaping what he sowed. It's more than a mild coincidence that organized religion (and law enforcement, the military, etc.) attract an inordinant amount sociopaths.
Carl 05 Nov 2006
The 1st link was a breaking story (a whopping 1 paragraph). Then it got updated and I got the new details.
jpeg 05 Nov 2006
As delicious as the Terry Haggard story and ensuing schadenfreude is for many of us, this is really nothing new. Moral hippocrisy and repressed übersexuality of Christians has been part and parcel of American Christian evangelism for decades. Thankfully modern media can expose and publiclz destroy church leaders and their "businesses" much more swiftly and easily than ever before.
But is it decisive? I mean, are these jerks ever really destroyed?
I seem to remember televangelis Jimmy Swaggart being exposed for sexual debauchery with prostitutes in the 1990s, yet he remains a televangelist in the U.S., and yet the $100.00 checks from poor, senile and naive senior citizens keep rolling in.
Televangelism. Good work, I suppose, if you can get it.
MarkusArelius 06 Nov 2006
I would guess it was the best career move this guy could make. Now he can parlay this into some kind of gay-bashing theme park.
Crooked GOP scumbags and hypocritical preachers would have to kill and eat a shopping cart full of babies to really rile any of the sheep that follow them.
il_postino 06 Nov 2006
wow, someone in power isn't what they seem to be. no surprise there. the saddest part of this story is that we can no longer trust our male prostitutes to keep their fucking mouths shut. We go to them for discreet, hot, drugged fueled man on man sex. if I wanted everyone to know, i'd bang some stud on the hood of a car in a walmart parking lot. It is the sad lack of discretion that is killing this country.
type55 06 Nov 2006
Ha Ha Ha
God, I'm loving the downpour of GOP scandals. They are such a pile of human garbage.
- Upstanding, conservative Pastor and supporter of hetero marriage ammendment smokes meth (and poles). He's the classic GOP closet case/hypocrite. He just stepped down.
- GOP Rep Don Sherwood is paying his mistress $500,000.00 to shut up until after Tuesdays election
- 15 other scandals are placing GOP seats in question.
The GOP (with Diebold's assistance) is going to still be in power after Tuesday, but it's nice that stupid people have to confront the scum they're voting for.
Comments
In other news: Creationist doesn't believe in Flying Spaghetti Monster or taxes.
Kent Hovind, founder of Creation Science Evangelism and Dinosaur Adventure Land in Pensacola, was found guilty of 58 counts, including failure to pay $845,000 in employee-related taxes. He faces a maximum of 288 years in prison.
Maybe God will come on down and settle that tab for him.
andrew 03 Nov 2006
Here's and interesting link about creationist Pastor Ted Haggard - the meth-smoking, blowjob artisan : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkUi6dhwWx0
Markus Arelius 03 Nov 2006
Say it Ain't so!
After the discouraging news that Prince needed a new hip last year, the purple one has now joined Celine Dion, Elton John, and Barry Manilow as a Vegas headiner. The diminutive rocker will play Friday and Saturday night shows at 3121, a nightclub inside the Rio hotel. He'll be performing there every weekend starting Nov. 10 until further notice. Tickets for the 21-and-over shows cost $125 and will be available beginning Nov. 2. Prince will also host Wednesday-night concerts at the club by other artists.
The good news: You won't have to settle for a Prince cover band in Vegas no more!
The bad news: Prince has become a Vegas headliner
Someone break the news gently to Keenan.
Comments
I think we all know you'll still find Karen front-and-center at the Boardwalk casino bar stage. (Ominously, there don't seem to be any scheduled Purple Reign shows on their site. Hmmm... Smacked down by the purple iron fist?)
UPDATE: Apparently the Boardwalk is no more...
andrew 02 Nov 2006
I would comment, but I'm too busy simultaneously weeping over the Boardwalk's demise and booking the next flight to Vegas.
Karen 02 Nov 2006
Why are all the cool musicians like Elton John, Barry Manilow, Tom Jones and Celione Dion playing in Vegas? Can't they share the love?
Lame Person 02 Nov 2006
Does this oficially make Prince our generations Mel Torme?
Carl 02 Nov 2006
or Wayne Newton... "Dahnke Schoen, darling... dahnke Schoen."
jpeg 03 Nov 2006
The United States of Intimidation
In 2000, attorney Tom Connolly tipped the media off to a 1970's DUI arrest by presidential candidate George W. Bush. Yesterday he was arrested in Portland, Maine. for dressing up as Osama Bin Laden. It's up to the District Attorney's office to decide what crime he's commited, but police say one possibility is a charge of terrorizing.
His real crime is apparently not drinking the GOP kool-aid.
Also this week a question from a constituent elicits a mob-like roughing-up from Senator Allen's team.
Thank god I'm a citizen of a country where if I become wealthy and powerful, I can physically intimidate those who ask questions I don't like, and where people who embarass me can be arrested for unknown "crimes."
Comments
Train Almost off Tracks
Although the Whitehouse cynically timed Saddam's guilty verdict to occur two days before the coming election, Iraq has just dealyed it until after the election.
ha ha.
Last week Cheney was pro-water-boarding, this week, no. Meanwhile Bush reiterates that we don't torture. So what are the signing statements for assh*le? Has this Whitehouse ever been this conflicted packaging a message? Some new variant of Herr Goebbels technique?:
"...the primary rule: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it."
Comments
Bush's lack of strong communication skills is already proving to be the undoing of his administration's effectiveness to govern.
Now, watch for the congressional election results on Wednesday (likely Thursday) morning. The Republicans - and even some Democrat incumbents - are about to get a whiplash inducing bitch-slap from the American electorate...
MarkusArelius 30 Oct 2006
Can anyone name a single thing that's actually gotten better for the average US citizen since GW oozed into office?
Carl 31 Oct 2006
I think we've already covered this: He's doubled the child tax credit. Let's try to keep up, Carl. ;-)
For a contrast to Dubya's (lack of) communication skills, I would refer everyone to the excellent New Yorker interview with Barack Obama.
andrew 31 Oct 2006
Veep Family Values
Although Wolf "America Uber Alles" Blitzer has kissed GOP ass for years, he has recently rediscovered his conscience and his balls. Watch here as he holds crazy hypocrite Lynne Cheney's feet to the fire. She wrote a western lesbian adventure.
Best Comment:
"Evil man, evil wife. Plain and simple. They are both lunatics. And with hetero parents like that, no wonder their daughter is gay."
Runner Up:
"I can just hear Mary Cheney’s reaction. “I looked at Wolf Blitzer and I thought, ‘You son of a bitch!’”
Comments
But I got a prostate the size of a grapefruit!
Levy County in Florida recently required library volunteers submit to a drug test as a condition of...er...volunteering.
You know, cuz we can't have Grandma gopped up on the goop while she attempts to do something with all that free time. Sounds like it'd be less hassle to start on that nasty crack habit.
Comments
Andrew,
Anytime a volunteer works with kids, they have to do a background/drug test. My sister works at PADS (a homeless shelter through the arch diocese of Chicago), and she had to do the same tests.
Thank god she finally got off the smack, so she could volunteer.
nora 26 Oct 2006
White Lines
Convenience-store operator 7-Eleven Inc. is telling franchises to pull a high-caffeine drink called Cocaine from it's shelves. The company acted after getting complaints from parents of teens, who were the drink's target audience.
Cocaine comes in red cans, with the name spelled out in what are meant to resemble lines of white powder.
Comments
How many kids do you think have already snorted this drink up their nose with a straw? I'll bet that burns a lot.
andrew 25 Oct 2006
Did this product not have to get an FDA approval before hitting the shelves?
Carl 25 Oct 2006
Coming for Halloween: The Chiding
Following in the footsteps of Florida and Ohio, this years contenders for "State Most Likely to Erupt in Voter Irregularities" that will miraculously favor Bush.
- Missouri: Democrat Claire McCaskill vs. incumbent Republican Sen. Jim Talent
- New Jersey: Incumbent Democratic Sen. Bob Menendez vs. Republican Tom Kean Jr.
- Tennessee: Republican Bob Corker vs. Democratic Rep. Harold Ford Jr.
- Virginia: Incumbent Republican Sen. George Allen vs Democrat Jim Webb
- Rhode Island: Democrat Sheldon Whitehouse has opened a slight lead over incumbent Republican Sen. Lincoln Chafee
These are also important, but seem to clearly favor Dems, so are less likely to be in contention:
- Washington: Incumbent Democratic Sen. Maria Cantwell has increased her sizable lead over Republican challenger Mike McGavick
- Pennsylvania: Republican Sen. Rick Santorum is well behind his Democratic challenger Bob Casey
- Ohio: Incumbent Republican Sen. Mike DeWine has fallen behind Democratic Rep. Sherrod Brown
- Montana: Incumbent Republican Sen. Conrad Burns is now in a virtual tie with Democratic challenger Jon Tester
But, no complaining when the GOP is off the hook for the remainder of Bush's presidency. If two elections have been stolen, and nothing's been contested in more than 5 years... then (yadda, yadda, yadda).
Comments
He was for Staying The Course before he was against it.
(Thanks, Paz.)
Comments
"Look, I don't understand why people are crticizing our President of these here United State of America. George Bush is a good Christian, husband and father. He's only trying to protect us all from the firey terrorist demons of hell and jihadist Armageddon!! Why can't the libertarian, tie-dye wearing, Oprah-watchers understand that? Can't a man changes his mind, once or twice??"
MarkusArelius 24 Oct 2006
I love how the press secretary, Smarmy McFuckface, essentially admits that it's all just a series of talking points and double speak when he announced they were dumping this catchphrase. I suggest a new, more straigtforward one: "You are being lied to."
il_postino 24 Oct 2006
Double-Plus Ungood.
ghost of George Orwell 24 Oct 2006
A Friendly Reminder: Renew Your Passport Now
As we mentioned about a year ago, you may still have time to get a non-RFID chipped passport. I don't know about you, but I do enough to telegraph that I'm an Uhmurican while travelling without carrying around an actual radio beacon to do it for me.
Comments
I'm not in favor of the new passport changes, but I can tell you - knowing something about RFID technology - that there will be no way in hell they can read the data in your passport without presenting it 2 to 3 inches from a reader device. That fact is due to the limitations of the RFID technology chosen for the passport design and the laws of physics.
I'm not saying "have no fear". But it is far away from being a "radio on steriods" either.
Happy travels everybody!
Markus Arelius 23 Oct 2006
I'm only half-kidding about the radio beacon comment. I guess I have yet to read anything that sufficiently explains the benefits of putting chips in our passports. Their insistence that the encryption used renders the chips unhackable, is, quite frankly, horseshit. Perhaps by 2006 computing standards. What sort of computing power will we be holding (or wearing) in 2010?
From the article:
Anyone intent on harvesting passport data could set up a reader at [hotels, banks, Internet cafes]. And although the State Department insists that the chip can be read only by a reader that is inches away, the chips have been read from many feet away.
Pay off the right hotel desk jockey at the right place, and you've got yourself an identity theft goldmine. (And yes, this is the case now, passport RFID chip or not. But I'm not required to travel with, say, a credit card.)
Beyond any nefarious forces at home or abroad, what happens when your chip craps out and you're suddenly in possession of an invalid passport? Do you no longer get to go on your vacation or business trip? Are you not allowed back into the country?
andrew 23 Oct 2006
There is no nefarious reason why we put the chips in your passport. But we do understand your concerns and have noted in your file that you complained about it.
Nixon-Revivalist 24 Oct 2006
Finally! Pancakes & Sausage...on a stick!
America: continuing to push the envelope of what can technically be defined as food.
Comments
Is it breakfast? Is it dessert? Yes!
andrew 20 Oct 2006
This product has "lost my left foot to Type 2 diabetes" written all over it.
Carl 20 Oct 2006
Looks like Cup 'O Pizza has some new competition.
Navin R. Johnson 20 Oct 2006
Looks like "Embarassing visit to the proctologist" on a stick. [ska-pow!]
That Kid 22 Oct 2006
What this needs is some maple syrup dipping sauce. That will make it healthy. Dipping sauce.
Nora 23 Oct 2006
Where the hell is my maple syrup! My Maple Syrup! My Maple Syrup!!
MarkArelius 23 Oct 2006
Top Gimpy?
Has anyone seen the new promos for Bravo's Top Chef yet? I think this new guy looks like a creepy live-version of Gimpy from MTV's old animated show Undergrads.
Comments
WOLVERINE!!!
Cyclops 21 Oct 2006
some building
near school... a photo from paris
Comments
It looks like someone played tetris when they built this building. Or should I say Le Tetrrs?
nora 16 Oct 2006
sure does look like a building...
captain obvious 18 Oct 2006
With conservatives like this who needs liberals?
To sum up, a hawkish, ass-kicking cowboy-president:
- failed to prevent Korea from getting the bomb.
- belongs to a party whose congressmen write dirty e-mails to your kids.
- has changed so little since 9-11 that a plane can still hit a building in Manhattan.
What was the conservative platform again? Can someone name a single success this administration has caused?
Comments
Doubled child tax credit.
Gomez 12 Oct 2006
I know that as a single person with no kids I can count that as a republican success.
They may have doubled the tax credit, but they have destroyed the economy,environment and democracy to do it. Those 2.5 kids are gonna have a great life.
nora 12 Oct 2006
DCTC, Now that's soemthing you can run on, in a time of terrorist attacks. Everything else is F.U.B.A.R..
jpeg 13 Oct 2006
Hey, you asked for one success and I gave you one. Don't get all defensive.
The economy is incredibly strong ("Destroyed"... are we in the midst of a stealth recession? Is the record high Dow another Rove-orchestrated conspiracy... like 9/11... [kudos to South Park this week]). The enviroment is not any worse than it was 8 years ago (probably much better... hybrid cars, technological advancement, etc. Like the economy, stuff that, in the grand scheme of things, presidents have little to no control over), and democracy is fine (do you actually think republicans are gonna keep the house this year?!?).
Gomez 13 Oct 2006
That's all pre-9/11 thinking (ha ha). And yes the Repubs could still steal the election with a miraculous last-minute 1 percent lead (and one seat) borught to you by the good folks at Diebold.
People fell for it the last two times, and did nothing.
jpeg 13 Oct 2006
Anyone who suggests that the US economy is going strong is an idiot, least of all once the Dow reaches record highs in October! October, for crying out loud!
The national housing market is on the verge of complete collapse, the US dollar is weak, inflation has not been kept in check by the Fed (2 straight pauses by Bernanke), the U.S. national debt continues to spiral out of control without a balanced budget, oil prices are down but OPEC is cutting production just in time for the cold winter months - and let me see - can I find another slice of smelly cheese to put on this great big shit sandwich? - Oh yeah, the liberation of Iraq has degenerated into all-out Sunni-Shi'ite civil war!
Well done, Re-pube-licans.
MarkusArelius 13 Oct 2006
Diebold, Inc. voting machines. That's the answer.
When there is an tight election, use them or lose them.
MarkusArelius 13 Oct 2006
Markus, anyone who claims to know what the economy is going to do in the future is the real idiot. The current state of the economy is good. We are not in recession and we may not be headed that way either, a great many economists are now anticipating a "soft landing" after the strong economy of the past couple of years (that's right, strong. You can't have an economic downturn if there was no upturn!), but who (besides you) knows. If you're gonna blame Republicans for whatever future downturn we may hit in the coming year, then please give them props for the upturn of the past few years. Anyhow, personally--as I have stated many a time here in this blog--I really don't think that in a free-market society Presidents and Legislatures have as direct a control over the economy as political hacks like yourself would love to believe.
Gomez 15 Oct 2006
Ok, this is where i start to swear. Anyone who thinks the economy is "good" is must have their head so far up their ass, they can't see the truth. You wanna know the last time i got a real raise, it was was 3 fucking years ago. Salaries aren't going up, but credit card debt and defaults are way up. People aren't making more money because the economy is good, its just they are over extending themselves on credit and loans.
I am not claiming to know what the economy will do in the future, but I do know that while unemployment maybe down, underemployment is way up. People have to work one or two jobs just to keep their head afloat. The people that are doing well now are they people they have always done well. They have smart accountants and financial planners that will make them money in any type of economy.
I don't actually blame the republicans entirely, I blame the whole entire government. I blame the fact they we are basically being financed by foreign companies and governments. That are economy seems to rise and fall on the decisions of OPEC and other foreign governments. That oil is now almost $70 a barrell and most people can't afford to heat their houses. Or even better that public schools no lower their heat cuz they can't afford to keep the tempature at a more comfortable level. Students who probably don't have a warm house to go home to at night, now have to wear their coats in class to keep warm.
I ccould go on and on, but really, are we that much better now then we were 10 yeasrs ago. Its funny on how the only people who say the economy is doing well, seem to be people who probably believe that the war is going well and that government is really working. Rant over.
nora 16 Oct 2006
We can all cite anecdotal stories of how individuals have prospered or not in the past years (my salary went up, but, then again, I'm a suuuuuper genious [sic]). This is not how the state of the economy is measured. There is no, none, nada, nein, doubt that we are at the end of a five-year EXPANSION in the economy.
Despite the directly observable effect on specific segments of consumers, energy prices or housing markets (please crash, seriously, I want to buy a 3 bdrm house for less than half-a-million dollars!) are only a part of the many factors that measure of the strength of an economy.
The business cycle is just that, cyclic. What can a government really do to prevent these naturally occuring down turns? Not much of anything. They can only help/hurt small segments of the population through regulation and taxation, and this is mostly done purely for political gain, with little to no effect on the overall rollercoaster ride that is the economy.
The question then remains, how far down will the downturn be? So far, my anecdotal experience tells me it isn't that bad at all. I'm all warm and toasty as I stand, basking in the glow of my Charles Foster Kane sized fireplace; fueled by hundred-dollar bills, old back issues of The Economist and the sweat of my army of financial planners that allow me to live the extravagant playboy lifestyle that I do so much enjoy.
Gomez 16 Oct 2006
Man, I wanna hang at Gomez's place! That fireplace sounds awesome!
I think, once again, arguments are passing one another in the night. The economy may very well be on a 5 year expansion. But the fact remains that the rich are getting richer, and it is HELLA expensive to be poor.
andrew 16 Oct 2006
gomes, you are right, the business cycle is just that, cyclic. seriously, I mean that. I know it is, and that Clinton lucked out by being in office when the last peak hit, but you made me snort milk through my nose because that is EXACTLY what g-dummy would say. I can hear it now, complete with a few "umm"s and a couple of "heh"s.
you may be right, but you sound like Rush Limblahh. I wish I could look back and see how you felt about the big $400 tax kickack we all got back in '01. Doubled the Child tax credit, which you better put aside to send your kid to college, babay.
I can't believe that after all this time, you still take the "hey, you asked, I showed one good example of how g-dummass is a fine prez. Your silly efforts to one up les je' peg is like me going to the Vikings website and saying it looks like the destiny bears will win the super bowl. my hat goes off to you, and
cracker 19 Oct 2006
gomes, you are right, the business cycle is just that, cyclic. seriously, I mean that. I know it is, and that Clinton lucked out by being in office when the last peak hit, but you made me snort milk through my nose because that is EXACTLY what g-dummy would say. I can hear it now, complete with a few "umm"s and a couple of "heh"s.
you may be right, but you sound like Rush Limblahh. I wish I could look back and see how you felt about the big $400 tax kickack we all got back in '01. Doubled the Child tax credit, which you better put aside to send your kid to college, babay.
I can't believe that after all this time, you still take the "hey, you asked, I showed one good example of how g-dummass is a fine prez. Your silly efforts to one up les je' peg is like me going to the Vikings website and saying it looks like the destiny bears will win the super bowl. my hat goes off to you, and sean
cracker 19 Oct 2006
hannity sends his best
cracker 19 Oct 2006
218:1
3,000 Amercans "were killed," but 655,000 Iraqis "are dead.*" 218 Iraqis dead for every person killed on Sept 11th. Gosh, Bush sure isn't a pussy. He can choose a political scapegoat without any waffling at all, and kill with moral certainty. Those are the presidential qualities that have led us to victory, and left no doubts that we did the right thing (< sarcasm).
Is it justice yet? Should we kill everyone who doesn't want freedom on our terms?
*Note the blame-avoiding use of the passive mode. The Iraqis just "died."
Comments
Bush doctrine was to establish a democractic stronghold in the Middleast - a seed from which democracy would flourish and spread to Iran, Saudi Arabia, etc. But this democratization could work against U.S. regional interests, if it spread to Jordan, Egypt, Pakistan and even Saudi Arabia.
All of these governments are puppet-like or firmly in the pockets of U.S. foreign policy makers.
Even if the intention of the Bush administration would have been a noble one in Iraq, the U.S. policy in the Middle East since 1975 has been inconsistent at best and duplicitous at worst.
The middle east wasn't always rife with jihadist extremist views and terrorism. One's perspective on the middle east (from Morocco to Pakiston) and its inhabitants depends upon what year you start watching the "film". Most of American foregin policy seems to be based upon the hostage taking of Americans in 1979 in Iran. If the U.S.'s intentions were purely democractic ones, and not strategic military or resource-driven ones, then most countries in the Middle East would probably view Americans very differently. Unfortunately, the reverse is true.
MarkusArelius 11 Oct 2006
North Koreans hone crucial homo-erotic line-dancing skills
North Korean soldiers practice the electric slide at an army installation on the banks of the Yalu River.
Perhaps you remember some soldiers from a similar story.
Comments
Boy, have one measley nuclear bomb testing and everyone goes all gay. Geez....
nora 10 Oct 2006
"Sorry guys, but we need your clothes for the test. Er...no, but not you Frank. You naked is its own WMD we'll be holding for later."
*shudders*
...and...SCENE!
andrew 10 Oct 2006
Resume Skills
Can you fit 259 drinking straws in your mouth like Austrian Marco Hort ?
Comments
He must have a huge mouth to get all those in.You think someone could get 260?
Mary 20 May 2007
Dems give bitchslaps all around
Sorry to interrupt the happy news bu....
- Shecter bitchslaps GOP Hack Cleta Mitchell.
- Rahm Emmanuel bitchslaps a GOP cracker-ass cracker.
These are beautiful!
Comments
can I get a 'woo-woo'?
let's give it up for the newest member of the house8 community, Benjamin Rhys Falconer! He got here today - 10/08/06, at 10:37am, weighing in at a svelt 7 pounds, 8 ounces, at a massive 21 inches. This kid has "striker" written all over him. Congrats, Lisa and Andrew!
Comments
woo woo little buddy! you rocked the hizzie yesterday. hope every day gets better and better.
auntie karen 09 Oct 2006
Where's the Off Switch on this Dress?
Skip ahead to the nine or ten minute mark on this video of a runway show last week in Paris. The clothes alter themselves; lifting their own hemlines, making slits, spitting out beads, and zipping up bodices. A hat loses it's brim. It looks like a digital special effect but it ain't.
If you're still not interested, it ends with a nude supermodel.
From Designer Hussein Chalayan.
Comments
Heavens to Betsy!
Gay Republicans are fearful that the GOP is going to use the Foley incident to purge obedient self-loathing, gay Repugs from their jobs. That should put the final nail in the coffin of conservative appeasement.
Sorry guys.
You didn't "choose" this lifestyle, but you did chose this peer group.
Comments
Abraham Lincoln, one of the most beloved Presidents of all time, was a gay Republican AND he wore a toupee . . . think on that for awhile.
Carl 06 Oct 2006
Yeah, but he was also married to Mary Todd Lincoln, crazzzzeeeeyyyyy Mary Todd Lincoln....Sooooo, I don't know where I am going with this, but Mary Todd was crazy.
nora 06 Oct 2006
I'd like to head Bush's "No Child's Behind Left" program.
Rep Foley 07 Oct 2006
How to Spin a GOP Sex Scandal?
Call the perp a Democrat...
See how they handled it on the Factor!
The Associated Press joined in too.
I swear to Yahweh, I wish this type of crap never happened in politics. Wouldn't it be cool if our reps could spend their time doing something positive for the country, rather than cover their ass (or in the case of Hastert, add to their ass). But when things like this come along, it proves the Dems are just patsies. Networks like Fox KNOW they can pull this bogus "error" bs and get away with it.
Stupid Sneaky Brilliant Punks.
Comments
Bill O has a way with spinning sex scandals. comes from experience.
Keith O. 04 Oct 2006
"The Democrats have to be awful careful not to overplay [the Foley Scandal]," Rep. Tom Cole, a Republican from Oklahoma, said. "I don't think the defenders of Bill Clinton and Gerry Studds can all of a sudden become the moral paradigms on Capitol Hill. They run the risk of looking hypocritical."
Wow! The GOP wants you to worry about consensual sex between adults that has aleady been punished. And they reach back 33 YEARS (1973 !!!) to find a Democrat that actually had sex with a minor. HAH HA HA HA HA.... pathetic.
...and the dems will still probably lose in Nov.
JPEG 05 Oct 2006
The only way the dems will lose is if people don't get out and vote. Soooo get out and vote...or else!!!
Nora 05 Oct 2006
No matter what, this situation still works in favor of the GOP. Lewd conduct with a minor is illegal but this is just the latest version of 3-card Monty meant to keep the publics mind off the war.
The fact that more perverted shit gets shaken out of the party of christian conservatives comes as no surprise to me.
The next election is FAR from a Dem. shoe-in.
Carl 05 Oct 2006
Need to sic Keith Olbermann on it.
He's pretty good at exposing so called "honest mistakes" of Fox News...
I didn't realize that MS-NBC was kicking the ass of Fox News and O'Reilly so badly in the ratings department?
MarkusArelius 05 Oct 2006
I am ALL over it...
Keith O 05 Oct 2006
Bueller... bueller...
If you haven't been keeping up, sometimes amusing celeb-poll Ben Stein has been letting his Inner GOP nitwit out pretty regularly:
"On the one hand, we have a poor misguided Republican man who had a romantic thing for young boys. He sent them suggestive e-mail. I hope it won’t come as a surprise to anyone that a big part of male homosexual behavior is interest in young boys."
Uh, yeah, ummm... fuck you Ben.
Comments
Fucking Jew, he's got an answer for everything!
Mel Gibson 05 Oct 2006
Mmmmm. Tastes like Biblical Prophecy & Caramel!
What's inside this candy bar, that tempted me in the metro today?
a) lunchmeat!
b) the dead sea scrolls
c) some lesser-known parchment, probably egyptian
d) a free tapeworm
e) other ______________
Comments
Carl's been busy
Three new designs over at RobotMonkeyPirate!...
Just How Much Truth Can You Stand?
Inspired by this old VD scare film.
Porkchop Sandwiches!
If you don't understand, you're too old. (Or don't get Cartoon Network and don't stay up and watch Adult Swim. Skool Thyself. Headphones!)
Dan Halen
Comments
Who knew ripping off other peoples work could be so much fun!?!
Carl 03 Oct 2006
DAN HALEN!!!!!
lizzie 04 Oct 2006
Why does swearing in cartoons always make me giggle?
nora 04 Oct 2006
Frist: Let's Work With The Taliban
This makes my brain hurt. WTF?!?!
Bill Frist has officially lost his mind.
You know, maybe he's got a bigger plan.
- Work with the Taliban in Afghanistan to gain political power.
- Recruit young Al-Qaeda fighters into a more formalized Afghanistani military.
- Send 'em to Iraq to fight the Great Satan.
- Profit!
Bill, you wiley rascal, you gots it all figgered out.
Comments
How can it be any worse than the their last "plan"?
Carl 02 Oct 2006
Our War. The Results...?
The [American Soldiers] had not gotten far when a wounded fighter, concealed behind a broken wall, threw a grenade, killing Special Forces Sgt. Christopher Speer. The soldiers immediately shot the fighter three times in the chest, and he collapsed. When the soldiers got close, they saw that he was just a boy. Fifteen years old and slightly built, he could have passed for thirteen. He was bleeding heavily from his wounds, but he was -- unbelievably -- alive. The soldiers stood over him.
His name was Omar Khadr. Born into a fundamentalist Muslim family in Toronto, he had been prepared for jihad since he was a small boy. His parents, who were Egyptian and Palestinian, had raised him to believe that religious martyrdom was the highest achievement he could aspire to...
At Bagram, he was repeatedly brought into interrogation rooms on stretchers, in great pain. Pain medication was withheld, apparently to induce cooperation. He was ordered to clean floors on his hands and knees while his wounds were still wet. When he could walk again, he was forced to stand for hours at a time with his hands tied above a door frame. Interrogators put a bag over his head and held him still while attack dogs leapt at his chest. Sometimes he was kept chained in an interrogation room for so long he urinated on himself.
After the invasion of Afghanistan, President Bush decided, in violation of the Geneva Convention, that any adolescent apprehended by U.S. forces could be treated as an adult at age sixteen. Before boarding a C-130 transport to Guantanamo, Omar was dressed in an orange jumpsuit and hog-chained: shackled hand and foot, a waist chain cinching his hands to his stomach, another chain connecting the shackles on his hands to those on his feet. At both wrist and ankle, the shackles bit. The cuffs permanently scarred many prisoners on the flight, causing them to lose feeling in their limbs for several days or weeks afterward. Hooded and kneeling on the tarmac with the other prisoners, Omar waited for many hours. His knees sent intensifying pain up into his body and then went numb.
Just before he got on the plane, Omar was forced into sensory-deprivation gear that the military uses to disorient prisoners prior to interrogation. The guards pulled black thermal mittens onto Omar's hands and taped them hard at the wrists. They pulled opaque goggles over his eyes and placed soundproof earphones over his ears. They put a deodorizing mask over his mouth and nose. They bolted him, fully trussed, to a backless bench. Whichever limbs hadn't already lost sensation from the cuffs lost sensation from the high-altitude cold during the flight, which took fifteen hours. "There was points I wished to God that one of these MPs would go crazy and then shoot me," recalled one of the hundreds of detainees who have made the trip. "It was the only time in my life that I really wished for a bullet."
Comments
I thought this board was supposed to be short and sweet and not long and wordy. Lordy, nine pages, I haven't read anything that is nine pages online, since well never.....
So please go back to posting pictures of bear eating monkeys and other glorious images of the cirle of life.
Can't read.... 02 Oct 2006
jpeg, start own blog already.
Preached to choir member 02 Oct 2006
war? what war? I just like to think pretty thoughts.
ostrich 03 Oct 2006
I didn't realize that monkey eating bears was a pretty thought. Decaptiation is sooo resplendant...
I get it the war sucks. Bush sucks, the Republicans suck. Everything suck dilley ucks right now. I just don't need to read 9 pages on something that I know sucks.
nora 03 Oct 2006
In defense of Jpeg, it's actually a good read. Well, "good" may not be the right word. "Stomach-turning" might be a better descriptor. There are some sick fucks running the show.
At the risk of taxing brains, the latest Atlantic Monthly has a couple interesting/crap-your-pants-distrubing/headshakingingly depressing articles:
The Fight to Lose Congress (Yay! Cynicism is indeed alive and well.)
When North Korea Falls (Where's Team America when you need them?)
andrew 03 Oct 2006
"I just wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school. I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, and we'd all eat it and be happy". - Fatty from Mean Girls.
lizzie 04 Oct 2006
I read the story because it is important and we need to be aware of what is happening by our (read american) hands. This story is shocking and atrocious - despite the fact that I've heard similar stories before. It doesn't get old. That we have become a country that can knowingly and willingly perpetrate these kinds of crimes is tragic. For all of us that want to love our country these stories make it very difficult to believe that we are any longer a force for good in the world. Can there be any doubt that the administration is legitimately guilty of commiting war crimes and should be held accountable?
mollusk 06 Oct 2006
Just last week, Bush was given retroactively the right to torture, and to detain who he wants. Noone paid a higher price for Hitler than the standard disinterested German. Guess who going to be paying a price for the Bush years.
pegj 08 Oct 2006
Yet Another Nonagon Show!
At The Note in Wicker Park. Saturday, Sept. 30th. Show starts around 9:30pm... we are the headliners! Read the extended entry for more info and a poster...
We'll be selling this hand-printed poster for way less than it's worth at the show:
The Note
1565 N. Milwaukee, Chicago, IL
(an MP Shows show)
Saturday, September 30th 2006
9PM * 21+
NONAGON <-- Holy cats! We're headlining?!?
AMERICAN PRINCES
MODERN TEMPER
PISTOLS AT DAWN
Comments
Is that the beast that gores Johnny Knoxville in Jackass Number Two?
That's a sweet poster.
andrew 29 Sep 2006
Shelves for Life
Just the thing you'll need at some point in your life... or maybe some other point.
Comments
Wouldn't it be ironic if something fell off one of the shelves and killed you? Dontcha think?
Alanis Morrisette 29 Sep 2006
Yeeesh, comb that thing!
Momcilo Krasjinik was today convicted of crimes against humanity, but things are looking up, I've just awarded this years "Jpeg medal of Monobrow Honor" to him.
Comments
Boy Frida Kahlo has got nothing on this guy.....
His eyebrows are going to grow into his eyes soon.
nora 27 Sep 2006
Hello lovechild of Leonid Breznev and Raymond Burr!
Carl 30 Sep 2006
I wonder if he likes pidgeons?
Burt (sans Ernie) 30 Sep 2006
Dustin "Dirty Sanchez" Diamond
Uh, Screech? A porn star?
Update: The sex vid's working title is "Saved by the Smell."
Comments
Huh...That tidbit wasn't in any of the VH1 or E specials I have seen him in lately...Could my tacky entertainment shows have led me astray. Help!
nora 27 Sep 2006
Wow, you beat me to it. We were just laughing about that in studio.
jpeg 27 Sep 2006
Nothing good can come of the combination of Screech, a Dirty Sanchez, and video tape. The Celebrity Sex Tape market has reached the bottom of the barrel. Who's next? Larry King?
Hey, I might be on to something here. Dead Pools are so last century. Celeb Sex Tape Pool! Dibs on the Olsen Twins!
andrew 27 Sep 2006
"I can't believe it's a hard-on!"
Former handyman Charles Lennon may not receive his settlement from the company that manufactured his malfunctioning penile device. The implant has caused Lennon to have an erection for 10 years!!!
Lennon received the steel and plastic implant in 1996, about two years before the impotence drug Viagra went on the market. (Using a complicated system of pulleys, cables and a cast iron inner structure) the Dura-II is designed to allow impotent men to position the penis upward for sex, then lower it.
Comments
We Own The Internet
[hat tip: Ken W.]
Comments
Whoa! I didn't know Ty Pennington owned the innerwebs!?!?!?
liz 26 Sep 2006
Looks more like Steve Irwin...
ZeuZeu 26 Sep 2006
T is for Texas, D is for Death
Comments
This is shocking (that they make info like this public, & that it is catalogued so cavalierly). It is sad to read such private words (last statements). I could only read a few.
jpeg 26 Sep 2006
It's also shocking that the Supreme Court had to step in back in '01 to keep the big T from executing a mentally disabled man. There should be some sort of cap on how many 'criminals' TX gets to exectute. You know, to like make executing people really MEAN something again!
http://www.berkeleydailyplanet.com/article.cfm?archiveDate=06-05-01&storyID=5272
liz 26 Sep 2006
It's also shocking that the Supreme Court had to step in back in '01 to keep the big T from executing a mentally disabled man. There should be some sort of cap on how many 'criminals' TX gets to exectute. You know, to like, make executing people really MEAN something again!
http://www.berkeleydailyplanet.com/article.cfm?archiveDate=06-05-01&storyID=5272
liz 26 Sep 2006
He's just Venting
Dateline... UTAH - City councilman Mark Easton had a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built. Apparently, the new roof was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Easton, went to the city to complain. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line.
Recently Easton called the city again because he didn't like a vent on the side of the new home.
Comments
Is this for real?
Wouldn't his architect and or contractor be the ones at fault for not checking local building codes?
If that dude was so worried about his view, he should have bought the ajoining property.
Carl 24 Sep 2006
I don't always believe everything I post. This story sounds fishy. But the picture was funny. Snopes may have already debunked it...
jpeg 25 Sep 2006
Not sure if this is true, but for some reason the image reminds of like public television logo's from the 1970s...
nora 25 Sep 2006
i saw a news report on that same story. but they didn't give the background about how the offended neighbor had originally complained about the building height. seems like an appropriate response.
topomodesto 25 Sep 2006
It is WE who are your fire dogs!
Hand-delivered today by Pazen, the greatest pre-birth gift evar. A genuine article Ren & Stimpy fire dogs game! I'll be playing this at the head of the bed, Graf.
YouTube of the episode after the jump. Go waste nine minutes of your life.
Comments
Andrew,
I guess I will take my soccer ball back then.
Nora 21 Sep 2006
Hah! Nora, I LOVE the soccer ball! I don't think the nurses will let me juggle it in the labor and delivery room, though.
andrew 21 Sep 2006
this is a perfect excuse to fire up that embedded Flash MP3 player, andrew... get cracking on that and share the joy of that theme music in midi format!
pazen 21 Sep 2006
If you're playing this game while I'm birthin' that baby, we're going to have to have a little talk...
Graf 21 Sep 2006
Surely this is an omen and forebodes good things to come with the birth of little firedog.
village elder 22 Sep 2006
What would be even more impressive then this game is if the baby came out playing a miniature verision of the game.
Graf, can you see about making that happen? You might make the news or something if it happened.
nora 22 Sep 2006
Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis!
Comments
I thought the guy who won Survivor 1 was in jail..., then he goes and makes this home-made video. The unblinking stare-thing seems to be working for him.
jpeg 21 Sep 2006
Person One: "You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!"
Person Two: "Well, you've got your Messiah on my genitals!"
Now, this problem would normally be resolved over a simple ape fight . . .
Carl 21 Sep 2006
I would like him to keep his belly button off of my retinas.
kristin 21 Sep 2006
Did him.
Didn't see Jesus.
Talaria 29 Sep 2006
Sheesh.
Students of human behavior, I give you "Hong Kong Bus Uncle," the Youtube clip making it's way around the studio, in which, two strangers on public transportation try to resolve their conflict.
Insanely Agressive Guy: "I'm warning you. I like to fight. Let's shake. I fuck your mother."
Absolutely Passive Guy: "OK"
Comments
"Is my penis attached to your mother"? - Quote of the year!
liz 20 Sep 2006
Yep. That's going in the rotation.
andrew 20 Sep 2006
CNN: Not playing fair
C'mon, how am I supposed to NOT click that? It's a story about boxing apes AND there's video?
Maybe this is why there was a coup in Thailand today. Save the apes!
Comments
The ape ring girl w/ the red bikini did it for me. Time to shut down the internet...it's purpose has been served.
motero 20 Sep 2006
Great, now what am I suppose to do with all these tickets to the (canceled) ape fights?
Carl 21 Sep 2006
My aunt and uncle had 10 kids with the two youngest being boys. When they were growing up, the older brothers and sisters used to make the two youngest box in their shorts (when my aunt and uncle went out, they would rope off the living room and invite the neighborhood kids over). This story reminds me of that (sans the Bornese,monkeys and red bikini's of course)
nora 21 Sep 2006
Just keepin' the streak alive
Today is Talk Like A Pirate Day. We totally missed it, people.
Comments
Not only did most of us miss TLAPD but the some of you missed the most resent'Wife Swap' starring the creator of said holiday!
liz 20 Sep 2006
Baby Falconer Betting Pool
Okay here it is: the first entry into the Firedog pool.
Winner gets to be spit-up on first!
Birth Date: Monday Sept. 25th at 9:45pm
Length: 18in
Weight: 8lbs 2oz.
Comments
I pick Monday Sept 25th at 9:43pm
jpeg 19 Sep 2006
Damn you and your 'Price is Right' ways. I shake my fist in your general direction jpeg!
liz 19 Sep 2006
Just a little advice to potential punters. He ain't coming early. (Projected due date: Oct. 5th.)
I'll throw in an incentive. Winner gets to come over and change diapers for a whole day.
andrew 19 Sep 2006
I say Sunday Oct. 8th at 12:28 am. I think Firedog likes to rock it out Saturday night. I'm also seeing a D.R., or possibly a K. as initials -- call me crazy...
karen 19 Sep 2006
I am going Oct 3rd @ 11:43 am.
I think Firedog wants to hurry up and meet the freaks. (In all fairness, I am referring to this whole group and not specifically Lisa and Andrew.)
Kristin 19 Sep 2006
I am going early, since my sister went delivered early. I am going Oct 2 @ 12:20AM.
nora 19 Sep 2006
I'd also like to point out that the permalink file name for this post is "baby_falconer_betting_poo" Just sayin'.
andrew 19 Sep 2006
Hello People!?!?! Length and Weight?
liz 19 Sep 2006
Sorry! To confirm, my full bets are:
TIME: Sunday Oct. 8th, 12:28am
LENGTH: 20 inches
WEIGHT: 7 pounds, 10 oz
RACE: 25% Korean, 75% Honky
karen 20 Sep 2006
the chinese clock says: october 10, 2006, 3:30pm
hello kitty 20 Sep 2006
Consarn it baby falconer! ...making a liar out of uncle jpeg. I'm going to adjust my estimate and say baby f. will be born on Oct 6 at 7:22 p.m.. I don't know anything about baby weight and size, so I'll say 8 pounds, 17 inches.
jpeg 02 Oct 2006
Okay, so now Firedog is officially going to either be on time or late! Sorry to disappoint those of you who thought he'd be early!
Graf 04 Oct 2006
I am picking Tuesday, October 10th. (10/10 - or 10x10, a nice computational set of digits for that mad thinker father of his)
In an effort to be kind to Lisa, I won't go to 10 pounds, though... I will guess 8 lbs, 2 oz, and 19 inches.
So it is written, so it shall be...
pazen 04 Oct 2006
I'm a muse
My sister just emailed me to inform me that I am the subject of a song.
This morning AJ was zooming his little red car (that he won at Chuck E. Cheese's) singing, "Uncle Andrew, Uncle Andrew, Un-clllllle Andrew, Uncle Andrew...
Attaboy...
Comments
Hey! I wrote that song, and i own the rights to it. That kid owes me some royalties.
big hollywood lawyer 20 Sep 2006
What, Prince's "Sexy Motherfucker" didn't count?
Casey Kasem 20 Sep 2006
How one convalescing Vegas magician celebrates Oktoberfest...
I for one am happy that Roy is back in beer swillin' shape. Take that, Montecore! (Thanks, Zena)
Comments
From the "My Fans are Meatheads" Dept.
In the wake of "wildlife warrior bloke" Steve Irwin's death, his duuuuuuuuumbest supporters have apparently concluded that the animal kingdom must be punished. Up to 10 mutilated stingrays have washed up in coastal waters since his death.
The stingrays probably have a larger capacity for abstract thought, but God love em, these fans sure can connect the dots.
Comments
Where's Aquaman when you really need him for a PSA?
Carl 17 Sep 2006
Hard To Handle
Graf: Do you think Firedog will hear some song we sing but change the lyrics to and think, "Hey, that's the ____ song!"
Me: I was thinking about that the other day, actually. I was listening to the Toots & The Maytals version of "Hard To Handle" and thought there's a lot of people who just think that's a Black Crowes song. Then I was thinking about what songs Firedog will be listening to when he's a teenager or something, and some new artist will cover some song from 20 years ago, and he'll think it's something totally new.
Graf: Yeah, and we'll have to say, "No! You've got to hear the ORIGINAL Givin' Up The Nappy Dugout. That's waaaaay better!"
Comments
Oh man, don't you know you're not supposed to post stuff like that? DCFS will be at our door so fast...
Graf 15 Sep 2006
Class Act
Nancy Grace, nostrils flared and full of self-righteousness, has finally badgered a guest until she killed herself.
Update: Given the chance to modify her comments today, Grace said that Guilt must've drove the woman to kill herself.
Comments
This woman should be chunked, flaked and force fed to Ann Coulter in some manner of pita-type sandwich.
Carl 16 Sep 2006
Look at that picture of her! How do you get that smug?
jpeg 17 Sep 2006
does she have some disease that makes her eyebrows that way?
topomodesto 25 Sep 2006
Clown Meat!
80% pork. 20% face. Preservatives and colour. Yum!
Comments
because sometimes, you just want to chew on a clown's face.
jpeg 15 Sep 2006
Tastes like cigarettes and cheap booze, smells like greasepaint and sex.
Carl 15 Sep 2006
The face looks waay different when your in the bathroom doing number 2.....
nora 15 Sep 2006
GODDAMNIT!!!!!! Sorry I'm retarded.
http://www.tomarma.com/Stock/Xmas/Closeups/GingerbreadMan.jpg
liz 15 Sep 2006
Mommy, why is my open-face sandwich winking at me?
Firedog of the Future 15 Sep 2006
This just gives me another reason to hate clowns. Oh and my sister thought that this clown/probable hobo/bologna was adorable, but I shouldn't talk, cuz I thought Gingerbreadman baby uniform picture that Liz posted was adorable.
nora 15 Sep 2006
Crime that doesn't happen in Paris
The latest from my local paper's Police Log:
"A woman removed 24 bars of soap from Walgreen's, 916 Madison St, wihout paying at 5:45 pm Sept. 3."
[Wait for it!] She got away clean. [ba-doom!]
Camus in grave: "Mon dieu! C'est absurd!"
Comments
What would a French chick do with all that soap . . . use them for some type of creamy sauce base?
Carl 13 Sep 2006
Checked Luggage is for Suckers
Article about banned items still getting on planes, by mistake or by intention:
"A 33-year-old teacher, (let's call her Taffy Gotrocks of say... Santa Barbara, CA) who was traveling with her 7-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter, brought her cosmetics in her backpack on her flight Friday morning. At first, she admitted to a reporter that she was carrying a $75 hydrating gel in her backpack. Then, she revealed lip gloss, toothpaste, a bottle of expensive Chanel perfume and a $300 container of facial cleanser.
Screeners never noticed the items, which she had no intention of checking, she said.
"There is no way I'm putting my Chanel in a checked bag," said Ms. Gotrocks. Then she looked down at her two children, "Who knows what's in their bags? the fucking maid packed them...." as she put out a lit cigarette on little Billy's head."
oy vey. All italicized remarks provided to you by jpeg.
Comments
Dimanche, Dimanche, Dimaaaaaaaanche...*
(*Sunday, Sunday, Suuuuundaaay...)
All, I'm sayin' is, the french ain't pretentious! (Although you'd never see this ad in the Metro on the west side of the city.) Cliquez moi a regardez plus!
Also:
- I have become addicted to Coke made with real sugar, as opposed to fructose stateside.
- French laundromats suck. There is no earthly reason for a hour-long washing machine cycle.
- This weekend there's something called "Patrimoine Days", in which famous buildings that are not open to the public, are opened; to show the public what they own. Sounds like a holiday invented for architecture nerds.
Comments
Dude, Grave Digger's gonna be there!?!?! Suh-weeeet!
andrew 13 Sep 2006
Paris Update: Animals
Last night we were playing 'Taboo' at one of the apartments:
Emily (offering a clue): This is something you can't take with you on a plane
Erin: SNAKES!!!
(The correct word was knife or something.)
We all left at midnight to catch the last metro. While we stood around waiting for a straggler at the corner, a bird crapped on my head... at midnight! I'm sure it's the animal world taking their revenge on me for being so chilly about the Croc hunter.
Comments
That was a specially-trained French attack bird. They have a secret government program to teach them how to shit on Americans.
Just wear your Jerry Lewis mask and you'll be fine.
(New House 8 Rule: Every time jpeg posts from Paris, someone is required to make a Jerry Lewis joke. Trust me, it'll NEVER get old.)
andrew 10 Sep 2006
Yeah, and they have them in Germany too.
Just wear your David Hasselhoff mask and you'll be fine.
Markus Arelius 10 Sep 2006
Wow, talk about foreign intrigue . . . what would the countersign be for "The bird defecates on the American at midnight."?
Carl 10 Sep 2006
It was a wet, splattery dump.
jpeg 11 Sep 2006
I want the next President to be a Trekkie
I was reading an article about Star Trek creator Gene Rodenberry (**NERD ALERT**) that made me think about our current Administrations world view. The article mentioned key ethics written into the original show and the theory of "cultural relativism" which makes six basic claims:
1. Different societies have different moral codes.
2. There is no objective standard that can be used to judge one societal code better than another.
3. The moral code of our own society has no special status; it is merely one among many.
4. There is no "universal truth" in ethics - that is, there are no moral truths that hold for all people at all times.
5. The moral code of a society determines what is right within that society; that is, if the moral code of a society says that a certain action is right, then that action is right, at least within that society.
6. It is mere arrogance for us to try to judge the conduct of other peoples. We should adopt an attitude of tolerance toward the practices of other cultures.
While I don't really think these lines of reasoning would work so well in the real world, it called-out certain qualities that I very much would like to see more of.
Comments
I would want the next President to be a... ahem... Trekker just for the Bush/Cheney fan fiction possibilities.
http://gorillamask.net/startreknin.shtml
Gomez 11 Sep 2006
Ain't that just Dwell
Many many years ago, my family met a couple of families from Canada while on vacation. Year after year, our families would see each other over the holidays as we lounged on the beach, the dads camped under a large island pine tree telling lies, drinking beer, reading books and snoring.
Through these relationships, my dad eventually started a small company, Solarcone, to distribute an environmentally-friendly food waste digester called the Green Cone, a product invented by one of his fellow beach loungers. Essentially a super-efficient solar trap, the Green Cone evaporates water content from food and accelerates the breakdown process, resulting in compost.
For years my dad pretty much ran this as a hobby side business. After he died, my sister took over the day-to-day operations and has continued to expand Solarcone's reach, forging new relationships with universities, municipalities and other environmentally-focused businesses. Last year Element (my company) built an online store for her, which (IMHO) has been fairly successful.
Dwell Magazine is featuring the Green Cone in the Dwell Labs section of the October 2006 issue. I haven't seen it yet, but I'll hopefully have a copy in my hands later today.
Congrats, Sarah!
UPDATE Wow! Looks fantastic. p. 161.
Comments
Yes, congratulations. My friend who just got back from Europe was telling me how it's second nature there to compost and that we're living in the environmental Dark Ages and I thought of Solarcone. If i ever cooked instead of using my oven to store out of season clothes, I would totally use one! Here's to Solarcone!
Karen 08 Sep 2006
Holy shit! I've got that Dwell right in front of me . . . Solarcone has a 1/2 page writeup on Pg. 161. Nice job!
Carl 08 Sep 2006
Congrads Sarah and Andres. If I had a backyard/garage I would go out and get one.
nora 08 Sep 2006
Congratulations Cousin Sarah!!!!!!!
Cousin Lloyd would be so proud of you!!!!! Keep up the determanation!!
Great report Cousin Andrew!! Enjoyed reading how this all started had never heard that story.
Keep up your great work also, you both will go far!!
Always remember Dad's thinking its not always what you know but WHO!!!!
Cousin Barb
Cousin Barb 13 Sep 2006
Windy City Gone Wimpy
Nick Gillespie's take on the recent slew of nanny state ordinances to pass through the Chicago city council.
But it turns out that Chicago is a sissy town because that "stormy, husky, brawling … City of the Big Shoulders," in Carl Sandburg's evocative 1916 poem, seems hellbent on putting a chokehold on just about everything that makes a city a city. Namely, fun. Local pols evidently are more dedicated to rooting out gluttony among residents than reining in a police department neck deep in an ugly torture scandal.
Comments
None of this Chicago bashing makes L.A. less of a hell-hole. At least we don't have the the worst traffic in the US, skyrocketing crime, a shitty housing market, bars that close at 2:00 or earlier, staggering unemployment, Mel Gibson, smog . . . even the L.A. public is worse than ours. How can he rag about our smoking ban when L.A. had one first?
Carl 07 Sep 2006
I meant to say "L.A. public school system".
Carl 07 Sep 2006
What the...? Gomez would prefer the government be used to reign in the police, instead of just the same old tried-and-true voter-bating on trivial issues? OK, "Gomez," who is this really?
jpeg 08 Sep 2006
Chicago IS brutish. More doilies would go a long way towards fixing everything; from school truancy to prostitution. My piece of legislation (bill# 721332) will address just that.
muffin 08 Sep 2006
It may be illegal to sell dat der duck liver whatchoomacllits (too bad, cus dey weres really good on a kielbasa. Oh yeaaah...) But who would win, LA or Da Beaaarrrrssssss? What's that? Tinseltown ain't got no NFL team?
Ditka 183, LA -11
Superfan 08 Sep 2006
I would rather that Chicago have the impression of being brutish and maybe a little controling then the fucking stupid impressions that have been established on such shows as SNL and Jay Leno.
What makes Chicago look pathetic is the idea that we are nothng but beer drinking, football loving mobsters who eat beef sandwiches and hotdogs for every meal. I would rather have us look more health conscious then LA and caring about animal rights issues then NYC...
nora 08 Sep 2006
Yeah, but would you rather have prawns for nipples or leave a trail of paprika everywhere you go?
Wimposter 10 Sep 2006
See ya, slimey!
Rat-like politician & lapdog Tony Blair will resign in the next eight months, sooner if he continues to fuck up as Bush's little bitch. One little Hitler down, one to go.
Comments
Southern Belles dumping Bush
"I think history will show him to be the worst president..." said Barbara Knight, a self-described Republican since birth and the mother of three. "He's been an embarrassment. I'm going to go for the moderate, and these days that tends to be Democrats," Knight said.
Sandy Rubin, a high school teacher in Macon, who voted for Bush, said the GOP's focus on issues that appeal to social conservatives, such as gay marriage and abortion, have turned her off. "I care about job security and education. The things I hear the Republicans emphasizing in their campaigns are not things that affect me or my family," said the 39-year-old mother of two.
However... at a watermelon festival in Chickamauga, in the mountains of northwest Georgia, substitute teacher Clydeen Tomanio said she remains committed to the party she's called home for 43 years. "There are some people, and I'm one of them, that believe George Bush was placed where he is by the Lord," Tomanio said. "I don't care how he governs, I will support him. I'm a Republican through and through."
Comments
Thanks for those warm thoughts, Clydeen. It's always nice to hear from the Chickamauga chapter of the American Taliban.
Carl 07 Sep 2006
watermelon festival in Chickamauga? man, Gomez was right, chicago IS a hellhole! I gotz to have me summa dat!
pazen 07 Sep 2006
Crikey
Mullet-sporting Steve Irwin is dead at 44 of a stingray barb to the heart. "The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist" it says here.
I seem to remember a lot of needless deep thumbing of snake rectums, and the like.
Comments
I've actually seen someone (up close) with a stingray barb jammed through their lower leg and let me tell you, this dude died in a truely fucked up fashion.
I wouldn't go so far as to say he deserved it but I'd bet there are a lot of dissappointed crocs out there that were looking forward to chewing his face off.
Carl 04 Sep 2006
Remind me not to annoy you guys. I don't want you to make snarky postings when I go. Yikes!
il_postino 05 Sep 2006
Already got it written, Tim! Zing!
andrew 05 Sep 2006
If you'd wish to send a condolence card to Steve Irwin's family (he is survived by a wife and two children), you may do so at this address:
The Steve Irwin Family
Australia Zoo
Glasshouse Mountains Tourist Rte
Beerwah QLD 4519
AUSTRALIA
Carl 05 Sep 2006
Guess you could say he didn't have a "G'Day"...
motero 05 Sep 2006
Posty, I don't think you're going to be impaled on a stingray barb... and I promise only to say nice things about you.
The details of Irwin's death are truly awful, but one can't be surprised that someone who continually placed himself in harm's way, got harmed. Aussie Germaine Greers hostile take on the topic* makes my remark look like a tribute, but she cuts throught some of the B.S..
http://www.guardian.co.uk/australia/story/0,,1865124,00.html
An observer might have reasonably suspected that Irwin was reckless all along, and his death suggests he was. It's a tragedy that his kids will grow up without a father. It's another tragedy that a father could use such bad judgement, by continuing such a reckless career. His goofiness and machismo were his claim to fame. Now everyone wants to forget the goofiness.
Would a mother who took this path and left kids behind, be let off the hook?
jpeg 05 Sep 2006
So Johnny Jpeg, does this mean that anyone who has a risky career should change their profession because they have children? What about police officers, fire fighters, construction workers,etc. Under this agruement, then these workers are using poor judgements and leading lives that are detremental(?) to their children.
I agree part of his appeal was this bs macho austrailan crap that for me was annoying, but in this case, I don't think he was putting himself in extreme danger. Thousands of people have swam near stingrays, I just think in this case it was a fluke.
nora 05 Sep 2006
Jpeg, your response couldn't be more eloquently written & with all respect… maybe you should've let rigamortis set in before atatcking the poor little goofball. By crikey he was a nutbag but he was also a damn entertaining one! I for one, will miss his alligator-ass-fingering antics.
liz 05 Sep 2006
Many differences: The world requires police & firemen. Municipalities aren't exactly experiencing a shortage of snake-asshole fingerers.
And yeah, you'd have to persoanlly assess if being a cop or fireman is a wise choice if you have small kids.
Again, if a woman chose this career and died, people would be lining up to call her a bonehead.
jpeg 06 Sep 2006
how bout a little respect for the poor lug? this is a tragedy, and slimy fingers and all, the guy had quite a life, travelling the world and preaching conservationism... oh, now I get it, you think a CONSERVATIVE died. Stop that jig, jackass... ;-D
pazen 07 Sep 2006
How quick we forget . . . the last time he made the news was when he was dangling his infant son and a dead chicken in front of a hungry croc.
I think it's odd how the media spun his reputation after his demise. Never did I hear the word "conservationist" applied to him while he was alive.
Carl 08 Sep 2006
#2 Steps in Number Two.
Big News!
The next #2 al Qaida guy has been arrested. That makes seven number twos in two years. If you were al Qaida #3 and they tried to promote you, you'd have to be flattered of course, but gosh, don't take that business card that says you're #2.
Jeepers, take agent 1.9 or 2.5 or something.
2 is just unlucky.
Comments
Hoover this!
I've been assured (by an instructor) that Paris used to be knee deep in dog-shit (although I don't recall a problem on my last visit) just as reputed, and the problem became ridiculous in the 90s. It's really cleaned up now thanks to a penalty system (135E) that was instituted after the previous solution was laughed off the streets. The city had a fleet of two-wheeled vehicles with huge vacuum bags that would drive around sucking up the offending crap. They entered the french lexicon as "merde-mobiles."
Comments
Chez Jpeg
Click to see the rest of my street, rue Keller.
Comments
I see no "Le Titty Bar" on your street . . . maybe I should rethink my December visit.
Carl 05 Sep 2006
I do have a "Born Bad" merchandise shop.
jpeg 05 Sep 2006
John Mark Karr Superstar
OK, so it's not like this isn't getting enough press already . . . but come on!
This dude couldn't overpower a little girl if his life depended on it. About the only thing he seems guilty of is wearing too much eyeliner and maybe wearing white pumps after Labor Day.
While we're on the subject of the media and finding various "at-large" killers . . . Osama Bin Laden, anyone?
Comments
I wanted to post something crediting you with predicting this aborted indictment, but I've been stuck in class. Remember how reluctant the DA was when she did the Q & A session before Karr left Thailand, like she knew it would go nowhere... but had to follow orders.
jpeg 30 Aug 2006
There's not doubt that this guy is a skag of the highest order but it sounds like he wanted to add the Ramsey killing to his garden variety pedaphelia leanings and then sell his story for some big $$$.
The media scooped this poison up and dumped it on all over us . . . what a shock.
You gotta figure if a high-profile murder like this goes unsolved for ten years, it will take nothing short of a deathbed confession before it reaches closure.
Carl 30 Aug 2006
More from france
I'm still in Paris...
Looks like it will be an exciting semester. We're going to be doing a six day tour of major cities (Marseilles, Bourdeaux, Lille) and seeing some major architectural shit on the TGV (180 mph). Perhaps you remember it from Mission Imposible. I don't think it's orange anymore. Also, regular walking tours of Paris.
Comments
God bless this hideous orange colored rocket train and all those who dwell in this hideous orange colored rocket train......
nora 28 Aug 2006
mAhh technologie!
I'm crouched in a doorway in Paris, poaching somebodies wifi on 8% battery strength. Got here fine. One of the flight attendants on Aer Lingus was wearing green eyeshadow. Very unflattering.
French people very nice. Bought groceries this morning: "Bonjour... Je cherche pour le papier hygenique... et une banane" (Hi I'm looking for toilet paper, and a banana.) It sounds pretty bad out of context.
More on the next charge, and the next wifi link.
All my l'amour, jpeg.
Comments
Don't you mean "Freedom Wipe and a bannana"?
Dubya 26 Aug 2006
Yay! A Jpeg in Paris. Please have a pain au chocolate for me.
andrew 26 Aug 2006
Typically I start a conversation with anyone over here with "Hello cheese-eating surrender monkey! Let me teach you evrything my country knows about pre-emptive war" then I just sit there in silence.
jpeg 27 Aug 2006
John, I believed you up until "...then I just sit there in silence."
Remember: Jpeg + Beret + Camera = Hilarity. Get on it.
andrew 27 Aug 2006
Johnny,
I believe the French also love when Americans say "We saved your ass during WW11"...But say it in a Jerry Lewis voice, so they can appreciate you even more.
Nora 27 Aug 2006
How do you say "Hoyven, maven, glaven" in French?
Carl 27 Aug 2006
We did save France, but in doing so our military acknowledged a debt was being repaid to Lafayette a french citizen, who was central in our own revolution. (See "Lafayette, we are here.")
jpeg 28 Aug 2006
John, in honor of your new home i had french toast and french fries with french dressing on them - it was awesome.
Karen 28 Aug 2006
"Tomorrow the internet will prove me right."
Words to live by. Eternally optimistic that somewhere out there, someone has posted something that proves your point. You hope. If not, just make it up and post it yourself. It's online, it has to be true!
[Hat tip, Scot]
Comments
The Superficial Friends
Ow! Use of irony! Hurting my brain!
[via Phillyist]
Comments
That's hot.
kfed 26 Aug 2006
Rich, Creamy Ordeal
A 21 year old employee of Debells Corp, a chocolate concern, fell into a vat of viscous chocolate and underwent a two-hour nightmare last Friday. Darmin Garcia said he was pushing the chocolate down into the vat because it was stuck, when it loosened unexpectedly and he slid into the hopper.
"It was in my hair, in my ears, my mouth, everywhere," said Garcia, who has worked at the company for two years. "I felt like I weighed 900 pounds. I couldn't move."
Police and firefighters tried to free him but couldn't get him loose until the chocolate was thinned out with cocoa butter. Garcia was pronounced delicious, treated for minor injuries and released.
Comments
Suddenly the Deliverance pardon doesn't seem so weird
U.S. News & World Report: "Dubya loves a good fart joke."
Animal House in the West WingHe loves to cuss, gets a jolly when a mountain biker wipes out trying to keep up with him, and now we're learning that the first frat boy loves flatulence jokes. A top insider let that slip when explaining why President Bush is paranoid around women, always worried about his behavior. But he's still a funny, earthy guy who, for example, can't get enough of fart jokes. He's also known to cut a few for laughs, especially when greeting new young aides, but forget about getting people to gas about that.
(Thanks, Gary)
Comments
Dubya Pardons Uncle Jesse
Bush continued to handle the truly important matters of the country last week, with the Presidential pardon of a moonshinin' extra from the movie Deliverance.
I could not make this up if I tried.
[Randall Leece] Deal's "Deliverance" performance consisted of a single line: "It ain't nothing but the biggest [expletive] river in the state!" For the record, Deal did not play one of the surly locals involved in an infamous rape scene with actor Ned Beatty.
Do you think if he had been involved in the rape scene, he'd get some sort of medal from this administration?
Comments
Cletus for President in '08! Ernest T. Bass would make a perfect VP.
Carl 21 Aug 2006
"Moonshining was a common practice in the South in the 1960s, Deal said. He also pointed out that he was not in it for the money, but was more interested in the fun and camaraderie of the enterprise."
That's why I sell meth! It's like an Oprah's book club, but with less teeth. BTW: I am fully behind Ernet T's "Throw a Rock at Iraq" foreign policy. Yee-fucking-haw!
il_postino 23 Aug 2006
Pazen is a Whiteboy
But, of course, we already knew that.
Here's De La's opening from last night.
Comments
I never signed any release for this footage - I demand the camera to be turned over to me immediately. yeah, yeah, that is right, I am white... and let me tell you, that is some decent dancing after dropping a 31 minute 5 miler! thanks for not posting the clip of me nearly falling over leaning on one leg.
but remember, being white means never having to say you're sorry. Even if you are a sorry ass muthafuckah.
pazen 18 Aug 2006
I'm very grateful (so far) that footage of myself dancing doesn't seem to exist.
jpeg 18 Aug 2006
I am so bummed I just had my bachelorette party. Pazen would have been such a hit in the white-ass south!
kristin 20 Aug 2006
said go white boy, go white boy go!
adream 20 Aug 2006
respect.
adream 20 Aug 2006
Hey Paz, this one's for you:
http://www.algoriddim.net/index.html
QTip 20 Aug 2006
Sellaband
Interesting concept. Pimp your favorite struggling local band, invest a little dough, and get a cut if they succeed.
Comments
Bye Bye L.A.
Hello interminable flight to Paris without carry-on luggage, or electronics.
I leave my job in an hour. I leave L.A. at 8pm.
Comments
Jpeg, technically we haven't banned carry-on electronics yet. Now, we would like to speak to you about that bottle of Jack Daniels...
Have you considered crusing the Atlantic?
Michael Chertoff 11 Aug 2006
A TransAtlantic crossing via tramp steamer (accompanied by a case of scotch) sounds like heaven.
Carl 11 Aug 2006
Bon Voyage! Hope you have a great trip... even without the ipod.
mollusk 11 Aug 2006
I'm flying UK-based Aer Lingus, indirect. I have a three hour Dublin layover. No elecs allowed for the UK!
Jpeg 15 Aug 2006
At least it sounds like yer gonna get yer Mile High Club card punched. Aer Lingus? I hardly know her! Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy!
Quagmire 15 Aug 2006
I'd like to perform aerlingus on the UK!
lingus_this! 15 Aug 2006
Doo-duh-dooo, dum dum (happy humming)
Bush Backers May Abandon Republicans
Fewer than 100 days before the Nov. 7 election, an AP-Ipsos poll suggests the midterms are clearly turning into a national referendum on Bush. More sobering for the GOP are the number of voters who backed Bush in 2004 who are ready to vote Democratic in the fall's congressional elections. Two years after giving the Republican president another term, more than half of these voters - 57 percent - disapprove of the job Bush is doing. His handling of nearly every issue, from the Iraq war to foreign policy, contributed to the president's decline around the nation, even in the Republican-friendly South.
"The signs now point to the most likely outcome of Democrats gaining control of the House," said Robert Erikson, a Columbia University political science professor.
Comments
The last 7 years of damage will take at least another 25 years to repair. Better grab a mop and bucket all you Dems.
Carl 11 Aug 2006
"The signs now point to the most likely outcome of Democrats gaining control of the House".
Gee, do you think so? Ddrrrr! Boy, I'm glad aprofessor is in the article to explain these things!
I don't want to hear '04 voters for Bush complain about the almost certain economic recession in '07, the declining value of the US dollar, and the almost certain tax increases in 2008. It's now inevitable in order to put our fiscal house back in order, and Dems will be again associated with raising taxes.
It will take decades for the Republicans to correct the political fallout of Bush.
But more importantly, China will jump America as the most powerful economic power by 2010. That will be Bush's legacy. His foreign policies and rampant spending drove America off a cliff.
MarkusArelius 11 Aug 2006
Maybe I should send Moose and Rocko over to the White House and help GW find his wallet.
Fat Tony 11 Aug 2006
I wouldn't belong to any club willing to have someone like me as one of it's members.*
FIle under "Even more deeply confused":
Gay Candidate (R) against gay marriage
* Groucho must've been clairvoyant.
Comments
Dude, now I'm completely confused.
MarkusArelius 11 Aug 2006
Net Neutrality!
Comments
Brilliant! it's all my favorite nerds from internet make-believe land!
Moby did a video too, making himself look pretty silly for the cause of net neutrality. link
mollusk 10 Aug 2006
Ummmm, yeah... After watchin' that, we can pretty much shut the whole thing down.
That was an amazing collection of freaks. Not "We Are The World" caliber, but that's pretty much gotta be right around the corner, huh? Who can we call to make that happen?
Dammit, I think I just gave away my million dollar idea.
andrew 10 Aug 2006
It's always good to see something like this that distances Dems from the real nuts jobs.
Carl 11 Aug 2006
More like gender neutrality . . . this spot could double as a PSA in favor of chemical castration.
Newt 11 Aug 2006
Does anyone have her phone number? She's kind of cute.
Markus Arelius 11 Aug 2006
Deeply-conflicted Ass Hat loses Primary
The phlegmatic contrarian took it like a 5-yr old.
On an completely shallow and unrelated note he is one homely man.
Comments
What a shock . . . he's got the conviction and charisma of a dish rag.
Carl 09 Aug 2006
...and he's tone-deaf to his constituents. But even if he splits the democratic vote, a shot has been fired over the republican bow. In a perfect world, it wouldn't even have been close. Can anyone name a single success involving the Bush team? It's been 5 years of non-stop debacles. (J.L. is essentially a contemptuous republican.) See ya Joe. Welcome to your complete irrelevance.
jpeg 09 Aug 2006
But even if he splits the democratic vote, a shot has been fired over the republican bow.
I'm not quite sure this is true. Admittedly, the upcoming elections are the democrat's to lose, but then again so was 2004. The shunning of party centrists will only turn away swing demographic voters who are uncomfortable with the extreme wings of both parties.
His decision to run as an independent and forgo partison hackishness is going to be... er... interesting political theater.
Gomez 09 Aug 2006
Yes, you'll never go broke betting against the dems.
jpeg 09 Aug 2006
It's all relative. Even moderate lefty views have been moved to the far left, by the nutjobs in D.C.. Being against a war without a clue or a plan is extreme? Only in Roves puppet theater.
Bushy 09 Aug 2006
Look, Lieberman supported Bush's anti-terror doctrine (war against Taliban in Afghanistan, war against (now) everyone-under-the-freaking-sun in Iraq) because he believed it was the right position for America to take.
Most Americans saw eye-to-eye on Afghanistan. Lieberman's biggest mistake was blindly supporting Bush's Iraq doctrine, which following f-up after f-up, most Americans don't believe in anymore or don't agree with at all. This will be a huge problem for incumbent democrats who took a similar supportive line for Bush, and it will be a shit storm issue for incumbent Republicans who may run on the "everything is just freaking hunky dorry with the economy and Iraq, therefore vote for me". By the way, while I think Iraq is an explosive issue for November elections, just wait until Americans get a load of the economic numbers by that time. The Fed's rate pause yesterday has only ensured that U.S. inflation will roar and that the value of the dollar will plummet. Combine that with skyrocketing energy prices - all very bad news for American families. Man, if you are a Republican incumbent, how do you distance yourself from both Bush econ policy AND Iraq policy?
MarkusArelius 09 Aug 2006
And yes, for the record, Lieberman's jowls are downright scary as hell.
MarkusArelius 09 Aug 2006
Without Delay...
Hold on a minute, I need to enjoy this...
Comments
I think the Dems should let them take his name off the ballot - but only if it's replaced by a general "Tom DeLay's Bitch" for the Republican nominee.
andrew 08 Aug 2006
Uh, JPEG? The Masturbateathon is over there... ;-)
peanut gallery 08 Aug 2006
whoops... context is everything.
jpeg 08 Aug 2006
Campaing finance reform from 2002 is finally paying some dividends. I hope the other corrupt bastards in Washington are taking notes about DeLay's experiences...
MarkusArelius 08 Aug 2006
Masturbate-a-thon
Hundreds expected to come to (and at) Britains Masturbate-a-thon.
"The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve," the Web site said. There can be no touching of other participants nor are people allowed to fake orgasms.
Comments
Seems like this contest awards the laziest masturbaters, or those with numb equipment.
dr Ruth 07 Aug 2006
Damn it, if things are getting a little competitive in this world!
MarkusArelius 08 Aug 2006
Surely, the American Council for the Blind are protesting this event?
MarkusArelius 08 Aug 2006
For the life of me, I can't think of one thing in the UK to jack off to.
Carl 08 Aug 2006
Doesn't the senate have this competition every week?
winstar 09 Aug 2006
What We Need: A Global War On Bathtubs
We're gonna fight 'em in the showroom, so we don't have to fight 'em in the bathroom.
"A False Sense of Insecurity?", a must-read paper on assessing the risk of terrorism.
...in almost all years, the total number of people worldwide who die at the hands of international terrorists anywhere in the world is not much more than the number who drown in bathtubs in the United States.
As soon as we're done with bathtubs, it's on to lightning, and Q's favorite conspiracy target, DEER.
Comments
What about them damn "Killer Bees" that were suppose to have invaded our country and killed us while we napped in backyard hammocks, etc.?
Carl 07 Aug 2006
Proudly Selling Out for Andrew
Here I am making good on a dare to wear Andrew's "Still Believing the Lies" shirt at a Nonagon gig. More documentation here.
Comments
Suhweet! Well played, Gomez. Sorry I wasn't there for the unveiling.
andrew 07 Aug 2006
HA!
Robert - do you have any tracks available online? Do you cover Tom Sawyer?
OK, I kid... no, really, where's your Myspace page?
Chris 07 Aug 2006
What more proof do you need...
...that Iraq is a Civil war?
Bush's team has begun to develop a contingency plan "if" Iraq becomes a Civil War. Given that Bush acknowledges reality years after reality arrives, they've known it's a Civil War for years.
The plan involves smarmy language like "the troops will be removed immediately if a CW develops, so our boys won't be caught in the middle of it." Umm. too late for that dickless, "our boys" have been given nothing precise to do there; no line to advance, no line to hold, and their life consists of getting shot at, and executing misconceived strategies that escalate tensions. We're a referee in a civil war because Bush didn't even know there were different sects in Iraq that would bust out in conflict just weeks before the invasion. You don't need knowledge when God talks to you.
On an unrelated note, how long would a man be allowed to botch foreign policy as badly as Condi Rice? The woman is an ineffective dope.
Comments
There has been a civil war in Iraq ever since Bush was helicoptered off the aircraft carrier following his dumbass "Mission Accomplished" speech. There's no clear, achievable U.S. military objective in Iraq. After 2 1/2 years the Iraqi army is only partially trained and operational, the Iraqi police forces, especially in Baghdad, largely consist of Sunni mercenaries and ultra-radical Saddamists. There's no end in sight to the Sunni-Shia violence. The economy is paralyzed except for small, highly-protected oil industry tranactions. Bush is just going through the motions. He says he cares, but he doesn't understand the complexity of Iraq. He cohorts do, but they know that most Americans are too ignorant and politically inept to demand change.
In addition to the Iraq war fiasco - and not to change the subject- but has anyone recently looked at the trajectory of the US economy? We're on the cusp of the worst recession since '81 led by the burst of the global housing bubble.
MarkusArelius 07 Aug 2006
Freedom of Speech
Iraqis are marching in support of Hezbollah chanting all the typical favorites, Death to Israel...Death to America.
"Saddam and Bush, Two Faces of One Coin" was scrawled on Bush's effigy.
That's a loose translation. I believe another interpretation is "We will be greeted as liberators."
Comments
It looks like the Civics lessons to Iraqis is starting to pay rich dividends. Now if we could just get them to stop shooting at us and each other.
Also I read today that Syrian Christians are supporting Hezbollah as well - And just when Christian conservatives thought they had the teams all figured out in the Middle East game.
Hezbollah, that wacky Party O' God.
MarkusArelius 04 Aug 2006
DESTROY! DESTROY!
Praise Jay-suhs! The power of the internet has been harnessed to root for the complete destruction of the planet which signals the coming of our glorious savior, at Rapture Ready.
Global warming, war... it's all good, you heathen. Maybe if you loved God, you'd litter more.
Comments
Just because Jesus will be arriving any day now to lay the big smackdown on all you sinners doesn't mean that you can't enjoy this delicious collection of recipes lovingly submitted from the kitchens of our rapture-ready brethren. Order your copy now from the rapture-ready cafe press online store. Amen.
mollusk 04 Aug 2006
First of all, I'd just like to point out the not so obvious fact that not all Christians are conservative, war mongering, John Asscroft, G.W. Bush lovers. A lot of them are, but not all of them.
Secondly, in the same way that I am curious as to why radical Muslims show gratitude to Allah by shooting their AK-47s at him in the Heavens, why do so many Christians stretch out their arms or raise their hands like their on drugs at a Grateful Dead concert? It just looks funny to me.
MarkusArelius 04 Aug 2006
...airs out the armpits, markus. cleanliness is next to godliness.
a fresh smelling christian 04 Aug 2006
we're all little god-radios. those are your antennas.
radio shackster 07 Aug 2006
From bad to worse
Comments
Rumsfeld: "Uhhh... duh....urrr..."
All you need to know about our misadventure in Iraq is contained this picture of Mr. McNamara...errr... Rumsfeld (being questioned and attacked yesterday).
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FRENCH fries
Back in 2003, Reps. Bob Ney (What else? - R) and Walter Jones (R), pissed at France for thinking rationally and skipping out on Bush’s misconceived Iraq war crimes, changed "french fries" to "freedom fries" in the House dining hall. Ney (soon to be a felon) remarked "It's just a way of saying "Up Yours!" to France."
This week, long after the argument was lost, they were quietly changed back. Neither Ney nor Jones would say who led the retreat. Not a single Republican would comment on it.
- Neither of the 2 senators earlier clueless belligerence was on display.
- No apology was issued for their original asshole comments.
- Not the slightest effort was made to repair a 230 year-old diplomatic friendship with France.
Would France ever say something as arrogant, dickish and juvenile as that?
How long would it take a deeply self-righteous America to get over a similar comment?
Try saying after me; "The french are still right, the U.S. is still wrong."
Comments
My Fry Daddy still makes Freedom Fries, you cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys! Nyah!
Dickie C. 02 Aug 2006
Freedom fries or not, if you're dipping them in mayo you're a goddamn pinko in my book.
Carl 03 Aug 2006
I used to like French Fries - a lot. With ketchup. But after I saw the failure-of-McDonald's-French Fries-to-decompose-experiment in the film "Super Size Me", I struck them from my list of edible content.
MarkusArelius 03 Aug 2006
9-11.... Cool!
POWELL: Is this real-world or exercise?
BOSTON CENTER: No, this is not an exercise, not a test.
ROUNTREE: Is that real-world?
DOOLEY: Real-world hijack.
WATSON: Cool!
The motive?: "The false testimony served a purpose: to obscure mistakes on the part of the F.A.A. and the military, and to overstate the readiness of the military..."
"How good would it have looked for the government in general if we still couldn't have stopped the fourth plane an hour and 35 minutes [into the attack]? How good would it have looked if there was a total breakdown in communication and nothing worked right?"
American superficiality... still our deepest value.
Comments
Be careful what you say about the lack of military rediness . . . the GOP will just blame the Clinton administration.
Carl 02 Aug 2006
Bush Scapegoat Hamdan Released - No Major Media Outlet Covers the Story.
After 4 years in prison, bogus terrorist suspect Salim Hamdan has been released. A judge had told the racist, activist and opportunist Bush adminstration they don't have a legal leg to stand on. Hamdan was let go today, and after a tearful reunion with his family, was more gracious than anyone deserved.
Apparently it's not patriotic for the media or Bush to admit massive mistakes, whether intentional or clueless.
Watch for a full page ad later this week:
"Unpopular and incompetent administration seeks political scapegoat. Must be non-Caucasian and beyond the interest or defense of the American media. No background in this country preferred. We'll make one up for you..."
...And Where's Osama?
Comments
The Perfect Shitstorm
Wow, Mel G has really got himself in deep.
He's offended jews, cops, women ("What are you looking at Sugartits?") and respectable alcoholics all in one disastrous night. ABC has dropped production of his Holocaust series. And now just to keep the shame fresh, some pix have appeared, of the church-going family man (with seven kids) squeezing anything with mammary glands under 30, a few hours before his DUI.
I give the Gibson marriage a year. Hope the pre-nup was good.
Mel's looking a bit uhhh.... harsh. He should thank god money is an aphrodiasiac, cause the looks are shot.
Comments
Nonagon at The Note
Saturday, August 5TH 2006
9PM * 21+
FROM MONUMENT TO MASSES (from San Francisco, CA)
NONAGON (from Chicago, IL)
DRIFTLESS PONY CLUB (from Madison, WI)
1908 (from Waukegan, IL)
The Note
1565 N. Milwaukee, Chicago
Comments
Huge Campaign Finance Savings Coming Soon To An Election Near You
Politicians soon will be able to divert campaign war chests to a different focus: Finding the best people available to rig the local Diebold voting machines.
Apparently all it takes is a screwdriver. Awesome.
Comments
I'm telling ya... if Dem politicians and liberal others (hint hint) do nothing over this (and really it's too late to anything for November) the U.S. deserves the next bullshit election result it gets. Ya can't just sit on your hands waiting for the pendulum to swing back. The nut-job right didn't gain power passively.
Lecture over.
jpeg 01 Aug 2006
Put down the soup and noone gets hurt!
In what may be the country's first "Bad Samaritan" law, Las Vegas has made it illegal to serve the homeless in parks, with fines coming into force for anyone caught giving hand-outs. Vegas is thought to be the first city to explicitly make it an offense to feed the poor.
Three cheers for laws that foster superficiality!
Comments
Eh, the soup sucks anyway. Who wants to eat soup in 120° heat?
Roy Horn 31 Jul 2006
Has anyone EVER accused Las Vegas of being compassionate?
Founded by the Mob . . . nicked name is "Sin City" . . . I'm detecting a pretty consistant theme.
Carl 31 Jul 2006
To all people living in Vegas, God is going to smoke you.
MarkusArelius 31 Jul 2006
What Would Jesus Drink?
Are the Jews to blame for Mels Gibsons DUI arrest in Malibu Friday morning? (!)
Have the Jews caused all the World Wars?
Is George W. Bush a Jew?
Can a fence be built to keep out Austrailian immigrants?
Is the man suffering from late-stage syphillis?
Are these the kind of leading questions used on Fox News?
(another confirmation)
WOW!
In a surprise development, Gibson has...
- confirmed the nasty rumor the police and the major media caved on
- accepted fault
- apologized for certain despicable statements.
My respect to anyone with money and power who instead uses humility to address their own screw-ups.
Comments
Mel, can I give you a little piece of friendly advice? Don't EVER drink and drive in Malibu! You know why? They FUCK you in Malibu! Ok?
Leo Getz 29 Jul 2006
Gibson played the part of a real nutjob cop in the Lethal Weapon film series. How ironic to be arrested by Malibu cops as a real life nutjob. Look at the man's eyes, Goddamn!
MarkusArelius 30 Jul 2006
I can't decide if this escapade makes him more appealing to me or not but I DO know that if I had 14 kids at home, I'd drink heavily and be pissed at someone . . . probably the Dutch.
Carl 31 Jul 2006
X-Large X-Rays
A Bitish study indicates that more Americans are too fat for x-rays. Previously we were only too fat for ambulances.
Comments
Lake Peigneur
The laws of physics are cool. Watch them in action, kids!
[thanks, Chris]
Comments
Show of hands: who'd like to see the entire South sucked into a swirling vortex?
Carl 28 Jul 2006
You've been a very bad lake, young man! No supper.
Lake Peigneur's mother 28 Jul 2006
The guys from Mythbusters (Discovery Channel) should have viewed this video prior to attemption their "Killer Whirlpool" experiments. Yes, Jamie, a man can be killed by being sucked into a whirlpool!
MarkusArelius 30 Jul 2006
Where's that crazy dutch kid (and his finger) when you need him?
Mrs. j. van der floogel 31 Jul 2006
With Sexy results...
Fresno's KFYE-FM has changed it's format from Christian music, sermons and Bible stories to "Porn Radio" — "all sex radio, all the time," with a suggestion that people under 21 not listen.
Comments
NE Ohio flooded
Graf's family is very lucky to only have a bit of water in their basement. Some of their neighbors...not so much. Never a good sign when you can jet ski down Main Street. And I hear the Chipotle is flooded! Send in the National Guard, people!
Mother Nature 1, Lake County 0.
The Graf family lives on this road.
In Mentor, Hodgson Road between Lost Nation and Rt. 306 is impassable.
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2 Meter Wurst!
Just got back from a trip to Vienna...while I was there, we went to a place called Centimeter, where you can order a 2 Meter Wurst! 200 centimeters of delicious encased meat!
Comments
Mmmm...cased meat rope...
Homer 28 Jul 2006
And each two-meter wurst comes with a free one-meter tapeworm.
jpeg 28 Jul 2006
Mmm... meat. God Bless Amer... uhm. Vienna.
mollusk 28 Jul 2006
Das ist doch wunderschoen! I can't beleef Americanz eats ower helths foodt!
MarkusArelius 29 Jul 2006
Hail Freedonia...
In Duck Soup, the upstart moron leader of Freedonia (Groucho Marx) provokes a war with Sylvania for little more reason than he can't stand it's leader. The world in chaos ensues. Little did we know it was a documentary.
Things turns out better in the movie.
Comments
$weet story
Homeless man finds $21,000 in bonds, returns them to the owner... who gives him a paltry hundred dollar reward (from... I'm guessing a republican)!!!
Offended samaritans have been flooding him with reward money to make up for it.
Comments
$100? What a colossal douchebag!
I'd REALLY like to find out who the owner of those bonds is . . . he needs a major fucking wake-up call.
Carl 27 Jul 2006
Fiasco
Two excerpts from Thomas Ricks' Fiasco: The American Military Adventure in Iraq, published in the Washington Post.
1) In Iraq, Military Forgot the Lessons of Vietnam
On May 16, 2003, L. Paul Bremer III, the chief of the Coalition Provisional Authority, the U.S.-run occupation agency, had issued his first order, "De-Baathification of Iraq Society." The CIA station chief in Baghdad had argued vehemently against the radical move, contending that, "By nightfall, you'll have driven 30,000 to 50,000 Baathists underground. And in six months, you'll really regret this."
He was proved correct, as Bremer's order, along with a second that dissolved the Iraqi military and national police, created a new class of disenfranchised, threatened leaders.
2) It Looked Weird and Felt Wrong
Lt. Col. David Poirier, who commanded a military police battalion attached to the 4th Infantry Division and was based in Tikrit from June 2003 to March 2004, said the division's approach was indiscriminate. "With the brigade and battalion commanders, it became a philosophy: 'Round up all the military-age males, because we don't know who's good or bad.' " Col. Alan King, a civil affairs officer working at the Coalition Provisional Authority, had a similar impression of the 4th Infantry's approach. "Every male from 16 to 60" that the 4th Infantry could catch was detained, he said. "And when they got out, they were supporters of the insurgency."
[via dack]
Comments
I heard some excerpts of this on the radio. I'm buying a copy for reactionary, neo-con parents.
jpeg 27 Jul 2006
This is the war you get when 4 chickenhawks w/o humility or conscience take over.
Jpeg 27 Jul 2006
Mellified Man
Two Words: Band Name.
I now know how I want to go out. Eatin', shittin' and swimmin' in honey.
Comments
Sadly, I'll probably go out eating dog food, shitting broken glass and swimming in debt.
Carl 26 Jul 2006
A culture made up of only Joe Rogan's descendants might find you delicious too.
Jpeg 27 Jul 2006
Boy-Band Member: "I like Boys"
Lance Bass, his eyebrows tweezed beyond repair, has disclosed that he is a member of the homosexual persuasion. In much the same way you would release the information, Lance chose a cover story in a respectable weekly mag. Although this is about as surprising as George Michael or RIchard Chamberlain outing themselves, the news is expected to devastate the boy-band community.
If everything had worked out he would have been the first gay boy-band astronaut.
As always, noone anywhere has any interest in any aspect of Joey Fatone's life.
Now about Justin Timberlake...
Comments
The gays can have him.
Sorry Jpeg.
Carl 26 Jul 2006
I'm more intrigued by the side story there: "Colin Farrell Sober Six Months." Just in time for Miami Vice to come out! He ain't gonna be sober for long!
Ok, so who's going with me, anyway? Now don't everyone put your hands up at once... I know Pazen's in. He's already got tickets I hear.
...I can feel it comin' in the air tonight...
andrew 26 Jul 2006
Monopoly goes plastic
Why not skip debit cards altogether, and just package a DIY RFID chip kit, or a biometric fingerprint reader?
[via tha kott]
Comments
I'm going to put a house on my charge card later this week.
Jpeg 26 Jul 2006
Heaven forbid that a kid would actually have to count out bills or do some simple math.
Carl 26 Jul 2006
More Sequins Please
Hard on the heels of the David Hasselhoff news, Nicholas Cage will be playing Liberace in a movie he's making. I guess when he didn't get to play Superman... Liberace was the next logical choice.
Oh yeah, 2007 is going to be a great year for entertainment.
Comments
A Wayland Flowers and Madame biopic would have been a much better story.
Cages' upcoming Ghost Rider flick looks like a total snooze. What's next, Hong Kong Phooie - The Movie?
Carl 26 Jul 2006
I made my wife pinky-swear the other day that if anything tragic happens to me and a movie results, that Nicolas Cage is forbidden to participate in the project.
QTip 04 Aug 2006
Walk barefoot everywhere
Get yourself a grass-lined wheel and you're all set. At least until you get to a revolving door. Then you're probably screwed.
Comments
Guns don't kill people...
...14 year old dogwatchers, hired by pro-gun, NRA card-carrying GOP Senators, who stumble across said senator's unsecured gun, kill people.
Senator Baddy McFelon (PA) also belongs to the "Police Rod* & Gun Club."
(*...ahem, a gun is a surrogate rod.)
Comments
A "rod" by any other name . . .
Carl 25 Jul 2006
Say Car RamRod! Say Car RamRod!
Farva 26 Jul 2006
What this Country needs is...
....tougher zombie laws.
Six friends on their way to a zombie party, spruced up in fake blood and tattered clothing, were arrested in downtown Minneapolis on suspicion of toting "simulated weapons of mass destruction," and striking fear into the hearts of good, fear-primed Minneapolites.
The good police of Minneapolis say the group were carrying bags with wires sticking out, making it look like a bomb, while meandering their way to a "zombie dance party." "They were arrested for behavior that was suspicious and disturbing," said some cop.
What was this great nation of ours founded for, if not to protect us all from "zombies?" What if the terrorists had dressed up as zombies and used that as a ruse to blow up beautiful cosmopolitan Minneapolis? Only the GOP can save us on this issue.
Comments
The coming zombie plague is no laughing matter but, honestly, they'd starve to death in Minneapolis.
Carl 25 Jul 2006
Thank God they weren't out arresting actual gun-wielding criminals... No these cops were on zombie patrol.
gunsmoke 25 Jul 2006
Lemme skool you a little: The police are there to protect private property and profit-making interests . . . civilian safety ranks pretty low.
Carl 25 Jul 2006
I've been to Minnepolis, I can't tell the difference btwn. these people and everyone else who lives there.
Nora 25 Jul 2006
Garbage 1, Cardinals 0
In a piece of footage from the recent St Louis storms, a woman trying to cross a blowing trail of rubbish at a Cardinals game, gets wallopped by a garbage dumpster. It looks like the running of the bulls, only with garbage. Watch the middle of the screen.
We may have finally found a way to make baseball interesting.
(This link is sketchy - If it fails, go to Crooks and Liars.com to see it)
Comments
Night Rocker
Comments
Holy Mother Of God
If you don't think that's cute, you have no soul.
Val and Jeff, I'm gonna chew on those ears sooo bad.
Comments
Hey Luke
Steely Dan writes a letter to Luke Wilson...
[via Ken W.]
Comments
Speaking of brainless role opitions: Owen Wilson would be perfect as Dennis Hoppers son . . . in something like Space Truckers 2 - Cosmic Convoy.
Carl 22 Jul 2006
Ann Coultergeist: "Tight on time"
I missed this earlier this month (thanks, Defective Yeti). Adam Carolla had scheduled an interview with The Queen of Darkness, and apparently there was a phone number / scheduling mix-up. Hilarity ensues.
Carolla has always annoyed the crap outta me, but big ups for hangin' up on the fascist.
Comments
If there's ever been someone who's fifteen minutes of fame has lasted 14 too many, it's Corolla. ...but when I read about him hanging up on that flake I busted out laughing.
jpeg 21 Jul 2006
I shall call it... Porpy!
I've got to put some petrol in my electric dolphin and revulcanize it's fins, post-haste.
Only one hundred years from the horseless to the fishless carriage! Don't be the last one on your block to get the Bends.
Comments
Dude, this is soooo 1965.
Bond, James Bond 21 Jul 2006
Frogmen . . . ATTACK!
Dr. No 22 Jul 2006
I see dead people... with a lot of hair
Haley Joel Osment, perhaps hairier than you recall, wrecked his Saturn. Poor guy, he's destined to look like a doughy seven year old, late into adulthood.
He kind of resembles Lisa Marie Presley, only more feminine; Is that a blouse?
Comments
He's kinda starting to look like that one dude in the Holiday Inn commercial with Joe Buck.
Would it be alright if I touched your throat while you said something?
Creepy!
andrew 20 Jul 2006
That's the gayest commercial a straight guy ever referred a gay guy to.
jpeg 20 Jul 2006
You've obviously never seen Joe Buck call a football game with Troy Aikman on FOX. Guh-AAAY-AAAY!
andrew 20 Jul 2006
Ok, I finally bothered to read the article. Are you telling me HJO can't afford anything more than a '95 Saturn? WTF?
andrew 20 Jul 2006
I see dead ringers for james vanderbeek
karen 21 Jul 2006
I see dead people... under my '95 Saturn.
Lee Iacoca 21 Jul 2006
See you in group real soon!
Butch "Eddie Munster" Patrick 21 Jul 2006
The Oil We Eat
Interesting article from Harper's (2004), which has a bit of a Jared Diamond Guns, Germs & Steel feel to it.
The Dust Bowl was no accident of nature. A functioning grassland prairie produces more biomass each year than does even the most technologically advanced wheat field. The problem is, it’s mostly a form of grass and grass roots that humans can’t eat. So we replace the prairie with our own preferred grass, wheat. Never mind that we feed most of our grain to livestock, and that livestock is perfectly content to eat native grass. And never mind that there likely were more bison produced naturally on the Great Plains before farming than all of beef farming raises in the same area today. Our ancestors found it preferable to pluck the energy from the ground and when it ran out move on.
[via kottke]
Comments
I guess we showed those "native americans" who's boss.
Now where did I put my high-cholesterol and erectile disfunction pills.
Carl 20 Jul 2006
What this country needs,,,
is stronger anti-carrot laws.
Comments
These senseless carrot attacks must stop. Sincerely, Ima Taproot, Mothers against Carrot Attacks (MACA)
Ima 19 Jul 2006
and to think, I always heard carrots are good for the eyes... nyuk nyuk nyuk
mollusk 20 Jul 2006
"Quit playing with your food and eat your vegetables!"
Carl 20 Jul 2006
Hey Graf, how do I add this to the baby registry?
Ren & Stimpy: The Lost Episodes
Comments
According to legend, if you place a bottle of good scotch and an olive loaf sandwich outside your basement door the Bloody Head Fairy will leave you a copy.
Carl 20 Jul 2006
Carl, I know you LOVE olive loaf, so don't try pullin' that trick again.
andrew 20 Jul 2006
It is I who am your Firedog!!
Firedog 20 Jul 2006
The Firedogs 2 cartoon on this disc will either solidify or erradicate that name forever.
Carl 21 Jul 2006
See ya!
After being a smirking, self-promoting, moral gadfly in refuglican politics for more than decade, super-satanic "Christian" Ralph Reed, who's currently embroiled in the Abramoff scandal, just lost his bid for power, in Georgia.
It was by no mean assured that he would lose. A typical voter opinion was "I'm voting for Reed, because he's a Christian."
Awesome news to start the day with. Hopefully this "clean-cut" a-hole will be in jail soon.
Comments
Hurray! The clouds are starting to clear and the birds are singing again.
Markus 19 Jul 2006
My redesign experience
Huh? Hey! wait a minute.. what the...
Comments
I guess that since House8 has gone through redesign, I should post my new address, which I guess is kind of like a re-design. Please feel free to come over and use the rotary phone (that works) that is built into my dining room wall. My new address is:
Nora Fitzpatrick
5308 W. 96th Street
Apt. #5
Oak Lawn,IL. 60453
Nora 18 Jul 2006
so...hot...
This is our thermostat INSIDE our office. We have both A/Cs going full-blast, fans pointed at all of us, and are wearing full-body icepacks.
*weep*
The photo is a little blurry because my phone was melting in my hand as I took it.
Comments
It's true and not an exaggeration. i think i just heard Dexter ask Andrew if he could "please go back to Doggy Abu Ghraib."
karen 17 Jul 2006
I don't want to hear it. It is hell's ass hot here.
I can actually hear the faint crackle of my grass dying.
kristin 18 Jul 2006
My A.C. lacking apartment has reached 91. I spray mist over myself every few minutes so I can pretend I'm cool when the fan blows my way. I think I may have died last week for a few minutes.
jpeg 18 Jul 2006
So instead of Element Creative, you are Meltement Creative....
It took me 2 days to come up with that. arrrrrrrrrrrr I am not very creative...
nora Fitzpatrick 18 Jul 2006
House 8 Upgrade Redesign
It's approximately 9,000 degrees outside, so it seemed as good a day as any to finally drag House 8 into the modern blogging age with an upgrade to MT 3.2. Just in time for MT 3.3 to come out!
Anyway, you probably won't notice a difference, brave posters, but changes are afoot...
Update: What can I say? I started something, and then decided to (almost) finish. Still some kinks to work out and functionality to add, but my main goal was "no longer brown." More info after the jump.
There have been a number of ideas floating around for some time for ol' House 8, and this weekend just turned out to be the right time to tackle one of them: FUCKING REDESIGN. Whether you like it, hate it, are completely puzzled by it, or it made you spit coffee, I hope at least it's a change of pace.
The previous design (which Chris totally rocked) had a lot of bigger ideas wrapped up in it, and was really one of the first big projects I dove into in order to teach myself PHP. A lot of those bigger ideas never came to light, but it had a great run.
Some admin changes that come with 3.2. It's now a lot easier to add entries to multiple categories (you don't have to save the entry first), and we'll be bringing back the Title URL field, thanks to an MT plugin. I'm sure some of you just wet yourself with anticipation.
We've got a couple of other ideas to switch this up a bit in the near future, so stay tuned.
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Two snaps up!!!!
lizzie 17 Jul 2006
Burger King Dancing Puppet
It's no subservient chicken, but still a lot of fun. You pick the music and the Burger King hand puppet dances to your song. Will it sell more burgers? You decide.
kick it little King!
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Conservative Coping Skills / Lesson 1: Kill! Destroy!
A Bush Dept of Commerce administrator killed himself and his son this morning. Probably because the son had actual thoughts of his own.
Also the whacko who blew up his own brownstone in Manahttan this week (to punish his wife) was a neo-con and a big fan of Fox news.
Oh... and happy Bastille Day! The French were still right about Bush & Iraq.
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Fox reporter shot at.
What's the only proper way to deal with a Fox reporter? Shoot them. Shoot them all! Unfortunately they missed this guy and he lived.
You sell out your country for personal profit, ya gotta risk the consequences. Come on Bill O'Reilley, get out there and take one in the face for America.
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Inspiration for k-ho's next 80's party
Caution: severe time waster: check it out.
I am in shock that they have the Passions on this list. wowee.
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I once spent $87 on an import CD of The Bolshoi in the 90s because "Away" was, and still is, my favorite song from the 80's. It was so emotional and gut wrenching and was perfect for dancing in a dark club in the actual 80s.
I have not seen the video...until now. How is it possible that they made something that awful for such a great song? Why couldn't this have been a Cure song? If you don't have the volume up...that is ok, because the singer signs the entire song. two words... cat eyes.
thanks pazen, I will absolutely waste time on this. (all at element...ignore this line as I owe you supplies)
kristin 13 Jul 2006
Hey, when the only shoot location you can afford is "the house where they recently found all those bodies," you take what you can get.
The Bolshoi seem like what happens when The Cure and Duran Duran are involved in a high speed collision on the interstate. Wicka-weeeen-weee-EEEr! (That's the default 80s guitar sound, btw.)
andrew 13 Jul 2006
Whatever you do, don't watch the Talulah Gosh video! I think it's what the movie "The Ring" is based on!!
il_postino 13 Jul 2006
And still no Trashcan Sinatras video. guh.
jpeg 14 Jul 2006
mmmm... Space pancakes!
Astronauts rubbing space-putty on the shuttle lost their spatula earlier today.
"a bit of space-excitement (!) occured when the space-spatula [which looks almost exactly like your non-space spatula] -- that Spaceman X was using to spread the space-sealant -- disappeared when "X" wasn't looking.
"No sign of that space-spatula; I think it's gone, gone, gone," said Spaceman X cheerfully, with a wholesome space-wink.
All of which makes me think, this would never happen to Astronaut Jones.
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We need Astronaut Jones back in our lives, space spatula or no space spatula. Ah...a gentler, simpler time...
Save Us Astronaut Jones!
andrew 12 Jul 2006
I agree! thanks for making my day with that jpeg, jpeg!
pazen 13 Jul 2006
Place Head Here
Just in case you ever have an opportunity to meet Zidane, you might want to be prepared.
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(Jpeg is without words)
Bob Novak dsclosed today, just as you expected, that Karl Rove WAS one of his sources.
Rove just got a raise yesterday.
If the country survives this Machiavellian neo-con episode, this is one for the history books. It makes Nixon and McCarthy look like heroes. The Soviet-ization of the country continues.
Long live War!
Long live the new lies!
Down with this week's enemies!
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I feel safer already
A Homeland Security report exposes some rather skewed "potential target" data, and the great state of Indiana is at the top of the list of potential terrorist targets by state.
The National Asset Database, as it is known, is so flawed, the inspector general found, that as of January, Indiana, with 8,591 potential terrorist targets, had 50 percent more listed sites than New York (5,687) and more than twice as many as California (3,212), ranking the state the most target-rich place in the nation.
Now, Graf and I have always joked that we'd love it if "they just got rid of Indiana" during the drive from Chicago to Cleveland, but I never realized there was government funding studying the potential... Maybe it's all those fireworks stores? Casinos? KKK members? All those damned Amish?
Some other high-level targets inlcude:
- A petting zoo in Woodville, Ala.
- Mule Day Parade in Columbia, Tenn.
- “Nix’s Check Cashing” (Ed. That's where MCA does all his "phony-paper-passin'")
- etc.
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Indiana was the countries best kept secret, until now. Thanks a lot Bill Clnton, activist judges, ACLU, the New York Times, lesbian feminists and the libural media.
jpug 12 Jul 2006
Syd Barrett: Dead
Syd Barrett, one of the original members of legendary rock group Pink Floyd, has died at the age of 60 from complications arising from diabetes.
Some of his solo stuff is pretty tough to take, but man, like Pink Floyd, dude!
...where's my bong...?
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Top ten British Pickup Lines
...have been published. Not since Prince Charles wished he was Camilla's tampon has a come-on been such a turn-off. Apparently British gals have a taste for horrible, cornball pickup lines.
4 samples:
- "Didn't it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
- "The only things your eyes haven't told me is your name."
- Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
- "You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day."
This stuff actually gets a pasty, brown-toothed Brit to third base? I can't believe reproduction actually occurs in the U.K. The best reply to these is to punch the guy.
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"Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick" is a personal fav.
Carl 11 Jul 2006
Machine Gun Jubblies!
In court yesterday, Cynthia Sommer was accused of poisoning her Marine husband and using his life insurance money to get a boob job. Sommer was a chronic overspender who refused to live within the family's budget or curtail her spending on clothing and meals out. The Sommer family had an $867 monthly deficit before his death.
File under: "Baaaaaad Wives"
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If I can't live outside of my means, poison my marine husband and use the life insurance money to get a boob job, then the terrorists have already won....
Nora 11 Jul 2006
Semper Filene's Basement!
Carl 11 Jul 2006
AY-DREE-ENNNNN!
Although last seen canoodling with Flava-flav on Surreal Life, Brigitte Nielsen has taken a husband, so you've officially missed your opportunity to subdue the terrifying, sixteen-foot tall, Teutonic she-beast.
Italian (former) male model Mattia Dessi is the lucky fifth Mr. Nielsen.
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Go wave your blood soaked flag.
First picture of Pvt. Steven Green,
"Charlottes Finest!" who's
raping,
killing,
witness & family murdering,
body-defiling
and arsoning
in your name
for God and flag.
His parents must be very proud.
I wish I could feel something more than deep pity for the Iraqis. If I could hate them needlessly like a good citizen, I'd be fine with this.
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This enemy of the U.S. that the soldiers dutifully raped, then killed was 14 years old.
zpeg 09 Jul 2006
CNN Freudian Slip?
Is CNN trying to tell us something? (News Alert)
[thanks, Jim!]
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"To go directly to phone hell, press 666"
Gethuman.com provides a list of phonepad shortcuts that get you past hundreds of companies annoying automated call-routers, to live human beings.
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Ken Lay: Dead
Ken Lay has reportedly died of a "massive coronary," which may be another way of saying he was killed by the collective thoughts and hopes of millions of people.
So long, dickhead.
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yeah... that or he was given a new identity by Bush and he's in one of his 20 vacation homes, maybe the one in Switzerland. When I get back to Houston, maybe I'll piss on his "grave."
jpeg 05 Jul 2006
I seriously wonder if he killed himself and made it look like a coronary for insurance purposes. I'm sure there are ways to do that. Maybe he ate at Cracker Barrel for like 3 months straight or something.
andrew 05 Jul 2006
Wait, eating every meal at the Cracker Barrell is bad for you? I'm in trouble now.
Nora 05 Jul 2006
What to watch for: Mrs. Lay's assets will turn out to be safe from the trial's plaintiffs. ...neo-cons will rehabilitate Ken Lay as a "wronged billionaire" towards passing new legislation favorable to billionaires..
jpeg 05 Jul 2006
Damn, the fucker won't be buried in Houston. If anyone is travelling to Colorado I will supply you with a big steaming bag of dogshit to apply generously to his headstone...
jpeg 07 Jul 2006
Awwwww...
Heather Peoples of Phoenix won the 18th annual Ugly Dog contest June 23rd in Petaluma, CA. His name is Elwood.
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Could that be the love child of Yoda and Gene Simmons?
carl 30 Jun 2006
Why is he so...leathery? Eeewww...
andrew 30 Jun 2006
Is this what happens to all the Gremlins from the movie????
I thought they would age better, you know like Phoebe Cates.
Nora 30 Jun 2006
Whose tongue has he got in his mouth?
Jpeg 04 Jul 2006
Chicago tops list on Sierra Club Green City list
It's kinda hard to believe that Sierra Club didn't take the aweful blue bag recycling and ding us a few points?
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Flag-burning is deeply objectionable...
...unless depicted in an MSNBC "news" teaser. If the image above (for an article on a non-issue) had featured an Arab or a hippy, that would be an outrage. In fact, this may be the only flag I can recall being burnt in the last 4 or 5 years.
I guess patriots don't understand that the law would be 100% useless outside the country where 99.9% of American flags are burnt.
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Save The Internets
Verizon, AT&T and Comcast are lobbying Congress hard to implement what used to be a joke: an Internet tax. They want users to pay to ensure access to content and high speed performance, blowing up the very system that has made them stupid rich. Hmmm, that's funny, I thought I already paid every month. Does that mean I get my monthly DSL fee refunded? Didn't think so. In effect, they want to hold your Internet hostage, and they're willing to pay off Congress to do it.
Sign the petition at savetheinternet.com, write your congresspeeps, and tell them to support the "Internet Freedom Preservation Act of 2006" (S. 2917) amendment that will protect net neutrality from the bloated telco vipers.
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Hail the GOP's Dark Master
The St. Petersburg Times printed an Onion-caliber article today about Rove and Satan's fall plans, as a straight story:
"Satan’s partnership with Rove goes back to 1994, when the two of them teamed up to orchestrate George W. Bush’s first election as governor."
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SawStop: Keep your hot dogs safe!
SawStop is a pretty cool table saw that keeps you from using it to cut hot dogs. It's got a built-in safety braking system that automagically shuts down upon contact with a hot dog. I'd imagine it also works if you accidently shove a digit or limb into it. Cool for woodworkers, not so cool for those bad movie woodshop fight scenes.
I'd imagine that my grandfather, a hobbyist woodworker in his day, would've said, "Bah! In my day, you lost the finger, and ya liked it!" (Note: grandpa died with 10 fingers.)
In all seriousness, watch the "Why SawStop?" video, which shows how it works a little over halfway through. It's pretty amazing.
[via the boing]
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This sure take some of the anxiety out of my habit of jerking in the garage woodshop. Thanks, SawStop!
Otto Erotic 23 Jun 2006
Must be an election year
Seven "terrorists*" using the name "The Bad, Awful, Non-christian, Darker-skinned Bad Guys With Turbans" (The BANDBGwT) who were "targeting the Sear Towerª" have been arrested in Miami. "They've been described to us by sources as wannabes± or sympathisers. There is no imminent threat to Miami or any other area," said some FBI guy.
A petrified Chicago gal on NPR this morning said, "I'm afraid (sob!). Save me President Bush! Code orange, code orange! Think of the children...°"
notes
* apparently this was on their business cards
ª our government says so, and they wouldn't lie.
±notice the skillful use of both fear and condescension. they're a threat to the country, but they're incompetent so we can all laugh about it.
° paraphrasing
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Even Al-Queda hates it when these wackjobs call looking for a job. I hear they're working with someone to set up a call center to "weed out the loonies."
andrew 23 Jun 2006
Management by Scandal
It's been a few weeks since the last piece of Bush incompetence. and as this White House prefers, the next scandal has arrived like clockwork to unseat all the previous ones. The President would appreciate if all journalists would now abandon the ramifications of all previous topics including:
- Those two kids who were personally slaughtered in Iraq by Zarqawi's replacement
- The murder of Iraqi civilians
- Bush's blind journalist gaffe
- etc.
Let's all get on the same page and half-assedly wonder about the next issue with faux-probing, never-answered ethical questions. The scandal du jour is:
"We've been secretly observing your financial transactions!"
Democrats are instructed to continue wimpering and spinning their wheels.
Jefferson wouldn't recognize this country.
Stalin would!
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Wendy's Hip-Hop Training Video
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Shortly after this video was made, I OD'd on heroin out back by the dumpster. The backup singing patties with the earrings and lipstick really freaked my shit out.
billy 22 Jun 2006
Just point and $hoot.
I needed to replace my dead camera last week. I was considering this sweet $29,995.00 Hasselblad H2D-39.
It's nice of them to shave that last five dollars off. Who doesn't love a bargain? It's 39 Mega-Pixels. Apparently you can photographh people's DNA with it.
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For your Consideration
The USB teddy bear... guaranteed to terrify your young ones.
(This entry provided by Nora's request)
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Thank you johnny_jpeg.....
Nora 21 Jun 2006
is it waterproof?
pazen 21 Jun 2006
I am not sure of the waterproofness of the de-capitated teddy/usb drive.
A couple of weeks ago I saw some Hello Kitty USB drives, but this is definetly better. I am going to throw out my boring usb drive now..
Nora 22 Jun 2006
Compact Flourescent Lightbulbs
Replacing just one 60W bulb in your house with a compact flourescent bulb could save $1 BILLION with a "B" per year, if everyone in the US did it.
I knew compact flourescents were way more efficient, but that's some crazy math. We use one in our dog's room, for an exterior light just outside our basement door, and have more to replace other exterior lights once the current bulbs burn out.
We've found they just don't work for living spaces, though. I put one in our family room light for a night, and the light is just so, well, flourescent. Makes my brain hurt. Still, I'd think most people would have somewhere that one would make sense. They also last much longer, and don't generate the heat of a regular bulb.
[via kottke]
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That's an extra billion dollars I can then use to cover for rising gas prices when filling up my 8mpg Minivan!
Supposedly, the headaches that some people get from florescent lighting is more a result of having more than 1 tube in a room. The flickering of the multiple bulbs is never in synch, which causes light levels to pulse at weird intervals.
Gomez 21 Jun 2006
Man, that's some shitty coffee.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
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Toss two more bodies on the pile
I wonder how these two twenty-five year olds (found dead this morning) felt as barb-wire ripped their throats open in Iraq. I'm sure their last thoughts were "Well it's for a good cause. The rich need the oil"
Meanwhile the Bush White House has started the next Cuban Missile Crisis.
And Japan says Sayonara to the Coalition of the Wobbly
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HuffPo: Dick Cheney's Last Throes
The Democrats are in trouble because they can't agree on how to fix the mess the Republicans have made. The Republicans are rewarded for staying the course.
Cheney, from the NY Daily News: "I guess if I look back on it now, I don't think anybody anticipated the level of violence that we've encountered."
Wow. Just wow.
In a debate in the Senate today, Sen. John Kyl (AZ) declared, "The strategy there needs to be to win, not withdraw. Withdrawal follows victory."
Does anyone know what constitutes victory in Iraq? Everyone, everywhere, dead?
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The democrats are in trouble because they don't own a single issue, whether you agree with them or not.
jpeg 20 Jun 2006
man, does he have any credibility left? pretty obvious that the travel demand for only watching Faux News goes beyond hotels...
pazen 21 Jun 2006
It's never too late to kill yourself.
Former Enron Corp. President Jeffrey Skilling says he thought about suicide after his company crumbled & legal pressure began to build. Sadly, the urge seems to have passed.
$niffle... $imper... $ob..!
During those years of depression, Skilling said he became a recluse, retreating to his mansion in an upscale part of Houston, where he lingered in bed...
(that's rough! the story of this poor misunderstood millionaire makes jpeg cry)
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Creepy. I'm watching "The Smartest Guys in the Room" RIGHT NOW.
Fucking slimeballs.
andrew 17 Jun 2006
This just in:
I wonder if Boy George has realized that his new style makes him look more like Ralph Wiggum than he'd hoped...
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Well, that's ONE solution to a double-chin and male pattern baldness.
Carl 21 Jun 2006
Duuurrr...
Sponsor of bill to display the Ten Commandments in the House and Senate buildings can't name them. Colbert at his finest.
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Well, I don't think you have to know them all to acknowledge that they are the backbone of modern life; for instance I am a firm believer in #4: Let the Buyer Beware. and #7 which is about something.
jpeg 17 Jun 2006
House passes vacuous empty resolution
House resolution 861 "declaring that united states will prevail in the global war on terror" passed today.
So easy to pass a bill showing your resolve compared to fighting the war, and being railroaded into your 3rd or 4th stay in Iraq because of stop-loss policies, and cynical "patriotic" politicians.
Your tax dollars hard at work pumping out rhetoric. Further bills this week will declare that black is white, and that pigs fly.
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Rogue Helicopter Taunts Psycho
This made my whole day. Thanks, Chris.
"Wherever you are, Mr. Helicopter Pilot - COME OUT OF YOUR HOLE!"
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"...it was between the magnolia tree and the property line," where he lost saw his mind.
jpeg 16 Jun 2006
The daVinci Coke
Inspired by the daVinci code which we saw last night, I will be forming my own secret society later today. We're either going to work to publish the formula for Coke, or expose the girl scouts plans for world domination. I haven't decided yet.
If you're not in, please forget you saw this...
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If it were a "pants optional" organization . . . count me in.
The secret handshake might be somewhat awkward.
Carl 16 Jun 2006
The moronic leading the blind
OK, so, Bush makes fun of a visually impaired reporter . . . insert punch line here.
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I was listening to this press conference the other day. It is depressing and frustrating that our President feels the need to continually be the class clown while discussing issues that affect and, in many cases, determine the path of others' lives.
On a phone call with the reporter, Peter Wallsten, Bush apologized for his comments.
--snip--
Wallsten said the president said he would not treat him differently, so Wallsten encouraged him to "needle away."
"He said, `I will. Next time I'll just use a different needle,'" Wallsten said.
Wallsten said he thought that was a pretty good line. And his only complaint is that the president didn't answer his question at the news conference.
--snip--
I've got a couple of other complaints, but I doubt he'd be interested in hearing them.
andrew 15 Jun 2006
Why start answering questions now?
jpeg 16 Jun 2006
Non-World Cup soccer news
On advice from doctors, Roy Keane announces his retirement from football due to a chronic hip injury.
Comments
jpeg thanks you for writing about any other sport than soccer this week. ARRRGGGGGGGGHHHH! enough with the fucking soccer coverage; the explanation of the difference between american games and the more finessed soccer; and the fucking ole ole ole ole ole song. Kuh-ryst!
jpeg 13 Jun 2006
Soccer-bashing from Hettwer?
What would your Frog pals think of that little outburst, John?
Bon rien!
carl 13 Jun 2006
S.T.F.U!
An open letter from Henry Rollins to Ann Coulter
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Rollins just keeps getting more and more sexy with every passing year. I'd love to be the father his children. Yum.
Spooky 14 Jun 2006
amusing! but the thought of ann coultergeist in bed with anyone kind of disturbs me.
cracker 14 Jun 2006
Gitmo hangings "good PR" according to US Deputy Assistant Secretary of State
Wow, she must really be important with a title like that. DEPUTY Assistant? Is that like a Junior Ranger Rick badge or something? Where does the Bush administration FIND these morons? Oh, right, they're all friends. Dur.
Colleen Graffy is a sick fuck.
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TO: Colleen.Graffy@pepperdine.edu
Dear Ms. Graffy:
I am writing to you to remark upon the incredibly ignorant statement you made regarding the three recent suicides at Gitmo. The lack of knowledge about the causes of suicide which you demonstrated in your profoundly stupid remarks leaves me breathless for the sheer lack of understanding of an issue which is the 11th leading cause of death among Americans. (Anderson RN, Smith BL. Deaths: leading causes for 2001. National Vital Statistics Report 2003;52(9):1-86.), not to mention what incarceration without hope of release for charges unknown must do to a person. How would you like to be locked up without any knowledge of charges against you, in a land not your own, without any sense whether or not you would ever leave alive? Perhaps you should try it.
Annual rates of suicide in this country are over 30,000 per year, more than 650,000 Americans are hospitalized each year following suicide attempts, and over 116,000 are treated in hospital emergency departments for same. Among US males, suicide is the 8th leading cause of death for all US men and males are four more times likely to die from suicide than females. And this is not even beginning to quote numbers related to female and teen deaths. But don't take it from me, Ms. Graffy, check out the website of one of your fellow-governmental agencies, the CDC--that's the Centers for Disease Control in case you had failed to note its existence-- http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/suifacts.htm . There you will see a tidy introduction to a subject in which you are woefully ignorant and which all your degrees have obviously not prepared you to understand or speak about.
I come from a family which, in the last one hundred years, has experienced over a dozen suicides in its ranks. So, yeh, I tend to be rather sensitive to the issue. We are what you would call patriotic Americans, as a whole, and have done more than our share to contribute to the life of the nation in ways very big and small. To see you liken suicide as an act of warfare against the US would be funny if it were not so cruel and unfeeling. But then, cruel and unfeeling is probably how you have risen to the position you presently enjoy at State.
Do us all a favor, Ms. Graffy, and shut your mouth about subjects for which you are woefully under-qualified and under-experienced to comment. Step outside of your fishbowl of an office and limited circle of acquaintances, take a drive sometime and see the world beyond the Beltway. Touch base with reality. You are in many ways as imprisoned as the people you are verbally abusing at Gitmo.
Very Truly Yours,
Robert Pell-deChame
Robert Pell-deChame 13 Jun 2006
Humor (short program)
Imagine a conversation between bjork, husband & perfomance artist matthew barney (below) and an ikea operator... I wonder what that would be like.
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That Pazen's got one smart daughter
Despite his best efforts, she seems to be making the right choices...
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Young good-for-nothings! When I was that kids age I worked three jobs and read to the blind when I was too tired to stand.
carl 08 Jun 2006
Carl,
At that age did your dad you give a piece of carpet to eat for Christmas dinner, or was that just Carl from Aqua Teen.
-Nora
Nora 09 Jun 2006
Stewing in his own au Jus
Remember when the French were asses for not joing us in Iraq? Well Iraq did turn out to be a giant boondoggle. Still, apologies from red-faced, American reactionaries have not been forthcoming. Humble pie must be a french dessert.
Last night, Tom Delay held his "I'm an American scumbag who's been forced out of politics" sayonara dinner at a french resturant. The article recalls other examples of Delays French-bating.
I guess he had the freedom fries.
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What's up with the Francophilia, John . . . is it a new thing or have you always been a closet fromage-sniffer?
Seriously, if we appologise to France (titter!) then we'd have to do the same for the rest of the planet.
France will always hate us for something . . . they're French!
carl 07 Jun 2006
I just won't run with the stereotype. I've been to France and the people I met were completely reasonable, helpful & funny. I think I met two rude people there. Compared with something like 15 rude people in Italy (where I also met cool people).
There is no excusing however that they did invent mime and they do yield their country a bit too easily during wartime.... and they were right that a war in Iraq was a pile of horseshit & lies.
jpeg 08 Jun 2006
Johnny,
If I have to be nice to the French, it means that I know longer can describe them as "Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys"....
I don't think I can give that up!!!!
They also reveree Jerry Lewis. Sure they don't have to watch him on the Jerry Lewis Telethon, so its much easier for them to like Jery Lewis.
Nora 08 Jun 2006
Jpeg: Don't worry, the minute you land in Paris, we'll make sure Le Monde gets transcripts of all your posts.
andrew 09 Jun 2006
Why? Why Not?
Buy one of each and wear them Michael Stipe-stylee at your next awards show presenter gig.
This, of course, comes from a classic Simpon's exchange between Lisa and Nelson in "Lisa's Date With Density."
Thanks Carl, for (in this case) drawing what Alex thinks.
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Joy to the world, the teachers dead. We barbecued her head! What happened to her bah-ady? We flushed it down the potty... and round and round it goes! and round and round it... goes.
nelsonmuntzrocks 05 Jun 2006
My favorite Nelson line from that episode.
Lisa: How do you feel? What's inside you right now?
Nelson: Guts… and black stuff… and about fifty Slim Jims. (edit)
Nora 05 Jun 2006
"And the lord god did nearly smite the douchebag..."
Back on May 19, evangelist, shyster and poltical gadfly Pat Robertson said God warned him of trouble ahead this year for godless Amerikuh.
"If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms, there well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest."Instead God started things off with a bang today, crashing Robertsons Learjet in Long Island Sound, killing two of his employees. I will be observing a short mourning period at happy hour tonight.
Sadly, Robertson was not aboard. But, God has told me that he's pretty tired of Pat.
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fun
Jackson Pollock webtoy
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Quick. Hide the Bodies! (Updated)
Oh merciful heavens, some civilians have been killed in Iraq? Gosh, how could that happen? Up till last week the war was a pure, noble effort. Now it's tarnished.
Let's see... the pentagon gets to
a) confirm the number of deceased
b) and confirm their status as "enemy combatants."
How could that system possibly be abused?
If you think the two cases of Iraqi civilian deaths in the news this week are the first non-combatant murders, you can un-naive yourself here. The only question I have is after 5 years, what political intrigue occured, so that finally some civvy deaths could become "news."
Fortunately, Rummy has a solution: our army will be given an ethics course. The most impotent rejoinder since John Kerry redirected all election questions on policy with "I have a policy. It's on my website."
To recap
The conservative viewpoint: murderers in Texas deserve lethal injections, but murderers of non-white people who got in the way of our weapon-delivered freedom just require sensitivity training.
Update: Soldiers in case #1 cleared! Those bastard Iraqi civilians deserved it. Get out on your porch and wave your Muhrikun flag!
This war owes itself to the naive who can't imagine someone on our side is evil until they say "I'm the villain," and the opportunists, relieved that everyone knows never to say "I'm the villain."
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Cute free disposable organizers!
Is it me or does this have johnny jpeg written all over it? Via Erica.
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I don't understand. How do you plug it in? How do you retrieve data? (ar ar)
jpeg 01 Jun 2006
Inform 7 (Beta)
If, like myself, you are a nerd and over the age of 30, chances are you played a few text-adventures like Zork or The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy in your day. Well, now-a-days these games are referred to as interactive fiction, and there is quite a community of modern-day nerds who are still making text-adventures that rival and even surpass the games from the Infocom heyday.
The modern development language for Infocom, or Z-Machine, type games was created by Graham Nelson and is called Inform. Z-machine games can be played on almost every computing playform including Palm handhelds and iPods! I got my first exposure to object-oriented programming by playing with Inform 6 in the late 90s. Well, in the last month, the first major upgrade to Inform in many, many years has been released.
Inform 7 unlike most programming languages, has been developed based on natural language. So instead of a cryptic list of curly brackets and functions, you simply type stuff like, "The Armoury is a room. The sword is in the armoury." And the compiler does the hard stuff. The development enviroment is really slick, and includes full documentation (Graham Nelson's Craft of Adventure is required reading for anyone even remotely interested in video game design). So if you have an abundance of free-time and a few clever puzzle ideas, start programming and you may be the next Will Wright!
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Catcher in the Rye ll, This Time It's Impersonal!
Yes, there's really only one chick lit storyline (also in use for chick flicks), and I've always insisted there's only one reggae song. But there's room in the one-note boat for guy-lit too.
Here, then, is the summary of all guy-lit* novels:
I have a boring job, for which I am overeducated and underqualified, but I lack the ambition to commit to a serious career. (Usually I have family money.) I don't look too deeply into myself or anyone else — everyone else is boring or a phony anyway. I may be 30, but I act like I'm 15. I'm too clever for my own good. I live on puns and snide, sarcastic asides. I hang out with my equally disconnected friends in many of the city's bars. I drink a lot, take recreational drugs, don't care about much except being clever. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and while I am eager to have sex, which I do often given the zillions of available women in New York, the sex is not especially fulfilling, and emotions rarely enter the picture. I am deeply shallow. And I know it.Enjoy the whole essay here.Oh, and then something happens. I go on a journey, get inside the media machinery, sort-of fall for a new girl. Or 9/11 happens, but that doesn't really affect me much either. And though I might now mouth some bland platitudes about change, anyone can see that I'm still the same guy I was before. Only different. But not really.
(*High Fidelity, About a Boy, Bright Lights Big City, Douglas Coupland, ad nauseum)
Comments
This was a great essay. John -- i'm such a dork. I actually got halfway through a comment complimenting the post but mildly chastising you for criticizing the author of The Hitchhiker's Guide, thinking, hey, wait a minute, that's not guy-lit, that's just great british sci-fi.... only to realize that's Douglas ADAMS, not Coupland. Thank god I realized in time, and now no one will know what a dork I am, unless I tell everyone on the Internet...
karen 24 May 2006
Still Believing The Lies
Gomez Special over at RobotMonkeyPirate*! Carl is EN FUEGO, people. Also available in 1" buttons.
*I keed! I keed!...Seriously, I'll send you one...if you wear it on-stage with Nonagon.
Comments
Who wouldn't want to wear something that mocks families, across all political lines, who support and wish for the safe return of their loved ones over seas? Or did I misunderstand that whole "tie a yellow ribbon" thing?
Oh, but I keed as well. Seriously, it may clash with my full Nazi regalia, but I'd wear it on stage! 2/3 of Nonagon would appreciate the irony.
Which begs the question, like that tree in the woods, would Nonagon make a sound if no one (from House 8) was around to hear them? :(
Gomez 23 May 2006
I suppose some may interpret it as mocking the safe return of the troops. They are free to hold that opinion. That isn't the intent. It's actually meant to mock the sheep who think slapping a magnet ribbon on their bumper (or a wear a completely played-out Livestrong bracelet) somehow makes everything okay.
It's also meant to piss off your parents, for you agnst-ridden teenagers out there! So buy two!
andrew 23 May 2006
...and to mock the asssholes in hummers (with a ribbon) whose gas consumption sent the soldiers over there to begin with. Gomez whose 'mind' was trained by neo-cons can only see dissent as a threat, and so needs to tar you as unsupportive of those fighting. nice try.
jpeg 23 May 2006
For comparison's sake, I have seen an extra, extra-large flag-ribbon magnet that says, "I support more troops than you." Now, in that case, the irony was clear to me. Subtlety has it's limitations in the realm of sloganeering. The type of political discussion that takes place on the rear bumper of cars (or inside the back window, held up with scotch tape if you are a suburban dissident).
All critiquing aside, do I still get the free shirt or was that the lie that I'm still believing?
Gomez 24 May 2006
Just need a style, address and a size!
I also like the magnet ribbon that says, "Supporting the Chinese guy getting rich off all these magnet ribbons."
My personal opinion is if you truly support the troops and want them to come home soon, stop supporting politicians who foolishly deploy our military into morale-crushing no-win situations with no exit strategy. And that goes for BOTH sides of the aisle.
andrew 24 May 2006
jpeg, andrew, and Gomez, especially, I'd like to compliment all of you on your heated but friendly debate here! Well done, all. Now Gomez better get his shirt, and frankly, all House-8-ers should make an effort to see the Nonagan play sometime. Gomez, they sell beer at your shows, right? Nobody likes a frownie!
impartial third party 24 May 2006
The Human Pupa
The poshAir sleeping bag is (so they say...) "a breakthrough in inflight comfort. This luxurious cocoon, that's easy to slip on and off, zips you into an extra layer of lightweight warmth. The poshAir features a hood, armholes, inside pocket and two belt loops for your visibly fastened seat belt to slip through." (Wow, tell me more)
PoshAir is a modern, hygienic sleeping accommodation for travel and a delicious way to transform yourself into a complete idiot. Convenient, chic (!?) and comfortable, the poshAir can make you look like an ass in private jets & commercial airplanes, and makes it easier for embarassed friends to toss you from helicopters, yachts, automobiles and trains.
"For a maximized poshAir experience, please remove your shoes before stepping inside. (shoes..? hell just take everything off.) Grey only. (I'd prefer the visibility of bright pink) Buy the XL size so your gal can give you a handjob in relative privacy.
Butterfly wings solds separately.
Just $99 from SkyMall
Comments
I've had some time to think about this "product".
Answer me this: When was the last time you actually felt cold on a plane? I can't think of a single flight where I wasn't already stewing in my own juices . . . without the aid of the roasting bag pictured above
carl 22 May 2006
I tore this out of Skymall for framing. I think it makes becoming the flight's resident hamster man that much easier.
I've also revised the idea for the "project." It's got Sundance written all over it.
andrew 22 May 2006
How funny - I flew to Miami this past weekend and marvled at this very product in SkyMall. All you need to accompany it is the inflatable travel pillow to look like a complete jackass.
motero 23 May 2006
The guy with the travel wedge needs a travel wedgie. (And I tore the cocoon out of Skymall too).
jpeg 23 May 2006
Olde Fortran Malt Liquor
Goes Down Smooth!
More Futurama goodness over at RobotMonkeyPirate...
Thanks, as always, to Carl for the Hott Illustrator Action.
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Nudity Kills
Andrew Martinez, (33) the former Berkeley student known as the "Naked Guy," who gained notoriety in the early 1990s for attending class in the buff, has died in jail, apparently of suicide.
I think he was killed because he knew too much (about nudity).
Comments
Yeah, some Berkeley hippie kills himself... I'll cry myself to sleep tonight, while jerking off to pix of Rush Limbaugh.
pre-gomez 22 May 2006
yeecchh...
Very creepy McDonalds Ad from India.
The message: "Just opened, near Kimaya Kothrud. I'm lovin' it."
Comments
By far this is the creepiest thing I have ever seen. Nothin' is more scarier then a clownbaby in full makeup...
Nora 19 May 2006
Nora, i decided to put your theory to the test. I did a Google image search for "clownbaby." The good news is, I'll never doubt you again. The bad news is, apparently I'll never sleep again either...
karen 24 May 2006
Thanks Karen for verifying this on the internets.....
I will say however, that maybe a robotic alien clownbaby maybe scarier then a regular clownbaby....Maybe I have come up with the theme for the next Rob Zombie movie....
Robotic Alien Clownbabys Attack!!!
Nora 25 May 2006
Time Sucks
You're going to be sorry you clicked this link.
I think it's related to this link.
I sent it to Andrew and he hasn't slept since.
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Goin to the Chapel (Bang! Bang!)
Congratulations to house8 groupies Kristin & Troy who will be married this weekend in Tejas. Guns must be checked at the door, except for Kristin's dad who may need to coax Troy through things.
The lovely couple will be honeymooning at Hooters.
But seriously... many years of happiness to T, K and Miss Kitty.
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Bush Joke
Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning on Iraq, and told Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed. To everyone's surprise, the color ran out of Bush's face, and he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken. Finally, he composed himself and asked Secretary Rumsfeld,
"Just exactly how many is a brazillion?
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Shackin' up in the Holler...
In rejecting an unmarried cohabitation statute the village of Black Jack, Missouri, is threatening that those who do not meet their definition of family may soon be thrown out of town. The current ordinance prohibits more than 3 people from living together unless they are related by "blood, marriage or adoption." So maybe you can still fool around with your sister...
Happily everything wrong with Missouri will be fixed by this law, and God will rain wealth and contentment down on the righteous bumpkins. Still I can't help thinking they shouldn't hug that tar baby.
Comments
Who's going to enforce this law . . . Boss Hogg & Enus or Sheriff Lobo?
carl 18 May 2006
Bears eat Monkey!
Bears killed and ate a monkey in a Dutch zoo in front of horrified visitors, witnesses and the zoo said Monday.
The park confirmed the killing in a statement, saying: "In an area where Sloth bears, great apes and Barbary macaques have coexisted peacefully for a long time, the harmony was temporarily disturbed during opening hours on Sunday."
Stupid Monkey!
More photos here(pdf).
Comments
I guess it's hard for a bear to keep his focus on peace and harmony.
jpeg 16 May 2006
Ah, natures majesty.
Carl 16 May 2006
Finally a worse zoo then Lincoln Park Zoo. I can't wait until the elephants eat the dolphins......
Nora 17 May 2006
David Blaines next stunt was announced this morning: He's going to live in the wild with big mean animals. I'd happily tune into see bears ripping the flesh off his bones.
Jpeg 17 May 2006
Dolts United
The last I heard somebody use the term Tar Baby, I smashed my victrola.
It does make me think that conservatism is just a holding place where all the loutish clods incapable of bringing their minds out of the 19th century can gang together and pretend that the unloutish are bullies.
Comments
As much as I'm sure everyone will get their undies in a twist over the use of the term, I think you can tell from the context that Snow isn't attempting to make a racist comment. Is it inappropriate for the WH press sec. to use such a term? Absolutely. Are there more important things to be concerned about? ABSOLUTELY. Ignorance of the meaning of such a term is no excuse for a guy in his position. But I was much more interested in trying to parse his unbelieveably dense answers to fairly straightforward questions.
I'll give Snow this: He is a hell of a lot more engaging than that fucking smarmy troll McClellan. We'll see how he's holding up through the summer.
And I do agree with his point that the administration can't run a national security program based on poll numbers. However, elections can, and often are, run on polls. So, we'll see ya in November, Tony!
andrew 16 May 2006
I've heard this a lot in the last day. Many white people saying it has two meanings and he meant the non-racist one. I'm not going for it.
jpeg 17 May 2006
I'm not saying he meant the non-racist meaning of the word. Only Tony Snow knows what he meant. What I'm saying is, in context, to my ears, he doesn't appear to be purposely making a racist comment.
andrew (whiteboy) 17 May 2006
Yeah, you like that salsa... don't you?
The good people of Scottsdale AZ are upset about a restaurant opening in June called The Pink Taco, because it's a slang term for a woman's goodies.
that's dirty!
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WBEZ to Eliminate All Music Programming
WBEZ general manager Torey Malatia has announced plans to eliminate all music programming on the station in favor of a new all talk news and cultural programming format. This means the elimination of Piano Jazz with Marian McPartland, Encanto Latina, Comin' Home, Afropop, Jazz with Dick Buckley, Blues before sunrise, and evening jazz programming. As a dedicated listener and member of WBEZ, I'm greatly saddened by this news. Earlier plans to have a sister station devoted to music programming have been scrapped. WBEZ offers a great and intelligent variety of music that is not represented anywhere else on the dial and reflects Chicago's cultural heritage. Anyone who has listened to Dick Buckley's programming over the last 30 years will recognize that he is a Chicago treasure. If you, like me, are disturbed by the news, you can sign a petition to urge a change in plans, or you can make your opinion known on the WBEZ forum, or better still, attend the upcoming public meeting at Columbia College this Thursday from 6:00-7:30 and voice your opinion.
Comments
They can just fill the music slots with more of that distinctive Public Radio dead air.
This may mean an end to the Prairie Home Companion. Cross your fingers.
Gomez 15 May 2006
hostile commentary provided by a jackass...
anti-gomez 15 May 2006
Finally, something Gomez and I agree on . . . PHC is some lame-ass shit.
Don't get me started on the movie adaptation.
Carl 16 May 2006
Oops anti-gomez, you have a typo. It's not "a Jackass," it's "Ira Glass."
Gomez 16 May 2006
Personally, I like listening to A Prairie Home Companion, and think it's a great show, but that's not really what the post is about. Only the all-music programs are on the chopping block. PHC hasn't been listed as a part of the scheduled changes in the lineup.
The real tragedy I think is the loss of the quality jazz and international music. I'm happy to listen to college radio stations (when my radio can receive them) for an alternative to corporate music programming which is mostly the same few flavors: Classic Rock, Alternative/Mainstream, or smooth jazz, but for Chicago to lose such a great source of interesting music and world class DJ/programmers is a real shame, especially considering that Chicago is at least partly responsible for creating two great american artforms: jazz and blues.
mollusk 16 May 2006
Actually I heard that they were going to be moving the music to an HD radio broadcast that will run 24 hours a day, and the standard FM radio would carry the news and information shows 24 hours a day.
Seems like a nice solution to me.
Gil Burns 17 May 2006
Gil, They've since changed course on that decision. According to station manager Tory Malatia, that was the initial statement that was made, but is no longer what they are planning to do.
mollusk 23 May 2006
Thanksgiving in May?
Within the last week mossy scumbag Karl Rove told Bush and Joshua Bolten, as well as a few other admin officials, that he WILL be indicted in the CIA leak case and will immediately resign his White House job when the special counsel publicly announces the charges against him.
...unless of course this is yet another Macharovian scheme.
Comments
I hope he gets his gibblets handed to him . . . I'm off white-meat for good . . . etc.
Carl 16 May 2006
I'm camping out for tickets NOW!!!
http://www.charlesnelsonreilly.com
Comments
Carl,
Is there anyway you could setup a Charles Nelson Reilly website that is similar to the Abe Vigoda status site (http://www.abevigoda.com/)????
If you did, I would definetly make it my home page.
Nora 12 May 2006
Halliburton Solves Global Warming
"The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager no matter what Mother Nature throws his or her way," said Fred Wolf, a Halliburton representative who spoke today at the Catastrophic Loss conference held at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida.
http://www.halliburtoncontracts.com/about/
Comments
Photo # 2 on the photos page seems to suggest a giant vulva will help me survive global warming... Tell me more H'burtin!
jpeg 10 May 2006
Will I have the same amount of protection if I wrap myself in bubble wrap and pray to Jebus?
Nora 10 May 2006
Hell officially frozen over
Neo-conservative Rupert Murdoch to hold fundraiser for Hillary Clinton.
Before you go thinking the world is completely topsy turvy, rest assured, gay cannibalism is still illegal.
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Bush at 31%
duh... turns out that the guy who appears to be the dumbest man ever to hold the presidency is the dumbest man ever to hold the presidency.
Thank God he has a clear strategy for victory in Iraq.
(Brought to you by the KGB.)
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Rest in Peace
Karen's father Patrick Keenan, passed away this morning after a long illness. Keenan says (through Andrew) that he spent his final days surrounded by his family and friends, more than a fair share of corny jokes, and lots and lots of love.
Comments
Put your money where your vote is.
Every drop of Coke you buy at Sears and ship via UPS fuels the Neo-con agenda.
Corporate Political Donations Directory
Comments
I have no idea what this post is about but I'm sure it will piss me off.
Carl 04 May 2006
Gawd Bless Uhmurica
This afternoon, stuck in post-Cubs game traffic on Irving Park Rd. Behind me, two middle-aged guys in a red BMW convertible. Next to us in the crawl, a ginormous Hummer H2 burning approx. 40 gallons/block. At some point the BMW and the H2 were side by side, and the driver of the H2 reaches down and hands an issue of Playboy to the guy in the passenger seat of the BMW.
Middle-aged jocularity ensues.
Comments
The only way that could have been funnier (re:tragic) is if one of them had run over a bald eagle.
Anyone remember that old PSA with the crying Indian?
Carl 02 May 2006
or if they ran over the crying indian.
jpeg 03 May 2006
It's hard out here for a pimpfant.
While I was perfectly happy keeping "pimp" and "baby" in very different portions of my mind before today, now there's Pimpfants brand baby thug clothes.
This look is called a baby-beater.
(from NPR's "Wait wait don't tell me")
Comments
Don't even think about it, Jpeg.
andrew 02 May 2006
And I thought there was nothing tackier than an infant with pierced ears . . . boy was I wrong.
Latin people are teaching me so much this week.
Carl 02 May 2006
true story.... when i was designing kid's PJ's i was given a teeny tiny little girl's sized silk leopard print slip type garment and asked to design a graphic. naturally "daddy's little slut" was the first thing i came up with. my supervisor then informed me that she had copied this style from a nightie that her EIGHT year old daughter owned. I guess she didn't like me idea.
liz 03 May 2006
ohhhh. that's distasteful.
jpeg 03 May 2006
700 West
Between 1972 and 1983 dozens of singles and albums were recorded at Moe Whittemore's New Palestine, Indiana-based 700 West Studios.
Today, many of these records sell amongst collectors for hundreds of dollars. You, however, may browse through the catalog and listen to some tracks here, for free!
Comments
Thanx for the plug!
Mo 28 Jan 2007
Chainsaw Enema
It was a beautiful thing to see Bush get his ass handed to him Saturday night by Steve Colbert at the White House Correspondents dinner. Bush tried to discharge any criticism with his own toothless satire. But what a treat to see the little punk and his stupid wife squirm, have his P.R. cloud punctured and get their noses rubbed in it. Who cares if the audience wasn't amused?
My respect and appreciation go out to Colbert who has some brass ones. Most of the time I sat there with my mouth hanging open; amazed that they'd let anyone who hasn't drunk the Kool-aid within ten feet of the idiot.
Comments
I watched the Correspondents dinner live on MSNBC and had to continually flip to Comedy Central to double check that this was actually happening. I was amazed that is was and astonished that Steven Colbert was even hired in the first place. Who was in charge of that?!?!?!
liz 01 May 2006
Wait, what are we supposed to stop?
I heard the wrap party for this video was at Whitney's house because she had the best rock.
I'd just like to point out the crazed garbageman at 4:10 is now THE FUCKING GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA.
Stop The Madness, indeed.
via tha boing
Comments
Wow, crazy shit. Where'd you get that little gem?
Unnamed Emailer 01 May 2006
Freeh-dumb Tower
After 5 years of nattering, and innumerable lame contributions from architects, bureaucrats and surviving family members with no taste, the new WTC broke wind, errr... ground today.
With 30 stories of windowless concrete at it's base, it's impervious to anyone who would try to blow it up via the McVeigh method, making it utterly suceptible to new terrorist methods that late capitalism's highest-paid, groupthinking, self-promoters are incapable of imagining.
It will stand a monument to fear and mediocrity until Bush needs to read My Pet Goat again.
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Houston's finest...
I forgot to post this when I was in Tex-suhs. It's shot from my TV. This gal is powerfully moved by the lord. Her mascara runs when she's overcome.
Praise Je-suhs....
She puts the fear of God in me. Her Texas-sized hairdo (along with Trumps combover) are all I need to know about how buildings stand up.
Comments
That's Farrah!
Lee Majors 25 Apr 2006
No, THIS is Farrah!
(Yes, Kristin, I still have it. And it still makes Graf cringe.)
Farrah 25 Apr 2006
She makes Tammy Fay (Baker/Messner) seem almost normal.
Jebus may love you. . . but I think you're a douchebag.
Carl 26 Apr 2006
Wealth makes you Attractive
Super sexy Lee Raymond who presided over Exxon when the Valdez wiped out the Alaskan coast was rewarded in April with a 400 million dollar retirement package, while oil went to 75 bucks a barrel and you're paying record prices at the pump. Raymond enjoys long walks on oily beaches, tongue-kissing and noisy $ex.
Dissenting Opinion from Peter the German guy I work with: "Can't he buy himself a neck?"
Seriously how much money would it take to put yourself anywhere in the vicinity of Quasimodo's lips?
Comments
looks like he bought himself about 6 necks already
motero 24 Apr 2006
He's got a jowlbeard! Seriously, how creepy would it be if he grew not a goatee, but a JOWL goatee?!?!? A jowl soulpatch would pull ALL da ladies, fo sho'!
andrew 24 Apr 2006
it's where I stash my cash, muthahfuckahs! You WISH you had a neck like this. The loose coins sound fantastic as I strut down to Hooker Lane. All the gals follow me like the Pied Fucking Piper
goiterboy 25 Apr 2006
Why drill in Alaska when we have untapped oil reserves between that dudes neck folds.
You'd think with all that money he'd own a mirror.
Carl 26 Apr 2006
If he lubes it up, I'd fuck his greed-goiter for a mere $120 million. But no kissing.
Quagmire 26 Apr 2006
I'll bet that thing unzips like a fanny pack, and it's full of money...
jpeg 26 Apr 2006
Exxon nets 93 million dollars a day. GOod thing they have all the civil rights you do, or things would be uneven.
factoid 27 Apr 2006
Shiver me timbers!
Source: The grubby, corrupt folks over at Fox!
Never send a retarded, overprivileged cheerleader from Yale to do a man's job.
Comments
Moderately off topic, but here's an interesting plot that shows the correlation between Bush's approval rating and gas prices. Weird.
Gomez 21 Apr 2006
Moooooo & Oink
If you're an Average Homeboy w/ a Casio SK-1...get in on this jingle contest for Chicago's very own, Moo & Oink!
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(Yet Another) Shameless Plug
Nonagon live in Chicago on Friday night at the Reversible Eye Gallery.
Metromix | Poster and Details
Also we will be playing with Dianogah in Milwaukee on Saturday (more info).
OUR EMAIL ANNOUCEMENT FOR THE CURIOUS:
By the grace of generous and talented friends, NONAGON (Tony Aimone, Robert Gomez, and John Hastie) have been given 2 more opportunities to take our noise to the people.
We are playing two shows in rapid succession (and in different cities) this month. You are invited and encouraged to attend as your schedule allows.
S H O W # 1
Friday, April 21st
COUGHS
NEPTUNE
NONAGON
LOTO BALL SHOW
Reversible Eye Gallery
(1103 N. California. Chicago) 8pm
suggested donation $6 - $10
we currently expect to go on stage second, but there‚s a chance that the first band might not be able to play (which is a sad thing, indeed). Maybe you should get there by 9 regardless, eh?
Boston's Neptune is a beautiful experience to behold: minimalist, rhythmic songs played with abandon on imposing, home-welded instruments.
Chicago band Coughs make a beautifully-dissonant, high-energy racket with a non-traditional combination of sounds.
Both of these bands are doing important and exciting stuff! You won‚t be sorry.
NOTE: this is a BYOB show.
Click here to see the beautiful poster courtesy of Jay Ryan and the rest of The Bird Machine:
S H O W # 2
Saturday, April 22st
DIANOGAH!!!!!
NONAGON
The Circle A
(932 E. Chambers. Milwaukee) 8pm $5
The awe-inspiring Dianogah (http://www.dianogah.com/) is among Chicago‚s best and brightest. It‚s been a while since they‚ve played with regularity and what we‚ve heard of the newest stuff is AMAZING! Come watch them outclass us by an alarming margin.
See the show handbill designed by noted painter of birds, Tom Stack:
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Penn Radio
Penn Jillette's (of Penn & Teller) radio show is on Free FM (here in Chicago, that's 105.9, 1-2pm), but I typically catch it via the podcast, which is now the full show but without the commercials.
Yesterday's show title had me crackin' up: It's Very Hard To Remember That Clowns And Mimes Are Human Beings
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Average Homeboy
I basically went to high school with this guy. (No, not this specific guy, but certainly about a half dozen who could've easily made this video.)
I don't even know where to begin, so just watch. A pox on your house, Ryan, for I now am going to have the image of this guy in a Yankees uniform burned into my brain.
Comments
Good God In Heaven!
avg homeboy's mother 19 Apr 2006
I think "average" is being a little generous.
kristn 19 Apr 2006
Hey - I think I wore that EXACT SAME sweater vest for my Balki Bartakamos costume!
motero 19 Apr 2006
Hippie... Wookie.. whatev.
Just used IMDB to look up a movie and this was on their front page. Who knew Otto the stoner from the Simpsons is the guy who plays Chewbacca?
Comments
Goodbye Tiny Tim, hello Peter Mayhew.
He's wearing a t-shirt with his characters image on it . . . major fau pax. That's like buying a concert tee and wearing it at the same rock show.
Very lame.
Carl 19 Apr 2006
Who would've imagined underneath all that hair was... alot of hair?
chewie's mom 20 Apr 2006
HuffPo: Costco cheaper than Medicare Part D
From the comments:
A lot of the stuff done by the Republican party in the last five years is arguably bad. But there are few areas where the evidence that the Republican party has become a criminal organization is as straightforward as with the medicare drug plan.
There may be some honest Republican politicians left, but I wouldn't vote for one of them for national office any more than I would vote for somebody that seemed honest that was a member of the mafia.
For those of us who have been Republican voters all our lives the time has come to face up to the facts. And the facts are that many of the people we voted for have turned out to be criminals.
Comments
*pssst*
Chris and Anne are getting married today. If you're in Central Park, say hi.
Comments
That's uh-spicey meatball!
While Tom Cruise is expected to return to his home planet next month, there's still time for another disastrous PR move: Tommy's gonna eat his baby's placenta!
He'll need a big box of Placenta Helper as (almost) featured in a censored SNL skit: "Placenta Helper lets you stretch your placenta into a tasty casserole. Like Placenta Romanoff--a zesty blend of cheeses makes for the zingy sauce that Russian czars commanded at palace feasts."
Congratulations Tom, if you said you're gay at this point you'd actually seem less strange.
(Thanks to Carl for the illo.)
Comments
Carl, I know exactly the stream of events that passed through your cranium to make this image possible, and I applaud you, sir.
andrew 19 Apr 2006
Andrew, there's a quote by and old cartoonist that I (kinda) remember that goes something like "Why draw what you can trace, why trace what you can cut out and paste down, why cut out and paste down what you can get someone else to do for you?"
While not exactly my official creedo, it applies here.
Carl 19 Apr 2006
Not getting fitted for a halo.
...unless a halo goes around your ankle.
Special prosecuter Patrick Fitzgerald chalks up a conviction for Illinois' ex-governor, George Ryan (R). It's so nice to see the system works occasionally.
See ya Gov.
He'll have company in the big house; Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn (R) expects 6 Republican congressmen and 1 Senator to go to jail over the Abramoff scandal.
Comments
I thought his indignant statement that such a conviction was a fine thank you for 40 years of public service. Like that puts him above the law? How many of those years were you influence peddling, G-love?
BTW, J-peg: Can you please replace his picture with Mr. Magoo?
il_postino 18 Apr 2006
"Now he tells us"
Throwing away any remaining credibility, and any hope for a career in politics Colin Powell admits he was the Bush admin's bitch.
"On Monday, former Secretary of State Colin Powell told me that he and his department's top experts never believed that Iraq posed an imminent nuclear threat, but that (diversionary tactic ahead>>>) the president followed the misleading advice of Vice President Dick Cheney and the CIA in making the claim. Now he tells us."
Gee I don't remember any equivocating when he let himself be used at Bush's pro-war propaganda hearing. He was emphatic about the threat. What's that term for people that do what they're told rather than make waves, especially when they're black and their superiors are white?
Outsider my ass.
Comments
And to think, at one time I felt like I would have voted for him had he run for president.
I totally suck.
Carl 12 Apr 2006
You're not alone. I would have voted for Powell or even McCain until he wrote "this hole for rent" on his ass.
jpeg 12 Apr 2006
Direct quote from the Pre-Iraq state of the union:
"Some have said we must not act until the threat is imminent. Since when have terrorists and tyrants announced their intentions, politely putting us on notice before they strike? If this threat is permitted to fully and suddenly emerge, all actions, all words, and all recriminations would come too late. Trusting in the sanity and restraint of Saddam Hussein is not a strategy, and it is not an option."
The White House did not assert that the threat from Iraq was imminent. The Colin Powell quote is nothing new if one bothered to pay attention to the White House's rhetoric leading up to the war.
Gmz 13 Apr 2006
Sure Gomer, we let a belligerent, over-privegeled simpleton talk the nation into war over a non-imminent threat.
Less that 38% of the country still believe in a White House predicated on the belief that policies don't matter, only politics do. That's been disproven. It turns out you can't manage failure with photo-ops. Is it so hard to admit you're a bad judge of character, that you're going to be the last person to abandon Bush? You can't fake your way out of incompetence. He will never be considered a capable leader by any but the right's luntatic fringe. I'll bet you still have yourself convinced that a blowjob is worse than this (actual) scandal-ridden White House.
jpeg 13 Apr 2006
I was not offering any judgement about Bush or Powell simply bringing up the hard, true and well-fucking-documented fact that the administration went out of its way to distinguish that the threat from Iraq WAS NOT IMMINENT!!!!!!! Do seven exclaimation points, all caps and the out-of-character use of the word fucking drive that point home to your demagoguery-in-lieu-of-thinking mental processes?
Gomez 13 Apr 2006
As much as one (or 2) quote(s) seems sufficient for you to proxy for a year of drum-beating and sabre-rattling, it's misrepresentation to suggest that haste was absent from the neo-con war imperative/propaganda campaign.
Condi: "The problem here is that there will always be some uncertainty about how quickly he can acquire nuclear weapons. But we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.
jpeg 13 Apr 2006
jpeg,
I think you crossed the line on this one - Powell is not an Uncle Tom, and that image is repulsive. Truly vile - I couldn't believe you posted that. I know what you are thinking, and I respect your opinion/disdain, but I had to let you know this one got under my skin.
Gomez, sadly, I don't respect your opinion at all. I usually give you the benefit of the doubt, even though I typically snicker "yeah, right, libertaaaariannnnnn..." Are you for real, or just love to take the piss out of jpeg? Do you really mean to imply that g-dummy's first sentence there actually meant something? Are you that easily mislead? That koolaid you've been drinking must be addictively sweet, I would think by now even you would sober up and stop defending those jackasses.
You probably thought that HIS appearance before the UN was a compassionate leader's desperate attempt to avoid a war. It wasn't, bub - just like his state of the Union addresses, it is just for show. He went through the motions, making a fraudulent effort to persuade the world that he is not a war-monger. It was a sham, and yet guys like you stick with him to this day.
But back to the reason I chimed in here - In Powell's defense, Bush and Cheney really leaned hard on him to make that speech - and I honestly believe he felt he could hold the warboys off by doing so. LOTs of people holding Cabinet positions can be called someone's bitch.
Lest we forget, when the U.S. of Fucking-A and the (actual) coalition was racing to Baghdad during the first Gulf War like those bandit renegades in Mad Max 2, Powell was the man who wanted it called on account of the slaughter rule as soon as possible. Unlike Bush, Cheney and Gomez, he values human life. Even though he has that General's CV, this is one guy who actually gives a damn. Shame the honkey's in the administration wouldn't listen to him a bit more.
pazen 14 Apr 2006
So I guess you could say Powell was responsible for Iraq's post War I crack down that killed tens of thousands, a decade of sanctions that killed 30,000+ children a year, etc. That was the unseen cost of not racing to Baghdad. Don't tell me I don't care about human life. The door swings VERY far both ways and the cost of inaction when dealing with brutally oppressive dictators, although not as headline grabbing as a car bomb, was and is just as awful and deadly (if not more so, since it continued for over a decade). But this is getting off topic and not-to-mention forgetting a whole bunch about the global political climate of 1991.
But let’s go back to my initial point. I am not trying to say that there wasn't a hard push to go to war. That is not in question. The administration made a distinct effort to clarify that the Iraq threat was not imminent. Let me make this clear, that is different from urgency or necessity. Imminence refers to something that is about to occur. Post-Vietnam, imminence has become a sort of key-word trigger for military action in American foreign policy. The Neo-conservative hawks wanted to make it clear that the reason we were going into Iraq was not that Iraq represented an immediate danger to the US but rather a simmering threat that, if unchecked, would eventually snowball into the imminent threat that would be much harder to deal with. Like it or not, herein lies the crux of the activist Neo-conservative foreign policy. This idea stomping out fires before they burn out of control.
This is why there was a consorted effort to differentiate between imminence and their perceived necessity for war. And, again like-it-or-not, this would make it easier for followers of Neo-conservative philosophy to have preemptive strikes in the future. Nitpicky? Maybe. But sorry to say, rhetoric and choice of words matters in public discourse and when dealing with legalities. I remember a certain squabbling over the word is a few years back.
Gomez 17 Apr 2006
Pazen, as a honkey myself I'm deeply offended by your use of the term. You're such an Aunt Jemima.
jpeg 17 Apr 2006
And the difference Gomez? We ALL agree that the squabble over the word "is" was a low point and a giant shameful, piece of stupidity in Clinton's presidency. With any lucidty you'd see that the president misdirecting the country for 2 and half years over "catching any leaker" that turned out to be him, then squabbling over whether technically he is a leaker or a declassifier is the same fucking childish idiocy.
jpeg 17 Apr 2006
Wow! When did this become a thread about the CIA leak thingy? Did someone say, "tunnel vision?" No... oh well, I thought I heard someone say that. My mistake.
Anyhoo, I was not making an equivalency with Clinton, just making the point that words and how they are used are important in legal and policy making realms. Clinton understood this. You won't be calling this "childish idiocy" if you ever have the misfortune of sitting in front of a judge one day (and I'm not talking about Simon Cowell and your Pop Idol aspirations).
And back to the MAIN argument... the record shows that, for neo-conservative policy reasons, the administration made a consorted effort to differenciate imminence and necessity. Do a Lexus/Nexus search if you still doubt this. The quote by Powell about imminence should not have come as a surprise since the adminstration was attempting to make that point since day one of their Iraq push.
Gomez 18 Apr 2006
Well, we're eleven exchanges into this topic. You've won over noone... again, and we haven't reached you. Thanks for playing.
Jpeg 18 Apr 2006
At least Peter Noone and the rest of Herman's Hermits are on my side.
Not out to change your mind, just pointing out a factual error, which, even if you conceded, would and should have no bearing on your political philosophy. Just trying to clear away some of the tribalistic, partison mud that so often goes unchecked here at ye ol' House Ocho.
Gomez 19 Apr 2006
Powell wasn't responsible for those deaths, I blame General Schwarzkopf, who brokered a deal with the Iraqis that allowed them to use helicopters with assault rifles - you are so well-read, I am surprised that you aren't aware that many of those tens of thousands you refer to were gunned down as we packed up and went home. So much of the "Hussein had to go, look how many Iraqis he killed" argument is bullshit, convenient talking points for hawks, when in reality, we could have prevented much of that.
I will take you at your word about caring - I just think that your rationale for being hawkish is somewhat skewed. I shouldn't have done that.
pazen 19 Apr 2006
I was being a bit facetious. No single individual was responsible for the post Gulf War 1 back down. Politcal pressure both abroad and at home (i count myself in this group) thought liberating Kuwait was enough already. In hindsight we were wrong. As always, hindsight has a way of being crystal clear.
However, I have a feeling that all the current political ankle biting over Iraq would just have played itself out in 1994... 'bout the time when Americans would be really weary of our hypothetical 1991 "occupation" of Iraq. In a pre 9/11 world, I may have been on your guy's side if such were the case. But alas.
Gomez 20 Apr 2006
BOOoooo...
Universally reviled
vice-president Dick Cheney
(far right) threw out the first
pitch in Washington today
to a deafening chorus of boos
and catcalls. It sounds like
a freight train.
The Fox announcer (Qtime)
doesn't even mention it.
Comments
No Mr. Cheney, they were cheering "BOO-urns! BOO-urns!"
Carl 13 Apr 2006
Eats. Shits. Leaves.
From the latest police blotter in Oak Leaves, the local paper out in Oak Park:
The basement door of a home on the 600 block of South Elmwood Avenue was forced open between 1:30 pm and 4:30 pm April 1. Ice cream, soup, Gatorade and soda were consumed. The person who entered the home used the bathroom in the home and drove a 1998 Toyota Camry, parked in the garage, into the overhead garage door causing $1,400 in damage.
Comments
What? I was hungry! BTW, the soda was flat.
andrew 11 Apr 2006
reminds me of my favorite sign, found and sent to Found magazine: "All tenants must lock the laundry room door after use, this will prevent unauthorized persons from defecating in the washing machines." And their classic followup: "All people authorized to defecate in the washers will be given a key."
jpeg 11 Apr 2006
Sometimes when drinking and driving I've ended up in other peoples homes and I can frolic for several hours before "cluing in to my surroundings", I simply grabbed a few icecream floats for the road and took a quick shit. Who wouldn't?
Talaria 29 Sep 2006
The Iran Plans
Skidmark-inducing piece on Iran's nuclear program(s), and what the U.S. may do about it. This is not good.
"The bottom line is that Iran cannot become a nuclear-weapons state. The problem is that the Iranians realize that only by becoming a nuclear state can they defend themselves against the U.S. Something bad is going to happen."
Comments
Liberals and thoughtful people will let even this happen before doing anything, and then they'll probably still do nothing. Liberals are prone to inaction. They think that the insightful association of Bush with a scandal will bring him down. Good luck. It took TWO stupid parties to bring us to where we are. The GOP could get people into the streets over a fucking blowjob. The Dems have squandered every "gimme" handed to them.
Nothing to see here... Continue shopping and watching American Idol.
bitter 10 Apr 2006
Springbreak 2007-Tehran...Part-tee
Do you think the producers from Girls Gone Wild or MTV Springbreak will show up, or will it be the typical ABC (or CNN) reporters being blown to bits by carbombs?
Nora Fitzpatrick 11 Apr 2006
File Under...
"Yet another powerful, predatory republican raising a sadistic, homophobic, broom-handle-sodomizing son who shouldn't go to jail because he's a "good christian." (??!)
Tougher laws are coming
to punish brooms like this
Comments
PTFIJA*
Put the fucker in jail already.
Bush is silent after Scooter Libby discloses that he was the leaker of the identity of a CIA agent.
If this fucker isn't impeached within the month, the country is no longer worth saving.
Comments
smirking prick Prez has his ass handed to him.
Some reasonable, articulate guy was able to penetrate the neo-con bullshit cloud today, and bitch-slap Bush.
Q You never stop talking about freedom, and I appreciate that. But while I listen to you talk about freedom, I see you assert your right to tap my telephone, to arrest me and hold me without charges, to try to preclude me from breathing clean air and drinking clean water and eating safe food. If I were a woman, you'd like to restrict my opportunity to make a choice and decision about whether I can abort a pregnancy on my own behalf. You are --
BUSH: I'm not your favorite guy. Go ahead. (Laughter and applause.) Go on, what's your question?
Q Okay, I don't have a question. What I wanted to say to you is that I -- in my lifetime, I have never felt more ashamed of, nor more frightened by my leadership in Washington, including the presidency, by the Senate, and --
AUDIENCE OF FLUNKIES: Booo!
BUSH: No, wait a sec -- let him speak.
Q And I would hope -- I feel like despite your rhetoric, that compassion and common sense have been left far behind during your administration, and I would hope from time to time that you have the humility and the grace to be ashamed of yourself...
So what does Bush do...? Answers a phony flag-waving question that wasn't asked.
Comments
is there a link? I need a video clip of this!
mollusk 07 Apr 2006
...and so you shall have it... (see article)
linky 07 Apr 2006
http://images1.americanprogress.org/il80web20037/ThinkProgress/2006/taylorbush.320.240.mov
mollusk 07 Apr 2006
Who's the orange guy?
With Prior and Wood starting the year on the DL, Cubs LF Matt Murton may be one of the few bright spots of this early season. He proved late last year he belonged in the bigs, and with an opening day 3-run homer in Cincy, he got 2006 off to a great start.
The story goes that when Murton first walked into the clubhouse, Greg Maddux asked, "Who's the orange guy?" and the nickname stuck.
Matt Murton roster page (Cubs.com)
Comments
I heart the Cubs French outfield...Pierre, Jacque and Monsieur Murton.
motero 05 Apr 2006
Insert DHS pervert arrest article here:
Sorry Jpeg.
Comments
Don't stand in a large cluster of clowns
Words to live by, my friend.
Clowns can be intimidating if you see a lot of them in one place.
Thanks, Chris.
Comments
unintentionally hilarious. "The elderly are lonely and more likely to put up with a bunch of fucking annoying clowns." I think this film is actually about people addicted to clowning.
blisters the clown 04 Apr 2006
Hey hey hey... Goodbye....
Our fearless Christian leader and dog-fucker, (shown here giving the Nazi salute) Tom Delay's political career is over with his resignation in June. The big payoff now is the day he's fitted in an orange jumpsuit and waddles his slimeball ass to prison for life!
Now at the 11th hour Scooter Libby (author of a book featuring the rape of a 10-year-old girl by a bear) wants you to believe Colin Powell was the CIA/Plame leaker.
But Patrick Fitzgerald knew the leaker from the start and is working on Karl Rove's indictment.
The Bush White House will still have to work hard to take the coveted "Most Corrupt, Indicted White House ever" award from Ronnie Reagan.
Comments
Dammit, jpeg! You get up too early. I woke up to this news on the radio. What a way to start the day.
Of course, stepping down has nothing to do with the investigation. An investigation clearly built on a pile of lies. Obviously.
andrew 04 Apr 2006
Let this be a lesson to all smalltime exterminators whose secret ambition is to use lies and evil to run their country into the ground at great personal profit.
the orkin man 04 Apr 2006
man, without the hammer, Mr. "Deal"-ay, where am I gonna get my daily dose of hate? wait - he'll probably be a paid political consultant on Faux News real quick, with all the rest of the pricks who have broken the law and got rich from it... Ollie North, G. Gordon, and that malnourished Bob Novak. At least now he doesn't have to worry about actually having to do something that even smells like its for the common good.
pazen 05 Apr 2006
Jesse Helms has dementia, his wife says
I guess that means he's retreated to the only practical utopia a reactionary righty can hope for. “He has his good days and his bad days,” Dot Helms says. “He still sees friends, but he is not able to make any speeches.”
(Oh what a shame!)
The 84-year-old statutory-raping, racist Republican has been slowed by illnesses. “His manners are always intact,” Mrs. Helms said, “unless you happen to be a colored person.”
Wishing you a long agonizing death, cracker.
Comments
Has Jesse seen any little people in trees lately?
Carl 05 Apr 2006
A crackhead or a REAL leprechaun?
These people are convinced they've seen a leprechaun up in a tree. It only comes out at night, and it mysteriously vanishes when you try and shine a light on it.
A magical leprechaun flute that has been passed down in one family for thousands of years is involved as well.
Be sure to buy the t-shirt of the amateur drawing.
Comments
Just put him anywhere
Our dim ↓ president
As featured on CNN's lead story "Bushes pushes Guest Worker Program." Apparently he pushed the program into the shadow of yesterday's eclipse.
Comments
They all think he's a righteous dude.
In honor of the 20th anniversary of Ferris Bueller's Day Off (Yes, you're that old), RobotMonkeyPirate! wants you to rule the school. Danke schein schön! (Sheesh! Thanks, frau!)
Comments
The schein part of "danke schein" is spelt 'schon' mit der umlaut over the 'o.' I'd be delighted to show you how to spell many german words while eating sauerkraut meine liebling.
frau farbissima 29 Mar 2006
...speechless
Pro-life statue of Brittney Spears giving birth* unveiled. Never mind that she had a C-section.
ahominahah.. fubidhah (other unintelligible sounds)
*on a bearskin rug naturally.
Comments
To bad Jeff Koons didn't do this . . . the bear would be fucking her and he'd be rimming the bear.
carl 29 Mar 2006
The photos don't show it all. There could be another bear.
ursa major 30 Mar 2006
No candy for me, thanks.
Have you seen the Skittles beard commercial yet?
Seems designed so it can't be ignored.
creepy...
gross.
Comments
Seriously. Disturbing. Eeew.
andrew 27 Mar 2006
i love that ad! that guy should have a spin-off movie.
type55 28 Mar 2006
"The male neutralizes the woman's rejection when his appendage/beard inserts food into her mouth." Freud would have a field day. Blecch. I'll be right back, I have to go bleach my eyes.
Sigmund Jpeg 28 Mar 2006
Creepy indeed. I also find this starburst one quite ammusing http://tinyurl.com/g4gmq
motero 28 Mar 2006
Dear bereaved relative of (insert name of deceased)
Families of those who died in (insert name of disaster or terrorist attack) were sent a form letter and transcription of their (insert relation)'s final 911 calls without any prior notification that the calls had been made. One woman fainted in an elevator, after reading what she thought was an unimportant piece of mail, but turned out to be her husband's final words.
Comments
Now that's what I call an Ally!
Just before this war began, Russia gave Iraq the location of OUR TROOPS!
Wow... that's evil.
With friends like this, who needs scapegoats?
Comments
Ask not what your boobs can do for you... ask what your boobs can do for your country.
There's your run-of-the-mill insane republican and then there's barking-mad, Joker-faced loony Katherine Harris who occupies a crack-fueled, eyeliner-sniffing world of delirium all by herself. (actually, Ann Coulter's probably in there too)
Check out this bizarre interview (click "video") where she makes a persuasive case for what her tremendous rack can do for Florida.
Comments
Harris' twins were the topic of conversation on a recent Real Time with Bill Maher. It's been well-documented that these are probably the most prominent "assets" of her campaign.
I believe the quote was, "I'll tell ya what, she's got Spirit and Moxie, I'll give her that."
...wait for it...
"That's what she's named them."
Ba-dump-dum-cshshshsh!
And yes, she is certified batshit crazy. (Oh, and your link is busted, jpeg.) I fixed it... Jpeg
andrew 23 Mar 2006
I found it exciting. She's a very exciting politician with exciting ideas! And I get excited by her excitement. It's just going to be an exciting campaign and I wish I lived in the exciting state of Florida where so much excitement is being exciting and...uh oh. I just climaxed. Got a tissue, Mr Hannity?
il_postino 24 Mar 2006
Why, I find her titillating - you left wing perverts, leave my girlfriend alone
pazen 28 Mar 2006
Now there's a CILF
Bill C 30 Mar 2006
Crazy like a fox!
Almost nothing makes me happier than Liza Minnelli, or, more specifically, this montage of Liza with a Z on Larry King Live. Loves it!
Comments
Liza Minelli has been socially retarded for about a century.
jpeg 22 Mar 2006
I dunno. I laughed pretty hard when the guy admitted on national television that he was a musical theater major.
il_postino 24 Mar 2006
The Age-old Conflict
"Crocodile Kills Humanitarian"
proving once again that crocodiles hate humanitarians.
That croc needs a good lawyer.
Comments
Please send more humanitarians . . . burp!
Wally Gator 22 Mar 2006
Can someone please again explain the difference btwn. a crocodile and aligator (besides a love of eating humanitarians)......
Nora Fitzpatrick 22 Mar 2006
Crocodiles hate humanitarians, alligators hate episcopalians.
crikey 23 Mar 2006
Another McSweeney's Gem
Comments
New Study: Neocons say, "Wahhhh!"
Comments
Riddle me This.
What do you get when you cross an air vent with a McDonalds Happyland playground?
- Frank Gehry's new Museum of Tolerance (Israel).
Can you tolerate it?
Comments
Is that blue thingy a slide or something?
andrew 16 Mar 2006
I especially like the . . . ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.
carl 16 Mar 2006
This just in
What to do when you have hit a new lowest rating, you sunk your country in war that virtually noone supports anymore, and you despise yourself? Bomb Iraq!
Please would someone get this man a blowjob.
Comments
Meanwhile, Osama sits in a Pakistani Burger King enjoying some "Freedom Fries".
carl 17 Mar 2006
I have it on good authority that, against Osama's doctor's orders, he is a complete sucker for the meat'normous sandwich.
Saddam 17 Mar 2006
OMFG! There's MORE of them?!?
Seriously, when I first watched this, I thought it was a clever edit job. Unfortunately this is not the case.
Comments
Well if Prescott Bush the third is for the A-Rabs taking over our ports, then it must be alright with me.
joe sixpack 15 Mar 2006
crazy, he's a cross between g-dummy and alfred e newman
paz 16 Mar 2006
"The White House is tired."
Uh yeah, it's not like incompetence and bullshit eventually bite you in the ass. It's just bad luck.
Comments
"Oh boy! Sleep! That's when I'm a Viking!"
Ralph Wiggum 13 Mar 2006
Time for an intervention
Need to step away from the Meat'normous sandwiches, my friend? Can't get the monkey off your back? Addicted to stirring up shitstorms in the Middle East? Put down the World of Warcraft guide and step away from the keyboard. It's...
Comments
Have a Meaty Morning
Because sometimes you just want
a meat'normous sandwich in the morning, Burger King thoughtfully provides one.
AND everyone still drinks 2% out here! You can barely find skim milk in CA. Health-food, schmealth food.
Comments
While you have to admire the sheer disregard for personal wellbeing this "food product" presents, it does break one of the few cardinal food rules that I have . . . three types of pork in one sandwich/dish is simply not done. This double-fisted breakfast barge should come with its own medical alert bracelet. State penal systems should consider administering this as a form of in expensive (and tasty) capital punishment.
Check out the nutritional info, paying special attention to the sodium content:
http://www.bk.com/Food/Nutrition/NutritionWizard/index.aspx?bid=138
carl 13 Mar 2006
Mmmmm...salt lick...
Homer 14 Mar 2006
Is it hot in here?
Record Set for Hottest Temperature on Earth: 3.6 Billion Degrees in Lab.
Yowza! The best part? They don't know how they did it. Maybe if they got Chris and Mitch on the job they'd be able to figure it out.
Comments
I'm guessing that it must have involved Colin Farrell in some way. He's scorching.
jpeg 09 Mar 2006
That's Hot.
Paris Hilton 09 Mar 2006
1,000 lb man Down to 400 lbs
Now he's only a quarter of a ton. I'm inspired. I'm going to go out for lunch and eat a whole cake with extra gravy.
(unrelated photo)
Comments
Southern Intellect
(with apologies to Kristin & Troy)
Authorities arrested 3 southern college students in the recent string of church burnings in Alabama. Matthew Lee Cloyd said the first five were done "as a joke, and it got out of hand."
A few days later, Cloyd and his buds went back and burned four more churches as a diversion, intended to throw off investigators, but says the super-genius "the diversion did not work."
I've changed my mind. I'm FOR executing the oblivious.
Comments
If there are two things I can't stand, it's intollerance of other people and The South.
For more laughs at the expense of Americans who live below the Manson-Nixon Line, check out this movie:
carl 09 Mar 2006
As we sit in our non Republican oasis of Austin, I understand and share your disgust. How have you not tied this southern idiocy story with the fact that DeLay won the GOP primary in Houston?
kristin 09 Mar 2006
I think we all need to get used to implausible Republican wins now that GOP flunkies Diebold run our voting and there are five rubberstamp votes for Bush on the Supreme Court. The time to confront GOP evil passed without a peep from liberals or Dems. I hope everyone enjoyed the last democratic wins of their lifetime.
jpeg 09 Mar 2006
How stupid is SBC?
Really fucking stupid.
So a few months ago Pazen had the bright idea of calling SBC and seeing how we could have "Element Creative" show up in caller id when we called someone, instead of my name, since I set up the account.[1]
Several botched customer service experiences, about a week's worth of fubared voicemail, fewer features and a higher bill later, when we call someone it says "Element Creative" on the caller id. Yay! Oh, and Pazen jumped ship shortly after making this oh so helpful suggestion.[2]
During several of my many calls with the completely incompetent and unhelpful customer service reps at SBC, I asked no fewer than three different people to have a manager call me back to discuss our account. To date, no one has ever called me. Well, that's not true. One woman called to subject me to a customer satisfaction survey (HAH!), which resulted in some technical supervisor calling me because the woman had incorrectly noted that I was unhappy with the service I received from the technician that came out to make sure our DSL service was still working. He was in our office for approximately 30 seconds. I had no problem with his performance. He was probably the most helpful and competent person I met during this entire ordeal, in that A) he only took up about 30 seconds of my time and B) he didn't break any of our shit.
One of the "features" of this switch is that now the SBC website login we'd been using for nearly 3 years is no longer associated with our still-active phone number. Even though our phone number never changed, our account's status changed, and therefore we had to create a new website account. A minor inconvenience, sure, but when added to all the other complete incompetence I encountered, the annoyance factor was magnified.
So today, I get an email from SBC, regarding the old username:
Our records show that you do not have any active telephone accounts associated with your MySBC (SM) account.
If you would like to continue to use our online services, please add a telephone account to your MySBC account by doing the following:
1. Go to http://www.sbc.com/mysbc.
2. Enter your User ID, XXXXXXXXXX, and Password and select Log In.
3. Select the My Profile tab.
4. Select Add a new acount and follow the directions.
If you do not add an active telephone account to your MySBC account by 11/17/2006, we will remove your online account from our database.
Thank you for using SBC Online Services. We look forward to continuing to serve you.
Suck it SBC.
[1] When I first set up the account, I told them it was for a business, and they went ahead and set it up as a residential line anyway. Thanks, dickheads!
[2] I keed! I keed!
Comments
Here's a case where outsourcing a customer service job to India would be a good thing.
carl 09 Mar 2006
fine - blame this on me... I'll be your scapegoat. you're just pissed because having your name on the ID made it seem like we were the "andrew falconer company". ziiiiing.
On a serious note, sbc truly is awful, filled with the most mickey-mouse bureaucracy we've ever seen. I refuse to use them - and THAT was why I jumped ship.
pazen 11 Mar 2006
I'm with stupid.
3 World Leaders and wives looking remarkably uncasual.
Wasn't this a Talking Heads album cover?
Comments
Move over, Madame Tussad . . . here comes the White House of Wax in 3-D!!!
carl 06 Mar 2006
Why is this not surprising?
Tape: Bush, Chertoff Warned Before Katrina (AP)
Video (iFilm)
In dramatic and sometimes agonizing terms, federal disaster officials warned President Bush and his homeland security chief before Hurricane Katrina struck that the storm could breach levees, put lives at risk in New Orleans' Superdome and overwhelm rescuers, according to confidential video footage.
Bush didn't ask a single question during the final briefing before Katrina struck on Aug. 29, but he assured soon-to-be-battered state officials: "We are fully prepared."
The footage — along with seven days of transcripts of briefings obtained by The Associated Press — show in excruciating detail that while federal officials anticipated the tragedy that unfolded in New Orleans and elsewhere along the Gulf Coast, they were fatally slow to realize they had not mustered enough resources to deal with the unprecedented disaster.
Comments
Not to be too much of a nag... this comment isn't intended as a defense of Bush's statements about not being warned... But, having watched this, the video does not show the prez being warned about a levee breach. He is specifically being told about the levees being topped by the storn surge... meaning, I gather, the levees aren't tall enough. The isn't a nitpicky semantic discrepancy, it would seem to me that topping/overflowing a dam or levee is quite a different thing that breaking/breaching through the structure. Just a thought.
Gomez 02 Mar 2006
Read the article again, Gomez.
Brown and others warned that the storm could breach levees, endanger lives in the New Orleans Superdome and overwhelm rescuers.
The video from iFilm is an edited version of the tape. It is clear from the AP story that any and all of these scenarios were in fact a part of many briefings.
For him to make a statement like "I don't think anyone anticipated the levees breaking..." I mean, c'mon. It is just so completely asinine.
My favorite bit: "I hope people don't draw conclusions from the president getting a single briefing," presidential spokesman Trent Duffy said Wednesday, citing a variety of orders and disaster declarations Bush signed before the storm made landfall. "He received multiple briefings from multiple officials, and he was completely engaged at all times."
Hah! So he had more than one briefing on just how serious the situation could get, and it still didn't sink in? Nice one Trent.
andrew 03 Mar 2006
This is the worst president corporations ever purchased. Where's that receipt?
jpeg 04 Mar 2006
Rest in Peace, Chubby
I'm sorry to say that Val & Jeff's sharpei Chubby died this morning. Chubby was 12 and had some medical problems over the last year or two. I'll miss him, his wise old face, and him greeting me after long stretches out of town with a happy, wagging tail. He was a sweet dog.
Comments
Smell ya later.
Chub 02 Mar 2006
I'll forever miss Chub's chill attitude and love of the ladies. No female ever wanted for attention in his presence. I'm tippin' my fodey (of skanksgiving gravy) to your memory, buddy.
Karen 02 Mar 2006
Freedom '06
Strangely overgroomed, age-fighting pop star George Michael got his bad self nabbed for drugs. Perhpas like past adventures, he'll release a funky new video about it.
Comments
Dumbest. Athlete. Ever.
Beer-loving, practice-hating Olympian Bode Miller failed to complete his fifth and final event, after he dropped his bong. But he's proud of his accomplishments (!) saying "I just wanted to go out and rock. And man, I rocked here!" Miller said, "it's been an awesome two weeks, I got to party and socialize at an Olympic level."
seriously. You can read his complete bizarre comments here.
In other news, even effete, right-wing-nut William F. Buckley concedes Iraq is lost.
Comments
Morrissey the Terrorist
Morrissey (Yes, that Morrissey) was picked up by the FBI and questioned because he called President Bush a "terrorist."
I feel safer now knowing our people have their eye on him, don't you?
Comments
come armageddon, come armegeddon, come!
jpeg 25 Feb 2006
Our Children Must be Protected from the Republican Lifestyle
An Ohio senator is pushing some new legislation to ban republicans from adopting.
TWO parties can misuse the government.
Comments
Oy.
According to some poll:
- Two-thirds of Americans believe Hillary Clinton will run for president in 2008.
- Only one-third believes she can win
- 80 percent don't think Condoleezza Rice could win presidency
I agree; Hillary doesn't have a prayer.
Sadly, the Dems treat running for president like it's a resume-builder.
Comments
Crappy way to Go
Franklin Paul Crow (pictured) was arrested and accused of fatally beating his roommate with a hammer because they had run out of toilet paper in their home. Aside from that he looks like a nice guy.
Comments
This guy loooks like a partially-shaved Sasquatch. Claw-hammer? Even Oscar and Felix could talk shit out!
il_postino 22 Feb 2006
Halliburton wins no-bid contract to reconstruct Cheney's reputation
This is pretty funny:
http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1324&srch=
Comments
Chicago to RNC "Not interested"
Chicago tells the RNC we're not interested in hosting their 2008 Republican National Convention
http://cbs2chicago.com/topstories/local_story_047082857.html
We live in a pretty cool city, lets hope the mayor sticks to that answer.
Comments
Heaven forbid we allow people with differing opinions to congregate in our precious little "progressive" utopia.
Gomez 19 Feb 2006
I gotta agree with Gomez on this one, Daleys attitude towards this topic just reinforces his "pocket-sized Imperialist" carapace.
Lil' D prefers spending his time buzzdozing municipal property or protected historical structures.
Not what I'm looking for in an elected official, local or otherwise.
carl 20 Feb 2006
I am a tad bit disappointed, I was going to rig a Ninja ZX-14 with explosives, and jump off as I blew up the bike at the hotel where John McCave, Bill Gristl, Grover Borgquist and all the other GOP jackasses were staying at... Some call it terrorism, I prefer to call it my own form of compassionate conservatism.
Oh, yeah, I was going to promise Coultergeist some coke, so she'd be on the back of that ricerocket, hanging on for dear life. Taking her out at the same time... now THAT would be utopia...
pazen 21 Feb 2006
If you're keeping score
Is it just me or are massive death-causing events the new black?
2,400 dead - Today - Landslide in the Phillipines
1,200 dead - 2006 Red Sea boat sinking
2,000 dead - 2005 Hurricane Katrina
84,000 dead - 2005 Indonesia earthquake
26,000 dead - 2003 Xmas earthquake (Iran)
220,000 dead - 2004 Christmas Tsunami
130,000 - 2002 Misconceived war to force democracy down the throats of Iraqi scapegoat
3,000 dead - 2001 WTC
If there is a god* he's one f**ked up sadist.
(* And this list should prove that there isn't)
Comments
There clearly IS a God and she is one pissed-off bitch doing some serious housecleaning.
Now, go create me a turkey pot-pie woman!
carl 17 Feb 2006
You ain't seen nothin' yet jpeg
Just wait til you see my Bird Flu®
Then you will weep and gnash your teeth and wish for the good old days
Love, God
God 19 Feb 2006
Best Press Conference EVAR
Wow, that was worth the wait...
A grotesquely disfigured Dick Cheney's bizarre, freakish "interview", in which he jumps up and down on a trampoline and fondles fish and a gun, tells the audience:
"Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my black little heart! You came here for some excitement tonight and that's just what you're going to get! Take a good look at ME because I'm going to be on the front of every newspaper in this country tomorrow! You're looking at crime personified AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT! I framed Leslie Bacon! I called the heroin hot line on Abby Hoffman! I bought the gun that Bremmer used to shoot Wallace! I had an affair with Juan Corona! I blew Richard Speck! And I'm so f--king beautiful I can't stand it myself!"
"Now, everybody freeze! Who wants to be famous? Who wants to DIE for their country?!"
When an audience member leaps up and replies: "I do!", he shoots him, and when the audience flees, he continues to fire on them maniacally.
(with apologies to John Waters and the late Divine)
Comments
Hunting buzzed IS hunting drunk!
...to mis-appropriate a public service announcement after Cheney's admission of post-beer hunting. At least the slippery dick took the blame for once.
Comments
Your Tax Dollars At Work
As expected, more photos from Abu Ghraib (or, as Dubya prefers, "Aboo Gareff") are all over the Internets. They are burly.
Comments
It takes a deeply repressed country to dream up garbage like this.
jpeg 15 Feb 2006
The Photos of Stephane Fugier
These are some wild photos. None involve the vice president shooting bystanders
NSFW
Comments
are you *trying* to give me nightmares?
karen 15 Feb 2006
Ghetto-fab
He's rockin' the fake fur with style, but what you don't see is the best knock-it-all-out-in-one-go neck tattoo evar.
Every One
Yep, I'd say that pretty much covers it.
Comments
Michael Fuckin' Anthony
Is it bad that thru this entire thing I was thinking "break a string...break a string..." He's like a bass-playing plumber.
Thanks Chris, you bastard.
Comments
It gives the audience something to watch while Diamond Dave is backstage doin' a pound of blow, nailin' six hotties and drinking blood through a severed goats penis.
carl 13 Feb 2006
Just like they taught him at Juilliard:
- Make it look really difficult, even when you're just doing runs
- Your ax is your cock: jerk it!
- Virtuosos don't get blown, they get therapy
il_postino 14 Feb 2006
The Compact
A group of San Francisco area folks have pledged to not buy anything in 2006 except food, medicine and underwear.
While this is going to an extreme to make what is an admirable point, imagine if the general populace made this sort of pledge for just a month out of the year? A week? Could you do it? Do you think it would make a difference?
My first thought was just think how much fatter everyone would get because now you'd have all this extra money and all you can buy is food. Or drugs! Yay! Perscription drug habits for everyone!
Comments
What's it gonna take (another Great Depression) before your average consumer recognizes the inherent value in buying locally, resoleing a shoe instead of throwing it out or bartering for goods and services?
carl 13 Feb 2006
Do you think it would make a difference?
Yeah, the only people to make any money will be food suppliers, drug companies and underwear makers. That wouldn't last long because there would be no incentive for those poeple to make money anyway... with nothing to do with the money except buy more food, drugs and underwear. Everyone from assembly-line workers to Web designers and artists would eventually slip to poverty levels. The economy would be destroyed. Science and technology innovation would cease. People would turn to mysticism and barbarism and we would return to the dark ages. Thanks to a couple of hippies in San Francisco who never bothered to crack open a remedial econ textbook.
Gomez 14 Feb 2006
Mysticism and barbarism continue to dominate the planet and science and technology are just the newest clubs being used to beat you into submission.
"What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women."
- Conan the Barbarian
carl 14 Feb 2006
at least the quail are safe.
jpeg 15 Feb 2006
I don't really see it as an attempt to upset the economic world order. I think it's more an exercise in self-restraint and thinking first about whether you really need to buy all the shit you buy on a daily / weekly / monthly basis. I know I don't. Hell, I'm over here sellin' snarky t-shirts NO ONE needs.
(I'll bet buying patchouli is allowed by The Compact, btw.)
andrew 15 Feb 2006
Im like so glad Im not dating a 'compacter'.
Winster 15 Feb 2006
I get the idea. It's just a dumb idea. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to buy lots of stuff that is beyond basic human needs. They fact that I can go online and order a bar of soap beats the hell out of having to render animal fat, extract fragrances and make a bar of soap all by myself. The convenience of modern consumerism allows me the time and monetary resources to pursue intrests outside of hunting and gathering, be it reading blogs, making art or music, philosophizing, watching a movie, getting drunk, taking my wife out for an evening ride in my $200,000 Ferrarigihni-Hummer-Segway...
Wanna make a point about buying on borrowed money, or spending beyond one's means... basic econ knowledge that most average joes are lacking... going on a consumerism "hunger-strike" ain't gonna teach, prove, or do anything for/to anyone. I guess running a banking seminar isn't going to make the S.F. Examiner though.
Gomez 15 Feb 2006
Well, actually it's just not going to teach YOU anything.
jpeg 17 Feb 2006
Dead Eye Dick!
There was an 18-hr (tom) Delay in the veeps acknowledging he shot his friend while (dan) Quayle hunting. Blammity-blam!
Nice Shootin Tex. You must be in the N.R.A.
Comments
It was Wittingtons fault for getting in Cheney's way. It was also Sharon Tate's faul for being home that night, Nicole Simpsons fault for having a head that was so easy to cut off... and that goddamned Lindbergh baby had it comin.
ultra-con 14 Feb 2006
after he shot him, the scent of blood drove him into a frenzy
Imagine that - Cheney nearly offs someone, and just goes about his business, since he has his personal ambulance (filled with vials of blood from vestal virgins, of course) that follows him round the clock.
But I don't think I will ever get the hunter/killer mentality. Here's a quote from the woman who owns the ranch where the Vice Imperialist was at:
"This is something that happens from time to time. You know, I've been peppered pretty well myself," said Armstrong.
Comments
They keep trying to minimize things by saying he was only "peppered with grapeshot." Yes, that's what comes out of a shotgun. Rifles and guns fire bullets, shotguns fire shot. The only difference between having your head taken off and being peppered is distance. You never aim a shotgun at anything you don't want to kill. The veep is another dumbass.
jpegfiresguns 13 Feb 2006
Shut up or I'll shoot you too.
Dick 13 Feb 2006
"peppered with grapeshot", I wish. There'd be nothing left of him . . . grapeshot being civil war-era cannon projectiles.
Birdshot is what he was hit with. Think of it more like the size of really coarse sand. Still, better some idle rich fucker than me.
Does this mean we get to pry Cheneys gun out of his cold, dead hand?
carl 13 Feb 2006
Laura Bush thinks she would be a skier?
The first lady is in Torino, (or do you say Turin?) and after being pressed to choose a sport if she were to compete in the Winter Olympics, she settled on becoming a skier.
This made me think that with her jackass husband, she ought to be an expert at luge... she's undoubtedly spent a lot of time on her back praying for a fast finish.
woot woooooooot!
(full disclosure: my apologies to all - I completely swiped that line from some white chick writing about her fondness of the Winter games in Red Eye)
Comments
Fangs for the memories, Grandpa.
The baseball scout, restarauntuer, political crack-pot and TV vampire died Feb. 4 at the age of 95.
I go on vacation for a few days and my whole world gets turned upside down.
What's next, Dick Cheney hunting millionaires for sport?
Comments
have no fear, carl... he rose from the dead Thursday and the rest of us disciples are hanging out with him in Jersey.
pazen 12 Feb 2006
My magical belief system is better than yours
Today as I celebrate Ashoura my buddies and I will relive the martyrdom of Hussein by hitting ourselves in the head until we bleed, with chains and hatchets. Traditionally Ashoura also becomes an overtly violent holiday. 15 people were killed by a bomb today in New Delhi at their festival. Last month we attended the Haj to throw stones a huge rock representing Satan. 400 people were trampled when the crowd surged. Last year, 600 muslim pilgrims were killed at the same event.
Good Times. Extremist Islam is the right religion for me.
File under "herd thinning."
Comments
As the Bible says, "Screw that!"
Homer J 09 Feb 2006
Aaaah.... that little baby covered in blood is sooooo cute!
liz 10 Feb 2006
Hmm, a religious celebration that includes massive head trauma and blood loss.
It would explain quite a bit.
carl 11 Feb 2006
Our Technologically Advanced Founding Fathers
Comments
well shucks, if honest abe supports elektroiks watchin' us, so does i !!!!
cleatus 08 Feb 2006
Damn, that white boy can dance!
Must see dancing: Bachelor # 3 in the orange shirt. Wait for it... Paze, It will restore your faith in young people wearing bright colors.
Comments
that kid needs the kanye/plasticman specs and he would be set. he is obviously missing a skeleton. sarah digs it
pazen 04 Feb 2006
Heaven Knows I'm Miserabler (sic) Now
I am officially throwing in the towel... or maybe I should just throw a rotten tomato instead. unggggggh. Someone please tell me that this is mothersbaugh's subversive way of getting back at all the spuds who hated devo back in the day.
Looks like Booji Boy sold out to the mouse. De-Evolution? Try reductio ad absurdum...
Comments
Eh, better than the friggin' Wiggles. Sarah wouldn't get down to this? She probably listens to the original...
(Sister) Sarah and Alex already have AJ quoting Ramones lyrics.
andrew 02 Feb 2006
er, dem wigglers are bigger than jeebus. and sarah is a PE fan. but only because she can't understand the moniker flavor flav...
pazen 03 Feb 2006
I'm not disputing the popularity of The Wiggles. I'm saying they suck my ass.
andrew 03 Feb 2006
This IS Devo. We are ALL Devo. Devo re-recorded all their songs and had kids sing, it's not far off from Devo's EZ Listening album?
I LOVE this concept. Brillant way to get gen Xers to try and force feed their culture down their kid's throats. Like the way we had baby boomer 60s culture shoved down our throats with the likes of Leif Garrent singing the Do Run Run. Only all of Leif Garret's songs weren't thinnly veiled homages to masturbation.
Anyhow, better than that psuedo-alt-rock shithead Dan Zanes.
Gomez 03 Feb 2006
My sister had Leif on 8 track. Have you seen Leif lately? Maybe that's what he needs - a comeback kids album!
andrew 05 Feb 2006
The French* Connection
Look into the terrifying face of your new drug dealer!
Puppies are being used to move heroin. (with puppy pics!)
(*poodle)
Comments
we got to round them up and throw the whole litter in jail where they belong. that way, the hardened criminals can have something soft and cuddly to call their own.
rightwinger 02 Feb 2006
Those suckers are hard to light but man . . . what a smooth, mellow taste.
carl 03 Feb 2006
Drink Like A Champion Roethlisberger Today
Deadspin reports on Big Ben, we have the t-shirt.
Steelers or Miami of Ohio versions are available.
Comments
Killer Dominatrix Gets Off...
Man (to Dominatrix): Say... What do you charge for the full hood, rack, death and dismemberment package?
Comments
Zed, wake up the Gimp.
carl 01 Feb 2006
The Wizard of Oil
Although tomorrow the Jeffersonian dream of a progressive, free nation is dead & replaced with five Soviet style rubber-stamp votes (that give Bush all the power a facist ever craved), and turn civil rights into a popularity contest, there's still time for a little pre-martial law entertainment/satire.
Comments
RobotMonkeyPirate! (beta release!)
Be the first on your block to rock the brand-spankin' new designs from House of Carl. Jeff has sketched up some pretty cool stuff, and we're doing what anyone with a minimal amount of creativity would do: we're puttin 'em on T-shirts, baby!
All proceeds from the shop go toward the purchase of beer and surfing lessons. And if you ne'erdowells have any designs or ideas for the future, send 'em in and we'll get them made. (Or more accurately, Spreadshirt* will.) There's lot's more to come. At least that's the fantasy in my head.
Current designs include:
- RobotMonkeyPirate!
See, it's a robot that LOOKS like a monkey, but he dresses like a pirate... - Pabst Blue Robot
Also available in muscle T, for showing off your pythons. - "whew!" for you squid lovers.
I have to admit when I first saw this, I thought it was a squid fucking an octopus. Carl assures me this is not the case. - As well as a few other designs made from Spreadshirt's stock artwork
YAAAR!
* We're not talkin' some weak-ass Café Press digital printing on crappy tees. Spreadshirt quality is excellent.
Comments
that MOST CERTAINLY IS a squid humping an octopus!
Captn' Obvious 30 Jan 2006
Insurgent attacks rose dramatically in 2005, apologists oblivious
From a report released by the US military on 23 January:
Violence in Iraq rose dramatically in 2005 compared with the year before, noted a report released by the US military on 23 January. According to US military statistics, 34,100 insurgent attacks mostly targeting US and Iraqi troops were recorded last year, up from about 27,000 in 2004, representing an increase of almost 30 percent. Instances of pedestrian suicide bombing also rose, from seven in 2004 to 67 in 2005. Similarly, suicide attacks using car bombs rose in numbers from 133 to 411 for the same period.
In a completely out-of-touch-with-reality response to the numbers strongly reminiscent of the Iraqi Information Minister, Hussein al-Garawi, a senior interior ministry official, says
The increased number of attacks was just a response to our successes in targeting the insurgents. The bombings are just a way for the insurgency to vent its anger over our efficiency.
Comments
Meanwhile at home, the terrorist threat level wasn't raised ONCE in 2005, which coincidently was not an election year.
jpeg 26 Jan 2006
That's becuz we's fightin' 'em over THERE, and not HERE!
Dubya 27 Jan 2006
From God's Mouth to Your Ear
"A coalition in Congress is being formed to support impeachment" a Bush administration source said. The admin is bracing for impeachment hearings in Congress.
Admin sources said the charges are expected to include lying to Congress as well as Mr. Bush's electronic surveillance inside the United States without a court warrant.
The probe will include Republicans, but that they may not be aware they could be helping to lay the groundwork for a Democratic impeachment campaign against Mr. Bush.
"Our arithmetic shows that a majority of the committee could vote against the president... If we work hard, there could be a tie." said some Bush flunky.
Am I dreaming? (...sound of Angels singing)
Impea-yotch (rhymes with bee-yotch)
Comments
Who do I have to blow in order to speed this process along?
I hope the coalition implicates others and not just GW SockPuppet.
Carl 24 Jan 2006
Smoke em if you Got em.
3 year old lights up. The kind of photos that makes me proud to own Phillip Morris stock.
Comments
Andrew, I would like to retire Big Boy and have this as my blog photo.
jpeg 23 Jan 2006
So, if smoking stunts your growth . . .
Carl 23 Jan 2006
Mexico's Heaviest Man...
at 1,213 pounds, gets his fifteen minutes of fame on an ABC web-teaser..
This ain't him.
Watch the video.
Comments
What's a guy gotta do to get some comments?
Don't make me write about politics again.
jpeg 21 Jan 2006
No snappy comments but how about a poem?
I call this one "Snooze Button":
I pretty sure
that you a robot
cause when I sneak in you house
and watch you sleep
you sound like broken motor
but when I try fix
you scream like non-robot.
Pardon me.
Carl 21 Jan 2006
Jeeeezus. That's one big dude...
QTip 22 Jan 2006
With Sexy Results
Muslim scholars are debating which sex acts are O.K. i.e Although once forbidden, it is assumed that married couples can see each other naked as long as they don't peek at each others plumbing.
For the record:
- The Rusty Trombone is legit.
- A Cleveland Steamer is not.
- No word on the Dirty Sanchez.
Comments
Flushing Meadows
The airport bathroom at Ft Smith Arkansas has been selected as the #1 bathroom in this years Best Restroom in America Awards.
I went number two in #5, the restrooms at the Madonna Inn back in November.
Comments
Care for a Swim?
Shelley Winters has shuffled off this mortal coil, mere months before she would have been all over the media with her 2 cents about the Poseidon Adventure remake. She was a hotty in the 60s but packed on the pounds by the time she swam to her death in the P. Adv. In her excrutiating talkshow appearances in the 70s, she was grating and oblivious that she was a has-been.
*Winters shown here in her earlier H2o-related death, at the bottom of a river with her throat slit in Night of the Hunter
Comments
me likee motorcycles
This is wicked
from matty fatty pasta face, I can't beat him in a race
Comments
Another form of copy protection
Things rarely typed into an online music-sharing forum*
"Dude, you got that new CHUMBAWAMBA?"
*I'm not even certain if such a thing exists, although I'd imagine it does.
Comments
2,002 Honest Fonts
From now on, I'm doing everything in "Retardeder."
Comments
I think I have used at least 6 of those in various britney logos. (kidding) But they were real close.
kristin 10 Jan 2006
Places I've Seen Kevin Bacon, Dooming My Relationships
Comments
What type of wine goes with this?
Polka-dot bandana and stick (that's a "bindle" to you Nobo's) not included.
Comments
Gerhard Richter - the latest
The latest additions to Gerhard Richter's site are now live. They've been a long time coming, but we think it's turned out pretty cool. The site now offers interactive exhibition tours from past shows of Richter's work. And if you haven't seen John's completely kickass timeline, yougonow.
There's currently only a couple of exhibitions populated with art, but hopefully there will be more added in the near future. It's another great way to explore the incredible breadth and depth of Richter's work.
Comments
Kick-Ass! I'm so proud that I emailied the link to everyone I know who ever took an art class.
liz 06 Jan 2006
That's very, very cool.
QTip 07 Jan 2006
Drop to your Knee-sus for Jesus
The head of the Oklahoma Southern Baptist Convention has spoken out against same-sex marriage and supported a directive urging the SBC to convince gays and lesbians they can become straight "if they accept Jesus Christ as their savior and reject their 'sinful, destructive lifestyle,"
Before the good reverend had really accomplished this, he was nabbed in a vice crackdown, after soliciting an officer to join him in his hotel room for oral sex. Officer Friendly did not accept his message of hope, and arrested him.
Say it with me; another conservative, anti-gay, pillar-of-the-community who's secretly a closet-case.
Comments
No wonder SBC wants to be AT&T so badly...
peanut gallery 05 Jan 2006
Doesn't this sound familiar...
"But the climate of those years was so grim that half the Washington press corps spent more time worrying about having their telephones tapped than they did about risking the wrath of Haldeman, Ehrlichman, and Colson by poking at the weak semas of a Mafia-style administration that began cannibalizing the whole government just as soon as it came into power. Nixon's capos were never subtle; they swaggered into Washington like a conquering army, and the climate of fear they engendered apparently neutralized The New York Times along with all the other pockets of potential resistance. Nixon had to do everything but fall on his own sword before anybody in the Washington socio-political establishment was willing to take him on."
-- Hunter S. Thompson, in the October 10, 1974 Rolling Stone
Comments
I'm drawing a blank...
Talaria 29 Sep 2006
Eyewitness
Two classic pieces of amateur footage have been frame-stabilized so they can be watched without the camera-shaking. They're cool. The JFK one is disturbing.
Stabilized Bigfoot footage
Stabilized Kennedy Assasination footage
How could anyone think Kennedy died at the hospital? That mans head is decimated.
The classic far side cartoon relevant to both topics.
Comments
That is so obviously Carl in a gorilla suit.
andrew 04 Jan 2006
I know! Bigfoot has never looked more Big-phoney
jpeg 05 Jan 2006
Christ! That suit really makes my ass look huge.
Carl 05 Jan 2006
I like burly guys, Carl. You catch or pitch?
Lonnie Latham 05 Jan 2006
You people are sick. I'm glad I know you.
Jpeg 05 Jan 2006
Lonnie, does the power of christ compell you to give me a reach-around?
Carl 05 Jan 2006
Aloha, Trader Vic's . . . Auf Wiedersehen, Berghoff's
So, these two iconic Chicago drinking and dining establishments are gone forever.
2006 already sucks.
Comments
It just ain't the same Chicago that I left in 2003.
jpeg 03 Jan 2006
yeah, without your generous patronage, they had to close, joeg. ;-D
pazen 04 Jan 2006
Are there Tums in Heaven?
The bowling gods called a Michigan man home shortly after he rolled the third perfect game of his life. When he got up to bowl the next game, he clutched his chest and fell over.
I'm picturing him with a bratwurst in the other hand and a beer helmet.
(overheard at the gates of heaven: "BAH-buh-Bahh-bah")
Comments
Who's picture is that?
Carl 30 Dec 2005
some guy... unrelated. I just altavisted "bowling" and took one of the first pix that came up.
jpeg 03 Jan 2006
Cleary that's a picture of Carl sportin' a faux-hawk.
motero 03 Jan 2006
It does kinda look like me with bed head.
Carl 05 Jan 2006
how much for zee wimin?
Poll shows people prefer the moderate, pro-choice First Lady over her husband, the Poster Child for birth control. Discuss.
On a side note, isn't it funny that the same does not apply for the previous Commander-in-Chief? Diametrically oposed, I guess.
Comments
It's the Barbara Bush factor. Scads of people thought they liked her as she smiled vacantly and probably made about 3 benign comments over her entire 4 year stint as first lady. Soon after, she addressed the Republican convention (to reelect George H) and proved to be pretty annoying, and on the dumb side.
jpeg 30 Dec 2005
damn you jpeg, now I have to step out and defend this chick... while I am somewhat in agreement with you, she has more balls than her puppet husband. She came out and admitted she was prochoice, she's scolded the moron when necessary, and overall, I would rather that she was the President than the GOP stooge that holds the office. Now don't make me have to say something ELSE nice about the Bush family, please.
pazen 30 Dec 2005
Laura's the one responsible for Dubya finding god . . . personally, I'd rather see him fucked-up on blow.
Carl 30 Dec 2005
Tastes like...
I found this on Found Magazine.com and liked the scenario it implies. (jackass putting strange things in his mouth)
Found magazine is good for filling all that useless time at work between the holidays.
Comments
Da Bearssss!
Zombie running back Thomas Jones attempts to eat the brains of Packer safety Nick Collins. Oh, and the Bears clinched the NFC North Division, a first-round playoff bye, and swept the Packers for the first time since '91, all in the same day. Yay Christmas!
Comments
three out of four against the pack since "Lovie Jones*" (sic) came aboard. eggggsellent! Even my father-in -law, who has rooted for the Packers for about 10 years, disgusted with the direction Chicag was headed in (re wannie) came back on the band wagon.
*the announcer, Sam Rosen, actually called him that during the game. You would think he knew the coach's name by week 16!
pazen 27 Dec 2005
Eh, most likely stupidity osmosis sitting next to Bill Maas all season. Poor guy. None of the Fox guys could ever correctly pronounce "Edinger" either. Duuur.
andrew 27 Dec 2005
Happy Festivus
It's Festivus for the rest of us! Celebrate with the Airing of the Grievances and the Feats of Stregth. Remember, Festivus isn't over until one of us is pinned down.
Order your alumninum Festivus poles here
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You gotta choose one
Which would you rather have stuck in your head?
My Humps or Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer?
Merry Chrismahanawazadan everyone!
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2 New Rings Around Yer Anus
Add the 2 new rings to the 11 existing known rings and to the 22 known moons, and you've got quite a lot going on with Uranus. :-)
More Rings Are Found Around Planet Uranus
Of course none of this will true in a few weeks, once King George declares the Earth is flat (and always has been), and the Sun revolves around the Earth (and always has), and anyone that says different is just emboldening the terrorists.
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I never imagined Yeranus was so big and colorful!
jpeg 23 Dec 2005
Christmas continues to come early
Lying Liar George W. Bush on the topic of wiretaps, circa 2004. (3.5 MB QT)
via boing boing
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More Humble Pie
Just in time for Xmas. Boo-yah!
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The face that says "I eat Puppies and Children"
I really can't get over how unnatural Cheney's smile is. Again: Is it evil super-villain glee or is it a gastro-intestinal problem?
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Stupid Sexy Flanders
A 67-year-old Quaker grandfather is preparing to open America’s first Christian nudist camp 40 miles north of Tampa, Florida. 200 acres are now being cleared for it's debut next year. It's the kind of palce your whole family can enjoy the body of Christ (*retch*).
2nd opinion: Ooooh that's distasteful.
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Equal Time for Dumb Liberals
Courageous liberal Hilary Clinton has co-sponsored an anti-flag-burning ammendment. Just kidding she's a freaking idiot too. Of all the shit going down in the country, flag-burning moves to the top of the list. Clinton's attempting (unconvincingly) to make herself over as a moderate (which now means slightly right-wing). Nothing says "I know who I am" like an image repackaging. She certainly won't be suceptible to the standard lame, but effective, GOP charge of flip-flopping.
I'm going to go on record stating that Clinton doesn't have a prayer of a ghost of a chance of winning the Presidency in 2008, probably ever. She's one chilly machine.
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Gregory vs. McClellan
I think NBC's David Gregory should just show up to the White House briefings shitfaced drunk from now on, and berate ol' Scotty mercilessly. Hopefully this relationship will end in a back alley knife fight. I know I'd pay to see it.
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One-Two Punch
Following yesterdays humble pie, the GOP today couldn't muster enough votes to block a filibuster on the Patriot act. This follows the disclosure that Bush authorized thousands of domestic phone taps without getting the proper warrants. The Patriot Act will not survive init's current abusive form.
God I love watching these GOP swine publicly losing their power, and getting their noses rubbed in it.
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To Be Announced
In his latest bone-headed humiliation (it will be announced later today, that) Bush has lost the torture argument. McCain has won - All U.S. warring constituencies must uphold the Geneva convention. Bush will appear with McCain later today to eat some crow.
His threatened first veto will not occur.
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Baby Dropped From a Burninating Building...
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It's like the bleachers at Wrigley...
jpeg 15 Dec 2005
Incompetent-opoly
"Wreck the Nation" is Monopoly played the topsy-turvy, neo-con way.
Just imagine the expression on the faces of all the right-wing dopes in your family when they find this under the tree Christmas morning.
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"Monkey Vs. Robot" contest winner
Monkey hate technology
Robot hate the monkey
they will fight eternally
Monkey Versus Robot
Monkey Versus Robot
Monkey Mate in the jungle
Robot replicate in factory
They both love their mother
why must they hate eachother
Why cant we all get along
would that be oh so wrong?
why cant we all love eachother
monkey and a robot brother
Monkey Versus Robot
Monkey Versus Robot
Monkey Versus Robot
Monkey Versus Robot
M-O-N-K-E-Y MONKEY
R-O-B-O-T ROBOT
M-O-N-K-E-Y MONKEY
R-O-B-O-T ROBOT
M-O-N-K-E-Y MONKEY
R-O-B-O-T ROBOT
M-O-N-K-E-Y MONKEY
R-O-B-O-T ROBOT
Comments
The straight dude’s guide to ‘Brokeback’
Could someone please create a video mashup of "The Duke" monologuing this? Maybe with a little Fred Astaire thrown in? Please?
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I nominate Rick Dees... Daaaah haaaah, da ha, da ha ha, hah hah ha
Gomez 15 Dec 2005
Coming soon to an adult video store near you... porn-world title variants (gay, straight, etc.): bonerback mountain, brokennass mounting, etc.
jpeg 15 Dec 2005
1000 Days of Iraq War
$204.4 billion: The cost to the U.S of the war so far.
2,339: Allied troops killed
15,955: US troops wounded in action
98: U.K troops killed
30,000 : Estimated Iraqi civilian deaths
0: Number of WMDs found
66: Journalists killed in Iraq.
63: Journalists killed during Vietnam war
8: per cent of Iraqi children suffering acute malnutrition
53,470: Iraqi insurgents killed
67: per cent Iraqis who feel less secure because of occupation
$343: Average monthly salary for an Iraqi soldier. Average monthly salary for an American soldier in Iraq: $4,160.75
5: foreign civilians kidnapped per month
47: per cent Iraqis who never have enough electricity
20: casualties per month from unexploded mines
25-40: per cent Estimated unemployment rate, Nov 2005
251: Foreigners kidnapped
70: per cent of Iraqi's whose sewage system rarely works
183,000: British and American troops are still in action in Iraq.
13,000: from other nations
90: Daily attacks by insurgents in Nov '05. In Jun '03: 8
60-80: per cent Iraqis who are "strongly opposed" to presence of coalition troops
Found here.
Comments
0: Presidents who've apologized for leading us into this on "faulty" intelligence
jpeg 13 Dec 2005
For a little perpective, UNICEF estimated that 35,000-60,000 iraqi children under the age of 5 died each year as a direct result of containing the Hussien regime through non-military means--UN Sanctions. Taking the lower number, that's well over 95,000 child deaths in 1000 days had we NOT gone to war.
Gomez 13 Dec 2005
How do unexploded mines kill people?
Princess Di 14 Dec 2005
I don't recall Bush saying "Think of the children" prior to the war, and you know that pretext would never have mobilized the American public to get behind this phony war. It's a pretty weak justification now that we're left with a steaming pile of lies. Is that the best you got?
jpeg 14 Dec 2005
JPEG, Go back and read the pre-invasion state of the union. It is FILLED with the pro-democracy, anti-totalitarian, and pro-iraqi people references that your hindsight bias seems to prevent you from remembering.
So that fact that up to 180,000 lives have been saved is not justification in contrast with "the steaming pile of lies"? You apparently value partisan politics over lives, I guess.
Gomez 14 Dec 2005
No one said "We must save the children" when it came time to go to war. Instead we were inundated with doomsday scenario tales of WMD, and "slam dunk" intel that was, in fact, a steaming pile of lies. Lies the Bush administration chose to use to further their own agenda. And going to war with Iraq has been on their list of things to do from day one.
No one is arguing that a Saddam-free Iraq can't be a safer place "for the children." That doesn't excuse the make-it-up-as-we-go-along war strategy (I'll use that term loosely) we've had the pleasure to experience from this inept, bumbling and lying administration.
You really think Bush invaded Iraq in the name of democracy, saving babies and all that?
Bullshit.
andrew 14 Dec 2005
Yes, the WMD argument was the main legal justification, but, people forget that the pro-democracy moral justification was also a major part of the case Bush built up since day-friggin'-one.
And, yes, as a matter of fact, the Bush did say we must save the people and children of Iraq in many-a-speech. I repeat, go back and read the pre-invasion state of the union. Really, go back and read it. Don't fall prey to hindsight bias.
The reasons for the war were MANY and there is no need to retread them here. The question of, "should we go to war?" Is long since a moot point. My point was that, if yer gonna quote a bunch of dire statistics about the war, it's only fair that we see that it's not all doom-and-gloom. I just quoted a single number among many of other positive developments in the region since the war. Er... Libya disarms.. ah, syria backs down in Lebanon... massive, open student unrest in Iran... Ahem, free Iraqi elections tomorrow (the first ever in that nation's history!!!), heaven forbid we commend these things lest we look like Bush/Rovian Dittoheads?
Gomez 15 Dec 2005
G, Please find a good picture of horseshit on the web and study it.
jpeg 15 Dec 2005
You are incapable of rationed posistioned argument, fine. Wallow in your extremist, hate-filled dogma.
Gomez 15 Dec 2005
I meant, "rational, positioned argument." I am incapable of spelling.
Gomez 15 Dec 2005
Apparently you're capable of everything though. Welcome to subjectivity... the source of all conflict in the world.
jpeg 15 Dec 2005
Donuts, Munitions & World Domination
The arch-conservative cabal known as The Carlyle Group has purchased Dunkin Donuts. Want some profiteeering with that cruller?
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You'll get my Dunkin' Donuts coffee when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!
C. Heston 13 Dec 2005
Ich bien ein Berliner, indeed!
JFK 13 Dec 2005
Now they can just shoot the holes into the donuts.
jpeg 13 Dec 2005
The Sour Jpeg Files
This morning I passed on posting these comments regarding yesterdays boneheaded airline shooting:
Isn't yesterdays "I have a bomb" excuse so convenient? Isn't it interesting that no passenger confirms this line of crap? Only the authorities who come with no name or phone number... Gee this won't unravel over the coming weeks, like the "Terrorist" jumping the turnstyle in the London tube and fleeing from police only to be shot in the head, and not be a terrorist.
It's the laziest, by-the-books lie.
24 hours later the horseshit begins to unravel.
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They touched my monkey
A german dude (below) is suing the CIA for wrongly kidnapping and torturing him.
For clarification the U.S. is the country that doesn't torture (but rejects legislation that bans torture), that was not responsible for Abu Ghraib (but reserves the right to torture) whose overseas citizens are not bound by the Geneva convention (except when they are), and who does not use extraordinary rendition (but has secret prisons all over Europe and now in North Africa).
It's crystal clear. I don't know why the God-damned liberals can't keep it straight.
"Actually... I enjoyed some of it."
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Bye bye conservative perv.
Spokane has held a recall election and tossed out Mayor Jim West, a despicable hypocrite (and Republican... I barely need to say anymore.) who was known for his harsh legislation against gays, but was revealed to be a major closet-case himself.
Remember when all you had to worry about under the democrats was the misuse of congress's postage meter or a blowjob between consenting adults? Those were the days.
Who the hell would have sex with this freak without wearing blinders and a hazmat suit?
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And on the 8th day God created Porn
An atheist student organization shook things up in Texas with their clubs promotion table: "Porn for Bibles."
Too funny.
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...now where did I put that dadburned Gideon's...
Pat Robertson 02 Dec 2005
Self Effacing
A woman who was mauled by a dog has had a partial face transplant. Reminds me of the old SNL skit where a white guy has Garett Morris's face sewn on. A whole new industry of cosmetic face replacement awaits.
(meaningless photo included at
no cost to you, the consumer)
){kind=link}
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No Xmas for Sony!
Hah hah!
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10 over 100
Donate 10% of your income over $100,000/year. An interesting concept.
Comments
Bottom of the Banner Ad Barrell
I work in an industry whose websites have banner ads for sexy, highly-desireable product like this.
As in, "Come on out back I wanna show ya some sweet 'roof detail membranes'... if you know what I mean."
You won't find cool ads like this on Amazon.
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RIP Mr. Miyagi
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Wax off...
QTip 25 Nov 2005
This is a joke, right?
Brownie to start emergency planning consulting business.
I wouldn't hire this guy to oversee the making of a cheese sandwich. I suppose his first client will be himself, so he can plan how to fix his disaster of a career.
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Punch Her in the Throat*
Ohio congresswoman Jean Schmidt displays her brass-balled, conservative brand of femininity, along with her ridiculous fashion sense; seen here getting ready to shove her whole foot in her mouth last Friday.
Makes you want to ask for a refresher on why the Republicans think feminists are so creepy.
(* my thanks to Carl Carlson.)
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Hey Glomez.
The Pentagons own writing designates white phosphorous as a chemcial weapon. Interestingly enough the same weapon used by Saddam "on his own people."
Would the gentleman from Illinois please concede he is a hopless apologist for reactionary neo-nazis?
Comments
Okay, Mr. Hatred, I'll take your bait. So a Pentagon document referred to it as a chemical weapon. Unfortunately, the treaties that ban chemical weapons, of which the US is signatory, do not think WP is chemical in nature. And, if you read the link I posted on your last screed, the author makes a point that everyone on both sides of the issue is continually misrepresenting what WP is. The author of the pentagon document is in all probability using incorrect language. By some folks' definition, you can call guns a chemical weapon because a chemical reaction causes the gunpowder to ignite... or lemon juice squirted in someone’s eyes is a chemical weapon. Semantics aside, WP IS NOT ILLEGAL! Period. End of story.
Take the whole chemical vs. incendiary vs. smoke weapon semantic argument out of the mix. Your original contention is that because we used WP, Bush = Saddam. To make this case you have to prove that the US deliberately dropped WP munitions on civilian targets. It will take a little more than some gotcha-politics document nitpicking to convince me of that.
Now, Saddam, in addition to WP that the pentagon document cites, relied heavily on serin nerve gas to kill his citizenry. There is NO argument as to the nature of that weapon. Even, taking the current WP assertions as true, the US isn't even close to matching the horror of Saddam's tyranny.
Does Bush = Saddam? The attempt to make this link is the holiest of holy grails of the extreme anti-war left. I guess they need a justification for opposing the removal of a brutal genocidal despot. If they can prove the US is just as bad, that would be a legitimate enough reason.
In my opinion, there are plenty of rational arguments against the Iraq war, much more convincing that the moral equivalency one. However, this story reaks of this typical extremist throw-it-at-the-wall-and-see-if-it-sticks type of argument--completely devoid of skepticsm, fact-checking, or, in many cases, common sense. (this includes the, completely ignorant of History, GOP = Nazi idiocy you tack on to the end of your post).
Despite my pro-war arguments here, party-loyalty is not my modus operandi. I supported the war and the attempt to bring democracy to the Middle East based on personal, philosophical, and moral reasons. If John Kerry was in Bush's shoes right now my position wouldn't be any different.
Would the gentleman(?) from where ever please concede he is a hopless apologist for fascist islamic revolutionaries? (That is intended as a joke... I don't think you are hopless, in fact, I'm sure you are fully capable of hopping! [see, another joke! Me so funny!])
Gomez 22 Nov 2005
Ooooh! SNAP!
Peanut Gallery 22 Nov 2005
Indian Erotic Art
Not really sure what to say about this...but this piece pretty much sums it up: Monkey Know Kama Shastra
Plenty more to see here.
Comments
once you've had monkey, you never go back.
type 55 22 Nov 2005
Lies lies lies yeah
Here you go.
Congressman Henry Waxman's comprehensive Capital Hill Study of the 51 lies from the Bush addmin to get us into war.
With Graphs!
Enjoy.
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5 feet of Stank
Is that big stinking flower in your pocket...
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Hey, I remember that Simpson's episode!
carl 21 Nov 2005
Nice one, Pope-y!
Although Intelligent Design is promoted by religious nuts as non-religious, Pat Robertson kinda spilled the beans last week by saying the folks of Holcombe PA (who voted out the Intelligent Design Schoolboard) shouldn't pray to God in the event of a disaster because they just kikcked him out of their town.
Whoops Patty didn't get the top-secret memo.
Today the Vatican denounced Intelligent Design as junk science, an unexpected liberal argument from the new conservative Pope.
Maybe they're still smarting for taking until 1983 (!) to forgive Gallileo for saying the earth wasn't the center of the universe.
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Touchdown Jebus (#2)
Congregants at a church that erected a six-story tall Jebus say the creepy statue keeps watch over a section of freeway that used to be very dangerous. Twelve people died along the stretch of I-75 before the durned thing was erected. Since it went up two years ago, there have been no deaths.
In my favorite burst of publicized Aw-Shucks regionalism, Cletus the slack-jawed yokel commented, "Can't too much go wrong next to a big statue of Jesus!" (seriously, its in the article.)
Yee-haw! Praise the lord and pass the football.
Not to be confused with Touchdown Jebus 1
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Uh, isn't this Touchdown Jebus 1?
Charlie Weis 18 Nov 2005
so many touchdown jebuz' they should form a team.
jebuz 18 Nov 2005
Can you spare a dime?
A lot of my student loan money was taken away by the G.O.P. in 50 billion dollars of budget cuts that passed late last night. Happily it will be given to some more deserving billionaire later next week in an 80 billion tax handout. I'm assured that with all the jobs this will create the money of course will trickle down to me over the next twenty years, so I see it as breaking even.
Maybe touchdown Jebus can help me.
If you ever vote for a Republican, I will slice your tires.
Comments
If you ever vote for a Republican, I will slice your tires.
Spoken like a true Black Shirt squadman, fratello!
Benito "Il Duce" Mussolini 18 Nov 2005
"Do you think I’m pretty?"
A bunch of phony post-nomination-withdrawal, follow-up memos to the Prez from Harriet Miers.
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Blow Job Update
Bill Clinton's approval rating on the day he was impeached, was 28 points higher than George W. Bush's currently is. Clinton has just been picked as the most influential person in the world by Esquire Magazine.
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How much is 69 plus 10%, Trigger?
The very horsey*, very-sunken-eyed, very stoned Heidi Fleiss has announced she's opening a male brothel in Nevada.
Somebody feed this gal a carrot.
(*as Carl would say)
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Why do women need a brothel?
They should just walk into a bar.
(that's what I do)
Winster 21 Nov 2005
Space Closet
"Spock are your pants tighter today?"
George Takei reaches the final frontier.
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As Sulu said in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, "San Francisco... I was born there, you know."
Gomez 17 Nov 2005
My primary news source (The Howard Stern Radio Show) broke this last week . . . so, go fuck yourself SALON.
carl 17 Nov 2005
Ever seen a warp core breech? (...zzzzip)
Sulu 17 Nov 2005
No one understands me like you do, Robot Chimp Head.
Finally, someone who will listen to my problems and not judge me.
http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/productview/sku__WW258/hppos__13
Feces-Flingin'™ arm attachment sold seperately.
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I Think I can Feel the Acid-burn of Democracy
As noted by liberal crackpot Jpeg last week, Lt. Col. Barry Venable, a Pentagon spokesman, now confirms that white phosphorous was used in Fallujah as an chemical weapon against Iraqis.
Venable: "We fired `shake and bake' missions at the insurgents, using W.P. to flush them out and [explosives] to take them out."
Damn that unpatriotic liberal media
for publishing it last week prior to its confirmation this week!
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"... but deny an Italian television news report that it was used against civilians ... Venable said white phosphorous shells are a standard weapon used by field artillery units and are not banned by any international weapons convention to which the U.S. is a signatory."
Well, I guess you were right we DO use illegal chemical weapons deliberately against civilians. As we can clearly see, this article proves it! Cracking good work deligent pup reporter guy! pResinent Bushiter is just as bad as Saddam... only Saddam never skipped his National Guard duty on a Cocaine binge!
Gomez 17 Nov 2005
But seriously folks, here's some clarification on this issue, from a Canadian, no less!
It's not just the consistent misspelling of "phosphorus" throughout, it's the complete ignorance of what WP (white phosphorus) shells are and do on all sides of the issue.
On the anti- side, of course, you have accusations that WP is a "chemical" weapon or an "illegal" one. It's not.* WP was heavily used in the Second World War by the Allies, including Canada, against both Germany and Japan**, for exactly the same reasons and missions it's being used now. But yes, a WP artillery shell is a bad thing to have land near you... not nearly as bad as a regular high-explosive artillery shell of the same size, but certainly the next worst thing.
The job of those opposed would be much harder, of course, if the pro- side had any more of a clue what they were talking about. The State Department's retracted statement, that WP was "fired into the air at night," is classic. It should go without saying that using a smoke shell to try to light up a dark sky would be a failure... I guess only the State Department could confuse phosphorus with magnesium, which is what real illuminating rounds are made of.
*I've seen a lot of people claiming that the 1980 Incendiary Weapons protocol of Geneva forbids the use of white phosphorus against civilians. It does not. It forbids the use of "incendiaries," and specifically excludes weapons like WP where the incendiary effect is a secondary effect of smoke production (incendiary weapons by definition are those weapons designed to create fires... WP occasionally will start fires, but it's not very reliable in that role... generally it just creates a lot of smoke). Whether the U.S. has signed it or not is irrelevant.
Gomez 17 Nov 2005
Science = magic
Conservative vote-tamperer & has-been, Cruella DeVille, errr... Katherine Harris, ordered a study in which researchers worked with a rabbi to test ‘Celestial Drops,' water whose molecular structure was "changed" after being blessed according to Kabbalic mysticism, imbuing it with supernatural healing powers.
It was for use on Orange crops.
Ahhhhh delightful G.O.P. morons.
"I'm thinking as hard as I can but nothing's happening."
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Wanna buy some magic beans?
carl 16 Nov 2005
PBS, one brave conservative voice...
While the Prez and Vice President Monty Burns try to deflect inspection of all their lies, here's an update on Kenneth Tomlinson, the conservative dick who tried to get PBS to rollover and play neo-con, but resigned recently before his G.O.P. crimes (embezzlement) could blow up.
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What happened to the PBS of my youth?
"Gonna paint a 9" more like gonna paint "$" on a swag sack.
Makes me sad.
carl 16 Nov 2005
Do NOT adjust your phone
It seems like just last week I was drunk at some bar asking a complete stranger Why can't monkeys make phonecalls? Well, now there's monkeyphonecall.com.
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man, and here I thought those were calls from rude telemarketers! I hate those damn monkeys, always calling me, screaming... why can't they just leave me alone?
pazen 14 Nov 2005
I am guessing you are "Jon H from Austin" in the first testimonial...
a little too thinly veiled don't you think?
kristin 15 Nov 2005
k, No I didn't even see the testimonials. I'll go back for a look. In the meantime, send me another e-mail. I am stuck on a construction site and I don't have my e-mail addresses with me.
jpeg 15 Nov 2005
Non-Veteran Cheney honors Veterans
Nothing says "patriotism" or "respect" quite like a draft dodging vice-president placing a wreath on the grave of the unknown soldier, and a draft-dodging president misuing the day to try and save his pathetic ass.
Where's Osama, you profiteering chicken-hawks?
VP Cheney attempts a smile but since he has no experience at smiling, it came out as fart.
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Endless bad news for G.O.P.
Update: The Republican shitstorm continues today with the threat from House Government Reform Committee Chairman Tom Davis (Va.), a republican with a soul (!!?), that he will subpoena three members of the Bush Cabinet and White House counsel Harriet Miers if they don't comply with document requests issued by his select committee on Hurricane Katrina response by Nov 18th.
He wants all internal communication about Hurricane Katrina.
I think it's no longer a question of whether there the G.O.P. will destroy itself, just when and how big....
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Comedy Gold (the political kind)
After producing a budget that authorizes oil-drilling in Alaska, and that screws seniors and anybody else that isn't a lobbyist, the Republicans can't muster enough votes to pass their own budget. A substantial number of Republicans are breaking ranks to reject it, now that Bush has been neutered.
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Saddam's Evil: Now acceptable from U.S.
Remember how Saddam was bad because he used chemical weapons on his own people? Well now it's a case of the pot calling the kettle black. The good ole U.S. of A., under the leadership of pro-torture Cheney and no ethical-boundary-left-standing Rumsfeld, killed people in Fallujah with white phosphorous which is an extremely cruel, banned chemical weapon.
Confirmation via article
W.P. like napalm sticks to your skin and burns you from the skin to the bone, and when you breathe it in, it burns you from the inside out. There is no way to stop the process. You just burn alive.
which means these photos of the disfigured victims will disturb you.
Confirmation via photos
This chemical is also used in in a military technique called a shake and bake; You frighten people out of their hiding place with a bomb then cook them alive with a round of white phosphorous.
Another news item that our "liberal media" isn't bringing you.
Add this to the Bush scandal log.
Comments
Another news item that our "liberal media" isn't bringing you.
Ummm... how can you say that when you are directly linking an article by a mainstream media outlet? It's a freaking Reuters report!
Gomez 10 Nov 2005
really G? The best you can do is quibble over what's liberal. Have you seen the film "Fallujah the hidden massacre" all over your TV? Are the photos in heavy rotation on CNN? Can't get your sports viewing in because the media won't cover anything else? Why not defend the action? Why not defend your white house? Explain why it was wrong for Saddam but right for us.... Because your candidates are soaked in blood (and stupidity).
jpeg 10 Nov 2005
First of all, the story is being reported in mainstream media outlets. Period. I have stated it many times before here that I don't think there is any signifcant politcal bias in the MSM.
It is not being picked up into heavy rotation mainly because it is based on a dubious, single source. A source who is, if you glance at his blog, arguably more of an avowed Bush hater than you. He apparently wasn't even in the battle that he claims to have seen US deliberately "gassing" civilians.
Look at the reporting the BBC is doing on this (that bastion of right-wing ideologues). White phosphorous is A) not a banned weapon. B) Is not even a chemical weapon (it's an incendiary weapon, not illegal).
G 10 Nov 2005
It's legal when used to illuminate night skirmishes. It's not legal when used as a weapon on people.
And you're a hopelessly amoral Bush apologist.
jpeg 10 Nov 2005
Wrong again. It's illegal to use it deliberately against civilians (from your article). The same way it's illegal to use guns, bombs or sharpened sticks deliberately against civilians.
Could civilians been caught in the crossfire? Quite possibly.
However, your accusation is that, like Saddam, the US is intentionally targeting civilian populations (his own citizenry, mind you!). I'm not that cynical or prone to conspiracy theory moon-babble. If it is proven that we deliberately targeted civilians, through sources a bit more reliable than a single disgrunted soldier (who wasn't even there during the fighting!) or leftist Italian film makers, I will join you in an instant in denouncing those responsible. I would hope that you would do the same if roles were reversed.
(It won't, however, change my opinon on the morality of ousting dictators like Saddam or Milosevic by military means)
Gomez 10 Nov 2005
Neo-Con check-in
- Treacherous idiot-journalist Judy Miller "retires" from the NYT.
- Kansas voters have thrown out the entire pro-Christian anti-evolution school board and replaced them with Democrats.
Comments
Interesting on the Kansas school board news. I was just reading in the Trib tonight that the Kansas state school board is adding even more creationism/"intelligent design" to the curricula. Yay folklore!
I suppose if you think about it, it's no less ridiculous than some of the other yarns teachers are supposed to tell that fly in the face of those pesky "facts."
I think we all know how this ends. BTW, did you hear the guy that made up FSM got an $80K advance to write a Pastafarianism Bible? Now that's Creationism, baby.
andrew 09 Nov 2005
DOVER, Pa threw out the schoolboard, but there will still be a ruling there in a week or two about intelligent design in the schools. they just wraped up closing arguments
Kansas is Pro ID
So if bird flu mutates to jump from person to person, can you sue god in kansas?
type 55 10 Nov 2005
Kansas' ruling WILL certainly occur, but without a board of extremist bumpkins aggressively forcing their magical-belief system into school curriculum it won't last. It doesn't reflect that communities' values. The majority who voted the asses out, does! It will be gone in a year or less.
jpeg 10 Nov 2005
Sunshine. rainbows. daisies.
The future ahead is looking rosier after Republicans got trounced nationwide last night.
- The legislatively-inept Schwartzeneggar had his ass handed to him out here as he tried to circumvent the political process with eight referendums, all of which were defeated. This morning he’s playing nice and trying to portray himself as a moderate again.
- New Jerseys governor? Cinincatti & Detroit mayors?: All Dems.
- Most satisfying: The governor of Virginia lost big to a democrat after supporting Bush and getting his crappy endorsement.
Amazingly you CAN get a mandate without a spine or platform. All you need is five years of sheer incompetence from the opposition. There is no light on the horizon for the G.O.P. because they are not very bright and their tool to adress any problem is a hammer.
The fall 2006 impeachment is way on track.
Bye-bye extremist righties!
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A life well lived
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What an amazing woman. Can't say as I'm surprised one bit. We're all thinking about you and the Sheridans.
karen 09 Nov 2005
What a legacy.
My thoughts are with you, Tim.
QTip 09 Nov 2005
Troy and I are truly sorry for your loss. It seems like it is a loss for everyone as your mother was an incredible woman. How fantastic for your family to have known and loved her as long as she was allowed to be here. Our best to you and your family.
kristin 09 Nov 2005
Tim I don't think I've met you yet, but your mother sounds like an inspiring woman. My sympathies for your loss.
john 09 Nov 2005
Many thanks to the House8 crew. I love you guys and hope to raise a glass with you soon!
Tim 11 Nov 2005
It's about time!
Finally the victim of a gay-bashing kills his attacker. Who's a faggot now, bitch?
I wondered when this would happen.
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Plummeting Publicans' Last Gasp Noted
The G.O.P., desperately in need of something to be outraged about, wants to investigate who told you about our secret prisons.
AHHH HAH HA HA HA...
Late Addendum: They can't even get this one going: Trent Lott shot the G.O.P. in the foot this afternoon, by announcing he thinks a republican leaked it. Too funny.
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Dick Cheney, fire-breathing monster
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh! dickzilla - must - have- fresh - blood!
this is a few days old, but a good read if you want further proof that the VP is a malicious scumbag with no regard for the Geneva Convention.
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FBI Use of Patriot Act Concerns Lawmakers
Under the Patriot Act, the FBI issues more than 30,000 national security letters allowing the investigations each year, a hundred-fold increase over historic norms, The Washington Post reported Sunday, quoting unnamed government sources.
The security letters, which were first used in the 1970s, allow access to people's phone and e-mail records, as well as financial data and the Internet sites they surf. The 2001 Patriot Act removed the requirement that the records sought be those of someone under suspicion.
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US intel on Iraq-Qaeda ties 'intentionally misleading': document
This may sound like old news to us now, but the facts are finally coming home to roost.
US military intelligence warned the Bush administration as early as February 2002 that its key source on Al-Qaeda's relationship with Iraq had provided "intentionally misleading" data, according to a declassified report.Nevertheless, eight months later, President George W. Bush went public with charges that the Iraqi government of Saddam Hussein had trained members of Osama bin Laden's terror network in manufacturing deadly poisons and gases.
These same accusations had found their way into then-secretary of state Colin Powell's February 2003 speech before the UN Security Council, in which he outlined the US rationale for military action against Iraq.
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Cruise fires sister
After having a super straight year of non-gay interest in his very female, very knocked-up girlfriend, Heterosexual star Tom Cruise has dropped his sister as his publicist, or as his um..., publi-sister. Under her guidance Cruise finally cracked the list of the top 5 creepiest celebrities in H'wood. This shoots my "anyone can be a publicist" theory right in the ass.
Here he is looking extremely into women...
Seriously, he's as straight as any one of us.
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Bush: "We do not torture"
What crack does he think we're smokin'?
Item 1: Abu Ghraib photographs
Item 2: Cheney lobbies to release CIA agents from anti-torture rules
Item 3: UN and Red Cross Inspectors are denied access to detention facilities
Item 4: Newly disclosed "secret" detention bases of which not even Congress has been informed
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Well...heh heh heh...hopefully yer smokin' some of that good ol' fashioned made in the U. S. of A. crack! Heh heh heh!
Dubya 07 Nov 2005
Ok, even my cheesy Yahoo! news headlines have picked up on the bizarro contradiction going on here:
"Headline: Bush: We Do Not Torture
Subhead: The president vigorously defended U.S. interrogation practices in the war on terror and lobbied against a congressional drive to outlaw torture."
uh... what??
mollusk 07 Nov 2005
Can I get an "Amen"?
now go unto the world and spread the word with this
much props to johnny c. for sending this.
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byootiful!
jpeg 07 Nov 2005
G.O.P. douchebag resigns from PBS
Sensing the foul smell that continues to waft from Republican indicments, and many impending jail sentences, dickhead Ken Tomlinson has resigned his much-misused position at PBS.
Oh Happy Day!
I can't believe how fast the wind can change, once the president's dead career started stinking.
And now for an impeachment.
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Good conservative porn
There's a trend of kinkiness in conservatives that comes out in their books:
- Scooter Libby's The Apprentice: A ten year old girl is kept in a cage and raped by a bear so she can become a frigid service provider.
- Bill O Reilley's Those who Trespass: A drug dealer named Robo has two fifteen year old crack-addicted girlfriends. "Put down that pipe and smoke this one" is an actual invitation to sex from the book.
- Lynn Cheney's Sisters: The sexual relationship between two women, their love of sponges on strings, with some incest thrown in for kicks.
- Nixon era crackpot G Gordon Liddy writes smut and assembles the Stacked and Packed calendar featuring conservative women posing suggestively with their firearms.
These are the people who will worry about my moral purity? Or maybe they're the deeply repressed wierdos who posture for the religious right to, as Tom Delay's co-conspirator says, "bring out the wackos" at election time.
"The wackos get their information through the Christian right, Christian radio, mail, the internet and telephone trees... Simply put, we want to bring out the wackos to vote against something and make sure the rest of the public lets the whole thing slip past them."
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I love porn!
sexleksaker 26 May 2008
Category 5 President soaking the Nation.
Generalissimo Rumsfeld says Gitmo prisoners are dieting not starving themselves.
With an idiotic stay-the-course, post-indictment recovery plan like this, Bush deservedly slips to his newest low:
a 35 percent approval rating.
He is now below everyone ever except Nixon. To catch up with Tricky Dick will take eight more points. Give him a couple of weeks.
Like father like son: disastrous presidencies.
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Uh huh... dieting. They need to look trim & sexy for their spread in Abu Grab Drawn & Quartered-ly.
liz 03 Nov 2005
After Innocence
AFTER INNOCENCE tells the dramatic and compelling story of the exonerated - innocent men wrongfully imprisoned for decades and then released after DNA evidence proved their innocence. The film focuses on the gripping story of seven men and their emotional journey back into society and efforts to rebuild their lives. Included are a police officer, an army sergeant and a young father sent to prison and even death row for decades for crimes they did not commit.
Interesting that it doesn't appear to be playing in Illinois anywhere; a state where the death penalty was suspended because so many cases were being overturned with new evidence.
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Hugo Chavez: Halloween part of U.S. culture of terror
Venezuela's Hugo Chavez, has come down hard on Halloween, saying it's part of the U.S. culture of "terrorism, putting fear into other nations, putting fear into their own people." You should hear what he has to say about Sweetest Day. ¡Vivo la revolución!
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¡VENEZUELA!
Ozzie Guillen 02 Nov 2005
A Brilliant move by the Dems
The Dems shut down the senate today and threatened to close the chamber each day until Republicans agreed to look into how Bush administration officials handled the intelligence used to argue for war.
G.O.P. senators quickly agreed to reopen the chamber and appoint a bipartisan group of senators to assess the progress of the "Phase 2" probe. Their report is due back now in just two weeks.
It was a brilliant strategy to knock Bush's indictment-evading stories (Supreme court nominee, Bird flu) out of the headlines. And an early sample of their offensive game over the Supreme Court.
Nice to know there are ways to fuck with the G.O.P. controlled government, even after they gain office illegitimately.
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I just saw this, kudos to the dems for finally getting some nerve. frist's quote about this being an affront to the people is ridiculous, especially coming from mr tears and sweat. I hope he blows a lot of his own money running for president, the jackass
pazen 01 Nov 2005
Yet another G.O.P. freak
A December recall election is underway for loathsome, self-hating male-on-male closet-pedophile-Republican-sleazebag Spokane Mayor Jim West (above) who has decades of hateful, anti-gay legislation behind him and was nailed in a sting operation set up by a local paper.
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Hardhat Johnny comes with everything you see here...
For the next 2 months I will be working on a construction site for a different project. Try to picture me in a hardhat getting yelled at by contractors and foremen.
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JPeg... I can't get the image of the construction guy in the Village People out of my mind.
Congratulations, though...
QTip 01 Nov 2005
Lil Stinker
Sorry, but this is a Shameless Uncle Post™. How friggin' cute is my nephew?!?! Now, imagine him dressed up like a pumpkin tonight.
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My fellow Americans, your candy sucks!
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Lisa Whelchel: Get Help.
Everyone's favorite 80s WASP has gone and lost it... take a look at the most recent journal entry about how she and her mother almost killed a dog, on her official-but-wait-this-can't-be-for-real website. Via Perez.
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That reminds me of Gary Coleman's blog post about killing a hooker. I love those showbiz types!
il_postino 01 Nov 2005
Do your Halloween treats suck?
Don't be THAT house . . . you know, the one that hands out pennies or popcorn balls.
Would it kill you to give out a full size Snickers bar or at least a Chunky?
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Note the lack of shoes make it easier to obey the lyrics: "trick or treat, smell my feet..."
Karen 31 Oct 2005
Do the kids still like hard candy that's all stuck together in the bottom of a bowl? 'Cuz that's all I got now that I've eaten all the good candy Graf bought.
BTW, you obviously never got a popcorn ball from my grandma. They were awesome.
andrew 31 Oct 2005
Bit-O-Honey candies were the nastiest and those crappy peanut butter kisses.
jpeg 31 Oct 2005
I used to have a neighbor that gave out pennies. Just a teeny tiny handful of like 5 pennies. We egged that f*cker every year!
lizzie 01 Nov 2005
Where God and Darwin meet
A Texas pastor performing a baptism was electrocuted in his church Sunday morning after adjusting a nearby microphone while standing in water. The Rev. Kyle Lake, 33, was stepping into the baptistery as he reached out for the microphone, which is never a good idea.
Lake was pronounced dead at Hillcrest Baptist Medical Center.
I guess science (technology) trumped religion this time.
(File under herd-thinning.)
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'Nuff said.
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Worst Jobs 2005.
Radio Item from a few minutes ago.
"...an islamic jihad militant and his assistant were killed in Iraq today..."
By coincidence Assistant Islamic Jihad Militant is the top worst job of 2005, edging out last years worst job, assistant crack whore..
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We were at Barnes & Noble a couple weeks ago, and Lisa picked up a book called 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours. I think my favorite was Bathroom Attendant, who's step up the ladder is Coat Check Girl.
The last page is blank for you to fill in the details of your job.
andrew 28 Oct 2005
Bail-Mart
Morally bankrupt big-box chain Wal-Mart donated funds to Tom Delay two days after he was indicted.
Still think those housewares are cheap?
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F*ck Digital! Cassette Jam '05
Thousands of images of cassette tapes on a single page. Full-screen your browser for the maximum effect.
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This is cool. I so remember these, the ultimate for your New Wave vacation mix. There's probably a few deteriorating in my garage as I type.
andrew 27 Oct 2005
I totally remember those Memorex tapes - I bet there's one of the Simpsons Sing the Blues somewhere in my parents house.
motero 27 Oct 2005
Eeeeew, look at all you early adopters and cutting-edge I pod fashionistas knocking my current technology. ...bastards!
jpeg@8-track.com 27 Oct 2005
John, quit angling for an iPod Nano for Christmas.
andrew 28 Oct 2005
White Sox - 2005 World Series Champions
Amazing.
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My friend Dan, a lifelong Sox fan, never went a day in his adult life without a sox hat and shirt, died right before spring training. He must have beat Jesus in a game of Texas Holdem or something...
cracker 26 Oct 2005
Texas Hold 'em? That's what the sox won tonight.
nellie fox 27 Oct 2005
boo-YAH! Sox win the world series... Bush's nominee goes down in flames. It's a good day.
jpeg 27 Oct 2005
so very sad.
..but the better team one.
I'm used to being dissapointed.
I am a life-long LASTros fan.
crying on the inside.
kristin 27 Oct 2005
700 Hobos?!?!?
Why wasn't House 8 alerted? Boing Boing is looking for 700 illustrators to draw the 700 hobos.
Carl, sharpen thy pencil. Or whatever it is you scribble with... (My personal choice would be #37: Monk the Monkey Man, which is to say, The Man, although #55 Irontrousers The Strong is also pretty good.) Okay, I'm up into the 200s now, and they just keep getting better and better. If you think you can handle it, give it a listen. If you're expecting a child, make sure to take notes.
Flickr gallery of submitted drawings
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I'm a fuck-up too.
Jeb Bush "accepts" responsibility for post-hurricane Wilma shortages & problems, a Rove-ian ploy designed to support the G.O.P. lies about local responsibility for Katrina.
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Better renew that passport now
'cause after October 2006, they'll all have RFID chips implanted in them. This is a colossally stupid idea.
Over the last year, opposition to the idea of implanting RFID chips in passports has grown amidst worries that identity thieves could snatch personal information out of the air simply by aiming a high-powered antenna at a person or a vehicle carrying a passport. Out of the 2,335 comments on the plan that were received by the State Department this year, 98.5 percent were negative. The objections mostly focused on security and privacy concerns. (emphasis mine)
Oh, that wacky Bush Administration, protecting us from ourselves again...
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In Memory of 2,000
The death of the 2,000th U.S. soldier has occured in Iraq. James Kinlow (above) survived just six weeks in Iraq, chronicling his fears in a journal. When he learned he was going to Iraq, Kinlow wrote out his life in summary earlier this year, leaving a blank for the newspapers to fill in later: "Mr. James O. Kinlow, 35, of Holt St. died -------- in Iraq."
A roadside bomb ripped through the Humvee he was driving, killing him and three others. I wonder what he could have done with the body armor, or armored vehicles that have been requested for two years. I wonder what he'd be doing right now if his president wasn't a contemptuous simpleton.
He leaves behind a wife and two daughters.
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Feeble Mismanagement Assoc.
Continuing the NY Times plunge into inanity, the paper posted this article on Hurricane Wilma along with the picture below. The article never mentions the specifics of the imflamatory image. Only the caption below the picture hints that the crowd was forcing it's way into the Orange Bowl to get water and ice.
Looks like another FEMA success story, or maybe they're just crashing the line at Space Mountain.
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before Stone Cold, before The Rock, there was The Crusher...
One of wrestling's greatest has gone to the big mat in the sky. Nothing compares to a Sunday afternoon watching the likes of the Crusher, Dick the Bruiser, or Baron Von Raschke on Channel 44. "it seemed to the fans that the more he bled, the stronger he got." Long live the Crusher.
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Looks like Andy Warhols bigger, dumber brother.
snap-on hair 25 Oct 2005
looks like a steriod-driven Benny Hill!
Winster 28 Oct 2005
uh, can you repeat that for me please?
With indictments on the horizon, and many rethuglicans pooh-poohing perjury as a "technicality" it is a good idea to go back and see what those assholes said about perjury when it was in relation to a democrat.
via that sneaky bastard scott b.
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Help Midwestern Greyhounds
Word from some of our favoritest West Coasters* evar, Dr. Seth and his lovely wife Tatiana, owners of Cayo the Wonder Greyhound. The greyhound track in Delavan, WI is closing soon, leaving approximately 1,000 greyhounds in need of homes.
Got a big yard? A big comfy couch? Be a foster parent for a greyhound ya big lug. They're not just looking for adopters, they're looking for people who might be able to temporarily house a dog for a couple months too. So ask around.
More information here from Greyhoundsonly.com.
*Jpeg, you're only temporary West Side
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The Crappening
or if you prefer, Titanic the sequel...
- Patrick Fitzgerald may be asked this week to execute a new charter: investigating G.O.P. treason to make a case for impeachment.
- White house leakers say "W" is losing his mind due to the near-continual crappening of his image. Strong leader my ass, turns out he's just a giant pussy like his dear old dad.
- Sen. George Allen, (Republican - Va.) sensing one of W's slimey evasions, insists those indicted should resign.
- And the Harriet Miers nomination inches closer to defeat.
- Needless death # 2,000 is due anyday now in Iraq.
- As a bonus, creepy, underhanded Christian activist Ralph Reed may get snared in the Tom Delay case.
God it's a good time to be on the right side of things (the liberal and/or moderate side). Nice work, team!
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Oh god, oh god, right there, yes... uh,uh,uh, YEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!
lizzie 24 Oct 2005
Uh, Liz? TMI.
brad 24 Oct 2005
Get back to work, slacker.
Employees waste 551,000 work years reading blogs in 2005.
(Thanks again, Julie. You readin' blogs or something?)
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WATCH THIS SPACE...
Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald has posted a website in advance of next weeks events.
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Also, a good re-cap of what has been said, alleged, mis-construed and just plain lied about, courtesy of Media Matters summary of falsehoods the CIA leak case.
(Only if you go for that sort of left-wing nutjob pinko blogger stuff, naturally.)
andrew 22 Oct 2005
Voodoo Today Here Now 5
Don't ask. I have no idea. But go check out the Fridges of Katrina. Don't forget to buy the t-shirt.
(Thanks, Julie)
UPDATE: More on New Orleans fridges from 10/23 Chicago Tribune.
Urban scrawl is show of disgust (Reg. required)
User: garbagegoeshere@gmail.com Pass: 123456
Some mindbogglers from the article:
- There are an estimated 300,000 refrigerators in the streets of New Orleans. No word on how many have been marked for delivery to the White House.
- Army Corps of Engineers figures it'll take over a year to clear them all. Why? First, someone's gotta pick them up, take them to a consolidation point. Next, the people with the worst job in the world have to open them and remove the rotten contents inside. Then, the EPA removes the freon and mercury. Finally, the hulks are scrapped and the re-usable bits are shipped off to be melted down and made into something new.
- This doesn't include all the other appliances that have been destroyed and abandoned in the region.
- 3,000 fridges are processed per day, but the Army Corps of Engineers wants to signficantly up this pace, obviously.
- Only about 25% of the city has returned, meaning there's a lot more fridges, etc. to be scrapped.
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This just goes to show that we need to relax environmental standards. The E.P.A. saysit's OK to just bury all those refigerators under a playground and be done with it... (nervous twitch, coke-jaw-grinding followed by inappropriate chuckle)
George W. Bush 24 Oct 2005
Eating their own
Dennis Morrisseau (A Republican!!!) is running for the Vermont House of Reps on an "Impeach Bush!" platform in 2006. Hopefully Mr. Bush will be have been impeached by then.
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Miss "Lady Macbeth" 2005
Please enjoy this heinous photo of pasty, treasonous NY Times writer Judith Miller. I imagined she'd have a little more color, since she has the blood of 2,000 U.S. soldiers on her hands.
Also, a conservative group is making an anti-Ann Coulter documentary.
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Bang Bang
Cool (yet disturbing) photo of Korea's rarely photographed Mass Games. 
Any person who holds up the wrong panel is immediately taken outside and shot.
(ha ha)
It's times like this I wish I had a house8 alias. Graf is going to come down on me like a sack of hammers.
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Um, hello? That's NORTH Korea, not South. Pretty big difference, John!
Graf 20 Oct 2005
Kim Jong Il: Now you see, the changing of the worrd is inevitabre!
Lisa: I'm sorry, it's what?
Kim Jong Il: Inevit, inevitabre.
Lisa: One more time.
Kim Jong Il: [shouts] Inevitebre! Jesus Christ, open your fucking ears!
team america 21 Oct 2005
There was a previous incident where I voiced some reservations on N. K. and Graf (errrr....) had some thoughts on it.
jpeg 21 Oct 2005
Douchebag Mug Shot
I've never been happier to be indicted.
Delay attempts the "If I look harmless I can't be guilty" thing, last used by Michael Jackson.
Best of luck to you. You'll soon be joined by many of the GOP vermin you trafficked with.
(drinking and dancing commences at the Jpeg ranch)
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Be like Lando
How do you rate?
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Wow, I just got in touch with my inner Mr. T.
I don't know if I should cry, beat someone up, or buy more jewlery.
carl 19 Oct 2005
Free Live Music this Saturday...
Nonagon and Snaklab All-Tsars at Hotti Biscotti in Logan Square. No cover, cheap beer, free earplugs, and a screening of Peter Greenway's The Draughtman's Contract beforehand (8:30pm). Saturday, October 22nd. Music starts at 10:30pm. Read more to see the official flyer...
Click the image for a closer view.
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"Is the critter in my sights?"
In my great tradition of having a laugh at the expense of the dead, here is the story of Cameron Dean, a blind bowhunter. One thing you have to say for him, he leveled the playing field for the prey.
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Am I just juvenile?
Or is this headline kinda funny?
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I saw that and cracked up - not sure if it was due to the headline itself, or that cnn would feature it so prominently.
pazen 19 Oct 2005
Perp walk
Despite efforts by Tom Delay's legal team to avoid a mug shot and an orange jumpsuit, Mr. Delay will be fingerprinted and booked later this week. Watch for his mug shot to be publicized shortly after.
Needless to say, this will be a day of joyous celebration in the Jpeg household.
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Cavity Search!
Officer Bill 20 Oct 2005
Get Out Of My Car!
Watch me. WMV, 2.3MB
(Thanks, Jpeg.)
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Pray harder.
The Christian Coalition, the onetime powerhouse of the religious right founded by Pat Robertson, is insolvent.
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Sox Win Pennant
This is unreal - I've been waiting for this moment for a long time.
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Go Sox! Don't break our hearts....
jpeg 17 Oct 2005
my mom called me crying last night....go sox!
adream 17 Oct 2005
go 'stros!
sorry pazen... I have been waiting too.
kristin 19 Oct 2005
George Bush: presidency in free-fall
Check this out before the Secret Service makes the guy take it down.
Freefall
Endless hours of entertainment. :-)
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and the SS will make them take it down, as they did with this student project.
http://www.alternet.org/walmart/26503/#thumbtack
type55 16 Oct 2005
let the record show that Gil did not read the instructions... Image width can not exceed 370 pixels. Take it from me, I've only asked 5,000,000 times.
pazen 16 Oct 2005
Al Shamshoon
An Arabized "Simpsons" -- called "Al Shamshoon" -- made its debut in the Arab world earlier this month. "Omar Shamshoon," as he is called on the show, looks like the same Homer Simpson, but he has given up beer and bacon, which are both against Islam, and he no longer hangs out at "seedy bars with bums and lowlifes." In Arabia, Homer's beer is soda, and his hot dogs are barbequed Egyptian beef sausages. And the donut-shaped snacks he gobbles are the traditional Arab cookies called kahk.
Mmmmmm....Kahk
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Don't tell me, Al's son is a little terrorist - er, I mean troublemaker... doh!
cracker 17 Oct 2005
I bet they kill Flanders' infidel-ass within a week!
honky 17 Oct 2005
Indictment Pool
This morning, Bush stammered and mispronounced his way through a bizarre P.R. piece with the American troops, with a generous helping of his usual coke-head jaw-grinding. At one point he says "If I'm still around..." you'll always have my support. Georgie knows what's coming. I haven't seen a politician so skittish since the final days of the Nixon whitehouse.
Three lesser & two major figures are expected to be indicted. Mix and match your way to a full indictment roster with the list below. But keep in mind charges may not only be treason, but conspiracy and/or perjury.
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Don't forget me! and Oliver North (R), and the entire (R) Watergate team.
Sandy 13 Oct 2005
Snakes on a Plane
Starring Samuel L Jackson.
The Plot:
On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who's a witness in protective custody, let loose a crate full of deadly snakes.
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Thanks Cronyjobs.com !
The online resource for filling all those appointee positions with hacks who think like you.
Sample:
Rather than getting hung up on silly red tape like 'experience', CronyJobs worked hard to fulfill my dream: getting carte blanche to destroy Jimmy Carter's FEMA – on an easy flex-schedule that didn't make me sacrifice any quality time with my hair!"
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Matt Lauer finds his balls in a long-deserved, nasty Bush interview
While we all wait for many indictements of the evil, stupid Bush clan, please entertain yourself with this sour "W" & Laura Bush interview; the most in your face yet, from the newly un-spineless media. Oh what a pleasure it is to see our retarded president squirm.
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I see embroidered jackets in your future.
I used to see this strange, feminine clairvoyant guy on Univision and wonder who he was. If you've seen him, you'd remember. He wears outfits that Christopher Lowell can only dream of. Now thanks to the copy of "Hoy" I find on my porch once a week, I've learned he's Walter Mercado, astrologer to the latin stars.
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That "dude" looks like Mrs. Voorhees from the Friday the 13th movies.
Google her and tell me I'm wrong.
carl 11 Oct 2005
Does anyone know Walter Mercado's e-mail or surface main address? I have been trying to reach him, ashe was my friend at the University of Puerto Rico.
Professor Waldemar Matias, Ph.D. 05 Feb 2006
In lieu of flowers...
...please send acerbic letters to Republicans.
Best obituary request ever... Theodore Roosevelt Heller
No I don't read the obituarys on a regular basis, someone else IM'd it to me cause they thought I would appreciate it.
I didn't even know the man, but I wish there were more people like him. :-)
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The Bush Whitehouse: Where the incompetence flows like rainwater
A U.S. Marine may be the first spy in modern history to
steal classified documents from inside the White House as assistant to Dick Cheney. The guy has admitted to stealing hundreds of documents while on Cheney's staff.
Shit! Do these morons know how to secure anything? I guess it must hard to keep track of state documents when you're busy ruining the country.
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Python Bursts After Swallowing Gator Whole
Another reason I love the internets:
A 13-foot Burmese python recently burst after it apparently tried to swallow a live, six-foot alligator whole, authorities said.The incident has heightened biologists' fears that the nonnative snakes could threaten a host of other animal species in the Everglades.
On a scale of one to ten with one being not so extreme and ten being extremely extreme I give this one a nine point five!
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Sex Toys on every corner.
How did this not get picked-up here?
Walgreen's, CVS, Rite-Aid, K-Mart and even Wal-Mart all plan on carrying "intimate care products" by the end of the year.
Great! It's bad enough that I have to stand in line there behind the guy in a tin-foil hat who tries to buy a single cigarette with pennies.
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Man, I told you you could go first!
And stop dissing the brim - I told you the CIA, IRS, and the FDA are all after me. It's the only way to keep them out of my head...
pazen 04 Oct 2005
GOP Troubles to Escalate in the Immediate Future
Following Bush's incompetence in New Orleans and Bill Frists obvious insider trading, October should be another disastrous month for the GOP. It's going to take all the lies Karl Rove can come up with.
- Patrick Fitzgeralds indictments (treason?) could be handed down as early as this week. They are rumored to include Cheney (and possibly Bush).
- Long-suppressed photos and videos of the Abu Ghraib abuse (reputed to inlcude more F'd up torture and footage of murder and soldiers raping Iraqi boys) have been ordered to be released in the next 20 days. A Few Bad Apples my ass, Rummy.
- Tom Delay has to appear before his grand jury on Oct 21.
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Don't forget Governor Ryan's corruption trial...
mollusk 05 Oct 2005
Get yer Fruitcake...
We could expect no less from W than to nominate a facist idealogue for the next Supreme Court seat. In this case its anti-gay, religious nut Harriet Miers who used to have a seat on the board of Exodus Ministries, the group that believes God can cure you of being gay. Mmmmm She'll be objective. She wore 16 ounces of mascara, made from real texas crude, for the announcement.
She's as good as in because the spineless democrats, still failing to understand how the game is played, missed their opportunity to come out swinging. Instead clueless Charles Schumer has already said he's relieved she's not an idealogue.
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It appears that Exodus Ministries (on whose board she did serve) is not affiliated with Exodus International, the group you referred to. They have put a press release on their website to clarify the issue. Read the Press Release
Here's a bit of information on the dubious success rates of Exodus International: link
mollusk 05 Oct 2005
Darnit....
I told ya I hated gym!
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The day you thought would never come
Tom Delay is indicted
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What was the delay?
Smart Ass 28 Sep 2005
now just wait one second, this is a great man! he can cheat better than anyone, and has always gotten away with it.
In honor of this long-overdue indictment, I am writing a play based on Mr. Delay's life and fast times, with the dialogue taken from various episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Of course, the part of Tom Delay will be played by Meatwad.
In this scene, Meatwad is approached by Inignot and Err, well connected Texas lobbyists:
Meatwad: Hey you guys, did you say that it would be easy to get whatever I want, like a ten speed, because that's what I really want.
Inignot: Getting it is easy. Filling it with illegal substances and sending it across the border is not.
Err: Yeah, see, those dogs, they can smell ANYTHING. So you gotta kick 'em in the throat.
Meatwad: Well hey now, guys, look. I do not want to do anything illegal here... but I would kill somebody... in front of their own mama... to get a ten speed. And if any witnesses testify against me, I'll gouge their eyes out.
Then, upon the news of his indictment:
Meatwad: Where's my whiskey? I'm 'bout to get tore up!
Inignot: We shall acquire some whiskey on the way to the mall.
Err: And then you can get tore up.
Inignot: And pass out in the hot sun.
Meatwad: Them's my boys!
More to come...
cracker 02 Oct 2005
An answer to Michael Brown's question
"You want me to be the superhero?"
No, competent and capable would have sufficed. We expected to see intelligence in the execution of your obligations, assisting people who instead died in attics for two weeks, and died of neglect at (and in) the Superdome. We expected to be reassured that if a similar diaster befell us that we could depend on the assistance that would save our lives. We hoped we hadn't pissed away millions of dollars to purchase FEMA's completely incompetent disater-response protocol. We expected to see sense in your rescue & recovery plans and recognize that "hard work" had been done for the four years you held your job; y'know, the highly-paid job you lied to get (with or without W's encouragement).
And no it's not the fault of local politicians. If terrorists detonate a bomb in the next city are you going to sit on your fucking hands waiting for authorization from a dead mayor to take action.
How does a unconscionable pig like this live with himself?
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"Would you believe . . . I'm dead?"
or "Something smells like it died in your shoe-phone."
First Gilligan and now Maxwell Smart.
That leaves us with one classic, comic bungler . . . running the country.
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bush is a classic comic bungler? Hate to say it, but "Sorry about that, Chief!", G-dummy is far from a classic...
Then again, there are some similarities: both are/were inept, both are committed to fighting the agents of Kaos, and lastly, when Maxwell couldn't get through to the Chief, he always stayed on message: "Would you believe ...?"
I always wanted to walk down that super-secure hallway entrance - what a great show.
pazen 02 Oct 2005
Ignorance & Scapegoats & Lies
Pope Benedict (former Hitler youth) will dicatate that homosexuals can no longer become priests. Rather than admit their wrong-doing or solve an actual problem (say... shifting pedophile priests around the country), gays are their next scapegoat. Thank God man-on-girl pedophilia is still church-sanctioned. They'll be stuck for an answer in another five years when five more years of pedophilia become apparent; and when they have no new priests. (Seriously, who else becomes priests?)
This is the same faith that says they're broke and can't pay judgements against them, but just built the third largest cathedral in the world in L.A. by celebrity architect Rafael Moneo.
Life is a comedy or a tragedy, depending on whether you've been molested.
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Check out his hand gesture, it's like he's summoning the power of the Necronomicon.
"Klaatu Barada Nikto!"
But seriously, that photo IS of his good side.
carl 27 Sep 2005
It was broadcast on the radio out here last week that Vatican insiders (who are gay themselves) have confirmed that Pope JPII is a member, which is what you'd expect: A big closet case actually perfoming his dislike of gay people so he can pass as straight.
What's up with the penis-thumb?
jpeg 27 Sep 2005
Add lightning bolts and you have Emperor Palpatine.
geek 29 Sep 2005
This computer is a dog
Best screensaver ever.
For your bemusement.
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Missing something?
I didn't believe it when I heard about it, but then my friend/co-woker Mike told me, "There are two things I never joke about sir! The White Sox and seeing hot pink vibrators laying on a roof."
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Talk Like A Pirate Day. Yar-ha-harr!
Some helpful phrases for talk like a pirate day:
"Yarr." - I agree.
"Yarr!" - I see your point, and agree wholeheartedly.
"Yarr-ha-harr!" - You're right!
"Yarr?" - Excuse me, what did you say?
"Yarrgh" - I respectfully acknowledge that you are right and I am wrong
"Be that a peg leg, or arrr ye just happy to cast yer eyes upon me?"
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Christopher Hitchens vs. George Galloway
Resolved: The march 2003 war in Iraq was necessary and just.
Christopher Hitchens, a heterodox of the left, and possibly one of the most vocal and eloquent supporters of the war takes on George Galloway, the ousted anti-war parliament member, who, recently, made his case much to the chagrin of the Senate on the Senate Floor, and who is currently on tour with Jane Fonda in support of his book Mister Galloway Goes to Washington.
A highly entertaining debate sponsored by and hosted by Democracy Now. Here are the direct links. There's a quite a bit of overlap, but I think parts 3 and 4 cover the majority of the actual debate.
One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven
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ZZZ zzz zzz...
Christopher Hitchens 15 Sep 2005
I'm sorry if my lunatic rantings in support of the insurgency and dictatorship are puting you to sleep, Hitch.
George Galloway 15 Sep 2005
Wow, he REALLY doesn't make any decisions for himself...
Ummm, isn't this sort of thing an absolute? And I'm not exactly sure why that sentence ends in a question mark...
The Reuters caption:
U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005.
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When I (along with 99% of everyone else I'm sure) first saw this, I of course laughed at our Monkey President. However, a comment thread on Flickr this morning peed in my Cheerios. It does in fact look like Dubya is RESPONDING to someone's passed note of having to take a potty break. If you look closely, the handwriting above does not match what he's writing below.
Still, the photo raises a couple of completely unimportant questions:
1) Is this a part of the "I say shit, you ask what color" method of management within the administration?
2) Did Kofi take the note away and read it in front of the entire class?
andrew 15 Sep 2005
Hmmm...the photographer who took the photo tells a different story.
(Yes, I am completely procrastinating work right now.)
andrew 15 Sep 2005
Compassionate Cruelty
While the media has finally found their spines, they still aren't disclosing the outright evil that occured in New Orleans. Listen to Sunday'sThis American Life entitled "After the Flood" for a small hint of the racism and intentional cruelty that went down.
America became Bosnia.
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Impeach Bush
In light of Bush's continued and impressive incompetence, keep your eyes peeled for a massive nationwide effort to get Bush impeached and toss out his admin to be held on Nov 2.
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After Katrina fiasco, time for Bush to go
The disastrous federal response to Katrina exposes a record of incompetence, misjudgment and ideological blinders that should lead to serious doubts that the Bush administration should be allowed to continue in office.
They rode into office in a highly contested election, spouting a message of bipartisanship but determined to undermine the federal government in every way but defense (and, after 9/11, one presumed, homeland security). One with Grover Norquist, they were determined to shrink Washington until it was "small enough to drown in a bathtub." Katrina has stripped the veil from this mean-spirited strategy, exposing the greed, mindlessness and sheer profiteering behind it.
It is time to hold them accountable - this ugly, troglodyte crowd of Capital Beltway insiders, rich lawyers, ideologues, incompetents and their strap-hangers should be tarred, feathered and ridden gracefully and mindfully out of Washington and returned to their caves, clubs in hand.
can't get in? try this
via scott b.
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Wow, that took even less time than I expected. Halliburton has already secured no-bid contracts for Katrina clean-up.
BTW, that's the same company that still pays Dick Cheney $194,000 a year.
andrew 12 Sep 2005
Any bets as to whether Haliburton will be taking less than the $9/hr prevailing wage as payment for their services in NOLA?
mollusk 13 Sep 2005
Sorry to be off-topic. But, this is a response to the previous thread that was shut down:
I never said bush was blameless. And there are PLENTY of conservatives who find fault with the president. Browse the pages of any conservative journal.
My comments defending him were only referring to the original posting about wage controls. Of all the posts, yours was the only to directly argue the action of the President and it's potential ineffectiveness if companies don't "pass on the savings." There's a chance they won't. When your customer is government, pleasing the customer means jockeying for political favor (a core point of the libertarian position for privatization). But this doesn't take away the fact the study after nobel-prize-winning economic study that show wage controls hurt the economy. Unlike the opposite position, there is little to no chance that artifically raising wages would show any economic benefit for the people of New Orleans, and a good chance that it will actually hurt them in the long run.
My point on politicization is more about people using the tragedy to demigogue and gain politcal clout in whatever their pet agenda happened to be. In the case of some, their pet agenda can, perhaps wrongly, be interpreted as a pathological hatred of the president.
And finally, I don't work in the mornings. My time is split between watching my daughter, doing my art and receiving my talking points from my real boss, the great glowing Karl Rove palantir.
Gomez 13 Sep 2005
Gomez, I read your "disclaimer" regarding blame for all - including the boy wonder. But I chose to be brief rather than cover every bit of minutiae in that thread. If you would like to continue straddling the line between being a Libertarian and a human being, that is fine with me. My interest in that thread skewed more towards the wage issue than the politicization - and I recognize your point. Seems that you have, on more than one occasion, advocated that if a worker doesn't like the conditions or their wage, they should find another job. Perhaps I am wrong, but you seem to, as g-dummy, consistently side with big business over their workers. I am not trying to anger you, please understand, but in this instance it seems pretty clear that this pro-business administration has again paved the way for record profits over ensuring that the individuals doing the actual labor are protected. I never meant to imply that a laborer should receive MORE pay for rebuilding efforts - I don't think raising wages is the answer here, I am just trying to be fair, I don't want to see wage cuts, that's all.
Look, these clowns might be trying to get the rebuilding accelerated by trying to create incentives for companies to take a stake in the rebuilding, or even demonstrate that they are using exisiting legislation to show that they are doing everything within their means to be pro-active, but I doubt it.
My glib mention of "passing on the savings" is my way of saying I doubt this will actually benefit the American taxpayer. It is certainly not going to help the laborers who could use the gitas. Instead, I see those well-connected outfits getting Gov't contracts, without other bids, and having the greenlight to slash wages to increase profits on top of that. Privatize? Bring it on, but simply start by eliminating these no-bids to friends in the industry.
Damn shame that he wasted all that moolah on battling mullahs, and as an American taxpayer, I'd love to see the actual bill for both campaigns in the middle east with line item expenses for providing "assistance" to countries like Turkey, who made, what - 89 billion to look the other way while we went into Iran from the North? We might actually have enough in the coffers to pay for infrastructure as recommended in NOLA and we wouldn't be faced with this massive bill (or this massive deficit)
A general contractor with 6 laborers as employees is a businessman, able to profit from their service. A GC without the 6 workers is just a carpenter, in their shoes. If that businessman can't turn a profit in what is sure to be a - pardon the pun - slammin' time for builders, perhaps he should look elsewhere for employment.
Lastly, let's take this offline if you want to debate - you can always reach me through CM. And I think you should spend some more time with your daughter than waste any more on half-man half-fish Turd Blossom. I know I shouldn't pick on him because he's still evolving, but that better be one shiny palantir.
pazen 16 Sep 2005
No homes, no businesses, and now, no pay.
Today, in yet another swift kick to the nards of the poorest of the population affected by the Katrina-FEMA disaster, Dubya has suspended the Davis-Bacon Act, which regulates wages paid to workers while working under Federal contracts. Like what, you ask? Say, for example, natural disaster clean-up and re-construction projects. I hear those are going to be fairly popular soon.
Reuters: Bush has issued an executive order allowing federal contractors rebuilding in the aftermath of Katrina to pay below the prevailing wage. In a notice to Congress, Bush said the hurricane had caused "a national emergency" that permits him to act under the 1931 Davis-Bacon Act.
The prevailing wage in the New Orleans area is currently $9.00 an hour. Based on 40 hour work weeks, 50 weeks a year, that's $18,000 before taxes.
So you're finally able to get out of Texas or wherever else you were displaced, and want to move back to what used to be your hometown. Maybe you can swing a hammer or labor manually or just want to help in the rebuilding process. Well, thanks to President Asshole, you're probably gonna get totally screwed on what someone is willing to pay you to do that job. At the very least, this action provides the environment in which that is far more likely to happen.
This unfortunately reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from the movie Real Genius:
Dr. Hathaway: "What are you looking at? You're laborers; you should be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education."
(I know this will come as a surprise to no one, but The Heritage Foundation called this a "Bold Action" by the President. The man hasn't had "Bold Action" since wrestling naked at Skull & Bones.)
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Ummm... yeah, all those hundreds of thousands of displaced poor population in New Orleans who are all Federal contractors...
You seem to be missing the point of the President's action. Construction is expensive, the biggest part of that expense being labor. By removing the wage restriction (A.K.A. price fixing!), you LOWER the cost of rebuilding for that guy who only makes 18 G a year!
Gomez 10 Sep 2005
ADDENDUM: Not that your average New Orleanean would hire Federal contractors to fix their house. The Davis-Bacon act only applies to public buildings not private residences. But the point remains, spending less money on reconstruction, even post offices and libraries, means more money in pocket for the taxpayers of the city to spend on getting their own lives together.
Gomez 10 Sep 2005
Sorry, Gomez, we're just gonna have to disagree on this one. I never said anything about private citizens using Federal contractors to rebuild their homes. Of course those contracts pertain to public buildings, roads, services, etc. being re-built. And who works for those companies? Typically, the guys who before the storm were being paid the prevailing wage of $9/hour.
You prove my point with your first comment. The guy making 18K a year that has to re-build his house doesn't get the wage break the government gives itself. I completely understand that it makes it cheaper for the government to re-build all these things. But at what cost to the guy doing the job? The entire nation is absorbing these costs, yet the guy working on the project, who may need that 9 bucks an hour, now can't get it.
andrew 10 Sep 2005
Davis-Bacon only covers buildings.. roads are under dept. of transportation (interstates only that is-the roads in N.O. are under LA state dept. of transportation juristiction) . The number of people affected by the potential and voluntary wage decrease is miniscule.
"The guy making 18K a year that has to re-build his house doesn't get the wage break the government gives itself"
Yes he does. He gets the benefit of lower costs of rebuilding. Meaning more money in his pocket. Trying to lower the costs of the reconstruction is a perfectly rational approach to help people.
I dunno, all this politicizing of this disaster just makes me sick. Everyone in this country is trying to help out. Not that I think the administration is beyond reproach for the way it has handled itself thusfar, but my cringe-o-meter goes red evertime I hear people insinuate that the adminstration is somehow out there deliberately trying to hurt people.
Anyhow, there are going to be PLENTY of non-federal jobs for anyone who may get a pay reduction. If that person's economic value is indeed at the level that it was arbitrarily set at before the President's decision, he should very easily be able to find work elsewhere in the private sector. This is what a market economy is all about.
gomez 10 Sep 2005
The politicization is both sickening and unavoidable. Unavoidable because the GOP's foreign and domestic policy directly increased the potential for a disastrous situation in the gulf region. Sickening because we were shown just how vulnerable we are as a result of gross negligence, incompetence, cronyism and mis-management—at all levels of government, and by members of both major parties.
No one gets off on this one. Although he is incapable, Bush should be ashamed of appointing a phony horse judge to head FEMA. And the 95 senators who weren't at his 42 minute appointment hearing have some questions to answer as well.
But BushCo is in charge of all three branches of our federal government, yet somehow manages to always duck taking responsibility for the mess. Interesting, that. They're real good at handing out medals and cushy jobs, though. Oh, and scripts.
Tomorrow is four years since 9/11, and do you feel safer? More secure? I don't.
Gomez, I understand that suspending the Davis-Bacon Act probably isn't the most nefarious thing Bush has done in the past couple of weeks. I just find it interesting that this is one of the things that manages to make it to his priority list of "things to do today" (which I envision gets written on a little horse-y cowboy pad of paper, but that's just me). Gotta make sure we take care of them government contractors! Yee haw!
After all, it ain't going to be the guy hopefully making 9 bucks an hour at those $1000/plate dinners as the GOP attempts to...er...mend fences over the next few election cycles.
andrew 10 Sep 2005
"But BushCo is in charge of all three branches of our federal government, yet somehow manages to always duck taking responsibility for the mess. Interesting, that."
Bollocks! Bush is taking a beating in the polls!
"The politicization is both sickening and unavoidable. Unavoidable because the GOP's foreign and domestic policy..."
So now we have to politicize politicizing?
Gomez 11 Sep 2005
"Bollocks! Bush is taking a beating in the polls!"
As well he should. However, reacting to poll numbers isn't quite the same as taking responsiblity for massive fuck-ups on your watch.
"So now we have to politicize politicizing?"
...and you've completely missed my point. Which isn't really surprising.
andrew 11 Sep 2005
""So now we have to politicize politicizing?"
...and you've completely missed my point. Which isn't really surprising.""
Your point was, as you wrote it, that GOP policies are why politicization is unavoidable. Politicization is not a result of a single party's policies as you suggest, it's a result of placing every aspect of our lives in the political realm. Simple things, like driving a bus two blocks to rescue up trapped people, become group descisions mired in bureaucracy. People start to point fingers and make decisions based on broader, unrelated ideologies like race, class or political affiliation rather than doing the fucking obvious job that's right in front of them.
Gomez 11 Sep 2005
Look, I think 100% of everyone everywhere would much rather be talking about what a great job the City of NO did, and what a great job the Govs. of LA/MS/AL did, and what a great job FEMA did. But they're not. Why? Because everyone screwed up and people died as a result. Who screwed up and how? That question certainly begins at the top, at the front door of the White House, which is currently inhabited by a guy who ran on a platform of securing the homeland, and supposedly put people and plans in place to do just that. And we just saw how well thats workin' out for him, and all of us.
So, if you want to say critics calling a spade a spade is "politicization," well, I guess that's what we'll call it. But the bottom line is, these guys didn't get the job done, and have now put the Rove Spin Machine into overdrive to attempt to cover their asses.
Instead of saying, "...and Brownie, you're doin' a heck of a job," Bush would have gained much more support and respect if he'd instead gone to the region looking for Mike Brown's head on a platter, and brought along someone to replace him who actually knew how to handle a crisis. Christ, there's probably a dozen guys in Florida alone he's played golf with who have more hurricane relief experience than Brown. But that would require someone in this administration to admit they made a mistake, and in their reality distortion field, that automatically puts them on the side of the terrorists.
andrew 11 Sep 2005
gomez, you should have stopped with the rape joke... you are sick of politicization? I'm sick of g-dummy always being given the benefit of the doubt by people like you - I think I read Andrew pointing a finger at the entire Senate, but you missed that.
I know you claim to be a libertarian, but what's it going to take for "conservatives" to find fault with this commander in chief? Getting a blow-job from an intern? please... I don't think those Federal Contractors are going to pass along the savings to the US public - at least that hasn't been the case with the corporations who are getting paid rebuilding Iraq - does anyone other than those displaced make any sacrifice?
You oughtta go to your boss and ask to be paid less for the time that you spent back and forth online this morning. Then, please post how good you felt about it, cause this site could use something funny after that exchange.
pazen 12 Sep 2005
Gomez. People did help... Imagine what they could have done with help from the government. Instead a C-student frat-boy cheerleader from Yale who has laid waste to the country over the last 5 years had to be led by the nose past his own idiotic tone-deaf response to reality. That's some leadership. The Red Cross was told not to enter New Orleans for days, a bridge out of New Orleans to some white-bred suburb was defended at gunpoint by the National Guard so that the adjoining suburb wouldn't "become another superdome," while people died in the sun and filth over 5 days.
jpg 13 Sep 2005
Jpg, I've edited your comment. This thread has been heated, but it has never been personal.
andrew 13 Sep 2005
Kanye / Katrina Mashup
George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People (MP3)
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Well, duh!!
Captain Obvious 09 Sep 2005
"Go fuck yerself, Mr. Cheney."
Indeed.
footage from CNN here (WMV)
via Crooks and Liars
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O'Connor: Rehnquist was 'a betting man'
Rehnquist's humor, sense of duty hailed, as well as his wagering ability, apparently.
In her eulogy, O'Connor also referred to Rehnquist's last days.
"The chief was a betting man," O'Connor said. "He enjoyed making wagers about most things. The outcomes of football or baseball games, elections, even the amount of snow that would fall on the courtyard at the court. If you valued your money, you would be careful about betting with the chief. He usually won.
I'll...er...bet.
(hat-tip: Q)
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His gambling has been talked about for years. I heard the old guy was a big Wisconsin Badger backer and didn't know how to handle a Stanford/UW matchup... I think he bet on the Badgers, who pulled away in the second half, but for the first 30 minutes, he was this close to a stroke.
pazen 08 Sep 2005
No time for accountability, because it's all booked up with spin.
After a heated exchange with the White House press over accountability in the Bush administration where McClellan argued that "now is not the time to point fingers," he somehow found the time to clarify Barbara Bush's inexcusable and insensitive comments from the other day.
Barbara Bush's remark clarified
White House press secretary Scott McClellan said: "I think she was making a personal observation on some of the comments that people were making that she was running into. ... But what we're focused on is helping these people who are in need."
Asked if Bush agreed with his mother, McClellan said: "I think that the observation is based on someone or some people that were talking to her that were in need of a lot of assistance, people that have gone through a lot of trauma and been through a very difficult and trying time. And all of a sudden, they are now getting great help in the state of Texas from some of the shelters."
BULL. SHIT. What she quite clearly said was, "Hey, this is a step up for the everyday no-hope poverty and squallor these people live in. Hurricane Katrina did them a FAVOR."
Scotty, OF COURSE she was making a "personal observation." She just happened to make it in front of the press while touring a shelter for thousands of displaced people who just got collectively kicked in the nads by Mother Nature and their government. Keep your personal observations to the fucking country club dining room, if you must voice them at all, Babs.
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You Can't Pray a Lie, Except if You are George W. Bush
" When Bush made a belated and hastily arranged PR stage-managed photo op trip to the ravaged South, he told the fired Arabian-Horse-Association-Executive-Director-Turned-Bush-FEMA-Head, "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." Translated, this means, "Forget about all the colored folks who suffered and died, we'll reward you for your loyalty, Brownie. It's part of what you get with Omerta to the Bush Clan."
via Scott B.
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The Blame Game
Scott McClellan and Karl Rove have been put on the case to misinform, deflect and otherwise discredit the demands for accountability directed at the Bush administration for the mishandling of the Hurricane Katrina disaster management. Their primary approach has been to shift blame to the local governments, but according to the United States National Response Plan, once an "Incident of National Significance" has been declared (Bush declared a "State of Emergency" on August 27 prior to landfall) the President and his administration assume primary responsibility and MUST respond quickly, efficiently and proactively to take the lead role on coordinating a response.
Read all about it here.
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the "blame game"? isn't that a song - "bush, bush bo bush, banana-fanna NO BUSH, fee fie LIE BUSH...
cracker 07 Sep 2005
Personally, I blame the victims. Those New Orleaneans dress so provacatively, they're just asking for it.
That's right, a hurricade tragedy and rape joke all in one!
Gomez 07 Sep 2005
and you wonder where it comes from?
you thought g-dummy was the only insensitive member of the family? that mother of his is a doozy.
found while checking out daily kos...
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HO. LEE. FUCK.
How. How did we manage to elect (I'd say "twice," but...) such a complete fucking moron? HOW?
Remarks by President Bush During Briefing on Hurricane Katrina.
We've got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we're going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we're going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch. (Laughter.)
I am utterly disgusted and embarrassed that this waste of flesh is the President of our country. I feel sorry for Trent Lott getting dragged into such an insane statement.
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While reading those comments, I noticed a weird thing (applause). I assume this is merely a typo and perhaps (vomiting) or (hissing) was intended. Fuck Bush. Again, he sat like a deer in headlights during this country's hour of need.
lizzie 03 Sep 2005
He continues to talk in future tense about rebuilding. Rebuilding is an abstraction in the near-term, people are still dying in attics, of hunger, of medical neglect... This motherfucking dumbass has no capacity to think strategically, let alone put a goddamned sentence together. "Noone predicted the levees would fail..." FUCK YOU BUSH! that tired horseshit barely worked on 9/11, and YES, they did. That's some leadership, a moron who has to be led by the nose to a conclusion, or he can't be bothered.
Where is your knee-jerk support for this sack of shit now Gomez?
jpeg 03 Sep 2005
Bill Maher opened this week with, "It almost makes you pine for the good old days when Bush wouldn't act for only seven minutes."
Ba dum dum *cshshsh*
Actually, Liz, he didn't sit like a deer in headlights. He was busy bullshitting old folks on health care and social security, learning how to play guitar, and, and...oh yeah, ON VACATION. He's a busy guy.
Bush-whacking aside, there's plenty of blame at the local and state level for this as well. But what can you do when the federal government cuts the funding for the very services required to ensure things like this don't happen?
andrew 03 Sep 2005
Katrina
As bad as we knew this would be, it's actually much worse. The disorganization of the response has been absolutely apalling.
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Everyday it's a more desperate effort to defend the cluesless and/or evil Bush. No more C students for president,... ever.
For want of a president, a city was lost.
jpeg 02 Sep 2005
50,000 topless virgins vie for Swaziland's king
But everybody knows virgin number 326 is a big slut, and even I've pounded the chick in the glasses.
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I've been to Swaziland. Believe me, weirder things go on in West Virginia.
andrew 29 Aug 2005
You picked Graf from 50,000 virgins?
jpeg 29 Aug 2005
Who you callin' a virgin?
Graf 30 Aug 2005
Raising the level of the debate
Well, he IS a Cardinals fan...
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I love the "what's the other sign - free the rich?" comment. Who are these people?
paz 01 Sep 2005
Who wants more fruitcake?
With the chickens finally coming home to roost, GOP mental instability is spilling over everywhere you look.
Pat Robertson said yesterday that Bush should kill the president of Venezuela. “It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don’t think any oil shipments will stop.”
That's about as far-thinking as our strategy in Iraq.
Anyone have a clear shot at Pat Robertsons head?
Also: Soulless stooge Colin Powell's giant lie is now exposed.
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This is the same guy that is praying that God make three additional openings on the US Supreme Court so that they can be replaced by conservative judges.
It's our own American Taliban in action... calling for a Jehad on Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. and the Supreme Court!
gil 23 Aug 2005
Seriously . . . forward all my mail to Canada.
carl 24 Aug 2005
Hot or 'Stache?
FoH8 Ryan D. busts out the flavor saver. Why? Only Ryan (and possibly Melinda) knows.
Comments
August Strindberg Reloaded!
ahh! fun with drug addicted Swedish naturalist dramatists!
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Hey - Beer Man!
This site dedicated to my heroes...the beer vendors of Wrigley Field. Unfortunately my favorite vendor, Louie, is not featured. He was probably at a nascar event when the photos were taken.
Comments
Does anyone know how to get rid of cheek hives?
Karen 12 Aug 2005
*pinch your cheeks*
Erica 12 Aug 2005
Wow. Who's the hottie with Keenan?
Anonymous House 8 Guy 13 Aug 2005
man, I didn't know jim keslin was slinging suds at wrigley... hettwer and domenz obviously need to give the guy a raise...
cracker 14 Aug 2005
who knew you could get crabs from beer?
winster 15 Aug 2005
Would you rather have jumbo prawns for nipples or make-out with a beer vendor at Wrigley Field?
Winnie Imposter 15 Aug 2005
Insert Disney Cliché Headline here
When I first read the article in this month's Wired about aSmallWorld, I thought it was either a joke or just an essay, not a piece of journalism. That's not meant to be a slam on Ms. Jardin's writing skills; I just didn't think it was real.
As much as they probably want you to think, Damn! How do I get access to this biyatch? the first thing that crossed my mind when I hit the home page was, This is supposed to be the portal to every single hip, rich person of influence in the world, and their web site sucks. What's up with the blurry graphics?
Comments
"I wouldn't want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member"
Groucho 11 Aug 2005
It's like my only little exclusive "Carlisle Group"... I like that.
Pretty housewife from Omaha 12 Aug 2005
I only like to "intreact with like-minded individuals" and I've been looking for an "invitation-only online community which is not open to the public." ...designed for me and my friends who already have "strong connections."
suburban-minded would-be snob 12 Aug 2005
aSmallWorld is an invitation-only online community which is not open to the public ...but... Our goal is to become the leading global social networking community.
Uh, yeah... good luck with those conflicting goals.
some critic 12 Aug 2005
But pulling out ruins the fun, baby
Struggling to Find the Reasons for War
"never fear, there are signs that the administration is getting ready to pull the plug on the Iraq operation.
The United States has put the arm on Iraqi leaders to stick to their original deadline for writing a constitution for their nation, despite the fact that there is no hope that the delegates can reach agreement on the most contentious issues facing them---the role of Islam, Kurdish autonomy and the rights of women---in that time.
The administration wants an elected Iraqi government in place by the end of the year so that it can begin pulling our troops out in time for the American elections when we can reelect the clowns who got us into this mess in the first place."
Comments
another excellent article on the futility of the new militaristic American policies from the same source:
http://www.commondreams.org/views05/0806-25.htm
mollusk 11 Aug 2005
I'm Like, Oh My God! An Accident!
A team of cheerleaders attending a camp in Ann Arbor did what came naturally after witnessing a crash on Wednesday afternoon.
The Lincoln High School varsity cheerleading squad turned a license plate number into a cheer when a man driving a pickup truck involved in the collision fled the scene, according to the Ann Arbor News.
Comments
That's Bullshit
Everyone's favorite CIA-agent-revealing douchebag pundit Robert Novak loses his shit at some political ribbing by James Carville and storms off the CNN set.
Comments
Epic Advertising
Comments
Fullscreen available here.
andrew 05 Aug 2005
Trapped In My Nightmare
How did I miss this when I was Japan? Evidently, our Japanese friends have created this 6-foot-tall homage to the R-Uh. Truly frightening.
Comments
See also: Trapped In The Closet Cliffs Notes
RK 05 Aug 2005
10th Planet Discovered
Temporarily designated 2003 UB313, the new planet is the most distant object yet seen in the solar system, 97 times farther from the Sun than the Earth is. It also is the largest body yet found orbiting in the Kuiper belt, the group of icy bodies including Pluto which orbit beyond Neptune.
In the meantime Interplanet Janet is gonna need to come up with some lyrics that rhyme with 2003 UB313.
Comments
Let's hope it's populated by gun-totin, bible-readin, pro-corporate, war-lovin patriots.
bang-bang 03 Aug 2005
Would Jesus flip the bird?
George Bush flippin off the press:
Personally I believe that many in the press probably deserved it (but not for the reasons that G.W. probably did it).
But seriously, would Jesus flip the bird?
G.W. has got to be saying the answer is yes, Jesus would flip the bird. Where does it say that in the bible?
See the whole thing here: http://homepage.mac.com/onegoodmove/movies/bushflips.mov
Comments
middle finger is just that. in the middle. he's giving the thumbs up
type55 28 Jul 2005
That is clearly his thumb.
andrew 28 Jul 2005
Yeah, but it's more fun to see it as the middle finger. You're not squinting just right.
gil 29 Jul 2005
Even if he didn't do it there, he certainly did do it here
gil 29 Jul 2005
First of all thats not even his arm his hand is too small and that looks like an index finger are u guys dumb?
Robb 19 Mar 2006
Buffo The Clown
This gentle giant weighs in at over 200 pounds and has biceps that are bigger than most men's thighs. He juggles bowling balls as well as hatchets, meat cleavers, fire and chain saws - as long as they're not turned on! He rips telephone books in half and balances extension ladders and children sitting in chairs on his face. He lies on a bed of nails buried under a stack of cement blocks and walks on broken glass and machetes in his bare feet.
Run.
Run as fast as you can...
Comments
Q, yer losin' it. You pointed us to Buffo's site over a year ago. Are you trying to drop us a hint or something? Does someone need a birthday party with a telephone book-ripping clown?
andrew 31 Jul 2005
Hey Jerky
Are you successful but a real jerk? Many entrepreneurs are so driven that they alienate others.
Take Fortune.com's test, you peon!
Comments
The Saga of Bloodninja
Twisted and hilarious Internet chat logs.
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an s**t?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. B**ch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
Comments
"Holy crap that's a lotta blinkin'!"
Oh, we laugh to keep from crying...
(Thanks Pazen sibling!)
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Winster in WorldCom/Bernie Ebbers Mile High Club Shocker!
From page six:
July 14, 2005 -- WINNIE Dunbar, a CNN business news producer based in New York, missed the hurricane that never arrived in Memphis — but she ended up in the right seat on her Northeast flight back. Dunbar, who was returning to cover the sentencing of WorldCom fraudster Bernie Ebbers, found herself sitting next to him and his wife in coach. "I'm going to New York for the same reason you are," Dunbar told the former billionaire, who was tight-lipped except to say he found his trial "completely bizarre." Ebbers kept an unlit cigar clenched in his teeth the whole flight, even while asleep, except when he was eating candy and potato chips. After his petite spouse collected their luggage, they waited on the taxi line, chauffeur-driven limousines a distant memory. Ebbers got 25 years yesterday.
See also: Ebbers speaks out ahead of sentencing
Comments
Moral of the story... Do NOT sit next to Winnie D on your flight when you are about to be sentenced.
Jpeg 14 Jul 2005
New addition to the House 8 Page Six club
Can't we all just hear Winnie saying that, in her naughtyfunny Winnie voice - "I'm going to New York for the same reason you are!"
GO WIN!
http://www.nypost.com/gossip/50124.htm
WINNIE Dunbar, a CNN business news producer based in New York, missed the hurricane that never arrived in Memphis — but she ended up in the right seat on her Northeast flight back. Dunbar, who was returning to cover the sentencing of WorldCom fraudster Bernie Ebbers, found herself sitting next to him and his wife in coach. "I'm going to New York for the same reason you are," Dunbar told the former billionaire, who was tight-lipped except to say he found his trial "completely bizarre." Ebbers kept an unlit cigar clenched in his teeth the whole flight, even while asleep, except when he was eating candy and potato chips. After his petite spouse collected their luggage, they waited on the taxi line, chauffeur-driven limousines a distant memory. Ebbers got 25 years yesterday.
Comments
Goddam copyeditors! You said it was RAISINETS! That's an important detail!!! Can I have your autograph?
Karen 14 Jul 2005
Wow Winnie,
It figures the only day that I miss Page 6, someone that I actually know is mentioned.
Can I have your autograph to?
Nora 14 Jul 2005
Costco vs. Wal-Mart
Hmmm, imagine that. Pay someone a livable wage, treat them with respect and the cost of running your business goes down.
There's lots of business-y stats and numbers in this article, but this one in particular jumped out at me. Wal-Mart's employee turnover rate is 50%. That is totally messed up. What's even crazier is the industry average is 65%. Costco's is 21%.
Other Costco goodness? They don't advertise, and their execs don't take home "fuck you, lowly employee" salaries. The fact that Wal-Mart has a morning "Corporate Cheer" pretty much locks them into the Evil column.
(via kottke)
Comments
Costco and Wal-mart have completely different business models! Why didn't they do a direct comparision of Sam's Club and Costco? The two are only directly compared once in the article.
Anyhow, assuming by "Wal-mart" they mean Sam's Club too, there a few problems with his argument. Firstly, at least until recently, Costco catered to a more upper-class clientele. Not everyone could join. This meant higher higher check-out tickets than their competitors saw. Secondly, Costco may pay a higher wage, but their workers are more skilled as well. You don't see the ranks of acne scarred, burned-out teenagers working at Costco like you do at Wal-Mart.
Now, the conventional description of efficiency wages for effort monitoring being an explanation for premium wages being paid for similar jobs by different employers is improbable, at best. Despite this, let's assume Wal-Mart wanted to push more in the direction of CostCo. Wal-Mart would have to lay-off/fire a large chunk of it's staff in order to raise wages. I hear the salary of your typical unemployed person is not all that great... although the benefit of being able to watch "The View" and "Maury" every morning is quite tempting.
The truth is that in modern complex companies, variations in productivity are largely the result of differences in the products and the organization of the company itself, and are little affected by the simple productivity of the employees.
I'm sorry. I get all giddy when I start talking economics. Okay, back to "The Ellen Degeneres Show."
Gomez 14 Jul 2005
Ok, the short short version of a much longer comment that got borked:
Yes, Costco vs. Sam's Club would be the better comparison. Perhaps Target vs Wal-Mart? In any case, they are all "Big Box Retailers" dealing with a lot of the same issues.
I would argue Wal-Mart requires MORE skilled labor than Costco, because they have specific departments requiring specific product knowledge. (Well, at least if you want to become Regional Assistant Jewelry Manager after 14 years like that woman in the commercial.) It seems like to work at Costco you have to do one of three things: 1) Drive a forklift 2) have a strong back or 3) run a cash register.
Costco gets my business because they continue to compensate their workers equitably in the face of Wall St. and investor pressure. If you've invested in Costco, why would you want to screw a good thing up? Just seems really short-sighted and petty to me.
andrew 14 Jul 2005
Costco gets my business because Wal-mart (by me at least) doesn't sell produce or meat and Costco is much cheaper and higher quality than Jewel or Dominick's (a fully unionized shop by-the-way). I shop at Wal-Mart because of their immense variety (Try buying a small baby-pool at Costco or an hand crank egg beater) and unbeatable prices (they are usually cheaper than Costco, Target, etc even when you take bulk unit price into account... and that includes the stuff like DVDs and household supplies and not just sweat shop clothes and Left Behind novels).
In the end, it's a chicken or egg thing. Are the workers at Costco better/more productive just because they are paid more/have better benefits, or does Costco pay them more and give them better benefits because they are more skilled/productive people in general? I'd argue the latter.
Now, that doesn't help the Wal-Mart employee that thinks they are being treated like crap. But they can always go work somewhere else. And if they feel they have aquired the proper skill and training, they could even try to go work at Costco. Wal Mart's niche seems to be rock-bottom prices at the expense of employee loyalty. If they change their model too much that could mean higher prices for Wat-Mart and the triumphant return of K-Mart!
Gomez 14 Jul 2005
Now that my acne scars have cleared slightly, and I'm not a teenager any more, do you really think I could get a job at Costco?
cletus 15 Jul 2005
lose rove
My pen pal John Kerry asked me to tel all my friends about his "Fire Rove" petition.
It doesn't matter if you're a Democrat, Libertarian, or even a Republican - this man should go.
Comments
It doesn't matter if you're a Democrat, Libertarian, or even a Republican - this man should go.
However, Natural Law party members are encouraged to meditate over the matter before coming to a decision.
Gomez 12 Jul 2005
Unfortunately any petition to fire Karl Rove is like asking Karl Rove to fire himself. Who does everyone think is pulling all the strings? Do the democrats really think Bush is the one in charge? Right now, I don't see it happening, no matter how bad it gets.
gil 12 Jul 2005
Isn't the penalty for disclosing the identity of a spy during war time the death penalty?
deathpeg 12 Jul 2005
This Land Was Their Land
From Operation Truth: Here is a map which shows the hometown of every serviceman or woman killed in Afghanistan and Iraq.
"While some areas appear to have higher casualty rates than others (and are, by the way, more heavily populated), there is not a state or region that has not been affected."
Clicking each dot opens a window with information on the individual who has died.
Comments
Bush reaches out to Trans-Gender Patriots
Attempting to drum up support for ANYTHING, President Bush trots out a gigantic Tommy Hilfiger poofy flag dress yesterday, July 4th. In an effort to mobilize his trans-gender and homosexual base, and also demonstrating that being a girly-man isn't actually a bad thing, Bush implored those opposed to same-sex marriage to "tone down the heated rhetoric."
"I have a lot of gay friends," Bush stated, "Karl Rove, Scott McLellan, that Cheney kid... and when a friend gets attacked, I don't like it." Bush followed his speech with a parodic rendition of the old showtune classic, twisted for laughs to "Laura, Get Yer Gun."
Mr. Blackwell panned Bush's feeble attempt at propping his flagging poll numbers ""Out of the blue, pops our president, and I’m seeing red - AND stars! It's like being hit with WMD... a wickedly monstrous dress!
"It's just dreary, drab and dour... wake up George, you’re getting worse by the hour!"
(this picture comes to our attention from that traitor, Scott B.)
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Karl Rove: Traitor
It is being reported that Karl Rove was the source that revealed the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame. This story is just beginning to break, we'll see how much momentum it actually has. Given the shit this administration has gotten away with, however, I wouldn't be surprised if Rove managed to spin this into some sort of Congressional medal for himself.
The Huffington Post has more on Rovegate. (Do I get points for being the first to call it that?)
I say we send him to Gitmo.
Comments
I kinda like this article.
this should come as no surprise, though they SAY that he might have kept this from G-Dummy, I figure the Prez has sheltered Rove's rotten hide. I am willing to bet Rove's the person who got Jeff Gannon his clearance, too.
This is just one more instance of the Bush cabal doing what they want - Bush knew all along who the leak was, and was happy to stick it to Plame to get to Wilson for taking him to task on Iraq. and to top it off, he pull out the OJ-speak, insisting that his staff support any investigation to get the culprit. Shit, Bush, tell the truth ONCE, and save everyone the hassle - both of these pariahs are willing to let reporters go to jail over this, as long as their ass is in the clear.
Once they got away with telling the press they wouldn't talk about his past drug use, they just kept setting the rules with the media, and truly abusing their powers.
Values? they have none - nor do they have any morals.
Time will show what scumbags they really are, and all their crimes will come to light as well.
paz 03 Jul 2005
Shit! Shit! Shit! Lawrence O'Donnell poopyman!!
Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you! Like glue! Hahahaha!!!
I know you are but what am I?? Does your train of thought have a caboose?? Oh, that was a good one, Karl.
Damn! Damn! Think, Karl, think... You can get outta this.
Let's see. I could bug someone's office. No, they'd be expecting that.
I could play the 9/11 card. Shit, no---I let George play it last week.
Fuck! I know...I'll leak a story to that homo in the press room...Guckert? Gannon?? Aw, crap on a Christmas tree, he's gone. And Terry Moran's grown a spine so I can't use him.
McClellan...Scottie old boy...he'll be my missile defense shield. Spins shit out of thin air. Amazing talent. Good kid.
Calm...calm...calm. Inhale red, exhale blue.
You'll never take me, copper!! You got nutting!! Nutting!!
scott (the email lurker) 05 Jul 2005
Judge Jackass
Following last weeks constitution-shaking supreme court ruling that private developers have the right to take your house to build more profitable developments, a petition has been submitted to the code enforcement officer of the Towne of Weare, New Hampshire "to start the application process to build a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road, Supreme Court Justice David H. Souter's home. link
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Nonagon at the Empty Bottle...
My band, Nonagon, will be opening up for Dianogah and Archeology at the Empty Bottle (1035 N. Western Ave.) on Saturday, July 9th at 10pm. The door charge is $8.
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Creepy
The BTK killer abruptly pled guilty this morning to decades of Kansas serial killings which started with the killing of the entire Otero family.
Pillar of the Community
In a seemingly irreversible trend, Rader had been involved in church leadership for 30 years and just before his arrest was elected church council president. (He was also a former Boy Scout leader)
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Not Fooling Anybody
A collection of restaurants that used to be something else, including this one, a half mile from where i grew up in Detroit.
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Burger Delights, anyone?
mollusk 23 Jun 2005
OK I felt that one!
Our building just spent ten seconds swaying to an earthquake (5.3 in San Bernardino) felt all the way to San Diego. We're way up on the ninth floor. First very quite then nervous laughter in the office. Feels like being seasick...
Last night San Fran had a tsunami advisory. Pretty active these days.
Creepy.
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We should tie a string between your house and ours so you can find us like Helen Keller in case the big one hits.
...which it might. (insert nervous laughter)
kristin 16 Jun 2005
How come since Johnny Hettwer moved to sunny LA, its been nothing but earthquake LA?
nora 20 Jun 2005
Hey John hope you are doing well. Creepy isn't it? We had one here in the DC/N. Va. area a couple years ago. I'm on the 9th fl too, and the floor sort of did a mini "wave". Guess you're getting your seismic training out there.
Bill 20 Jun 2005
Palm Springs Quake '05
I slept through a 5.9 quake this morning.
Do not use jpeg as your early warning system.
Comments
Aw, that's just Kirstie Ally getting out of bed. Don't worry about it.
Ted Danson 13 Jun 2005
Props to the Frogs!
They finally did something cool!
Comments
Suck it, Redmoon . . . suck it dry.
Carl 10 Jun 2005
The Insiders
Ladies, you'll always be our first choice for drinkin' outside with...Big up yourselves!
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Is that...GASP...Color Me Badd?!?!?
Kevin "K.T." Thornton 09 Jun 2005
Hey, what's wrong with wanting to Sex U Up? (a tick tock ya don't stop)... thanks for finding this Becky, can you beleive the Turbo Dorks that beat us?
Karen 10 Jun 2005
Wait, i took a second look at the picture. Maybe WE'RE the Turbo Dorks.
Karen 10 Jun 2005
No way are we the Turbo Dork, look at my hard-core pirate eye!
liz 10 Jun 2005
If conservatives smoked pot the world would be a better place
or, perhaps they already do, which explains why they voted for Dubya - they were stoned at the polls.
Comments
Spelling Bee kid does Napoleon Dynamite impersonation
That's two great Big Media hacks in one week. First, Anil Dash wears a goatse t-shirt for his NYT photo op, and now this... Ah, to be 13 and on television...
(Warning: If you just moved out of a cave, found an Internerd connection and don't know what goatse is, consider yourself warned. Once you see goatse, you can never unsee goatse.)
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File this under "Natural Selection"
http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/16633
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And they called it puppy rape - I mean, love!
A big House8 congrats to Mary Kay Letourneau and her former sixth-grade student, Vili Fualaau who were married last night!
"Things are good. The bride and groom are getting ready," Janet Annino, Entertainment Tonight's co-executive producer in Seattle for the wedding, said Friday afternoon.
Yes, you read that right! Entertainment Tonight, baby!
Be sure to get them a wedding gift!
Comments
Reception to be held at Chucky Cheese.
carl 26 May 2005
Help squash the Broadcast Flag
The EFF needs your help to kill the Broadcast Flag in Congress. Write your representative and tell them what you think of crippled, big brother-infected technology.
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New Digs in L.A.
I was going to announce with fanfare that after a week of looking at apartments I have finally signed a lease, but I just can't compete with mauled midgets.
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Perfect -- I'm almost done with the "Happiness is what makes a house a home" cross-stitched potholder i've been working on in anticipation for this fine day -- address, please!
Karen 20 May 2005
There's a new star in Heaven
Couldn't Jebus have taken Tyne Daly as his sunbeam instead?
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you now tyne daly emill address is thank you jamie lewis
Jamie lewis 03 Nov 2005
Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight
"The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back."
Comments
As much as I don't want this to be a joke, please look at the URL.
Mini Me 19 May 2005
BWA HA HA HAHA!
liz 19 May 2005
Am I the only one who sees the likeness?
yet another separated at birth... Is that British Parliament member George Galloway, or the criminologist from Rocky Horror?
Comments
Didn't one of those dudes play a James Bond villian?
Carl 17 May 2005
You're thinking of Maggie Thatcher, Carl. I think she was Pussy Galore.
il_postino 18 May 2005
It was a night out that Saddam would remember for a very... long... time...
jpeg 18 May 2005
btw... liberal idiocy...?? I say "give em hell george." the US govt which sees no moral shades in their own asshole behavior is now the arbiter of international ethics? fuck that. It was a pleasure to see pompous senators get their noses smeared in their shitty international reputation.
jpeg 18 May 2005
WHAT! Chappelle checks into psych facility
Chappelle's gone crazy, bitch! YEAH. What! Okay.
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America's Most Patriotic Squirrel
"Sugar Bush Squirrel is 'The Military Mascot' and a 'Superhero' to our troops everywhere. She is working to keep our country free while helping to free Iraq. Sugar Bush Squirrel is boosting the morale of our military troops around the world by posing for humorous photos in military clothing with guns, tanks, planes and helicopters while wearing helmets, camouflage caps and a turban. Watch for more of her military shots in the near future as they shoot around the globe for freedom!!!"
Comments
What's the matter, couldn't get a bald eagle to wear a silly costume?
I think a liver fluke or a similar spineless parasite would have been a better choice.
Carl 11 May 2005
Cute! I'd like to wrap that little fellah in duct tape and get to know him a little better, but some liberal would say that was "against" the "law" and "hurtful" and bring me up on "charges".
Tom DeLay 11 May 2005
Rusty Wallace Shows Danza Who's Boss
ESPN has the classic footage of Rusty Wallace taking out Tony Danza in a promotional go-kart race, causing him to flip over a tire barrier and nearly split his melon again.
"I thought, my last year of racing, I killed Tony Danza." -- Rusty Wallace
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treat your mother right
Check out this 1984 video where Mr. T does a shout out for mother's everywhere. I pity the fool that doesn't like a man w/ a hundred pounds of bling in coochie-cutters singing about his mother.
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This just In...
I will be departing Houston Weds for L.A., to interrupt my degree and work for a year.
Last one there is a republican.
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Patty O Goes F'n Nuts With Retard Rosie
It's Karen Keenan's dream eavesdrop...a coked up n' horny Pat O'Brien calls Riding The Bus With My Sister's hot, mentally-challenged mama, Rosie O'Donnell. Totally NSFW, totally hysterical.
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zeeeeennuuuuuh, you're weeeee-uuuuuhd!
Karen "going to hell" Keenan 06 May 2005
P.S. Does anyone else think that someone at Hallmark Movies is takin' the piss a bit, that they used the word "bus" in this film's title?
Karen again 06 May 2005
Is it bad that I was kind of turned on by that? Oh, wait, did I think that or type that?
il_postino 06 May 2005
Make your own Jebus toast
Want to make some quick cash on ebay? Just brew up some jesus toast with these easy to follow directions.
Comments
White bread and religious zealots . . . who knew?
Carl 05 May 2005
Douchebag is alive...
You disappear a few days before your wedding. Initially your family is hopeful, but they begin to fear the worst as you miss your own wedding. The media mobilizes to make your story known. Police mobilize to locate you. You turn up 1400 miles away in New Mexico a few days later... turns out you were kidnapped... well not really, you're just misusing the media again out of self-preservation so you don't have to admit what an unconscionable psychopath you are.
You have terrified your family, allowed your phony story to hog the media, taken attention away from actual missing persons cases, blown your exorbitant wedding budget, lied and emotionally blackmailed the person you were about to pledge yourself to.
The Family's Reaction: Thank God you're alive.
Second Opinion: At this point you could probably find a thousand people who would volunteer to kindnap/shoot you. For oblivious, world-class douchebags of this sort, I propose the "2005 JPEG D-bag Hoax Act" which tabulates all of your lapses of conscience into one big "three strikes and you're out" offense.
Sorry princess, you're going to jail for ten years.
Thank God stories this don't damage the sanctity of marriage.
Comments
She thinks the blown wedding budget is bad. I hope every law enforcement agency involved sends her a bill.
andrew 30 Apr 2005
The chick who hoaxed the "finger tip in my chili" incident at Wendys is in jail. Why isn't Jennifer Wilbanks? Because no corporation was harmed?
fucked up!
jpeg 30 Apr 2005
I think that Ms. Wilbanks realized that her nuptials would be taking place between episodes one and two of the LeTourneau interview on ET
http://et.tv.yahoo.com/blog/2005/04/27/janncarlmarykay/
and realized her wedding wasn't going to measure up, so she skipped
That and she likes to spend her parents' money
QTip 01 May 2005
This nut-job deserves to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
Carl 02 May 2005
Oh, guys, you're being to hard on her. She HAD to run away to find her f*cking eyelids!!! Badda Bing!
liz 02 May 2005
Yeeeeaarrgghhh!! Edvard Munch's The Scream burned!
Edvard Munch's The Scream and Madonna are thought to have been destroyed by their captors. Goth kids and other aspiring high school poets are in mourning.
Comments
George and Abdullah sitting in a tree...
When you're ready to find the love of your life...
Comments
Did you know?
Random fact generator about hollywood's finest, Mr. Vin Diesel. Pretty funny stuff.
...and now a random fact about Vin Diesel:
Vin Diesel's skull is actually made of the powder of ground up bones from the Jabberwock.
Vin Diesel once impregnated me with a stare, then caused me to give birth to a fully grown baby afterwards just by winking at me, then turned the baby into a fully grown man and gave him superpowers just by shaking my hand. This man is better known as Brian Blessed.
The Ebola virus never actually existed. That's just what happens to your body naturally after Vin Diesel socks you good in the breadbasket.
Comments
In the movie 'When Harry met Sally', Vin Diesel plays the heavy set older woman who after hearing Meg Ryan perform her own little orgasm says, "I'll have what she's having."
Billy Crystal 26 Apr 2005
Vin was my stand in all those years on the 'Golden Girls' set. I had to fight like a dog to keep him. Eventually I lost him to Rebecca Ramin, and there was no turning back
Bea Arthur 27 Apr 2005
i just wish vin would marry me
khadijah 21 Aug 2005
scorching hot British sex
Personals! on the London Review of Books site. Everyone guaranteed to be droll & obtuse:
Massive-breasted heiress, 38, seeks witty Nobel-awarded intellectual beef-cake gardener-chef-poet with stonking pecs. Like me, you are dynamic, hilarious, serious, ironic, passionate, practical, affectionate, kind, funny, have most of your own legs, and are startled to find yourself still cruising the aisles of the Lurve Bazaar.
Ive committed every decorating sin listed in the March edition of Elle Decoration and Im proud. Man, 41, with carpeted bathroom, artex ceilings and a wealth of porcelain shepherdesses seeks laminate-crazy woman for nights of painting the hallway magnolia. And after that, insane sex in front of my MDF mock-Victorian TV cabinet (Ill polish the brass handles just for you).
Lazy, horny, Luddite, male, 52, seeks buxom, cheerful, affectionate female with low expectations, who wants to have lots of sex.
Comments
You think traffic is bad now.
Comments
Fantastic!
I came across a site that not only contains paintings of Abe Lincoln in a cage match, but also has sweet little nuggets like this Law & Order coloring book!
Comments
Ooh! Ooh! Can I color in Lenny's snatch?
Persona Non Grata 21 Apr 2005
Virgin Mary Tour '05 hits Chicago
That's right, the Virgin Mary arrived in town earlier this week for an appearance, and is currently playing to a standing room only crowds.
Get there early for the best seats. B.Y.O. candles and rosary beads.
Comments
That is the WEAKEST Virgin Mary likeness ever. If anything, it looks like a giant phallus.
God 20 Apr 2005
yep, that's a cock alright. I was going to say likewise but I have rep to live down.
(btw god, that pic is dee-skusting)
jpeg 20 Apr 2005
apparently the Cubs have mysteriously appeared on the wall as well...as you can see "go cubs" written next to the stain.
motero 20 Apr 2005
The Go Cubs appeared at the same time as the Virgin Mary. Apparently Mary and God are big Cub fans so I guess that's a big FU to all the South Siders from the lord himself.
North Sider 20 Apr 2005
An e-mail trail emerging from the east coast instead sees the vagina shape inside the penis. The virgin mary is ac/dc.
jpeg 20 Apr 2005
I'm roaring in laughter...this looks like a BIG DICK and people are so gullible they call this the Virgin Mary. This is an insult to the image of Mary, this world is falling apart from the seams!!!!
Merlin 27 Apr 2005
Minds have been so corrupted that you can't see the image of our Mother Virgin Mary. You may see this image in many beautiful ways. God Bless us including myself.
Unknown 27 Jul 2005
I have cake-baking skills... num-chuk skills...
Yesterday I flew into Los Angeles to look into internships and got the job with a firm I'd been talking to. Easiest interview of my life! They really liked my stuff: (more later). I start in mid-May after the semester finishes.
Anyone want to visit me in LA this summer?
...hang out on the beach in Santa Monica, go to the Getty museum...
Bonus: Super short trip to sin city in Sept. You can throw a rock from Hollywood Blvd and break one of the signs in Vegas.
Comments
Dang jpeg! That's sweet! Want a tot?
Napoleon 20 Apr 2005
That's awesome Johnny. LA's full of gangs though. I offer you my protection.
Pedro 20 Apr 2005
Pope Adolph ready to make the twentieth century more like the sixteenth
hard-line german: A position that did wonders for the national image last time.
Is there a 2nd type of german leader?
Comments
Nein!!!
Adolph 19 Apr 2005
YAWN. I'm so over this Pope business.
I know that the Ratzing...er...Benedict 16 Nazi Youth story is all the rage in the press right now, but c'mon people, he's a big shot in the Cath-o-lic church!!! Heeelllooooo! Oppress and shame much?
- Is this news a surprise? I certainly don't "follow" the personal histories of Catholic Cardinals, but this can't be the first time this has been reported.
- Does anyone really care? This guy has made his opinions on all the Big Hot Button Issues known for quite some time. I don't agree with him on any of them. (I'm also not Catholic.) You probably don't either. Nor, I'd wager, do an alarming percentage* of his flock.
- Besides, he's 78. He'll probably kick it soon anyway.
Sidenote: When you become a Cardinal, do you have to take some class to learn how to make Pope-y Hand Gestures To Large Cow-Eyed Huddled Masses?
* to Benny, as I'll now refer to him
andrew 19 Apr 2005
"Oooh, the Germans are mad at me... I'm so scared! Oooooh, the Germans... Uh oh..."
"Stop it... stop it, mr. burns!"
"The Germans are coming after me... Oh, don't let the Germans come after me... Oh, the Germans are coming after me... No, they're so big and strong... Protect me from the Germans! The Germans!"
Ah, hell, goody luck, B16... you are gonna need it, I'm sure you've heard that old quote about not following animal acts and poles...
cracker 19 Apr 2005
I sympathize with your opinions on the new pontiff and the predictions of an ultra-conservative papacy. But please remember we are in the TWENTY FIRST CENTURY NOW.
Dan Behr 20 Apr 2005
whoops re: twentieth c remark. never felt dumber.
jpug 20 Apr 2005
Ronnie "Woo Woo" Hit by Car
CAR (WOO!)
RONNIE (WOO!)
CONCRETE (WOO!)
HOSPITAL (WOO!)
Ultimate Cubs fan/hobo, Ronnie "Woo Woo" was hit by a car today near wrigley, but is in good condition. If you've ever been in or around wrigley field during a Cubs game, you've probably heard "Woo Woo" and his infamous "woo" chants.
Comments
By coincidence I happened to notice earlier tonight that Ronnie Woo Woo is 148-1 in the 2005 Mac, Jurko and Harry dead pool.
In other news, the Cubs just blew a 5-1 lead.
andrew 18 Apr 2005
Back in the day we lived on Belmont & Sheffield & had some neighbors of college age who knew how to rock the house. Every weekend they had a bash or three that (literally) spilled into our place. A favorite of theirs was to take the window sashes out and hang onto the frames 3 stories over Sheffield.
Anyway, one Sunday morning we're coming back from having read the paper at the beach and we see/hear this tremendous crash.
The aforementioned window frame has crashed to the sidewalk below. Then, quick as a wink, one of the neighborhood homeless guys JUMPS into the pile of debris, screaming 'help me, help me, call 911!'. We knew these guys practically on a first name basis; they hung out on our steps and were major-league scammers
We're all standing there laughing at the guy when someone yells, "OK, I called 911". So I go inside and call 911 and tell them it's a hoax, and the operator says, 'once we roll we have to make the call'.
Sure enough, the guy gets a ride to Illinois Masonic, a clean bed for the night and three squares. Damn! Woo Hoo!
QTip 19 Apr 2005
I have some cousins who are cops and have had to deal with Ronnie Woo Woo. Apparently he is not allowed in most of the bars near Wrigley Field because he tries to steal money left on the bars by patrons. He has also drinks left over drinks left on the bars to.
Nora 21 Apr 2005
Pope Adolph
I'd just like to go on record as saying that burning papal ballots in the Sistine Chapel is not one of the vaticans brighter ideas.
Miss Germany is in the lead but the swimsuit competition is going to be really tough this year.
Comments
What The Hell is THAT?
OK, so I added the word hell. But it's still a cool site...
Comments
Nine Inch Nails vs. GarageBand
Nine Inch Nails have released one of the songs, "The Hand That Feeds " from the forthcoming With Teeth CD in Apple GarageBand format so everyone can create their own remixes. The 70 meg file is available for download now.
http://www.nin.com/current/index.html
I'm downloading it now. :-)
Comments
Thinking About That Career at McDonald's?
Yes, you've always wanted it, now you can have it... your way...
Comments
Siegfried and Roy do it with tigers
Extra, extra, read all about it! Per Cole Ford, the former NFL player who fired shots at the home of Siegfried and Roy a few months ago, the illusionists were a threat to society that he had to stop, as their sexual contact with their animals helped develop AIDS. Well, clearly!
Comments
Zena - this might be a fitting category
Chris 11 Apr 2005
I sent this story to Andrew... and then a google revealed His Website
Sadly, it seems that this was coming for some time.
Compare the photos on his site to his arrest photos...
QTip 11 Apr 2005
My boyfriend's new music video
I usually don't like to date within the industry, but OF COURSE I'd make an exception for this guy...
Comments
That's Tim Sheridan's first video! (Betcha didn't know he played keyboards, did ya?)
QTip 11 Apr 2005
We Stand As One
America, We Stand As One. As you watch this, you'll be wondering, "When is the ironic twist gonna happen that assures us that this is all a joke?" But, alas, 'tis not a joke.
Comments
Cops Taser Themselves
Comments
Royal Headgear
After three decades of dallying, the timid Prince Charles has made an honest woman of Camilla Parker Bowles. For her marriage Bowles selected this hat resembling a radial saw with sparks flying off it.
Comments
I just like to imagine them 'honeymooning'.
Ick.
Prince 10 Apr 2005
Hunt w/o leaving your Desk
A clever San Antonio hunter has developed a rifle equipped with a camera that can be controlled via the Internet. Customers can use his website to hunt live animals.
"It's legal. I'm going to do it," said the industrious fella.
The Texas legislature however just said "yeahhh... maybe not."
Comments
And what if the animals (or Southern Baptists) learn how to use a laptop?
Mrs. Ted Nugent 09 Apr 2005
Cool Photos
Comments
Be Your Own Tabloid Writer
This is fun- design your own tabloid!
http://www.togawp.com/main/2005/04/nick_and_jessic.html
Comments
You're kidding, right?
So, it turns out it was Brian H. Darling, a lawyer for first year Senator Mel Martinez (R-Fla.), who suggested in a memo that Republicans could use the Terri Schiavo case for political gain.
Hmmm, that's funny. I thought all those self-righteous windbags were standing up to protect their good friend Terri?
The comedy of errors continues. Not only didn't Martinez know Darling wrote the memo (he claims), he went ahead and passed it along to another senator without reading it.
Florida, between Jeb and this guy, you're in capable hands. Godspeed.
Comments
Leave it to Beaver
Darby Conley tried to get this Get Fuzzy strip run with "Beaver" replacing "Marmot" in the original, but a censor caught it.
(Thanks, Gary)
Comments
This one's for Val
Now if you'll excuse me, my Dunkin Donuts coffee is waiting for me...
Comments
Pazen's "special friend" finally hits the web
Damn. I was trying to convince Jesse "Beautiful Soul" McCartney to let me videotape him tattooing "PAZEN" onto the inside of his lip, but this guy beat me to the punch with the tribute.
Comments
Wow
mollusk 04 Apr 2005
Dancing naked Pazen is almost hypnotic.
nora 05 Apr 2005
Two days go by and still no Johnnie Cochran jokes?
I'm looking in your direction, Jpeg.
Comments
The best I can do... Q: What do a human sperm and a lawyer have in common? A: Only one in a million has a chance of becoming a human being.
Jpegs lawyer 02 Apr 2005
God cleans house
Anything with a feeding tube this week
Comments
When did feeding tubes become so popular. Everyone is getting one these days. Are they like the new black or something?
Nora 01 Apr 2005
my newborn has one, so chic! and you never need to burp them
pazen 01 Apr 2005
CNN.com - Your Humor Destination
Setting aside the incredible Fark Photoshopability of this, I almost whipped out the credit card right then and there to see what Michael Schiavo's girlfriend's BROTHER had to say to the world.
Seriously, CNN: WHO THE FUCK CARES.
Comments
welcome to my world, Andrew.
Winster 05 Apr 2005
We are idiots!
This is too funny not to share.
Fun at the expense of nutbag Christians
Comments
Her parents weren't even there when she died! "Robert and Mary Schindler, came to the hospice shortly after they learned of her death and prayed at her bedside... They left shortly thereafter." Thanks for being a pawn in our game of hijacking the nation Terri, hugs, mom & dad.
father_coughlin 31 Mar 2005
Just when you thought it couldn't get any slimier, Terri Schiavo's parents are now selling their supporters down the river. Well, I guess you get what you pay for.
andrew 31 Mar 2005
Death goes to court
- "Death's attorney, Melvin Roth, said his client would plead not guilt"
- "Roth called Death an 'upstanding member of the community'"
- "The audit also found that Death used an employee to provide landscaping"
Comments
hypocrite
Too bad the democrats didn't induce a cynical, self-serving media orgy when Tom Delay unplugged his dad.
Comments
And let's not forget the bill Dubya signed as Texas governor allowing hospitals to stop heroic measures if a patient has no shot at recovering, and factors the patient's ability to pay into the decision. (Texas Futile Care Law) As you might imagine, the Religious Right ain't exactly a fan.
Bush's shameless pandering in the Schiavo case is not surprising. Hey, at least no one's talking about Iraq for a couple weeks, right?
Speaking of Iraq, (via Digby, where a lot of the Texas Futile Care Law discussion is referring back to) soldiers are shooting dogs for sport in their downtime. Good times.
andrew 28 Mar 2005
Under the Texas Futile Care Law, a 6 month old child was taken off life support due to a rare form of dwarfisim. (!) Thanks to God for speaking directly through Bush and making sure we don't abort any precious babies. I mean, 6 months is a pretty full life, huh?
liz 29 Mar 2005
Man sells device that blocks Fox News
Comments
I love a country where a guy sells a device for people too stupid or lazy to change channels!
Bill O'Rileme 27 Mar 2005
I believe it's more about control. Thoughtful people might not want to have guests or children exposed to propaganda in their house, kind of like not allowing feces in your living room. Also the product can't have a liberal version because "All of the media is liberal." That's nice.
Camille Paglia 28 Mar 2005
Fair Credit Reporting Act
Just a reminder that residents of the Northern flyover states are now eligible for a free credit report, thanks to the Fair Credit Reporting Act of 2003. Southern and East Coast states have to wait until June and September.
Your life on a piece of paper.
Comments
If you need any ideas
THIS is what I want for my Birthday!
"Tulip E-Go notebook inlaid with solid palladium white gold plates in which thousands of brilliant cut diamonds have been set. The quality is V.V.S. top-Wesselton and the total weight is 80.00 Crt.
The brilliant cut diamonds are microscopic and pave set with surgical precision. This magnificent end result is possible thanks to the use of brilliant cut diamonds with a large variety of diameters."
Comments
The unexamined life...
Okay, stop what ya doin', 'cuz I'm about to ruin... your productivity. Here's two fun quizzes to help you learn more about yourself:
Which New York Times Op-Ed Columnist Are You?
or, for those who gots dey edumacation on da STREET:
How is it possible for me to be both Bob Herbert and Chris Rock at the same time? Hmm...
Comments
The Inside-Her
I don't know what it is with mustachioed "news" types. There's this hairy-lipped movie reviewer for a local news station who has repeatedly come up to me at parties - and I'm *totally* not special, he does it to every girl with opposable thumbs - and, wedding ring fully visible, tries to mack by introducing himself as the guy who gives bad movies a rating of "half a wormy apple." So sexy.
Anyway. The dirty, dirty Pat O'Brien voicemail is totally NSFW, unless you work at Element Creative. Pervs.
Comments
Thanks! This provided a nice break from the hardcore S&M stuff we usually have playing in the office on Wednesday mornings. And might I add... EW!
Karen 23 Mar 2005
Element's official stance is "Poor Ananda."
Element Creative 23 Mar 2005
The Evolution of Icons
Anyone else out there longing for those System 1 icons?
Comments
Lightning Bolt Redux Redux
Has it really been over 2 years?
Bon Jovi Remix (3.8 MB WMV)
Comments
The jovi remix is a big improvement but I found the original kind of disturbing. I have to go rest now.
brent 12 Mar 2005
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tanita 03 Apr 2005
Advertisement...
My band, Nonagon, will be opening for Taking Pictures, Zombi and The Nein at The Bottom Lounge this Friday the 11th. Doors open at 8pm, expect a $7 or so cover and it's a 21 and over show.
We're no longer opening for death metal bands! Check out Zombi's site, their music is an array of analog synths and very reminiscent of Goblin and their Italian horror movie soundtrack music. If you've seen Suspiria then you know what I'm talking about.
Update: Zombi has cancelled. Grrr...
Comments
Who Knew?
All the shit that's fit to eat. Or is it? hysterical
thanks to matty-fatty-pasta-face out in LA
Comments
If you ever make the mistake of reading the ingredients of chorizo sausage you'll find it contains lymph nodes, salivary glands, and pork face fat.
Gomez 08 Mar 2005
Mmmmmm...salivary glands...
Homer 08 Mar 2005
The brand name is "Ralphs".
Now that's truth in advertising.
Carl 09 Mar 2005
DanzaGate
This is old news, and I don't care.
(In convenient Buddy Icon size)
Thank you, Chris.
Comments
haha - just noticed the alt tag on the icon....brilliant!!
motero 11 Mar 2005
When Chimps Attack II
Fred Durst shows you his 'O' face (WARNING: Spyware-laden link. Proceed at your own risk. Thanks, Nora).
WARNING: NSFW. Actually, not safe for anyone with the gift of sight.
Comments
Warning....warning....
Besides causing almost pernament blindness, this page also contains some not so helpful spyware.....
Beware those who proceed ahead.
nora 07 Mar 2005
When Chimps Attack!
A couple's plans for a birthday party for their former pet chimpanzee turned tragic when two other chimps at an animal sanctuary escaped from their cage and attacked.
St. James Davis had severe facial injuries and would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose, Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of Bakersfield. His testicles and a foot also were severed, Kern County Sheriff's Cmdr. Hal Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian.
Buddy, a 16-year-old male chimp, initiated the attack and after he was shot, Ollie, a 13-year-old male, grabbed the gravely injured man and dragged him down the road, authorities said.
Comments
Cheeky monkey . . . wait those are someone elses cheeks!
Carl 04 Mar 2005
Hobo Dictionary
Learn how to talk west like a boxcar Willie, and the Boston bums might share their skee with you.
Ah, the hobo community, a subject near and dear to our hearts here at H8.
(via boing boing)
Comments
Spamusement!
Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines. Here's a sampling...
Comments
Time to change my profession.
Carl 04 Mar 2005
Happy Birthday Chicago!
Chicago's 168th Birthday Celebration
March 4, 2005
Chicago Historical Society
Clark Street at North Avenue
11 a.m. - 1:00 p.m.
Free cake and ice cream!
Just don't start singing Happy Birthday or we'll be owing royalties.
Comments
calling all flash designers
MoveOn PAC is appealing to animators to come up with a flash piece that rips the Social Security privatization plan of King George... I figured there might be a few of you out there who would be interested...
Gomez, you've been kinda quiet lately, here's your chance to come over to the left:
Comments
In order to do a pro-Social Security status quo Flash I would need to read Flash MX Ponzi-Game Programming DeMystified.
Gomez 03 Mar 2005
Unhappy Birthday
Buzzkills Time Warner want you to know that every time you wish your friends a loved ones a happy birthday by singing the song "Happy Birthday" and DON'T pay royalties to ASCAP, god kills a puppy. Or something.
So, Winster, if your co-workers want to wish you a happy birthday after work, have 'em buy you a shot instead of singing some lameass song. Otherwise, your bosses might have to bring the hammer down and start garnishing wages.
(via boing boing)
Comments
As long as the "bad boys" over at WGCI (holla!) don't copyright the 8:45OM Birthday Line, my life won't really be too affected....
Karen 01 Mar 2005
K9 R2D2
Comments
stupid
sophie 02 Mar 2006
and the winner is...
Results from a friendly caption contest:
10. W: "Seriously, feel how big my hand is. It's huge. I am the leader of the free world. I have big ol' oil drillin' God-fearin' Texan hands." (Scott B)
9. Chirac: "I expected your palm would be hairier." (David B)
8. W: "Ya see, Jacques, if your right hand had rolled as many joints as mine has, you'd be reluctant to shake on anything!" (Terry B)
7. W: "It's a deal. You support the war in Iraq and I'll have a fighter pilot accidently drop something on EuroDisney." (Scott B)
6. W: "You mean which hand I use makes a difference?" (Kitty W)
5. W: "By the way, Jacques, we're all sincerely pleased to see yer startin' to recover from that nasty dioxin incident." (Mike V)
4. W: "It worked great for Moises Alou! Look how tough my paw is!" (Steve B)
3. W: "Sometimes I feel like I got the whole world's nuts...right here in my hand!" (Bob R)
2. W: "So I was cupping Condi's ass like so and I got Ann Coulter over this knee. Who walks in? The First Lady!" (Scott B)
And the winner, submitted as his sole entry, comes from Alexander C:
1. W: "See that scar? I once tried to milk a bull!"
Comments
What's next, elmo as UN ambassador?
Hey, there's no denying that peoplesoft spokeskid was adorable... maybe this can get his Social Security scheme some traction!
via scott "you can't make this up" b.
Comments
elmo is no puppet, bub
big bird 28 Feb 2005
Join the corps - press corps, that is
Do you espouse the virtues of the GOP and the White House? Looking for a career change that will allow you to promote true American Values? Look no further - Uncle George needs some fresh flesh to get his righteous word out.
Thanks, Scott, for sending this in.
Comments
Koko likes them tigobitties
Two fired caretakers for Koko, the world-famous sign-language-speaking gorilla, have sued their former bosses, claiming they were pressured to expose their breasts as a way of bonding with the 300-pound simian.
Comments
I'm shocked and scandalized. As a kid, i was obsessed with
Koko and her adorable kitten. From what i remember, she liked things like applesauce and Mork and Mindy reruns. Koko, what happened, you smutty monkey?
Karen 21 Feb 2005
surprisingly, nipple isn't one of the "favorites"...but "tickle" is...haha
motero 21 Feb 2005
All Koko needs is a new agent. This will all blow over.
jpeg 21 Feb 2005
Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005
What the fuck, HST? Personally, I'd have thought that when he went, he'd take some of the filthy swine with him.
Comments
"When the going gets tough, the tough go pro."
The world is a little less interesting now.
Carlson 22 Feb 2005
hiiiiiiiican sand my for sex
Abdullah 05 Mar 2005
An open letter to Scott McClellan
Dear Mr. McClellan,
I am writing you in regard to the now-vacant position of White House press corps plant.
It is my understanding that your previous press corps plant, James D. Guckert - to whom you issued White House press credentials under the name Jeff Gannon - is no longer with the administration.
I realize, of course, that because of the flap over the administration's policy of having conservative columnists on the payroll, it may not be politically feasible to fill Mr. Guckert's position right away. However, when you do begin hiring again, I hope you will consider me.
If my name seems at all familiar, it is probably because I have written to you in the past hoping to secure a contract writing pro-administration columns. As a point of reference, I am the one who offered to push your agenda at the rate of $500 per column, or three for $1,399, which I still believe represents an excellent value in today's marketplace.
In regard to the position of press-corps plant, I do not pretend to have the strong conservative affiliation that Mr. Guckert enjoyed with TalonNews.com. Although my newspaper has editorially endorsed President Bush for re-election, it is otherwise a mainstream media operation, and not linked to the Texas Republican Party.
Despite this obvious hole in my resume, I still believe I would be an excellent replacement for Mr. Guckert, who I feel is one of the great press corps plants of all time. Certainly the question he asked at President Bush's press conference about the president's pledge to reach out to Democrats - "How are you going to work with people who seem to have divorced themselves from reality?" - was nothing short of brilliant.
To give you an idea of my own abilities, I have put together a few sample press conference questions for your consideration:
Mr. President, at this point in your tenure you have not made a single wrong decision. Do you find it difficult to work with this kind of incredible record, or is perfection something you get used to over time?
Mr. President, now that Iraq has held free elections, your policy has been proven to be correct and democracy is on the march in the Middle East, how do you respond to those who are calling you the greatest American since FDR?
Mr. President, Social Security is in such a serious crisis that if your plan to change it is not adopted immediately, senior citizens are going to be dropping like flies by next winter. Is this why you deplore the scare tactics being used by those who oppose your plan?
Finally, Mr. McClellan, because I know you don't like your press-corps plants to go by their real names, I have been working on coming up with a suitable alias, and have decided on the following - Kent Clark. What do you think?
Again, thank you for your time, sir, and I will be waiting to hear from you.
P.S. The three columns for $1,399 offer is still good while supplies last.
(mad props 2 the author of this: Jim Shea - www.courant.com
scott b. pointed it out - made my day with this one)
Comments
Thank Yahweh it was a "conservative" prank...
if this were a liberal homosexual sneaking around, passing himself off as a news reporter while asking insane questions at King George's press conferences, we'd be inundated with hateful protests and anti-gay rhetoric.
I like to think we liberals have a better sense of humor, and can appreciate the pure idiocy of it all.
you've gotta read this
via bush-hater scott
Comments
"if this were a liberal homosexual sneaking around, passing himself off as a news reporter while asking insane questions..."
Except for the gayness, Larry King fits the bill perfectly.
Gomez 16 Feb 2005
that's a good one, but I said insane, not inane (or mundane).
lol
pazen 16 Feb 2005
Read all the posts over on AmericaBlog. They have been following this very closely for several weeks. The post over there do not point to this being a "conservative" prank. There seems to be something very fishy going on here, and it seems to lead all the way to the white house.
http://americablog.blogspot.com/
gil 16 Feb 2005
I've been following this story for weeks, and it just keeps getting juicier. I didn't think it would go anywhere, but perhaps it might. See Maureen Dowd in NYT times, Daily Show last nite, Wash Post on Wed., and even Katie Couric today. The "MSM" seems to be starting to show interest, but the Democrats seem squeamish and still have no balls.
Bill 17 Feb 2005
we're here... we're queer... and we've got the president's ear!
we're here... we're queer... and we're helping him spread fear!
but most importantly, we're here... we're queer... and we're drinking the press corps beer!
wuff blitzer 17 Feb 2005
The Island of Dr. Moreau?
Scientists have begun blurring the line between human and animal by producing chimerasa hybrid creature that's part human, part animal.
Comments
I think jocelyn wildenstein beat them to it.(http://www.sat1.de/imperia/md/images/09_TV_Magazine/blitz/_beitraege/_2004/1_quartal/wildenstein170304.jpg)
the bride of wildenstein 17 Feb 2005
Get into Ashlee's pants to help tsunami victims
Wocka wocka wocka! Well, actually, hold the wockas - you can make that literally come true in the UNICEF celebrity auction I've been slaving over. One of the items offered is Ashlee Simpson's pants. Also up for grabs: a week-long internship at TEEN PEOPLE (alert your wealthy friends with teenagers!), a phone call from One Tree Hill's Chad Michael Murray (Pazen, contain yourself) and a visit to the set of Veronica Mars, where you can regale Karen's high school "little sister," series star/Shrine graduate Kristen Bell, with stories of her drunken boob flashing. Oh, and there's some sports stuff that I don't really understand at all. And it all benefits UNICEF's tsunami relief efforts. Yay! Get to bidding!
Comments
Zena, remember when I rolled out all that dough only to have Neil Patrick Harris call me a jerkoff? I'm DONE trying to hobknob with b-list pseudo-celebs.
you've got me on an emeotional rollercoaster - dare I try again? where's my magic 8-ball?
pazen 05 Feb 2005
You have only yourself to blame for that, Pazen - what do you expect when you ask him to sign your copy of porn classic Dougie Hoser?
zena 05 Feb 2005
Hey Patrick. Go Fuck Yourself. Love Rob
Actor Rob Schneider smacks down a critic with a full page in the LA Times.
Warning, that's a login site, use BugMeNot to get in...
Comments
Mmmm! That's good sarcasm.
Carl 04 Feb 2005
Shouldn't actor be in quotations?
deucegigolo 04 Feb 2005
One more word outta you douche and I'm gonna take out an ad to tell you what to do with it
QTip 07 Feb 2005
State of the Union Parsing Tool
See how many time our beloved president over used particular words in last nights state of the union address. Then click on the other tab and do a historical comparison to Washington, Lincoln, Reagan and Clinton.
Main Page with explanation of the whole thing.
Jump right to the parsing tool here
Then click over here to see George making out with Sen. Leiberman.
Comments
Own a Piece of "The World"
Palm Resorts is in the process of building this island resort(s) off the coast of Dubai in the United Arab Emirates. Watch the video in the "home" section. Basically, this is your opportunity to build your own James Bond super-villain lair.
Comments
Looks like the perfect place for my pet sharks with frikkin laser beams attached to their heads.
Dr. Carl 08 Feb 2005
No barrio will be involved in MY daughter's playtime!
Who are the ad geniuses that thought this would be socially acceptable?
Comments
Would anyone be less offended by a realistic backstory:
Her family was forced to move due to a 700% increase in property taxes as a result of over-gentrification.
Carl 04 Feb 2005
Cheney Roots Packers At Lambeau Field, Honors Holocaust Victims
The new face of diplomacy - the North Face.
Comments
The triumphant return of Alan Keyes!
According to Andrew's friend over at the Sun Times, Michael Sneed says Alan Keyes is considering a run for governor of Illinois.
That would be great because then Rod Blagojevich would then almost certainly be a shoe-in for reelection!
Maybe if we are lucky, we can convince Alan Keyes to run for President of the US in 2008, and then maybe a Democrat might actually win!
http://www.suntimes.com/output/sneed/cst-nws-sneed28a.html
Comments
Hot, hot titles...
Comments
Having Trouble Finding Your Sweetie a Valentine's Day Present?
Buy This .
Comments
Army Prepares 'Battlebots' for Iraq
Made by a small Massachusetts company, the SWORDS, short for Special Weapons Observation Reconnaissance Detection Systems, will be the first armed robotic vehicles to see combat, years ahead of the larger Future Combat System vehicles currently under development by big defense contractors such as Lockheed Martin and General Dynamics Corp.
Military officials like to compare the roughly three-foot-high robots favorably to human soldiers: They don't need to be trained, fed or clothed. They can be boxed up and warehoused between wars. They never complain. And there are no letters to write home if they meet their demise in battle.
Quinn said it was a "bootstrap development process" to convert a Talon robot, which has been in military service since 2000, from its main mission defusing roadside bombs in Iraq_ into the gunslinging SWORDS.
Comments
Chinkilla 26 Jan 2005
People, people . . . did the Terminator movies teach you nothing?
First comes a SWORDS-type machine, then the SKYNET supercomputer becomes self aware, etc.
Carl 26 Jan 2005
Man Sells Forehead
Comments
Nebraska is boring.
Zzzzzzz 25 Jan 2005
I was gonna offer ad space on my you-know-what, but I was reminded that there are already too many blimps with sponsors out there...
wanksta 26 Jan 2005
Trading Spaces goes to a "no host" format
Paige, I hear fuckingmachines.com is looking for a new spokeswoman.
Comments
i'll miss her extremely perky chattering.
paigeturner 27 Jan 2005
Chemical Brothers get the DIY Remix treatment
Following the latest trend in the music world, a couple of guys decided to remix the entire new Chemical Brothers CD, Push The Button, and offer it up free to download.
Download individual tracks from their website
http://www.chemicalbrothersremixed.com/
Grab the BitTorrent file here to download the entire Flip The Switch remix album.
Comments
Johnny, I miss you already.
Tell Phil Hartman I said "Hi".
Comments
I am sad that he dead and everything, but does anyone else find it weird that after he retired that he never really appeared in public again. Anyone, Anyone??
nora 24 Jan 2005
God bless CNN
Winnie, can I have a job? Start this video clip about halfway in, with the speakers up.
Comments
brilliant!
mollusk 21 Jan 2005
yes- I was producing that live shot-- was I too loud in the background?
winster 24 Jan 2005
Gimme Summa Dat!
Lord know it's a dark day for freedom, so here's a goodie to help take you to your special, Michael Knight-lovin' place:
Comments
now that's what i call "turbo boost!"
kitt 21 Jan 2005
This is wrong on so many levels... Ladies.. enjoy..
what the fuck! 21 Jan 2005
Some things to do before the Inaugural
1. Get that abortion you've always wanted.
2. Drink a nice clean glass of water.
3. Cash your social security check.
4. See a doctor of your own choosing.
5. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild.
6. Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter.
7. Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying.
8. Hoard gasoline.
9. Borrow books from library before they're banned.
10. If you have an idea for an art piece involving a crucifix -do it now.
11. Come out - then go back in - HURRY!
12. Jam in all the Alzheimer's stem cell research you can.
13. Stay out late before the curfews start.
14. Go see Bruce Springsteen before he has his "accident".
15. Go see Mount Rushmore before the Dubya/Reagan additions.
16. Use the phrase - "you can't do that - this is America".
17. Take a walk in Yosemite, before being hit by a snowmobile.
18. Enroll your kid in an accelerated art or music class.
19. Start your school day without a prayer.
20. Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations.
21. Learn French.
22. Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends.
23. Take a factory tour anywhere in the US.
24. Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list.
25. Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt.
26. Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive.
27. Visit Alaska before "The Big Spill".
28. Visit Massachusetts while it is still a State.
Found via Cynical-C Blog
Comments
Take some notes on what life was like before the draft became permanent.
warmonger 18 Jan 2005
Hey now, beloved liberal Democrat Charles Rangel is the one trying to get draft legislation passed (all the half a dozen or so co-sponsors are Democrat as well).
Gomez 18 Jan 2005
"The Operative Word in Knee-Jerk is Jerk"
1. In 100 years abortion will be viewed the same way that slavery is today. Get on the right side of history.
2. Bush will poison the water because he doesn't drink any. Right.
3. In the last 70 years Social Security has returned -4%, the S&P 500 is up about 10.7%. Which is a Ponzi scheme again?
4. Hillary Clinton tried to turn the health system in this country into the equivalent of the DMV, Republicans shut her down.
5. The draft rumors came about because Charles Rangel, a Democrat, is trying to start a draft. Makes you a liar.
6. There is evidence that Syria is complicit with Al Queda. Go there if you like, but don't complain if it gets noisy.
7. There hasn't been a terror attack on US soil since 2001. Skip the gas mask, send a care package to the troops.
8. The left criticized Bush for conspiring to lower oil prices before the election, and when prices went up, for not making a deal to lower them. Can't have it both ways, folks.
9. If you want a book, buy it. Don't make me pay for your bad reading habits.
10. Insult the Christians while you still can, but don't let them criticize buggery. That's intolerance.
11. Stay in the closet. No one gives a toss who you're sleeping with
12. Read up on stem cell research before you post. There is no benefit to embryonic stem-cell research. Adult Stem cells have proven to be very successful and can taken from anywhere from the ears to bone marrow. There is no moral question here.
13. Go to bed early so you can get up and make it to your job, slacker.
14. Springsteen sucks. Does anyone really care if he has an accident?
15. Make sure you stop by the Clinton Liebury on your way home.
16. Use the phrase, "Fake but accurate" while denying media bias
17. Enjoy federal lands that are open to everyone, not just angry tree-huggers.
18. Demand schools that actually produce, just as you're expected to do at your job.
19. Pray that your atheism and mocking of others is forgiven.
20. Pass on the *theory* of evolution to future generations.
21. Learn French kissing. Use it wisely.
22. Go to the ceremony, buy them a present, save the receipt
23. Enjoy the fact that the US does the thinking, other countries do the sweating. Be a thinker.
24. Let evolution take its course. And thank God that while evolution denies creation, creation does not deny evolution.
25. Forget about junk science.
26. Encourage- don't fear- smart, clean power like nuclear
27. End our reliance on other countries' oil; use our own
28. Move to Massachusetts, defeat the proto-commies, and reclaim the state
ProfTom 19 Jan 2005
29. Enjoy Humor (because people like ProfTom and other nasty republicans don't seem to exhibit any).
cheekychk 19 Jan 2005
30. Rember that all two term presidents in the last 40 years have undergone congressional hearings, impeachment hearings and major scandals. With this administration its not if but when it will happen.
nora 19 Jan 2005
No Prof Tom, you lie! The Democrats are revising draft legislation so that if the draft is forced, the children of law-makers won't be able to skip out. You are a gigantic Republican liar (just like your candidate!)! Also once we declare war on Iran, the U.S. has two options: 1) send the six soldiers we can spare to fight there, or... 2) restart the draft. Get a reality check douchebag.
cage-rattler 23 Jan 2005
hey p-tom, you want to talk about Ponzi schemes? how 'bout all the stocks that went south, wiseguy? if you're interested, I have some iXL stock that you can buy right now.
There ain't nothing wrong with Social Security that couldn't be fixed by simply raising the cap on contributions. But then again, if Dumb-ul-u did that, the rich might actually have to pay the same tax rates as the middle class, and we both know he's not interested in "sticking" it to those poor slobs who make even 100K a year.
Social Security is just that - secure. It pays less than the stock market BECAUSE it is conservative, and isn't as risky as the stock market.
It's there for all the people who just don't get it, ie everyone that voted for Bush thinking he could rebuild Iraq AND our economy. If Bush and Cheney had their way, we would all be investing in companies like Enron. I can't wait to hear the sob stories from greedy fuckers like you who want the ability to keep their money, and wind up losing it all on some outfit like WorldCom. It's meant to be a fallback, not a get-rich quick scheme.
Speaking of get-rich quick schemes, too bad most of us can't buy into a pro baseball team for 400K only to use family political clout to exploit taxpayer money to build a new stadium... thereby increasing the value of the team so they could then sell it to make a cool 14 million. You want to talk about slackers? Look no further than your President. He may get up early, but that prick has never worked a day in his life, despite his "it's haaaaaard work" debate whimpering.
I want to hear all of you jackasses years from now, when everyone has invested their Social Security duckets in overvalued US businesses and Osama - still at large, btw - unleashes that nuke in DC. We'll all be broke ass mothers as the stock market crumbles, but it ought to be fun to watch the mobs lynch the ranch in Midland.
Why do you Bush-lovers continue to defend this guy? Would you let your daughter marry some idiot who can't string together a sentence who has let every single credit card max out? Why not - you can apply for another card, right?
I could go through each and every one of your idiotic points - the only one with a ring of truth in it is that "there hasn't been a terrorist attack on US soil since 2001". And why would there be? A terrorist can simple walk across the border to Iraq and kill Americans in no time, without having to put any money in our troubled air carriers.
YOU ought to get on the right side of history. In less than 10 years W will be viewed the same way that slavery is.
I think the Prof in your moniker is short for 'Profane'. I would taunt you some more, but I am going to head to bed so that you won't call me a slacker.
pazen 24 Jan 2005
all for naught, unless you're the Carlyle Group...
or halliburton...
Can You Imagine?: Hussein Was Right & Bush Was Wrong
You may remember that in 2002, the year before the Iraq War began, the United Nations Security Council ordered Iraq to produce a report detailing all of its biological, chemical, and nuclear weapons past and present. Iraqi officials complied and produced an 11,800-page report on Iraq's weapons programs. The report described all the chemical and biological weapons the country once had where they came from and what was done with them as well as what had happened to Iraq's nuclear weapons program.
Although the report was prepared for the United Nations, U.S. officials intercepted the report, edited out 8,000 pages (over two thirds) of it, and delivered its Reader's Digest version of the report to the UN.
A German reporter managed to obtain a copy of the original report from Iraq, and then compared it with the truncated copy the U.S. gave to the UN. He found that the missing parts covered the Iraqis' acquisition of chemical and biological weapons from the U.S., the delivery of non-fissionable materials for a nuclear bomb by the U.S. to the Iraqis, and the training of Iraqi nuclear scientists at U.S. nuclear facilities in Los Alamos, Sandia, and Berkeley.
Comments
Uh...oops?
Dick Cheney 16 Jan 2005
Dude, the election is over.
Your confused candidate lost. He ran a piece of shit campaign, he had no message and he sucked. Really. I'm not saying that to make you feel good.
And get over Cheney and get over Halliburton. Get yourself over to Google and find out that Clinton used Halliburton (which, in Liberalworld was OK) the entire time he was in office.
You people are a one-note chorus. Lame.
The article you quote above was written in 2002. It's hardly news, if it's even true. The Bush bashers have been wrong so many times. no one even cares if it is true
It doesn't matter. Moot point.
The US gave plenty to Iraq under many administrations, believing that the enemy of my enemy (Iran) is my friend. When Saddam turned out to be a really Bag Guy, plenty of your heroes called for his removal. Google up Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, John Kerry + Saddam. It's all there.
Which you seem to forget.
What bothers you is that Bush had the nuggets to actually DO something about Saddam, and has thus rendered all those hours you spent in the 90s watching the NBCs The West Wing to see a president with a pair, well... wasted. Because a real nuggets trump fake ones.
Every time.
The inescapable truth, which the rest of America gets (those stupid fucks!) and you can't see to get your hate around, is that getting rid of Saddam was not a Bad Thing.
It must really suck to be so filled with vitriol and so utterly impotent. I feel your pain.
Hey, here's an idea: move to Canada. Or, since you're so smart, join the military and show them how to do it right.
Can't do that?
Then keep bitching about Bush, 'cause it's really entertaining to the rest of us.
Really.
Cheney 16 Jan 2005
You know what's even bigger and more impressive than the "real nuggets" our president has? The pair of balls on the author of the previous comment. You can tell how big HIS cajones are by the fact that he didn't sign his name. That MUST have taken some really big, really real testicles. I wish he wasn't anonymous, so i could fantasize about him and his giant gonads... sigh... life's just not fair.
Karen 17 Jan 2005
While YOU might still be centered around November 2004, this post had NOTHING to do with the election, rather how this administration basically abused information to go to war.
Stop hi-fiving yourself because Bush won, and think about all the people who have been killed on account of his lust to prove he has balls.
But that means nothing to you, does it? It doesn't affect you at all. 3000 lives in NYC and Washington is all it takes for you to give this guy a rubber stamp to wipe out a hundred thousand people.
All the lives lost on both sides of this conflict, all the killing to come doesn't faze you - you'll keep bragging about what a great guy W is.
I guess his dad was the biggest sissy ever, right? Because if I read through your bs, the only point you have is that Saddam needed to be removed. 41 could have done it, and saved countless lives in the process.
BTW, I'm not filled with vitriol. It's depression that I feel - that people like you can't see the forest through the trees. When you say that the US gave plenty, what you ought to say is that every Administration with Cheney and Rumsfeld in it went out of their way to prop Saddam up. Read the post, tough guy - when they finally had the chance to do something right, to handle this without rifles and jets, they twisted things to suit their needs again.
I don't need to move to Canada - I'd rather stay right here and let the war-freaks like you know that you're an asshole.
pazen 17 Jan 2005
Cardinal Pio Laghi (sent to Washington on behalf of Pope John Paul II) - "It will be an unjust war. It will be illegal. It will not make things better. George W. Bush Absolutely. It will make things better. (From Bush at War by Bob Woodward) Are things better? 15,000 to 50,000 dead civilians(not to mention the military deaths), the country on fire, billions upon billions of dollars given to the likes of Halliburton, the entire region poised to defend themselves at all costs against an attacking nation disguised as liberators. Could someone explain how things are better and how things wont escalate and grow considerably worse.
Cliff 20 Jan 2005
Brain-cloudy Blues
Bush told reporters that he now realizes that "sometimes words have consequences." Could it be more chilling that a guy gets through serving as governor and 4 years as President of the United States before it dawns on him that he should watch his f$%king mouth. It plays like a stand-up routine:
"I don't know if you'd call it a regret, but it certainly is a lesson that a president must be mindful of, that the words that you sometimes say. ... I speak plainly sometimes, but you've got to be mindful of the consequences of the words. So put that down. I don't know if you'd call that a confession, a regret, something."
Comments
it's only a matter of time before EVERYONE that voted for him expresses regret as well.
pazen 16 Jan 2005
from MSNBC:
Bushs approval rating is at 49 percent in the AP poll, with 49 percent disapproving. His job approval is in the high 40s in several other recent polls as low as any job approval rating for a re-elected president at the start of the second term in more than 50 years.
I believe it's only a matter of time before those ratings dip into the thirties. If there isn't an enormous public outcry for his ouster prior to the end of this term I will be very surprised.
mollusk 17 Jan 2005
Yes - regret seems like the right word. My question is - why didn't people regret voting for him the first time?
Cliff 20 Jan 2005
10x10
Comments
URL please
helpme 14 Jan 2005
DUH! Sorry. try now.
liz 17 Jan 2005
ioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioiiiiioooooioioioioioooooioioiiiiiooioioioiio
Micro "Mac" Apple 20 Jan 2005
Torture Schmorture
New horrors have been disclosed but noone is covering it. The usual games "C.Y.A." and "plausible deniability" are playing out in the White House over recent U.S. torture. The morally superior GOP is having a hard time defining when tactics become torture, they should just define it via our soldiers. When does brutally coaxing info out of an American GI become torture?
- Choking a prisoner till he thinks he's going to die?
- Kicking them until they pass out?
- M.P.'s forcing you on the ground to jump on your back and legs?
- Severe skin burns that require three months' hospitalization and skin grafts?
- Beat ing someone with a chair until the chair breaks.
- Using a police stick to sodomize detainees®.
- Inserting a banana into a detainees anus.
- Covering detainees in feces, with their hands encased in sandbags.
- Forcing a Muslim to eat pork. Forcing liquor down his throat and telling him to thank Jesus that he's alive? (What a swell introduction to American Christianity)
- Maybe it's when 5 people you question don't live through your interrogation.
It's all grey to me. Than God I'm on the "virtuous" side.
Oh yeah, the asshole who approved this is going to be our D.A.
Comments
iPod quadruples Apples profits
What's four times zero again?
Oh wait, I'm thinking of their market share.
(nyuk, nyuk...)
Comments
John, bash Apple all you want, and just keep using your virus/malware/spyware/adware ridden, microsoft monopolizing computer so you have one more thing in your life to complain about.
That way when you can't install Apple iTunes, and your computer is already so fucked to start with, and you are lucky the damned thing even starts up everyday, you can squarely place the blame on Apple where it truly belongs.
gil 13 Jan 2005
John, if your computer fucks up, just call Gil... that's what everyone else does...
QTip 13 Jan 2005
touchy touchy... I've added the "nyuk nyuk" to the original post for anyone who might've missed my humorous tone. On an unrelated note I've never personally attacked you Gil, but thanks for the character asassination (over a company!).
jpeg 13 Jan 2005
It's OK for you to continue to spew forth FUD about everything Apple, but I take a poke at Microsoft, and the crap they call a computing platform, and that's a personal attack on you?
John, I did not mean that as an assassination of your character, just an assassination of the computing platform that 95% of the rest of the world uses, and the one I spend nearly 100% of my work day fixing. As we found out in the last election, just because the majority votes one way, doesn't necessarily make it the best or correct choice.
gil 13 Jan 2005
jpeg,
I don't mean to pile on like a detainee at Abu Ghraib, but if you have to ADD something to your own post because you think your intended message won't be conveyed, there's a problem.
We all know the reasons why Apple has such a small market share. I don't mind it. Despite poor business decisions in the past, there is no denying that Apple has been a leading edge company since its inception.
And with this week's announcement of the macmini , and the low price tag, I'll predict that market share is gonna grow over the next few years.
And stop getting all Zell Miller whenever someone takes you to task over one of your rants, pissy. If I remember correctly, Gil repeatedly went out of his way to help you with the multitude of difficulties you had with YOUR pc.
Just because all the lemmings in this world use pcs don't mean shit - in fact, it's like flies heading straight towards that very thing.
pazen 14 Jan 2005
W.M.D. D.O.A.
The hunt for WMD is officially over.
The search was quietly called off in December (strangely) just after the election.
It took 2 years.
We didn't find a scintilla of evidence.
Isn't that odd?
Conservatively about 15,000 Iraqis are dead. (Probably more like 50,000) It's unclear if Donald Rumsfeld and George Bush will be able to get to all 15,000 hand-written apologies this year.
Oh well... I can't think about that. I have shopping to do, flags to wave and investments to take care of.
Comments
Hey, be sure to pick up some of them really neat-o keen-o bumper ribbon magnets while you're out! Anyone caught without one next week gets shot, or so I read on the Internets.
andrew 12 Jan 2005
Wow, Im shocked - no WMD's? That is almost as shocking as there being no alliance between Iraq and Al Quada. So after billions of dollars going into the pockets of companies like Halliburton and thousands of American and Iraqi troops dead; why are we in Iraq? Oh yeah - to liberate the Iraqi people(just not the thousands that have been killed).
Cliff 12 Jan 2005
GOP uber alles
Because Democrat gubernatorial candidate Christine Gregoire won the Washington governship by such a slim margin, the GOP demanded a recount which also confirmed she won, by 2400 votes. Now the GOP wants a revote because of "voting discrepancies."
Those discrepancies in Florida and Ohio are nothing to concern yourselves with.
To clarify: Discrepancies are vital when a Republican doesn't win. I guess they're supposed to "keep counting the vote until they get the result they want.*"
* GOP argument from the Gore election
Comments
CA principal bans 'freak dancing'
C'mon...Usher as Ren McCormack? You know you want it!
UPDATE: Hey, ask and ye shall receive...
Comments
I love it when CNN and The Onion run the same article.
Karen 11 Jan 2005
Everybody cut... everybody cut...
Kenny Loggins 11 Jan 2005
I can finally write my name in the snow too!
Comments
Ah yes, that is a classic QTip. But here's an even more difficult version.
liz 10 Jan 2005
Lizzie... are you trying to start a pissing contest here?
QTip 10 Jan 2005
Magic-ly Delicious
no, really. look at him again.
Comments
Mwrowr!
Cheney 09 Jan 2005
Ew! That smile says "Meet me at Sears at the mall, 2nd level mensroom, 2nd stall from the right".
Bill 12 Jan 2005
Say it ain't so!
IMO: She wants a baby and all his pot smoking has left him shootin blanks.
Not that I really give a shit.
Comments
This should explain everything
http://lovers-lane.porncity.net/975/070bradpitt.jpg
Courtney Cocks 07 Jan 2005
I can't believe the dream is over. I actually shrieked when I saw the headline.
zena 07 Jan 2005
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Thank you Courtney Cocks, for posting the butt-nekked Brad picture! I love you.
liz 10 Jan 2005
Gere in pro-election ad in Middle-east.
"Hi, I'm Richard Gere and I'm speaking for the entire world ( ! ). We're with you during this election time. It's really important. Get out and vote," Gere says in the English-language advertisement. He repeats the phrase, "Get out and vote" in Arabic.
But many voters, already struggling with the labyrinthine politics of the West Bank and Gaza, say they have never heard of the actor, and were even less interested when they were told he's an American.
"I don't even know who the candidates are other than Abu Mazen, let alone this Gere," Gaza soap factory worker Manar an-Najar told Reuters Wednesday. "We don't need American intervention. We know who to elect. Not like them - they elected a moron."
Comments
Was anyone around me when we ( the entire world) got with Mr. Gere and voiced our opinions? I must have been wasted. Did I do anything embarrassing? Oh god, please tell me I didn't show my boobs and support the Palestinian vote again.
Liz (girl gone wild) 10 Jan 2005
I only do earthquakes.
An e-mail warning of the coming tsunami arrived an hour before the wave hit southern Thailand, but the government-run Earthquake Bureau failed to read it because they were too busy sending faxes about earthquakes in the region and didn't check their mail.
Burin Vejbanterng, the duty officer at the time said, To be honest I did not think of the waves because my speciality is earthquakes.
JH:
- I think the Earthquake Bureau needs a new spokesperson...
- People still use fax machines?
Comments
Snowtime Fun!
It may not be new but damn if it never gets old.
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
Personal best - 323.3
Comments
Damn you, Carl! How the hell did you get 323 on that bastard? I personally like the grounders...
andrew 07 Jan 2005
First time I managed to actually hit the little bugger he went 307...not so good after that, so now I have to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to recapture the magic. Thanks, Carl!@
cheekychk 07 Jan 2005
First time I managed to actually hit the little bugger he went 307...not so good after that, so now I have to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to recapture the magic. Thanks, Carl!
cheekychk 07 Jan 2005
323.5! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cheekychk 07 Jan 2005
I did 318 on Friday. Haven't tried today yet though. Is there a 400 marker in the game?
nor 10 Jan 2005
Tucker, you Ignorant Slut!
After his recent bitchslap from John Stewart, Tucker Carlson is leaving Crossfire, saying he was growing tired of the show.
-- And he never even had to watch it! --
The producers expect to retire the show, as everyone in America has grown tired of it too.
Anxious to join the ranks of recent losers Jimmy Kimmel and John Mcenroe, and overestimating the nations demand for more of him, Carlson says he wants to host his own nighttime show. CNN has replied "No thanks!" Carlson says he is negotiating with MSNBC for his own prime-time show.
Comments
Progress: Mac sucks just like Windows
Mac iTunes for PCs may be the the most garbage-y software I have ever loaded. Seriously, RealPlayer may have caused me less pain. In spite of everything wrong with it, thank god they got all the plastic-look buttons to match. It's real pretty.
Comments
Gulp!
I got a Mini-Ipod for my niece this Christmas and never even gave a thought to her being able to use it.
She probably traded it for Alf Pogs or whatever kids are into these days.
Carl 06 Jan 2005
I've never messed with iTunes for Windows, but I have heard that it is, in fact, a steaming pile of poop.
andrew 06 Jan 2005
Consider this revenge for Microcrap Word.
mollusk 06 Jan 2005
Maybe it's just Jobs' way of fucking with the PC community...
"Hey Gates! You wanna use iPod?! Buy a Mac, sucka!"
QTip 06 Jan 2005
MP3s suck. The future belongs to the analog loyalists.
Gomez 06 Jan 2005
gomez, i have this enormous turntable backpack that i wear to the gym, and i pull a wagon full of vinyl with me wherever i go. it's very convenient.
jpeg 06 Jan 2005
I have itunes here at work on a PC and its okay. Its pretty comparable to iTunes on a Mac in regards to functionality and appearence.
Vinyl records and a turntable-what is that? (just kidding)
nora 06 Jan 2005
man, jpeg and gomez... you two have my mind running at 78 rpm! I'm going home and rigging my 1200 so I can go to the gym with my records.
Wait, I don't need to go to the gym cuz those damn records are so f*ckin' heavy... never mind.
if I had a dime for each record I had to move from house to house through the years, I'd have no mortgage.
pazen 06 Jan 2005
I've installed iTunes on a PC a bunch of time without any problem. John, can you say user error?
gil 06 Jan 2005
A couple of solutions: Use that turntable device from Tone Loc's Wild Thing video or, perhaps, stop wasting your money on a gym. Stay at home doing chin-ups on a rusty ceiling pipe in your basement, taxi-driver style with a crackly AM transistor radio playing banda music.
Also, tape is an analog medium, and a sturdy walkman doesn't cost $300. More like $8. Budget rock forever.
If your mind is running at 78 RPM you will need to get a 78 needle. For that and more audiophile extravagance go to Jerry Raskin's Needle Doctor. Amazing turntable designs that make an iPod look like a first-year 3-D design project (minus the foam core).
Gomez 06 Jan 2005
Gil, shouldn't you be lighting candles in your Stephen Jobs shrine right about now (or is that how the fire started)? I'm sure something I'm doing is causing all the iTune controls to respond after minute-long delays. Oh well I guess I'm lucky that it didn't crash my OS. (http://janicek.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=490)
Gomez, I'm totally on board with crappy transistor radios. I listen to one down here. It's a full-on retro thing I'm introducing to make all you analog geeks look trendy.
jpeg 06 Jan 2005
OK, so I went to that link that JPeg provided, and I actually laughed out loud.
>>From the Windows 2000 Advanced Options menu, choose Last Known Good Configuration.
Last known Good Configuration! They actually have a menu choice for it in their OS!
I wonder if the problem isn't Apple or iPod but that they have to try to gin up a program that consistently works in Bill Gate's craptastic world?
QTip 07 Jan 2005
Bud Light Presents...
...Real Men of Genius
(a fresh rant from jpeg, in a new format)
This one's for you Mister computer "soft" on-off switch inventor. For millions of years, machines knew their place, and humans held dominion. If you understood cause & effect, you could operate the space shuttle. But YOU had the courage to ask "What if the power switch only worked some of the time?"
Now whether your cd drive is grinding your Lindsey Lohan porno cd to plastic shavings or sparks are shooting out of your keyboard, you're not turning your system off till IT decides it's ready.
It might take a few minutes. It might take till Arbor Day.
Thanks to you, our computers sneer, "Push that On/Off button all you want, tech-wussie! I'm in control here."
So go cook a turkey, it's going to be a while,
and while you're at it, crack open a Bud Light
(bg vocals: Mister computer "soft" on-off switch inventor)
Comments
AJ Luna: Media Darling
My nephew AJ (okay, Sarah and Alex, too) made the Rockford Fishwrapper today.
Comments
Andrew,
Yer nephew is adorable...It sounds like this program will really help him and your sister.
nora 05 Jan 2005
Too cute! But slightly disappointing. I thought the paper was actually called the Rockford Fishwrapper!
zena 05 Jan 2005
Hah! No, unfortunately, it's not. That's just Alex's favorite name for the ever-informative Rockford Register Star.
andrew 05 Jan 2005
wow a.j. is getting big!
great smiley pic in the right margin!
jpeg 05 Jan 2005
It's so much classier than the Rockford Birdcageliner. I like it!
zena 05 Jan 2005
Now back our regularly scheduled idiocy:
http://www.pootah.com/
Comments
Next year for Xmas everyone is getting a pootah lunchbox. At that price, who could go wrong.
nora 04 Jan 2005
for five dollars i'll shoot pootah...
jpeg 05 Jan 2005
Ah, crap. I thought the link said pootang. Nevermind
QTip 05 Jan 2005
I couldn't get it to stop! My computer was taking its sweet-ass time and that, that NOISE...what IS that?! I hate pootah! Bad noise!
Graf 05 Jan 2005
Please pardon our service interuptions
Sorry about the service inturuption.
Here's an online article about the issue:
http://www.nbc5.com/news/4041464/detail.html
Here are some pictures I snapped standing in front of my house during and after the fire:
View image (during the fire)
View image (during the fire)
View image (during the fire)
View image (during the fire)
View image (after the fire, the collapsed house is already gone)
View image (after the fire, house across the alley)
Comments
RE: That last picture... I have heard of vinyl siding weeping in fear, but never seen it.
Glad you are ok
- Q
QTip 04 Jan 2005
gil, next time you need a break there's no need to resort to arson. just take a timeout!
jpeg 06 Jan 2005
Comments
He's cute. I give it till summer.
jpeg 30 Dec 2004
How do I know "maccaroni and cheese" was on their gift registry?
cracker 30 Dec 2004
hey y'all
By the by- I am registered at Crate and Barrell- Shabby Chic- and at gas stations...cheetos and Red Bull y'all!
Britney 31 Dec 2004
GOP Douchebaggery Alert
Because Tom Delay (scumbag fom Texas) was almost dethroned due to ethics violations prior to the election, the GOP has decided to make it harder to bring an Ethics Inquiry. The solution doesn't involve improving ones behavior or censuring douchebags, just preventing investigations.
Hapyy new Year.
Happy new 4 Years...
Comments
Tsunami relief efforts
Following on from here, I've emailed Home Depot, Wal-Mart, Best Buy and Swapagift.com regarding gift card donations directly to tsunami relief charities.
Amazon.com has already implemented the ability to donate via their One-Click system.
If you've received a holiday gift card, contact the company and ask if they'll take it as a donation to a tsunami relief charity.
Comments
As Andrew no doubt knows, he has made the listing on Boing Boing. I hope this scheme works out.
"BoingBoing reader Andrew Falconer proposes that folks who've received holiday gift cards convert them into donations to a tsunami relief charity...."
jpeg 30 Dec 2004
Just wanted to stop by and let you know that Swapagift.com is going to immediately donate $500 to the American Red Cross for relief efforts.
In addition, 10% of all our gift card sales will be donated as well. Thanks for the idea, I hope others realize how important it is do this, and do it quickly.
Mike K 31 Dec 2004
Tsunami affects celebs
Richard Attenborough (actor in Jurrasic Park, and director of the godawful film A Chorus Line and the long but inspiring Gandhi) has learned that his 14 year old granddaughter Lucy was killed in the tsunami. Actually his daughter Jane and her entire family are missing but for now they are only acknowledging the death of Lucy.
- Super-suave Chicago interior designer Nate Berkus survived his beachfront assault but his partner photographer Fernando Bengoechea has already been listed among the dead.
- Susan Sontag missed the tsunami, but died anyways. (Gomez you are forbidden to rant about Susan Sontag. Just keep pondering Cheney's schlong.)
I don't have a TV so you may already know this stuff.
Comments
My cousin and her college friends typically spend New Years at some foregin locale. She couldn't go this year-- the group went to Thailand. They haven't been heard from yet...
QTip 29 Dec 2004
It's terrible and all but the news sure has a way of blowing even this out of proportion . . . I've already read that the tsunami had "the force of a million atom bombs" and that it altered the earth's "orbit".
Give it a rest chicken little.
Carl 29 Dec 2004
It really is amazing how depressingly accurate Monty Python's news spoof is. I do understand that people want to know the details, but there really seems to be an incredible amount of emphasis on the number of foreigners dead or missing. We don't really care about those 30,000+ Sri Lankans, how many Brits died? Oh no! The tourist hotspot where "The Beach" was filmed was destroyed? Travesty!
I would think the fact that ordinary people have lost their ENTIRE families, communities and homes, and have been forced to dump bodies into mass graves or risk dying an even more horrible death from contaminated water supplies would be a bit more pressing.
But what can WE do, other than snarkily blog away?
Google has a list of charities, and someone has already
rated them.
Wouldn't it be great if some of our larger corporate behemoths were able to implement something to donate funds to charities via all those gift cards everyone just got?
andrew 29 Dec 2004
Anyone catch Foxnews taking the time to blame the UN for this? According to one of their "expert" analysts, the UN has time for checking snow caps in the Alps, but not creating a Tsunami detecting system in the Indian Ocean. Thanks Fox News, once again you proved that you are barely a crediable new source and a beckon for idiots.
On the other hand, CNN is doing a great job covering this. They are proving why their such a great news source.
nora 29 Dec 2004
What this country needs is a war on tsunamis.
Johnny Jpeg, will you be the Director of the homeland Defense against Tsunamis?
George Bush 29 Dec 2004
Andy, My point was more along the lines of "this disaster is so big that it even included celebrities families..." who are usually exempt from tragedies that hit 70,000 average people. I'm saddened by the whole thing and aware of the not-so-subtle racism of the coverage.
Each new story is horrible. I am sure this will top 100,000, which is quite a lot of pain.
jpeg 29 Dec 2004
Jpeg, I was not pointing at you regarding the focus on celebrities in this tragedy. I'm sorry if you thought I was. Perhaps I was a bit obtuse in my Monty Python reference. (It's the skit w/ John Cleese reporting on disasters around the world where no British died, so no one gives a toss.)
I think I was typing while CNN blathered in my ear about some super model's "harrowing experience" or something. And I'm sorry, but if they show that fucking Scandinavian kid and his dad ONE MORE TIME... C'mon, people! THERE ARE BODIES ROTTING IN THE STREET. There's a doctor in Sri Lanka completely cut off from everything, yet he's still doing what he can.
And what's the first thing that happens? Dubya and the UN take pot-shots at each other. Wonderful. Where's Team America when you need 'em?
Tsunami Aid! Fuck Yeah!
andrew 29 Dec 2004
Cheney's dick
#10 "Bored Out of His Mind With Your Petty Concerns Cheney" is pretty good, but you won't forget #2 "The Famous Cheney Endowment" anytime soon.
Comments
Tossing his Salad
Police are looking for two women who sexually assaulted a man with a pair of cooking tongs. Police say the victim awoke Saturday morning with a metal object protruding from his body.
Doctors surgically removed an object identified as "one half of a pair of tongs," and turned it over to police. The victim who was using cocaine at the time, told police he does not remember much of what happened. He had been drinking and using cocaine at his mobile home Friday night when he saw two chicks outside and invited them in.
Do we need a white trash category?
Comments
Leg Nipple!
A skin graft gone wack. The owner of this particular leg nipple claims it's just like a real one and responds to "rubbing".
Comments
Bleccchh... leg nipples are gross!
jpeg 28 Dec 2004
"Worst Ever Quake Kills Thousands" as Yahoo Connects Revenue Stream (Now's the time for Earthquake Insurance, Folks!)
One of the most powerful earthquakes in history hit Asia Sunday, unleashing a tsunami which devastated coastal areas of Sri Lanka, India, Indonesia and tourist isles in Thailand, killing more than 11,300 people. (Reuters Graphic)
Q is reading with horror as a real horror pops up on his browser window...
Comments
Is this how "God" says Merry Christmas?
jpeg 26 Dec 2004
Don't tell Grampa any more State Secrets...
73-year-old Donald Rumsfeld flew into Iraq today to surprise the soldiers and made his biggest gaffe yet. While rallying the troops he mentioned the World Trade Center attack and "the plane shot down over Pennsylvania." (!)
Spoken like a true Nixon administration flunky, Rummy! It was always suspected that Bush & Cheney had that flight shot down on 9/11, but the big bad Bush white house has always denied it till now.
It doesn't help when one of your own can't keep a secret.
Comments
more mashups with your turkey?
the who and beach boys... enjoy
via the king of rock, Ken Waagner
Comments
This is like if the Beach Boys got together with us and took a bunch of drugs. Oh, wait...
Keith Moon 22 Dec 2004
More Holiday Cheer
6. Do have the courtesy to clean your regifts. I once got a rice cooker . . . with a couple of kernels of rice still clinging to it. Some hand-me-downs can be passed off as regifts if the packaging is intact, like the wine glasses youve belatedly decided to share with a loved one. Just wash the lipstick off the rim, 'kay?
Comments
I kept staying at home and shopping online.
I had ordered many gift for my friends, include Cosmetics & Perfume, magazines. I really like this magazine website.
sarah 28 Dec 2004
Merry Christmas™
Don't worry, I have a YuleCo EULA.
via more like this
Comments
O holy crap.
As soon as I can package them up, I bought you all sweaters with a tasefully appliqued Xmas message They were marked down. Can you believe it?
From the Tribunes hideous Xmas sweaters feature.
Not even if I was Huxtable.
Comments
Whatcha Whatcha Whatcha want....Jude?
via Scott Stereogum
Comments
Scared of Santa Gallery
Comments
Lohan Freestyle
A flash music video tribute to Lindsay Lohan and her "big ass titties".
Comments
tightest shit ever. bar none. who the fuck is get it right? i aint never heard of them, but they live up to they name!
LohanLuva 21 Dec 2004
Grand Theft Auto imitates Life imitates GTA
Some dude survived a 5 story drop from a parking garage.
Comments
Bypass Compulsory Web Registration
Sick of filling out stupid registration forms to read stories linked from this blog? I've been relying on the BugMeNot Firefox extension for quite some time now. Right-click on a login box at say, The Chicago Tribune, and the plugin grabs a login and pass from an online database. You can also just use their web-based form if you are too lame or lazy to use Firefox.
Comments
Best. Headline. Evar.
Comments
Good one, but I clipped one from the Sun-Times about 25 years ago that said: 'SWEETEST GUY' HELD IN FAMILY AX-KILLING. I still have it.
il_postino 15 Dec 2004
The 1,420 Calorie Monster Thickburger
A self-described "monument to decadence," the Monster Thickburger consists of two slabs of beef (one-third pound each), three slices of cheese, four strips of bacon and a generous dollop of mayonnaise on top, and the whole thing is nestled between two sesame-seed buns.
Which are buttered.
Available at Hardees
Comments
Customer: "Look! I got a chinese finger trap in Monster Thickburger funmeal."
Hardees Cashier: "No sir, that's an arterial stint."
Carl 14 Dec 2004
Is getting a small diet coke with this funny or sad?
nora 15 Dec 2004
Worst Album Covers Ever
Check out these nuggets of... well, it aint gold. The best of the worst.
via Brian B.
Comments
When Joyce isn't laying down a groove, she's answering phones in the principals office at Hurlington High.
Damn funny link.
jpeg 14 Dec 2004
I think Joyce kinda looks like Tootsie...
QTip 20 Dec 2004
Gift Ideas
Doggy Tongue-ball
It's a ball with a big rubber tongue. You throw it and when your dog retrieves it, it looks like he has a jumbo tongue. wait... let me explain some more...
CSI: Forensic Facial Reconstruction Kit
For the budding crimnologist in your family. The toy that stares your kids into submission...
My rusted Slinky® looks pretty sad next to these.
Comments
Men! Beware your "lap tops"
Comments
R.I.P. Dimebag Darrell
In a truly vulgar display of power, ex-Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell was murdered on stage last night when playing with his new band, Damageplan. Cool guy. Very sad.
Gunman kills 4 at Ohio nightclub
Comments
The Golden Calf
Madame Tussaud's Wax Gallery is stirring things up with a nativity scene featuring David Beckham as Joseph and Posh Spice as Mary. Kylie Minogue, Tony Blair, George W. Bush and Samuel L. Jackson also star. "This is worse than bad taste. It is cheap," says some guy at the Vatican® who's aware of a distinction between these terms.
Venerating idols, crucifixes & french toast is still AOK with the Pontiff, despite being explicit no-nos in the good book.
Comments
U r going to criticize the Pope?
Fred 11 Dec 2004
U r going to criticize the Pope?
Cliff 11 Dec 2004
beckham is bigger than Jeebus - he should be cast as Yahweh hisself, floating above the others in the sky.
cracker 11 Dec 2004
napster
Metro.naps, a New York concern, recently opened a nap boutique where tired workers/shoppers could get their second wind in one of their shagadelic sleep pods. Pricetag: 14 dollars for a twenty minute nap.
It's a great idea but doesn't it take about 20 minutes just to fall asleep? and for 14 bucks they should wake you up with a lapdance.
Comments
A couple of months ago I had to take my daughter to South Bend, Indiana as part of a dance class.
I'd been up all night the night before, working on a project, and was also dealing with a bad reaction to some medicine the doctor had given me... I didn't feel well
So, I dropped her at the class (it was a 5 hour seminar) and drove to town looking for a place to nap.
The public library loomed large
I went inside, found something boring to read, popped in my earbuds and fell asleep.
Slouched in a comfy chair, hat over my eyes, I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
A while later I felt this annoying pain in my leg, and awoke to see two police officers standing over me. One was kicking my leg.
I was looking at the burly black one, but he seemed to have this feminine voice, and over the sound of the iPod, the voice was saying, "Wake up. Can you hear me?"
In one fell swoop I sat up, pulled the earbuds and said, in my best honest-citizen voice, "Yes... sir? Huh? Sir?"
At that moment I realized it was not the burly black cop addressing me, but his equally burly partner next to him.
Sgt. Ballbricker, that was handling this case.
"I'm a ma'am, not a sir. You can't sleep here. You have to leave."
I looked around and saw that the whole place was staring at me. She had been shouting.
"Uh, ok. Sorry."
I went outside and saw that about a half-dozen bums, me included, had been rousted on this sweep of the city library. Wish I'd had my camera.
I eventually slept in my car in an abandoned store parking lot, iPod playing in my ears.
QTip 08 Dec 2004
True Sleeping Stories....
When I was zipping across the country via car to check out arch schools, I would often get drowsy. Not wanting to lose driving time just cause I needed a horizontal hour, I continually pulled into parking lots, put up all my window shades (I bought a lot on that trip) and snoozed my way across America. On my first trip down to Houston I stopped at the Wal-mart in swampy Lafayette La. for a snooze.
jpeg 08 Dec 2004
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........
smartass 09 Dec 2004
jpeg and QTip - u2 should stand in front of Metro.naps and stop people walking by and tell them your stories; the people would be lined up to get in.
Jef........ 13 Dec 2004
LaSalle Bank Building fire
Graf's old building is on fire! A fire started on the 29th floor at around 6:30pm. It's now 9:45pm, and they're saying it has spread to the 30th. Approximately a third of the entire CFD was sent to the scene.
Some dude Graf hired is on TV right now!
Firefighters are really cool.
Comments
Nora and my sister called to give me a heads-up. As soon as I saw the pix on the Trib website, I thought "That's Grafs' building. She gets a day off tomorrow."
I didn't know she'd moved.
jpeg 06 Dec 2004
The last fire of this type- the Cook County Building fire- was in the offices of the husband of a good friend. He lost 3 of his staff; today I was saying to his wife that 'maybe they can go on now, put it behind them'.
Man. What a drag. I hope everyone gets out ok.
QTip 07 Dec 2004
I guess bringing xmas decorations circa 1960 to work is not a good idea.
Nora 07 Dec 2004
Did Graf do it? did she, did she?
jpeg 08 Dec 2004
I did it! I did it! I did every last bit of it!
I was cooking shrimp on the Hibachi in the copier room and the place went up like a bloomin' torch!
Bwah hahahhahhah! I'm MAD I tell you!
Bwahahahhahha!
Graf 08 Dec 2004
Noooo, I didn't do it. Besides, I've perfected an easy office version of toaster oven shrimp skewers, you silly. The stories that are coming out of this at work are crazy, though. Some really scary moments Monday night.
One of the things that's really awful is that a lot of the black and white photography we had has been destroyed. LaSalle has a huge collection and not all of it was in the vaults--a lot of it hangs in the building. I suppose we're lucky, though, that we're able to grouse about such things now that we know there were no lives lost.
Jpeg, I moved from 135 in July. I know you liked that building, but now I'm at 540 W. Madison. Does that building also get the thumbs up from you? It's completely different from 135. I liked working in a Jpeg approved building.
The REAL Graf 08 Dec 2004
Black and white photography... now even blacker! 540 W. Madison isn't ringing a bell. I'm bad with addresses. Is that near the bat column(tm) ? Looks like you're very close to skybridge and greektown.
Can't wait to see you next week.
jpeg 10 Dec 2004
Cargo Plane for GWB Crashes
Its almost never funny when a plane crashes, except this time.
There were no injuries and the plane had giant letters spelling EELECT GEORGE W BUSH on the side.
Any parallels to GWB's presidency are purely coincidental, with the crashing and sinking, and word mangling . ;-)
Comments
Awwww... that was the plane W's new Speak'n'Spell was coming in on. Please note Elect is spelled wrong! I hope this hurts some douchebag Republican in the wallet.
jpeg 05 Dec 2004
Mr jpeg.
It's not EElect, it's eElect.
This was the Diebold corporate jet delivering virtual ballots to Broward County
Die Bold.
Diebold 05 Dec 2004
The Spam is Out of Control
Just another heads up, kids. Comment and trackback spam is fucking out of control unbelievable. I deleted over a third of the comment table alone last night, all spam.
Changes are on the way.
Comments
Yeah, i noticed it shortly after the last fix that the reponse boards were again full of new shit. annoying
jpeg 04 Dec 2004
Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a developer.
What does this mean? In English?
Kirk 04 Dec 2004
kirk,
if you look at many of the old blogs, long after we've finished exchanging comments, some automated crawler has attatched linked posts for viagra, prescription drugs etc. to many of the blogs.
jpeg 04 Dec 2004
I didn't know you could post those links automatically... I've been typing all that shit in by hand
Figures. I never hear about anything.
Pazen 05 Dec 2004
International Male
I'm normally not one to put my friends on blast (especially if it's gonna screw up a good thing!), but I think all concerned should know that Karen and Roberta succumbed to the charms of a fashion forward stud when they were in LA. It was the shirt that did it...
Comments
Personally, I prefer men with more hair on their chest than mine, but that's just me!
liz 03 Dec 2004
Who, me? Drunk?
(you bitch...I am THIS close to publicly disclosing your real first name, B. Zena Burns!)
Karen 04 Dec 2004
Now that I'm looking at this again, you're right! Rayon *is* see-through!
Me Again 04 Dec 2004
Ok, I give up. Who is that?
Clueless Old Fart 04 Dec 2004
He's a simple guy notable only for the fact that he not only purchased, but also left the house in, that amazing shirt.
And Karen, I never said you were drunk! (Although I have some photos of you riding a mechanical bull that might prove otherwise...) I mean, that shirt would mesmerize even the most sober Sally. Now can it with the name ;-)
zb 04 Dec 2004
...I'm a model, y'know what I mean, and I shake my little tush on the catwalk...
jpeg's modeling academy 05 Dec 2004
Put your money where your heart is
Sounds like a pretty good plan to me. I've already tried to do this to the extent that I know about particular companies, but this site makes it pretty easy to see which company is on which side of the fence.
I actually wanted to do a site like this myself, but I haven't found the time. Now I don't have to, someone else did it for me. :-)
From the Choose Blue main page:
Comments
What's up with rent-to-own places and Dubya? Do Republicans like cheesy furniture more than Dems?
I fondly recall the jaguar-themed glass-and-brass coffee table available at the local Rent-A-Center in Athens, OH. Mwowr! Now that was Klassy-with-a-K, babee!
Even stranger, however, are the numbers for Fox. Humna wha?!?
andrew 02 Dec 2004
I think this campaign is relying on a couple of false assumptions. First, would the anonymous redirecting of consumer spending cause corporations rebudget their political spending/lobbying? Are their political budgets based on a percentage of profits or a set figure?
Secondly, just because a company supports the Dems doesn't mean they will be lobbying in the interests of the citizenry. The more political pull companies get, the more they will try to increase their profits by twisting legal code in their favor via their democrat buddies (think trial lawyers and trade unions).
Thirdly, assuming the campaign works and coporate money and cronism is solidly in the Dems favor, it may not be enough to put a dent in the GOPs fund raising. As hard as it may be to believe, when it comes to raising money, the GOP is much more grass-rootsy in that it gets a larger amount of personal donations from its party faithful (meaning the $1-$1000 donations allowed by campaign finance law) than do the Dems. The Democrats' bread and butter seems to come more from the George Soros-type mega donors.
As far as activist consumerism goes, I'm sticking with eating Ben and Jerry ice cream and not playing Sun City.
Gomez 02 Dec 2004
Dubya - The Movie
Gotta laugh to keep from cryin...
Brilliant in execution, a little disturbing that someone out there is that familiar with Don Knotts' catalog.
via defective yeti
Comments
Nonagon at the Bottom Lounge this Thursday
Well it looks like the swell folks at MP Productions and The Bottom Lounge liked us well enough to make us their Johnny-on-the-spot... no, not the portable toilet... Rather, a last minute addition to an AMAZING bill at The Bottom Lounge THIS WEEK!
The Bottom Lounge is located at 3206 N. Wilton (right underneath the Belmont Red/Brown line El Stop)
On Thursday, December 2nd, the doors will open at 8PM. Shortly after that, we (Nonagon) will play a set similar to the one we played a couple of weeks ago (unless we can throw together a surprise or two). I think that Behold! The Living Corpse is up next, then Pines, a local instrumental combo, and finally Big Business featuring ex-Karp and Murder City Devils members!
Oh yeah! To the left should be a snapshot of the (can I say "kick-ass"?) poster that Jay Ryan designed and Mat Daly printed for us. If you havent yet been to The Bird Machine, you are missing out.
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Message from the Vatican
The Vatican has announced that AIDS is the result of moral imunodifficiency and must be combated with "correct sexual practice."
How does an organization of pedophiles and men who've never had sex (wink) find themselves in a position to advise the world about their sexual practices?
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I Wanna Party With This Guy!
Sheryl Crow's stalker has the right idea:
"I was doing what I felt that she had telepathically told me to do," retired Navy Petty Officer Ambrose Kappos, 38, insisted yesterday, as testimony wound down in the weeklong Manhattan Supreme Court trial.
Kappos admitted he would try to "talk" to Crow by smoking pot and drinking two or more gallons of water, so as to super-hydrate himself into an "ecstatic state."
Here's the full scoop, for your mind-altering pleasure.
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Bush names Kellogg CEO to head Commerce Dept.
BUSH: "He's grrrrrreat!"
Comments
"He knows exactly what it takes to make American businesses grow and create jobs," Bush said.
Yet while as Kellogg CEO, he closed the south operations of its Battle Creek cereal plant and eliminate approximately 550 jobs.
Via DalyKOS
gil 29 Nov 2004
just in time for the holidays
via veer
Comments
Ha!
This had me in stitches!
sewer 29 Nov 2004
Just to let everyone know, my mother was murdered
Just to let everyone know, she's 16 and they (her and her two 24 year old boyfriends} have been charged with Mom's murder, conspiracy and a bunch of other stuff.
She had a blog which , last time I looked, had about 5,000 responses posted just to this one post about mom
Here's the police report.
via glassdog
Q sez, if I did this I'd be grounded for a month...
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Let's call the whole thing off
Bush searching for Bin Laden is kinda like OJ searching for Nicole's real killer.
Now that the country re-elected the man who will make us all safer, why bother looking for the man who will make us all suffer?
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Happy Turkey Day!
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Suffer the Children...
The demonization of gay parents in this country is out of all proportion to who regularly endangers and harms children; Christian fanatics.
* Last week in Plano Texas, A mom and dad showed up at their church telling the priest that God wanted them to sacrifice some of their children. They're getting closer to God in jail this week.
* Two days ago a woman down here cut off her baby's arms. The baby died, but mom has a great excuse: She quoted Bible scripture and told her hubby she wanted to "give her children to God."
Ever heard of a gay parent slicing their kid up because the big gay leader telepathically ordered them to? Can you imagine the rain of political horseshit that would follow just one gay parent hurting or killing their child like this?
No public outrage or reactionary legislation for Christians though.
Comments
"Ever heard of a gay parent slicing their kid up because the big gay leader telepathically ordered them to?"
No, but I have heard of a gay single guy bludgeoning boys, killing them, having sex with the corpse, then cutting them up and eating the remains: Jeffery Dahmer. Maybe marriage and a couple of kids would have mellowed him out.
LKJ 24 Nov 2004
pegboy, each of these are isolated incidents - it's one thing to say that "christians" should ease up on gay parents, but to try to draw a parallel to the lack of public uproar over these gruesome acts when there is so much animosity towards gays is a push.
the parents you mention are freaks, whose problems extend way beyond their "faith." Dahmer, well, I won't touch that one with a twenty foot battle lance.
I'm willing to bet that the more normal church-going types are all praying for those kids in churches across the country, and it's being mentioned as one of the "let us pray for..." invocations.
The larger problem that you mention extends way beyond gay parents - I was amazed to hear the stats for hate crimes against minorities this week. We take for granted that minorities - belonging to racial or sexual minority groups - still face discrimination each day in this country.
I was even more surprised to watch the Larry Elders show last night, where he interviewed a few black women who mistrusted whites so much that it sounded like pure racism...
sadly, this country has a long way to go - so don't hold your breath while waiting for ANY group to gain acceptance. Good thing we have such a uniter in charge, eh?
pazen 25 Nov 2004
Pazen, so well written!! good job.
Carmella 08 Dec 2004
U.S. Rejects Ukraine Election Results
How can anyone not see the irony in this:
In a news briefing at the State Department, Secretary of State Colin L. Powell delivered a sharp rebuke to the Ukrainian authorities who today declared Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych the winner of a run-off election Sunday that Ukrainian protesters and foreign observers said was marred by fraud.
"We cannot accept this result as legitimate, because it does not meet international standards and because there has not been an investigation of the numerous and credible reports of fraud and abuse," Powell said.
Read the story at washingtonpost.com
Comments
Ukraine is weak.
kramer 24 Nov 2004
Silly Gil, fraud only occurs in non-white majorities and non-capitalist cultures. Pay no attention to US destabilization activities and just buy into our morally pure viewpoint.
jpeg 24 Nov 2004
Truth in Advertising
Have you seen the commercial with the cool Samsonite rolly suitcase? It's got this great Bossa Nova song that I would love to have. Since you can find anything on the internet(s) I attempted to look it up. Didn't find the song title I was looking for, but I did find a commercial for the U.S. Navy uses the Godsmack song "Sick of Life". Well chosen, Navy!
props: Cheekychk
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the performer is Rosalia deSouza and the CD is Garota Moderna, trak 2 "bossa 31"
p 03 Dec 2004
the performer is Rosalia deSouza and the CD is Garota Moderna, trak 2 "bossa 31"
p 03 Dec 2004
Thanks for the tip on Rosalia deSouza and Garota Moderna..and while similar, Bossa 31 is most definitely NOT the track used as the soundtrack of the US version of the Samsonite Spinners commercial.
Nice samba/bossa sounds though.
DAP 10 Dec 2004
re: the samsonite song.....did you find out the name yet? i can't get it out of my head either. it's been on the travel channel a lot during the world poker tour, in case you want to tivo it. please post and email me if you have any more info on the song, and i will do the same as i try to figure it out.
-jp
big lammy 28 Dec 2004
Missed opportunities
Just a cautionary tale for anyone who flies with any frequency - so I was coming home to NYC after being in LA for Celebutante Smackdown 2004, and just as I'm going through the first security checkpoint, the guard stops me because I have three carryons (rollaboard, small messenger bag, purse) instead of two. Seriously, it was NOT a big deal. The messenger bag was not that big, and this is the same set of luggage I always travel with. Plus, I was going through a Premier member checkpoint, so it's like, cut your best customers a little slack, kimosabe! The guy makes me sit on the floor and consolidate my messenger bag into my rollaboard, which was pretty humiliating to do in public. So I'm sitting on the floor with dirty panties literally hanging off me when fucking William Shatner and his wife come through the checkpoint with even more luggage than I had! And the guard is not only kissing his ass, he's also gently tonguing it! He's all, "We're very happy to beam you to your destination today, Mr. Shatner!" And why, WHY did I not call him out on the additional luggage? I need to work on being a bigger bitter bitch.
(P.S. I sat next to this really awesome guy in Business when Shat, who insisted on wearing sunglasses to disguise his awesome celebrity until he got onto the plane, was in First, and every time we went to the loo, which was between Business and First, we'd be all, "::cough cough:: tribble ::cough cough:: Scotty." I would have left the guy in peace if not for the luggage thing. He didn't play ball. Whatever.)
Comments
Maybe you should use Priceline next time...
Spock 22 Nov 2004
Don't mess with those TSA folks.
Personally, I think TJ Hooker references would have been more biting.
And don't forget, Shat is past tense of Shit. Thus the activity in the loo.
Your Vulcan Mind 23 Nov 2004
R&B Roadkill
Comments
She really *is* a survivor!
karen 22 Nov 2004
No lip synching there!
Not.
Chuck 22 Nov 2004
Can I get a what-what for the low-tech users?... (Explain please, it's a bandwidth thing.)
jpeg 22 Nov 2004
It's a clip of Destiny's Child performing "live" on some TV show. They come strutting out at the opening of the song, one of them turns her high-heeled ankle and goes down, Beyonce and the other one look like deer in headlights but remember to get their mikes near their mouths just as the "singing" starts. You can almost hear them thinking "Ashlee, Ashlee!"
Chuck 22 Nov 2004
And the truly amazing part about the whole thing is not so much that they're using a backing track - that's standard Destiny's Child issue - but that they didn't stop to help Michelle up! Beyonce didn't even look, and Kelly was like, "Oh well!"
zena 22 Nov 2004
The NRA will blame this on the criminal...
I guess this guy could have killed with a plain old shotgun, but would as many people have died if he DIDN'T have an assault weapon?
When youre hunting you dont expect somebody to try to shoot you and murder you, he said. You have no idea who is coming up to you.
Tranlated to city speak, that would read "When you're sitting on your porch with your 8-year-old, you dont expect somebody to drive by to shoot you and murder you...
I blame Tom DeLay and George Bush
Comments
Eddie Izzard: "The NRA of course says, 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people..." Well the gun seem to help! I don't think someone walking around with his finger pointed saying BANG would do quite as much damage."
jpeg 22 Nov 2004
Apparently he needed his semiautomatic rifle to kill all the "superdeer" that are out in the woods.
"I don't have to be careful, I have a gun"-Homer J.
nora 22 Nov 2004
The Exciting World of Cup Stacking
There's a new x-treme sport on the block, cup stacking. Nearly as dumb as the urban hipster sport of free-running, Cup Stacking invovles taking twelve specially designed plastic cups and arranging them into various pyramids in the shortest possible time. Okay, I know that sounds exactly like the plot of the movie Cocktail, but, trust me, this is way more entertaining. Just jump to the video page and check out the video of Emily Fox's world record (7.43 seconds) cup stack. While you're there, watch the "What Is Cup Stacking" video. By the end of the clip, you too will be convinved that cup stacking, in addition to promoting bilateral proficiency, will make your love-life richer, cure male-pattern baldness, end the turmoil in the Mid-East and, God willing, bring back the 59 cent menu at Taco Bell.
Comments
Videos of this activity have been floating around the web for the past couple of years. There was actually a front-page story in the Wall Street Journal a couple weeks ago on the guy that started this company, and how some educators are wiggin' out because schools are starting to replace real phys. ed. with this shite.
C'mon, let's whip some red rubber balls at each others' heads! What was ever wrong with that?
(Gomez, free-running is pretty Euro-trash gay, but don't be fuckin' with The Beautiful Game.)
andrew 22 Nov 2004
A goofy rant and a tangent follows:
Hey, all sports are pretty retarded (IMHO sports are the idiot's version of drama), but each can have it's moments. I can't believe the hours I've wasted watching poker lately, and that teeters on the brink of being Plinko with sunglasses. But soccer.. com'on. A team can have an insurmountable 1-to-nothing lead?!?
I give you the example of video game versions of the sport (of which I am far more familiar with than real human activity). As a bonus, most hockey simulations give players the chance to brawl, NBA games have shattered backboards and trash talking, but what do they let you do to give that extra edge of realism in the FIFA series? You can hit a button to make your player pretend he's hurt. Yeeaaaah! Yellow card! You sure showed Dieter who he's messin' with!
This said, the FIFA series is generally the best sports video game to play (I'll kick any one's ass in FIFA 99 any day). My closed-minded reasoning as to why this is the case is that soccer is so devoid of intricate strategy it translates well as an arcade-like experience. If it weren't for power plays, ice hockey would be about the same. However, the puck and play moves way too fast. You hardly feel like you are actually effecting the outcome of the game.
I do respect Pele though. Anyone who can get Max von Syndow to give a standing ovation by doing a bicycle kick is tops in my book. And I just bought Shaolin Soccer on DVD which should count for something in Futbol cred.
Gomez 22 Nov 2004
Less FIFA (besides, haven't you heard EA is a sweatshop?), more EPL. Get thee to Fox Sports World.
For your consideration, the Greatest Goal of All Time. Ryan Giggs scores for Manchester United in extra time, a man down, vs. Arsenal in the 1999 FA Cup semi-final replay. (That's right, the first match ended in a draw after extra time, so they play it AGAIN.) It still gives me goosebumps. (I guess that's that idiot's drama you're referring to...)
Pele, unfortunately, has turned into a bureaucratic hack. See How Soccer Explains The World.
andrew 23 Nov 2004
I kept staying at home and shopping online during Christmas.
I had ordered many gifts for my friends, include Cosmetics & Perfume, magazines. I really like this magazine website.
sarah 28 Dec 2004
Worst Case Scenario
I'll take nuclear war for 800, Alex
Isn't life a bitch? The world is going to end. You don't even have to be a religious fundamentalist to see that's true.
Some people collect postal stamps; Exit Mundi collects scenarios of what could go wrong with the world. Sure, our planet could get hit by an asteroid. But hey, that's nothing. Did you know we could all be munched away by hungry molecules? Or that our physicists could unintentionally wipe us all out while tinkering with particles? `Oops, sorry...'
I'm sure our intrepid House8 readers could concoct their own gory end-time scenarios, but these guys have done all the thinking for us...
Comments
The site seems to be lacking a Pure Human Idiocy category. Like extremists who think that starting armageddon is a terrific idea if humanity won't convert to (Islam, Christianity... insert any arrogant, narrow-minded form of zealotry here) Or the team of physicists that's attempting to construct a black hole in a lab in upstate new york.
spacepeg 19 Nov 2004
TiVo Will No Longer Skip Past Advertisers
By March, TiVo viewers will see "billboards," or small logos, popping up over TV commercials as they fast-forward through them, offering contest entries, giveaways or links to other ads. If a viewer "opts in" to the ad, their contact information will be downloaded to that advertiser exclusively and by permission only so even more direct marketing can take place.
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Bleh.
andrew 17 Nov 2004
This is sort of like the banks bringing us all along on using ATMs (cash anywhere! lower costs means savings for the customer!) and then slipping in a fee here and a fee there until there's no end in sight.
A pox on TiVo. And a pox on the advertisers who bother the people who obviously don't want the messaging
QTip 17 Nov 2004
huzzah! that's more money for me!
random capitalist 17 Nov 2004
Quote of the day/next 4 years
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."
-H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
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You talkin' to me? You must be talkin' to me, I don't see any other moron's around?
George W Bush 17 Nov 2004
Separated at Birth
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Mmhmmm...the dark side...strong in this one it is.
My sister she is not.
yoda 16 Nov 2004
Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese
Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary on eBay
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If I'm seeing her right, she looks more like Sissy Spacek. By the way even non-miracle grilled cheeses are terrific with cotton balls.
Satan 16 Nov 2004
it ain't easy, being cheesy
chester cheetah 16 Nov 2004
My tomato soup looks like the stigmata.....What can I get for that (besides now the obvious burning in hell)???
nora 17 Nov 2004
you know what the best part of the auction is....
Shipping insurance
US $0.55 Required
wtf???
motero 17 Nov 2004
Zena Makes Page Six!
I couldn't be more proud. My high school best friend and fellow House8 Member got beat up by an out-of-control wasted Bijou Phllips this weekend at the Teen People post-AMA party in L.A. The good news is, she's recovering nicely from BijouGate. The even better news is she made Page Six. Thanks for inviting me, Z!
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Thanks for the hook up Zena. Much enjoyed.
And in the cool-name-chick-thunderdome, my money is on you!
kristin 16 Nov 2004
Shit-yo, Zena. Can't you leave a sister be? How is a no-talent celeb rehab-bunny-2-b supposed to get her groove on when you're butting in and trying to "calm things down"? I'll say it again, Fuck you, too!
Bijou 16 Nov 2004
I know, I know. What was I thinking? Surely, the bouncer you bit regrets butting in, too...
zena 18 Nov 2004
Burns It Up on Page Six
Zena Gets Slapped By Bijou Phillips!!!!!!
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Terrifying Crap
Looks like an old iXL favorite has started up again. New(ish) listings are appearing on Disturbing Auctions.com!
I am without words for this ceramic piece which I am calling shit-faced baby with elephantitus. Your old favorites like Flamboyant Clown and Really Ugly Witch Doll are still there.
Make this the worst Xmas ever with a gift from Disturbing Auctions.com!
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Wholly Crap! Now I know what scared me emotionaly as a child. I actually had this doll: http://www.disturbingauctions.com/view.php?item=12
He had a whistle that you put in his McHole and if you punched him really hard in the McNugget area he blew it!
liz 16 Nov 2004
Adult Novelty or DogGy tReaT ?
Play the sexy new game that's sweeping the web-nation.
(Please... you must be over 21 or a dog to play!)
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Nonagon at the Bottom Lounge this Wednesday
Come see Nonagon's Chicago debut this Wednesday the 17th at the Bottom Lounge (3206 N. Wilton, just underneath the Belmont Red Line "El" stop). The show starts at 8pm, and we're the first band to play. The other two bands are Ed Gein and Breather Resist (The former is self-described as intricate spazz-metal. Oh boy).
Just to refresh your memory: Nonagon is a Chicago punk rock band comprised of Tony Aimone (the ex-Blue Meanie mentioned in the show announcements), Robert Gomez (a one-time lugoman), and John Hastie (who was in a band called Jumpknuckle a long time ago).
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Get Well $oon! Love, Haliburton
Dick Cheney is recovering from another episode.
This time it's shortness of breath.
Rigging an election must be exhausting.
Although Satan showed up to claim Cheney's soul, he was sent away and told he'll just have to wait like everyone else.
Comments
Maybe he just needs an oil change.
Unghnghghgh! Bloodless Cyborg Cheney ANGRY!
andrew 14 Nov 2004
maybe they're mapping his genes to produce an invincible army of sneering Republicans.
jpeg 14 Nov 2004
I can't die - haven't had a heart for years.
oh, yeah - go fuck yourselves
dick cheney 14 Nov 2004
One would think that maybe after say your third heart attack that you would stop smoking and start working out. It took FOUR heart attacks to get him to finally stop smoking and start working out.
I just wish they would stop rebuilding this Haliburton 10 Million Dollar Man.
nora 15 Nov 2004
R.I.P. O.D.B.!
Ol' Dirty Bastard is dead! He died today while recording in the studio. He would have been 36 Monday!
It seems like only yesterday he was interrupting the Grammys.
Please Wu-Tang your name in his memory.
Comments
why do interesting people like this have to die so young while old heartless creeps like our vp continue to drain the earth?
heard the news this morning - I wonder if the real sweet baby jeeesus is having a word with him about using his name.
oh, yeah... I used to run as the mighty paz... now, call me Promiscuous Protestah.
Promiscuous Protestah 14 Nov 2004
Christian Activists, Plan B: Threats
The disintegration of the right is proceeding on schedule. Never having developed social skills, zealots are busy wearing out their welcome.
Christian evangelicals are worried their support for the president might not translate into the instant influence they expected and that their power could be short-lived, given that a number of Republicans who support abortion rights and gay rights are positioning themselves to run in 2008.
(Nelson Muntz: HA ha!)
Some evangelicals warn that the GOP will pay a price in future elections if its leaders do not deliver.
(Talk about empty threats. Somehow I don't see these goofballs throwing their votes away on liberals, to make a point. Sorry nut-jobs, yer stuck with the same lousy 2-party options the liberals have!)
In a letter to Bush sent after the election Bob Jones III, president of the Christian conservative Bob Jones University, urged Bush to eject moderates from the White House: "If you have weaklings around you who do not share your biblical values, shed them. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ."
Comments
I don't recall God ever telling his flocks to be assholes when working for his goals.
half-zealot 13 Nov 2004
biblical values? g-dummy doesn't even go to church! Goofy christians, this administration played you - they used you to get elected, they don't care about jeeesus, they only care about money.
mary cheney 13 Nov 2004
Thank You Mary Cheney - for stating the obvious(just goes to show how easily '_some_' people can be manipulated). Fool '_some_' of the people all of the time.
Cliff 22 Nov 2004
Thank You Mary Cheney - for stating the obvious(just goes to show how easily '_some_' people can be manipulated). Fool '_some_' of the people all of the time.
Cliff 22 Nov 2004
Thank You Mary Cheney - for stating the obvious(just goes to show how easily '_some_' people can be manipulated). Fool '_some_' of the people all of the time.
Cliff 22 Nov 2004
so you hate bumper stickers?
try one of these...
via Fred G, part of the Bristol, RI mafia. I was privvy to their nefarious scheme to paste these to cars in red states while zipping along on Segways. Be on the lookout for nerdbot hippy liberals
Comments
The main idea behind these stickers/magnets is to re-enfranchise oursleves with the help of the little things that the "Red States" hold as "Red State Values": You know, like "Pride in America", troop support and , god forbid, the American flag. It's small and grass roots-y, but why should we be the defensive run-away-monkeys when we see that sort of stuff during the morning commute or or at the kids ballet recital?
Get these magnets printed, and get them diseminated (either by selling and giving out) or by peeling the regular ones off cars and replacing them with the slightly subversive versions. But keep in mind, the Bible Gut does not get nor appreciates sarcasm and irony, it smacks of Northeast elite, and we don't want to further polarize!
Thanks to Ryan for magnet idea and Jenbot for the push.
jc 13 Nov 2004
Playah won't be Livin Large...
Scott Peterson was found guilty today. It seemed like he was going to get off. He has two options: life in prison or the death penalty.
I'm a baddy!
(and a thoroughly inept criminal.)Comments
note to self: when using "went fishin'" as an alibi, KNOW THE FISH YOU WERE OUT TO CATCH. I thought he'd get the OJ Get Out of Jail Free card, but big thumbs up to the Jury.
What a scumbag - if he wanted to get with someone else, he could have asked for a divorce, instead of resorting to murder.
cracker 12 Nov 2004
Did Scott Petersen watch any made for tv movies about killing your spouse and getting away with it.
Hope Amber Frye was worth it....
nora 12 Nov 2004
He was speeding toward Mexico with a new color 'do and a new goatee... in his brother's car with his brother's license... 10 grand and loose jewels in the back... videos, tools, borrowed credit cards... disguises
I'm wondering how the conversation went at the Peterson house...
"Mom, Dad, listen... it's over with me and Laci. We're not coming for Christmas this year and you can forget about grandkids. I'm going to Mexico for ah, a while. And can you lend me 10 Large?"
Fire up the BBQ, Ahhhhhhhnold.
QTip 12 Nov 2004
And let's not forget he tried to buy something (a car?) with his mothers credit card insisting his name was Jacqui...
jpeg 12 Nov 2004
Why do we care about this case? I am so fucking tired of this shit. Please just go away now.
andrew 12 Nov 2004
Only in America
Indiana Pacers forward Ron Artest said Wednesday that he asked coach Rick Carlisle for time off because of a busy schedule that included promoting a soon-to-be released rap album, which led to his two-game benching.
Wonder if we could get feedback from the TOG...
via cnn
Comments
Reason #2954 the NBA is full