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Interesting way to handle telemarketers:
a great phone prank.

“Land of the six word motto”

Even after being mocked, England continues its search for a 6-word motto that sums up the whole British experience. Various sites here have asked what a 6-word motto for the U.S. would be. Here's a very long, pretty funny page of suggestions:

"I Can’t Believe It’s Not Democracy"
"Still Using Fahrenheit, Feet, and Gallons"
“Land of the six word motto”
"What can we screw up next?"
"Hubris: it’s not just for Greeks!"
"All your oil belong to us"
“That looks nice. It’s mine now”
“stop me before I kill again”
"I'm sorry, do I know you"
"Press one to proceed in English"
“Smart equals faggy, dumb it down”

Olan Mills Blog

Nothing like a collection of regrettable family photos, with loads of snark, natch.

Man...? or old lesbian?

For a long time, I noted that lesbians start to resemble Roger Ebert as they age. Well, now there's a blog called men who look like old lesbians.com. Keep clicking "Older Posts" as you reach the bottom of the page... wait till you get to Ric Ocasek and Christopher Walken.

Or, you may prefer hot chicks with douchebags.com.

dumb signs

...and other gems

Rectum? Damn near killed 'um!

Brits, prepare to spit-take your Earl Grey:

More Comic Boners

Daily Knee-Slapper

If there were Pulitzers for headlines....

"Brittany Spears Files for Divorce
K-Fed is now Fed-Ex"

The Superficial Friends

Ow! Use of irony! Hurting my brain!

[via Phillyist]

Pazen is a Whiteboy

But, of course, we already knew that.

Continue reading "Pazen is a Whiteboy" »

Hey Luke

Steely Dan writes a letter to Luke Wilson...

[via Ken W.]

Halliburton wins no-bid contract to reconstruct Cheney's reputation

This is pretty funny:

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1324&srch=

2,002 Honest Fonts

From now on, I'm doing everything in "Retardeder."

Places I've Seen Kevin Bacon, Dooming My Relationships

And on the 8th day God created Porn

An atheist student organization shook things up in Texas with their clubs promotion table: "Porn for Bibles."
Too funny.

"Do you think I’m pretty?"

A bunch of phony post-nomination-withdrawal, follow-up memos to the Prez from Harriet Miers.

Am I just juvenile?

Or is this headline kinda funny?

George Bush: presidency in free-fall

Check this out before the Secret Service makes the guy take it down.

Freefall

Endless hours of entertainment. :-)

Missing something?

I didn't believe it when I heard about it, but then my friend/co-woker Mike told me, "There are two things I never joke about sir! The White Sox and seeing hot pink vibrators laying on a roof."

"Holy crap that's a lotta blinkin'!"

Oh, we laugh to keep from crying...

(Thanks Pazen sibling!)

Rusty Wallace Shows Danza Who's Boss

ESPN has the classic footage of Rusty Wallace taking out Tony Danza in a promotional go-kart race, causing him to flip over a tire barrier and nearly split his melon again.

"I thought, my last year of racing, I killed Tony Danza." -- Rusty Wallace

treat your mother right

Check out this 1984 video where Mr. T does a shout out for mother's everywhere. I pity the fool that doesn't like a man w/ a hundred pounds of bling in coochie-cutters singing about his mother.

Gere in pro-election ad in Middle-east.

"Hi, I'm Richard Gere and I'm speaking for the entire world ( ! ). We're with you during this election time. It's really important. Get out and vote," Gere says in the English-language advertisement. He repeats the phrase, "Get out and vote" in Arabic.

But many voters, already struggling with the labyrinthine politics of the West Bank and Gaza, say they have never heard of the actor, and were even less interested when they were told he's an American.

"I don't even know who the candidates are other than Abu Mazen, let alone this Gere," Gaza soap factory worker Manar an-Najar told Reuters Wednesday. "We don't need American intervention. We know who to elect. Not like them - they elected a moron."

Cargo Plane for GWB Crashes

It�s almost never funny when a plane crashes, except this time.

There were no injuries and the plane had giant letters spelling �EELECT GEORGE W BUSH� on the side.

Any parallels to GWB's presidency are purely coincidental, with the crashing and sinking, and word mangling . ;-)

Via MSNBC

Dubya - The Movie

Gotta laugh to keep from cryin...

Brilliant in execution, a little disturbing that someone out there is that familiar with Don Knotts' catalog.

via defective yeti

Happy Turkey Day!

Adult Novelty or DogGy tReaT ?

Play the sexy new game that's sweeping the web-nation.
(Please... you must be over 21 or a dog to play!)

DogToyorMaritalAid.com

George Bush and Dick Cheney are gay lovers!

George Bush proclaimed on Wednesday, after winning the election by the lowest margin ever for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916, the he and Dick Cheney have a "Man Date".

I guess after all the gay bashing from John Kerry and the Liberals in this election, the term "Gay" got kind of tarnished, so George W. Bush is using his new term: "Man Date".

I guess in four years those damned liberals will be "Man Date" bashing instead of gay bashing.

(sorry jpeg, I couldn't resist)

btw... I know that they are using "Mandate" to mean something entirely different, but it's funnier if you say "Man Date" instead of Mandate.

Weapons of Mass...Seduction!

Lie Girls - Call now, they'll tell you exactly what you want to hear!

These girls pose a grave and gathering threat... to your pants.

Call or Click Now!

http://www.liegirls.com

Please, don't vote for our cousin!

"Bush Relatives for Kerry" grew out of a series of conversations that took place between a group of people that have two things in common: they are all related to George Walker Bush, and they are all voting for John Kerry...

...We invite you to read our stories, and please, don't vote for our cousin!

If his own relatives are smart enough to not vote for George W. Bush, why would anyone vote for him?

http://www.bushrelativesforkerry.com

Jon Stewart Bitchslaps CNN's 'Crossfire' Show

That's right, Jon Stewart will probably never be invited back on CNN, or possibly any other cable news network show ever again.

On today's episode Jon Stewart tells it like it really is

Order your own copy of it on DVD here. Make sure you specify the show name "Crossfire" and the show topic "Jon Stewart's America".

Andrew also pointed me to the BitTorrent here

While you're waiting for it to download, read the full transcripts here

Summer Vacation at Burning Man

The rednecks explained that the Burning Men always ran out of food, and there was nothing better than watching a hungry vegetarian eat deer.

Britney's Wedding Registry

Some CHOICE items you can buy Britney Spears and Kevin Federline for their upcoming nuptials:

� "Making Your Second Marriage A First-Class Success" self-help book
� Condysil Creme Genital Wart Treatment
� "Garden Gnome Drop Drawers" figurines

Come on people, go crazy. Brit's wedding is no time to cheap out!
(via Zena)

Hey Crackhead

YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?

via neoflux

Let 'em rip with Flat-D

The world's only flatulence deodorizer pad that you place in your underwear.

Testimonials speak for themselves:
"What a wonderful product. I can fart and not really have to worry. Great."

For dogs, too!

Oh Yes Wyoming!

Jerry Seinfeld teams up with The Man of Steel to hawk American Express in an online-only campaign. The usual Seinfeld hilarity ensues, if you're into that sort of thing. No confirmation, but I'm fairly sure that's Puddy doing Superman.

Be sure to sing-a-long...

Boy Finds Police Radio, Makes Fake Calls for Months

"I think he just got a kick out of being on the police radio and talking to us," Brandon said. "Maybe he's infatuated with the police. Maybe one of these days, he'll become a police officer."

Triumph Insults Canadians

Conan O'brien took his show and Triumph the insult comic dog to Canada...only to insult them.

In the skit, a beret-wearing Triumph was seen visiting the Quebec carnival where several locals appeared distinctly unamused by his grouchy remarks.

"So you're French and Canadian, yes? So you're obnoxious and dull," the puppet told one passerby. "You're in North America, learn the language," he hollered at another.

And to one rotund man, Triumph suggested he might want to separate himself from doughnuts for awhile.

View the video

fhqwhgads! (Everybody to the limit...)

I think you're all more current on your Strong Bad clips than I am, but here's one I laughed over. The hand claps are a riot.
Everybody to the limit.

church signs. write 'em!

be your blasphemous self!

Reviews of Orwell's 1984 from Amazon

Reviewer: Sheri from greensboro, north carolina
DON'T READ THIS BOOK. i know it's suposed to be a "classic" but god it is awful. first of all its NOTHING like the future is probly going to turn out. second of all every one says the aurthor george orwell is so trippy and wierd but i think he's just trying to cover up for the fact that HE CAN'T WRITE. please george do us all a faver and stop writing books.

(your wish was granted, back in 1950!)

Reviewer: domingo from walla wallla, WA
The book itself is uninterestring and the text is plain like water... It shows how totalitarianism works and how it feels to always be watched. All of my friends that read this book said the same thing, "Boring!" Students that are into more action and adventure will not enjoy this book.

(Makes me want to go read it again.)

Barney Cam II: Barney Reloaded

Despite their unapologetically unilateralist global poicies, the administration has put together a funny little movie featuring that loveable little scamp and everyone's favorite first dog, Barney. Watch as Barney struggles to get the White House decorated on time for Christmas.

via gothamist.com

Google Trick

Go to Google and type "miserable failure" into the search box. Hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" search button and see what the result is...

Turn to Objective for an Objective Christian Perspective

Oh fer fucks sake, where do we begin? This is perhaps one of the greatest sites EVER. Do not visit until you've got about an hour to kill and are wearing some sort of protection against urinating yourself.

Not to be missed: The Brainwash 'em Early Section, featuring Habu the Hindu elephant, saddened by his inability to keep track of his many gods, and (I'm not kidding) Hopsiah the Kanga-Jew.

Is it ironic that this site's Objective to reclaim Halloween sounds like a Landover Baptist article, a site they are also trying to shut down? (Rallying cry: "He didn't give his life to be mocked.")

Enjoy...

The unsaved youths today with their Power Rangers and Peekachoos and other secular heros they see on TV are very enamored with "make believe" and "role playing". This is one of the reasons that Halloween keeps getting more popular every year since it allows them to dress up as their heros. Satan uses these seemingly innocent secular costumes (often cheaply purchased in local retail stores) as gate-way costumes for the more blatantly occult garb: witches, monsters, demons, Darth Mauls, and the like.

LATEBREAKING UPDATE: DO NOT miss the extra-creepy Baby Jesus (Speakers on, kiddies!)

Please, someone confirm this is all a joke...

via Jimmy Chan

christmas spirit-get it here

http://www.gdd.net/bkholiday/index.php

Safety Charts from India

Vintage health and safety posters from India. Someone just HAS to buy the book.

Poop

Eagerly awaiting the much anticipated Come Poop With Me album, I ran across 'For me to poop on!' which conviently allows you to 'poop' on any web site you choose. Happy pooping!

What's in a Name? Everything When the Name is Butt

A British couple have been forced to move house because of the shame caused by the name of their street -- Butt Hole Road.

Penn on Roy

Believe me, I'm no threat to Roy, but at least I tried a little. Yup, I'm wearing leather pants.

Angle-Grinder Man: Wheel-clamp Superhero/Vigilante

Anyone need a Halloween costume idea?

Stealth Disco

Ah, the one major drawback of working from home; no more office hijinx...

Whoever started this deserves a medal.

UPDATE: More office hijnx.

via boing boing