Fluffernutter? I hardly know her!

There's an awesome media page on the Fluff site dedicated to the glory of a Fluffernutter sandwich. Try playing all the files at once for a surreal experience.

In an effort to put the CHRIST!!! back in Christmas:

Not for the squeamish:

http://hunterspec.com/indexVideoFlashPro.cfm?vidFile=BUTT_OUTNEW.flv&vidWidth=320&vidHeight=240

For the Mother-In Law who has everything.

T is for Texas, D is for Death

Clown Meat!

80% pork. 20% face. Preservatives and colour. Yum!

Mellified Man

Two Words: Band Name.

I now know how I want to go out. Eatin', shittin' and swimmin' in honey.

Top ten British Pickup Lines

...have been published. Not since Prince Charles wished he was Camilla's tampon has a come-on been such a turn-off. Apparently British gals have a taste for horrible, cornball pickup lines.

4 samples:
- "Didn't it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
- "The only things your eyes haven't told me is your name."
- Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
- "You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day."

This stuff actually gets a pasty, brown-toothed Brit to third base? I can't believe reproduction actually occurs in the U.K. The best reply to these is to punch the guy.

Your Tax Dollars At Work

As expected, more photos from Abu Ghraib (or, as Dubya prefers, "Aboo Gareff") are all over the Internets. They are burly.

Guardian Unlimited

uruknet.info

Yet another G.O.P. freak

A December recall election is underway for loathsome, self-hating male-on-male closet-pedophile-Republican-sleazebag Spokane Mayor Jim West (above) who has decades of hateful, anti-gay legislation behind him and was nailed in a sting operation set up by a local paper.

When Chimps Attack II

Fred Durst shows you his 'O' face (WARNING: Spyware-laden link. Proceed at your own risk. Thanks, Nora).

WARNING: NSFW. Actually, not safe for anyone with the gift of sight.

More
everywhere
else.

Thank you, Smoking Gun...

...for Bill O'Reilly's sex-capades, hot off the presses. Seriously, this goes into really graphic details about the douchebag's low-rent Caribbean vacation fantasies. Not for the faint of heart.
(via Zena, who got a great reaction out of Ludacris)

600-Pound Woman Dies After Being Surgically Removed From Couch

It happened late Tuesday night and early Wednesday morning at the home of a 600-pound woman who was having trouble breathing. Rescuers went in not knowing how difficult it would be to get her out. 40-year-old Gail Grinds was literally stuck to her couch and had to be removed surgically at the hospital.

Authorities estimate she had been on the couch anywhere from two to five years.

Tourists get pooped on

Sightseers trying to enjoy a Chicago Architecture Foundation river tour Sunday afternoon discovered the true meaning of poop deck when they were splattered by raw sewage dumped from a tour bus on the Kinzie Street Bridge.

---

In other poop related news, the Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog DVD has been released.

Pork4Kids!

Kiddie Pork

I don't know how to explain this but you should totally check out your pork IQ.

I brought home some friends from the campsite!

Chiggers first show up as annoying red bumps. An itch begins. It grows. More hard red welts surface. From your feet and ankles upward, and especially at those tender locations your mother told not to scratch in public, a maddening itch takes hold.

Savage scratching begins. Every welt becomes a persistent, exquisitely itching preoccupation that continues to irritate for days and even weeks. You probably recognize these symptoms of chigger bites. Yet we never see the culprits responsible for this summertime agony. What are chiggers? Why do they bite us? How can we stop that horrible itching?

More Salad Mayhem

In the continuing effort to promote the Adkins diet, some retaurants are adding a twist to the boring old salad. Mmm! Other fixin's include "hair noodles" and Spicy Bile Sauce.

"Sewage Blending"

That's the term waste treatment plants use when referring to the practice of releasing partially treated waste into waterways during rainy weather and large snow melts. The restrictions on the practice have been loosened by a Bush administration EPA policy change, who claim that not doing it actually results in bigger problems.

That's like saying if you don't drink yourself blind, you'll just shoot heroin. So while we're blowing five kagillion dollars in Iraq every day and sending remote control trucks to Mars, the EPA is finding ways to make it even more convenient for all of us to get E. coli, Giardia and salmonella. Environmental Protection, indeed.

According to the article in today's Chicago Tribune, sewage spills into Lake Michigan were responsible for 130 beach closings in Chicago and 178 in Lake County last summer. Proponents of the practice say it helps limit waste backups into property and worse spills during bad weather, and the only way to fix the problem is to spend billions of dollars on upgrades. Hmmmm...

Now, I know this is a very complex issue (I encourage you to read the article, because there is a lot to consider), and there's a lot of science that I'll never understand going on here. But aren't we smart enough to build systems that can handle these situations without having to release even partially treated sewage back into our own water supply? Bleh. I mean, we got guys that can make a plane disappear fer fuck's sake!

Janet's Boob, Justin's a Boob

All time low in television.

Eeew.

A 175 lb tumor was successfully removed from a woman in Romania. Thankfully, there's no photo gallery, but the Discovery Channel funded the operation in exchange for the film rights.

Nice one, Discovery Channel. Please let me know when that's gonna be on so I can be watching something else.

Woman's Skin Falls Off, Miraculously Survives

By all accounts, Sarah Yeargain shouldn't be alive. But she is and some are calling it a medical miracle.

Three weeks ago, the skin on Yeargain's body began sloughing off.

Dr. Daniel Lozano, from the UCSD Regional Burn Center, said, "She lost skin in her entire body. It's rather dramatic to really see this coming off in sheets."

Even the membrane covering her internal organs -- her eyes, mouth, and throat -- began peeling away.

--- snip ---

Excuse me while I barf...

Not if you was the last hobbit-dork on earth...

I've griped previously about how nerdy the Lord of the Rings movies are, but the english language lacks a word that captures the magnitude of dorkiness contained in the image below; 3 fanboys attending the premiere in Jackson Michigan.

The only women this trio will ever get near are their mothers.

(jpeg shivers in revulsion...)

Don't Drink The Tea

A student cut off his own penis and his tongue after drinking an infusion of the latest drugs craze to sweep Germany.

The 18-year-old, only named as Andreas W, from Halle in Germany drank a tea made with the hallucinogenic angels' trumpet plants.

Don't Drink The Tea

A student cut off his own penis and his tongue after drinking an infusion of the latest drugs craze to sweep Germany.

The 18-year-old, only named as Andreas W, from Halle in Germany drank a tea made with the hallucinogenic angels' trumpet plants.

Don't Drink The Tea

A student cut off his own penis and his tongue after drinking an infusion of the latest drugs craze to sweep Germany.

The 18-year-old, only named as Andreas W, from Halle in Germany drank a tea made with the hallucinogenic angels' trumpet plants.

Man Survives Horrific Construction Accident. Damn!

Truckee resident Ron Hunt, who has been dubbed "Miracle Man" by friends, survived being impaled through the eye with an 18-inch long, 1 1/2-inch diameter chip auger drill bit.

True story, unretouched photo.

Man Survives Horrific Construction Accident. Damn!

Truckee resident Ron Hunt, who has been dubbed "Miracle Man" by friends, survived being impaled through the eye with an 18-inch long, 1 1/2-inch diameter chip auger drill bit.

True story, unretouched photo.

Man Survives Horrific Construction Accident. Damn!

Truckee resident Ron Hunt, who has been dubbed "Miracle Man" by friends, survived being impaled through the eye with an 18-inch long, 1 1/2-inch diameter chip auger drill bit.

True story, unretouched photo.

Holding Severed Head in Place, He Defied Death

--- snip ---

He, however, kept his head attached to his body with some cloth. When no one came to help him, he drove his own vehicle for 30 km to reach a nursing home in Agra.

(Kinda like the guy who cut his arm off, but more gory)

McDonald's at Field Museum busted by inspectors

In addition, a floor drain in the food preparation area was backed up with raw sewage...

Eeeewww.

via obscure store

Nude Teen Camp: Old Enough to Make a Lanyard, and to Do It Nude

Wrong in so many ways.

And yes, it's a NY Times story that ran as a feature on AOL.

Time's running out for the Olsen twins...

via Twins link from Andrew

The News We Kept to Ourselves

CNN comes clean. Not pretty.

Roadkill CafŽ

The vast majority of the roadkill permits are issued in rural counties.

Now that's a surprise. When I lived in Athens, OH, I worked with a woman who would regularly attempt to run down wild turkeys near her home for dinner. I am unfortunately not making this up. This is the same woman who thought "The Barenaked Ladies" was a dumb name for a band "because they ain't nekkid and they ain't ladies." Indeed.

Does this qualify as a "Q Deer Story" Q?

via obscure store

A Legster-Gram?

North Pole, Alaska, resident LaMara Lane thought a package she received before Christmas might be a LobsterGram, a popular food gift in the Arctic.

To her horror, the package contained one of her long-dead father's leg bones and samples of his body tissue that were sent to her home by a Houston DNA testing laboratory, she stated in a federal lawsuit filed in a Galveston court Monday.

More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About a Dead BeeGee

For the record:

veráruácose (v-rks) also veráruácous (-ks)
adj.

Covered with warts or wartlike projections.

via The Smoking Gun

Beer and Pizza

Beer? Good!

Pizza? Not so good!

Storm of Protest Over TV Autopsy

Ewwwww...

Aaaack!

via Drudge - I know, I know

How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Cornering the market on the explosive new anus constricting health fad, Amazon offers this helpful guide to the process in broken english.

File under "What the... ?"

mmmmmmmm, haggis...

"Haggis? What's a haggis?"

"Why, it's a sheep intestine, stuffed with meat and barley"

"What do you do with it?"

"Well, you eat it"

"That's disgusting..."

For those of you who love all-the-meat-you-can-eat restaurants, imagine what would happen if you're down with the King...

via cnn

Fetus Removed From Boy

Medical oddities, read with caution.

Spiderman birthday suit

ew.

via K-Ho

The Most Vile Thing I Have Ever Seen

I'm not kidding. Be prepared to lose your lunch.

Is it just me, or does she need to be taken out back and put out of her misery (not that I work for a competitor or anything...)?

via zena of course

The Most Vile Thing I Have Ever Seen

I'm not kidding. Be prepared to lose your lunch.

Is it just me, or does she need to be taken out back and put out of her misery (not that I work for a competitor or anything...)?

via zena of course

The Most Vile Thing I Have Ever Seen

I'm not kidding. Be prepared to lose your lunch.

Is it just me, or does she need to be taken out back and put out of her misery (not that I work for a competitor or anything...)?

via zena of course

Man Leaves Apartment To Bats

BRADENTON, Fla. - Grant Griffin's one-bedroom apartment isn't big enough for him, and more importantly, bats have turned up in his shower, sink and sheets. So he is moving.

Afternoon humor plus Vulgarity!

Listen to Peter Cook and Dudley Moore utilize the C-word and other choice obscenities. I especially like Clive's song about his father having cancer.

via Andrew Sullivan

Ramen Recipe Database

Mom & Dad are on their way and you don't have a thing to serve?

Fear no more! More than 200 ways to say, "God! That sucks!"

Man Gets Prison for Post Office Assault With Porcupine Feces

"I said 'Jim don't. Jim, don't,'" she said. She testified that Beal just glared at her then threw the fecal matter, drenching her from head to toe.

As the victims testified, Beal would smile and sometimes chuckle.

Man Gets Prison for Post Office Assault With Porcupine Feces

"I said 'Jim don't. Jim, don't,'" she said. She testified that Beal just glared at her then threw the fecal matter, drenching her from head to toe.

As the victims testified, Beal would smile and sometimes chuckle.

Man Gets Prison for Post Office Assault With Porcupine Feces

"I said 'Jim don't. Jim, don't,'" she said. She testified that Beal just glared at her then threw the fecal matter, drenching her from head to toe.

As the victims testified, Beal would smile and sometimes chuckle.

Severed Body Part Found in Hastings

I've got mine.

Men of House8, report in!

The Midnight Pooper

Officials in the US have set up a motion detector and floodlights to try to catch a person defecating near a water tower.

via Ananova

Michigan Man Swallows Stolen Diamond; Gem Stays Stuck

Okay, this is just gross.

Michigan Man Swallows Stolen Diamond; Gem Stays Stuck

Okay, this is just gross.

Michigan Man Swallows Stolen Diamond; Gem Stays Stuck

Okay, this is just gross.

ebay - ghetto style

i don't know what's worse...selling your crusty, used duvet on ebay or the fact that people are bidding on it.

oh, and some of you should pay extra attention to the seller of this item.

!!! Anne Heche Alert !!!

Super-nut-job Anne Heche, finding that she wasn't mentioned in the news for thirty days or so, met with the press Tuesday to alert the world that her father sexually abused her. Watch for news tomorrow that Sinead O'Connor stubbed her toe the other day. She can't be far behind in their neck and neck competition to monopolize the entertainment arm of the news by baring every insignificant nuance of their souls via public relations.

Up till now I've solved my problems privately but from here out I'm doing it with PR.

Dang of the Day

[GORGO]: Brunobrain, what are you doing this weekend?
[B-BRAIN]: Ah, a whole lotta relaxing and moving equipment into a rehearsal space. Maybe going to see Unwound tonight. How about you, what are you doing for the holiday?
[GORGO]: Nuthin'. Sitting around thinking of you naked.
[B-BRAIN]: Okay, you are just weird this morning.