Fluffernutter? I hardly know her!

There's an awesome media page on the Fluff site dedicated to the glory of a Fluffernutter sandwich. Try playing all the files at once for a surreal experience.

scorching hot British sex

Personals! on the London Review of Books site. Everyone guaranteed to be droll & obtuse:

Massive-breasted heiress, 38, seeks witty Nobel-awarded intellectual beef-cake gardener-chef-poet with stonking pecs. Like me, you are dynamic, hilarious, serious, ironic, passionate, practical, affectionate, kind, funny, have most of your own legs, and are startled to find yourself still cruising the aisles of the Lurve Bazaar.

I’ve committed every decorating sin listed in the March edition of Elle Decoration and I’m proud. Man, 41, with carpeted bathroom, artex ceilings and a wealth of porcelain shepherdesses seeks laminate-crazy woman for nights of painting the hallway magnolia. And after that, insane sex in front of my MDF mock-Victorian TV cabinet (I’ll polish the brass handles just for you).

Lazy, horny, Luddite, male, 52, seeks buxom, cheerful, affectionate female with low expectations, who wants to have lots of sex.

"Worst Ever Quake Kills Thousands" as Yahoo Connects Revenue Stream (Now's the time for Earthquake Insurance, Folks!)

One of the most powerful earthquakes in history hit Asia Sunday, unleashing a tsunami which devastated coastal areas of Sri Lanka, India, Indonesia and tourist isles in Thailand, killing more than 11,300 people. (Reuters Graphic)

Q is reading with horror as a real horror pops up on his browser window...

Bush Approval Rating / Terror Alert Chart

Found here.

This is why I don't shave

Boycott Gillette uncovers Gillette's nefarious plans to track and photograph people who buy their products.

Jpeg was right!

Thanks Adream!

Why I love this time of year . . .

Pilot Project

Do you have a great idea for a TV show?

Make it so!

Share The Love

Carl: I "Shared the Love" with at hostess at
Red Lobster once . . . then I got crabs!

National Do Not Call Registry

Hallelujah and pass the peanuts!

via Squara

Homeless serving as billboards

Pizza Schmizza in Portland has hired homeless people off downtown sidewalks to take part in a marketing campaign. The sign said: "Pizza Schmizza paid me to hold this sign instead of asking for money."

The owner thought to himself: 'What skills could they have?' Holding a sign was an obvious one...

via obscure store

Required for the trip to Vegas

For only $19.95, you too can look like a complete jackass on a plane.

And in case using it doesn't make you look stupid enough, when you're not using it, you can store it in an embroidered velvet carry pouch. That's a selling point?

via boing boing

Who are the Ad Wizards...

Bad timing, indeed.

Sony Struggles to Find Homes for Humanoid Robots

Judging from the cooing at a demonstration of Sony Corp.'s diminutive SDR robot, few would dispute just how cute the humanoid machine is.

Its creator Masahiro Fujita, who called it "him" instead of "it," seemed to feel genuinely guilty as he pushed it over to show how easily it gets back up.

"I don't like this," he said.

But while Sony, the world's largest consumer electronics maker, may have succeeded in creating a cuddly humanoid robot, it still faces a daunting question.

Who would buy it?

"Kiss the double."

Live out your fantasy with Shockwave ESPN Shelfball.

"...It will be a while before I put my trust back into Fox."

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I said that.

(Keep in mind, despite all the things going on in this f'ed up world of ours, this is a TOP STORY on cnn.com.)

Steve Jobs for President...?

Relievedly no... A dork-led effort to get him to run was rejected by Jobs himself in an uncharacteristically humble moment.

Aftermath

I saw their billboard on the way into the city this morning.

Their billboard, like their site, is... well, go have a look.

Playboy Gets Bang-up Response To Last Wish

You can have a portion of this man's fortune, but it's going to cost you. If any of the ladies of House8 decide to do this... er, him... I get half as a finder's fee.

SkyWitness

You may have watched the news, or read the papers, now Sky News would like to give you the chance to share your own personal memories of the major breaking news stories of the past year with a wider audience. These will form a special online archive called SkyWitness.

Whatever your story, Sky News would like to hear from you. The best eyewitness accounts will be published on a dedicated website in a personal end of year review. The person with the most compelling story will win a pocket digital video camera and be offered a tour of the Sky News Centre (over in Great Britain).

Q says, "In the old days they just hired reporters"

Infamous Hacker's Laptop Up For Auction

The laptop belongs to the infamous computer criminal Kevin Mitnick, and on Feb. 15, 1995, it was seized as evidence when he was arrested in North Carolina by the FBI.

The bid as of mid-morning on 10-1-02 was $7,900.

The People's Cut

I came across this article on unhappy fans recutting their favorite movies, to meet their own expectations, when the director wimps out.

Case in point: Speilberg's version of AI vs. Kubrick's, and Lucas' version of The Phantom Menace

Twin Physiques: The Carlson Brothers Live the Model Life (Olsen Twins Repellent)

Preparing for an underwear shoot: "Hit the tanning bed," said Lane. "But cover your face to avoid wrinkles," said Kyle.

_________

Q says porn. Then Rehab. Then Oprah.

Argentina defeats US in basketball...

...and nobody cared.

In the mid-90s, this might have been big sporting news. Like when Jordan, Magic, Barkley and their ilk were playing on the national team.

And Reggie Miller is a whiny beeyotch.

Looks like Team USA got knocked out of the medal round by Yugoslavia today, 81-78. Did you care?

Didn't think so.

via kottke

No Space For Lance

Nyet!

Put up or shut up now stands at "shut up".

Jedi 'Religion' Grows in Australia

I wonder how many are Orthodox (Yoda) as opposed to reform (Qui Gon Jinn)?

Diamonds Are a Widow's Best Friend

A company in Chicago claims that it has developed a process for turning cremated human remains into diamonds that can be worn as jewellery

You Heard it Here First: World Faces Polyester Crisis

Think you've heard this yarn before? Could there a thread of truth in this? Do I see a crisis looming?

Save Karyn

Ok, so she ran up some foolishly huge debt, but by harnessing the power of the internet, we can save her.

Top-Earning Dead Celebrities

Take Tupac Shakur. The infamous rapper was gunned down in Las Vegas six years ago at age 25, but last year he sold 2.7 million albums and earned an estimated $7 million. In fact, Shakur--who had recorded some 200 unreleased tracks at the time of his murder--has put out more albums dead than alive.

Me: "What's the difference between Lil Bow Wow and Lil Romeo?

Pazen: "About two inches."

The Human Truman Show

The Olsen twins were born on TV 16 years ago. Now they're worth more than you.

And, The Barbasol Bandit Pleads Guilty. I know I'm relieved.

via Fortune Magazine

The Human Truman Show

The Olsen twins were born on TV 16 years ago. Now they're worth more than you.

And, The Barbasol Bandit Pleads Guilty. I know I'm relieved.

via Fortune Magazine

The Human Truman Show

The Olsen twins were born on TV 16 years ago. Now they're worth more than you.

And, The Barbasol Bandit Pleads Guilty. I know I'm relieved.

via Fortune Magazine

Chelvis: King of Wok & Roll

The story of Chelvis: The Chinese Elvis, takes place on a dark and stormy night in 1975. In a San Francisco hospital room laid a newborn, born that morning. The newborn was a boy, a chinese boy. He was normal in every sense of the word, delivered on time and was of healthy weight.

As the boy was asleep in the hospital nursery, there was a blackout. When the lights turned back on, the nurses noticed something had happened. It was a mystery that is still unsolved to this day. The boy had magically lost his diaper and was wearing a white jumpsuit with a gold plated belt buckle. Emblazoned on the belt buckle was one single word. That word was Chelvis.

Wienermobile Gets Boot Near Pentagon

"Obviously, this was a mistake," said Virginia State Police spokeswoman Lucy Caldwell. "This hot dog posed no threat to us."

Starbucks poster offends stupid people

I would think people would be more offended that fruity-flavored slushy-water costs $3.75... (Or whatever it costs. Anything more than a buck is too much.)

The image shown above is indeed a promotional poster for the Starbucks Coffee Company's new TazoCitrus drinks. The posters were displayed on the walls of about 3,000 Starbucks outlets throughout the USA and Canada beginning in April 2002, until complaints from offended customers who felt the poster was too reminiscent of the terror attacks on New York's twin towers prompted Starbucks to pull the material from their stores on June 7.

Even better is the Starbucks "apology" letter, which, while completely unnecessary, suddenly morphs into a press release about their overpriced fruity summer drinks. Hah!

via Neoflux

McDonald's in Hawaii to Serve Spam

"I'm not sure why it has taken so long," Okazaki said of the Spam breakfast, which she said is offered at no other McDonald's in the world.

I'd be willing to hazard a guess, Ms. Okazaki...

"Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!"

Dumbest. Name. Ever.

Jeez-Its!

This is the unfortunate result of my unemployment...I have too much time and a wandering mind. -Greg

Buy Nothing Day - The debate rages...

Here's a debate over whether "Buy Nothing" day (celebrated the friday afte Thanksgiving) is wrong or right this year.

It seems pretty vapid that unless our economy is expanding we worry about our future. What happens if there isn't any more crap to sell to people?

News For Sale

Some mope is hawking his "Breaking News" website on eBay.

Current asking price is $21

I wonder if he'll swap stock with me... Let's see, with 1000 shares of Scient...

Diary of a Telemarketer

Absolutely brilliant. Of course, I'm also unhealthily obsessed with the complete and utter destruction of all telemarketers and those of their ilk.

via dan says...

Michael Jordan Palm Pilot?

I'll probe the obvious: what the fuck does Michael Jordan have to do with a Palm Pilot? He probably doesn't even use one! This is pure stupdumbity!

via who cares! It's everywhere!

The Simpsons 10th Anniversary Limited Edition Grill

The spherical shape of the grill concentrates the heat; subsequently, the normal quart of lighter fluid is not necessary.
Regardless, the local Fire Chief said "In the last 27 years of firefighting, I have never seen flames leap that high from a
grill. Outstanding!" And the cute Simpson decal had the firemen laughing so intensely, they let the high-pressure hose
slip and the glass was blown from three windows, the paint was damaged on my Dodge Dart, and my dog was
knocked into the pool. As you read this, I am grilling some burgers for the insurance adjuster and the construction
repair crew. They love it too!

Shameless Plug **CORRECTION**

The Scholl Family Art show's opening has been moved earlier. It's now 3pm-6pm on Friday Oct. 5th. I know many of you were planning your weekends around this event, and I apologize for any inconvenience.

To make up for it, here's a really well-designed, fun, and informative website that will, I am sure, inspire all sorts of thought provoking weblog discussion.

Shameless Self-Promotion

Have you ever wanted to immerse yourself in the creative, artistic vision of foot doctors? Come see the Scholl Family Art Show! My wife, Wika, and I will have artwork on display. The show is made up of various students, faculty, and their spouses from Dr. Scholl College of Podiatric Medicine in Chicago, located at the corner of Oak and Dearborn.

The opening reception is on Friday October 5th from 3pm-6pm. Drinks and food will be served by fancy guys with bow ties.

If the art sucks, you will at least be able learn the history of Dr. Scholl and foot doctorin' in the Feet First museum which is in the adjacent room.

No More AOL CDs

AT NOMOREAOLCDS.COM, Jim McKenna and John Lieberman are asking people to send in the promotional discs. When theyÕve collected a million of them Ñ assuming they collect a million of them Ñ they intend to conduct a giant publicity stunt and truck them from Berkeley, Calif., to AOL-Time Warner headquarters in Virginia, in an attempt to convince the giant corporation to halt (or at least curtail) the practice of blanketing what seems like the entire free world with them.

via msnbc

Meet the Porkchesters!

Click to Enlarge

The Danbury Mint's marketing material claims that "The Porkchesters are sure to be admired for their charm and uniqueness by all who see them in your home."

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that displaying wooden, mass-produced pigs-dressed-as-people in your home would actually elicit a far different response. Like stomach-aching laughter and public derision. Watch out for that crazy PJ Porkchester! He's a rebel!

Peanut Butter and Freezer Burn!

By lunchtime, Uncrustables are thawed and ready to eat.

Now, anyone that knows me well knows that I am all over anything involving the words "peanut butter." But these just look nasty. Uncrustables?!? Sounds like you're eating some sort of shellfish.

via eatonweb

Want your lawn to look like Wrigley Field?

Now, you can create an eye-catching pattern on your lawn just like the pros do. To dress up your grass like they do at professional ballparks and golf courses, all you need is an idea and a Simplicity mower.

Oh yeah, and don't miss the downloadable PC or Mac Quicktime movie on how to do it.

Hair's Really Good News

Hey, if it's getting thin on top-- and not just because you're working for an iffy dot-bomb-- you'll probably like this story from the UK and SmithKlineBeecham (Denavir, anyone?). Seems they're on to some kinda anti-baldy pill. I think it's especially noteworthy if you're considering taking Finasteride, a nasty anti-baldness treatment that pregnant women can't even touch lest their male babies be born

with shriveled naughty-bits
.

If you're not going bald, you can skip this.

Invisible Jim Action Figure

A goof on toy collecting. Reminds me of a recent article I read in which the now-defunct band Jack o' Fire planned on releasing a collectors' edition record. It would have been an extra thick 78rpm and the sleeve would be made out of sandpaper, on the inside (The Feederz first album cover was made of sand paper, but on the outside so it would destroy whatever record was next to it).

Well, finally, a reason to buy that GPS Springboard

The Ad Wizards for Planet of the Apes are running a "Global Ape Scavenger Operation" using GPS and the web to hype the flick.

Of course, if you're not fortunate enough to already own a GPS unit, 20th Century Fox is more than happy to suggest the Garmin eTrex, which I'm sure is the official GPS unit for any self-respecting Planet of the Apes junkie.