Laura Bush thinks she would be a skier?
The first lady is in Torino, (or do you say Turin?) and after being pressed to choose a sport if she were to compete in the Winter Olympics, she settled on becoming a skier.
This made me think that with her jackass husband, she ought to be an expert at luge... she's undoubtedly spent a lot of time on her back praying for a fast finish.
woot woooooooot!
(full disclosure: my apologies to all - I completely swiped that line from some white chick writing about her fondness of the Winter games in Red Eye)
Am I just juvenile?
Or is this headline kinda funny?
We are idiots!
This is too funny not to share.
Fun at the expense of nutbag Christians
Cargo Plane for GWB Crashes
It’s almost never funny when a plane crashes, except this time.
There were no injuries and the plane had giant letters spelling “EELECT GEORGE W BUSH” on the side.
Any parallels to GWB's presidency are purely coincidental, with the crashing and sinking, and word mangling . ;-)
Via MSNBC
Happy Turkey Day!
Can you give a brutha an AMEN!
You Have Bad Taste In Music
"Look away, I'm hideous!"
Hah hah!
An ad for a TV interview about the Beckham sex scandal was displayed during a Real Madrid game.
via fark
Just watch it.
From craigslist:
FOUND - a guess jacket with stuff inside
Sometime in the last 30 days someone left a new Guess jacket in our apartment. It contained a condom, lube, a computer disk, and a page of schizophrenic notes and scribblings...
...if you can name the flavor and brand of your personal lubricant you can have your new coat back.
Ha!
Duhon, from behind the $30 mil line...
As Duke's Chris Duhon hit a seemingly meaningless 3 pointer at the last second against UConn, John F. exclaimed, "He just blew the spread!"
Duhon's shot is estimated to have swung bet outcomes anywhere from $30-100 million dollars, and bets that were made for Duke to cover the spread were suddenly winners.
Malpractice
Remember this diagnosis:
"I called the doctor on the telephone
Said Doctor, Doctor, please
I got this feeling
rocking and a'reeling
tell me, what can it be, is it some new disease?
They call it Boogie fever
You got to boogie down
Boogie fever, I think it's going around"
Well, apparently, it was really lung cancer.
Old man Hocker sifts through lettuce...get's punched in face.
I stand corrected...
Lee "salad tosser" Thoss sifts through lettuce, old man Hocker let's the punches fly...
Hah hah!
This happened at my alma mater, University of Rochester, only for real. A large multinational corporation came in and re-named the common eating/hanging out/procrastinating area (known informally as "The Pit") to "PepsiCo Plaza." Put up a sign and everything!
"Hey man, catch ya at PepsiCo Plaza later! We'll get a slice!"
via one.point.zero
I am Mayor Willie Brown
I always smile and never frown...
SF Mayor Willie Brown appointed City Supervisor Chris Daly "Mayor-for-a-day" (something he does, apparently, with all supervisors as one of those goofy meaningless political gestures...), and Daly decided to do a little appointin' and pontificatin' while ol' Willie was otherwise preoccupied.
Enough Steve Bartman
Let's get back to making fun of someone who truly deserves to be mocked for the rest of his life: Everyone's favorite self-important magician, David Blaine.
LEGO David Blaine
I have constructed a Small Lego Box, and inside I have placed a Small Lego David Blaine. The Box and the Blaine will be suspended from a tree in my garden and each day I will document the progress of the challenge by posting a photograph and a journal entries throughout the stunt...
via neoflux
Fraudster
When's the Snarky Bingo Bingo come out?
Burning Man Bingo
via boing boing
The Segway went down on Bush's first attempt, but he stayed on his feet with a flying leap over the machine.
More funny/stupid cards. This is a collection of 54 conservative "hawks" with a "curious lack of wartime service when others their age had no trouble finding the fight."
via boing boing
The tapes clearly showed her leaning over and yelling, "Apologize to me, you fat sumbitch, or when I'm done with you you'll just be a greasy spot on the floor!"
As the crowd roared, the guard cried, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Uncle! I won't do it again!"
Alas and alack! Frozen food giant Sol Friend will never enjoy the sweet taste of Iraqi freedom. Now his family will have to invite someone else over to share it. Because, as Ari Fleisher noted, "Freedom's taste is unquenchible!"
But does it stay fresh when frozen?
via Lister
Dog & Chimp, trumped.
via Qtip
I have a "Lincoln" $5 bill. How do I find out how much it is worth?
via obscure store
When antiwar demonstrators gathered outside the Fox News building in Manhattan, the network's outdoor news zipper replaced its headlines with taunts:
"War protester auditions here today. . . . Thanks for coming!" And: "How do you keep a war protester in suspense? Ignore them." And: "Attention protesters: The Michael Moore Fan Club meets Thursday at a phone booth at Sixth Avenue and 50th Street."
Arm yourselves for a war of words!
this was too good to pass up...
Sorry, I can't let this go - confused? just refer to this
Conspiracy!
In doing a little category housecleaning, somehow the Nelson Muntz category was changed to No Category. Quel Scandal! Things are all better now. Also, you may or may not notice that there are no longer any parent categories. Parent categories are so last season.
UPDATE: Weblog categories have been re-organized, and the most popular categories are now displayed.
More changes. (We fear it.) The nav. has been changed slightly. A few things go away, and a new addition, funds. Funds is our shameless ploy to help defray the cost of the House 8 server, which was purchased with an Apple loan. So, if you've got any Amazon shoppin' to do, be a dear and do it through us. We're really nice folks, we swear.
The Turd Twister is a complete kit for shaping your turd into amazing designs
"We were counting on Canadians feeling superior to the Simpsons as being doltish Americans but now the secret is out." ~ Matt Groening
via have browser, will travel
Hey, wouldn't you drink all the time if you had a designated driver everywhere?
"...Michael, you're plastered. Again. Give me a urine sample and I'll have Devon analyze it back at the lab."
...a man of your carriage couldn't possibly fit in our seats...if you just quiet down, I'd be happy to treat you to a garbage bag full of popcorn.
via sulli
Best email ever.
Subject: AOL = Doomed
PALO ALTO, Calif. (Reuters) - The Internet consulting company Scient Inc Wednesday said it had partnered with AOL Time Warner Inc to help AOL sell more services to business customers.
Under the deal the two companies will co-market and sell Scient's business solutions and work to develop new business and financial services based on AOL's secure mail and instant messaging technologies.
AOL has been stepping up efforts to sell software to corporate customers in the wake of slowing subscriber growth and a soft online advertising market.
In a statement, Scient said the companies were finding that many of the same technologies originally developed for consumer markets, had applications in business.
"AOL built these leading capabilities to serve its consumer members, but that expertise is tremendously valuable to today's business clients as well," Jay Norman, Global Managing Partner of Scient's Financial Services practice, said in a statement.
He said that AOL's instant messaging and e-mail technologies would add a new dimension to Scient's current product offerings, such as a Wealth Management service for financial advisors.
"Ooh! The Germans!"
via Camworld
don't know if anyone caught the interviews after the Lakers/Kings game, but that shaq-a-docious is pretty sly. those censors need to get on it...
and why is he hatin' on my boy Dennis?
via those foul-mouthed people at sportscenter
If you could only kill one person on your favorite (or most hated) television show, who would it be? You can't kill Steve Sanders though, I already did it.
via my friend jason
In a controversial interrogation tactic that one prominent human-rights organization says "borders on torture," CIA operatives in Afghanistan have been showing Al Qaeda prisoners the Mariah Carey film "Glitter."
'Nuff said.
via have browser, will travel
Ha-ha!
 |
Dept. Of Transportation Discontinues 'Bridge Out 8 Feet Ahead' Sign |
via
the onion
Upload an image file of someone's face and morph it with an ass.
[ image removed due to excess of "man ass" - MGMT ]
via
Boing Boing
Once again, the press demonstrates their passion for fear mongering and sensationalism. Atomic bomb diagrams found in Kabul turn out to be "a reprint of a scientific parody called "How to Build an Atom Bomb" from a humor newsletter called The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)."
"Next time, Mr. Loyd should glance further down the terrorist papers... where he might have read these words: 'PREVIOUS MONTHS' COLUMNS... Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine!'"
via one.point.zero
Andrew - we must harvest these for future category sound bites.
via MetaFilter
Aye Carumba!
I was catching up on the news this morning and came across this tidbit from an article about military propaganda and how no one really knows each others culture, so it's pretty much useless. This example is classic:
"...attempts by Iraq's Saddam Hussein to demoralize U.S. troops during the 1991 Gulf War. While they were away fighting, Iraqi broadcasts warned, movie stars like Bart Simpson were seducing the troops' sweethearts."
via cnn
What if you looked like Sonny Bono and could account for almost every moment in Jimi Hendrix's life and then Paul Allen screwed you out of your moment of fame?
Hell, you'd write a book and put together the Rock Prophecy Timeline so the whole world could see!
finally...a t-shirt that pretty much sums up what's on every american's mind.
and it makes a great gift!
The spherical shape of the grill concentrates the heat; subsequently, the normal quart of lighter fluid is not necessary.
Regardless, the local Fire Chief said "In the last 27 years of firefighting, I have never seen flames leap that high from a
grill. Outstanding!" And the cute Simpson decal had the firemen laughing so intensely, they let the high-pressure hose
slip and the glass was blown from three windows, the paint was damaged on my Dodge Dart, and my dog was
knocked into the pool. As you read this, I am grilling some burgers for the insurance adjuster and the construction
repair crew. They love it too!
Just go look at the stupidity.
via eatonweb
Pazen's been busy...
Wonder what Jeff's been up to since quittin' his day job? Buying a house? Nah. Raising his daughter? Nope! He's been gettin' ink! Secret's out, Paz!
"Too many people ripped off by your bidness!"
"Miss Cleo should have seen this coming," Attorney General Jay Nixon said. "It doesn't take a crystal ball to realize that ripping off consumers isn't without consequences."
via Metafilter
...there is precious little information on the grainy black-and-white poster that arrived at the Houston Press offices last week; that is, with the exception of a few nondescript boxed words at the bottom that read like an upcoming pay-per-view boxing match: Closed Circuit Event/The Execution of Timothy McVeigh/Monday June 11th/ 7AM. Under the box is an attribution line: PAID FOR BY CITIZENS FOR CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.
via Plastic
