That's...*URP*...Hot

Paris Hilton attempts to sing, vomits instead.

Neo-Con Movement goes down in Flames

Secretary of Defense* Donald Rumsfeld has RESIGNED!

[From the first day I ever met Jpeg, he never knew how to close a goddamned HTML tag. Carry on. - Editor]

He exits his job, and ends his career in disgrace & failure. It's a nice bone to be thrown, albeit too late to help them! (ha ha, beautiful!) but it's just a rapid course-change to make them look responsive in 2008.
It's not enough... you are all going to jail!!

Pedophile Foley replaced with a Dem # Corrupt Delay replaced with a Dem # Corrupt Ney replaced with a Dem # Insane Kathleen Harris defeated # Sanctimonious asshole Santorum defeated # AP has just called Montana for the Dem! # Virginia is in the hands of the Dems despite a recount at the end of Nov. # Corrupt Italin Neo-Con & Bush cronie Burlesconi's trial is about to start in Italy # Tony Blair is shitting in his pants!

A great great day - It's fucking Christmas in November!
I love everyone.
I'm going out and getting drunk.

Dems give bitchslaps all around

Sorry to interrupt the happy news bu....

- Shecter bitchslaps GOP Hack Cleta Mitchell.
- Rahm Emmanuel bitchslaps a GOP cracker-ass cracker.

These are beautiful!

How one convalescing Vegas magician celebrates Oktoberfest...

I for one am happy that Roy is back in beer swillin' shape. Take that, Montecore! (Thanks, Zena)

Southern Belles dumping Bush

"I think history will show him to be the worst president..." said Barbara Knight, a self-described Republican since birth and the mother of three. "He's been an embarrassment. I'm going to go for the moderate, and these days that tends to be Democrats," Knight said.

Sandy Rubin, a high school teacher in Macon, who voted for Bush, said the GOP's focus on issues that appeal to social conservatives, such as gay marriage and abortion, have turned her off. "I care about job security and education. The things I hear the Republicans emphasizing in their campaigns are not things that affect me or my family," said the 39-year-old mother of two.

However... at a watermelon festival in Chickamauga, in the mountains of northwest Georgia, substitute teacher Clydeen Tomanio said she remains committed to the party she's called home for 43 years. "There are some people, and I'm one of them, that believe George Bush was placed where he is by the Lord," Tomanio said. "I don't care how he governs, I will support him. I'm a Republican through and through."

Ann Coultergeist: "Tight on time"

I missed this earlier this month (thanks, Defective Yeti). Adam Carolla had scheduled an interview with The Queen of Darkness, and apparently there was a phone number / scheduling mix-up. Hilarity ensues.

Carolla has always annoyed the crap outta me, but big ups for hangin' up on the fascist.

Duuurrr...

Sponsor of bill to display the Ten Commandments in the House and Senate buildings can't name them. Colbert at his finest.

Insert DHS pervert arrest article here:

Sorry Jpeg.

Endless bad news for G.O.P.

Update: The Republican shitstorm continues today with the threat from House Government Reform Committee Chairman Tom Davis (Va.), a republican with a soul (!!?), that he will subpoena three members of the Bush Cabinet and White House counsel Harriet Miers if they don't comply with document requests issued by his select committee on Hurricane Katrina response by Nov 18th.

He wants all internal communication about Hurricane Katrina.

I think it's no longer a question of whether there the G.O.P. will destroy itself, just when and how big....

Comedy Gold (the political kind)

After producing a budget that authorizes oil-drilling in Alaska, and that screws seniors and anybody else that isn't a lobbyist, the Republicans can't muster enough votes to pass their own budget. A substantial number of Republicans are breaking ranks to reject it, now that Bush has been neutered.

Where God and Darwin meet

A Texas pastor performing a baptism was electrocuted in his church Sunday morning after adjusting a nearby microphone while standing in water. The Rev. Kyle Lake, 33, was stepping into the baptistery as he reached out for the microphone, which is never a good idea.

Lake was pronounced dead at Hillcrest Baptist Medical Center.
I guess science (technology) trumped religion this time.

(File under herd-thinning.)

The Crappening

or if you prefer, Titanic the sequel...

- Patrick Fitzgerald may be asked this week to execute a new charter: investigating G.O.P. treason to make a case for impeachment.
- White house leakers say "W" is losing his mind due to the near-continual crappening of his image. Strong leader my ass, turns out he's just a giant pussy like his dear old dad.
- Sen. George Allen, (Republican - Va.) sensing one of W's slimey evasions, insists those indicted should resign.
- And the Harriet Miers nomination inches closer to defeat.
- Needless death # 2,000 is due anyday now in Iraq.

- As a bonus, creepy, underhanded Christian activist Ralph Reed may get snared in the Tom Delay case.

God it's a good time to be on the right side of things (the liberal and/or moderate side). Nice work, team!

That's Bullshit

Everyone's favorite CIA-agent-revealing douchebag pundit Robert Novak loses his shit at some political ribbing by James Carville and storms off the CNN set.

Winster in WorldCom/Bernie Ebbers Mile High Club Shocker!

From page six:

July 14, 2005 -- WINNIE Dunbar, a CNN business news producer based in New York, missed the hurricane that never arrived in Memphis — but she ended up in the right seat on her Northeast flight back. Dunbar, who was returning to cover the sentencing of WorldCom fraudster Bernie Ebbers, found herself sitting next to him and his wife in coach. "I'm going to New York for the same reason you are," Dunbar told the former billionaire, who was tight-lipped except to say he found his trial "completely bizarre." Ebbers kept an unlit cigar clenched in his teeth the whole flight, even while asleep, except when he was eating candy and potato chips. After his petite spouse collected their luggage, they waited on the taxi line, chauffeur-driven limousines a distant memory. Ebbers got 25 years yesterday.

See also: Ebbers speaks out ahead of sentencing

Karl Rove: Traitor

It is being reported that Karl Rove was the source that revealed the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame. This story is just beginning to break, we'll see how much momentum it actually has. Given the shit this administration has gotten away with, however, I wouldn't be surprised if Rove managed to spin this into some sort of Congressional medal for himself.

The Huffington Post has more on Rovegate. (Do I get points for being the first to call it that?)

I say we send him to Gitmo.

Rusty Wallace Shows Danza Who's Boss

ESPN has the classic footage of Rusty Wallace taking out Tony Danza in a promotional go-kart race, causing him to flip over a tire barrier and nearly split his melon again.

"I thought, my last year of racing, I killed Tony Danza." -- Rusty Wallace

When Chimps Attack II

Fred Durst shows you his 'O' face (WARNING: Spyware-laden link. Proceed at your own risk. Thanks, Nora).

WARNING: NSFW. Actually, not safe for anyone with the gift of sight.

More
everywhere
else.

Bwahahahahah!

Farkers suggest covers for O'Reilly's next book.

Create your own Banter!

The website for the Bush-Cheney campaign featured a create your own banner tool, where you could enter your own slogan and print out your own poster, with the Bush-Cheney logo, and a note at the bottom "paid for by Bush-Cheney '04, Inc." Democrats, of course, couldn't get enough of this. The original sloganator accepted everything, then it started censoring profanity and words like "dictator," and "evil." Nevertheless, many clever folks exploited the sloganator to their own ends before its sad demise only a couple of weeks after its birth, and its mourners assembled some of the best for the slide show.

*Make sure you have your sound on & props out to snoonen.

Dubya does a face plant...

"Look away, I'm hideous!"

Hah hah!

An ad for a TV interview about the Beckham sex scandal was displayed during a Real Madrid game.

via fark

Disclosure Coming: Abortion for Pro-life Bush's galpal

Larry Flynt says he plans to disclose the Bush abortion story in a book to be published this summer.

"This story has got to come out," the wheelchair-bound Hustler magazine honcho told the Daily News' Corky Siemaszko. "There's a lot of hypocrisy in the White House about this whole abortion issue."

Flynt claimed that Bush arranged for the procedure in the early '70s. "I've talked to the woman's friends," Flynt said. "I've tracked down the doctor who did the abortion, I tracked down the Bush people who arranged for the abortion," Flynt said. "I got the story nailed."

NO! I'm the victim!

Minnesotan Elroy Myron Stock is obsessed with ferrreting out interracial couples and sending them over 100,000 anonymous hate letters. Recently the U.S. Postal Service exposed him. He lost his job and began to get a taste of what he had been giving -- anonymous communications calling him a racist and a hater.

Stock doesn't understand why people are angry at him. Apparently he was expecting Thank You notes and gifts from the couples.

Stock is an 81 year old virgin bachelor, "I've never had sex relations in my life. I wasn't against it, but you've got to only do that in marriage." Call me a Freudian, but don't repressed sexual urges usually translate into some other maladaptive interest? Somebody get this man 60 years of sex, pronto!

Expert Moralist really a Freak

Aaaahh... Will I ever tire of posting stories about hypocritical conservatives exposed as pervs? Well no, probably not... A "reverend" infamous for preaching against homosexuality at Yale, now faces charges that he solicited sex from a teenage boy. He was arrested after he offered $20 to a 14-year-old boy to perform oral sex on him.

"There's a sick satisfaction that someone so preachy is so flawed," a student said. "I'm trying not to be thrilled about it."

Martha's Incarceration

Images from the "What will Martha Stewart's jail cell look like?" contest.

via boing boing