UK RFID Passports: Cracked
Gee, what a surprise. Apparently it took all of 48 hours.
"The reader - I bought one for £250 - has to say hello to the chip and tell it that it is authorised to make contact. The key to that is in the date of birth, etc. Once they communicate, the conversation is encrypted, but I wrote some software in about 48 hours that made sense of it.
"The Home Office has adopted a very high encryption technology called 3DES - that is, to a military-level data-encryption standard times three. So they are using strong cryptography to prevent conversations between the passport and the reader being eavesdropped, but they are then breaking one of the fundamental principles of encryption by using non-secret information actually published in the passport to create a 'secret key'. That is the equivalent of installing a solid steel front door to your house and then putting the key under the mat."
Resume Skills
Can you fit 259 drinking straws in your mouth like Austrian Marco Hort ?
I feel safer already
A Homeland Security report exposes some rather skewed "potential target" data, and the great state of Indiana is at the top of the list of potential terrorist targets by state.
The National Asset Database, as it is known, is so flawed, the inspector general found, that as of January, Indiana, with 8,591 potential terrorist targets, had 50 percent more listed sites than New York (5,687) and more than twice as many as California (3,212), ranking the state the most target-rich place in the nation.
Now, Graf and I have always joked that we'd love it if "they just got rid of Indiana" during the drive from Chicago to Cleveland, but I never realized there was government funding studying the potential... Maybe it's all those fireworks stores? Casinos? KKK members? All those damned Amish?
Some other high-level targets inlcude:
- A petting zoo in Woodville, Ala.
- Mule Day Parade in Columbia, Tenn.
- “Nix’s Check Cashing”
(Ed. That's where MCA does all his "phony-paper-passin'")
- etc.
Man, that's some shitty coffee.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Toss two more bodies on the pile
I wonder how these two twenty-five year olds (found dead this morning) felt as barb-wire ripped their throats open in Iraq. I'm sure their last thoughts were "Well it's for a good cause. The rich need the oil"
Meanwhile the Bush White House has started the next Cuban Missile Crisis.
And Japan says Sayonara to the Coalition of the Wobbly
Flushing Meadows
The airport bathroom at Ft Smith Arkansas has been selected as the #1 bathroom in this years Best Restroom in America Awards.
I went number two in #5, the restrooms at the Madonna Inn back in November.
5 feet of Stank
Is that big stinking flower in your pocket...
Worst Jobs 2005.
Radio Item from a few minutes ago.
"...an islamic jihad militant and his assistant were killed in Iraq today..."
By coincidence Assistant Islamic Jihad Militant is the top worst job of 2005, edging out last years worst job, assistant crack whore..
Am I just juvenile?
Or is this headline kinda funny?
HO. LEE. FUCK.
How. How did we manage to elect (I'd say "twice," but...) such a complete fucking moron? HOW?
Remarks by President Bush During Briefing on Hurricane Katrina.
We've got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we're going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we're going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch. (Laughter.)
I am utterly disgusted and embarrassed that this waste of flesh is the President of our country. I feel sorry for Trent Lott getting dragged into such an insane statement.
U.S. Rejects Ukraine Election Results
How can anyone not see the irony in this:
In a news briefing at the State Department, Secretary of State Colin L. Powell delivered a sharp rebuke to the Ukrainian authorities who today declared Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych the winner of a run-off election Sunday that Ukrainian protesters and foreign observers said was marred by fraud.
"We cannot accept this result as legitimate, because it does not meet international standards and because there has not been an investigation of the numerous and credible reports of fraud and abuse," Powell said.
Read the story at washingtonpost.com
GOP: Let's Empty the Treasury!
In a cynical, obnoxious attempt to buy votes, Bush signed yet ANOTHER tax cut today for 136 billion dollars. Just as you can't bring hearings on candidates within 30 days of an election, autocratic asshole Presidents should be prohibited from making any tax cuts for several months before an election.
An American Comedy: Act IV
I am laughing my ass off over the flu vaccine debacle. After 4 years of evil & trampling the constitution, seniors are finally up in arms over a fucking flu shot!!!! Bush is going to lose votes over the God-damned flu lottery. ??!!
Todays' development: Prisoners are getting their flu shots while seniors are losing their minds over this.
This is classic comedy.
"Your testicles are an invaluable source of pleasure to you, your loved ones, and your whole family! But what do you know about your firm, pendulous bringers of life?"
This reminded me of my favorite camp song:
Scrotum, scrotum, s-c-r-o-t-u-m.
Scrotum, scrotum, without it you would be a femme...
Shaggy, baggy, covered with hair...
What would you do if it weren't there?
(you get the idea)
This 2nd grade moment brought to you by my friend Erica.
New Pickup Makes Hummer Look Rather Puny
Just what the world needs: another way-too-big, gas guzzling, monstrosity of an SUV on the road.
"It's a super head-turner," said Ken Wallace, an International dealer in Fort Myers, Fla., who has been driving one for about two weeks. "Other motorists hang out of their cars to take pictures of it."
But does anybody really need a vehicle that is nine feet tall, eight feet wide, 21 1/2 feet long and gets about seven miles on a gallon of diesel?
I think not.
p.s. How about an "environment" category up in here?
Bombs Away!
Anyone who remembers the disastrous end to 2002's theater-audience-held-hostage incident kind of expected Russia to roll out it's exhausted, old-school, sack-of-hammers process to solve this weeks 'captive' school crisis. Like clockwork they countered with loads of un-nuanced, dumb force... and 350 bodies (admitted so far) are piling up.
Putin is taking licks and apologized today, but his remarks ("We demonstrated our weakness, and the weak are beaten!") points towards an even more brutal bloodbath next time. It can't be long till he decides to "save" the next hostages from a long horrible captivity by having the army just kill everyone outright.
If you had heart disease Putin would probably suggest amputating your torso.
More strategy, not more power.
Russia: the very worst place to be a hostage.
See! Conservatives can be witty too!
Not to be...um...out-snarked, you right-leanin' folks can wear dumb t-shirts too!
This has got to be my favorite. I suppose it's at least honest.
Of course it is still a free country and you're allowed to look like an idiot if you want. Ahem...
The Warren Report Redux
The 9-11 commission are selling the limp, no-account conclusions of their report all over the airwaves today. It illustrates the country's unwavering faith in institutions teeming with ineffective white men who look grave while spouting drivel and take/assign no responsibility.
To help calibrate your moral guage:
- Tenuous suggestions that Saddam might have a bomb are absolutley conclusive enough to pre-emptively invade a country, and kill 8000 people.
- Ten or twelve major blown opportunities to prevent 9-11 are no one's fault.
Don't you hate when you spend $40 billion on intelligence and you only get thirty buck worth of groupthink? With drones like these who needs enemies?
All the intelligence community should give their salaries back for the last five years to help repay for the damage they "weren't responsible for."
The Kids Are Wacky For That Dodgeball!
Art imitating art?
Well, maybe not, but damn! does GSN's Extreme Dodgeball look like some seriously awful television. The TiVo has been set.
Note that Zach Selwyn, the fan's consensus winner of ESPN's Dream Job is one of the hosts. He'll also soon be the new host of Around The Horn, that other ESPN show where sports writers yell at each other for 30 minutes.
Which begs the question, what the hell happened to the guy that actually won Dream Job? Is he makin' coffee for creepy eyebrow cartoon character Stuart Scott? Apparently he's been working graveyard on ESPNEWS.
Enjoy this mind-numbing performance by everyone's favorite little person.
via one.point.zero
Code Cynical
New chatter indicates a forthcoming terrorist attack. They must be laughing and toasting each other today at the White House on how easy it was to bump the abuse scandal out of the headlines. So why did't we change threat levels on the the big terror thermometer? They say it's because we don't have any info on where, when, or how it will happen.
Logically then the description for Code Red "Severe risk of Terrorist Attack" should be changed to "Terrorist Attack has Already Happened & You're Dead," because that's the likeliest time we'll know precisely the where, when and how of an attack. Apparently the admin thinks the terrorists will share the info once they decide.
I hope this news is as trustworthy as the WMD info.
Have we ever been at red? We've never been at blue "general threat" or green "low threat." This is a terrifically useless device that only a politican could have come up with.
Save me
While you'd be surprised how unlike the stereotype the south is (Well... Houston), social Darwinism is thriving down here. My 3 favorite current local stories:
* A man was found burned to death with his nipples cut off and the idiot police decided it was suicide!!! The family insists he was tortured and killed, since noone in recorded history has cut their nipples off to kill themselves.
* 2 weeks after the nutcase who stoned two of ther three children to death was found not guilty, another woman killed her baby in a microwave
* A guy survived a car accident on an elevated highway, got out of his car to sit on a guard rail, then fell 50 feet to his death.
Caution: Continued Navel-Gazing Ahead
Hobo wives and synchro swimmers, step the fuck off. You ain't got shit on Bow wow...
It seems ashley(aka Shad's girl) has the comment "Post" button set to "auto-fire."
Easy there, ashley! You're gonna wear out your mouse!
Audacity on top of audacity
Last week Bush tried to further his career with the shameless use of WTC footage in his campaign ads. You'd have to be an evil, stupid ass to exploit the event for personal gain, but...
This week his ads show an anonymous middle-eastern face under the narration ...terrorism is a form of racial profiling." which has for good reason offended middle-eastern Americans, although it should offend anyone who values moderation, reality or progress.
1) The only time conservatives acknowledge racism is when they can say white people are its victim. To right-wing assholes, only white people feel the sting of racism! Other races are just complainers.
2) The Bush team defended the ads saying that the actor is Italian (?). Did the fucking Italians crash planes into the WTC? Did we go to war because the fucking Italians were a threat, with their imaginary "weapons of mass destruction?"
Un-fucking-believable! I can't believe the bait-and-switch arguing style that these people get away with. Bush's most recent speech is 100 percent lies. Josef Goebbels would be proud.
Punch his face off
I have a dollar for anyone who gets within punching distance of Ralph Nader, the silly ass.
BREAKING NEWS!
Courts to rule on whether or not Texas is retarded!
(Apologies to Texans. I know you...er...y'all have that rule about not messing with it.)
Hamburgers, hamburgers, potato salad, watermelon!
Possibly the greatest video link since Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!
Bikini'd models cavorting with various types of lunchmeats and dancing around like idiots. Off Boing Boing, so chances are you'll have to be patient. It is worth the wait.
Happy Friday.
Because Conservatives care...
...as long as you pretend you believe in their values. Machiavellian George Bush wants to spend $1.5 billion to talk the poor into getting married so he can funnel millions into religious organizations that provide premarital and marriage counseling. Religiously sanctified boning among the poor will help the douchebag sleep at night...
The usual crap: Programs that counsel gay and lesbian couples would be excluded.
Soon he'll legislate everything off TV except the Donna Reed Show and Leave it to Beaver, to move the country back to the 50's.
Mercy...
When I get out of school I'm going to buy a gun and leave it with you guys so one of you can shoot me if I ever get to the age that "crazy-hat bingo" sounds like a good time.
Let's face it...
Some activities just don't lend themselves to trophy figures, as in these atrocities.
or 
Where's my three-legged-race trophy?
DUMB CRIMINALS
A Miami man robbed two banks then fled on foot. He was caught when he sat down to rest. He told police he robbed the banks because "I'm too ugly to get a job."
--- snip ---
Animals contributed to the weird news. A Live Oak man picked up a plant at a Wal-Mart and a moccasin hiding in the pot bit him. He spent two weeks in the hospital. The snake was stomped to death.
--- snip ---
The owner of a 300-pound Emu that escaped its pen near DeFuniak Springs had a warning for anyone who might come across the flightless bird: "I don't want to be held liable if that sex-crazed thing does something to somebody."
--- snip ---
Among random strangeness, a 40-year-old man was caught impersonating 29-year-old Creed guitarist Mark Tremonti in a scam that earned him free drinks and hotel rooms on Clearwater Beach. He was arrested as he signed autographs for fans and told police, "You have to admit I do look like the guy from Creed."
--- snip ---
A Port Charlotte woman hit an alligator in her Honda Accord and tried to save it. But she crashed her car when the 6-foot reptile began to thrash around in the back seat. She was charged with possession of an alligator, a felony in Florida.
There are some odd videos too...
NO! I'm the victim!
Minnesotan Elroy Myron Stock is obsessed with ferrreting out interracial couples and sending them over 100,000 anonymous hate letters. Recently the U.S. Postal Service exposed him. He lost his job and began to get a taste of what he had been giving -- anonymous communications calling him a racist and a hater.
Stock doesn't understand why people are angry at him. Apparently he was expecting Thank You notes and gifts from the couples.
Stock is an 81 year old virgin bachelor, "I've never had sex relations in my life. I wasn't against it, but you've got to only do that in marriage." Call me a Freudian, but don't repressed sexual urges usually translate into some other maladaptive interest? Somebody get this man 60 years of sex, pronto!
Mr Binnington took a firm line against Blaine's stunt: "He's a bit of a nutter, isn't he? He just wants to be the next Jesus. This isn't entertainment at all. It's bad taste - Bobby Sands and all that."
I hope there isn't another Steve Bartman living in Chicago
The Smoking Gun outs Chicago's #1 fan.
The Fan
Green turtleneck.
The interest in David Blaine remains largely unexplained.
This article claims his 'people' are in a panic.
< yawn >
I don't lump all straight guys together nor do I think there is some unified straight viewpoint, but...I'm wondering if any of you have any insight.
Why do ostensibly straight football players sodomize their teammates with golf balls and pine cones?
This kind of story urns up often enough to make me think that big tough straight football jocks are really just closet-case butt-pirates.
I'm very confused.
Two Local Items of Interest
I was so fucking mad that Santa Claus died, but I knew I'd feel better once I called the Swearline.
Hey Chris! You thought Galaga was annoying? Wait 'til I got hippos bellowing on my phone. Yee haw!
via boing boing
Personally I think recalling Gray Davis after 8 months in office is just plain dumb. But, if they're gonna do it, I hope they elect Gary Coleman:
"Hello there, this is Gary Coleman, It is 3:30 on Friday. I'm stuck in Friday traffic in my car, getting ready to pull out my hair. But maybe this is something I can fix as governor. ... I am probably the most unqualified person to run for governor, but I'm willing to do it as a goof if you are. But then I need to know something: Whose ass do I kick if I actually win? Because that means I'm gonna have to move up to Sacramento -- the armpit of California -- and administer this state back to some kind of solvency."
Uh huh huh...he said uvula... heh huh uh heh
Words that sound dirty, but aren't.
via the morning news
Useful (?) Photoshop tutorial for acheiving that "Bling Bling" effect all those rapper guys are always talking about. Bookmark it for your next redesign of the St. Lunatic's website, or creating the word mark for your neighborhood up-and-coming rap artist.
Yeah, I think it's time for a redesign...
via more like this
Don't hate me.
[ Fair warning: If you click the link you'll end up having to force quit your browser after the link runs it's course. This warning courtesy of cranky j p e g.]
Pure Unadulterated Evil.
The developers of the Bowlingual dog translator device have continued their quest to bridge an understanding between different species with the introduction of Meowlingual, which they claim translates cat cries into human language.
---- snip ----
The dog translator was awarded the 2002 Ig Nobel Peace Prize for promoting harmony between the species by the US humor magazine Annals of Improbable Research. (Mainichi Shimbun, Japan, July 16, 2003)
DIXON A 33-year-old man faces felony aggravated battery charges for tossing a water balloon at U.S. House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Yorkville.
--- snip ---
Allen said in court he didn't know Hastert was driving the truck. Lee County Judge Tomas Magdich reprimanded Allen for not recognizing Hastert.
"He is third in line to the presidency of the United States. You won't forget it next time, will you?" Magdich told Allen.
Read up, men of house8, there's going to be an exam...
This is actually a very funny article, from The Sun, of course
To show Chicago's commitment to... (art, kitsch? crap?) the city's newest, ugliest, artistic dead end, "Baseball Bobbleheads" is off and running. They look about as bad as if someone put a baseball uniform on and then allowed you to paint over it. 11 of these duds are in place, 23 more are coming.
Each figure is exactly as hideous as all the others.
You can't make this shit up.
Natural gas supplies in the US have reached critically low levels in recent months and may be inadequate to meet demand during a hot summer this year.
- snip -
Prices are reported to have increased as much as 700 per cent over the past three years
- snip -
The problem arose after the US government encouraged natural gas as an environmentally friendly fuel but refused to open what Mr Abraham said were about 40 per cent of the potential gas resources on federal lands.
Your tax dollars at work
