Hey Jeff

Vampira died a few days ago.

Top Gimpy?

Has anyone seen the new promos for Bravo's Top Chef yet? I think this new guy looks like a creepy live-version of Gimpy from MTV's old animated show Undergrads.

I want the next President to be a Trekkie

I was reading an article about Star Trek creator Gene Rodenberry (**NERD ALERT**) that made me think about our current Administrations world view. The article mentioned key ethics written into the original show and the theory of "cultural relativism" which makes six basic claims:

1. Different societies have different moral codes.

2. There is no objective standard that can be used to judge one societal code better than another.

3. The moral code of our own society has no special status; it is merely one among many.

4. There is no "universal truth" in ethics - that is, there are no moral truths that hold for all people at all times.

5. The moral code of a society determines what is right within that society; that is, if the moral code of a society says that a certain action is right, then that action is right, at least within that society.

6. It is mere arrogance for us to try to judge the conduct of other peoples. We should adopt an attitude of tolerance toward the practices of other cultures.

While I don't really think these lines of reasoning would work so well in the real world, it called-out certain qualities that I very much would like to see more of.

That's Bullshit

Everyone's favorite CIA-agent-revealing douchebag pundit Robert Novak loses his shit at some political ribbing by James Carville and storms off the CNN set.

Spelling Bee kid does Napoleon Dynamite impersonation

That's two great Big Media hacks in one week. First, Anil Dash wears a goatse t-shirt for his NYT photo op, and now this... Ah, to be 13 and on television...

(Warning: If you just moved out of a cave, found an Internerd connection and don't know what goatse is, consider yourself warned. Once you see goatse, you can never unsee goatse.)

WHAT! Chappelle checks into psych facility

Chappelle's gone crazy, bitch! YEAH. What! Okay.

Rusty Wallace Shows Danza Who's Boss

ESPN has the classic footage of Rusty Wallace taking out Tony Danza in a promotional go-kart race, causing him to flip over a tire barrier and nearly split his melon again.

"I thought, my last year of racing, I killed Tony Danza." -- Rusty Wallace

Attention Stoned Slackers

Put down the steamroller long enough to set your TiVos to The Daily Show tonight, when none other than Douchebag Extraordinaire Bill O'Reilly will be the guest.

"The Daily Show" viewers are smarter than you

So there.

Thank you, Jebus!

Jay Leno announced today that he will be stepping down as hosting of
"The Tonight Show" in 2009.

I didn't realize this show was still on.

Bob Costas and Katie Couric: Our Ambassadors of Ignorance

I have a feeling this is probably one of many future rants on these idiots.

First, they decided to talk straight through Björk's performance (not that I'm a big Björk fan or anything, but shut yer traps!)

During IOC President Jacques Rogge's speech, Couric was seemingly translating as Rogge addressed the crowd in French. The only problem was, he hadn't actually gotten to that part yet, and ended up giving that portion of the speech in English. So NBC obviously had an advance copy of the address, how 'bout some subtitles for your largely ignorant monolinguist audience?

When Rogge did switch to English, Costas played the Jackass American Card with, "He has now switched to English, much to our relief."

Dipshit.

UPDATE It appears as though the Bob and Katie Phenomenon is an international problem.

The Kids Are Wacky For That Dodgeball!

Art imitating art?

Well, maybe not, but damn! does GSN's Extreme Dodgeball look like some seriously awful television. The TiVo has been set.

Note that Zach Selwyn, the fan's consensus winner of ESPN's Dream Job is one of the hosts. He'll also soon be the new host of Around The Horn, that other ESPN show where sports writers yell at each other for 30 minutes.

Which begs the question, what the hell happened to the guy that actually won Dream Job? Is he makin' coffee for creepy eyebrow cartoon character Stuart Scott? Apparently he's been working graveyard on ESPNEWS.

HBO's ‘Curb’ Saves Wrongly Accused Man

LOS ANGELES - “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” an HBO show known for its acerbic wit, accidentally helped deliver a happy ending to a man who had been charged with murder.

Human-to-human TiVo/PVR suggestions via RSS

I first glanced at this proposed PVR RSS code earlier today, but didn't really have time to fully absorb it. Now there's a more detailed description, and it's a really cool idea.

My TiVo manages to suggest something I might watch perhaps once a week at the most*. I'm probably being generous with that estimate. I'd much rather have people I know send me shows I may want to watch but may not be aware of because I'm TiVo'ing through all the commercials. (All hail the 30 second skip.)

Besides, this also opens the door for all sorts of potential friendly TiVo hacking via RSS suggestions. What? You mean you didn't want to watch that Punky Brewster marathon?

* I admit I probably don't use the Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down as much as I should to get desired results.

Eeew.

A 175 lb tumor was successfully removed from a woman in Romania. Thankfully, there's no photo gallery, but the Discovery Channel funded the operation in exchange for the film rights.

Nice one, Discovery Channel. Please let me know when that's gonna be on so I can be watching something else.

Finally!

Frasier will go off the air in May. Does anyone still watch it?

Bush in 30 seconds

30 second Creative Commons political ads highlighting some of Dubya's "accomplishments." Good stuff.

via boing boing

Everyone else is doing it, why can't I?

Cripees! It ain't even Halloween yet, and holiday shit has been out for weeks. So let's hop to it, lil' consumers! Feed the beast that is the good ol' U.S. of A. economy!
My Christmas List.

What do you want?

TV's Tipping Point: Why The Digital Revolution Is Only Just Beginning

Ashley Highfield's speech on opening up the Beeb's archives, and on "The Way Things Ought To Be" in general. Good read.

via boing boing, naturally.

Rush Limbaugh: A Modern Day Jimmy "The Greek"

Rush Limbaugh resigned from ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown due to comments he made about Eagle's quarterback Donovan McNabb.

I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to see this blowhard cram his foot so far down his throat he kicked his own ass.

Speaking of the straights...

Montana freaks want to watch the Queer Eye gang die of AIDS on television.

via kottke

Pilot Project

Do you have a great idea for a TV show?

Make it so!

Insane Japanese Ping-Pong Match

Some wacky Japanese dudes on a wacky Japanese variety show stage an incredible ping-pong match that's sorta The Matrix meets Mummenschanz. You have to see it to believe it!

Requires Windows Media Player...

Conan meets the California Raisins

How cool does this look? Everybody tune in tonight!

via Winnie

Snob Quiz

Thanks to Andrew and Lisa, I've been wasting time this morning on the Manor House Web site. Great questions like:

If your son married a lap-dancer, are you:
a. gaining a daughter?
b. losing a son?

Poor, Stupid Kim Bauer

If you are a regular watcher of Fox's 24, you may be interested in this article. In my humble opinion, the show "jumped the shark" very early on this season, but, like a monkey at the feeder-bar, I still watch it regularly. The character of Kim Bauer is perhaps one of the stupidest characters to grace American TV since Blair's retarded cousin Jerry on The Facts of Life.

You go. No. You go. No. You go. No. You. (Repeat)

I've got it! The latest in reality television, jointly produced by CBS and Al Jazeera.

Dubya and Saddam: Together At Last!

It's Big Brother, Survivor, American Idol, Fear Factor and I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here! all rolled into one! Genius, I tells ya! Genius!

We could host it on Nauru!

Classic TV commercial

You can pit He-Man versus Beast-Man playing for the power of Castle Grayskull...He-Man and Beast-Man each sold seperately

More classic 80's commercials available here.

"...It will be a while before I put my trust back into Fox."

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I said that.

(Keep in mind, despite all the things going on in this f'ed up world of ours, this is a TOP STORY on cnn.com.)

CNN needs typists, fact-checkers

"Shuttle travelling nearly 18 times speed of light" (via fark)

While watching "The Crawl" (as it is apparently known; thanks Paz) on Saturday during the second NASA briefing, CNN momentarily noted that the shuttle was travelling at "Mock 18."

Fox hits new low: Man Versus Beast

What I'd really like to know is who was responsible for determining how many "little people" they would need to compete against one elephant?

So who's comin' over on Wednesday to watch?

Hold this, Dino. Pfrrrtttttss!

Yeah, I was wondering where Charlie Callas wuz, too. It was just a bonus to track down Charlene Darling from Andy Griffith (keep scrolling, mutha)!

I can't speak about it just yet...

If I seem a bit distant today, it's because I'm very choked up. Bryant Gumbel has left morning TV... (sob)
Who will feed me a steady stream of vapid sound bites if it's not this distant mercurial misunderstood genius?

"Alias" desktop wallpapers

Oh yeah! That Vaughn, he's a hottie. Too bad he's stuck in the Magic 8-Ball fluid...

Skipping Commercials is Stealing, According to Turner CEO

In response to a question on why personal video recorders (PVR's) were bad for the industry, Kellner responded: "Because of the ad skips.... It's theft. Your contract with the network when you get the show is you're going to watch the spots. Otherwise you couldn't get the show on an ad-supported basis. Any time you skip a commercial or watch the button you're actually stealing the programming."

"You! Yes! You, the fat guy in Tulsa! No more bathroom breaks or we're pulling the plug!"

Ad Campaign Uses Humor to Fight Colon Cancer

It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's Polyp Man, and he's no superhero. I wonder what asshole thought this up...

Stupid Television News

Click one, be amazed at the originality...

Simpsons: Map of Springfield

A.C. Slater is the weakest link

in addition to johnny monorail's post last week about the weakest link show, there was an even better one on this week....featuring talk show hosts, including: ben stein, jerry springer, mark walberg, rupaul and mario lopez...who we all may know better as A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell.

somehow, slater made his way to the final round. when in the finals (which he eventually lost to mark walberg) he recieved this great question:

anne: what metal comprises 90% of the statue of liberty?

a.c. slater: (long pause) ...it's made from cement, right? uhhh. (long pause, confused smirk) uhhhh...steel?

dumbass

-------------------------------------------------
oh, and i can't forget to include this...

New 'Simpsons' season to parody Harry Potter, Brockovich

Get a sneak preview of the story lines planned for the Simpson's 13th season.

via Exciting Monkey Bum Stories for Boys & Girls

Real World lesbian shocker!

Apparently the Sun-Times has become rather obsessed with the Chicago Real World kiddies. They've even got an email address for sightings. I propose that be begin bombarding them with email after email, exclaiming that we've just seen a Real World-er walking on North Ave.!

Danger Island!

For some reason, no network has tried to pick up this new reality show. You'd think FOX would jump on it.

We're going to place twelve real life convicted felons (six men and six women) on a deserted tropical island and have them compete for one million dollars ($1,000,000 U.S.). The prize will be given to the victim of the winner's last crime.

...a place where some of the most clever criminals in the world will compete against the best trained Manhunters on earth for the only thing that really matters...redemption.

This site is quite good...

for me to poop on!!"

Website dedicated to my hero, Triumph the Insult Dog Comic. Great sound clips and video, including the Westminster Dog Show.

Look at that tounge...she could satisfy three beagles at once! Seriously...she can get you off and check for ringworm at the same time!!

Karen: I watched back-to-back episodes of G-String Divas last night. You know what I think is so funny? When they give lap dances and simulate blow jobs.

John: How do they know when they're over?

TOON Marooned!

This weeks episode: Helter Shelter!

Join bugs and Daffy and the gang as they frolic the cartoon equivalent of: Survivor!

via via AOL which by the way wants to raise rates $3 per month. assholes.

Letterman cracks wise on Miss Columbia

A wisecrack by David Letterman about Colombia's entrant in the Miss Universe contest -- claiming her talent lay in her ability to swallow a large quantity of heroin-filled balloons -- sent her countrymen into an angry snit Tuesday.

(Let it be known that I've shamelessly blogged this in order to be the first to add an entry to "sex, drugs, rock & roll.")


via Obscure Store