Is this the man who attacked you, Carl?

fun

Jackson Pollock webtoy

Kickin Field Goals...

Maybe Mike Ditka has been cranky for the last 30 years because he can't get wood. If he's penetrating the defensive line, why does he still look so miserable?

Naming the above image "microditka" certainly can't help the guys self-esteem.

From the Bob Dole ads to the recent "We are the champions" spot with the retarded middle-aged dork dancing on his porch, why should I have to think about the sex-lives & hard-ons of old men?
I think there should be consumer protection from this.

Thanks Maggot friends!

British doctors will be able to prescribe maggots to patients with infected wounds after this Friday. Maggots are useful because they devour dead, infected tissue and bacteria without damaging the surrounding tissue, since they cannot eat healthy flesh.
Maggots are a cheaper and more beneficial way of treating wounds than using conventional medicine. They were used for centuries to rid wounds of decaying flesh, but after the discovery of antibiotics, went into decline.

Bartman foul ball goes for $106,000, will be destroyed

A group of buyers that included Harry Caray's widow Dutchie bought the ball, and will destroy it on Feb. 26th during the annual toast to Harry.

Steve Bartman will be invited to the ceremony.

I want to stroke your....um....EGO!

Animal Lover Gives Critters Full Support

So what's the record number of baby animals in her bra at one time? "The most I've had at one time was 12," Allison said, speaking of a passel of young possums. "I was living in Killeen at the time, so it was for about an hour and a half, two hours."

How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Cornering the market on the explosive new anus constricting health fad, Amazon offers this helpful guide to the process in broken english.

File under "What the... ?"

Best email ever.

Subject: AOL = Doomed

PALO ALTO, Calif. (Reuters) - The Internet consulting company Scient Inc Wednesday said it had partnered with AOL Time Warner Inc to help AOL sell more services to business customers.

Under the deal the two companies will co-market and sell Scient's business solutions and work to develop new business and financial services based on AOL's secure mail and instant messaging technologies.

AOL has been stepping up efforts to sell software to corporate customers in the wake of slowing subscriber growth and a soft online advertising market.

In a statement, Scient said the companies were finding that many of the same technologies originally developed for consumer markets, had applications in business.

"AOL built these leading capabilities to serve its consumer members, but that expertise is tremendously valuable to today's business clients as well," Jay Norman, Global Managing Partner of Scient's Financial Services practice, said in a statement.

He said that AOL's instant messaging and e-mail technologies would add a new dimension to Scient's current product offerings, such as a Wealth Management service for financial advisors.

E.T.-Mad Woman Sees the Film 773 Times

Sian Thurkettle, 25, who first saw the film at the cinema in 1982, has also collected more than 80 E.T. figures and 300 items carrying the extra-terrestrial's image, the Sun newspaper reported on Tuesday.

...harmony and peaceful resolution of conflict...

Ever since their kids bought houses, my parents have (naturally) been on an un-ending quest to rid their basement of our shit. Either they visit with a trunk-load, or we are sent home with boxes of ancient crap that should've been thrown out a decade ago.

Every once in awhile, there are some gems. In sorting through a box full of old high school physics homework, college history papers and whatnot, I found a folder full of things that at one point in my life I thought were either cool, funny or both. Most of it was worth a chuckle before it hit the trash.

I will, however, be keeping this one...

Teddy Borg (or, what you get when you cross a networking switch with a teddy bear)

FYI - Step three: Bear surgery I is not for the squeamish.

via underachievers

Death by Breasts

A fun-filled bachelor party at a strip club turned deadly when a 32-year-old groom-to-be who was enjoying the attentions of a well-endowed stripper suffocated while his face was buried in her 72-DD breasts.

via here

Who's on your "Would Cross The Street To Bitchslap" list?

I think #1 on mine would be Maria Shriver's skeleton. She creeps me out almost every morning at the gym.

Who's on your list?

via lukelog

Diary of a Telemarketer

Absolutely brilliant. Of course, I'm also unhealthily obsessed with the complete and utter destruction of all telemarketers and those of their ilk.

via dan says...

Some Good Insults

Please, be happy and use these insults whenever necessary. And I'd like to add one insult to this list. It goes out to all the dead fucking terrorists and those who may still be alive somewhere and thinking of future terrorist attacks anywhere: FUCK YOU, COWARD BASTARD! STICK IT!

via SweetFancyMoses

Everyone's replaceable!

That's right, ladies and gents of the internet consultancies out there--you are all replaceable. The head honcho, Bob Michelson, of iXL steps down today and provides us all with the friendly reminder that we are all replaceable. Brilliant, I say. Just f-ing brilliant. He couldn't of said it better. So long!!!!

Pazen's last day

That no talent ass clown is movin' on to go raise his daughter and raise some hell. We're going to miss him 'round these parts. Who else is going to spread the gossip and make fun of management? Oh, wait...we all do that.

The flipside is he's now got plenty of time to contribute to House 8. No excuses now, Jeff. I'll even add a Sarah Jane category.

(Woo hoo! I got the duck!)

boredom

I'm bored. And by "bored" I mean "really really fucking bored." Funny how boredom is like odor in that certain colors and intensities can trigger memories of boredom felt previously in life... for instance, the fact that it's 3:38 in the unairconditioned offices of [CENSORED] and i want to repeatedly slam my head in my file cabinet drawer is, for some reason, reminding me of how I felt staring at the back of Darnell Jordan's head (yeah, he's a brutha... how'd you know) during a seventh grade bio lecture titled, "Lichen, Moss, and other Forest Floor Dwellers." Sigh.