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29 Dec 2006 |
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Maybe the fundamentalists are RIGHT, but God has realized this planet is for the birds.
The finding of a parrot with an almost unparalleled power to communicate with people has brought scientists up short.
Soon, we'll have to bow down to a higher order
big ups to mcmc for sending this to me
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04 Mar 2005 |
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Learn how to talk west like a boxcar Willie, and the Boston bums might share their skee with you.
Ah, the hobo community, a subject near and dear to our hearts here at H8.
(via boing boing)
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21 Dec 2004 |
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29 Sep 2004 |
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Okay, I have to be honest here. I've been going back and forth and back and forth on whether or not Dubya is really as dumb as he appears, or if it's all just a good ol' boy act.
Exhibit #29845 for the former: The President of the United States' explanation of tribal sovereignty.
Wow. It's almost as though the words hurt coming out.
via tmn
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14 Sep 2004 |
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The rednecks explained that the Burning Men always ran out of food, and there was nothing better than watching a hungry vegetarian eat deer.
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26 Aug 2004 |
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UC Berkeley linguistics professor George Lakoff drops some science on yo' no account politics-debatin' ass...
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12 Mar 2004 |
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My fave is actually last on the list as a "Word To Watch":
Aramaic (The Passion of The Christ): Now beginning to be translated as ‘bling-bling’.
I'll offer practical usage: "Check out that sweet Lexus, it's Aramaic!"
But I would also suggest it could be used as a general superlative: "Aw, hells, that oral sex was Aramaic!"
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27 Oct 2003 |
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1. Britney Spears
2. A person as dumb as, or temporarily displaying the lack of mental capacity of, Britney Spears.
(We all have Pazen to thank. Inspired by many things, if not most recently, by her interview in Newsweek.)
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21 Aug 2003 |
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(I'm sure most of you got this from Evite, but I laugh every time I read it. Blogged for posterity)
Dear Evite Newsletter Subscriber,
Yesterday we mailed a newsletter to our subscribers with incorrect dates for three important Holidays...blah, blah, blah...
In addition, we also wish to apologize for having listed Yom Kippur as one of our "Reasons To Party". We understand and respect that Yom Kippur is a Day of Atonement, a day to be taken seriously to reflect and fast, and as such, one of the most important Jewish Holidays in the year.
Again we deeply apologize for the error and thank you for allowing us to make this correction.
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08 Aug 2003 |
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Words that sound dirty, but aren't.
via the morning news
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20 May 2003 |
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Covert any web page into one of the following dialects: Redneck, Jive, Cockney, Elmer Fudd, Swedish Chef, Moron, Pig Latin, Hacker. Here's the previous post in "Swedish Chef":
Feenelly a dull tu legeeslete-a Berbeee-a beck intu choorch. Zee pege-a seys he's "Emereece's trooe-a ecshun heru," su my cuncern oofer duzens ooff itheecel lepses moost be-a gruoondless. Um gesh dee bork, bork!
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24 Mar 2003 |
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This is my kind of Website - dedicated to the ripping off and retelling of other people's good material. Brilliant!
via Liz H
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15 Nov 2002 |
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09 Oct 2002 |
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Now you at home can decipher the wiley code of the Jew-run media. Get me Spielberg on the smontess, I wanna talk geld!
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11 Sep 2002 |
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Would someone please wipe the smile off that kid's face?
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11 Jul 2002 |
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Next time a deaf person is trying to tell you he's "excrutiatingly gay," you'll understand.
via Ryan
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14 Jun 2002 |
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This email got intercepted and sent to every single employee at the American Heart Association. It's like the poor man's Brigette Jones... (for Chicago peeps: who works on LaSalle and has never been to Randolph?)
via Zena
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23 Oct 2001 |
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Gorgo [to a young Web professional]: hey, I'm going to miss you when I murder you and rape your dead body.
Young Web professional: ewww. well, if you must, I'd rather be skull fucked.
[End of conversation.]
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09 Oct 2001 |
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We are putting together a feature of short fiction; If you have an unpublished story that you would like to submit for review, we'd love to hear from you. No more than one story per author; Do not send attachments (all attachments will be deleted); Paste your story into the e-mail or mail it in a truck. Submissions must be sent by midnight, October 15, 2001. Submissions do not guarantee publication or commentary. No money is involved. Thanks.
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05 Oct 2001 |
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Please, be happy and use these insults whenever necessary. And I'd like to add one insult to this list. It goes out to all the dead fucking terrorists and those who may still be alive somewhere and thinking of future terrorist attacks anywhere: FUCK YOU, COWARD BASTARD! STICK IT!
via SweetFancyMoses
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14 Sep 2001 |
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This began as a comment, and grew from there.
All of this must be prefaced with the fact that no one knows definitively who planned and executed these acts, but it is increasingly looking like Osama bin Laden was heavily involved. That being said, I think it's important that we be able to separate the Taliban controlling Afghanistan and bin Laden and his followers from the people who have truly been destroyed by decades of complete misery there.
Unfortunately, it looks more and more that the inevitable military response from the US will not differentiate the two, which is exactly what those fuckers flying those planes did. They were convinced that they were destroying The Great Satan, no matter who died, and there's no negotating with that. I fully agree with a military response. I think those repsonsible, and those that assisted those responsible should pay with their lives.
But that mentality goes both ways. Those responsible, and their supporters, would argue that the US has financed terrorism in their countries for decades. To them it has been a lifetime of suffering under US-backed military power, and this is just a little taste of our own medicine. Does that mean US civilians must pay with their lives? In their eyes, obviously, yes. We, being US civilians, of course, have a much different opinion on the matter.
Is there a moral or ethical difference between destroying an unremarkable and unknown Third World office building with a US-made and fired cruise missle, and using planes to destroy the World Trade Center towers, which defined the New York skyline, represented global financial power, and was a place where tens of thousands of ALL types of people worked and visited every day? I personally don't know the answer to that question.
As a matter of killing practicality, a cruise missle has a "hands-off" surgical characteristic. Does that make it better? Does that make it "right?" What do you do if you have these motivations to wreak havoc on a group of people, and you don't have the backing of a military-industrial society capable of building a cruise missle? You use cars. Or trucks. Or boats. Or humans.
I don't know how to process this. I'm just thinking out loud here. I do know that the one thing everyone should do is talk about this tragedy and attempt to work towards a solution. To turn away and sink into blind hatred and vengeance is to disrespect the people that died, and their families and friends that will have to deal with this loss for the rest of their lives.
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31 Aug 2001 |
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[GORGO]: Brunobrain, what are you doing this weekend?
[B-BRAIN]: Ah, a whole lotta relaxing and moving equipment into a rehearsal space. Maybe going to see Unwound tonight. How about you, what are you doing for the holiday?
[GORGO]: Nuthin'. Sitting around thinking of you naked.
[B-BRAIN]: Okay, you are just weird this morning.
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09 Aug 2001 |
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02 Aug 2001 |
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Karen K. (The other one) on John's futile hairstyling efforts: Oh! You're putting your dandruff in the peanuts? Excellent!
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29 Jul 2001 |
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This is so cool!!!
"The1000journalproject is an independent, privately funded social experiment. We are attempting to follow 1000 journals throughout their travels, to see where they go, who adds to them, and what happens after that."
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25 Jul 2001 |
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I was just called a "fucking idiot" by the biggest ex-frat, sporty fuck i've ever met. I played a voice file that I created to entertain my friends at work, and he was apparently on some big shot important phone call. By the way, this is the same idiot who doesn't know the first thing about process or working with people. But he licks a fine executive ass. Anyway, he called me a "fucking idiot" under his bad breath, but I heard him anyway. Go Jocko, Go!!!!!! Or, in my true words, GO STICK IT!!
via Me
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16 Jul 2001 |
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John: How do you spell "Boyeee?"
Karen: B-O-Y-E-E-E
John: Is there a dash?
Karen: No. There's a dash in "Bi-yotch" but not in "Boyeee."
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15 Jul 2001 |
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Here is an interesting label I found on a bag of Taiwanese crackers. This image is guaranteed to touch yourmind.
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12 Jul 2001 |
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Gorgo: We're gonna clean out the library. Wanna help?
Karen: I can't. I gotta teach a class.
Me: Teach a class? I thought you had to go to class?
Karen: I do. I gotta teach a class, then I gotta go to class. I'm frickin' scholarly.
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11 Jul 2001 |
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snow job consultants
i have no shovel for it
internet winter
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ixl flounders
bullshit is generated
some fool might buy some
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once so many toiled
now they are out on their ass
empty spaces here
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09 Jul 2001 |
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Fucked Company is observing this solemn occasion with Haikus.
Where is the Webvan?
Where is my Count Chocula?
Empty street mocks me
Aeron chairs, laptops
being stolen as we speak.
Two weeks severance.
Will the webvan guy
Ever be back in my hood
I still have your crates
Webvan done closed down
'cause of their cockamamie
faith-based bidness plan.
(President George Bush)
Eight Haiku pages.
Clever; how superior!
But your firm is next.
hey guys! this is neat! it's neat, i tell ya! make a postcard for a friend by choosing a picture and typing a message and then... well, shoot, just go see for yourself! Neat!
via supah
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28 Jun 2001 |
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Karen: You know who I can't stand? Dione Warwick.
Me: Oh Gawd! She's awful!
John: You people are mean! She's talented, and pretty, and...
Karen: No!! Stuart?
Stuart: Thumbs up!
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27 Jun 2001 |
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Anime Weather
Backup power NOW! Disengage tornado death, happy happy sunshine!
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22 Jun 2001 |
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kenne bruno: "gorgo, when i started working here, i thought you were quiet because you didn't talk to me much."
gorgo: "kenne, i was just intimidated by your handsome looks."
kenne bruno: "gorgo, you should be careful what you say to me. i could put what you say in front of many eyes."
gorgo: kenne, i am not ashamed to express my love for you."
kenne bruno: "hey, have fun at the parade this weekend!"
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14 Jun 2001 |
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22 May 2001 |
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Give it a starting line, and the Heretical Rhyme Generator will finish 'er off for ya.
Let's give it try, shall we kids?
House 8 Network is the bomb
Pulling my trousers down gently in the mist
Crawl from the wreckage, return to the womb.
Thus was the armed knight enticed from the list
Uhhhh...
via Somnolent
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16 May 2001 |
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no url. no reason. no cage. no nothin' but a cracked up freestyle fit of words. perhaps art will be covered here, perhaps not. i don't mind if i just cover blanks with images of yawning midgets online at the local sperm bank. drew, any word from the president? i thought you'd remind me to cause a riot today. anyway, i've had ideas for gibberish today and i thought i'd just introduce myself here. you cannot view my photo just yet. chris is busy with a "deliverable." what's that you ask? a deliverable may be defined as something going to the client. the "client?" what's that you ask? a client is someone who keeps you in business. "business?" what's that you ask? jeez, that could go on forever. and if you are in this "client business," you know what i'm sprayin' here. so it goes. my name is brunobrain and i'll bother you with ramblings from time to time. and i might even post some noises. here's one. off to bowling...
noise no. three
this is where i bury myself
and tie bottle caps together with
fishing line to make my shawl
she pushes her aluminum cart
down schubert avenue
and i just destroyed three villains
with my infamous choke hold
that even my friends fear
i am light here
i am without weight
and the bugs burrowing underneath
my skin are not satisfied because
i do not squirm in discomfort
